AN: Alright everyone, I hope you like this chapter as much as I do. Happy Sunday!
By dinner, she had sufficiently stressed herself out, as she was prone to do. She hesitated at the door of her dinning room and hummed slightly before she pushed open the door and walked in. James wasn't there yet, she was both disappointed and relieved.
Mary and Reggie were already in their seats, which surprised Lily a bit. She'd almost expected them to take dinner in their room, rather than join them. She was glad to see them though. She missed Reggie and she liked seeing her friend so happy with the boy she loved.
"Lily, you've got to help me out here," Reggie sighed, pushing stray curls away from his face. "Mary is giving me some guidelines to follow for the party tomorrow, but I think she's lying to me."
"Fair assumption," Lily nodded, grinning at him. Mary scoffed and shook her head.
"I've never told a lie in my life,"
"That means nothing. Your pants are always on fire."
"My pants are always fire."
"Not what I said."
"But it's what you meant to say."
"Not really."
"Really, really."
"Okay, but am I allowed to look princesses in the eye while I talk to them?" Lily snorted at Reggie's question, both because it was a ridiculous question, and because he seemed genuinely distressed.
"Yes, Reggie, You are allowed to-"
"Lily, you're ruining all my fun!" Mary interrupted, Reggie swatted at her arm and Lily laughed at them again.
Then she heard the door open and she turned to see James walk in. She was calm now, having been relaxed by Mary and Reggie's bickering and ridiculousness. So while there were definitely some butterflies in her stomach, they didn't make her feel like she needed to bolt. In fact, they weren't all together unpleasant at all.
He was smiling at her, his hair slightly messier than usual, and he paused to push his glasses up his nose before he pulled back his chair and sat down next to her.
She reached for his hand without thinking about it, but then after she'd done it, she started thinking about it. He was sitting on her right, and she needed that hand to eat. How long did she have to hold his hand now before it wouldn't be weird to pull it away?
He squeezed her hand after a moment and then let go, moving to fill his own plate with food while halting her unnecessarily difficult plans to extract her hand at just the right moment.
Lily pressed her lips together and picked up her fork. She really wished that she could just flip a switch and stop overthinking everything.
She didn't miss the look that Mary shot her. If she wasn't careful, she was going to get another talking to about how she should just shove James up against a wall already and that definitely wouldn't help anything. If Mary said that, then Lily would crack and tell her about the dream she'd had last night, and all the other dirty thoughts she'd been having about James. Though less and less of them were focused on his hair, and more zeroed in on his hands and his mouth. His jaw...
She shoved a large bite of potatoes into her mouth and looked back over at Mary and Reggie, who were luckily too absorbed in one another to notice the flush on Lily's cheeks that had come with her overthinking.
Or perhaps it wasn't because of overthinking, and just because James was right next to her and the flush seemed to find her easily when she was next to him and thinking about certain features of his.
James didn't miss her flushing though, and that seemed worse than Mary noticing.
But then Anita came into the room and Reggie greeted her very enthusiastically and started asking more questions about protocol for the party. Lily found the rhythm of the conversation again, started participating, and the nerves and embarrassment drained out of her once again.
James was rather quiet though. And after about half an hour, he reached over and put his arm around the back of her chair. He wasn't touching her, but she was very much aware that his arm was there. That if she leaned back in her chair, his hand would be brushing up against her hair, or perhaps the base of her neck.
Another five minutes passed, Anita was listing the party guests and letting Reggie know where they were all from and what their titles were. James' hand was on her back now. He had one hand on the table and the other was tracing circles on her back absentmindedly. Or at least it was meant to appear that way, but Lily was fairly sure that he was playing games with her. If she was right, he was trying to see how far he could push things to get her to blush again.
Seeing as how she'd almost blushed with his arm on her chair, the scales weren't really tipped in her favor at the moment. She looked over at him, glaring slightly, but he just smiled at her, looking all innocent.
