My eyes snapped open as I took in a deep breath. I tried to sit up, only to be unable to. I gasped a few times as pain shot through my body. I flexed my hands while my eyes darted around. I felt myself start to panic before I released a scream.

A few people I didn't recognize came in, all of them shouting various things at each other and at me.

"Get away from me!" I yelled as they swarmed around me, their faces blurred as my eyes stung. "Get away! Get away! Get away!"

"He's hyperventilating!" Someone yelled.

I couldn't breathe properly, and my heart was squeezing tightly in my chest. I clenched my hands into fists as the people seemed to tighten their circle around me. Oh gods, I'm dying. It feels like I'm dying.

Of course, that's when I remembered why I really didn't like to go to hospitals.

"It's okay, Ren. The doctor here is just going to look at your boo-boo," Otou-san said as he motioned to the man that just entered the room.

I gave a small nod, quite shy at the time as a little four-year-old.

"May I see your leg?" The doctor asked with a kind smile as he took a seat in the rolling chair in the room. He moved the chair over to my bed, a little bit too close for my comfort.

I scooted away a bit before looking over at Otou-san for help.

The man sighed before pushing up his glasses. "Ren, show him your leg."

I frowned before looking back over at the man who I didn't know. I saw his patient smile and took in a small breath. I pulled up my right pant leg to show off the large cut I had, internally wincing as I did so.

His smile immediately dropped, and his brow furrowed. He moved in close and grabbed ahold of my leg, causing me to flinch. "This is a bad wound. Judging by the scabbing, I'd say you've had this at least for a week. But you've picked away the majority of the scabs."

"A week?! Ren, you said you got that earlier today!" Otou-san yelled at me, making me jolt.

"I- I just-" I cut myself off as I looked away from both of them. "Can I go now? I don't want to be here."

"You're going to need to stay for a while. Your cut is badly infected," the doctor said seriously as he leaned down to examine it closer.

"What's infected mean?" I asked nervously.

"There's some bad germs in there that we need to get out," he replied before pulling my pant leg up a bit more, only to freeze as he stared at my thigh. Horror covered his face as he muttered, "Is...? Is that what I think it is?"

I shoved his hands away before pulling my pant leg down. "I'm wonna go now!"

The doctor grabbed ahold of my arm and yelled for a few other people as Otou-san stood up worriedly.

"What's going on?" Otou-san asked the doctor with a furrowed brow.

"Sir, you're going to need to sit in the waiting room. Someone will come out to explain everything to you soon," the doctor said as he urged my father out of the room, leaving me surrounded by many people that I didn't know.

I felt tears prick my eyes as I hugged my legs to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs as my heart gave a painful squeeze. "Go away. Please go away."

"Show us your leg, sweetie," a woman urged as she reached for my leg.

I pulled my body back and winced at the feeling of pain shooting throughout my thigh. I felt my leg being grabbed ahold of and flailed in order to try and get free.

"Use the restraints!" A man ordered as he came in the room while putting on plastic gloves. "You! Get me all his medical files! We're taking him to surgery room #3!"

"It's not that bad!" I yelled at the man as I was forced to lay down on the bed they brought in the room with them.

"His femur is protruding from his skin. It's a miracle he's even alive right now," the woman from before whispered to the doctor, who nodded with a serious expression.

I tried wiggling free from the cloth they used to keep me in place, but to no avail. I began to breathe quicker as my stomach began to curdle. I felt like being sick as the room began to spin around me.

"He's starting to hyperventilate! Get him an oxygen mask!" Someone else yelled.

As tears burned my eyes, I released a silent scream. I felt like I was going to die, not that my four-year-old mind comprehended death or anything similar. I was having a panic attack as people swarmed around me and moved me around without my consent.

Ah, yes... One of my greatest fears, iatrophobia, formed on that day and solidified itself in my mind. Whether consciously or not, I always avoided doctors since that day and would fight my parents tooth and nail any other time I was forced to such a place.

All because I had broken my leg and didn't want to get in trouble for the actions I took to receive the injury.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to will those people away, only for their voices to continue entering my ears. I clenched my teeth as I tried calming myself down, only to get more panicked from the mere presence of those white-clothed individual.

"Ren!"

My eyes opened again as I looked around for the person that just called out my name.

"Sir, please get out-"

"Ren! You're okay!"

"K... Kakashi-sensei! Get... Get them to leave!" I yelled back to the man as my panic began to wane a bit.

"Why? What's wrong?" He asked, his voice getting a little closer.

"I... I have iatrophobia!" I replied as my eyes kept darting around. "I'm seriously afraid of these fucking doctors!"

"They only want to help," the silver-haired jônin stated as he finally finished shoving his way to my side.

"I don't care. I'm having a panic attack, and I need them to fucking leave," I hissed before taking in a deep breath. I winced as that breath hurt my lungs, as well as the rest of my chest.

"Are you sure it's just a panic attack?" Kakashi-sensei asked, his black eye filled with worry as he looked down at me.

I gave the tiniest nod possible due to the restraints doing their jobs well. "Yes, I'm willing to bet on it."

