AN: It's Tuesday. No later than Wednesday, remember...
I hope you enjoy.
...
Historia
I sit alone in my room, gazing around at those piles of books. I wish I could take every single one, but the captain has strict orders after all: pack light.
I know it's best, but a few home comforts wouldn't hurt, right? I could maybe take one or two books.
So I rise to my feet and head over to a pile, deciding on which books to take. That's when my eyes fall on that copy of 'Her Brave Knight'.
I grimace. That awful book…
It's the reason why the captain and I fell out. I don't even know what it contains — I don't even want to know what it contains.
Yet… why haven't I thrown it out? Could it just be mere curiosity?
Looking left and right, I drop the book casually into my bag and march out the room.
I guess a little curiosity never hurt anyone.
I don't pack much else save for a few necessities, yet still... no time to dwell after all. This is the only way forward now. At least then we may finally find the one who's responsible for all these recent assassinations, and I can be free once again and return to the farm.
But I know that's wishful thinking. Are any of us really free? Especially with a war looming ahead.
I wear my riding gear once again as I enter the front yard. The captain waits with Silver as he secures Erwin's carrier to her saddle.
The cat will be coming with us, which I find odd and strangely out of character for the captain. He seems to have grown attached to the strange cat ever since the night of the attack, but I'm not one to judge.
A stable boy holds Midnight by the reins and I stop, shutting my eyes.
I… I can't believe this is it. I'm actually leaving...
The children stand in a line by the front porch with all the nannies. As painful as it will be, I will say goodbye to every single one of them.
I like to think that we will all see each other again, but this is a dangerous mission the captain and I are embarking on after all. Anything could happen.
I put the dark thoughts aside, trying to remain optimistic. I will see the children again, and I will return.
The captain stands to one side as the children huddle around me. The poor little darlings can't stop crying, begging me not to go, and it takes everything in me not to break down along with them.
"Do you really have to go, Princess Historia?" Thomas cries.
I smile at his use of the word princess. They still insist on calling me that.
"Yes, Thomas. As I said, it's the only way the captain and I can assure your safety."
He nods, dipping his blond head, and I release a shaky sigh. I know he doesn't understand, but it really is the only way. I will not put any of their lives in danger for my own selfish needs.
If you truly love someone, you let them go…
Darn it. I'm just going to make myself cry again.
I hold back tears, glancing briefly at the captain. He gazes at the children with nothing but sadness now and I see those conflicting emotions passing through his eyes. I find grief and I find guilt.
Will he miss the children too? He does seem to have developed a bond with them, especially little Krista.
His gaze flickers over to me next and now he puts on a nonchalant act, trying to look disinterested as usual, but I know better. I saw that glimmer in his eye.
I peer back down at the children and smile, spreading my arms out. "Come on. One more hug wouldn't hurt."
They all run in for a hug, and now they tackle me to the ground like they always do. I get dirt on my pants once again.
We stay that way for a while. The captain waits patiently to one side, letting us all have our moment. After all, it could be our last.
I swallow a hard lump as I rise to my feet. The children still hold on to me.
The captain steps up beside me, his eyes focused on nothing but the horizon now. At least one of us is already looking ahead.
"Come… it's time."
I take a deep, shuddery breath. "All… all right."
We move towards the horses, and my heart sinks to the pits of my stomach as the children sniffle behind me. The nannies comfort them, and I wish I could be the one to dry their tears instead, but move forward we must.
As I said… it's the only way.
A small hand grabs the captain's coat next and now we both turn, gazing down at little Krista.
Her blue eyes shimmer as she looks up at the captain and that all too familiar, sinking sensation returns to my chest.
Why does she have to look so much like a younger version of me? That's the face that I most likely made when my mother left me.
"Pwease… pwease keep Princess H'storia safe from all the bad guys, Cappin' Wevi…"
Captain Levi blinks down at the sweet little girl in shock, and now he seems to choke on his words. I'm not surprised. That adorable voice is enough to melt the hardest of hearts. Even Humanity's Strongest's…
"I… I promise…" he manages to say at last, but there's no mistaking the shine to his eyes.