A few minutes later, she was biting the tip of her tongue as she pretended to listen to what Mary was saying about a hospital, maybe, as James played with the tendrils of her hair. He'd never played with her hair before, so she took this as confirmation that he was very clearly messing with her. And even though she knew he was messing with her, she couldn't focus on anything.
His fingers danced lightly over her back as they twisted and curled her hair, gently, sending goosebumps across her skin. She was just glad that he didn't manage to make her shiver. Because she was quite certain that he wouldn't be the only one to notice.
Dinner didn't last much longer, or maybe it did, Lily's sense of time couldn't really be trusted. She had somehow managed to finish her meal, and then the five of them were bidding one another good night and heading in their separate directions.
James reached for her hand as they stood from the table and Lily let him lead her through the corridors.
If gaining and losing one's nerves could cause motion sickness, Lily would have been very sick by the time they got to his room.
She waited until the door was closed before she rounded on him.
"What the hell was all of that?" She asked, and she knew as soon as his brow went up his forehead, that he was going to feign ignorance.
"What was what?" He was good at looking surprised, she'd give him that. But she wasn't going to fall for it. She was more forthright than he was, that was one mark in her favor. So she crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down until he started to fidget. "It was… reassuring." His hand jumped up to his hair and he turned toward the couch.
He took a few steps and then turned around and walked back over to her without saying anything. He put his hands on her arms and crouched slightly so they were eye to eye. She forgot everything that she'd rehearsed to say while they'd been walking here.
Lily wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with him looking at her like he was. He wasn't saying anything or doing anything, he was just holding her shoulders and looking at her.
Like yesterday, she thought about kissing him. She also considered shoving him away and shouting at him again, but that thought was chased away by more kissing thoughts. She considered it more thoroughly this time. She thought about how nice it would feel to throw her arms around his neck and pull him close to her, to have all the space between them disappear for a few moments. She thought about how soft and warm his lips would feel against hers, and how his hands would feel against her skin.
She was flushing again, and she knew it not only because she could feel the heat leaching out of her cheeks, but she could see the amusement in his eyes.
"You weren't reacting to me like this yesterday." He narrowed his eyes. "Did Mary say something?"
She took a step away from him, though she didn't want to. There was no way in hell that she was going to tell him what changed since yesterday. Besides, she wouldn't be acting this way if he hadn't changed his behavior. Playing with her hair at the dinner table and looking at her like he was. This was entirely his fault.
"No, Mary didn't say anything. And who says that any of this is a reaction to you?"
"Alright, then what's going on with your red cheeks?"
Lily huffed and shrugged. "I don't know! Maybe I'm getting Emma's cold."
"You don't look like you've got a cold."
"You've never seen me with a cold. You don't know that." She clenched and unclenched her hands. She should have thought about how things would turn against her if she called him out for teasing her.
"That's true enough. You might flush a lot when you've got a cold. Or maybe there are other reasons for it." He reached out to brush his thumb over one of her cheeks and she shook her head and took another step back.
"You're the one acting weird." She said, needing to regain control of this conversation quickly or their entire night would be ruined. Because she was certain that if she continued to feel like she was currently feeling, she was going to lash out and ruin the night.
"I'm not acting weird," He shook his head, very nearly rolling his eyes. Lily huffed in frustration.
"I'm a redhead, my cheeks do get red when I have a cold!"
He nodded and mimicked her pose, arms crossing over his chest.
"And are you flushing because you're getting a cold?"
Asking outright was her thing and she thought that it was pretty rude of him to steal it now and use it against her.
She huffed again and almost stomped her foot. "No. I'm not turning red because I'm getting a cold. I'm not getting a cold."
"Alright then." And he didn't ask her anything else. He just acted as though she'd already answered his question, the one he wasn't asking aloud. He walked up to her and reached out with one hand, resting it at the base of her neck and pulling her closer, placing a kiss on her forehead, which was disappointing because that wasn't where she thought he was going to kiss her for a moment, but also a relief because she wouldn't have been happy if he decided to kiss her for the first time while she was unable to find solid footing. "Let's watch something. I'll even go for another Hallmark movie if you want."