"I see." The man stood up fully and somehow managed to get everyone to leave while I calmed myself down. He soon closed and locked the door before returning to my side. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," I said as I forced a smile onto my lips, my eyes closed once again as I slowly convinced myself that I was fine. "Is Sakura here yet? How is she?"

"Geez," he muttered with a sigh before taking a seat. "She's still taking the exam. It's the last day of the survival test."

"Is that so?" I wasn't relieved, but, at the same time, I felt like a burden had been taken off of my shoulders. "Did you hear about the snake problem yet?"

"Yes, I've been told all about it. And since we're on the subject..." Kakashi-sensei trailed off before hitting my head so hard, my oxygen mask flew off. "Are you insane?! You have no hope of fighting someone like him! Why did you even try?! I heard that you've got the hiraishin jutsu almost perfected, so why didn't you take your teammates and run?! Do you think dying is funny?!"

I forced myself not to roll my eyes. "Look, it would have been pointless to even try. I can only teleport to places that have chakra seals. I couldn't have gone anywhere else, especially not when I only somewhat perfected the jutsu while on my way to the second part of the exam."

"So you fought Orochimaru on your own? What gave you the idea that it was the smart thing to do?" The teacher snapped at me.

That was definitely something that set me off. "Of course, I knew it wasn't the smart thing to do! What'd you want me to do?! Did you want me to shove Uchiha into his open embrace?! Give up without a fight?! What, huh?! My teammates can't fight someone like that! They're not advanced enough! He's S-rank for fuck's sake, and we're all taking the damn chûnin exams!"

"Why didn't you try to get the proctor?!" He yelled.

"Did you not understand what I just said about the seals?! And besides, what part of my teammates were depending on me didn't you understand?!" I yelled back, only to wince as pain filled up my chest again.

Kakashi-sensei immediately stood up as worry formed in his eyes. He lifted his hands up slightly, only to quickly draw them back as if I shocked him. The black-eyed man sat down and appeared to calm himself down for a moment or two.

I, meanwhile, took in steady breaths to ease myself back into a more docile state. I forced myself to relax a bit as I waited for him to continue on with the questions.

"Okay..." He finally said while cupping his mouth, his eye closed. He took in a deep breath through his nose before sitting up, his hands falling down to his lap. As that black eye of his opened, I saw frustration swimming around it. "Okay, so you were between a rock and a hard place when it came to Orochimaru. I understand that from your standpoint. What about the Otogakure three? Surely you would have known you hadn't had a chance with the injuries you already had."

"Ah, that..." I chuckled softly. "Well, you're right there. I knew I was going to fail, but I wanted to buy my teammates and Lee-senpai some time. You see, Sakura was the only one awake, as she was already pretty worn out from taking care of Uzumaki-kun and Uchiha all night. Lee-senpai, on the other hand, had just used the Primary Lotus, and he needed a few minutes to recover from straining his muscles to such an extent."

"So he took out one person, and you thought you could handle the other two?" Kakashi-sensei questioned.

"No. The one shinobi used a jutsu to make the earth into very soft dirt. That dirt caught the shinobi that had the lotus used on him, making the attack ineffective. I knew that I had to do something, so I..." I trailed off as I looked away, a sheepish grin forming on my face. "Well, after a few minutes of simple combat, I let Sado take control..."

"Take control? What do you mean by that?" The twenty-something year old asked, his brow furrowed.

"Okay, so Sado is a part of my personality, right? But he can also take control and stuff. I guess it's like D.I.D., but a bit more complicated than that," I tried explaining, only for him to be more confused.

"D.I.D.?" He repeated questioningly.

"Dissociative identity disorder, otherwise known as multiple personality disorder," I explained, allowing the silver-haired jônin to understand me ten times better. "Okay, so anyway, I gave Sado control of my body. Apparently, he decided it was a good idea to push my limits and chakra levels. He even had the audacity to open my first two chakra gates! Like, bitch who the fuck do you think you are?! You're gonna die, too!"

"You can open chakra gates?!" Kakashi-sensei exclaimed, making me pause and look at him with a semi-surprised look.

"Uh..." I looked away as I answered, "No." I then looked back to see an unamused facial expression. "Shut up and let me finish." I then cleared my throat before continuing on. "After Sado did his thing, I was pretty much out of the race until adrenaline alone fuelled my body. I was somewhat content with laying against the tree I was thrown into until Lee-senpai was going to get badly injured."

He facepalmed and mumbled to himself, "Please don't be what I think it'll be."

"So I got up, ran over to that Dosu bitch, and performed my kuro hasu jutsu on him," I said, making him lift his head up.

"What jutsu is that? I've never heard of it," the man questioned.

"Oh, you remember that jutsu I used to knock out the long-haired Demon Brother from Kirigakure? Well that's a jutsu that I invented." I would have puffed out my chest in pride, but between the restraints and the fact my body still hurt like hell, that wasn't happening any time soon.

"You invented a jutsu?" Kakashi-sensei pressed, making me grin widely.

"Yes, I did. Now bow down and look at your god," I demanded jokingly.

"What? No way. I invented my own jutsu by the time I was your age, too," he replied, waving me off.

"Oh? You invented your own jutsu when you were six?" I asked with a cocky smirk, making him freeze for a second. I watched as he looked down at me with suspicion, my smirk widening. "Yeah, that's right. I invented a lethal jutsu when I was six. Top that."

