Chapter Twenty-One: A Rough Patch

It was just past midnight when Hawks received a text from Aizawa.

'We need to talk. Meet me at Fukuoka Tower.'

Hawks shoved down a bundle of nerves and sent a brief okay before getting dressed. He glanced at his notebook but decided it wasn't ready to be given to the other Hero yet and headed out the door with his feathers hidden in his clothes. He walked right below the Heroes responsible for watching over him.

Like he predicted, they expected him to take to the air if he snuck out. They should have known he would not be so predictable. Mockingjay would have a fit if she found out he left so easily. Which is why Hawks was conveniently not going to mention it to her.

Once he was a few blocks away he took to the air.

Chances he's changed his mind about my mental state?

"Low to none." Green reassured him.

"If anything, you're probably on his 'Protect Because They're a Dumbass' list." Yellow added. "I too was a member of that elite club."

Funny.

"Not joking~" Yellow sang.

Hawks landed on the building and immediately spotted Aizawa crouched near it's edge. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Nice view."

"I'm sure you have seen nicer." Aizawa said dismissively. He rose from his crouch and crossed his arms. "Eight time travelers are in your head. All my students."

Hawks wasn't sure if he meant it as a request for confirmation or what so he nodded.

Aizawa huffed and dropped his arms to his sides. "Problem children. All of you."

"Hey, don't group me with them." Hawks protested. "I'm a responsible adult!"

Aizawa gave him a look. His expression spasmed like he had thought of something unpleasant and he abruptly turned his head away. "Were they aware when the Commission had you?"

"No." Hawks reassured him quickly. "They locked themselves in and didn't feel anything."

"I see." Aizawa said softly. He removed his goggles from his eyes and left them dangling around his neck. "What's the plan?"

"I'll take over." Green said.

Hawks nodded and braced himself.

Aizawa's hand landed on his arm, stopping him. He'd like to pretend he did not tense up at the touch but it was hard to fool nine people, eight of whom were in his head. The Underground Hero's expression was unreadable.

"You can tell me." he stated.

Green could not fully stifle his disappointment.

Deciding not to question Aizawa, Hawks filled him in as much as he could about the biggest players they currently needed to focus on, mostly focusing on the League rather than the Meta Liberation Army.

"Our next step is to stop Shigaraki at the mall." He finished. "Once he's out of the way, we're trying to figure out how to raid the Nomu Factory without losing All Might or getting Heroes killed. The biggest problems right now are All For One and the Doctor— the creator of the Nomu. AFO is too strong for everyone except All Might, and Doctor Ujiko has a Nomu that'll let him teleport the League away if he wants. The voi—" Hawks realized calling them 'the voices' out loud was probably a bad idea. "My friends never found out where he hid. He has secret labs all over the world."

"So even if we raided the factory, there's no guarantee that we'd arrest them all." Aizawa murmured. "And if we lose them there, there's no telling where they'll show up next. Plus, if they realize we have information we shouldn't they'll start investigating… which could lead them to you."

Hearing it put into words was not comforting.

"…Yeah." Hawks said lamely.

Aizawa sighed and cracked his neck. "I'll look into it and get back to you." His sharp gaze met Hawks's and narrowed to slits. "It would be wisest not to share your 'friends' with anyone else. They will react badly."

The way he said it— as if hoping otherwise was foolishly naive to the point of idiocy— made Hawks's stomach sink. Was his word truly that worthless when it came to convincing others his story was real?

He covered a wince with a smile. "Yeah, yeah. Gotta keep it to myself, as always. I know I'm stupid but I'm not that stupid."

Aizawa's dark eyes scrutinized him with an intensity he immediately disliked. The Underground Hero abruptly turned and launched himself off the roof, swinging away.

Hawks watched him go and huffed. "Bye to you, too."

"Huh." Green said, his puzzlement brushing at Hawks. "I thought sensei would want to speak with us."

"He's probably still processing." Pink said.

"Maybe." Purple murmured, sounding distracted.

"Do you want to share your thoughts?" Red asked politely.

"No."

Yellow immediately began to pester him with much less politeness than Red.

That set off Silver, who scolded him for being nosy, which set off Orange, who scoffed at him for his 'predictably uptight' reaction.

The voices continued to bicker good-naturedly as Hawks took to the air.

Sneaking back into the apartment was disturbingly easy.

XXXXXXX

It was five in the morning when Aizawa went home after patrol. It had taken a while to travel back from Fukuoka but he found the extra trip was worth it. His thoughts buzzed with what Hawks had told him— and what he had seen— but he had to admit the full weight of what he'd learned had yet to hit him.

It was simply so… fantastical. Yes, this world had many amazing and strange Quirks that would not be out of place in science fiction stories, but time travel? The fight had been lost so badly in the future that Heroes— his students— had to rely on time travel to fix it? If he were being completely honest with himself, Aizawa was still not sure he did fully believe it. But he would try to, because if it was his students in there— troubled and scared and alone and desperate for help— he had to. For them and for Hawks.

