Katsuki: what time is good for pick up? 4?

Deku: my moms going to pick him up! 4 is great.

Katsuki: you busy or something?

Deku: works going a bit longer than expected today. Not a big deal.

Izuku called Taikutsuna with every intention of apologizing for being a fucking idiot the last time they hung out, and possibly broaching the subject of trying to date again, but when he found himself at a coffee shop with him a few days later, the thought of kissing him makes his stomach twist. The thought of treating Taikutsuna the way people in his past have treated him makes me him feel gross and dirty and guilty. So, instead, he word vomits all over what should've been a normal, pleasant day.

"I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not really interested in you like that because I'm in love with my goddamn baby daddy—and he hates me. You are too nice to get caught up in my bullshit because I'm a fucking mess."

Izuku slaps a hand over his mouth to stop anymore embarrassing words from falling from his lips. Taikutsuna's hair turns yellow as he bursts out laughing. Izuku frowns, but he reminds himself that this is hardly the worst reaction to his words.

"I can't believe you told me that," he says, and then he laughs again. "For what it's worth, I figured all that out on my own. Bailing into the bushes isn't exactly subtle."

"I'm so sorry," he whines, hiding his red face in his hands. "I can't believe you're laughing at me!"

"I didn't mean to. You just caught me by surprise." His smile looks genuine and unbothered, and Izuku has hope that he hasn't completely screwed this up.

"Does that mean you're not mad?"

"Well, I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed, but I like you. And you seem like you could use a friend."

Izuku's face crumples, suddenly overcome with emotion, but he pushes it away. He's embarrassed himself enough for one night.

"I could." He gives a wet smile, and Taikutsuna's hair turns pink again before petering out into oranges and yellows. Izuku decides to change the subject.

"Since we're friends, will you tell me what the colors mean?"

Taikutsuna rolls his eyes, his hair an interesting shade of lavender. Making friends has never come easy to Izuku, but he's trying. He's already feeling a bit better, a bit more proactive and clear-headed. He knows he can't avoid Kacchan forever, but he needs some time to center himself and to stop feeling so goddamn guilty all the time.

Kacchan: we doing Christmas at my parents house or yours? My moms trying to plan shit out and I told her I needed to talk to you first.

Izuku balks at the text. He's only successfully avoided Kacchan for a week, and Christmas is in less than a month. He needs more time. The thought of spending a holiday together as a family makes Izuku feel hot and stressed and weak. They never talked about holidays, and their first one since the new arrangement is coming at a very inconvenient time for Izuku.

Izuku: I figured he'd spend it with you. It's your weekend after all.

Kacchan: ? The fuck. It's goddamn Christmas Deku I'm not gonna keep your kid from you just because it happens to be my weekend.

Kacchan: I know we didn't really plan for this in the custody stuff but I hope you'd do the same for me.

Izuku bites his lip, torn between saying yes and living out a fantasy of being a family together, and saying no to preserve all the progress he's been making while giving up a holiday with his son. It's a lose/lose situation, but Izuku is used to those.

Izuku: I just figured you'd want to spend your first Christmas without me. It's a big thing for you two.

Katsuki blinks at Deku's response, absolutely dumbfounded. Deku is willing to give up an entire holiday with Hisami just to make Katsuki a bit more comfortable, to give him some kind of parenting edge, no matter how unnecessary it is. It's ludicrous. It's self-sacrificing. It's… very kind of him. Katsuki's not about to take Deku's kindness without giving anything back. He's not doing that anymore.

Katsuki: it's big for you too. I'm not letting you spend Christmas alone.

Deku: it's fine Kacchan. You deserve this.

Katsuki grunts, suddenly angry. Why does he have to be so difficult and weird? He's been edgy and avoidant for weeks, and now he's trying to weasel his way of Christmas? Katsuki angrily taps the call button.

It goes to voicemail almost immediately, and Katsuki gives an offended gasp, staring wide-eyed at the phone as if it had just slapped him. He calls again, and this time it rings a few times before going to voicemail.

"What the fuck?"

"Language, Papa! Why are you yelling?"

