When they passed the small mud obstacle, such as it was, Darcy said, "Miss Bennet, I must make a confession."
Curious, she replied, "If you must."
He sighed, and said, "I discussed my plight with my cousin last night. I know you have every reason to believe he is a prolific gossip, and perhaps not all that clever, but he can be silent as the grave when it is called for, and he does have a keen tactical sense when he puts his mind to it. He will not break your confidence. We grew up together, and he is closer to a brother to me than a cousin; while I am closer to a brother to him than his own flesh and blood. I should not have, but I felt the need for someone intelligent to help me think through things."
Elizabeth felt anger stirring in her head and had to force herself to calm down and think rationally. The answer, when it came, seemed so obvious enough she wanted to smack her own head.
"Mr. Darcy, I discussed at least the high points of our evening with Mary last night, so I can hardly complain about your own need for a confidant. Tell me, if you are of a mind, what did your cousin think."
Darcy snorted a bit, and said, "Before or after he quit laughing at me?"
Elizabeth appreciated the attempt at humor. She could tell he was a terrible liar as she was, but she appreciated the attempt.
"You choose."
"He says you are a mirror."
Perplexed, she asked, "How so?"
"He says, that you are a mirror, because you show people their true selves. He spoke to you, and he came away with the understanding that he could well be a hurtful gossip, because he is so gregarious, and finds company and conversation so essential, that he does not always think through what he says."
"Yes, well, I could probably excuse the gossip, but I deplore the stupidity of not being able to put the pieces together and work out that I almost certainly knew the woman he was talking about. Something tells me you are not finished, though."
"I am about a third of the way through, or 33.3333333333333333333% if you prefer."
Elizabeth smiled, and squeezed his arm a bit, which actually felt rather… nice."
"Now, Fitzwilliam had another example I will come to presently, but let me first discuss the second third. At the Netherfield ball, I met your cousin, the most obnoxious mixture of servility and self-importance I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. The man I met here a few weeks ago could hardly be recognized as the same man. I would assert that your brother is the true Mr. Collins, and the man I met at the ball was the man before being exposed to the Elizabeth Bennet Mirror. Dare you contradict me?"
Elizabeth stared at him, and said, "You give me credit that is not due, Mr. Darcy. My cousin was transformed by his acquaintance with my sister, not by me."
"Ahhhhhhhh… I see, I see. My apologies. I must have been misinformed. I had heard a rumor he favored you first and may even have gone so far as to act on it."
Elizabeth began to turn embarrassed, so the gentleman relented.
"Peace, Miss Elizabeth. I was trying to tease, something I have no skill at. Is it possible that your 'awkward conversation' had at least a significant part of his stunning transformation?"
Elizabeth sighed, and said, "We will never know. I did intervene, and he did very quickly revert to his true nature. Whether I had anything to do with it or not… well, I cannot say."
"But you cannot say you did not have the effect."
"No, I suppose not. Negative theses can rarely be proven. Shall we move on to the last third. I cannot imagine you saved the easiest 1/3 for last."
"No, not by half. When Fitzwilliam got wound up, he told me that you had shown me that I must be immersed in the fullest belief of my arrogance, my conceit, and my selfish disdain of the feelings of others."
"I wish you would not say things like that! I did no such thing."
He stopped walking, and she stopped along with him. He walked in front of her to where she could see his face, which had been difficult walking side by side because of the angle and her bonnet and stared at her.
"Well, Miss Mathematician, here is your chance to disprove him using the Scientific Method. Find a single instance of behavior that you yourself have witnessed that disproves the theory. I know you have received good reports from my aunt's tenants and the like, but I could perfectly well be amiable to them out of duty, or more likely because it is to my advantage to keep them happy. I can be amiable with my peers, but that could be just because it is the easiest thing to do. So, Miss Scientist, present me some evidence – not feelings or speculation – that disproves my cousin's hypothesis."
Elizabeth stared at him in consternation for quite some time, thinking furiously over every interaction, and finally had to admit defeat.
"I cannot offer you the evidence, Sir, but I still believe your cousin overstates the case."
The gentleman was starting to notice signs in the lady he had never paid attention to, and he speculated that her current demeanor indicated a restlessness for motion, so he stepped back beside her, offered his arm. She took it without qualms and practically pulled him along. He allowed her to set the pace for perhaps fifty or sixty paces, and finally broke the silence.
"Would you care to hear my cousin's description of me?"
Elizabeth looked perplexed, and said, "I thought I just did."
"No… that was what the mirror showed that I should be thinking about myself, not what my cousin thinks of me."
"I am all fascination, Sir. Before we diverge though, are you convinced of your cousin's assessment that I am a mirror?"
"I am. I have a few more examples, sufficient to completely convince me."
Elizabeth sighed, and said, "Perhaps I am one of those mirrors that distorts and magnifies certain aspects."
"If you would have it so."
"So, what did your cousin think you are, if I may ask?"
Darcy chuckled, and answered, "Well, there was a certain amount of brandy preceding his assessment, but in the end, he decided I am a statue."
"A statue!"
Elizabeth laughed a bit, and said, "Well, I can see his point, I suppose. What was his reasoning?"
"Well, he asserted I am a reasonably handsome man…"
Elizabeth completely surprised herself by saying, "Very handsome!", but then blushed and stared at the path while he chuckled and continued.
"He also said, I naturally prefer to spend my time up on my pedestal being admired, rather than mixing with mere mortals."
Elizabeth started to speak, but he beat her to it.
"Do not disagree, Miss Mirror, unless you can present some evidence."
She fumed for a moment, but finally admitted defeat with a shake of her head.
"He says that just like a statue, people stare at what I appear to be, not what I am. The statue appears to represent all that is noble and great and beautiful in the human experience, but underneath, it is just a rock."
Elizabeth said, "Well, a rock carved into a statue becomes something new… something beautiful, but the things they represent are frequently misrepresented. The Great General won the battle gets a statue, ignoring the case where he cost double the lives it should have cost, or the battle was not worth fighting in the first place, or the spoils were lost later a year or two later. There are statues for 'great men' in London, when their greatness was nothing but supporting slavery or some other injustice. Yes, I suppose statues try to show an image of something great, but I do not see how this applies to you."
"It applies perfectly well to me. Elizabeth, listen to this. When I slighted you at that assembly, I did not want to be there mixing with people of no importance in the world. That was literally what I was thinking. I saw no beauty, no grace, no fashion… need I continue?"
Elizabeth felt tears coming to her eyes, but her basic honesty forbade any different answer than nodding her head, which was all the response she was capable of.
Feeling her distress, the gentleman continued.
"Of course, he also may have mentioned that a statue that is not taken care of, revered, cleaned and so forth eventually ends up just a rock covered in bird dung."
That brought a most satisfying laugh from the lady, who was feeling much like a see saw."
She said, "Who would have thought – a mirror and a statue."