Aizawa tried to picture a world where Izuku Midoriya realized he could not save it and his imagination failed him. That kid was the type of Hero to keep fighting until his body was literally past breaking, and yet this future had successfully broken that seemingly indomitable belief he could save everyone. Perhaps that was why Aizawa was not ready to speak with 'Green' just yet.

Though it may also be Hawks's rather concerning willingness to give up his body when he clearly did not want to. Unbidden, All Might's words echoed in Aizawa's mind.

"He keeps insisting that I do not have the full story and they had 'good reasons' to possess him and use his body for themselves. He would not tell me what they made him do. I'm not sure he himself knows. And he seems convinced he cannot leave them… I fear I will answer the phone one day and he'll tell me they betrayed his trust and possessed him again, or worse."

It had been them. Hawks's 'voices'. Aizawa's future time traveling students. They were the ones who took control of Hawks's body while he was asleep or drifting. They were the ones that had broken Hawks's trust, but who Hawks had so easily forgiven because they were good people.

They had taken control of Hawks like he was an empty puppet they could manipulate, all while he was unaware.

For 'good reasons'.

Aizawa was a common practitioner who toed the different grey shades of morality, but to hear his students had traversed into those waters and done such a thing? He did not know what to feel about that.

So no, he was not quite ready to speak with his time traveling students.

Time travel.

Damn it all.

Aizawa entered his new apartment to find Present Mic on the couch, snoring away. There were ribbons in his hair and glitter smudged across his nose.

Aizawa peeked into Eri's room to find the girl was fast asleep, her new Hawks plushie clutched safely in her arms. The toy and her were glitter free but he could see it had a gold bow clipped to its hair. Aizawa's lips quirked and he quietly backed out of the room, content that Eri was alright for tonight.

His phone vibrated and he saw it was a message from Nedzu asking for him to come to his office. Aizawa resigned himself to a night without sleep and exited his apartment mere minutes after he returned, heading to the Principal's office.

Nedzu was sitting at his desk with a steaming cup of coffee placed in front of the empty chair. Aizawa sat down and took a long drink. He lowered the half-empty mug.

"Thank you."

Nedzu chuckled. "I had a feeling you would need the caffeine. I prefer tea myself but can make an adequate cup of coffee in a pinch."

Aizawa hummed in agreement and sipped his coffee, extending its consumption as much as he could.

Nedzu folded his paws and laid them on the desk, ears twitching. "As for why I called you here at this time of the—" His beady black eyes flicked to the clock. "—morning, I would simply like to discuss our recent guest."

Aizawa lowered the mug again, setting on the desk in front of him. "Hawks?"

Nedzu blinked. "Ah, yes. I do mean him. In hindsight, I suppose I could have been speaking of young Eri."

"What would you like to know?" Aizawa asked, trying not to hedge.

Nedzu would notice if he was evasive. This was a conversation Aizawa could not say he dreaded facing but one he wished he had more time to process things before having. He was more than a little suspicious that Nedzu may already know more than he was letting on and was simply seeing what Aizawa would tell him.

Nedzu appeared calm, but Aizawa recognized the steely, calculating glint in his eyes. "Hawks told you some truths, did he not?"

"You don't know?" Aizawa asked, surprised. "I thought you'd be listening in."

Nedzu's nose twitched. "No. I do not have cameras or listening devices in Recovery Girl's office."

Aizawa had a feeling it was because she insisted more than him respecting patient confidentiality.

Nedzu cocked his head to the side in a questioning manner. "Well?"

Aizawa met the Principal's gaze. "Yes. Hawks told me what was going on, or at least as much as he knows. His… unexpected Quirk outburst was a surprise to him."

"Is he a Nomu?" Nedzu asked, tone unnervingly neutral.

"No." Aizawa said instantly.

"Is he a sleeper agent?"

"No."

"Will he harm those within this school?"

"Never." Aizawa said with certainty.

Even without his students' future selves in Hawks's head, he knew the younger Hero would rather lose a limb than let a kid be harmed. In fact, Aizawa worried more about Hawks refusing to fight back if someone attacked him than the other way around.

The steel slipped from Nedzu's gaze and he nodded absently. "I will not demand you tell me what he told you. If you thought I needed to know, you would have already spoken. I trust your judgment, Shota."

Aizawa thought as much, though it was a bit flattering to have that confirmed. "Does his… Quirk problems change anything about our timetable?"

"I'm afraid not." Nedzu admitted. "If we had an open position we needed to fill, it would be simple to bring Hawks onto our staff. However, since we intend to create a teaching assistant position for him, we should wait until a new term— or at least the training camp— in order to accept his 'application'. If we attempt to bring him into UA now, the Commission will be suspicious and may take measures to ensure we cannot employ him at all."

Aizawa knew he was right. If the Commission suspected UA was giving Hawks a way out of his cage, they would chain him and take him away where the other Heroes could not reach him. Or— if they wanted to be petty when reminding UA who had more power outside of the campus— they may make some arbitrary law where a Hero had to be thirty or older in order to work at UA. Aizawa would not put it past them.

When they accepted Hawks's application to UA— he had said he would like to teach again and that was a good enough 'application' for Aizawa and Nedzu— the UA teachers and staff had to bring him in quickly enough that the Commission would not be able to remove him without causing a public fuss.

