The day of the contest arrived, and Ranma fidgeted nervously. Tuxedos didn't sit well with him. He glanced to the side, and had to admit. Shampoo as a maid was definitely working for him. Oh boy, was it ever. Of course, he had no idea that Shampoo was thinking very similar thoughts about him right about then.
Of course, he felt a slight urge to start punching people. Because the cafe was a lot fuller than he had expected and a lot of boys were gawking at Shampoo. A long table had been set in the middle of the building, with all the audience members sitting on chairs at the edges. Ranma was sitting on one end with Shampoo by his side. Presumably his opponent would take the other seat.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" Kazuki announced to the audience. "Our challengers and representatives of our wonderful cafe today! Ranma Saotome, and his lovely maid Shampoo!"
"Wooo! Shampoo you look beautiful!" A voice called out in the cheers and whistles, a voice Ranma recognized. He looked down to the front row just slightly behind him.
"Wait a minute, Sayuri is that you!?" Ranma said to Akane's school friend.
"Who do you think told Miss Kazuki about Shampoo in the first place? Woo! You rock that uniform, girl!" Sayuri clapped, "I knew with the way she is all 'Oh Master~' and 'Lady Akane~' she'd look amazing as a maid."
Was this a thing? Were people… interested in maids!? Like, as more than just a cute girl in a cute outfit!? Wait, wait, that was a stupid question, Hiroshi and Daisuke had already helped him understand that people can find kinks in the weirdest damn places.
"And now, introducing their opponents!" Kazuki continued. Huh? Where were all these flower petals coming from? Was that a violin playing? Why did everything seem much more... pink all of a sudden? Was that a strong smell of lavender in the air?
Outside the cafe a sparkling carriage arrived, pulled by two white horses. Madeleine exited first, curtseyed to the crowd, then opened up the door to let Gustav out. He took her hand and they strolled into the cafe, taking a seat - which Madeleine replaced even as Gustav was sitting down with an elaborate throne that made Ranma feel kind of inadequate. And poor.
"Madeleine, those two over there are an eyesore," Gustav said. "Have them removed at once, so I may see our opponents."
"Master, I believe they are our opponents today," Madeleine curtseyed. "Of course if you still wish it, I can still remove them for you."
"I think not. You might as well get a warm up before destroying this worthless cafe my dear Maid." Gustav said.
"Master?" Shampoo asked, cracking her knuckles like a badass. "Permission to stomp a mudhole in the two of them?"
"Focus on Gustav and his stupid face," Ranma said. "He's the only one we need to worry about."
"Alright, everyone! As per normal in martial arts maidery contests at this level, the audience are also guests who have to be served!"
Both Ranma and Shampoo twitched in exactly the same way, at exactly the same time. Then, in unison, they turned to look directly at the announcer.
"Sorry, this was the perfect chance to make a little extra cash," she said. "A cafe like ours lives and dies on its bottom line."
"Fine by us!" Gustav laughed. "Let them enjoy a taste of heaven before we cast them down to hell!"
Shampoo stepped forward, making her skirt shake in a way that caught Ranma's, and half the audience's, eye. "I think being served by a frigid bitch and fop is Hell already."
The crowd gasped. But then Madeleine got right up in Shampoo's face, smiling serenely.
"Aha, such a shame," she said. "A violent, uncute girl like you has no business wearing that uniform. When we're done shall I show you how a real maid cleans up? Or are you so dirty that you'd filthy it up again just by touching it?"
Shampoo's fists clenched. "I am a good servant." She said quietly, "Not worthless or filthy you stupid girl."
"Only time will tell," Madeleine curtseyed. "Shall we begin?"
At that signal, the orders started coming in thick and fast from the 'customers'. Madeleine and Shampoo pirouetted away from one another with remarkably similar elegance and grace, gliding along among the crowd.
"Madeline, give that man a proper drink, then deliver our thanks to Saotome." Gustav ordered.
"Shampoo, clear out the orders of those three tables and then give Gustav something to help cool him off!"
"Wow I read an article on these two in Maid Monthly." Sayuri, now sitting on Ranma's left hand side said. "They're the top Maid/Master pair in Japan. These are the guys you're fighting Ranma?"
"Feh, they're no big deal," Ranma said. "They're underestimating Shampoo and I."
