A/N - Short chapter. May need a tissue. Getting back into writing this story.

There is a plan and every moment will be recognized.

~Munchkin1978


Chapter 7

BPOV

"Sam where is Jared?" I tried to look around everyone but I didn't see him.

"Bells you need to sit down."

"No I don't where is he?"

"He is not coming home Bells." Sam told me clasping my hands in his. I heard Emily gasp.

"Where is he Sam?" I asked again not really hearing him.

"Bella he's gone. I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean he's gone? He told me he would be home." Sam's words were not registering. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't hear it. I just wanted Jared home. He had promised me. I looked at Sam as he watched me. He could see me go from one thought to the next. "No he has to come home." Sam still had my hands as I started to shake. He let me go as I dropped to he ground in a heap. "Nooooo." I let out a sob. The tears falling freely now. He promised me he would come home. Jared come home. Please don't leave me here.

"Sam." I heard Emily talk but I had no idea what she said after as the shock of it all was too much. I had looked up with tear soaked eyes as Sam reached for me and I passed out.

.~.

I woke up crying in my bed. Sam and Emily sat in chairs that they had pulled from downstairs. Angela and Ben were in the doorway. I had no idea how long I had been out for. I didn't really care. Life as I knew it was over. Jared was gone. It was like my world had shattered into a million pieces and the one piece that held it together was gone.

"Bella." Sam rose from his chair as I sat up.

"How long was I out for?" I asked looking at everyone finally realizing that I needed to know. Their faces were like mine. Upset and stricken with worry for me.

"It's been a few days."

"You were in and out. Crying fits, throwing up, fighting us." Emily said to me. "We are worried about you Bella."

I looked at Angela in the doorway and she had tears running down her face. Ben held her close as he looked just as upset. I looked at Emily and she nodded. The last face I looked upon was Sam. Jared looked so much like Sam. It was like the dam that was holding the tears in for the moment had broken again as I started to cry. He was gone.

"Sam."

"Yes Bells."

"I need to make arrangements. Everyone back home needs to be notified. I need to take him back home."

"Bella I will do that. You are in no shape to be even thinking of this."

"I need to do something."

The tears stopped. The dam was plugged again for the moment. I was mad that he left me here by myself. How dare he? I was in a new city, a place I didn't know and he left me. I rose from the bed smoothed my clothes down and Sam came rushing forward to help me.

"I'm fine. I am going in the shower. I feel like crap."

I walked past everyone and headed into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I stood against the door and slid down the back. I was not really fine. I would not be fine. I was missing a piece of me.

I eventually got up off the floor and did go in the shower. I replayed all our memories from our Wedding to how we met in my head over and over. The water was hot when it started and by time I exited it was stone cold. I had sat down under the water and just let it fall over me. I starred at the rings he had given me and cried again. I couldn't tell what was water and what were my tears.

Everyone was down stairs as I came down in fresh clothes and his oversized college sweatshirt. Angela had a cup of coffee for me and a sandwich as I sat down on the couch. I was quiet as I should have been. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be alone in this house. He was here but not here.

"Angela is it too much trouble if I stay with you and Ben?"

"No it is not too much trouble. You can stay as long as you need."

"Thank you. No offense Sam but it will just be too hard to stay with you and Emily and the girls. Too many reminders right now."

"It's okay Bells. You are our first priority." He paused and kissed the top of my head. "We will come to see you tomorrow okay."

I watched them go as Angela came and sat with me on the couch.

"Bella when ever you are ready to go we are too. Ben has his car and I took mine. I have been staying here for the last few days to make sure you were okay."

"Thank you. Let me go and pack some things and we can go. I need to get out of here."

"Okay." She watched me get up and head back up stairs. I threw some clothes in a bag and my toothbrush and headed back downstairs. I ran my hand over the pictures as I went. I turned off all the lights and we left after I finished my coffee and sandwich.

When I was finally ready to go Angela put the coffee mugs in the sink along with the plate and quickly washed them so they wouldn't stain. Ben had gone ahead and I locked up the house.

"Ben went to pick up some food for later from Jasper's. He also had a phone call to make to his boss."

"Have you both been here this whole time?"

"I have. Ben would come check in every so often. Sam and Emily stayed since they told you. I met your nieces."

"I must have been a mess."

"You had every right to be Bella. I am thinking we should postpone the wedding till your feeling better."

"No Angela. I am not going to be the cause of your day being ruined."

"We will see. I haven't decided yet."

"You're having your wedding."

I got in her car and was quiet the whole way to her apartment. By time we reached there Ben had arrived with food. Even though I had just had a sandwich I was still very hungry. More than I realized.