Politics and dealing with the public were two of Aizawa's least favorite parts of Hero work, but he knew how to play this game. They just had to make sure they did not lose Hawks due to a reckless move on their end.

"Of course." was all Aizawa said. "Is there anything else?"

"Not at the moment, no." Nedzu said. "However, you should try to get some sleep before your day starts. And maybe shower."

His black eyes twinkled with mirth. Aizawa grumbled lowly— neither refusing or accepting his advice— and rose from his seat. He took the cooling mug of coffee with him. Nedzu had plenty of mugs laying around. He could afford to let Aizawa borrow one.

XXXXXXX

Hanging out at Fukuoka's bars was something Twice found himself doing a lot more lately. It wasn't like he was stressed or depressed or anything— not any more than usual— but the old thoughts were coming back. The ever-elusive Shigaraki was withdrawing more than usual lately, and Twice could tell he had something on his mind. He almost wished it was a plan, simply for something to do other than wallow in his own lack of acceptable social skills.

Twice did not know why, but there was this… disconnect he felt with the other League members. It was probably 'getting to know you' jitters, but he could not help but wonder if it was more than that. Hearing Shigaraki's visceral hatred of Heroes was normal, but a part of Twice could not bear to hear it because he knew that just like all Villains weren't chaos-driven types, he knew not all Heroes deserved to be turned to dust.

At least Hawks was back, and seemingly none the worse for wear this time. He looked exhausted but there were no weird bruises or burns as far as Twice could tell.

…Okay, Twice was seriously starting to wonder if he had developed a Hawks-obsession because yeah, he was thinking about his possibly fellow split personality-holder waayyyyyy too much in his free time.

And also still acting like a not-stalker in his free time.

Damn it, that was a bad look even for a Villain because nope, that was not the kind of Villain Twice wanted to be. He wanted to be himself, not a stalker-ing creep. At least he was not as obsessed as Toga, who wanted nothing more than to get some of Hawks's blood so she could become who Stain adored.

Twice slouched over his half-empty drink and eyed it miserably. Argh, why do I have to overthink this of all things!

Because it's socially unacceptable to walk up to someone and go 'Hey, I know you have a split personality like me. Want to bond?' I fear that he'll reject me like so many others.

He gritted his teeth. That's right. I shouldn't even bother with trying to befriend a Hero. I shouldn't expect the entire League to become friends in a couple weeks. Friendships take time and I probably missed my chance with Hawks.

Twice took a gulp of his drink and sighed. The chair next to him creaked and he glanced to the left, acknowledging the woman who sat beside him. She had a rather severe and solemn look to her, accentuated by her neat brown braid and sharp grey eyes. That seriousness was not hindered by the casual clothes she wore, with the most standout part of her outfit being the gloves covering her hands. Did she have a touch-based Quirk or something?

"Hey." she said briefly. "I hope you don't mind that I sit here."

"Not at all." Twice mumbled. He hoped she did not feel too chatty. He didn't feel like talking much himself.

The woman must have already ordered a drink because she did not wave the bartender down. Instead she leaned forward and propped her chin on her hand. "Come here often?"

So she did want to chat. Damn it.

"Over the past few weeks, yeah." Twice muttered vaguely, taking a drink. "Just… seeing the sights."

"I've noticed you around town." the woman noted. She leaned towards him conspiratorially. "You don't have to hide it. You came here to see Hawks, right? A lot of people do."

Her tone was teasing in a slightly stilted, socially awkward way that suggested she was unused to talking to strangers. Apparently Twice looked so miserable than an anti-social person thought he needed to talk to somebody. Strangely enough, that discomfort actually put Twice at ease.

He cleared his throat. "Well… maybe?"

The woman did not seem bemused by his tourism habits. Instead she looked rather bored as her grey eyes drifted along the bottles of alcohol behind the bar. "I noticed you watching him fly by on patrol sometimes. Are you a fan?"

Twice chuckled awkwardly. "Kinda. I… uh… well…" His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "Aw, to hell with it. I met him once and thought we could be friends but I didn't try to ask him. So naturally I'm dithering while trying to figure out how to become friends when it's probably too late." He wrinkled his nose. "That sounds horribly romance-like. Ugh, no." He scoffed. "Romance is soooo overrated. Friendship is the best!" Twice twitched and avoided looking at the woman, hoping she pinned his mood swing on being drunk. "Shit, that was corny."

The woman did not appear scornful. She did not look particularly amused either. Twice got the feeling she tended not to show her thoughts on her face.

She inclined her head in an almost regal manner. "I see. Just checking. I'm not an expert at making friends but you should try to approach Hawks. Just go up and say 'hi'. He could use more people like you on his side."

Twice had to snort at that. He lowered his head, focusing on his drink. "People like me, huh? He needs a strange man in his thirties who looks at someone and goes 'potential friend!' while struggling to make friends?"

The woman did not laugh with— or at— him. "He needs people who are honest and don't want to use him for something. You're a good man, even if your record tries to claim otherwise. You seem like a guy who's merely fallen into something they'll regret. So if you'd heed some advice from a stranger: Get out of the League while you can, Jin Bubaigawara."

