She was sleeping.
Damnit.
It was the first time Jacob had been able to see her in days, and she wasn't even awake.
Jacob took a step closer to Bella's house, and lobbed another small stone at her window. It pinged off with another loud crack, and he winced, hoping he hadn't damaged the glass. That would kinda destroy the whole rom-com thing he had been going for.
When Sam and he had been left alone in the clearing that afternoon, after the shit-show between him and Alex, Jacob had expected more of a reaming from his Alpha. Instead, Sam had sat down and looked like he was about to cry for a good five minutes. Jacob had had no idea what he was supposed to do, and had stood there awkwardly until his Alpha finally looked at him.
"You have no idea," Sam had begun carefully, "what you could have destroyed." Jacob had been more moved by the wobble in Sam's voice than anything else, and he had sat, next to Sam. "You don't understand how lucky you are. That she is alive." And that had been it. Well, almost it. Sam had lifted the 'no-seeing' Bella order, though the gag-order was still very firmly in place.
But that didn't matter.
Jacob Black had a plan.
And step one of 'Make-Bella-Swan-My-Girlfriend-And-Also-Possibly-My-Wife', was to clue her in on the big secret starting with 'W'. Lucky for Jacob, he had already told her. Now he just needed her to remember.
He threw another stone at her window, the sudden leap in her pulse rate telling him he'd woken her. He waited. For a long moment, he could hear her just breathing, unmoving. He threw another stone.
"Bella!" he whispered, as loud as he dared, and then she appeared.
She looked… beautiful. Just as beautiful as he remembered. Mussed from sleep, and so, so, soft looking, delicate. His cheeks hurt and he realised that it was probably the first time he had smiled properly since he had phased.
She frowned, bemusement making her eyebrows furrow, and she opened her window. "You scared me. What the hell are you doing?" she asked, voice a little irritated, and Jacob winced. He probably deserved that, after the harsh radio silence and not-so-gentle let down at his house.
But he had some apologizing and wooing to do, damn it!
"Back up, I'm coming up." He told her, and she frowned again, stepping back slightly. He scaled the side of the house with ease, throwing in a few extra flips and jumps for effect, almost losing his grip once, but the resulting surprised exhale she let out when he landed was well worth it. Jacob noticed the way she was eyeing him, as if she'd never seen him before and thanked his instinct to leave his shirt at home. She swallowed, and he followed the movement of her pale throat a little hungrily. Inside him, that little fire that never went out smouldered slightly, and he ignored it in favour of stepping a little closer to her. "Hey." He said, hoping his voice didn't wobble.
She didn't respond, and a desperation made him move closer. This wasn't going how he had wanted it – though admittedly his fantasy of her drooling over his uber-cool ninja moves was a little far fetched. "Look, Bells, I'm sorry, I never meant-"
She stopped his motion, raising her clenched fist to rest on his abs, and he watched as a small spark of desire lit briefly in her eyes, warring with her hurt. "For what?" she said, a little resignedly, and he clenched his jaw at the shut-off look in her eyes, the same look he'd tried so hard to erase.
"I-" The sudden tightening of his throat made him want to growl. He wasn't going to say anything. "I wish I could explain." He said instead. "But I literally can't." he moved around her, unwilling to let her see the anger he was sure was on his face. He didn't want to frighten her. Jacob's eyes caught on his dreamcatcher hanging on the head of her bed. Not all hope lost then. "Have you ever had a secret; you couldn't tell anyone? One that wasn't yours to share?" he sat then, holding her gaze. She looked confused, torn, unreadable. He knew she had. It was just a matter of whether she would admit it. "Well, that's what it's like for me. But worse." He added, for good measure. "You have no idea how tight I- I," he forced the words out, "How tight I'm bound."
Bella broke, stepping towards him. "I hate this." She muttered, and the feeling of her hands in his hair made him suck in a breath. God, he had missed her. "I hate what they've done to you."
A snatch of a conversation he had never had came back to him: "It is the last thing I want, Embry… It's stolen your future and your life."
The sudden thought of Alex filled his head, and he rose, brushing away Bella's hand unconsciously, trying to shake the thought of her. "I mean, the killer part is that you already know." He said, voice louder than he had intended, because the little flame was sparking, just at the thought of her, regret and guilt and longing – that he knew was artificial, it had to be – filling his gut. Bella was looking at him, eyes wide and he stilled, turning back to her, taking her hands in his, eyeing the silvery-scar on the inside of her wrist, the mark of a leech. "Bella." He began, taking a breath, "do you remember when we walked on the beach at La Push?"