Krista wiggles her bottom lip, and now her eyes fill with tears as she throws her arms around the captain.
He freezes up like a statue, but then his frozen exterior thaws when she says, "I… I wub you, Cappin' Wevi…"
Levi stammers once again, and now his whole face twists and turns as he resists the small child. He has never looked so at war with himself.
"I… I…"
A few of the nannies mutter awww as they watch cute little Krista, and the poor captain blushes bright red.
As I've said, he hates letting anyone see his soft side, least of all a group of impressionable women who may actually start to think that he's charming.
The other children follow Krista's example, and now they all latch on to him, gripping him tight. Once again his body freezes, but I can see he's slowly melting.
I will let him off. He doesn't have to prove to me that he has a heart. It saw it yesterday in the nursery when he was alone with Tilly. He even hugged her back, saying all those sweet things.
The children give him words of encouragement now.
"We know you can stop the bad guys, Captain Levi!"
"You're the strongest in all the world after all!"
If I'm not mistaken, a small smile forms over the captain's lips, and now he pushes them aside, extracting his sword for one last time.
They squeal in delight.
It's like they're feeding his confidence, and it's a side I've rarely seen before as he brandishes that sword, looking ever the storybook hero. The only thing missing is the shining white smile, but we'll let that one pass.
"You can all count on me, brats. I will bring your princess back to you in one piece. Mark my word."
I widen my eyes. I sure hope I do come back in one piece.
They continue to cheer, and now there are smiles and laughs from all around.
I've never been more thankful to the captain. Despite his rough edges, he really came through for them in the end. He turned their frowns upside down, and to me, that's the true definition of a hero. Not some gallant, beaming knight on a silver charger.
At least I can leave knowing they're happy now.
We start to move off again, but then Thomas blurts, "Tell the princess you love her, Captain!"
"Yeah! Ask her to be your wife!"
"I want to be her bwide maid!" Krista cries.
The captain halts and now we both tense as the children cheer us on. My heart hammers in my throat.
Well, this is awkward…
I hear a few of the nannies giggling by the porch, and I see they've all been gossiping.
I'm not surprised. The children can see it. The nannies can see it. And even the birds can see it as they sing in the treetops.
Levi shuts his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Then he opens them again, and now he's hard and resolute as he marches up to Silver, climbing up onto her saddle.
I do the same with Midnight, and now we're both up on our horses.
The children run down the road after us, and soon their tiny voices disappear with the wind as the captain and I gallop forward.
A tear falls from my eye, despite my best efforts, but I make a vow to myself. I will see their smiling faces again. You mark my word.
Time to fight the bad guys.
…
We finally slow down our pace as we trot side by side along a quiet dirt road.
We must be miles away from the farm by now, yet I keep stealing glances behind my shoulder, hoping to see that familiar roof in the distance.
But all I find are trees and hills.
I sigh, wafting the blonde strand in front of my eyes. Midnight gives a snort, blowing his own forelocks.
"It's all right. You can cry now. I won't judge you."
I flinch, turning towards the captain. He rides casually on Silver's back, his face neutral as he stares at the road ahead.
We haven't spoken since that awkward moment at the farm, and I flush with embarrassment.
I dip my head, hoping to conceal my pinks cheeks with my flyaway strand. "No. I won't cry anymore. I've cried far too much these past few weeks. I'm supposed to be stronger than that. I was a soldier once too after all. I did receive enough head-butts during my Cadet days…"
Levi raises a brow, keeping his eyes on the road. "You mean by twelfth Survey Corps Commander Keith Sadies? Tch, he tried to headbutt me when I first joined the Scouts, but it's fine, Historia. Cry if you must. The children are gone now. So be as pathetic as you need."
I narrow my eyes at his use of the word 'pathetic' then continue. "No. As I said, Captain, I refuse to cry. It shows weakness and I am not weak. I took down a titan bigger than the Colossal after all. Everyone seems to forget that."
