AN: Well hello there strangers. I've been sitting on this mostly written for a while because I had painted myself into a corner and couldn't make it quite what I wanted without a lot of work, and potentially rework. So I finally decided to just cap this off and move on, as the story line is completed and the ending has no real impact on future parts, it's more just to tidy it up. It's a bit of a rough ending, but I wanted something vaguely official than to just leave it blank. Thanks everyone who's been reading, it really is a pick-me-up to see people enjoying my work.
Now that this is done, I will now allow myself to actually work on Rutaluen (I had been avoiding it to try and get myself to finish this). I won't be posting until I have finished the whole story. Hoping the writing will keep me sane during these times we find ourselves in. Anyway, stay safe and I hope to type to you again soon!
Scar Tissue
Jack sat at the briefing room table, drumming his fingers along its surface. The Asgard had requested to meet with all of SG-1. Everyone had been recalled, and now they all waited along with General Hammond and Jacob.
"What do you think this is about?" Daniel said.
"The Asgard did not specify," Teal'c said.
Jack shook his head slowly. "All I know is it better be good..."
He trailed off at the flash of the transportation beam. They all turned to regard the Asgard standing at the other end of the table.
"On behalf of the Asgard High Council I bring you greetings." He then looked to Jack and Sam, giving each a nod. "Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, I am pleased to see you both in good health."
Sam's eyes had gone wide at the pitch of the voice. "Heimdall?"
Jack turned back to the others as he waved towards Heimdall. "He was the one on the worldship. In the worldship? In? In." He turned back towards Heimdall. "You lost weight."
Heimdall's big eyes blinked slowly.
"Commander Thor was able to download my consciousness from the worldship's neural cortex, which was then transferred into a new body."
"Sweet. But that's not why you came, is it?"
"It is not," Heimdall said with a shake of his head. "I have come to relay to you further information of the Yuuzhan Vong. It seems that they are now in great disarray. They are losing on many fronts to the combined Goa'uld forces. Some ships are unaccounted for, but it is believed they are engaged in internal struggles."
"Civil war," Daniel said.
"It would seem likely. The fall of the Warmaster may have been enough to fracture the Yuuzhan Vong hierarchy. Though, with no way to monitor the current situation, there is little more than supposition. From what I have learned of the Yuuzhan Vong, this would seem the most reasonable conclusion."
"He's right," Sam said. Jack looked over to see her pensive expression. "If the Supreme Overlord is seen as weak or incompetent, they might try to replace him."
Hammond frowned. "I take it he wouldn't just step down?"
"Oh, I'd put that as a hard no," Jack said. He'd seen more than enough of the Vong to know how these sort of things would play out. They'd never be mistaken for graceful losers.
"In any event," Heimdall said as he walked around the table, "I have come with a detailed map of current known locations of Yuuzhan Vong forces. So that you may better assess the threat of your missions."
He gave the runestone over to Hammond. The General took the stone with a nod.
"Thank you, Heimdall. Forgive me, though, but this doesn't seem like a matter that would warrant a personal visit."
Jack gave a small nod to himself, having come to the same conclusion. Surely this could have been done as easily through a radio transmission. Plus, why would they all need to be there to hear it?
"You are correct, General Hammond. However, this is not my only purpose for coming to Earth." The Asgard turned to Sam, proffering another stone. "It is my belief that this matter was best addressed face-to-face."
Sam held the runestone, studied it. "What is it?"
"During my time aboard the Warmaster's worldship, I was able to sift through much of the data that was stored within its memory. There were multiple entries from the assembled shaper logs that detailed your capture and assimilation, Major Carter."
"What?" Jack said. He watched the surprise on Sam's face. For a time all she could do was look at Heimdall with bewilderment.
"I don't remember everything," Sam said slowly, uncertain about his meaning, "but I remember enough. I know what they did."
Heimdall appeared uncomfortable. "There is more than simply accounts of your ordeal. I have also included entries from the Ancients' database that corroborate some of the information."
"Wait, what do the Ancients have to do with any of this?" Daniel said.