Twice's head snapped up, but the grey-eyed woman was already gone.

XXXXXXX

Miruko still was not talking to Hawks.

As Monday passed and the day of his follow-up appointment arrived, she did not offer to take him there. In fact, she did not speak to him at all. She left the apartment before he woke and ate in her room if she was home when he was, taking what might be a bottle of alcohol with her whenever he happened to spot her in the kitchen. Hawks had no idea what he had done wrong.

"Maybe she just wants some time and space to herself?" Pink offered as a rather optimistic explanation.

"But why?" Green countered. "She was perfectly fine when we woke up at UA. She was worried, in fact. Remember?"

"Vaguely." Silver said, summarizing their hazy recollection of their return to consciousness in a word.

"Something must have happened." Green stated.

"Or she's sick of us." Orange growled.

"Orange—"

"Don't 'Orange' me. We're all thinking it. She might have realized how screwed up our brain is and decided we're not worth her time—"

No. Hawks shook his head vehemently. Rumi wouldn't act like this because of… that stuff.

"Are you sure?" It was Purple who uttered the challenging question. "You know how people can react to this kind of thing. It's similar to how they react to 'villainous' Quirks. They act fine and accepting at first, but when they realize the 'issues' aren't going away and they'll be stuck caring for someone, they abandon ship. It's part of the reason why Twice became so loyal to the League. He wanted acceptance and could only find it there."

Rumi wouldn't 'abandon ship', Hawks insisted. Something else is wrong.

Most of the voices believed him but Orange, Purple, and even Silver were skeptical. It was Silver's disbelief that hit the hardest, and Hawks wondered if there was something obvious he was missing. His phone rang and he glanced at it, answering upon seeing Aizawa's number.

"Hey."

"Hello, Hawks." Aizawa sounded exhausted. Before Hawks could worry, he continued speaking. "Is Miruko still with you?"

Hawks withheld a wince. "She had a mission so she left early. I'm by myself. Well, myself and those Heroes outside that I totally did not notice."

Aizawa did not acknowledge his sarcasm. Rude. "Dammit." He breathed. "I was hoping she'd be there. I'm afraid I can't bring you to your appointment. Eri might have another outburst."

Hawks gripped his phone, careful not to break it. "Stay with her. I can get to the office myself."

"No." Aizawa said quickly. "Toshinori is still available. He will drive you."

Hawks repressed a sigh. "Look, he doesn't have to take time off from work just for me. I know Kae—" He glanced apprehensively at the bug-filled walls of the apartment even though it was probably too late to hide anything. "—he is out there, but I can handle myself."

"That's not it." Aizawa said. "You're going over your results today. You shouldn't have to be alone."

Based on the voices' discontent, Hawks knew arguing would get him nowhere so he relented. "Okay."

He picked up the notebook he had spent much of the night filling out. He and the voices had only gotten as far as the first part of the League's attack at the summer camp since it turned out eight people had a lot to say on different events, both important and minor but could become important. He'd rather give unnecessary details than accidentally leave something important out.

"Listen, I have the first part of the… report we talked about done. When can I drop it off?"

Thankfully, Aizawa understood the underlying message. "I'll pick it up tonight."

"Great. See you then." Hawks hung up.

He glanced down at the notebook and shoved it into his bag with his costume. He'd rather not leave it laying in the apartment. It wasn't safe here.

Toshinori pulled up a few minutes later. Hawks got into the passenger's seat and placed his bag on his lap as he shut the door.

"Hi. Thanks for driving me."

"You're welcome." Toshinori said cheerfully.

He looked oddly pleased as he pulled away from the apartment, like a kid who had gotten a box of their favorite sweet.

"What has you so happy?" Hawks asked.

Toshinori almost looked embarrassed, his gaunt cheeks turning pink. "Would you believe me if I said I do not drive much? And certainly not with a friend. It's a rather peaceful experience."

Hawks wished he had his collar to hide in. How could this man be so genuine? Freaking teddy bear. Still, his statement brought up a lot of questions but many were too personal for Hawks to want to prod for answers at the moment.

"Guess you haven't faced much road rage on your trips then. So how do you get to work?" he asked curiously.

"I walk, mostly."

Hawks's lips twitched. "That can't be good for your punctuality. I bet you stop and pet every animal you see along the way."

"Perhaps."

"And you're the guy that brings every stray you find to a shelter."

"Maybe."

"And you save cats from trees."

He laughed. "Guilty as charged."

The rest of the drive was quiet. Hawks did not realize he didn't feel like talking until they pulled up to the office with barely another word passing between them. He must have gotten car sick because he was feeling a little queasy as he got out. There was not enough time for him to walk it off before they reached the receptionist's desk. In fact, he felt worse.

Unlike the last time, he was not immediately seen by the doctor though he was put in a private room. That helped ease Hawks's worries a bit because the last thing he needed was his presence here being leaked onto social media. The internet would have a field day and half of Japan would be convinced he was secretly dying by lunch.

