Author's Note: Gah, I feel like the last two chapters were so much exposition. Also, two chapters in one night, I'm clearly on a tear until I go MIA again for like 8 months.
Chapter 29
October 23, 2004
I don't know who to tell.
I don't know what I should do.
I never prepared myself for this moment.
I'm so scared….
Eva sat on the uncomfortable hospital bench in the thinly veiling paper gown. She smiled awkwardly at the nurse who had been taking her vitals just a few moments ago.
"He'll be in shortly." the nurse reassured with a much more pleasant smile.
"Thanks." Eva replied, shifting nervously. A few more minutes passed before her doctor entered. Eva loved him. He was smart, straight-forward, and attentive. Though, her father had a much less charitable view of the man. What kind of a doctor looks that frazzled?! We're supposed to be confident in his ability to treat Eva when he can't even be bothered to shave?! Eva could hear her father's voice loud and clear in her head, but she didn't mind the way Dr. Sudo dressed. He was younger, maybe only in his late thirties, but his hair had been varying shades of grey for a while. It matched the stubble on his face and crow's feet that had begun to develop around his eyes, admittedly more so since he had begun treating Eva. Eva didn't mind. She thought it gave him a better smile—not that he needed it. Dr. Sudo scratched his stubble as he read over her chart.
"How has this cycle of chemo been?" he finally asked, making diligent notes on her chart.
"Um…it's been okay, I guess. I mean, it's been worse than the last one, but nothing intolerable." He nodded as he wrote to let her know he was still listening. "I've been more nauseous. I haven't had as much nerve pain, but I've been really sore. And tired. I've just been really, really, tired."
"Even with the steroids?" he asked.
"Yes." Eva bit her lip nervously as he looked up at her. "What?"
"I'd like to run a few more tests before we jump to any conclusions." he said calmly, clearly seeing the panic in her eyes.
"What are one of the conclusions you don't want to jump to?" Eva asked. He was hesitant to answer.
"While we adjusted the strength of some medications, overall, this dose of chemotherapy is lower than the previous cycle. So, you shouldn't be having worsening symptoms." he finally said.
"What does that mean?"
"…it could be a sign of your cancer worsening."
"Worsening how?" Eva's voice shook.
"We won't know until we run the tests." Dr. Sudo said.
"If you had to estimate?" Eva couldn't wait another week for answers.
"I don't want you to jump to the worst-case scenario. We can expedite the testing. You can have all of the lab work done here, and I can test it myself. We can schedule your biopsy for tomorrow, just in case we need it if the lab work doesn't provide enough answers." Eva nodded. He gave her a weak smile and began giving directions to the nurse. Dr. Sudo was kind. He had always tried to ease Eva's anxiety, and usually, it worked, but today was different.
"Dr. Sudo." Eva finally called out before he could leave the room. He turned and met her eyes. "What is the worst-case scenario?" A long exhale left his nose as he shut the door.
"In pervious patients, results like these have indicated that chemotherapy has lost efficacy."
"That specific regimen or—"
"All chemotherapy. Most treatments, in fact." he clarified. Eva nodded, fully understanding how dire her situation really was.
It was bittersweet. Dr. Sudo had told her no biopsy was necessary, but as she sat in his office waiting for him to walk in with her results, her anxiety grew. Maybe it was something simple—something that was easy to fix. Or maybe it was so hopeless that he didn't need to look any further, no solutions existed for her current situation.
"Sorry for the wait." Dr. Sudo said as he walked in and handed her a copy of the results. "I'll give you a moment to—"
"I don't understand." Eva didn't need a moment. She could see it clear as day. It was all she could see. Tears began to sting her eyes. "I thought with this new round of chemo—" she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence before the words choked up in her throat.
"It's not a perfect science." Dr. Sudo whispered back.
"W-what…what should I do?" The tears were flowly freely now.