"Your Papa is being… silly," he says. He'd like to say your Papa is being an idiot shit head and he won't talk to me, but badmouthing him to their three year old seems like the pettiest shit ever.

"Silly Papas," he mumbles, rolling around on the floor with Cheeto. He says silly a few more times, giggling because he likes the word. Hisami is having one of those days where he's just a bit loopy around nap time. He much prefers silly, sleepy Hisami to short-tempered, exhausted Hisami.

"Bubba, where do you want to spend Christmas?"

"Frostfire's house, please," he says, smirking. Katsuki rolls his eyes.

"Very funny. I mean, do you want to go to my parents' house, or stay here?"

"We go to Obaasan's house," Hisami says, the beginnings of confusion pulling at his eyebrows. "We always go to Obaasan's and we always make ginger people."

"You'll be with me this year," he says, his heart pinching in his chest at the slow grimace appearing on Hisami's face.

"Can I have both Papas on Christmas?" His bottom lip wobbles dangerously, and Katsuki takes a moment to curse Deku for putting this on him.

"I want you to have whatever you want," he says, hefting his son off the floor to sit on his lap.

"Why don't you love Papa?"

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm smart, Dummy-san. You give me hugs and loves, but you don't love Papa. It makes me sad because Papa needs loves too, and you give good hugs."

He's crying now, and Katsuki doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't want to lie to Hisami just to make him feel better. He doesn't love Deku, despite whatever dreams he may be having. He barely knows Deku because he won't fucking speak to him.

"Don't cry, Bubba. I care about your Papa. We both want you to be happy."

Hisami pitifully cries himself out, and Katsuki has been through this enough times to know that he probably wouldn't be crying so much if it wasn't right around nap time.

After Hisami goes down for his nap, Cheeto securely tucked against his side, Katsuki gets to fuckin work. It's no understatement to say that he absolutely blows up Deku's phone. He calls something like sixteen times before Deku finally picks up. He sounds winded.

"Oh my god, Kacchan. Is everything okay?"

"Where the hell have you been?"

"A yoga class. Is Hisami alright? You called me like twenty times," he says. His voice keeps cracking with stress.

"He's fine. I mean, he was upset earlier. We need to do Christmas together. It has to be at your Mom's house. He said that's always what happens and he wants us both there."

"Oh. I honestly didn't think he'd be upset about it. He always loves spending time with you."

"He wants to spend time with both of us. We haven't been doing dinners and shit lately and he's noticing."

"Right," he says, and Katsuki thinks he can detect the slightest tone of panic in his voice.

"So, Christmas," he says.

"I'm actually a bit busy right now, but I'll let you know. I'll give you a call later."

"Don't blow me off, Deku." His bullshit senses are tingling. Deku's doing the same finicky weird shit he's been doing for the last few weeks, and Katsuki's already sick of it.

"I won't!"

He does, but Katsuki lets it go for a few days. He can't avoid him forever.

Katsuki: cool if I come for dinner tonight?

Deku: tonight's not great.

Katsuki: everything ok?

Deku: yeah! Tonight's just a bad night. Hisami's been in a mood and bedtime will be hard enough. Sorry :/

Katsuki: it's fine. Maybe tomorrow?

Deku: maybe!

Izuku can't remember the last time he went to the gym. He feels a bit dumb for being so enthralled to be there—like Hisami at an amusement park. He's not out of shape, per se, but he definitely doesn't run as much as he'd like to. Sometimes, if he's not exhausted by the time he puts Hisami to bed, he'll do yoga, or mess around with his free weights, but that doesn't happen often.

The gym always makes him feel self-conscious. He feels like everyone is looking at him and judging his physique—like he's not tall enough or muscular enough to be there, and everyone knows it with just one glance. Izuku regrets wearing leggings and a cutoff T-shirt. Usually, he feels cute in his leggings. Today, he feels exposed, especially as he stretches before getting on the treadmill.

He knows he's overreacting, that it's anxiety that makes him feel like he's being watched, so he does his best to push that feeling away and focus on what he came here to do. He breathes through his stretches, and allows himself to feel excited. This is exactly what he should be doing—filling his time without his son with positive activities that make him feel good. He can't help but smile a bit as he hops up to the treadmill.