"I keep forgetting how much of a delinquent you were," the man mumbled before shaking his head. "That doesn't matter right now. Continue on."

"Right. Lee-senpai convinced me to stop the jutsu before it could kill him, so he ended up being able to recover quickly. I mean, there are probably still more than a handful of lotuses in his lungs, but tamato-tomato." I gave a failed attempt at a shrug to help get my point across.

"So Dosu was going to kill me when Sakura stepped up to the plate. She tried outsmarting the the three of them, but ended up getting quite the beating. Just before Zaku could do the finishing move on her, Ino-chan, Shikamaru-san, and Choji-san stepped in to help. They used their Ino-Shika-Cho Formation to take out Kin, but Dosu and Zaku were unaffected by their attacks." I gave a dramatic expression. "Everything seemed bleak, like we were all going to die. But in that moment, the asshole of assholes showed up to grace everyone with his douchebag presence."

"Are you going to tell me who showed up, or are we going to keep this ball rolling?" The jônin asked with a deadpanned expression.

"It was Hyūga Neji," I answered before getting back to my story. "With his byakugan activated, he was able to intimidate the otonin and give Duckass just enough time to finally wake his ass up. Then Uchiha broke Zaku's arms and was totally going to do something worse to Dosu when Sakura, using my handy seal-"

"Excuse me?" Kakashi-sensei interrupted while glaring down at me.

"You just said Sado and Maso. You didn't specify that I had to hand over my other other seals," I said while giving him a pompous look that begged him to punch my face. I only got a smack, but it was good enough for me. "Yeah, so that baby was a chakra suppressant seal that I specially designed to work on practically everyone."

"Ren, this is why no one trusts you," the black-eyed individual grumbled as they looked at me with annoyance.

"I know. Anyway, Sakura managed to stop Duckass by slapping that seal on his forehead and asking politely, even though he clearly needed a smack to the face. So in the end, Dosu gathered his teammates and left like a bitch!" I grinned widely before quickly adding in, "Also, he left his team's scroll, allowing my sister to get the scroll they lost back."

"How'd they lose their scroll?" He inquired.

I shivered slightly in disgust. "Well, Orochimaru swallowed his, and then burned her team's, so we were literally left scroll-less."

"He swallowed it?" Kakashi-sensei repeated questioningly.

"Deep-throated that thing whole," I replied with a small nod.

"Shouldn't have asked," he told himself before motioning for me to go on.

"So Tenten-san and Neji stuck around to help Lee-senpai get his bearings. I mean, Tenten-san and Neji also tried murdering me, one right after the other, but they failed." I saw the concern and horror on his face that was practically begging me to elaborate. "Okay, so Tenten-san tried sewing my wound closed, right? Everyone knows she's an awful sower, but she insisted on stitching me up anyways. And then, right afterwards, Neji shoved his water canteen in my mouth and tried drowning me! But I survived because I'm awesome."

I cleared my throat before pushing those thoughts away. "Okay, so then I had Sakura hide me away in some hidden location until I could gather up the majority of my strength. Once that I was done, I gathered myself two scrolls and showed up here to warn everyone about the pedophile snake motherfucker."

He facepalmed and mumbled, "Of course you would call him that. He's an S-Rank criminal that could kill you, and you still insult him."

"It's a specialty," I explained while waving him off despite the fact my wrist was restrained, meaning my hand could only flap around a little bit. "And so, you know everything now."

"I can forgive the Orochimaru fight, and I suppose I can forgive you for your idiotic fight against the otonin, but..." He trailed off as he glared down at me. "What made you think it was a good idea to act like a smart-ass to Morino Ibiki?"

I immediately started snickering. "That was really fun. I got to mock Kotetsu-san and Izumo-san in front of everyone with no repercussions."

"You're looking at your repercussions," Kakashi-sensei corrected, making me pout slightly.

"Aw, come it. It wasn't that bad," I said.

"And by that bad, you mean you literally told everyone that you were currently holding a betting pot?" He interrogated, his hands on his hips.

"Ugh! Okaa-san, leave me alone!" I whined as I closed my eyes as turned my head away from him a bit. My cheeks were immediately grabbed with his left hand, and my head was turned towards the silver-haired man, who glared into my soul.

His grip on my face tightened as he said, "You will not be holding any more betting pots. Once Raidō gets back, I expect you to throw that pot at his face."

"Mhm," I agreed, making him release me. "So is that the only thing you're upset about?"

"Pretty much. I know you can't live without sassing someone at least once an hour." He narrowed his black eye down at me. "You probably do it in your sleep, too."

"You're probably right," I agreed with a nod. "So... Can you free me?"

"Nope. You're going to deal with the repercussions of your stupid decisions," he stated as he stood up.

"Um, before you go... Just..." I blushed in embarrassment as I looked away. "Um... Just... Just ruffle my hair once, and say it'll all be okay."

Kakashi-sensei blinked in surprise before immediately softening up. "Sure." He reached over and ruffled my hair. With a closed-eye smile, he said, "It'll all be okay."

"Thank you," I mumbled as I closed my eyes.