"They had encountered the Yuuzhan Vong before in the past. I do not wish to be cryptic, but this information is of a personal nature, which is why I have given it to Major Carter specifically. The runestone will work only with your DNA, and you may review it or destroy it as you see fit. I know that this is a matter of some interest to you, so I thought to allow you the opportunity to view the data if that was your desire."
"Thanks. I think."
Heimdall gave a slight nod. "It is my hope that this will help to answer some of the questions that you no doubt have. And in doing so, help you to achieve some resolution." He then addressed everyone. "I must return now."
"Thank you, Heimdall," Hammond said. With another nod Heimdall teleported away once more.
Jack sat forward in his chair, still not quite sure what was going on. "Not much for small talk, those ones."
"What would you say?" Daniel said.
"Oh, I don't know. But it might be nice to see those guys sometime and not have it be some galactic emergency or looking to us primitives for help."
Teal'c raised a brow. "Heimdall did not request our assistance. He, in fact, gave us assistance."
"Debatable." Jack looked back to Sam. She was staring at the stone, apparently oblivious to their conversation. It put him on edge as he realized she was genuinely considering it. "Carter?"
"Sir?"
"You gonna throw that thing out?"
"Excuse me?" Sam looked at him with wide eyes. Incredulous.
"Jack?" Daniel said.
"Come on. What could possibly be on that thing worth seeing?"
Jacob frowned. "Jack may have a point. Is this something you really need to rehash?"
"I do not believe that Heimdall would have given this information if it would only serve to cause harm," Teal'c said.
Jack all but rolled his eyes. "Didn't seem to bother him too much before."
"Colonel O'Neill," Hammond said, an edge to his voice.
"That's not fair," Sam said.
"Not fair?" Jack couldn't understand why she would even think to defend Heimdall. "He controlled the entire ship. But God forbid he lift one finger to help."
"He did what he could." Sam fought to keep her voice even. Which only served to drive Jack on.
"Yes. A wonderful little trip to dreamland to say 'sorry, you're on your own'. Where ever would you have been without that?"
Did she really refuse to see it? How could she possibly not blame Heimdall for what she went through? He had, quite literally, held all the power. And decided in his eternal wisdom not to use it.
They glared at each other. Jack hoped to see some reason dawn in her face. But Sam's expression radiated the same anger and frustration that he was feeling. Except it was directed squarely at him.
She shook her head, disbelief creeping into her voice. "I can't believe you."
"Backatcha."
"That's enough!" Hammond eyed Jack for a moment before continuing. "Major, I can't, and I wouldn't, tell you what you should do in this situation. I can only urge you to tread lightly."
Sam spoke through gritted teeth. "Yes, sir."
Bewildered, Jack stood. "Is everybody going insane here? You honestly think that thing is a good idea in the slightest?"
Hammond bellowed, his face beginning to darken. "Colonel O'Neill! Stand down."
For a moment he just stood there before offering a clipped "Fine."
Jack stormed out of the briefing room, heedless of the technician he nearly bowled over on his way through the control room. Furious, he could barely register the corridors he passed through. Was he the only one? Jacob's own protest had seemed hesitant at best. He should have said something when Heimdall was still there, but the Asgard had laid a bombshell on them and absconded before they could little more than blink.
As far as he was concerned, Heimdall had done more than enough already.
"What the hell?" A hand on Jack's shoulder pulled him to a stop. Before he could do anything else the door to the supply room he was now standing beside opened and he was shoved inside. Teal'c followed him, slamming the door after he was through. Teal'c then flipped the light switch, illuminating them both harshly in the bare light bulb overhead.
"You will explain yourself, O'Neill."
"Gee, I thought I just did."
Jack tried to pull Teal'c aside. The jaffa merely batted his hands away and held his ground.
"Teal'c."
Ignoring the warning, Teal'c continued. "Do you truly distrust Heimdall so greatly?"
"He had a choice. He chose to do nothing."
"Without the assistance of Heimdall, a rescue of you or Major Carter would have been impossible."
Jack shook his head. "If that attack had been just a little later, Carter'd be dead. And he would have just let it happen."
Teal'c's head cocked slightly. "Is it your honest belief that the attack upon the Yuuzhan Vong superweapon was not the correct decision?"
