.

.

"Did you know," Tobirama said, and his eyes narrowed pointedly at her, "that you always speak to Uchiha Madara the way a wife would address her husband?"

"I do?" This was news to Hashi, who pretty much talked to Madara the same way she talked to Tobirama. Tobirama huffed.

"It is always anata this or anata that. Your way of speaking is far too intimate."

Hashi demurred, "Well we've always been good friends-"

"This is probably why he's so obsessed with you! You're a woman! You should be more formal when you address him!"

("Tobirama thinks I'm being too familiar," Hashi said to Madara later. She sat on the windowsill, swinging her legs as Madara stopped and looked up, frowning at her. "I mean, you're practically my brother, of course I'm being familiar!"

"Hmph." Madara sniffed. "If you truly did treat me like an older brother, you would be far more deferential.")

xXx

.

"You slept with him?!" Tobirama said.

"I slept next to him. We were trapped in a snowstorm and it was cold."

Tobirama paced, agitated.

"Sister you cannot do that," Tobirama said. "What if he took advantage?"

"Huh," Hashi said. "That's what Madara said."

"Sister!"

"Don't worry, Little Brother. Madara was even more paranoid than you."

xXx

.

"You do realize, Sister, how physical you are with him?"

"Physical?" Hashi said.

"You sit too close to him," Tobirama said. "You're always touching him and seeking advice from him. If you're not careful, the lunatic might think you're in love with him."

"Little Brother, you're being ridiculous. We sit close only when we're reading the same scrolls. I value his advice. And I have no idea what you mean when you say I keep touching him."

xXx

.

There was a meeting. Tobirama's eyes tracked toward his sister, who was sitting next to Madara. She said something and touched his arm for emphasis.

"Sister," Tobirama said.

He followed them sullenly as they walked down the hallway, when Hashi stopped to show Madara something, touching him on the elbow.

"Sister," Tobirama said.

There was an informal gathering of Uchiha elders, his sister sitting next to Madara. Madara's face was pinched while his sister was laughing and listing sideways. Their shoulders touched as her laughter subsided. Their eyes met and she gazed up adoringly at him.

"Sister," Tobirama said.

xXx

.

"Why is he following us?" Madara said.

"He thinks we're in love. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Perhaps something heavy hit him on the head."

xXx

.

"Senju Tobirama," Madara said. "I have no interest in your sister."

Tobirama sniffed. "If that is the case, then I assume that the reason you're always hanging around her is so you can manipulate her."

"She is a useful ally. I cannot say the same about her brother."

xXx

.

What did his sister see in Uchiha Madara? That half-crazed degenerate. That lunatic traitor who stole his brother's eyes?

It's been a few weeks since the night of that fateful battle, and Tobirama watches, growing increasingly frustrated, as his sister laughs and grins and hangs all over him; Tobirama watches as she clasps her hand around his arm, beaming up at him brightly while Madara walks stiffly and silently beside her.

"Oh, that? He isn't really comfortable showing affection," Hashi says.

She's sitting on the desk, helping Tobirama with the transition. Tobirama looks at her doubtfully. "Only when there's people around," Hashi clarifies. She shuffles through their papers. "He's just like you, Little Brother. In public he never smiles."

Tobirama stares. And stares. And takes a moment to keep his jaw from falling onto the ground. "Sister, you cannot be serious. I am nothing like that bloodthirsty lunatic."

Hashi starts laughing. "Did you know, he said the same thing?"

"What?"

"I told him how alike you two are, and Madara said, 'you cannot be serious,' and 'well obviously now I have to kill myself to escape from the shame.' Ha ha! He's so melodramatic," Hashi says. Tobirama puts his head in his hands.

"Ugh, Sister, you even sound like him."

"Well, I am to marry him."

"Do not remind me." Tobirama grimaces.

"I actually think that's why I like him," Hashi says.

"Because he's unhinged and unbalanced?" Tobirama says. Hashi shakes her head.

"Because he's so serious, he's just like you, it's a lot of fun to tease him."

Tobirama opens his mouth to argue, but Hashi does a little hop off the desk, smiling happily. "I think if you got to know him, you'd actually like him."

"Please." Tobirama says. "I'd rather slit my wrists than demean myself by spending time with him."

"That's what Madara said."

"Ugh," Tobirama says.

xXx

.

They're supposed to have a meeting with the Hyuuga, a high-stakes diplomatic meeting to hash out details of a potential alliance. For months, Hashi had been spearheading the negotiations, and so at the Hyuuga's request she comes along with them, Tobirama wearing his ceremonial Hokage robes while his sister walks next to him.

They're walking down the hallway, Tobirama and his sister and a small coterie of Senju advisors, when they pass Uchiha Madara, who's leaning against the wall of the hallway. His arms are crossed and he looks vaguely irritated, but as his sister passes, his eyes widen.