Hawks sat on the patient's table while Toshinori took a chair by the door. He ignored the large white screen on the wall, which was currently blank. While he waited, he was asked to fill out another form. As he considered some of the questions, he wondered if he should lie about some of the answers because many of them felt oddly specific. And many of the answers to those specific questions were 'Yes'.

Was Chida stalking him or something? Did he have a mind-reading Quirk?

"I think these are standard questions." Green reassured him. "You should probably be honest."

"You should definitely be honest." Silver corrected indignantly. "This is about your health."

Hawks gave in. Fine.

He'd barely finished the questionnaire— some of the questions were difficult and personal, okay?— before the someone knocked on the door. Doctor Chida came in and greeted Hawks with a smile.

"Hello, Hawks." He glanced at Toshinori and inclined his head. "And Toshinori. It's good to see you again."

"No offense, Doctor, but it's nicer to see you when I am not a patient." Toshinori said.

Chida chuckled good-naturedly. "You are not the first person to say that to me. Now then..." He turned to Hawks. "Did you complete that paperwork?"

Hawks nodded and reluctantly held out the form. Chida took the questionnaire from him and attached it to his clipboard before skimming it. None of his thoughts showed on his face, but Hawks knew he was being judged.

He was such an idiot. What had he been thinking, answering yes to some of those questions? He should have known better. He should have lied, or at least bluffed his way through it like he did with the Commission. Chida was probably probing for signs of weakness like the Commission did whenever they had him fill out 'psych exams'. Why else would Chida care whether Hawks had trouble sleeping, flashbacks, and nightmares?

Maybe I can play it off as a mistake. I read the questions wrong and marked the wrong spots. Or I was joking. I'm the joking type after all. I never take things seriously—

"Gold, Chida isn't a Commission doctor." Green interrupted. "He wants to help you."

What's your proof? Hawks demanded. You didn't know this doctor before Sunday.

Green remained firm. "My 'proof' is that Recovery Girl trusts him, and he helped A— ah, Toshinori. You trust Toshinori, right? Do you think he would go to a man with ulterior motives?"

Hawks had to begrudgingly acknowledge he was right. He crossed his arms and bounced his leg, keeping his fingers away from his feathers. Chida asked him a few more questions and he curtly answered, giving no more information than necessary. Toshinori kept glancing at him with a worried look on his face and it was really getting under Hawks's skin.

Finally, Chida moved on, flipping a page on his clipboard. "Your results are right here. Let's go over them, shall we?"

Hawks held his breath.

Chida tapped his pen on the form in front of him. "Good news, there are no malignant tumors. You also do not have meningitis, which is often what causes seizures."

Those possibilities had not even crossed Hawks's mind. "Oh." he said lamely. "That's… good?"

"Indeed." Chida said pleasantly.

Hawks abruptly noticed he was not smiling. He didn't look grave, but he appeared rather solemn. The doctor reached up and tapped the screen on the wall. Two images of a brain appeared. The one on the left was colored, while the one on the right was mostly grey.

"These images are standard brain scans for an adult male around your age, accounting for your Quirk and how it affects your psychology and physiology. These—" His finger pointed at white spots on the right image. "—are brain lesions. In the case of this brain, they are minor and benign." He touched the screen and two more scans appeared above the first two. "This is your brain."

Hawks stared. He knew it was the point of an MRI to show what was going on in his head, but he did not think the difference would be so noticeable. On the colored images, the colors were brighter, bigger, and in the wrong places. On the black and white scan, he could see far too many white spots.

"Your scan shows dysfunction in the amygdala, hippocampus, and Brocas area of your brain." Chida said. "The amygdala is an integrative center for emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation. The hippocampus has a role in memories, and is responsible for converting short term memories into long term ones. The Brocas area is responsible for speech and language production. People who have damage to this area can understand words but sometimes have trouble speaking them."

"I'm fine." Hawks blurted. "I can speak fine. Most of the time." His gaze locked onto the upper images and his fingers wrapped around the edge of his seat. It was too soft to bite into his palms. "I— This— This can't be mine. Has there been a mix up?"

Chida looked at him with such empathy that even Hawks could not mistake it for pity. "No, Hawks. This is your brain." He pointed at some of the blotches on the grey image. "None of the lesions are malignant, but their presence is concerning. Have you suffered any blows to the head as of late?"

"I don't think so." Hawks said. His voice was distant again and there was static in his ears. "Nothing that bad, anyway. But I've been having headaches…"

"You indicated that in the form." Chida acknowledged. "Do you feel they are headaches or migraines?"

Hawks opened his mouth and recalled Silver's words. It hit him then that he would not be the only one affected if the doctors got things horribly wrong. The voices were in his head. If Chida prescribed some type of medication, what might it do to them? Giving false information about his pain could end up hurting them.

"I think they're migraines." he admitted. "I've been taking aspirin. It helps. Sometimes."

His gaze was drawn back to the scans but he forced it away.

Chida noticed. He reached out and gently put his hand on Hawks's. Hawks stiffened at the contact but did not pull his hand away.

