A/N: This chapter includes self-harm. Please read wisely!
After Aro left, I continued standing there, legs feeling too weak to move. Caius motioned to the chair across from him, so I assumed he was telling me to sit. I obeyed the unspoken command, and he turned back to his tome. He didn't say anything to me for what felt like hours, so I wasn't sure what Aro's intent was on leaving me in here with him to acquaint ourselves with each other if Caius was only going to ignore me. I didn't mind the lack of attention from him, but it did make me feel uneasy and extremely vulnerable.
I let my mind wander. I thought about grabbing one of the books and attempting to look through it, but I didn't want Caius to question me about it, mainly because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to answer his questions. I didn't know what Aro had meant by discuss what I had read. We had already talked about the fact that I had difficulty remembering things. What was he expecting?
I chanced glances at Caius every now and then, but every time, his attention was still in what he was reading. I wondered what it was about, but given the size of the library and the appearance of the book, I imagined it could be literally anything. According to Aro, the Volturi had been around since ancient times, and he often collected pieces from different periods to remind him of that particular era. Books were no exception.
Aro read a lot, or so it seemed. When I first arrived, I didn't understand how someone could sit so still and read for hours on end. Over time, and after talking about it with Chelsea, I realized that when a person lived forever and could never sleep, they found entertainment in whatever they could. She also mentioned that Aro had read every book in his private library as well as the main library and could recite every word from memory. Not only that, she said that often times, when I saw him with a book, he may not actually be reading it but rather sorting through thoughts with the book as a front instead.
It made some sense. If Aro had lived for millennia, he probably had a lot of memories and thoughts to go through. I was almost sixteen and could barely get through mine. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have three thousand years' worth of them.
In some ways, I was jealous. I wasn't jealous of his immortality or his ability to read so easily or to be so refined and knowledgeable about all the things I could never be. I was jealous over the fact that he had actually had some sort of life to live. Even if Aro was a vampire, the tales he told me about the people he had met and the things that he had done were hard to believe, yes, but also fascinating to me. He sounded so happy and amused with everything, but nothing that had occurred in my life allowed for that sort of reaction.
While I didn't mind and actually liked hearing his stories, I couldn't help but compare them to what I had done and achieved. I was a failure in so many ways. I couldn't keep my grades up, I couldn't make my dad happy, and when he went to prison, I wasn't good enough for my mom, so she found someone else and then yelled at me for all the attention he gave me. Not only that, she refused to believe me about anything involving him, saying that if it were true, it was probably my fault. I didn't tell anyone else because I wasn't worth their concern anyway. I ran away and couldn't even do that right. I failed at keeping myself from slipping back into those blurry, yet sometimes vivid memories. I failed when I screamed from the nightmares at night. I failed when I couldn't remember what I was supposed to remember when reading articles Aro would bring me. I failed when I couldn't even stay still when he was feeding. Why did he want someone who was just going to fail when he was doing everything and succeeding?
I dug my nails into my palm to keep me from crying. There was no way I was doing that in front of Caius. For some reason, I had the distressing thought that he was probably one of those people who enjoyed it. The pain helped, and although I knew I was flushed from holding back the tears, I felt a little better. I could stay in control, I wasn't going to lose it, I wasn't going to fail this time.
I heard Caius gently turn another page of the tome he had been reading, and then, he finally spoke, his voice breaking me out of the sort of trance I had put myself into. "Those books Aro brought, I imagine he wants you to read them? He did say he was teaching you. Pointless." I was too nervous to reply, so I stayed silent, though he was absolutely right, it was pointless. Apparently, it's not what he wanted because he scoffed. "I know you can speak. Does Aro wish for you to read them or not?"
"Yes," I blurted out, a lot quieter than I wanted to, and I mentally slapped myself. At least he had said something to me. The external silence had caused the internal noise to start going to levels that were becoming difficult to manage.
He smirked. "At least you know your place." Caius looked back over at the books. "Which are they?"
I swallowed. What had Aro said? "Plays by Shakespeare and a trilogy by someone. I can't remember."
"Then pick up the books and look."
His abrupt tone made me jump. Reaching over, I grabbed the two books and pulled them in front of me. I recognized Shakespeare because we had looked over some poetry in my English class, but the other book, I didn't know the name. I tried to read it, but I wasn't sure how to pronounce it even though Aro had said the name earlier. I glanced up at Caius, who was staring at me intently. "I don't know how to say it."
Caius nearly ripped the book out of my hand. "You've never read Sophocles? What are they teaching you in these schools?"
If it was his attempt at making me feel stupid, it worked. I lowered my eyes back to the table in front of me and bit the inside of my lip. "I have trouble reading. I'm sorry," I told him, feeling completely embarrassed that I was admitting it to someone who was reading this ancient-looking tome with ease. Aro already knew, but for some reason, it was a lot harder saying it out loud to Caius.