She'd been surfing, Embry had done up her wet-suit for her, and Jacob had thought she looked a little like Cat Woman. Jacob had remembered looking at the dip of her waist and the length of her legs a moment longer than he should have, and then-
Bella. Stop. Focus on Bella. Jacob willed her to remember. "The st-" His throat closed again, and he shut his mouth.
But Bella – beautiful, constant – was there, and she smiled a little. "The story. The story about… the Cold Ones." She was nodding.
A wave of frustration made him clench his jaw. "I guess I understand why that's the only part you remember." He let her go, and moved away a little.
"There's gotta be something, that you can do." Bella said, looking pained.
He closed his eyes briefly. "No. I'm in it for life."
Bella flinched slightly. "Maybe we should just get out of here for a while." Something nameless in Jacob's chest opened its mouth in a silent plea. "We'll just leave. Just you and me."
"You'd do that?" Jacob wanted to.
"I would do it for you." Bella said earnestly, and Jacob wanted nothing more than to say yes. He'd never wanted anything more in his life-
But his wolf was calling for the pack, for his family, for the trees, for Al-
"It's not something I can just run away from, Bella." If he could, he would. He would leave it all behind if he could. "But I would run away with you. If I could." Bella frowned, hugging herself unconsciously. He'd upset her. Again. "I gotta go." He said, "They're probably wondering where I am." He should go, he should take his own advice, but Bella was standing there, worrying at her lip, eyes brimming with emotion – and he couldn't. "Come here." He said, a little breathlessly, and pulled her into his arms.
She went willingly, letting out a soft huff of air against his chest, and as her arms snaked around his waist, he felt his heart flip. This is what was right. This was what mattered. "Please…try to remember." He whispered into her ear. "It'd be so much easier. If you knew." He stepped away from her.
"I'll try." She said, sounding a little petulant. "But, Jake-" he was already heading for the window. He did need to go, he'd been out of La Push for too long without telling Sam, and he could sense the distant echoes of his Alpha's summons the longer he lingered. "Wait, Jake. Jake, what are you doing?" she was nervous, he realized, that he wouldn't make the jump from her window.
The grass was barely disturbed as he landed soundlessly, and he almost looked back, just to see if she'd be making that awestruck expression. But his wolf was pulling him, pulling him to the trees, to the water. Back to La Push.
It was only as he had made it back across the border, Sam in his ear telling him to get home, that he realized he wasn't finished. Not really. He had one more stop to make, but this time, his wolf was eager, and Sam relented.
Jacob turned East and found his way along the waterline. He knew his paws would take him where he needed to go.
Alex was awake when her chest began to tighten and grow warmer.
She hadn't been able to sleep, the aches and pains of her body had grown more obvious since she'd gotten home, and she wasn't even able to lie comfortably – and she had given up on sleep in favor of watching the sky, trying to work through the constant ebb and flow of emotions that had been coming through since the sun had set.
Whatever had released between them in the fight had only served to make that strange connection more sensitive. Alex could feel Jacob now; and could sense his emotional range. He had been excited since sundown, equal parts joyful and regretful since midnight had struck, and his surge of hope had been enough to make her start sweating. It was as if she was a raw nerve, where she had once been numb to all but his fiercest anger, now she could feel everything.
She wondered if he could feel her too.
Alex sat up slowly, something innate telling her that he was close. She massaged at her sternum, trying to will the call to ease, her own body's reaction growing stronger.
She hated this. Hated the way her emotions weren't her own, the way her body wanted him, hated the way her heart sped up when she thought of him. It was unnatural.
Even if things hadn't been so muddled between them, even if they hadn't fought, even if they'd been on good terms – it was still strange to be pulled to him so violently. Alex hadn't been romantically attracted to Jacob before he had turned, so why should she just relax into the artificial pull? Sure, Alex had known her friend was attractive – she wasn't blind – but Alex hadn't ever thought of him in that capacity.
Alex hadn't ever thought of anyone in that capacity before Embry, and even that had turned out to be wolfy-mojo as well.
She maneuvered herself out of her bed, trying her best to be quiet as she went down the stairs – made harder by her faint limp – her aching left ankle making the journey harder than it needed to be. Alex had made it a few steps onto the lawn by the time Jacob stepped out of the trees, and she almost smiled at his look of surprise to see her there.
