A/N: Happy Friday all, hope everyone is staying safe and in their homes in these unprecedented times. I am continuing to work from home just like many others, but have found some time to update amongst the whirl wind. So please enjoy this latest chapter, your feedback and reviews have really helped me develop this story so thank you all.
Flashback- Wednesday Evening – SLWW
"Hey Mike, you got a minute?" Harvey stands at the threshold of the junior partner's office.
"Sure Harvey, what's on your mind." Mike rounds his desk to sit on it and give Harvey his full attention, he's talked it out with Rachel and couldn't imagine being in this sort of situation himself. All in all, he just wants to be there for his friend.
"I urm, I need some help, or maybe I should have gone to Rachel." Harvey stands there fidgeting with his suit jacket.
"What is it Harvey, if I need to get Rachel involved, we can. Here come sit." The younger lawyer pulls out a chair for Harvey and then takes a seat waiting for Harvey.
"I saw Donna last night, I asked if I could take her out for dinner, she said that they are flying out today so I quickly said we can have dinner tomorrow night in London. I've asked Louis for some time off; I have plenty of holiday that I can take. What I'm trying to say is, I need some help. I want to buy the children some gifts, like toys and stuff but I don't know how Donna will feel about it, or if I will even get to meet them while I'm there. I want to do right by them and I want to be in the children's lives but more importantly I want Donna to know that I want to be with her. I kind of wanted tomorrow night's dinner to be a date but, I don't know where to start…"
"Woah, woah Harvey, I've never known you to ramble so much. You think about this anymore your heads going to explode." Mike chuckles at the older lawyer.
"I knew this was a bad idea, sorry I bothered." Harvey went to rise when Mikes hand came to push him back into his seat. "Hey man, sorry. Look, I think you need to take things slow; see tomorrows dinner as just a that, a dinner. Get to know her again, it's been so long there are things that have changed in both of your lives. Just remember, she's never going to stop you from being in your children's lives she's made that clear from the start. You just didn't know it till now." Mike gives him a small smile, giving Harvey advice about women was something he never thought he would have to do.
"Your right, I've just never pursued a woman like this before. Donna to be exact, she's not just some woman. She happens to be the mother of my children." Harvey looks defeated, if only he had just stopped her in that airport. The thought has been occurring to him for the past forty-eight hours.
"How about we just go look for some stuff the kids will like first for which I think Rachel will be helpful, especially for all the girly gifts. Then maybe me and Rach can prep you, give you some ideas. We all know Donna is a tough nut to crack."
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Present Time
Harvey sits in the departures lounge early the next morning, two stuffed animals he saw last night during his shopping trip with Mike and Rachel by his side. As he went to check his bags in, the flight attendant had noticed him clutching the soft light blue and green dinosaur and light pink mouse dressed up as a ballerina and asked if he was going home to see his kids.
He's been stuck there since. Unable to function, he checked his bags in, in a daze state and the flight attendant even apologised for saying something wrong. He found his gate and sat down, and starts thinking back to the last time he had been this nervous, probably when he was going to Boston to meet his mother after all the years of estrangement. He hugs the soft toys slightly tighter. He's not even told his mom she's a grandmother yet nor his brother that he's an uncle.
Taking a shaky breath, he takes his phone out, he had sent Donna a text last night to confirm he was going to take her out to the Aqua Shard tonight for dinner. He thumbs over the reply she sent hours ago, I look forward to it Harvey, have a safe flight. He then pulls up his contacts and scrolls between his mom's phone number and his brothers, who does he call first. He decides he owes it to his mother to tell her first. He hits dial with a sigh wondering how he is going to even start this conversation.
"Harvey, it's good to hear from you." He could hear the smile through the phone, he talks to her often but recently he just hasn't had the time.
"Mom, how are you?"
"I'm good son, how are you? How's Paula? You two need to make it down here for thanksgiving again this year, we sure had a lot of fun last year." The reminder of Paula temporarily knocks him. It's his mother's voice to asking if everything's okay that brings him out of his head.