.~.

The next week I was in and out. Angela had to go back to work so she left me at their place. I would cook for them to help out. I liked to cook. It was good for me to focus on something. But I had to go home. I had to put things together for his funeral. I was dreading going into the house. I hadn't been there in a week. I hadn't seen him in a week. I was doing my best not to cry all the time. I knew Angela and Ben heard me at night.

The day I returned home I took Emily and Sam with me. Sam was still off and I am sure hurting too. I opened the door with both of them standing behind me. Sam was ready to catch me if I had passed out again. I didn't this time. I stepped in side and immediately went back to the day Sam came home to tell me.

I took it slowly. Looking in every room. I was not even totally unpacked and this had happened. I still had a few boxes to go. I went with Emily up stairs and she pulled out two suits that Jared had. A black one and a blue one. My favorite one was the blue. I automatically chose the blue one with out even looking at them.

"Bella is there anyone you want here with you? We tried to think of every one that had known Jared but both of you knew so many out side of our circle of friends."

"I plan on taking him home." I said quietly.

"I know."

"I am sure you called everyone. It's okay Emily."

I had talked to both my parents multiple times in the week. Dad was coming. He hated to fly but he was coming. Mom was arriving today. I had no idea where to put them. Mom was going to dote. And well… Dad would know how I was feeling. He had lost officers before. More on hunting trips than anything but he still knew. He knew the drill. He knew how to act.

I sat down on the bed and ran my hand over his side. I could plain as day see him lying there smiling at me to wake up.

"Emily, can you ask Sam to come here."

"Sure."

After she called him and he came up stairs she took the suit down to hang at the door. I didn't want to do this but I needed to know. It was sitting in the back of my head and eating away at me because he never told me.

"Bells what is it?"

"I need to know. I don't want this undercover crap that he always fed me. I want you to tell me straight."

"I'll tell you what I can. Some of it is sealed and I don't even know."

"Just tell me what you know then." I paused looking him straight in the eye. I knew when something was not right. I knew when either one of them was lying to me. I knew by the eyes. "Good. Then tell me what happened."

"Bella you know undercover work you only get half the story to go on. You go when they tell you to go and prep you for what you are told."

"Yes I know."

"Well this was no different. Both of us were put into a shipping company undercover with 2 other FBI agents. We were called because there was a can that was not supposed to be there. They were waiting to be picked up by their people and when we opened it all hell broke loose." He didn't falter in looking at me. He knew I knew if he was lying. "Jared went in when we told him to hold back until they were out of the can. He didn't listen Bella. He jumped the gun as they say."

I looked straight at Sam. He didn't lie. He told me what he could. I knew as a police chief's daughter that I could never know the whole truth. It was undercover work.

"Thank you Sam. Why a shipping company?"

"I can't tell you that part Bella. I know you would not even repeat it but right now it is an open case and something that is very, very dangerous if you know the wrong thing. When it is over maybe I can tell you." He paused. "Please know that I am going to do everything in my power to help you. He was my brother and you are family. Always."

"Thank you Sam."

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yes. It is my house."

"Okay. We will pick you up tomorrow in the morning. Please eat. Jared always said you tended not to eat when you were upset."

"He remembered that did he? I did that one time." I finally smiled for the first time in a week.

"There is the smile I know. It will get better Bella. I keep telling myself that every day. I lost him too and it is hard."

"I know Sam. I am sorry I haven't been awake enough to be with you two and the girls."

"It is okay. It will come in time."

I had one more glance at the bed before I left the room with Sam and headed back down stairs. Emily had the suit hanging by the door and she picked it up before she and Sam left.

I headed into the kitchen. I know I had some canned stuff and pasta which I had stocked when we moved in. I would just make pasta and sauce. I was okay that there was no meat. I was hungry. With me staying at Angela's I only usually missed lunch. We would have coffee and breakfast and then I would make dinner. I was sure Ben was happy when I made dinner.

With the pot boiling with water and salted I put enough pasta for one in and stirred it around. I sat at the table and opened the photo album that sat there. It was us goofing around at the fair back home. I couldn't help but smile remembering the day. The next page was us going out for dinner like we did every Friday night. Page after page it was us laughing and taking silly pictures of each other. This is how I wanted to remember him. This is how he should be remembered.

I warmed the sauce in a pan and plated everything when the noodles were ready. I remembered that Jared had tried to make dinner once and failed miserably so I always took over. I finished looking at the photo's while I ate. I went down a rabbit hole of memories that were happy memories. I was smiling. I was not sad.

I didn't dare sleep in my bed. So I curled up on the couch with the other photo albums and just slept there.

