The Pivotal Moment
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A/N-thank you very much for the kind reviews and for following this story!
Chapter Twelve-A Change of Heart
The Falcon's combination of sublight speed and manoeuvrability was comparable to most of the starfighters fielded by the Rebellion and Empire, while its shielding, hyperdrive, and heavy weapons were on a par with those typically found on capital ships. The Falcon's only real combat weakness was its sheer size compared to starfighters. Although the ship had squeezed through many narrow spots in its history, there were many times it had experienced a close call.
As Rey walked up the opened ramp to the belly inside, she got a sense of its history. She touched the walls reverently, skimming her fingers over the cold metal. Even though she'd only had a short acquaintance with the ship, she already felt as if she was part of its glamourous history.
"I remember when I first saw it." Leia's gentle voice from behind startled Rey. "I thought it was a piece of garbage." She laughed softly; her eyes wistful as she became lost in the past. "I remember telling Han he was brave flying in that thing. He was so offended."
Rey found herself smiling. She could imagine the defensive look on his face as he reeled off all the modifications that he and Chewie had made to his beloved ship in an attempt to impress his princess. "I've got a confession to make." She admitted.
Leia raised her eyebrows and waited for Rey to continue.
"When I first saw it, I thought it was garbage, too. I remember telling Finn I doubted she would even get off the ground." Rey's smile faded as she remembered their fraught escape from Jakku with BB8.
Leia seemed to sense Rey's unhappiness as she thought about her old home-if you could call Jakku that. It was the place her parents had hidden her in a last desperate attempt to stop Palpatine from finding her. They had lost their lives in the process, and so had she in a way, spending years of her life wandering the hot sands, lost and alone, waiting for them to come back and claim her.
"You are so young." Leia murmured. "But your eyes tell me that you've seen and experienced things no one of your tender years should ever have had to endure."
Rey sucked in a deep breath, fighting the urge to fling herself into Leia's motherly arms and confess everything. She wanted rid of her burden. She was so tired of shouldering everything alone.
Leia picked up her heavy robes and walked gracefully up the Falcon's ramp to join Rey at the top. Once she reached her, she stopped, and opened her arms and cupped Rey's face in-between her warm palms. Her wise gaze settled on Rey's, looking deeper, seeing the true emotions bubbling underneath the surface.
"I can sense the deep connection you have with my son." Leia whispered. "You love him?"
Rey avoided answering. Instead she lowered her eyes, unable to meet Leia's sympathetic gaze.
"No…its more than simple love. Your connection is greater, more powerful." Leia closed her eyes, letting the familiarity of the force wash over her. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to open up to it fully. Almost immediately she felt the strong band of power surrounding Rey, the bright light that was almost blinding in its intensity. She opened her eyes again, feeling awed. "Let's talk." She said.
Leia's command ship The Raddus was named for a legendary Mon Calamari commander from the early days of the rebel alliance, the ship served as Leia Organa's mobile headquarters and flagship of the ragtag resistance task force who were about to flee D'Qar. The Mc85 star Cruiser's deflector shields was supposed to be able to withstand massive damage before failing. It was an impregnable ship and usually buzzing with crew, but now it was empty, almost serene in its quiet calmness.
"Where is everybody?" Rey asked nervously as they stepped on the bridge. She could sense Ben was somewhere nearby, but he appeared preoccupied with something or someone. "Aren't the crew supposed to be getting ready to leave?"
"I cleared them out." Leia responded as she motioned for Rey to sit. "We have a short window of time before we need to leave. I wanted to take this opportunity to talk with you in private."
Rey sat down nervously. She couldn't believe how calm Leia was being in the face of adversity, but then this wasn't the first crisis that the military general had faced in her long life. That was what made Leia such a great tactician, her fearlessness on the battlefield and her dedication to ending the tyranny of the Empire had seen her reputation become as legendary as Luke's.
"You don't need to be so anxious, child. I've not brought you here to interrogate you. Your secrets are your own to keep." Leia smiled warmly as she poured some water out of a pitcher into two tall glasses and passed one to Rey.
Rey took the water gratefully and sipped it, her body beginning to relax. "Thank you."
"I should be the one thanking you." Leia's eyes glistened with moisture. "You brought my boy home. You healed something in him."