"Yeah mom everything's okay." Harvey closes his eyes; nothings okay he's just lying through his teeth. His mother picks up on his tone and catches him out. "It doesn't seem like everything okay Harvey, talk to me."
"Mom I…. I don't know how to say this." He gets up to pace along the windows planes have been coming and going since he's been sat waiting to board.
"What is it, your scaring me Harvey."
"Mom, when I first got with Paula, I thought that she was finally the one. I thought she knew what I needed, and could recognise my feelings and was the one who was there for me during the darkest of times in my life. What I'm trying to say is, I was so wrong Mom. She was never any of that. In fact, what she recognised is that my heart belonged to another but kept me to herself out of her own selfishness."
"Your heart belonged to Donna didn't it son." He could tell she was treading carefully with her question. She didn't want to say something that would shut this free flow that she rarely got to see from Harvey.
"Yes…. Mom I've fucked up." His eyes water up as he admits this out loud. Maybe the first time he has acknowledged that he's screwed up. "We had a moment two and half years ago, she kissed me and I kissed her back, it went so beyond just a kiss that night. When I came to my senses, I realised I had cheated on Paula. You know how I feel about that, heck Donna knows how I feel about cheating. So, I took it out on her blamed her for it all, mom I was so horrible to her."
"Is that why she left." Lily's heart was now breaking for him, he was clearly in so much pain and she couldn't do anything to sooth him.
"Yes, she couldn't bare to watch me move on with Paula. I went after her but I was an idiot, I didn't stop her. I didn't tell her that I am so in love with her that it's hard to breath without her." Tears are now flowing down his cheek as he looks out at the jet that is slowly being wheeled onto the tar mac in front of him moving further away from him. "I think I've lost her Mom, I think I've lost the chance to have everything with her." He places his hand on the window in defeat.
"What makes you say that son. Has she moved on?" A flashback to the night he saw her at the restaurant in downtown Manhattan flashes through his mind who was that guy to her.
"I think so, even if she hasn't, she's never going to want to be with me. Not after everything that's happened."
"What's happened, did you tell her how you feel has she rejected you?" Lily could roll her eyes at the way her boy is talking in riddles.
He continues to tell his mom about the past couple of weeks and how he nearly lost his licence but Donna saved him. He tells her how he noticed her with two children outside the courthouse and driving away.
"She's moved on huh, oh I am sorry Harvey." She's crying now, she's always thought that she'd ruined Harvey's life with some of her choices but to now hear of some of the ramifications from the damage her little boy has faced, it hurts.
"Mom the children, they are mine." There it is, what he wanted to tell her all this time is now out. His mom has suddenly lost the ability to speak so he continues.
"I got back to the office after the hearing was called off, Mike and Rachel told me that Rachel had seen her in the park a few days ago and had invited her to dinner. Donna had explained to both of them that she had written to me when she found out she was pregnant and has been doing since. I didn't believe them at first, but then it all came together."
"What came together, Harvey this is not making any sense. She said she wrote to you, surely you would have received them." Lily had now started pacing the room.
"That's what Donna seemed to think too. But I didn't receive any of them. It didn't take us long to figure out why."
"Why, Harvey…."
"It was Paula mom; she hid the letters from me." His hurt turns to anger as he relays his final time he spoke with Paul and his discovery of the letters and pictures.
"Harvey, what are their names. When can I meet them? Oh my gosh, I'm not prepared for little ones anymore Hayley and Jack are older now, I'll need to get some toys…"
"Mom slow down" Harvey chuckles at his mother's excitement. "Their names are Amelia and Henry and I've not even met them yet. He shakes his head at the thought.
"What do you mean you've not met them yet." Lily stops pacing waiting for Harvey to answer. "I met Donna last night, we talked. She knows that I've only just found out about the twins and I want to be there for them but she's apprehensive. Quite rightly so. So, I've decided I'm going to play it on her terms, when she's ready for me to meet them I will." As he starts talking about the prospect of getting to see his children, he is drawn back to the soft toys he's bought them.