"Of course. I'll be back later," he promised as he put my oxygen mask back on me properly. He then took his leave with a relaxed posture.

He'll probably think that I'm not going to cause any trouble. I waited until his footsteps faded before smirking widely. "This is perfect practice. Let's see if I can teleport without making any handsigns."

It took a few long hours, but I finally managed to teleport myself to the seal I had outside of the tower. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to do once you have everything down though.

I teleported back to my room and gathered all of my belongings before teleporting back outside again. I walked in through the main entrance, only to see a large poster on the wall that had a word missing from the text. I pulled out my scrolls and looked at the wall with narrowed eyes. If I get failed for this...

Pussy!

I quickly opened the scrolls, only to look down in confusion at the seals. I quickly put two and two together and threw the scrolls at the ground. I watched as a puff of smoke engulfed the scrolls and extended upwards until a body appeared.

"You!"

"Fuck!" I cursed as I jumped back from Kotetsu-san, who swung his large-ass conch shell mace at me. "It was a joke, I swear!"

"You...! In front of all those people...! I'll kill you for that!" Kotetsu-san declared before I held my hand up, making him pause in his tracks.

"Quick question before that. What the hell is that poster on the wall supposed to mean?" I asked while pointing to the poster behind him.

He paused and looked over his shoulder. "Oh yeah." He cleared his throat and put his weapon away. "Okay, before that... At the end of this second test, it's set up so we chunins meet up with the exam takers, and I was forced to be the one to greet you."

"Forced?" I repeated questioningly.

"Shut up," he demanded as he pulled out a pocket watch. He checked the time before grumbling, "I can't believe you actually cut something this close to the wire."

"I was strapped to a hospital bed," I replied with a small shrug, earning a raised brow. "It's a long story."

The member of the Hagane clan gave a simple nod before brushing it off. "You passed the second test. Congrats, brat."

I grinned as I put my hands behind my head. "Heh. In any case, I'm assuming that me opening a scroll before I got here would have meant you doing something to ensure I couldn't pass."

"As sharp as always," Kotetsu-san praised. "As you probably have figured out, this test's rules are set up to test your ability to perform missions correctly. So if you were to break these rules and open the scrolls..."

"Just tell me already," I demanded, not at all happy with the dramatic tension he was trying to create.

"Those exam takers would be put in a condition of unconsciousness for the remainder of the test period. Those were my orders," he explained.

"Yeah, yeah. That's great and all, but that still doesn't explain what that poster means," I pointed out, causing him to punch the top of my head.

"I was getting there! Don't interrupt me!" Kotetsu-san commanded before huffing. "This is the motto of the chûnin, as written by Hokage-sama."

"Ah, I see," I muttered, already figuring everything out.

"Yep. In this paragraph, "heaven" refers to the human mind, and "earth" refers to the human body. "If you lack heaven, seek wisdom, be prepared. If you lack earth, run in the fields, seek advantages." So basically, if you lack brains, you're supposed to train in knowledge and prepare yourself for the missions. If you lack body strength, then you must continue to train hard. And if you have both heaven and earth, you can succeed in even the most dangerous mission," he rambled on, not filling in the blank word for me.

"Okay, and the most important part?" I questioned as I motioned for him to continue on.

Kotetsu-san grumbled before picking up one of the scrolls. "So... The words that represent a chunin, the "person" word from the scrolls goes there. The last sentence is "These rules will guide a person's extremes." These five days of survival were to test the exam taker's basic abilities needed to become a chunin, and you successfully passed that." He then mumbled softly to himself, "All on your own no less."

"What was that?" I asked innocently despite hearing what he said and already planning how I'd get revenge.

"Nothing. Pay attention to my explanation. Chûnins are at the rank of team captain. You have the responsibility of guiding a team. The knowledge, stamina, and inner wisdom - all are needed for your duties." The black-eyed man pointed down at me dramatically. "Your job is to challenge the next step with this chûnin motto in mind. That's all I have to say about that."

"Great. Then go find your boyfriend and have fun together," I said while waving him off before running as like my ass was on fire.

"Reeen!" Kotetsu-san yelled after me, making me laugh victoriously.

As I ran through the tower, my nose eventually caught the scent of something glorious. I paused in my tracks before following my nose, throwing the doors to a certain room open. I looked down at the buffet and immediately allowed myself to salivate all over the place. "Oh my gods, it's literally been five days since I've eaten anything. This is the best day of my life."

"Heh! And here I thought you'd show up sooner," Shikamaru-san greeted as he sat down at one of the tables.

"I got here on the second night, actually," I replied as I walked my ass over to the buffet and got myself some over everything.

"Then how have you not eaten?" He questioned.

"Oh, I was literally strapped to a hospital bed because some bitch tried stitching closed my wound, but fucked it up even worse." I glared over at Tenten-san, who glared back at me.

"At least I tried," she shot back defensively.

"Mhm," I sassed as I took the closest seat to me. "And just about killed me too. If I had lost even an millilitre more of blood, my ass would have been dead."

The brunette shakily pointed to the person sitting next to me, a slightly worried look on her face.