He let his hand trail down her arm and he tugged slightly, but let go and walked to the couch before Lily decided if she wanted to follow him or not. Because what the hell happened now? Where the hell were they and what were they supposed to do next?
Even though she was still feeling out of control and even though she had to focus in order to relax the different parts of her body, she eventually let out a breath and felt her shoulders drop slightly. James had already turned on the Hallmark channel and gone back to the beginning of whichever movie was playing by the time she made it to the couch.
She'd lost a lot of her pretenses already, so she didn't bother starting on the opposite side of the couch, or waiting for him to reach out to her.
It took a minute of determination, but she just crawled onto the spot directly next to him and curled up into his side, letting him wrap his arm around her and pull her close.
"Do we still have to wait to talk about it?" He asked, his fingers tracing up and down her arm, over her jumper.
She ground her teeth together and bit her tongue before answering him very honestly, her voice quiet. "I feel very out of control right now. I don't like it." She didn't always have to be in control of everything, she let her gran and Emma herd her about to where they needed her, she let Mary take the lead in different things that they did, but this was different. She'd only been in one real relationship before, and while it had been terrifying and thrilling, she'd never felt like this. Like she was spiraling or falling without anything to hold onto.
And she knew that wasn't true, she knew she could talk to Mary or her gran or even James, but she didn't feel as though she had all the words that she needed because she hadn't figured it all out for herself yet.
"What do you need me to do?"
Lily huffed and slouched further against him and the couch, turning her head so that her forehead rested against his chest. "If I knew that then this wouldn't be much of a problem, would it?"
He gave a huff of a laugh and she felt him shake his head, though her eyes stayed on the tv. "I suppose it wouldn't." He was quiet for a few minutes, probably trying to give her time in which she could relax a bit more. She didn't, but she appreciated that he'd given her a moment. "I'm going to say some stuff," He said, keeping his fingers moving over her arm and his tone quiet, if not light. "And I don't need you to say anything, I'm hoping that it will help you feel more in control. I'm not trying to mess with you like I was at dinner. Okay?"
One of the characters on the screen started singing a Christmas carol and Lily was glad that James didn't make to turn off the tv or turn down the sound. "Okay." She said quietly.
"Okay." He repeated, shifting slightly, but he kept his arm around her and didn't act as though he wanted her to sit up and look at him. She did anyway though, because she wanted to see his face, take in all the little details, be able to see how he was feeling just then. He seemed nervous, which was better than exasperated, she supposed, but she still felt her own heart start to beat faster.
He took a deep breath. "I know that we've been dancing around it, but I just want to state explicitly that I fancy you." Lily had known that; she'd let it cement into her mind yesterday during the parade. It still sent her heart into a tizzy when she heard him say it so confidently. "I also want to say that I didn't expect to." Lily shifted at that. "Because you can't make yourself feel things for people. It's either there or it isn't, and I know how lucky I am to fancy you, because we're getting married. I also know that you don't see it like that."
Lily tried to interrupt him, but he reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'm not done yet." She closed her mouth and pressed her lips together and let him continue. "You said that you needed the expectation to be friendship, and I'm okay with that if that's still what you need right now. Not because that's all I want, or because I've resigned myself to believing that that's all you want, but because I'm not in a hurry here, Lily. Our wedding might be a week away, but that doesn't mean that this still isn't the beginning for us. We don't have to have everything figured out by then. It's not a deadline."
Lily let out a breath and felt her shoulders drop. She felt like she might start crying, but she was definitely relieved by what he'd said. She felt as though she'd just been planted back on the floor, like the room was no longer spinning. He'd made himself an anchor, again. "It's not a deadline." She repeated softly and James smiled at her.
"No. It's not." He still had her hand in his. "I've got the rest of our lives to get you to fall in love with me. And I look forward to it."