"Unfortunately, I can't tell you what to do. I can only consult you on what your options are. I can go over them with you now, but if you're still unsure of what to do, bring a family member or someone you trust with you. I can consult with the two of you together." Dr. Sudo replied. Eva wiped away her tears and nodded between sniffles. "Okay, at this point, you can choose to discontinue chemotherapy…" The explanation went on for approximately 15 minutes and Eva felt like she barely processed any of it. At several moments, she found herself daydreaming, revisiting the hiking trail that she had traversed with Light, the glow of the city lights, the smell of the snow, the sound of the rain…she wished she had seen more, done more.
October 24, 2004
I haven't told anyone yet.
I came home last night intending to tell mom and dad, but they both looked so happy…finally. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
L has been so busy prepping Misa for her interview with the Yotsuba Group that we haven't really talked…like at all. I don't even know if I want to tell him. Maybe it's better that he doesn't know, and I just quietly fade out his life. By the time he has enough time to wonder where I am…I'll be long gone.
And Light…I miss Light.
"Is everything okay?" Reiji asked as he observed Eva absentmindedly moving her food from one side of the plate to the other without stopping to eat.
"Hm?" Eva asked, looking up and out of her daydreams.
"You seem distracted." he said with a smirk.
"O, yea, I guess I am a little." She forced a smile and sat back in her chair. "Hey, I heard Misa Amane got a marketing deal with Yotsuba."
"It's pending." Reiji replied, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear and returning his eyes to his plate of food. "Her interview is…" he checked his watch, "…started ten minutes ago."
"You don't have to attend stuff like that?" Eva feigned ignorance.
"Not unless I'm interested. But you're her manager, shouldn't you be attending?" he looked dead into her eyes, and there was something about his question that made her uneasy.
"No." Eva replied with a little laugh. "I quit, so I don't really have a stake in it anymore."
"That makes sense." Reiji leaned back in his chair and looked out of the window of the restaurant at the passing cars. "Pre-law students at To-Oh, especially those who scored in the top 90%, typically don't have the patience for models and actresses." Eva froze, a chill running down her spine. Reiji kept his eyes on the window, but something about his demeanor let her know that he was keenly aware of her expression and reaction.
"W-what?" Eva asked, trying to sound natural.
"I had a hunch." he explained nonchalantly, "So, I worked a few contacts through my father, and your father was more than eager to share pictures and stories about you, Eva." He finally moved his eyes back to hers, catching her like a deer in headlights. "They're quite close." When she first began investigating Reiji Namikawa, Eva would have said this exact moment was her worst fear. However, in light of recent events, she managed to calm her nerves a bit more.
"How long have you known?" she asked.
"Not long. Just a few days. Why did you lie?"
"It's a long story."
"I have time." he quickly replied. She scoffed. He clearly wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"I had kind of a falling out with my parents." Eva began, playing with her fork. "There was a lot that happened, and I…I just didn't want to hurt them."
"Hurt them?" he pried.
"I have stage four renal cancer…and I decided to stop treatment." It was a quick way to get nosy people to stop asking questions. "I can't really bring myself to tell them that. It's just easier if they think I don't want to be around them. It'll give them a chance to live without me before they have to…literally live without me."
"I see…." Reiji looked down with the same look that everyone had when they learned about her affliction: like they couldn't bear to hold the heaviness of her gaze. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Please don't tell them where I am or what I'm doing." she stated plainly, hoping it would keep him from revealing her connections, and make him uncomfortable enough to stop digging into her story all together.
"Of course."
Light yawned. He hated paperwork, regardless of how necessary it was to their investigation. He heard the distinct clicking of the elevator and spun in his chair to find Eva making a b-line to him and L. There was something different about her. Even on her worst days, Eva always had an optimistic glow about her…but it was noticeably missing today.
"How did the interview go?" she asked L.
"Fine." L mumbled in response, holding out his hand for her bug. She went to place it in his palm but hesitated. L looked up at her, his brow pulling together with concern for a moment. "What—" Eva leaned forward and whispered something in his ear. L's eyes grew wider, his brow twitched, his lips parted, and his jaw tightened.
"…I just thought you should hear it from me…instead of a recording." Eva said, quickly disappearing into the elevator again. L sat there, hand still out with the bug sitting in it, looking more terrified than Light had ever seen him look.
"Ryuzaki? What's wrong?"