"What?" I snapped before looking at the ginger that was glaring daggers into my soul. "Hey, you weren't saving this seat for Puppet Bitch or anything, right? Good." I turned my head back towards Tenten-san while stuffing my face. "Not to mention the fact Neji tried drowning me! I'm still angry at you two!"

"You're an idiot," Neji criticized with his eyes narrowed.

"Bite me," I demanded as I pointed at him. I quickly chugged my tea before shoving more food in my mouth. "Where the fuck is Lee-senpai?"

"He's training. The fool had just enough time to recover from his injuries, and now he's running around the tower." Neji shook his head with his arms crossed.

"Lee-senpai is so cool," I gushed, earning a glare from Neji, who was always on his man period. I then realized that I literally felt like death was sitting next to me, so I looked over at the little red-head.

He was glaring at me fiercely, his sea foam green eyes showing me all the plans he had for murdering me.

"Sup?" I asked before shoving another dango into my mouth.

"What's wrong with you?" Gaara growled, clearly an asshole himself.

"I'm a sadistic asshole with large hints of masochism and a side of dark humor," I replied honestly before grinning. "So how many babies does it take to paint a wall?"

He glared even harder at me while his two teammates motioned for me to shut up and leave.

"It depends on how hard you throw them," I said with a small chuckle. I rested my cheek in my palm as I rested my elbow on the table. With a wink, I asked, "Get it?"

"I'm going to kill you," the ginger threatened.

I gave a laugh. "You'll have to catch me first!" I then teleported over to the banquet and watched as sand poured out of his gourd. I hummed as I skipped around with my hands behind my back, waiting for him to strike.

"G-Gaara, come on. He isn't worth it," Temari said nervously with a nervous smile on her face.

"Shut up," Gaara demanded, making me shake my head.

"Manners, geez. You can't just tell a woman to shut up," I scolded as I stopped my skipping. I stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my hips. "Okay, now come at me."

His sand quickly rushed towards me, but I teleported across the room.

"Over here!" I announced before teleporting back to my seat. "Just kidding." I the teleported to the buffet table and chirped, "Come on!"

He grit his teeth as his eyes looked all around, trying to settle on me for more than a second.

I finally ended up in the middle of the room while giving a victorious laugh. "Youth, baby! Mine's almost invincible!"

"Sand coffin!" Gaara yelled as he extended his palm out.

As sand wrapped in a cocoon, I giggled. "I'm gonna be a butterfly."

"Sand-"

"Nevermind!" I called out as I replaced my body with my hidden kage bunshin. I watched my clone die in my new seat next to Kankuro. "He do this often?"

The boy jumped away from me, his eyes practically ready to explode out of his skull. "What the hell?!"

"Aw, come on. I'm not that ugly," I said with a pout before moving back to my original seat. I took another bite of my food before seeing that Gaara hadn't really touched his. "You gonna finish that?"

The red-head stared at me like I was some alien, his lips parting just slightly as his jaw seemed to slacken. Then, it finally seemed to dawn on Gaara what type of asshole I was exactly.

"I'm not hearing a no," I said cheerfully before taking some salmon off of his plate to shove in my mouth. "Thanks bro."

"I don't like you," the boy growled as he glared at me fiercely, his sand slowly inching towards me as if trying to sneak up on me.

"No one does," I chirped even though admitting that fact killed me a bit on the inside. I gave him a closed-eye smile as I gently poked the middle of his forehead. "But no one likes you either, right?"

Gaara froze as he stared at me in shock. Had he never really been asked something to make him question those around him?

"In a world of vast horizons, it's so easy to feel you're alone. That's why people put up fake acts to try and get people to surround them. You, however, seem to thrive in the fact you're alone, despite being surrounded by many." I chuckled as I patted his head. "It's okay. I'm sure you'll make friends eventually."

He swatted my hand away as his sand retreated into his gourd. "You're... really odd."

"Yep! Give it another few days, and I'll be moulded into someone normal," I said as I gave another closed-eye smile.

His eyes narrowed questioningly, but he refused to outwardly ask what I had meant.

"Hiding what people don't like about me is a specialty of mine. Other specialties include, but are not limited to, sarcasm as a defense mechanism, which will be locked away, sadism, typically locked away, masochism, also gonna be locked away, dark humor, locked away, and making seals of all kinds! I even have a seal that can blow the user to bits if they're ever feeling suicidal." I gave a cheerful laugh as the boy just stared at me like I was a lunatic. "Hey, I have another joke. What's the definition of gay?" I didn't wait for his response. "A guy who enlarges the circle of his friends." I gave a small snort as I watched him process the joke very slowly.

Finally, he took a large step away from me.

"Why was six afraid of seven?" I asked as my smirk practically split my face in half.

He gave an unamused look. "Because seven ate nine."

"Because seven was a registered six offender," I answered with a wink.

"We're going," Gaara said to his teammates before cautiously leaving, glaring at me as I waved to him.

As soon as he left, I blurted out, "I think I nailed that first impression!"

"Would you warn somebody before you feel like trying to commit suicide?" Ino-chan muttered while glaring at me.

I gave a shrug. "The air was tense, and clearly no one liked the fact Gaara was around, so I improvised."

"By trying to get everyone killed?" Shikamaru-san asked with a deadpanned expression.

"You could have walked your ass out of that door at any time," I sassed while pointing at said door.