"We do not have the scans to compare your brain to itself from the past, but I can assure you many of these changes are rather recent. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say within the last year."

Hawks could only stare. The situation was almost so bad it was funny. He was looking at a picture of his brain, a brain which seemed unable to process what it was hearing about itself. How freaking hilarious.

"We did this."

It took Hawks a moment to realize it was Green that spoke, his horror stabbing through him like a spear through the gut. The walls inside his head cracked and held but their guilt shattered the windows, swamping him. His throat closed up and his breathing grew harsher as his vision went grey. Someone was crying and he hoped it wasn't him because the walls were still cracking and a kaleidoscope of colors invaded the grey, mixing together and turning it all into a murky black.

Someone was holding him but they weren't restraining him. He could move his arms— still had two— and his wings— still there, not cut off— and when he struggled, the person released him, unlike the many Nomu they— he had fought.

No, that wasn't right. He had only fought that one Nomu at Hosu, and it did not grab him. Right? Right, of course he was right he had to be right he knew himself he knew his memories he was him and him alone—

The voices forcibly pulled themselves back into their 'room' and slammed the doors shut. The windows were still broken though, and Hawks could still feel their guilt because what had they done? He should reassure them it wasn't their fault— they did not ask to be shoved into his brain— but he had more pressing matters to deal with in the outside world when he blinked and was able to take in his surroundings once more.

Chida was still there. Hawks was surprised the doctor had not sedated him. It's what the ones at the Commission would have done. Based on Toshinori's position near the patient's table, it was obvious he had been the one holding him. There was a forming bruise on his arm. Had Hawks done that?

"I'm sorry." Hawks's voice cracked. He hadn't meant for it to. It just did.

Toshinori's expression softened further and Hawks was horrified to realize he— Hawks— must be fishing for sympathy in order to escape punishment again. He used to do it all the time according to his handlers, who'd made sure to set him straight because 'acting pathetic' would not stop Villains from hurting him so it wouldn't stop his handlers either. He'd be having a lesson with Amplifier or stuck in remedial courses if his handlers found out he acted like this.

He realized the Commission was going to find out about this visit and struggled to keep his expression neutral.

"You do not need to apologize." Chida soothed him, and Hawks felt another wave of guilt. Couldn't the doctor tell he was being manipulated? "You are not alone in this, Hawks. Twenty out of every one hundred Heroes develop some type of PTSD."

Hawks found he had lost his ability to speak.

Chida's voice remained gentle. "There are many symptoms for PTSD. Among them are a history or exposure to trauma, flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories, avoiding reminders of that trauma, over-vigilance, trouble sleeping, easily being startled, negative thoughts or feelings, and significant distress or dysfunction."

Hawks knew that questionnaire had been a trap. Shock transformed into anger and he glared down at his clenched fists, struggling to keep up his poker face. Yes, Chida was wrong but Hawks had learned to smile no matter how upset he was. He tried to remind himself of that as each spoken word hit deeper and deeper, stinging him like a thousand tiny cuts.

"We do not use these scans to diagnose someone with PTSD." Chida continued obliviously. "However, we do take them into account when it comes to a PTSD diagnosis—"

Hearing that word again, something snapped.

"I don't have PTSD!" Hawks exploded. "Or anxiety, or— or anything! Half of the flashbacks aren't even my past. They're not my memories. They shouldn't affect me. My brai— I'm just overreacting about stupid shit that has nothing to do with me."

Chida did not recoil of frown at Hawks for his outburst. Instead he continued looking at him with those stupidly knowing eyes. Well, he didn't know. He didn't know anything.

"You are not experiencing this because of some type of personal failure." Chida stated.

Hawks's wings went rigid, his feathers fluffing up.

"Some find it comforting to see physical evidence of what's going on with their head." Chida continued, looking him right in the eye. "To them, it can be reassurance that they are not 'making it up', or 'overreacting'. There is a biological change in their brain that can cause symptoms and be seen and verified. To some, it shows that their PTSD is not their fault."

He was lying. Hawks knew that to be a fact. Hawks was a Hero who did not need to be coddled, and others had gone through worse and not gotten PTSD, yet here Hawks was, acting like a drama queen over trivial things and memories that weren't his.

"Yes it is my fault." he snapped even as part of his mind berated himself for acting so rude and ungrateful. Chida had taken time out of his day to see Hawks, yet Hawks was throwing a tantrum like an ungrateful brat again— "I'm supposed to be better than this. I'm like this because I did something wrong."

Chida raised an eyebrow at him. "I did not know that your Quirk allowed you to control the delicate functions of your brain and how it's wired."

Hawks faltered, caught off guard. "That has nothing to do with this."

"It does have something to do with this." Chida countered calmly. He nodded at the scans. "Again, these are your scans of your brain, displaying changes that affect you and your behavior." He kept meeting Hawks's gaze until the Hero looked away. "My recommendation is that you begin visiting a therapist." He continued, rubbing salt in the wound. "If you experience more seizures, come in immediately and we will do more testing."