"Yes!" Jack withered under Teal'c's continued stare. Despite the emphatic decree, fueled by frustration and anger, they both knew he didn't believe that for one moment. That ship was a menace to everything and everyone. Who knew what would have happened if it hadn't been destroyed. As much as he hated it, he had to agree that it had been the best chance that they ever would have gotten.
Jack gave a heavy sigh, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "Maybe. No. What the hell does it matter?"
"Had Heimdall done anything to arouse suspicion, both missions would likely have failed."
Both, the attack as well as the rescue. Jack gave the barest nod. Teal'c was right.
"But he could have. Done something."
For a moment Teal'c eyed him critically. His voice softened considerably. "And you could not."
And there it was. That giant knot of guilt he carried resolutely. "Apparently."
"You believe that the information offered by Heimdall is of a detrimental nature?"
Jack shrugged. "How could it possibly help anything?"
"I do not know what is or is not on the runestone that was given to Major Carter, nor do you."
"So, you think it's a good idea?" Jack said with a small frown.
"I believe that there are many questions remaining about the true nature of Major Carter's ordeal." Teal'c gave the barest smile. "Major Carter has never been fond of unanswered questions."
"Yeah. There's that."
Jack still wasn't sure if such questions were worth answering. Some things were best to just let go, after all. Convincing her as much, well that was probably a lost cause.
"You are still avoiding Major Carter."
Jack blinked at the non sequitur. "What are you talking about? We were just up in the briefing room."
Teal'c only stared more deliberately. Uncomfortable, Jack looked down at the floor.
"Look, I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to talk to."
"This I do not believe to be true, O'Neill."
"Come on, T. It's all been on me. From the moment medusa lady hauled Carter away. She should blame me for everything that happened. I do."
He was the leader, after all. It was his job to protect his team. And he had failed to do that at every possible turn.
Teal'c swallowed before speaking. "I do not believe that Major Carter would agree with your assessment." After several moments he continued. "The only person to which Major Carter has ever assigned blame for anything that has transpired has been herself."
"She's wrong."
"You both are. The manipulation of the Yuuzhan Vong has caused Major Carter to doubt everything about who or what she is, as well as the opinion of her held by others."
"My opinion of her's just fine," Jack said. She wasn't the issue. He was.
"Your actions in the briefing room may suggest otherwise."
Jack tensed. Given some space, he could see how it might be taken that way. Even if it hadn't been his intention. "I screwed up, didn't I?"
"Indeed."
"Are we done here?"
Teal'c gave a small nod.
Scar Tissue
Daniel had to quicken his pace to keep up with Sam. "He wasn't trying to be a jerk, Sam."
"Well, he still nailed it."
The lingering frustration still oozed from her voice, and the tenseness of her body. While Jack's actions may have been out of line, Daniel knew it didn't come from a place of malice.
"Colonel O'Neill is just worried, I'm sure," Jacob said, flanking Sam on the other side. "You can hardly blame him for that."
Sam shook her head. "What, you think I should just throw it away, too?"
Jacob was quick to raise his hands. "That's not what I said. I just get why he might be a little hesitant."
"Easy for you to say. It didn't happen to you."
They ended up in the labs. Sam shut the door behind them.
Daniel started hesitantly, feeling the need to play devil's advocate. "You said yourself that you remember enough. So what is it exactly you're hoping to gain?"
"I know what they did, Daniel. Not why."
"That seems self-explanatory," Jacob said. "To gain your loyalty."
"No," Sam said with a shake of her head. She walked around to the other side of the table before looking back at them. "Why me? Why these specific memories? Hell, why bother trying this with anyone at all?"
Daniel nodded. She had clearly spent a lot of time considering these questions. And why wouldn't she, as she was the one very directly affected by the Yuuzhan Vong's actions? He could understand Sam's desire for answers. Both as her friend and as a fellow scientist. It just wasn't in her nature to let something like this go. Since it was so important to her, Daniel wanted nothing more than to help her find those answers.
"Do you think any of that is on the stone?" Daniel said.
Sam shrugged. "I hope so."
After a moment Jacob gave a brief nod. "Well, like Hammond said, it's your choice."