Then a customer brushed his hand against Shampoo's thigh. Ranma felt a protective urge to pummel his face in, but Shampoo and the now empty tray she was holding beat him to it.
"Penalty! The only customer you're allowed to attack is Gustav!" Kuzuki shouted, "Apologize to the guest."
Meanwhile, another pervert made an attempt to squeeze Madeleine's thigh in much the same way. The maid deftly spun out of harm's way, using the edge of the tray to make him instead grab hold of his buddy's thigh.
"Ah, I'm sorry for striking you Mr. Customer sir." Shampoo said, bowing slightly, unable to do anything while Madeline twirled past her.
"Good." Kazuki said, "Now, Tsukou?"
The younger maid then threw a burlap sack over the pervert, and with a shout threw him out the door.
"No touching the maids!" Kazuki announced.
Of course, while that little show as going on Madeleine had reached Ranma. "Pardon me!" She said, and Ranma jumped up with the entire chair to avoid the tea kettle she had been holding being hurled at him hard enough to go through the wall behind him. "Ah Mr. Saotome, you forgot your hat!" She had a top hat in her hands all of a sudden, and it was slammed down over Ranma's head.
"Oh wow it's made of solid steel!" Sayuri gasped.
"I noticed!" Ranma yelled. Then Madeleine picked up a broom and, while sweeping the floor next to Ranma, banged the end of it repeatedly against the hat on top of his head.
"Oohhhh! It's the dreaded Sweeping Bell attack! Madeleine's dreaded finishing moooove!"
You know something on consideration maybe Ranma had been the one to underestimate their opponents instead of the other way around.
"Wow I didn't realize my future little brother spent all that time learning to boss Shampoo around in a miniskirt was so he could get his ass beat by a different fetish."
Sayuri looked to her right. "Nabiki? When did you get here?"
"I am always present, I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time," Nabiki said, wiggling her fingers around as if trying to hypnotize Sayuri. The damning part was, if she made the actual effort then Sayuri would've absolutely played along. "Anyway, want to place a bet on the outcome? It's currently... 20 to 80 that Ranma and Shampoo win."
"You're on! Put me down for Ranma and Shampoo to win." A fairly thick wad of bills was slammed down in front of Nabiki. Sucker's bet!
"Kukuku... It's your money," Nabiki shrugged. She slipped the cash into the pot and noted down the amount.
"Never underestimate the power of love Nabiki." Sayuri said.
"The only thing that's going to save them at this point is an idiot barging in to ruin everything," Nabiki said. "And Kuno has kendo practice, so they're out of luck."
Probably the one and only time in any of their lives that the idea Tatewaki Kuno was too busy would be considered bad luck.
"This isn't working," Ranma said to Shampoo's exposed cleavage. She was sponging off the lump on top of Ranma's head. With warm water, to prevent the change. "Even when a customer is being difficult, she's using their behavior as an excuse to get close and pound me."
"And these customers are big time perverts," Shampoo whispered. "They keep leering at me. Yes, exactly like that! It's disgusting."
"Huh?" Ranma grunted. Then shook his head and forced himself to make eye contact with the girl. "Right. Perverts ogling you in that outfit. What's so different about that other chick that stops them!"
"Please step on me Miss Madeleine." One customer said, while the maid seemed to almost oblige, mostly using his head as a springboard to try and drop-kick Ranma.
Shampoo blocked it with a tea tray. "I think she attracts different kind of pervert Master."
"Dirty girls attract that sort of dirty boy," Madeleine said, bouncing off and retrieving the empty glasses of four tables in a row before landing deftly and neatly outside the kitchen, where she handed them off to a dishwasher in a maid outfit.
"Master? I think I hate her more than that Gustav idiot now."
Ranma took a deep breath. Alright. Alright! So this wasn't going as smoothly as he thought it should. That was fine. It was fine. He'd been in tougher scrapes than this and pulled it out in the end. He just needed some angle, some trick. Something to change things up.
"Wow you're getting your butt kicked."
"Akane!" Ranma said, his fiance now sitting on his right hand side.
"What're you here for Lady Akane?" Shampoo asked.
"Lemonade will do for now," Akane smirked. She leaned back in her seat and flicked her hair back. "And after all that training we did to prepare you."
"That's all you're here for?" Ranma asked incredulously.
"Well maybe some lunch later." Akane said, "What? This is yours and Shampoo's fight. I'm not going to interfere. It would diminish your pride as martial artists."