Hawks glanced back at the scans and forced his sight away. The doctor seemed convinced he was right, and Hawks did not feel like fighting him over it. He did not feel like fighting about a lot of things lately. So he remained silent. He knew how this type of thing worked. It did not matter what Hawks said. Chida fully believed a lie and nothing Hawks claimed would sway him.

Hawks was sent home with a stupid pamphlet about PTSD and a stupid list of therapists' numbers. He tried to throw them in the trash but Toshinori caught them and put them on the counter.

"You should look over these." he said.

Hawks resisted the urge to snatch them off the countertop and burn them using White's Quirk. Or more likely blow them up them using Orange's, since the explosive voice was as eager as him to see them gone.

"I don't need them." he snapped. "The doctor's wrong. I don't have PTSD. It's a misdiagnosis."

Toshinori carefully but unsubtly moved the papers out of his reach, seemingly oblivious to Hawks's glower. "In some cases you're supposed to go to multiple doctors to be accurately diagnosed. You have two confirmations. Three, if Recovery Girl agrees."

"They're all wrong." Hawks growled. He set his bag down and opened it, revealing his costume. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get to work. I'm already late."

Toshinori looked down at him, appearing almost sad. Then he set his jaw. "No. You are taking the day off." He reached out and took the bag from Hawks's grasp, closing it.

Hawks gaped at him. "...What?" Surprise morphed into anger. "I'm not going to sit around all day."

"Yes, you are." Toshinori stated. "You're upset. You're angry. And I bet you didn't even notice you drifted on the way back from your appointment."

Hawks had not. Neither had the voices. Anger and panic warred for dominance, leaving his spine rigid and his winged flared defensively. "It will not affect my performance at—"

Toshinori hugged him.

Hawks froze, wings going stiff. Toshinori did not release him and he felt his breathing slow as his body realized he wasn't being attacked. Hawks remembered the doctor's stupid list of 'symptoms' and gritted his teeth, tensing up all over again.

"How about we just watch a movie?" Toshinori soothed. "Please?"

Hawks could hear the sorrowful undertone in his voice, as if Toshinori had recently gotten bad news. He went over the day's events but could not think of a time when Toshinori had left to take a call or anything. So what happened to make him so upset? Hawks did not ask. It would be hypocritical of him if he did.

So Hawks relented. Again. "Fine."

They watched a movie about a group of baby animals— adorable bunny, kitten, and puppy included— trying to find their lost friend and return home. He'd enjoy it more if he did not know Toshinori was trying to calm him down out of a misguided attempt to 'help' him.

Hawks kept glancing away from the screen to where the stupid pamphlet and numbers were. The smiling people on the cover mocked him and the desire to throw a few feathers at it was difficult to resist.

"This is stupid." Orange stated.

Hawks agreed.

His only consolation was that they hadn't stuck him with a schizophrenia misdiagnosis as well.

XXXXXXX

Night time was always an interesting period for one Fumikage Tokoyami. Darkness was his ally, but it was Dark Shadow's even more so, leaving his Quirk writhing and restless in the blackness. Children often used nightlights to keep monsters at bay, and Tokoyami would keep it secret to his dying breath that he was forced to do the same for more literal demons.

Not that Dark Shadow was a demon. He was a part of Tokoyami as much as his arm or bird head… if his arm or head decided to act on its own and rampage in the dark, of course.

As he lay in the glow of the purple and black crystal that illuminated the room with the softest light— for it had been the most dignified of his options— Tokoyami found his mind wandering, as if often did. Dark Shadow shifted restlessly, wanting to move in the darkness they both thrived in, but now was the time to sleep. Dark Shadow refused to accept that and rummaged around, making a nuisance of himself.

Tokoyami would be more annoyed if he did not know why. Loathe as he was to admit it, he was… concerned about his upcoming exams. Tests were nothing compared to the trials of real-life heroism— as the Nomu attack in Hosu clearly showed— but he acknowledged the anxiety that curled in his gut as the week of the exams drew ever-closer. Failure would not be the end of his career as a Hero, but it would be more than a little humiliating. Plus, if he failed, it would mean letting both himself, Aizawa-sensei, and Hawks-sensei down.

Tokoyami rolled onto his side as Dark Shadow whined and shoved his belongings around in agitation. As eleven o'clock became midnight, he gave up on sleep and sat up, sighing. Dark Shadow clung to his shoulder and zipped around, scarcely avoiding the bedside lamp.

"Be quiet, would you?" Tokoyami sighed. "The exams are nothing to worry about."

Dark Shadow stared at him in utter disbelief at his lie.

Tokoyami gave up on sleep and sat up, picking up his phone. He had no chat messages— unsurprising considering the hour— but he scrolled through previous conversations with his classmates, many of which were begging Yaoyorozu to help them study. His desire to study alone had been too much for him to want to join them, but now he wondered if he should have.

If he knew about his student's isolation, Hawks would probably have picked him up and dropped him right into Yaoyorozu's oversized yard while cheerfully encouraging him to make friends.

Tokoyami glanced at the time again and hesitantly moved his phone's screen to Hawks-sensei's number. He did not want to bother Hawks with his little problems. But Hawks had offered an open ear, and if anyone understood the stresses of Hero schooling, it should be him. He had only been out of high school for four years. Maybe he would have some advice.