Sam placed the runestone on the table in front of her. She hesitated before finally running her hand across the surface. Light poured from the stone, creating a hologram over it. Daniel watched the patterns coalesce into swirls and loops. Plainly writing, but not Asgard, and definitely not English.
Through the hologram, Daniel watched Sam's intent frown as she studied it.
"You can read that?" Daniel said.
"Yeah."
Jacob cocked his head at it. "What's it say?"
Even as Sam opened her mouth the hologram shifted. The symbols replaced by English letters.
"Cool," Daniel said.
It was an index. Broadly sorted into arbitrary topics. Standing orders from Master Shaper Nem Yin. Data pertaining to the stored memories of Calisa of domain Cha. Assembled reports of the assault of Voras Nal.
"Well, Sam," Jacob said, "what now?"
"Start from the top, I guess."
Sam reached out and touched the header for the shaper orders. The column flashed and was replaced by more text. It summarized reports from Yuuzhan Vong scouts that had entered the galaxy several years before the worldships had arrived. They had taken note that the Goa'uld were a widespread presence, and their main source of resistance. The scouts had begun to take note of the resources and the hierarchy of the System Lords.
"They captured a hand device?" Daniel said as he read further.
Jacob shook his head. "I thought they hated technology."
"They do," Sam said.
"Then why were they allowed to study it? Or, I guess, why were they willing to?"
"From everything I know, they shouldn't have."
"But they did." Daniel shook his head. "It says right here that Nem Yin petitioned the Supreme Overlord himself to replicate it, and he allowed her to do so in secrecy."
It was her plan to make a new weapon for their warriors. A hand device was capable of great destruction. Access to it would give them a clear advantage, as well as demoralize their enemy. After all, only the Goa'uld were supposed to be able to wield its power. Far easier to convert an enemy that had lost their faith.
Fortunately, as the report showed, they never figured out how to remove the dependence on Goa'uld physiology for its use. Daniel didn't want to think about what might have happened on a widespread scale.
A minor Goa'uld had been captured. The tests performed suggested that the symbiote was immune to the memory alterations, and was even able to break down the blocks within the host's brain. Interrogation of the Goa'uld revealed that a host retained the ability to use Goa'uld technology if the symbiote died and was assimilated in their body. The Yuuzhan Vong killed the symbiote, but the host also died.
Daniel wondered if the Goa'uld had revealed the information in a bid to end its torture, and perhaps had orchestrated the death of the host in a final act of defiance. In any case, the goal of the program shifted. Priority changed to finding a former host, supposing that without the regenerative power of the symbiote the implantation of new memories would be possible.
Sam shook her head slowly. "You've got to be kidding me."
Daniel could only frown tightly. No doubt she read what he just had. Somehow it managed to make the whole idea of Sam's capture and brainwashing even worse. An almost unimaginable confluence of circumstances.
"They were looking for former hosts?" Jacob said. With obvious skepticism. Daniel could understand, it was virtually unheard of for a host to outlive their symbiote. At one time it had seemed an impossibility.
"And they found one," Daniel said. Practically falling into their laps. Could the Yuuzhan Vong appreciate that kind of fluke? Did they know just how rare such a thing was? They had gotten insanely lucky. Sam, for her part, had just managed to get the short end of the stick.
He looked at Sam through the hologram. She had gone back to reading the text, but Daniel could see the tense set of her jaw.
"You ok?"
"Yeah." Sam gave a small nod, but didn't look away from the hologram.
Daniel gave a small nod to himself. Later. First thing was going through the data. He focused back on the hologram.
The overview of Sam's capture almost seemed purposefully vague. Still Daniel gripped the edge of the table as he read it. There was little more than mention that the procedure to block her memories had failed on numerous occasions. That as far as the shapers could discern the same foreign elements in Sam's blood that allowed her use of Goa'uld technology also interfered with the binding of the chemical to the neurons. It mentioned thirteen alterations to the compound before it stopped breaking down. A process that had taken several weeks.
He couldn't imagine it being nearly as trivial as the summary would suggest.
"Thirteen?" Jacob's voice was filled with disbelief, awed by the magnitude. Then he was hesitant. "You remember that?"