"You were appearing and disappearing all over the place!" Ino-chan yelled angrily.

"It's called teleporting, thank you very much. I have finally mastered doing such without hands, and all it took was being strapped to a hospital bed!" I gave another victorious laugh before going to the middle of the room. "Now excuse me while I summon my senpai." I got down onto my right knee as if I was going to propose to someone. I took in as deep of a breath as possible as I raised my hands above my head. I then began to slowly drop my arms towards my side as I yelled out, as loud as possible mind you, "Springtime of youth!"

And so the angel from the heavens was summoned! Lee-senpai appeared in a ball of heavenly light before me, his smile twinkling like the sun as an excited expression sat of his face. "Where is this Springtime of Youth, Ren-kun?!"

I am truly blessed, I thought before Sado internally smacked my face.

You fool! You do not deserve the pure one! He yelled at me.

I know, but one can always look! I thought, my impureness surely dooming me to hell's bottomless pits as I stared at the angel while standing. "You're looking at it! After finally sneaking out of the medical bay, I am here to be youthful with you, Lee-senpai!"

"Is that so?! Then let's do laps!" Lee-senpai offered, to which I quickly agreed. He lead me as we ran into the metaphorical sunset together, our youthfulness knowing no bounds.

It was truly a beautiful sight... That lasted about ten minutes before we ran in an area where the senseis were gathered.

Guess who I ran across there. I'm sure you've already answered it. Yes, as you have guessed, it was the devil himself- I mean Kakashi-sensei.

"You're doing well considering you said you just got out of the medical bay," Lee-senpai pointed out.

I chuckled. "I won't be kept down by a mere slice to the chest. My Springtime of Youth will never end!"

He gave a joyful laugh. "That's the spirit!"

"Yes! Youth is amazing!" Gai-sensei exclaimed as his upper half came leaning out of a doorway down the hall, his thumb raised as his teeth reflected one of the sun's many rays.

Behind him, a massive wave of darkness engulfed the hallway. "Ren."

"Shit," I cursed as I came screeching to a halt.

"Ah, Kakashi-" Gai cut himself off as he realized that his eternal rival looked ready to commit non-good-for-the-village murder. "Uh... Kakashi...?"

"Ren. I know you aren't running around when you're supposed to be in that bed," Kakashi stated as he began to approach me, his waves of darkness paralyzing my body in place.

"I can explain," I said quickly to the man who had lowered his head and voice.

"Oh yeah?" He questioned as he got within arm's length.

"...No," I replied before quickly running off while screaming like the little bitch I was.

"Get back here!" Kakashi-sensei yelled as he ran after me, his eyes burning fucking volcanoes through my body.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed as I picked up my pace. I spotted my salvation down the hallway, my eyes sparking at my luck. I teleported to the furthest otonin and continued running from there, ignoring how Kakashi-sensei was promising to do some not-nice things to me and my dead body if I didn't get my ass back down to the medical bay that instant.

"What was that?" Dosu mumbled as my sensei flew past him.

"I can't believe he's the boy we were supposed to not touch," Kin growled.

"Shut it!" Zaku hissed at the girl.

My super sensitive hearing managed to pick it up regardless, and I had a brief moment of 'Wait, what?' before remembering that I had a literal hell spawn trying to kill me. I picked up my pace yet again while deciding that I'd interrogate those three later with my special Haruno Ren sarcasm tactics.

"Ren! That is not the way to your room!" Kakashi-sensei yelled as I ducked into a different hallway.

"Yeah, no shit! You're in the way to my room!" I yelled back as I quickly approached Team 8, also known as Team Kurenai. "Hey Akamaru!"

The dog barked at me while wagging his tail.

"Love you, too!" I replied as I passed him by. "Kiba's still eh."

"Hey, screw you!" Kiba yelled after me, earning a middle finger.

Akamaru barked after me, getting a small hand up in defense.

"Sorry, bro!" I exclaimed before making a sharp right, disappeared from their sights.

"Medical bay! Now!" Kakashi-sensei barked at me.

"Okay!" I replied before thinking up a place I'd be safe to teleport to. I gave a snicker before teleporting to the buffet. "I'm back!"

"Thankfully, we were just leaving," Shikamaru-san grumbled as he and his team left, Choji-san looking quite reluctant to do so.

Neji and Tenten-san were gone as well, leaving me as the only person left.

"Great, I'll just hide over here," I said as I hid behind the buffet table and concealed as much of my chakra as humanly possible. I pulled out my chakra restraint seal and smacked it onto my forehead before waiting.

As it turns out, Kakashi-sensei scouted out almost all of the tower, and I managed to avoid him by a mere fluke. His kage bunshins practically patrolled the halls until the rest of my team arrived.

I only knew they arrived because I took my seal off and teleported my ass to wherever my sister was after hearing Kakashi-sensei coo my name while opening the door to the room I had moved to. "Sakura!"

"R-Ren?!" She exclaimed as I appeared next to her.

"I've missed you!" I yelled as I hugged her tightly, ignoring the other three in the background.

"It's been three days," she sassed as she nonetheless gave me a hug back.

"Kakashi-sensei's been trying to kill me," I whispered, causing her to push me away with a deadpanned expression.