"Maybe you need a better teacher." I peered back up, and his eyes dug into mine. Not at all too soon, he changed the subject. "How have you enjoyed your days with Aro? You're still alive, I see."
I shrugged, unsure of how to answer that particular question. Lately, I barely saw Aro, but before this past week, he was around me more often than not. Some days he would take me to the music room, and I would sit and listen to him play the piano. Other days we would play games such as chess, checkers, and backgammon along with games I had never seen or heard of before. While we played is when he would often tell me his stories. I realized that he loved to talk about himself, and I didn't mind. I would rather listen to him talk about himself than be asked a million questions about me.
"Perhaps you do not enjoy them, or do you prefer to test my patience?"
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to say. It's fine, staying with him, I mean."
"Only fine? It would appear then that I have nothing to compete with." I was confused by what he meant, but I didn't ask for fear of the answer. "What do you expect to do while Aro is away and you're left in my care?"
Was he asking me what I wanted to do or what I was expecting to happen? I didn't know how to answer that question either, but I knew if I paused for too long, he would say something about it. Instead, what I said next was a little braver than even answering whatever I thought he was asking outright, but thankfully, the expression returned was one of curiosity and intrigue. "You were the one who wanted me to stay with you."
Caius chuckled, smirking as he did. "I was." I had my arms still lying on the table where I was running a finger over the cover of the Shakespeare collection, something that I was doing to help ease the anxiety I was feeling. I watched as Caius looked down to my left arm, the one that had been left with the scratch wounds. "Your arm healed. Either Aro found a new pet with a gift, or someone else in this room has a thirst for blood as well."
"I don't have any gifts. I might be cursed, but I'm definitely not gifted," I replied, completely ignoring the part about blood. Obviously, he knew what Aro's blood could do.
"Cursed? Explain. Now you have my interest."
I shrugged for the second time. I really didn't want to talk about that. Thinking back on any of it made me feel sick to my stomach. Then again, was he going to give me a choice? "Bad things keep happening. End of story."
"Such as what happened earlier, the constant replaying of memories causing you to feel as if you need to do something about it to make them stop? You must often feel out of control. I can help you with that."
My skin crawled. Caius's words were dangerous, but the way he spoke was as if he had some sort of intimate knowledge of what he was talking about. As if fate was looking out for me for once, Aro walked in, and I was relieved from answering. I turned to look at him, and he grinned. "Good. You're still in one piece," Aro commented cheerfully.
"For now," I heard Caius whisper under his breath, an almost playful glint in his eye. My stomach flipped. I knew he meant for me to hear him when he glanced at me quickly before turning back to Aro.
Aro didn't acknowledge the remark, and instead, he came over to me and softly patted my head. "The jet is ready. If I'm lucky, and this goes better than expected, I'll be back in a couple of days. Until then, remember your readings. It should be enough to keep you occupied while I'm away." He leaned down and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you again soon, Ariana." Then he was gone.
Caius closed the tome he was reading, and I heard the loud puff sound as the air between the pages was snuffed out. "Grab your books. We might as well get you settled into my rooms."
I'm not sure why it hadn't occurred to me that I wouldn't be staying in Aro's quarters even though he told me I would be staying with Caius. For some reason, my brain had pictured me sleeping in the usual room. Knowing there would be a change of space made me freeze. I had gotten comfortable in Aro's quarters, in the bed that he couldn't even use. I knew my way around, and now I would be somewhere strange with a vampire I barely knew.
"I won't be carrying you," his voice broke through my wandering thoughts, "so I suggest you move." I did.
Caius's rooms were located a floor below Aro's. It was slightly colder and a lot darker, but at least I knew this level somewhat. This was where the music room was located. Knowing that it was there, a thought popped into my head, and I wondered if Caius ever played. I gathered that he must, only to have something to do, but I didn't mention it as we passed by.
When he opened the door to his room and we stepped in, what I had imagined the room to look like was completely different than how it appeared. I assumed it would have a layout similar to Aro's, but instead of walls lined with shelves of books, his walls were lined with numerous paintings, old weapons like I had seen them making in the show Demetri and I watched, and a severed wolf's head that was much too large to be a regular wolf. Over to my right, I noticed a wooden table with lab equipment like we had in my science classes and numerous glass jars and vials filled with different substances. To the left was a burgundy, clawed-foot sofa, an old easel with a half-painted canvas, and a door which he led me to.