"I thought you'd be asleep." He said, blinking at her.
She shrugged. "Not tired."
They stood in uncomfortable silence for another long moment, before Jacob cleared his throat. "Um. I came to..." he paused, and Alex raised a brow. She was wondering why he had come too – she hadn't been expecting an apology. "Why did you lie?" he blurted, looking a little surprised at his own words.
Alex frowned. "What?"
"To Sam." Jacob said, as if it clarified anything. She just stared at him, wishing that she could sit down and take the pressure off her ankle and hip. "About what I said." He swung his arms a little awkwardly. "When I said that you liked being able to Dream Walk, because-"
"I remember, thanks." Alex bit out. She'd been trying hard not to think about Jacob's words. Because they had hurt. Because they still hurt. Jacob was apparently, genuinely waiting for an answer. She folded her arms across her chest, ignoring the pain that radiated from her right shoulder, and tilted her head to the sky. "I guess I didn't think it was worth causing more shit."
"Oh." Jacob blinked, looking a little surprised.
"What? Did you think I'm saving it for blackmail or something?" Alex asked, scowling at him. He was half-naked, and the moonlight was playing distractingly across the expanse of his chest, and Alex hated herself for looking, for being distracted, if even for a moment.
Jacob gaped at her, shaking his head once. "No! I just- I don't know. I wanted to know why. I feel like-" he cut himself off, clenching his jaw hard enough to make the muscle flutter.
"Like what?" Alex prompted him, taking a step towards him. He said nothing, and she took another step forwards, cursing inwardly at how easy it was to move towards him. "Tell me. You owe me that much, Black."
Jacob met her eyes, and Alex felt the hot surge of his irritation in her chest, and scowled at him, willing him to feel her own. At his harsh inhale, she guessed he could. "I feel like I don't know you anymore." He said finally, voice clipped. "You're not- you're not Alex anymore. I don't know. You were different before."
"Right. Because you've remained so steadfast and unchanging." Alex rolled her eyes. "It's all me, isn't it?"
"Jesus! This is what I mean! You've never been so prickly." Jacob's fists clenched and unclenched at his side. "At least, not to me. Never to me." He sounded reminiscent, and Alex wished so badly that she could bring back the peace that they had once had.
"Yeah, well." She muttered, and tried to turn away from him, tried to take a step in the direction of the house. To her humiliation, her ankle gave out on her, and she crumpled with a hiss of pain.
Hot hands closed around her shoulders, and she shuddered as Jacob eased her to her feet. Her skin was singing under his touch, and she almost leant into him. But it was easier to ignore the sensation for the pain of his touch on her sensitive skin. She let out a pained groan before she could stop herself and tried to shake herself free from his grip. He let go as if he'd been burnt, ducking to catch her gaze. "What's wrong? What did I do?"
Alex grit her teeth, trying to keep her wounded noises from escaping. She waved a hand at him, her other hand coming up to probe gingerly at the sore spot he'd inadvertently gripped. "It's nothing."
Jacob ran a hand through his hair, eyeing her with worry in his eyes. "Alex…" She scowled at him, attempting to take another step. It cost her, and she had to drop her eyes in favour of biting back her expletive. "At least let me help you get upstairs."
Before she could protest, he had swept her off her feet, arms holding her gently under the crook of her knees and just below her shoulder blades. She felt small in his grip, and avoided his eyes on her face as he walked silently up her stairs, nudging open her bedroom door.
He stood there with her, still eyeing her, and she cleared her throat. "You can put me down now, asshole."
"Oh. right." Jacob coughed a little nervously, and lightly placed her down on her feet. He was frowning, and she caught his expression in her mirror as she turned towards her bed. Guilt – not her own, but his – was building in her chest. "It's because of me, isn't it?" he asked, so quietly that if she hadn't been waiting for him to speak, she would have missed it.
She met his gaze in the mirror. "If I remember correctly, I was the one who jumped you." Jacob bit at his bottom lip, eyes moving between her face and her body. "Seriously."
"Let me see." Jacob whispered.
Alex turned back to him, whipping around so fast her neck cricked. "Excuse me?"
Jacob rolled his eyes. "Alex, I need to see." She gave him an incredulous look. He didn't relent, holding her gaze until she sighed.