"Awww and here I was hoping that you'd have some last minute trick to help them win." Sayuri said.
"Oh hi Sayuri, when'd you get here?" Akane said.
"Oh I'm a regular." Sayuri admitted.
Shampoo meanwhile was focusing her attention on Madeleine "Hmph! You two are looking down on Master and I," Shampoo said. "Just you watch! We'll win this fight before you know it!"
Then Shampoo turned around and noticed that a tray bent over his head and, on the table, his hands were laid out flat with forks and knives in between each of his fingers sticking into the table.
"Oy, oy, lemonade?" Akane snapped her fingers. "Honestly, the help you get these days..."
"Here you are Miss." Madeleine dropped a tall glass in front of her.
"Hey! Don't you dare serve Lady Akane!" Shampoo growled.
"Try and stop me."
Ranma pulled his hands free, OK it was time for plan… what plan letter was he on again?
"I think it's time for Plan D Master."
Shampoo deposited another cake in front of a customer, dodging a thrown tea cup projectile in the process. How that cup of tea than landed in front of a different customer without spilling a drop was a question even Shampoo couldn't quite answer. It was clear Madeleine was her direct superior in this particular style. Not just in terms of fighting but how Gustave was able to guide her through complex order and she performed them flawlessly without thought. She hadn't been able to lay a hand on the creep while her poor Master had been pummeled twice now.
"Shampoo! Get me some juice!" Ranma ordered her, giving her a chance to stop Madeleine from using a collection of spoons as projectile weapons.
"Madeline! I require some tea if that boor is going to try something so uncivilized, can he not read the air? Tea is the only appropriate drink." Gustave ordered, and with that a lull was created in the fighting.
"The problem is that maid is too good at defending while doing all the other jobs. If I could just punch her away but I have to serve the other customers…" Shampoo grumbled to Ranma while she poured him in a cool glass of orange juice.
"Hot!" They both looked over to see Gustave blowing a cup of tea, "Too hot! Who made this monstrosity!"
"Err, wait Mr. Gustave our tea is the right tempat-" Tsukou began, but Madeline slapped her across the face with a tea cozy.
"A maid must customize their experience for their Master! This is why your teacher's attempts to spread this art to the unwashed masses will fail. Master Gustave is very sensitive! Do you foolishly think a one size fits all approach will work?"
"S-sorry!" She whimpered.
Ranma paused, looked over his rival from across the table. He put his hands against the edge of the table, "OK Shampoo, I have an idea."
Of course, while that fight was going on there was a deeper conspiracy going on. One which might very well shake the foundations of Ranma's life.
"So, officially you're not a member, because you're not a student of Furinkan High, but we managed to get you listed as a consultant." Kyoko said.
"Officially you're Mu-Mu, the powerful Chinese Mystic who's come to teach the Occult Club ancient arts of your forbidden tribe." Alice threw in.
"That is all sorts of offensive, and stupid, how did you get this approved?" Mousse said.
"The President sends in the paperwork and they just kind of forget about it until they sign it by habit, mostly." Kyoko said.
"Hmmm I have to wonder who this mysterious President is…" Mousse mused.
"I'm right here. We've talked a dozen times." Gosunkugi said.
"Ah, well, I'm not going to complain. So your goal is to defeat this Ranma Saotome once and for all, and that is my goal as well. I will free Shampoo from him!"
"Yes! Clearly Akane is the best one for Shampoo!" Alice said happily.
"What? No! Shampoo needs to be freed from her too!" Mousse said. "She's trapped in an awful situation, crying out for me to save her!" He clenched his fists, "Do you think-"
"Wait, wait, just wait a minute here Mousse." Kyoko said, "We have rules about disagreements. As long as we're against the male Ranma Saotome we belong here, regardless of what both of you think about Shampoo's place in this."
"The female Ranma Saotome, we want to see in cosplay!"
"Your obsession with cosplay is going to be the death of this club!" Kyoko shouted to Alice.
"Are you saying you don't want to see the pigtailed girl in a bunny suit?" Alice said, with a kind of shit-eating grin that said she knew what the answer was already.
Kyoko's face reddened, "L-listen here you… you… otaku! What I want has nothing to do with your deviant desires!"
Mousse stepped back while the Vice-President and Treasurer argued. "So this is what their sessions to defeat Ranma Saotome are like. I came to the right place."