I expected a bedroom, but I was learning to not expect anything at this point because on the other side of the door was a medical examination table and what looked like surgical equipment and tools. What use Caius had for those was lost on me, but something about it told me I didn't want to know and to keep my mouth shut. Behind the table, I saw a desk scattered with paper, much like Aro's often was, but this one was void of any books. What surprised me was the laptop that sat there. I had never seen Aro use modern technology before, so it didn't occur to me that Caius might.
"This room is off-limits unless I'm with you, however," Caius said as he pointed to another door in the room, "through that door is a bath. It has all of the modern human necessities."
We walked back into the first room, where Caius took my books from me, placed them on a table near the sofa, and then left me standing by the door. He went over to the lab table before taking out a few instruments and specimens from what looked like a small refrigerator unit below it. He seemed to have entirely dismissed my presence at that point, and not being sure if I was allowed to sit on the sofa or not, I didn't move.
I was curious about where I was supposed to sleep while I was here, considering there wasn't a bed or anything like that. It wouldn't be the first time I had to sleep on the floor, but it really was a lot colder in this room than even in the music room. I'd be shivering all night, and I started to think that maybe Aro didn't think this through completely. Either that, or he did, and he was playing another game.
I felt rather than heard my stomach growl, and I realized that I hadn't eaten anything yet that day. Aro never took me to the kitchen before we went to the library, and he hadn't mentioned anything about it before he left. Was he angry with me? Was that why he didn't say anything? He had always been so pushy about making sure that I was eating enough, so I wasn't complaining that he forgot or didn't say anything for whatever reason. As crazy as it was, that feeling of being physically empty felt good when I felt so emotionally full.
Caius placed a slide on the microscope he was messing with, and I watched as he looked through it and then took a few notes. Science had always come more easily to me than reading, just as math had always come more easily. Biology was generally a liked subject, and I was curious as to what he was viewing. Slowly, I made my way over to the table, ready to stop on a moment's notice if he did or said anything, but he didn't.
When I reached the table, I stood on the other side quietly. I glanced up when Caius asked, "Are you as enigmatical when it comes to science as you are with reading?"
"Enigmatical?"
He sighed. "Perplexing. Puzzled."
I swallowed. "I like science."
The smirk he gave me made me uneasy, but I tried not to think about it. He didn't say anything further, just grabbed another slide, prepared it, then slid it under the microscope. I watched again as he took some notes before looking back up at me. "Feel free to sit. I'm not accustomed to hovering."
"Sorry," I said quickly before turning to the sofa and sitting down.
I looked over at the books Caius had taken from me and set down on the table, the ones Aro wanted me to read. Not seeing much else to do, I grabbed the Shakespeare collection and looked through the different plays I could select. I had heard of a few of them, but then others were new to me. I stared at the list, having no idea where to start, when a suggestion was given to me from the other side of the room.
"Read Titus Andronicus. I'd be interested to know what you think."
Nodding, I searched through the table of contents until I found the one Caius mentioned. I flipped to the correct page and did my best to start reading, though the words continued to trip me up. If every play in the book was like this one, there was no way I could manage.
I had been trying to read and had only gotten to the third page when Caius appeared by the sofa. I looked up from the book, and he said, "What do you think thus far?"
I sighed. "I don't understand it."
"How do you not understand something so simple?" he scoffed.
"I don't know, because I'm stupid, I guess," I replied, shrugging.
"Perhaps."
I didn't realize how much his confirmation hurt even if it was something I readily believed. I wasn't going to argue with him, and I wasn't sure if that's what he wanted or not. I dug my nails into my palm again as I almost started to cry from the frustration. I didn't notice when Caius went into the other room, but when he came out and sat down next to me on the sofa, what I saw in his hand made me do a double-take. He had grabbed a scalpel knife and held it out in front of me.
My heart pounded, not sure what he was planning on doing with it, and the next thing I knew, he had my left arm in his hand and was staring at the new indentations in my palm. "It's remarkable how pain can be so freeing, isn't it?"
I stared as Caius took the scalpel against my skin. The knowledge that I should pull away had reached me, but for some reason, I didn't listen. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was more powerful than me, and I wouldn't have been able to get away from him anyway. On the other hand, there was a part of me that knew that I needed this. He was only giving me what I deserved.
The sharp blade sliced into my skin, and I winced. The cut wasn't too deep, but it was enough to draw out a stream of crimson. My eyes were locked in on it, and he was right. Something about it felt good.
"Like a drug," I heard him whisper in my ear, and we continued to sit there together, my arm in his hand until the bleeding stopped and the red streaks ran dry.
A/N: This chapter was a doozy for me to write, not gonna lie. I was experimenting with a new concept, which, if you know the background of this work, and a couple of you do from my replies, you may or may not understand what I was playing with here. Either way, I would love to know if this chapter worked for my readers or not, so drop me a review and let me know your thoughts. Thanks!