"Fine." She tugged off her shirt, expecting him to flinch and look away, but his eyes had zeroed in on her shoulder, horror dawning on his features. "Dude, it's fine, I told you. I probably need to strap my ankle, but it's-"
He reached for her, spinning her around with a low growl. She tensed at the sound, at the light dance his fingers were doing over the expanse of her shoulder blade, down the left side of her spine. She looked at herself in the mirror, the thick straps of her sports bra doing nothing to hide the beginnings of what looked like a massive bruise on the top of her shoulder. She twisted, knocking away his hand to look for herself.
It was already purpling, spanning the top of her left shoulder to about half-way down her spine, a perfect indentation of where she'd landed on her side. Her bare arms sported other various spots of bruising, and she touched her scraped elbow absently. "Oh shit." She said mildly.
"I'm sorry." Jacob's voice was bitten out, and when she looked at his reflection in the mirror, she realised he was trembling, reminiscent of his shell-shocked state after their fight. "Fuck. Alex, I'm so sorry."
She frowned, and turned to look at him properly. "Jacob – don't." He shook his head, lips drawing back near unconsciously to bare his teeth. She moved towards him, and gripped his jaw. "Don't be fucking stupid."
"I did that." He said, gesturing wildly at her, but let her hold his head in place. "Alex…" he let out a low whine, and pressed a hand over his heart, face contorting. "He hates it. I've hurt you, and he's furious."
It took Alex too long to work out that he was referring to the wolf inside of himself. Creepy. She thought, and tightened her grip on his chin. "Well, then just tell him to toughen up. Jacob – I brought this on myself. You understand? You could have ripped me to shreds, Jacob-" he whined again, and she huffed out an impatient breath. "You could have! But you didn't. You didn't. Jacob, we both know that I've beaten myself up worse than this just skating."
His eyes were wild, and dangerous tremors were still racking his frame. A distant fear of him exploding on her again made her swallow, and she stepped closer to him just to spite the stupid fear. "You remember? The first summer we met? You told me that I needed to be careful, because the roads were uneven. I told you that I could handle it." Jacob's eyes had fixed on hers, with such an intensity that her breath stuttered in her throat. "And then you came with me anyway, you rode your bike, all the way – and when I fell, you were right beside me." Jacob stilled, and Alex couldn't help but smile at the memory. She had fallen hard, her board's wheel coming loose and sending her tumbling along the cement. She'd sprained her wrist, bruised up her whole body, scratched up her legs enough to stop her wearing pants until the scrapes had healed. "You were right beside me, and you held my hand and you pretended not to notice that I cried a little bit."
Jacob nodded. "I remember." He sounded better, and she let go of his jaw.
His eyes remained on her own, and when he breathed a deep, slow breath, their bare torsos brushed against each other, drawing goose bumps to her skin. She realised in a flushing rush that she was still shirtless, and far too close for comfort, and took a hasty step back, wincing as her ankle protested. She cleared her throat, turning her back to him, and tugging on her shirt. "Anyway. It's fine. I'll be fine."
"Alex-" His voice was low, and she didn't need to look in the mirror to know that his gaze was still on her.
"So, how's Bella?" She spoke over him, busying herself with looking for the roll of medical tape she kept in her bedside table.
"How'd you know I-?" Jacob sounded surprised, but the next moment he was smiling to himself. "She's really good. She's perfect. I missed her so much, and I thought that maybe she wouldn't want to talk to me, but she's still…"
"Bella." Alex supplied, ignoring the faint discomfort his words inspired. The feeling was surely as artificial as her desire to touch him. It had to be.
"Yeah. Still Bella." Jacob said. Alex kept her head down, carefully wrapping up her ankle. She didn't think it was terribly sprained, but it wouldn't hurt to keep it strapped in case it turned out to be worse than some bruising. "You sure you're alright?"
Alex looked up then, met his eyes with a smile. "Peachy keen, jelly bean."
He raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue the point. "I should probably get going."
"Yeah. Probably." Alex said, lying back on her side. He lingered for a moment longer on her threshold, and she looked at him. "What?"
"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"
He sighed, annoyance making its home in the crease of his brow. "Never mind. Goodnight, Alex." He left before she could respond, and she stared at the door he'd closed behind him.
"Good night, Jake." She whispered into the quiet, willing the disappointment unfurling in her gut away. For a moment, she had wanted him to want her, and she couldn't afford to feel that way.