Nabiki was bored. This was to be expected. She was seeing her future brother in law and his side piece getting their asses kicked, and it was all so predictable. Their opponents knew more about the style than them, and there wasn't going to be some deus ex machina to save their butts.
So Ranma and Shampoo were going to lose, and that'd be fine. Their pride would be wounded. They'd moan and they'd gripe. Then they'd get over it when the next wacky martial artist showed up. Or maybe somebody else from Shampoo's past would show up and take her home. Then this drama could end before her father had a heart attack.
Shampoo walked past her, "Oy, Maid to Order, gimmie this cake on the menu."
"You're paying for that Nabiki?" Shampoo said.
"Put it on Ranma's tab." Nabiki said.
"Master doesn't have a tab. One cake and bill coming up." Shampoo said, and Nabiki quietly cursed about how Shampoo just did not seem to play along with her. She'd try and get a little fun blackmail in and she'd get all scary and murder-ready. Snap pictures of Ranma and she'd take the film before Nabiki can develop it.
Overall Shampoo just reduced the amount of fun Nabiki had. "Well at least I'll win a lot from the bets over her losing."
"Shampoo! Come over here now!" Ranma shouted, which was odd because she was in the middle of a contest to see who could curtsy the best with the other maid. Shampoo broke for it, dropping the cake and bill in front of Nabiki. She'd pay for that.
"Coming Master!" Shampoo said, and then did something nobody expected. She jumped into the air and landed on the table in front of Ranma.
"What is this!? What maid would do that!?" Gustave shouted.
"A maid obeys their master and Master likes me doing this." Shampoo stuck her tongue out at him. If Nabiki was right about the angle Ranma probably did like Shampoo jumping up in front of him.
"Get the dishes." Ranma said.
Shampoo nodded, beginning to run down the table. Kicking up plates, bowls, and cups that once had food on them. They landed expertly in her hand, piling up higher and higher. The table was rather long, so the dishes soon towering higher than her. But, of course, Nabiki saw the real trick. Shampoo was kicking up dishes and would soon be right in front of Gustave. Was this a Hail Mary, assuming that they'd be too set in their ways and leave an opening for them to exploit?
Shampoo almost danced forward, the cheers of the audience she was cleaning up after seeming to propel her. The stack of dishes was now brushing up against the ceiling. (How many dishes did this cafe have?) Shampoo was almost at the other end!
Thump! The Crowd gasped when Madeline jumped onto the edge, standing in front "This farce will stop right now! What sort of maid walks on furniture!"
"Eh? Master Ranma wanted me to." Shampoo said with a smile. "Much more efficient for gathering these dirty dishes no?"
"I guess you can set them down Shampoo!" Ranma called out from his end of the table. This made Nabiki turn back to him, she could see the smirk on his face. Was this some kind of plan? She turned back to Shampoo, who dropped the massive stack of dishes in front of Madeline.
At that exact moment Ranma lifted his arms up, which just so happened to be under the edge of the table. And Nabiki realized what he was planning. With two maids and a whole ton of dishes one end of the table was wildly imbalanced, sure enough the entire heavy plank of wood flew up, tilting towards Gustave. The audience gasped and grabbed their food and drink, and Shampoo jumped off the table, grabbing Madeline by the arm and pulling her off too!
THUD! the table landed, upside down, on top of Gustave.
There was silence, for a moment, but then Kazuki walked over and lifted the table up. Gustave was twitching, unconscious, under it. "Well, it appears that Gustave has been knocked out, so victory goes to Ranma Saotome and Shampoo!"
"What!? How does that… dammit!" Nabiki grumbled.
"Oh Tendo~ I think you owe me some money!" Sayuri said happily.
You'll pay for that Saotome. Nabiki thought darkly.
"...well I can say that technically you've won, never seen a Master think of using furniture as a weapon, so you didn't directly attack him." Kazuki said, while Tsukou was cleaning up the mess and Madeline was freaking out over her unconscious master.
"What I don't get is how the heck did that one hit take him out." Akane said. She had started wrapping bandages around her fiance, "Ranma got the stuffing knocked out of him and he's still standing."
"He's a wimp who's never had to take a hit." Ranma said smugly.
"That would be, er, the long and short of it." Kazuki said, "Madeline is too good, Gustave never had to ever defend himself."