Sam was plainly uncomfortable and quickly glossed over it. "No, actually. I'm pretty sure I'm ok with that. So, they erased the old memories and then implanted the new ones."
He couldn't help but note Sam's detachment as she spoke. The memories, not her memories.
The section ended with a reference to the remaining headers. Sam activated the reference to the memory before anyone had a chance to speak. Daniel raised his brow, but she wasn't looking at him. He read through the new text that displayed.
The memory was one of forty-six that were stored within the eighth shaper cortex. Only the Supreme Overlord held access that level, and those he personally allowed. Heimdall had noted that there was no context within the cortex itself. The memories were merely stored there with no explanation as to where they had come from or why they had been saved. He had had to cross reference many high level databases to put anything together about the origin of the stored memories, and even then it had been sparse.
It seemed that what hadn't been wiped outright had been carefully edited. No one source gave any meaningful information. Even cobbled together, it said very little explicitly. The Yuuzhan Vong sought to test the viability of a small system outside of their home galaxy. Not technically part of their galaxy, it was a solar system that existed between galaxies. The worldship of domain Cha was sent as vanguard and quickly withdrew. The Supreme Overlord, Akrass Kwaad, had decreed it unfit and they returned their attention homeward. There were no mentions at all within the generally available histories of the Yuuzhan Vong.
The forty-six were listed among the casualties of several hundred, but there was no elaboration.
"Ok," Daniel said. "There's obviously a lot more going on there."
Jacob nodded. "The reports have been sanitized, and it looks like someone would need to access a lot of high level information to even begin to make sense of it. Something happened that they didn't want anyone to know about. Even their own."
"That doesn't make any sense," Sam said under her breath.
Daniel looked at her. "Sam?"
"If they wanted this, whatever it was, buried, then why would they give me memories that were related to it in any way?"
"Maybe they didn't." Daniel and Sam both looked at Jacob. "I mean, you don't know what happened, do you?"
Sam brought a hand to her forehead as she frowned, thoughtful. "I think I remember an attack. It's just a short flash. Warriors were running down the corridor. The worldship was shaking. And that's it, I never got anything else."
"Wait." Jacob pointed at the hologram. "That can't be right. Can it?"
According to Heimdall's notes he had searched through the archival data and extrapolated that Akrass ruled thousands of years ago.
Daniel blinked. "It must be. Otherwise, why would Heimdall have bothered to note it?"
Scar Tissue
Sam could only shake her head dumbly. "This makes even less sense."
Was it really saying that she had the memories of someone that existed so very long ago? Why would they use them? Hell, why would they keep them in the first place? What exactly had happened back then?
It was difficult to think when the very idea was so outlandish.
"Sam?"
She ignored the tinge of concern in Jacob's voice. "They gave me memories of someone who was alive long before the Goa'uld were driven from Earth?"
"Cherry picked," Daniel said tightly as he pointed to the relevant paragraph. "Just enough to corroborate their narrative."
For all that she did "remember" there was an awful lot that she could never call up. Almost nothing from the actual attack, and nothing after. Easy enough to attribute to her supposed abduction from the Yuuzhan Vong. And, of course, when things had changed she hadn't bothered to dwell too hard on memories she knew to be fake. She had been far more interested in her real memories that were hidden from her.
"That's it?" Sam frowned as the text came to an end. "That still doesn't explain anything."
"There's still another section," Jacob said.
"Heimdall mentioned the Ancients." Daniel raised his brow at her. "So far there's been absolutely no mention of them."
Sam nodded. "Heimdall said they had an 'encounter'."
"Yeah. Not very specific."
"The Ancients were a technologically advanced race," Sam said. It was easy to guess the basics of that encounter. "That alone makes them anathema to everything the Yuuzhan Vong believe."
Voras Nal turned out to be the name of the Ancient outpost that resided in the remote star cluster. Heimdall noted that the data had been read from the Ancient database long ago and largely ignored. It was only when the Asgard learned of the Yuuzhan Vong attack within the Milky Way galaxy that he had recalled similarities to the entry and gave it further review.
A single ship appeared over the outpost and began firing without warning. The scan of the worldship from the logs appeared within the text, the three-dimensional image slowly rotating. There was no mistaking it.