"I know. I was there, Your Majesty. That was after you refused my direct order and demanded to be a part of the action. You were just lucky your father popped up on the horizon in time like the giant, steaming nightmare he was."
I smirk. "Why… what would you have done?"
I'm probably one of the only few people in the walls who can challenge him like that. Hange is one of those people. I don't even think Mikasa would dare to be so bold. Maybe where Eren is concerned, but other times she's the perfect subordinate.
Finally, he takes his impassive gaze off the road and stares me dead in the eyes. "I would have personally carted you away myself and threw you off that wall back into Orvud District."
I tighten my lips, looking away from his penetrating eyes. No doubt he's telling the truth. That's exactly what he would have done.
At least someone remembers my brave heroics that day. I'm not a little princess and I can fight. Okay… I may sing to birds every now and then, and I do like baking pies, but that's where the comparisons end.
Besides, Levi likes to clean. That's princess-like behaviour.
I backtrack to what he said a moment ago about the commandant. He will always be the commandant to me, but to Levi, he is the 12th commander of the Survey Corps.
"What was it like back then? When you first joined the Scouts? I'm aware you joined before Wall Maria fell, so I can imagine things were very different. In those days, everyone thought we were a laughing stock."
His piercing eyes fall back on the road, and it's like he's revisiting the memory. "It was the year 844, and yes… things were very different back then."
"844? That's not actually that long ago…"
"It was eight years ago to be exact, Your Majesty. I'd say that was a pretty long time."
I peer away shyly. "I know, but still. Compared to other veteran Corps members, it seems so small. Yet your skills dictate otherwise."
He sighs. "That's because I'm self-taught, but to answer your question earlier about how things were. The Scouts were in dire straits, which was why they recruited me. They were about to be disbanded by some old fossil called Lobov, but good old eyebrows stopped him in the end with some fake documents, and I forget the rest. Honestly, I try to forget that time in my life, so please don't bring it up again."
I widen my eyes. "Oh, sorry…"
Another awkward silence stretches between us, but my ever-curious mind wanders again, and now I go back to the conversation I heard between the captain and Tilly.
He had mentioned two names. Tilly seemed to know who they were, which was why she drew the captain that picture with the doves.
I just can't remember their names… Was it Farrell and Isla? Felix and Isadora?
Suddenly, their names come crashing back, and I blurt them out loud. "Farlan and Isabel. That was their names!"
The captain yanks on Silver's reins and the poor horse gives a shrill whine. My skin pales when he whips his head around, fixing me with that cold death stare. "I told you not to say another word!"
He speaks through his teeth, something he only ever does when he's truly mad, and I know I've overstepped a line. But I persist. I think I ought to know a few things about the man who has sworn to protect my life.
We still act like strangers.
I meet his blazing eyes, and my heart thrums in my chest. He looks as if he wants to cut my limbs off. To be fair, he always looks that way.
"Who were they, Captain? Were they friends of yours when you first joined the Scouts? It's okay… we've all lost someone we care about in that manner. Not everyone survives their first expedition after—"
I'm cut off next as he grabs the reins of my horse, dragging me closer, and now his livid eyes stop inches from my face. "I said not another word…"
We're so close now, I feel his scorching breath prickling my cheeks.
It seems I've struck a nerve — little Levi has once again made an appearance between his burning, grey orbs. But I also find great pain and sadness swirling behind those raging storms, and I give in at last.
He really doesn't want me to know about his past. He's heard mine… so it only seems fair.
But maybe I'm being a little too bold now. At the end of the day, it was my choice to share my story. He has a right to keep his ghosts buried deep away.
It hurts though. The fact that he doesn't trust me enough to share his feelings. He can share them with a small, mute child, but not with me, his queen, and I breathe a heavy sigh.
"Fine… I won't ever speak of it again, Captain."
Satisfied at last, he drops the reins of my horse and moves off again, and another uncomfortable silence befalls us.
I look behind the captain, meeting the blue eyes of Erwin the II through that pet carrier. He gives me that knowing expression, and I have a feeling he's very aware of Levi's past.