He ran track in high school—he figured he may as well get something out of running from all those bullies—and it was probably the only thing that kept him sane.

He loses himself in the thrum of his heartbeat and his steady pace. He gradually ups the speed, and it's painful—he's out of practice—but it's also the best he's felt in months. He's sprinting, outrunning the tempo of the music in his headphones, and he can hardly breathe, but it's fantastic, and before he knows it, it's been almost thirty minutes. He hates that he can't keep up the pace, and he's not nearly as fast as he used to be. He brings the machine back down to a jog in an attempt to catch his breath. He's drenched in sweat now, so he's actually grateful for his moisture-wicking outfit choice.

After he brings the machine down to a walk towards the end of his workout, that watched feeling returns. He wipes his face with the bottom of his shirt and takes a gulp from his water bottle. Then, he realizes he is being watched. A tall, handsome stranger smiles at him—who is Izuku to ignore him?

Katsuki: where have you been?

Deku: ?

Katsuki: just feels like I never see you anymore.

Katsuki: is everything ok?

Katsuki: Deku wtf

Deku: sorry! I was at the gym. Everything is great! Thanks for checking on me ? ゚マᄏ ️

Katsuki: we still need to talk about xmas

Izuku is very busy. Too busy to go back on all his progress by talking about holiday plans with Kacchan. He's going to have to buck up and do it, but he doesn't want to think about it right now. He's been so good lately. He's eating healthily, sleeping regularly, going out with friends. Well, friend. Taikutsuna is a much better friend than he is a prospective boyfriend, and Izuku suspects that Taikutsuna feels the same way about him. They settled into an easy friendship.

He fills his time without Hisami with weird activities: cooking classes, paint and sip parties, or the random local events Taikutsuna always invites him to. It's really fun. It's like the second he decided to stop feeling horrible about his past actions, he opened himself up to life again. Everything with Kacchan might be a mess, but he deserves this break, even if it's only temporary.

Katsuki: still bringing Hisami by at 5?

Deku: yep! He's excited to show you his new pajamas.

Katsuki: want to stick around for dinner? I'm making katsudon. Spice optional for your bitch baby taste buds of course.

Deku: Ah sorry! I can't. I'm meeting someone for dinner tonight.

Katsuki: hot date?

No reply. Katsuki hasn't seen Deku in three weeks—which is astounding considering the fact that they take care of a child together. They still need to talk about what they're doing for Christmas. It's three fucking days away and Katsuki is starting to get angry about being ignored. There's always some excuse, somewhere he has to be, or some reason he can't come over. Every time Katsuki shows up for pick up or drop off, it's Inko he sees instead of her son.

Today is no different. Inko gives him a smile as Hisami pushes through into the apartment to harass Cheeto.

"Where's Deku?" Katsuki is confused, and a bit hurt. The last time they talked—like really talked, not the dumb back and forth texting they've been doing—Deku said he had a plan. If he'd known the first step of that plan was avoid Katsuki like his life depended on it, he would've tried to steer him in a different direction. Katsuki hates to admit it, but he misses Deku. He finds that parenting is a thousand times scarier without Deku's constant and unwavering support. He's worried about him, and he's worried about how this is going to affect Hisami.

"He had some errands to run before his date tonight," she says, a slightly forced smile on her face. She definitely knows what's going on.

"So, he's dating someone? That's what's got him so busy all the time?"

Is whoever he's dating insecure about Deku spending time with his ex? They've never actually been in a relationship, but Deku can't exactly tell anyone that. If that's the case, it's controlling bullshit, and Katsuki already dislikes the bastard.

"They've only been out a few times. He's been doing a lot lately. Filling his time and whatnot." She shrugs.

"Is he okay?"

"Of course. You haven't been talking?" Inko says airily. She absolutely knows the answer to her own question, but he answers anyway.

"A bit… if texting counts," he says. "I've been trying to nail down plans for Christmas, but he's been hard to reach."

"We usually do a quiet Christmas Eve, and then a nice dinner on Christmas Day. Your parents are going to stop by around noon. I'm assuming you want to be with Hisami on Christmas Eve?"