"And what did you do this time?" The pinkenette asked.

"So, apparently, Kakashi-sensei has problems with me running laps around the tower when I'm technically supposed to be laying in my hospital bed," I replied with a scoff and a roll of my eyes. "I mean, can you believe that?"

Needless to say, Sakura punched me so hard, I crashed into the far wall and made a dent. "You idiot!"

I laughed as I stood up and brushed my clothes off. "It was worth it."

"Are you kidding me?! If you're supposed to be in a hospital bed right now, I expect you to go there immediately!" My twin yelled whilst pointing towards my face.

"Nah, I'm just yanking your chain," I lied as I walked over. "So whatcha doin'?"

"Well, I just finished explaining the meaning of this to them," Iruka-sensei answered as he motioned to the poster.

"Cool. Kotetsu-san explained that to me, too. Granted, he tried killing me first." I snickered at the memory that honestly wasn't that old.

"Hagane Kotetsu?" Iruka-sensei's asked worriedly.

"Yeah. He didn't like me talking about their obviously gay relationship in front of everyone taking, and proctoring, the first part of the chunin exams," I explained with a small shrug.

"Wait, what do you mean by their obviously gay relationship?" He questioned innocently.

Oh my gods. Has he really never heard of this joke before? Has all his time teaching kids really affected his more adult side? Is he still an pure boy on the inside that I must refrain from tainting?! I internally asked as my smile slowly became more and more forced.

"I'm joking with you!" Iruka-sensei laughed as he patted my head reassuringly.

I gave a massive sigh of relief as I held my chest. "I was really worried there. You looked so genuine."

"I know all about what you did actually. What you did spread like wildfire. Everyone's been talking about it lately," Iruka-sensei said as he out his hand on his hip. "When Raidō-san came back, granted it was only an hour ago, he got so much money for the betting pot that he promised to give a tenth of the winnings to you, no matter which side won in the end."

"Oh yeah. Kakashi-sensei found out about that. I'm no longer going to hold any betting pots." I then added with a grin, "To his knowledge at least."

Sakura stealthily came up from behind me and punched my head harshly. "You're not going near any betting pots from now on! You won't swindle anyone else out of money!"

I pouted as I looked back at Sakura. "I don't swindle people out of money while holding the betting pot. I just watch over the money and keep tabs on whose money is whose."

"It's still a no! What would Okaa-san and Otou-san say about this?!" She yelled at me, her hands placed on her hips.

I can't answer that honestly... I realized before hanging my head. I mumbled with false guilt in my voice, "That it's bad..."

"Exactly," my twin sassed.

Not, I added in as I looked away, the guilt covering my expression.

"In any case," Iruka-sensei butted in, "This third and final test... Don't push yourselves too hard. Especially you, Naruto. I worry about you the-"

"From the moment I received this Leaf hitai-ate, I'm no longer an academy student! There is no need to worry!" Uzumaki-kun interrupted before lifting up said headband a bit. "And this is that symbol that I am all grown up, right?! The part about me never relaxing may not have changed, but I'm not a kid anymore!"

Iruka-sensei looked a bit worried nonetheless. He clearly cared for Uzumaki-kun, something that hadn't changed over the years.

"Now... I am a ninja!" Uzumaki-kun declared.

The two of them stared each other down before the sun-kissed man back off.

He gave a small smile, though worry and a tiny hint of sadness swirled around his eyes. "I see... I'm sorry, Naruto." Iruka-sensei was clearly thinking back on something as his brow furrowed a little bit. His expression became a bit more relaxed as Uzumaki-kun laughed with his arms crossed.

"Alright! I'm sure you three are starving! Follow me up to the all-you-can-eat buffet!" I chirped as I put my hands on my hips.

"Do they have ramen?!" Uzumaki-kun yelled as he immediately stood before me, excitement all over his face.

"Only miso, and since it's self-service, it's probably not up to your standards," I answered, only for him to wave it off.

"Ramen is ramen! Now let's go!" The blonde cheered, making me chuckle slightly.

"Sure, sure. See ya later, Iruka-sensei," I said while waving at the man, who waved back with his usual kind smile. I then lead my team up towards the buffet while asking about how the rest of the exam went for them.

"Nothing of real excitement happened until the last part," Uchiha answered, his hands shoved into his pockets. "These two fools were going to open the scroll until Kabuto showed up."

"Is that so?" I asked as I looked at Sakura and Uzumaki-kun sternly.

They laughed nervously while trying to look innocent.

I gave a deep sigh before motioning for Uchiha to continue on.

"He helped guide us to tower. On our way there, the shinobi that first went after us showed up again with his team. We switched ourselves out with Naruto and some of his shadow clones as to make them show themselves," Uchiha explained before getting a serious look in his eyes that lasted a split-second. "When they finally did show themselves, we beat them down and got their scroll with no problems."

"I see. You guys made it in time nick of time. You'll probably only get the chance to eat before we have to start the third part of this exam," I said as I looked towards the other two.

"How many teams passed?" Sakura asked as she quickly took up my right side.

"All the rookies, Lee-senpai and his team, Kabuto-san and his team, Gaara and his team, and, unfortunately, the otonin," I explained, earning a range of expressions from my team.