"I can't take the credit for that." Rey put her glass down and bowed her head. "It took an immense amount of inner strength for Ben to break free of his bonds and to face his demons."
"Yes…his demons." Leia regarded Rey with a troubled expression. "I know I said this wasn't an interrogation, but I must ask. What you said earlier-that the darkness inside Ben wasn't of his own making-what did you mean?"
Rey swallowed thickly and her hands clenched in her lap. She wished she hadn't said anything, but in her anger at Luke's treatment of Ben, she had let slip this vital piece of information, and now she was being asked to explain it.
Leia could see the struggle warring inside of Rey. She reached out and took one of Rey's hands in-between her own. "Let me tell you something…when I was carrying Ben, I could feel him through the force. He felt like a living band of light-it was the same sensation I feel in you now-but occasionally with Ben that light dimmed and was sometimes thrust through with a vein of darkness. It made me afraid for him." She hesitated, her eyes closing briefly as if her next thought was too horrifying to contemplate. "Was the darkness I felt not coming from him? Was…was someone trying to hurt my boy even before he was born?"
Rey bit down on her lower lip drawing blood. She trembled, a cold shiver tingling down her spine. She was in torment. There was no way she could tell Leia the truth, that essentially Ben was a classic case of grooming and abuse, that he had been targeted from birth by Palpatine, or Darth Sidious to give him his Sith name. She felt sick to her stomach. Leia believed that the evil Sith lord was dead, conquered the day that her own father, Darth Vadar, had finally found the strength to break free from the shackles of his former master, and flung the evil Sith lord down the pit in order to save his son, Luke.
"Rey?" Leia noticed the colour drain from the young girl's face.
Rey's sadness was like a hollowness inside her. The knowledge that she was in any way related to the monster who had tormented Ben his whole life-and who was behind the evil voices inside his head, constantly plaguing him, so he couldn't find respite even in his sleep- sickened her. Poor Ben lived his life in torment, always believing he was evil, even as he did his best to fight against it, even though it had ultimately driven him to despair, separating him from all those who cared about him until his only release was to seek the darkness that he believed he was filled with all along. It showed his strength of character that he hadn't completely succumbed to the darkness by the time they had encountered each other. The light was still there, the spark just needed to be lit, and it had, growing stronger and stronger until he had found his redemption. But his reward had been death.
"Your silence speaks volumes." Leia's hand flew to her mouth and she sank back into her seat in despair.
"I'm sorry." Rey said shakily as she wiped her bloody lip with the back of her hand. "I can't say anymore."
All she felt was sadness, mingled with shame. Every other emotion had been pushed from her being. The urge to cry was strong upon her. The urge was chaotic, powerful, until she found herself spilling hot tears. As Rey cried, her bottom lip quivered, the same as a small child pushed past all endurance. She was suddenly that frightened little girl on Jakku again, abandoned by her parents, feeling alone…oh, so alone!
Ben seemed to come out of nowhere, his boots sliding along the floor of the bridge in his haste to get to her. He felt every emotion she felt. He took Rey's face in his hands, her hazel eyes had darkened to almost black under the sheen of water, her tears flowing without pause. Ben leaned down from his greater height and did his best to kiss them all away.
In that moment, Leia, watching them, seeing Rey's hurt reflected in Ben, finally understood the depth of pain that flowed between them. She stood up; arms opened wide as she embraced them both.
"You're not alone." She murmured. "I stand with you."
"So do I." Han's husky voice was a welcome addition. He quickly joined the small group, putting his arms around them.
Luke, who had come onto the bridge with Han, could sense the love surrounding the small family like a bright light. His chest heaved and he found it difficult to breathe. He glanced down at the lightsaber hanging from his belt. He knew he had let his bitterness poison his spirit and deaden his mind until it had killed off all his other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled on his shoulders and refused to shift. He had accused Han and Leia of being blind, but maybe he was the one who couldn't see. He lifted the saber from his belt and activated it. The humming blade attracted the attention of the others and they let go of each other, turning to face him in surprise.
"If you're going to kill Snoke, then you're going to need a weapon." He said roughly as he held out the lightsaber toward Ben.
A/N-thanks for reading. Please review. I would love to know what you think.