"Did Deku ask you to be our go-between?" He blurts out. Inko's face goes a bit blank for a second, and Katsuki sees so much of Deku in her that he can read her like a book. He's spent enough time deciphering Deku's emotions to know Inko's feeling a bit guilty.

"He's just trying to give you your space. I think he needs some space, too."

Katsuki nods, but all he can think is that he never asked for space from Deku. He wasn't all that bothered by weekly dinners and post-bedtime conversations. Before Inko leaves, they firm up their Christmas plans, even though it irks him to have to make plans with Deku through his mom. Katsuki feels like he did something wrong, he just can't pinpoint what it is.

Kacchan: we really need to talk.

Kacchan: I know you're on a date and I don't mean to cockblock or whatever but you can't avoid me forever. If you don't call me back I'm going to just pop up and ambush you soon.

Kacchan: that's both a threat and a promise. Have a good night deku.

Izuku stares at the vaguely threatening messages he just received. He's annoying Kacchan, and that guilt he's been so good at burying lately surfaces once again. He ignores it in favor of checking his latest texts from Taikutsuna.

Taikutsuna: hot italian gym rat is too hot for you to be going this slow

Taikutsuna: JUST FUCK ALREADY

Taikutsuna: and then tell me everything in graphic detail. It's been a dry couple of months for me hsjakabshn

Izuku rolls his eyes. Taikutsuna is obsessed with the guy from the gym. He probably likes him more than Izuku does. As the nickname states, he's hot, Italian, and wonderfully muscular. His name is Lorenzo Chiellini, and after a few pitiful attempts at correctly pronouncing his name, he asked Izuku to just call him Enzo—and then he asked him on a date.

They've been out three times now, and they talk a bit when they happen to be at the gym at the same time. He's nice enough, but there's a concerning language barrier between them. Half the time he thinks neither of them know what the other is saying, but he's just… so hot, and Izuku is only human. Being able to stare at him is enough incentive to keep accepting dates, and it's not like Izuku is looking for anything serious right now, anyway. He wishes he could say he really likes Enzo, or that he wants to go a bit further with him, but honestly, he's still hung up on the possibility of Kacchan—which is depressing and laughable all at once.

Katsuki glances over at Hisami. He was minding his own business and coloring in the Red Riot coloring book Kirishima gave him. He's colored every page as if Red Riot were Frostfire, making Kirishima's hair half red, half white, and his uniform—is you can call a pair of pants a uniform—blue. It's a testament to just how petty Hisami can be, and Katsuki loves it. He sends Kirishima a picture of every single colored page, and Kirishima sends back crying emojis.

He's pleased that Hisami can't be bothered to notice how keyed up Katsuki is. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about what Deku's deal is. What was so bad about what they were doing? It's not like they spend every moment together, and Hisami is clearly happier when they're all together, even if it's only for a dinner, or so they can both put him to bed.

So, there he is, sitting on the couch, silently seething, and trying to decide if he should do something about it. He wasn't kidding when he threatened to ambush Deku. He has the means to do it, but he really thought he'd never have to resort to it. Katsuki may or may not have shared Deku's location with him indefinitely while he wasn't looking. He did it purely for safety purposes—he kind of freaked out about keeping Hisami out of harm's way back when he didn't have custody of him, and this was an easy way of keeping tabs on them. He figured that was more acceptable than putting a tracker in the back of Hisami's neck, which he actually considered before he got a grip and told himself that he couldn't treat a kid like a dog no matter how practical it seemed.

So, does he use it? Does he go ambush Deku and force him to work their shit out before they have to be happy and friendly in front of their son so they don't ruin Christmas? It's not exactly right, spying on Deku, but then again, neither was using a procreation Quirk on Katsuki without his permission, so… maybe Deku owes him. That's some really flimsy logic, but in the end, Katsuki is going to do whatever he wants. It's just the way things are.

"Hey, Bub. Wanna go on a reconnaissance mission with me?"

"What's recon-essence?" Hisami whispers the word three more times, trying to say it correctly.

"A hero thing, but we have to be quiet. We're sneaky."

"Do we get to wear disguises?"

"Absolutely." He smiles, only slightly guilty. At least Hisami looks like he'll have fun.