"In other words he just sits there to look pretty while the maid does all the work." Shampoo said, "That's a poor Sl- er, Maid, you're supposed to help your Master improve themselves." She hugged Ranma's arm that wasn't being wrapped in bandages., "Isn't that right Master?"
Akane pulled Ranma's other arm close to her, "That does sound better for you than somebody who just spoils you."
Kazuki nodded, "That's right! A maid has to help in many ways!" Fire formed in her eyes, "The joy we bring will save the planet!"
"I wouldn't go that far." Shampoo said.
"Gaaa…." Gustave finally came back to consciousness, "What happened?"
"We lost Master! Somehow they bent the rules and we lost!" Madeline sobbed.
"That's right! Since we won, Gustave you and Madeline have to concede to me." Kazuki said, a massive grin, "Namely, I want Madeline to work here on the weekends."
"What!?" The both shrieked! "You can not expect me to serve… serve the common rabble!" Madeline shouted, tears forming in her eyes.
"Oh come now, it'll be good for you to take care of someone other than your brother." Kazuki patted Madeline on the head.
There was a brief moment where those words echoed through the victors minds. "..wait." Ranma said.
"You're siblings!?" Akane finished.
"Eh? Of course. Who else can know how to care for and serve better as a Martial Arts Maid than his elder sister?" Madeline said.
Shampoo turned a little green, "B-but you… serve him… call him Master."
"As my partner in Martial Arts Maidery." Madeline said. "It's part of the job. I don't bow and scrape for him twenty four seven."
"Are you some philistine who thinks this is a sexual matter?" Gustave was suddenly in Ranma and Shampoo's face, "Do you think this is expression of base lust!?"
"I have heard dark things about those who think that being a Maid is nothing more than being a whore." Madeline added.
"Martial Arts Maidery is not for perverts." Kazuki added, all three now darkly glaring at Ranma and Shampoo.
Their minds flashed back to the practice they had done over the past week. "N-no of course not." Shampoo said lightly."
"I'm engaged! She's my fiance, I'd never do anything like that!" Ranma pointed to Akane.
"Ranma's relationship to Shampoo is purely platonic." Akane threw in. "Why, when they first met Shampoo was trying to kill him! You think that would lead to romance or hanky panky?"
The three nodded, "Good to hear, I can't stand perverts who try and corrupt such a pure thing." Kazuki said. She reached into her blouse and pulled out a pair of cards, "So congratulations, in return for saving us I'll let you two come to the cafe whenever you want!"
"Err, thanks?" Ranma said, taking the cards labeled "Lifetime Membership" with chibi drawings of Kazuki and Tsukou.
"Well, maybe Sayuri will like to mooch off you." Akane said, "Well, if she ever runs out of money." She observed seeing Nabiki, with one hand over her mouth like she was holding back vomit, handing Sayuri a fat wad of yen.
Akane let out a slight sigh of relief that that mess was finally over. It had taken up most of Ranma and Shampoo's time over the past week. A fair amount of Akane's time as well, but when she'd go off to do homework they'd both be busy learning that silly style. She was heading up to her room, to lie down and hopefully not have to deal with "maids" or clean up for a while.
When she reached the door she heard sounds coming from behind it. It wasn't fighting or anything else, Akane pushed open the door to see Shampoo sitting on her bed. She was still wearing the maid uniform.
"Ah, Lady Akane." Shampoo said, in her hands was the Super Famicom controller. She had set up a small TV on Akane's desk and was playing the RPG they had bought her. She was currently fighting some blue blob monsters on screen. "Finally had time to try this out."
Akane sat down across from Shampoo, compared to what games she had seen in Arcades this was pretty different. Shampoo was controlling a purple wearing kid and a little blonde girl at once, and the fights were all done with menu commands. Didn't seem very interesting to her, but Shampoo seemed to be enjoying it.
"I wasn't allowed video games." Shampoo said, "I was told it'd be a distraction I didn't need." She leaned against Akane's shoulder. "But they don't make the rules now."
Then the door to Akane's room opened, and Ranma walked in. "Oh, hey." Ranma sat back behind the two girls, "Glad that's over."
"It was fun." Shampoo said, while her characters leveled up in the game.
"Yeah but weird, and that ending bit…" Ranma said, trailing off because nobody wanted to talk about siblings doing maid stuff.
The two girls hummed in agreement, and they silently watched the video game play until Kasumi called for dinner.
