"Honey, we just wanted to give you an update about the next step in the process," said Karen.
"Since your birth mom has not pursued reunification on her own, the process goes back to the initial adoption goal. Within the next couple of weeks the judge will set a new .26 hearing, where he will decide if your birth mom's parental rights will be terminated for you, Lita and Juan. If this happens, you three will become open for adoption. As case workers it is our responsibility to ensure all of you can find a permanent adoptive placement, and we will recommend Pete and Ellie to be that placement," said Sharon.
"We wanted to let you know because we know this has been a challenging idea in the past," added Karen, "specially for you, so we want to make sure you're ready for this."
Lizzy, Karen, Sharon, Pete and Ellie were in the Wagner's kitchen. Lizzy had stupidly thought this was another routine foster care check-in, and had not been prepared to hear all of this information, all at once. It was making her head spin.
"There is, of course, the possibility that a biological family member might step up," said Sharon.
"Or, if you are completely against this, you can submit another letter to the judge to express that and you can request to me or Sharon to be put into another placement," said Karen.
"You would have to decide if this is something you would want for just you or for your siblings as well," said Sharon.
"But given the situation, this hearing will be taking place soon, and after that if Pete and Ellie are cleared, the system will pursue permanent adoption for all three of you, unless circumstances change."
Lizzy was struggling to breathe. She felt like the world was closing in on her. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to feel. Karen and Sharon's voices faded out. Nothing made sense.
"Lizzy, honey, are you okay?"
Lizzy looked up to see everyone looking expectantly at her. It was all too much. She stood up and ran to her room.
"Lizzy!" Pete was getting out of the chair when Ellie stopped him.
"No, it's okay. Just give her some time. I'll go check on her in a little while if she doesn't come back. It's a lot to take in." said Ellie.
Upstairs, in her room, Lizzy was in full panic. This was it. This is what she had been waiting for: permanent adoption. But why was it so scary?
She thought about Juan and Lita. She knew what she wanted for them: to stay with Pete and Ellie, their rightful parents. But were Pete and Ellie her parents, too? What if they found out her darkest secrets and didn't want her anymore? What if they saw how happy they were just with Lita and Juan, and realized she was just extra baggage? Lizzy's mind came up with horrible scenarios while she struggled to breathe.
Then, she remembered. She opened her desk drawer in search of what she knew would help her make a decision. When she found it, she started reading.
"…Lizzy once asked me why we did this, why we took them in. We couldn't give her an answer at the time. We did it because something was missing in our lives but we didn't know what it was. It was Juan, Lita and Lizzy. Over the past few months we have fallen in love with these kids and everything they have brought into our lives. We love Lita's stubbornness, Juan's kindness and Lizzy's determination to build a better life for herself and her siblings.
When we started this journey, we thought we were going to help change children's lives for the better. What these past months have taught us is that it doesn't work that way at all. It's not their lives that have been changed for the better, but ours. We have learnt a lot in a very short time: we have learnt how to braid hair, how to kiss booboos, how to help with homework and how to cope with endless piles of laundry. But most importantly, we have learnt how to be parents, how to be their parents. We know we have made mistakes along the way, but every mistake has helped us grow. Every decision, every struggle, every challenge has been worth it just to see these kids thrive. We know we have even more challenges ahead of us, but we want to face them to the best of our abilities. We know we will never be perfect, but we want to continue to try to be the perfect parents to them. Juan, Lita, Lizzy: we have a cosmic connection with you. Whatever happens today, know that you have made us into better people and nothing will make us stop loving you. Please know that even if we don't get to be with you as you grow up, you will always feel like our children. We will always be here for you. We will always love you."
Lizzy wiped tears from her face and took a deep breath.
She knew what she had to do.
Moments later, Lizzy emerged in the kitchen, where the Wagners and her case workers were awaiting her.
"Karen, Sharon," she said. "Let's do the .26 hearing."