Despite their advantage of surprise, not a single attack penetrated the shields. The return fire from the Ancients proved far more effective. Coralskippers that had begun to deploy from the worldship were utterly destroyed, and the worldship itself was quickly disabled.
In order to determine the cause of the attack and to assess the threat, random individuals were teleported from the worldship to be questioned. The runestone offered a text summary or a video log.
The option surprised her. Sam selected the log before she could register her own apprehension, curiosity outweighing nerves.
The hologram displayed a sterile gray room. There were few features outside of the light panels and some sort of pad by the doorway. In fact, there was nothing to draw away from the small figure crouched in the center of the room.
"That's..."
Sam couldn't finish her thought. It was her, the her from her memories. Dark hair and sooty skin wearing a simple frock. The girl looked over towards the closed door, offering Sam a glimpse of her own face. It only served to give her pause, to see the absolute terror staring out.
She could begin to imagine the confusion and fear of suddenly appearing in that strange place. Could practically feel it. After all, Sam could remember the panic she felt aboard the worldship in her memory.
Sam started as the door slid open and Calisa gasped sharply. A woman with long brown hair entered and Calisa withdrew to the far wall.
The woman spoke in English, obviously translated. "Don't be frightened. I'm not going to hurt you."
Calisa remained pressed against the wall, watching the woman with wide eyes. She pulled out a small device that fit easily into the palm of her hand. At first glance Sam suspected it to be some sort of scanner. Immediately, Calisa covered her face with her arms and screamed.
"No, it's ok," said the woman, struggling to be heard, "this will not harm you."
Calisa continued to cry out hysterically, crouched down, refusing to look upon the woman or the device. The woman turned back to the door, handed the object over to a man that stood there who quickly disappeared from sight.
"See? It's gone now. There's nothing to fear."
It took some coaxing before Calisa finally dared to look. The cries slowly trailed off and she calmed slightly.
"I am Niala. What is your name?"
There was a long pause. "Calisa."
"No harm shall come to you, Calisa." Niala studied her for a moment. "You are just a child. Your people would bring children to battle?"
Calisa only stared with a slight frown. Plainly not understanding the question.
"Do you know where your ship is? Why you have come here?" Calisa shook her head to both questions. Niala sounded resigned. "You do not know why your people would try to attack us."
But as Calisa's stare darted around the room, she seemed to come to an understanding. "This is technology?"
"Yes."
"You mean to corrupt me."
Niala's brow shot up. "We mean no such thing. Why do you think this?"
"The Yun'o will protect me from your heresy. I will not succumb!"
Calisa supplicated, her head touching the floor. She offered up a prayer to Yun-Yuuzhan, a request for protection against evil. Niala continued to ask for elaboration, for anything, but Calisa only repeated the prayer over and over. Finally the Ancient woman left and the recording ended.
There was a cold lump in Sam's chest. She could all too readily identify with the Yuuzhan Vong child on the recording, and what she had seen was more than enough to make her heart ache. It was starting to come together, and she didn't like at all what everything was pointing to. Sam read on if only to distract herself for a little while longer.
The Ancients had learned enough from their various interviews to realize that the Yuuzhan Vong were anti-technology. Responses ranged from aggression against their captors to fear. It was decided to return the Yuuzhan Vong teleported to the outpost back to the worldship. They were returned with the message that they were to leave as soon as their systems came back online. If they attacked or returned they would not be spared. According to the Ancient records, they did leave, and there was no other mention of the Yuuzhan Vong.
Sam didn't pay attention as the runestone eventually shut off, too deep in thought to notice. It shouldn't come a surprise, but still she couldn't believe it.
"Sam?" It wasn't Jacob's words, but his hand on her shoulder that made her look at him.
Sam realized only then that her arms were crossed tightly over her chest. "I knew they had to be real. The memories. There were just too many little details to have been a complete fabrication. I just... I never really considered that it might not have been voluntary."
Everyone that the Ancients had captured and later returned were killed. That much she knew without question. Being taken prisoner was more than enough reason, a sign of weakness, even without the other implications. Sam imagined that most of the rest of the casualties listed were others that had been eliminated that knew too much about what had happened.