Uzumaki-kun looked confused, Sakura was down right ready to give up, and Uchiha looked excited and worried at the same time.

I smiled at my team before pulling the three in close as we continued on. "No one mention the snake. The proctors, ANBU, and Hokage-sama all know, and they're trying to bait him out. If you openly talk about him, you're going to create a bit catastrophe."

The three nodded at me, though Uzumaki-kun still wasn't on the same page.

"Uh, what snake?" He asked.

I deadpanned before whispering, "You remember that dude that literally summoned a giant snake and tried killing everyone?"

"That freak?!" He exclaimed, causing me to slap my hand over his mouth.

"Yes, that freak. Now shut up and don't mention it again, got it?" I hissed, earning a nod. I released him while giving a small sigh. "Good. Now get yourselves some food and try saving up as much chakra as possible. I'm willing to bet that you're gonna need it."

Sakura gave a deep sigh as her shoulders sagged. "Of course, we are..."

"Oh, right. If any of you have to fight Gaara, I'm telling you here and now to give up. You guys don't have the strength to fight a monster like him," I said seriously, my arms crossed as I looked at the three.

"What do you mean by monster?" Uchiha questioned.

"I mean he's literally a monster, a cold-blooded murderer. Stay away from him," I demanded before smiling brightly. "Anyway, here's the buffet!"

The three were temporarily taken aback by my sudden change in attitude. After exchanging glances, they brushed it off and went into the room to get themselves some food.

As I followed after them, I asked for some more details about how their past few days have gone. I listened to each of their tales of what happened before someone opened the door. I looked over only to immediately duck down as a kunai went towards my head. "Spare me!"

"If you four weren't due down in the arena, I'd take you down to the medical bay and strap you back into that bed myself," the jônin threatened as he glared down upon me fiercely.

"How bad is his wound?" Sakura asked as she began to clean up her area.

"He almost died," Kakashi-sensei replied, making my sister punch me across the face.

"You said you were joking!" She accused as I giggled while rolling across the floor.

"Sorry~!" I apologized despite not being truthful at all.

"Tch. You're so annoying," the pinkenette grumbled, making my smile become just a tiny bit forced.

I stood up and brushed my clothes off. "Thank you."

She shook her head at me before heading over to Kakashi-sensei, who waiting by the door for us.

I followed after her and received a punch to the top of my head from Kakashi-sensei as soon as I got within arm's length. "Hehe..."

"So did you even show them where the medical bay way?" Kakashi-sensei asked as we began to go.

"No. They needed food first, in my opinion, and a chance to unwind before the next part of the exam," I replied honestly as I walked along with my hands behind my head.

"What if one of them were injured?" He questioned with a narrowed eye.

I gave a sigh as my hands dropped to my side. My head lowered as my remained on my lips. "Kakashi-sensei... Do you really not trust my judgement?"

"Sometimes it would be foolish of me to do so," he muttered.

"Is that so?" I asked myself as my hands slipped themselves into my pockets. Yeah... He's definitely not going to be a key player in my everybody any time soon.

Uchiha released small grunt as he took up my side. He leaned in close and whispered, "There's something I didn't say about Kabuto. Earlier, when we were fighting those other ninjas, he looked over at one and grinned. I think he used a genjutsu that paralyzed the other shinobi for a bit."

"When did this happen?" I muttered back.

"Right after he got slashed across the face," he replied softly, earning a small nod.

"It was like his, right? And that's the only reason you're telling me," I concluded.

"Pretty much," the boy answered.

"I'll look into it," I promised seriously.

Uchiha nodded once before falling back a bit.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I narrowed my eyes at the ground. If Kabuto really is on the same team as Orochimaru, then problems will definitely arise. It could just be a fluke, however. That jutsu that makes you see your death, and thus paralyzes you in fear...

I'm sure that would be a high-rank genjutsu. It'd probably take quite the time to perfect, though considering how old Kabuto probably is by now... Hm, perhaps an angle change would serve me well. What would be a good reason to fail the chunin exams seven times in a row? He said that he's been gathering information on the exams as well as the people taking said exams. He could be a scout for Orochimaru. Ah, but why would the otonin attack the information source? Unless they didn't know. They weren't told much in terms of orders from Orochimaru, so they were definitely disposable pawns.

"This is where I leave you," Kakashi-sensei said, snapping me out of my trance.

"Alright! Let's knock 'em dead!" Uzumaki-kun cheered as he rushed forwards.

Uchiha and Sakura exchanged annoyed glanced before following after him.

I was going to follow after them when Kakashi-sensei put his hand on my shoulder. I paused and looked back at him in confusion.

He leaned down and whispered, "I heard what you two discussed. Be careful, and please don't do something stupid."

"Of course," I said with a nod.

He released my shoulder and ruffled my hair. "Good."

I smiled at him before grabbing the handle of the door.

"Ren," he called, making me look back at him once again. With a closed-eye smile, he ordered, "Don't hold back."

My eyes widened, and my jaw slackened a bit. I quickly got over that though and smiled once again. "I won't!"

Kakashi-sensei nodded in approval before shunshining into the arena.

With a large grin, I opened the door and walked in.