"I need a word," Madara says to his sister.

"Now?" Hashi says, but Madara yanks Hashi toward him. Tobirama starts.

"What are you doing? Why are you grabbing my sister?"

Madara snaps at him, "That is none of your concern."

"Little brother, it will be just a minute," Hashi says.

"Sister, the meeting is starting. The Hyuuga will be gravely offended."

"Just start the meeting without me," Hashi says. She stumbles a little as Madara yanks her forward.

xXx

.

Feckless! Irresponsible! Manipulative! Tobirama thinks, as he rounds the corner to follow them. Madara always hated the Hyuuga! Of course he would try to sabotage them!

"Sister! This cannot go on!" Tobirama storms down the hallway, throwing open the doors to Hashi's chambers. "Whatever half-crazed idea he has, it can wait. The Hyuuga are waiting," Tobirama says, then stops abruptly when he sees Madara kneeling in front of Hashi, a scowl on his face while he's pressing a hand flat against his sister.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tobirama says. He puts his hand on the hilt of his sword. "What are you doing to my sister?"

"Tobirama." Hashi stands. "I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"He saw it as we were passing, but he needed to make sure."

Tobirama stares, stricken. Madara gives him a smug look. "I saw two different colors of chakra swirling in opposition," Madara says. He sniffs, arrogantly. "Even without the Sharingan, I could tell she was pregnant. I simply wanted to take a closer look."

Tobirama sputters. "Sister, how could that be, you're not yet married-" and then his mind snaps to the Valley of the End, his sister dragging Madara in like a half-rotting corpse.

"What did you do to her?!" Tobirama says. Madara smirks.

"Nothing that you would approve of, I'm sure," Madara says, loftily.

"Tobirama, I'm pregnant." Hashi starts to laugh, tears streaming down the sides of her face. "I can't believe it, I'm-"

"What is the meaning of this? Why are we waiting?" The doors burst open, the Hyuuga ministers barging in when they see Madara kneeling and Hashi crying, Tobirama looking like he wants to kill somebody with his bare hands.

"You're with child," one of the Hyuuga elders says. They glance at each other, then at his sister, who's crying and laughing and quickly wiping her eyes. "Did you just now find out? Congratulations," the Hyuuga elders say. They circle Hashi as she laughs awkwardly, sniffing and wiping the tears from her eyes.

The meeting is a success, smoothed over by the feel-good announcement of his sister's pregnancy. The Hyuuga agree to terms, and as the elders sign the treaty, Tobirama leans toward Madara.

"If you weren't marrying my sister I would kill you where you stand," Tobirama says in a low voice. Madara smirks.

"Don't think I can't dispatch of you easily. You're only alive because you're her brother."

xXx

.

The Nara are agitating outside the borderlands. Hashi slings her sword across her back, ready to go into battle, when Madara snaps at her, "What the devil are you doing? You're with my child, you cannot fight them!"

"Excuse me?" Hashi says. Tobirama nods, crossing his arms.

"I agree, sister. You're with child. Let someone else engage them."

It's the first time Madara and Tobirama agree about anything. Hashi makes an irritated noise at the both of them. "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't still beat the crap out of both of you."

"No one is saying you can't, sister, we're just saying you're with child, you shouldn't recklessly be throwing yourself into battle. And not to belabor the point, but look at yourself. You cannot even fit into your armor."

"Your brother makes an excellent point," Madara says, and Hashi has to pause at that, because never in her wildest dreams would she think she'd hear Madara say that. Hashi bristles.

"I don't need armor! I can use my Mokuton for defense-"

"And only a foolhardy idiot would presume their jutsu is enough for defense."

Hashi protests, "But when we fought at the Valley of the End, you weren't wearing any armor."

"He doesn't need to use his armor," Tobirama says.

"Thank you," Madara says.

"His Susanoo envelopes him. It is nothing like your plants."

"Correct," Madara says, and he and Tobirama fistbump. Hashi stares at them, incredulous.

"So I'm just supposed to stay here while the two of you go and suppress them?"

Madara and Tobirama speak at the same time: "Yes."

Hashi huffs and rubs her head.

xXx

.

Their child is born with the Rinnegan.

"What is going on?!" Tobirama says, as he opens the door to the nursery and sees the baby hurling sharp objects with her Deva Path and randomly summoning large beasts that trample through their rooms. Madara has taken to shielding himself with his Susanoo.

The baby squeals, then floats. Madara reaches out and grabs her.

("Is that lunatic actually happy about this?" Tobirama says later to Hashi, after the baby lets out a beam of concentrated energy, the baby's massive chakra practically destroying their house. Hashi smiles.

"She's his daughter, of course he is."

And the baby laughs, then belches out fire.)