Jacob frowned. "So all of that was to hide the fact that they lost."
"They didn't just lose," Daniel said, "they were completely overpowered."
Sam knew it was even more than that. "By infidels, no less. There's no way the Supreme Overlord could let that get out."
The fallout could have been devastating for him. So he had obviously done everything in his power to wipe it from memory.
"Why collect the memories in the first place, then?" Daniel said.
Sam thought she could see that answer clear enough, too. "Probably to try and find something to use against the Ancients in a counter-attack. Since they didn't go back, I can only assume there wasn't anything they could use."
"So they swept it under the rug," Jacob said.
Sam nodded.
Daniel broke the silence that fell. "You ok?"
"I don't even know where to start."
"It's a lot to take in."
It was a lot to take in. Memories almost older than the Goa'uld's presence on Earth. From long before the time the Yuuzhan Vong left their home galaxy. She would have assumed they had come from some time during their exodus, not before. After all, it stood to reason that they didn't come all that way without stopping somewhere in between.
And still, that wasn't even everything. Sam took a breath. She needed some time to sit with this before she could really understand how she felt about the whole thing.
"You know, I was expecting something a whole lot simpler."
"No kidding," Jacob said.
"Can I have some space?"
Daniel frowned. "Sam?"
"I need to figure this out a bit before I can really talk about it. You know?"
"Um. Yeah, sure. You are ok, though, right?"
Sam nodded. "Thrown for a loop, sure. Just need to process."
Jacob was even more hesitant. Not that it surprised her. There was a pregnant pause before he came around the table. He patted her shoulder before giving it a squeeze.
"You know where to find us."
Sam put a hand over his for a moment before he started out of the room. "Thanks, dad."
Daniel watched him walk out, obviously expecting more resistance from the other man. And so had she. But he finally collected himself and cleared his throat.
"Right. What he said."
Scar Tissue
Sam sat down at the crackling fire.
"If you still want to blame me, I'd understand. We both know that I'd blame you if I could."
"You mean, if you were real." Sam gave a small snort of amusement.
Calisa raised a brow from across the fire. The child shrugged. "Close enough, right? At least, as close as I'm ever going to get. You know enough to know how I'd feel."
"You would have accepted death if that's what they wanted from you. But not this. They've had your memories stored away all this time."
"And gave them to you." There was bitter resentment in Calisa's words. It was nothing short of betrayal, keeping her from what would be considered an honorable death.
Sam shook her head. "I didn't ask for this, either."
"Don't." Calisa eyed her through the flames, responding to the thoughts in her head. "Don't pity me."
Everything she had learned was gut wrenching. How could she not feel tremendous sadness for a child that was made to endure something so sinister? A child that she could only too readily relate to. Sam swallowed before she could speak. "What do you want from me?"
"What do I want from you? What do you want from me?"
"I just want you to go away," Sam said with a heavy sigh. She looked down into the crackling flames.
"Who do you think you're talking to?"
Sam's head snapped back up at the voice. Her voice. Now staring at herself from across the flames. The moment was so jarring it snapped her awake.
Sam went back to the labs rather than sit around in one of the quarters. It only seemed natural, she felt as at home in those rooms as she did anywhere else. She had spent so much time in those rooms, studying the various items they found on their travels. And she'd be damned if she let them take that away from her, after everything else they'd already taken.
She hadn't heard the approaching footsteps. "Carter?"
Sam turned to see Jack standing in the doorway. Her frustration from his behavior yesterday only served to enhance the undercurrent of anger that remained from her dream. She couldn't stop her reply from coming out clipped. "Colonel."
Jack stood there awkwardly. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Teal'c was right." Sam only raised her brow in question. "We need to talk, don't we?"
"I think I got the idea, sir." His stance seemed clear enough. "You don't trust me to make my own decisions. Though I can't really blame you for that, now can I?"
"What? No, Carter, that's not true."
She remembered his words vividly. His complete dismissal. Jack's denial of it now couldn't so easily persuade her otherwise. "Could've fooled me..."
"Ah, hell. I screwed up, ok? I've never been good at expressing myself. Everyone should know that by now. I was mad, but not at you."