I awoke to my father and mother hovering over me. "Bella, Wake up honey."

"I'm up." I said up the album spilling from my lap.

"Have you been here all night?"

"Yes mom. I didn't have the heart to sleep in my bed yet."

"Let's get you up and in the shower. Today is going to be hard and we are all here for you."

"I know." I said quietly.

I had a pot of coffee brewing before I headed to the shower again. I tried to remember all the good moments as of late between us. It was hard. He was always leaving. I was always alone in the house and that is what I think hurt the most as I stepped out of the shower. He was never here so we could put our house together.

"I miss you."

I wiped the mirror clean with the hand towel. I closed my eyes and dried my hair. When I opened them it was like he was behind me kissing the top of my head. I spun around the towel wrapped around me coming loose. He was not there. I looked back at the mirror and he smiled at me. I reached out and felt nothing but the mirror but he had matched my movement his finger tips resting on the mirror as mine did.

"I miss you too Bella. It's okay. You will be okay. Be strong for me."

I watched him talk to me like he was here. I knew I was imagining it. I knew he was not really here. I turned again just to be sure and when I turned back he was gone. Tears spilled out. "You will be okay. Be strong for me." He had said

Be strong for me.

I am trying Jared. I don't know if I could today. It was like I was going to loose you all over again. "I miss you. I will try to be strong."

I left the bathroom and dressed. I was dressed in black. I returned to the bathroom and just let my hair dry. I hoped I would see him again but I didn't. I put very little makeup on. I didn't need to look more of a mess than I was already.

.~.

We were only in town a few weeks yet the church was packed to the gills. Ninety percent of it was police officers from his divisional office. I stayed with Sam and Emily and didn't wander. The chief of police came to see me to offer condolences. Angela and Ben arrived and stood with me. I greeted who I could before I had to sit. Be strong for me. I kept hearing his voice. I was being strong. I was trying to be okay but it was hard. You were always the strong one.

The service started and I watched the pastor talk with ease. I listened to what he had said to be strong for the living. It echoed what he had told me. I stood to speak but I couldn't move so Sam took my place.

"It's okay Bella. You are allowed to fall apart today."

"No I will be strong for him. Like he asked me to." She looked at me funny.

Sam said such beautiful words about his brother and then he spoke directly at me. I did cry. I was trying to be strong. Trying to do what he asked. When it came time to go I stood and placed a hand on the coffin and cried. Sam stood beside me and did the same and then the whole police force stood at attention as he was carried out of the church. I walked behind as Sam rode in the car with me. Emily was on the other side and I was sandwiched between them.

He was going to be going to the airport tomorrow to fly home where we would have another service there. He didn't want to be cremated. It was not the native way.

.~.

When I finally arrived home I had no more tears to give. My mother stayed in a hotel and dad had to fly back home to prepare for the arrival. Mom and I would follow tomorrow. I was not looking forward to the travel. I honestly didn't know how the soldiers do it. Flying home their friends and family. Sam and Emily would be on a different flight but meet us at the same time at the airport

I packed a small carryon with some items and put it by the door. I was so exhausted from everything I collapsed afterwards in the bed not really realizing where I was.

.~.

Putting Jared in the ground was the hardest day I had ever faced. It probably would be in this life and the next. I had ended up staying a week out in Forks just to tie up loose ends. I couldn't stay in New York. I was a West coast girl. Seattle would be home. I had to be there. I promised Angela I would return often before the wedding. She understood and helped me pack everything back up. I shipped it back to Forks to my dad's house where it would stay in the garage. This place had too many reminders of his death. The west coast had the happy reminders.

"Thank you Angela. I will be back for the wedding stuff. Two weeks."

"I know. I was just so happy you were here and now you're going back."

"Well I will visit. It is just really hard to be here right now."

"I know. After the wedding Ben and I will come visit you."

"Okay I should have my apartment up and going by then."

Things were getting easier and I was being strong. I didn't cry every day anymore. I just daydreamed and stood in the bathroom a lot to see if he would come back. He never did. I guess it was his moment to say goodbye.

The truck picked up the boxes and the furniture I left behind. Sam would sell the house for me. Jared had picked it out and bought it for us. I sold the car when it returned to me. The police chief wished me well and gave me what the other officers had collected to help us get back home. They technically were his brothers.

Sitting at the airport waiting for my flight was hard. I was going home but I knew it would be different. It had been just us for so long. I held my head high as I walked on the plane for the second time in 3 weeks. Be strong he had said. So I was.

I sat in the seat and starred out the window. Watching New York disappear behind me.