He was the one who recruited him into the Scouts after all.
Well, in a past life.
Levi secured him firmly to Silver's saddle, and again I wonder why he decided to bring the cat with us. He's just extra weight after all unless he means to give him back to Hange. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded that the children held on to Erwin a little longer.
"Why did you bring Erwin?"
The captain gives me the side-eye, and that pretty much sets the tone for how this conversation will end.
"Why…? You've got something against cats now, Your Majesty?"
I stumble. "N-no! I love cats, but why did you bring him along with us? I mean… he's a pet…"
"Hange's pet to be exact."
"Yet still… What purpose will he serve us?"
Levi glances briefly behind his shoulder. The unmistakable sounds of a cat licking his you know what follows next, and we both grimace.
Cats really can be disgusting at times.
"Would you think me crazy that I actually think Hange may be on to something? That cat… it really is more than it appears…"
I sharpen my eyes. "I think you mean he, Captain, and… what do you mean exactly?"
He gives me his full attention now, and I can see he's deciding on whether he should tell me. "The… the night of the attack… did you see anything strange in that ghoulish mist?"
I frown in confusion. "No. The mist was thicker and colder than usual, but… nothing out the ordinary."
He blinks, moving his eyes forward again. "Well… never mind. Let's not discuss it again. The cat is coming with us, and that's my final say on the matter."
"Meow."
Captain Levi's expression falls neutral again. "Yeah… you said it, Erwin."
I suppress a giggle, keeping my own eyes ahead now as we travel into the unknown. I still have no idea where he plans to take us. I suspect we will be camping out in the woods. Not the most comfortable way to spend the night, but my heart won't stop racing.
It really is like being on a mission. I feel like a soldier again.
I spot that trail of smoke coming out of the woods ahead of us, and I study it carefully.
It definitely looks like a signal of some sort.
Is it meant for us?
"Who…" I turn to meet the captain. He doesn't look my way, but I spot the small smile curving his lips. I narrow my eyes suspiciously, addressing him more forcefully now. "Captain… what are you hiding?"
He glimpses my way, and the amusement reaches his eyes. "I think you mean who am I hiding… I called in a few reinforcements."
I watch him dumbfounded as my heart thumps in excitement. "What—?"
A familiar voice rings out from the woods ahead. "Sasha! Put the bread back!"
It's Connie.
I gasp. "Is… is that…?"
Before Levi has a chance to respond, another voice echoes back to us. "I… I have no idea what you're talking about... I didn't steal any bread!"
Sasha.
"What the hell's wrong with you, Potato Girl?! You're eating it right in front of us!"
Now Jean.
I gawp at the captain. He chuckles and it lights up his entire face, and it's like our sombre conversation earlier never happened.
"You should see the expression on your face, Your Maj—"
He doesn't get to finish as I gallop forward, eager to see my old friends from the 104th Cadet Corps.
Now it truly is like old times again.
I'm back in the Scouts.
AN: Yay, Squad Levi! I always wished they'd shown more scenes in season three-part one when they all lived in the cottage, playing happy families. They're here for at least the next ten chapters, so I hope you enjoy. I think their arrival spices things up a bit and you'll soon see...
SPOILER... She hasn't featured far enough in this fanfiction yet, but I'm guessing if you've read this far then you're all up to date with the manga, but... may your soul rest in peace, Sasha, and I hope you're eating plenty of bread, meat, all kinds of food up there. Her death still doesn't seem real to me. I reckon when they air it in the anime, it will really become real. I'm not looking forward to it.
I will cry.
The next arc is dedicated to Sasha Blouse/Brauss. She would have already met her beau Nicolo by this point (a perfect, star-crossed romance if I ever saw one).
I saw something at the end of A Choice with No Regrets where Sadies headbutts Levi when he joins the Scouts, but I never got to finish reading it. It was just an extra panel. I do remember seeing it before I logged out but I can't find it anymore now.
Levi is a princess. There, I said it. I will post again Friday.
CartoonPrincessSigningOff