"At Heimdall." Sam wasn't really sure how that changed much of anything. It still sounded like he was doubting her, regardless of who he was supposedly blaming.
"Yeah. And me. Mostly me."
Sam's eyes went wide. "Sir?"
"Well let's face it, I was never much help in this whole thing." She could see his growing impatience. "I mean, all I could really do was sit there and watch."
Sam shook her head, unable to speak. Taken aback by his self-recrimination.
Jack quickly deflected before she could respond. "Anyway, I was just trying to look out for you, and ended up putting my foot in my mouth instead. So, you took a gander at that rock?"
For a moment she could only blink at the sudden segue. "Yeah."
"Anything good?" He finally came all the way into the room.
Sam frowned for a moment. She contemplated changing the topic back, but was quick to dismiss it for the time being. It seemed he had said all he cared to for now. And this, she realized, was his peace offering.
She shrugged. "I don't know if I'd call any of it good. But it was thorough."
"Well, the Asgard are nothing if not meticulous."
"True," Sam said. "I was hoping for an explanation of why a Yuuzhan Vong would agree to that. Having their memory saved and then put in someone else. I guess I just didn't want to accept the obvious answer."
"Being?"
"That they wouldn't. I wanted to believe that these memories were from some accomplice to this whole scheme. But she was just as much a victim of circumstances as I was."
What she had been looking for was a reason not to identify with the memories in her head so readily. Hoping that it would make it easier to dismiss the thoughts and feelings that cropped up.
Jack was thoughtful, looking slightly concerned. "These are just some memories, right? No extra passenger up there or anything?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded. "It's just that I know what they believe. What is considered normal. So all these things I've done a million times and they couldn't be more natural to me, like being here on base, there's that little thought in the back of my head that this place is wrong. Unnatural. It's exhausting."
"It's your brain, you know." Sam frowned at his words. "Your rules, not theirs."
She wanted to be mad at him for being so flippant. But, as she mulled it over, maybe he did have a point. "It's not that simple."
"No. We don't seem to get a lot of simple in this business, eh?"
"No, sir."
They were quiet for a while. Sam couldn't really put aside that moment of guilt that Jack had displayed. Did he really believe that he had done nothing? It was only his presence and determination that had gotten her as far as she had gone. Captured, he had given her true purpose and a goal.
If anything, she was the one that had done almost nothing. Even going so far as nearly getting him killed.
"Whatcha thinking?" he said. There was concern in his voice, some of her thoughts showing in her face.
Sam took a moment. "You didn't do nothing. You know that, right?"
"We don't need to do this." He waved her comment away like a gnat.
"Maybe we do."
"So, what," Jack said, arching his brow, "you're going to tell me it wasn't my fault? To not blame myself."
"I wasn't lying before. I really couldn't have done it with without you."
"You're gonna make me blush."
Sam just crossed her arms and stared harshly. Not allowing him to dismiss her so blithely. When she didn't back down, he gave a small shake of his head.
"Pot, meet kettle."
She acknowledged the irony with a small snort. "It's still true."
Sam could see the moment an idea hit him. "Tell you what, if you don't blame yourself then I won't blame myself."
In all honesty, she was just as tired of trying to go against what everyone was trying to tell her as anything else. This was an excuse, and one that put their collective stubborn streaks to good use. Plus, she could just tell herself that it was for his benefit.
"Deal," she said.
"Huh?"
He obviously had expected some sort of protest, taken aback to have no resistance. Jack simply watched Sam as she came forward and put her hand out to shake on it.
"You sure?" he said.
Sam couldn't help the smirk that started. "Not trying to back out, are you?"
"Who, me? Never."
"Nervous?"
"A little. You?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded. "A little."
They shook hands, and that simple act was such a strange relief. To have that commitment, however arbitrary. Not that it was going to magically be over, but that they weren't going to submit to their inner demons without a fight.
"You know what I could use?" When Sam only shrugged, Jack continued. "Beer. Brats. Bocce."
"Bocce?" Sam echoed dubiously.
"Badminton? I don't know I was stuck on Bs. Barbecue. Get the gang together and unwind."
"You know, sir," Sam said with a growing smile, "I think I could use that, too."
THE END