"You promise, you'll bring them to Boston so I can meet them. Oh, you must send pictures."
"There's a lot we need to talk about, Donna moved to London after she resigned at the firm, so right now I don't know how it's going to work. I want to be in their lives but, right now I can't promise you that I'll be bringing them to Boston any time soon."
"Well, it looks like you've got your work cut out. Okay how about you promise me this instead. Make it up to her, it's clear to me how much you love her Harvey, and son, your going to make a great father. I'll travel the world to see my grandchildren if I have to." Her comments make him laugh.
"Hey mom I think it's time for me to board my flight. I'll speak to you soon okay."
"Good Luck son."
He thought he'd just have a quick call with his mother and then move onto his brother, but he decides he's going compose a message to send before take-off and hopefully his mother can fill him in. As he hits send on the plane, he looks down at the two soft toys he hasn't been able to keep out of his sight since last night then looks out of the window watching as JFK passes them on their taxi to the runway. He has no idea when he will be back in New York but his main focus right now is to make things right.
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London 4 hours ahead
Donna nervously taps away on her computer; they are ridiculously busy this week due to fashion week events. Once again, this year Donna has landed huge events from top designers wanting Paulsen Events to host a range of runway shows and after parties. Valentino has sent her a personal invitation for tonight's after party but she declined, sending her number two and head of marketing instead.
Anna her number two was shocked, Donna has been so excited about the invitation months ago. Valentino had also sent her the perfect dress for tonight, so for Donna to miss this is big. To Anna's disappointment, Donna downplayed any hints of a date and blamed it on jet lag telling her and Marco to enjoy their night on the town. She had no intention of telling her about Harvey. Not yet anyway. She needs to figure it all out before she can let people know that the father of her children is back in her life.
She's talked to her mom at great lengths about this while on their flight home last night. Claire trying make Donna see that he's already proving that he's working on building a relationship. Donna brushed it off with the comment that Claire has always loved Harvey. She knows she's right with what she's doing, she needs to see if Harvey's intentions are right. Heck she doesn't have anything figured out and she sure can't put two innocent children between their mess. She needs to make sure Harvey wants to be in their lives for good, she couldn't care less if they had a relationship or not. Right now, all she's hoping is that they can get back to being friends at least.
She shakes her head at the thoughts floating round her head. Whatever happens tonight she is going to lay it all out in the open.
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That evening in London
Harvey had landed and checked himself into the Hilton hotel, his secretary had booked it for him as it was close to the restaurant, he had picked for him and Donna tonight. He had researched where she lived in London, Kensington seemed farther out than he thought but his secretary; having been to London recently herself reassured him that it's not that far on the tube to the Shard.
He didn't have long to get ready but, he took a quick shower to get rid of that plane feeling and cleared his head talking himself up for the night ahead. He's been itching to call Mike for reassurance but has backed down each time. You can do this; that's his mantra at the moment. He pulls out the navy-blue suit he bought with him specifically for this dinner and gets ready.
As he fixes his tie in the mirror his eyes land on the soft toys on top of his bed and it's like they know what he's going through as one look at them gives him perspective over what he needs to do. He gives himself a silent nod in the mirror and goes to put the soft toys in a gift bag and heads out.
As he's walking towards the Shard his phone buzzes and he stops in his tracks annoying some regular commuters on their way to London Bridge station. He ignores the earlier text from Marcus and goes straight in for Donna's.
Hey, not heard from you since yesterday are, we still meeting tonight? I am running slightly late but would appreciate you letting me know if you're here in London or not. If you've changed your mind it's okay, I get it. Just tell me so I can at least get home in time to tuck the twins in for the night.
Fuck he thinks. He's already fucking up. He closes his eyes and composes himself before typing back.
Course I'm here Donna, I meant what I said the other night. I'm heading to the restaurant now. I'll see you in a few.
He picks his pace up to the nearby flower stall and seeks out their best bouquet of lilies for her and heads on his way. He can't be fucking up anymore, time to be the father his children need and the man he's always wanted to be for Donna.