What school did Hawks go to? It wasn't UA. I'll have to ask Midoriya later.

Tokoyami pressed call.

The line rang a few times, then clicked.

"Hi, fledgling!" a cheerful voice chirped.

Tokoyami twitched. "Please don't call me that."

"But I must simply because you adore that nickname sooooooo much!" Hawks said with far too much energy for this time of night. Tokoyami swore he heard him mutter 'Ohhhh. So that's why Rumi does it. Huh.' before he raised his voice again. "You gave me the idea yourself, after all."

"I regret it every day." Tokoyami said darkly. A thought struck him and he winced. "Er, I hope you weren't asleep when I called."

"Nah, I was awake." Hawks said cheerfully. "Usually am. I was out flying as a matter of fact… and certain people don't know about it." He coughed. "What's keeping you up?"

"My thoughts are circling and I cannot rest." Tokoyami admitted.

"Ooo, I know how that feels." Hawks murmured sympathetically. "I have a… well, someone I trust to talk to when I've got circling thoughts. So you wanna throw them at me or talk about unimportant stuff as a distraction?"

Tokoyami hesitated briefly. "I am willing to share my thoughts."

"Go ahead."

Hawks spoke with his usual cheer, but Tokoyami could recognize the soothing, nudging tone he liked to use when trying to get people to open up. Despite himself, he found himself relaxing at its familiarity.

"I am worried about my upcoming exams." Tokoyami admitted. "I am fourteenth out of twenty when it comes to grades. I have studied and trained as much as I could but failure is a possibility I see on the horizon. I..." His shoulders slumped. "I fear I may be sent to remedial courses."

He heard Hawks inhale sharply. For a moment, his mentor did not speak, and all Tokoyami could hear was sharp breathing. Confusion quickly turned into alarm as his teacher continued to not answer. Was he having another panic attack?

"Hawks—?"

"What do you need?" Hawks interrupted sharply, sounding as if he could not pull enough air into his lungs.

Tokoyami paused. "Excuse me?"

"What do you need to get out?" Hawks demanded, voice going hard like he was giving an order. "Are you home? Is your family with you? How many people are in your family? Are you being observed? Do you—" He abruptly went silent and took a shuddering breath. "Huh? Oh. Oh. It wasn't— Shit. Er, don't repeat… Aw to hell with it you've heard worse curses." He cleared his throat. "Sorry for freaking out on you, Tokoyami. What you said… Uh, at the Commission that means… something else."

Tokoyami slowly put the pieces together and realized he had accidentally given Hawks some type of Commission distress code. While it was heartwarming that his sensei would instantly come to his aid, the mortification that he'd caused the man to believe he was in danger made his cheeks burn.

"I respectfully apologize, Hawks-sensei." he said solemnly, glad his teacher was not present to see his embarrassment. "It was not my intention to give you a distress code."

"That's not just any distress code." Hawks said, and Tokoyami realized his voice was shaking. "It means an agent is being taken in for reconditioning—" He paused with a curse. "I shouldn't have told you that."

The blood had already drained from Tokoyami's face, leaving him lightheaded. "They— Wha—Reconditioning?"

"Yes." Hawks said tersely. "There are some dark things in the Hero world, Tsukoyomi. Don't worry about them yet, but… well, I guess you're aware of them now." He took another breath. "So is there anything specific I can help you understand for your exams?"

Tokoyami could not understand how he could just drop the subject like that. His mind— once tired and unfocused— worked rapidly as it tried to fit Hawks's revelation with the image of Hero Society he wanted to protect.

"They recondition Heroes?"

To his credit, Hawks did not try to lie to him. "Yes. Tokoyami, you need to drop it." His voice was sharp but shaky, like that day during training.

Dark Shadow clung to Tokoyami like a frightened child. But he was not a child. He was a Hero in training. He could handle this completely unexpected development.

"Sensei—" He began, but remembered Hawks asking if he was being observed. He forced himself not to ask the question he so desperately did and did not want to. "...I apologize for pushing the subject. I realize it is not my place."

"No, it's fine. It's my fault." Hawks mumbled, and now Tokoyami could not deny there was blatant exhaustion in his voice. "Just be careful who you mention that to, kid. Things could get ugly fast."

The question Tokoyami dare not ask rose up but he forced himself not to voice it. 'Did the Commission try to recondition you? Are they why you went missing?' "Of course, Sensei. I will be discreet." He looked around and found an excuse in Dark Shadow. "Dark Shadow is making a mess again so I must cut this short."

"Of course." Hawks did not sound relieved, but Tokoyami would bet money he was. "Get some rest. As I can say from personal experience, you can't rely on coffee to function."

"Good night." Tokoyami said cordially and hung up.

He lay back down as Dark Shadow clung to his arm, no longer roaming around the room. Rather than annoy him, Dark Shadow's presence was now a comfort, a stable presence he needed as his mind whirled with more thoughts than ever before.

It seemed there were more real monsters in the world than he thought.

But what could he do about it?

XXXXXXX

A/N: Next update will be the 28th-ish.