Lily took a breath now, sitting up straighter. "Those are very big words."
He was still grinning as he glanced pointedly at the tv and then back at her. "I've a feeling that you have some very big ideas when it comes to romance."
She laughed, and she hadn't been expecting the laugh. She squeezed his hand and leaned closer again, nestling back into his side. "I might."
"You say that you don't have a problem with arguing, but what about conceding? Is that more accurate?"
Lily bit back the, 'it might be' response that would only prove him right. "I don't know which is better, so I don't know how to respond." He laughed and kissed the top of her head.
"I'll put both on the list then." He said against her hair and then pulled back. "Also, I feel fairly confident that I know how to make you blush now."
"Oh fuck off." She muttered. And then in the same breath, "I fancy you too."
She felt his head fall back against the couch. "Of course you tell me to fuck off at the same time you admit you fancy me." She pinched his side. "Ow." Though she hadn't really hurt him. "What if I start pinching back?" He asked, letting go of her hand and moving his hand to her side.
She knew what he was going to do before he did, "Don't." She said, trying to scoot away from him, but he pinched her side, which tickled as he knew it would, and she squealed and tried to move further down the couch again.
"You started this," He reminded her, reaching out to tickle her side again.
"I know, but I'm very ticklish and I miscalculated!" She squealed as he pinched her side again. "Stop it!" She laughed, trying to push his hand away as he got closer to her. She was running out of couch and the nervous energy that came with knowing you're about to be tickled only made her laugh more.
She heard James swear before she heard the latch of the door closing. She pushed herself upright, just managing to avoid hitting her head against James' chin, and spun around to see Arden and Benjy, James' household staff, walking in. "Evening," Arden said, nodding to Lily and then to James. "Ms. Mary might be looking for you." He said to Lily.
"She loves it when you all call her that you know." Lily sighed. "And I doubt she'll look for very long. She's very easily distracted when Reggie is around."
"He is fit," Benjy nodded, and Lily laughed.
"Despite his name and everything," Lily nodded, glancing over at James, who had his brow narrowed at the boys.
"You asked us to come here after dinner?" Arden said and Lily frowned, looking back at them.
"I don't think I did. I haven't seen the two of you in we- You're talking to James." She pressed her lips together and turned toward James again, who now had his hand in his hair and a more prominent glare.
"I did." He said tightly. Lily blushed because of what he wasn't saying. How they should have chosen not to come in when they heard Lily laughing like she'd been.
"Well, we're here," Arden didn't look as though he was sorry at all. He actually looked amused by the whole thing.
"Can you go and retrieve the package that I had delivered yesterday. I'd get it myself if I knew where it was."
Benjy nodded, "Yeah, we'll go and fetch it for you. We'll be back in five minutes." There was a bit more inflection on the last couple words.
Arden, "If that's alright with you, of course."
They were teasing him, and Lily smiled at the lot of them, forgetting to be embarrassed herself.
"Yes, it's alright with me." James said with a tight smile.
"Good, good. We don't want to upset the lordling." Benjy nodded his head and Arden acted as though he were tipping an invisible hat.
"I've miss, you two," Lily grinned, shaking her head as they walked away. "I don't miss you're cooking Arden, but I've miss you."
"Always a pleasure, princess!" Arden called back.
"They were teasing you as well," James reminded her as Benjy winked at her before he closed the door. James reached out and shoved her shoulder lightly. "Or do you not mind when they tease you."
"Not when it was bothering you so much," She shrugged and sat back down, facing the tv again. They'd ended up on nearly opposite sides of the couch again. "Also, they got you to stop tickling me so," She tucked her hands into her lap.
James pressed his lips together. She smiled at him.
"You're not going to ask about what they're going to go and get?"
She hadn't thought to ask, she'd been too distracted by James' disappointed face and the arrival of two friends. "Is it for me?"
"Is that the only way you'll be interested?" He asked, a playful half smile on his face.
"No, but I think it's for me."
He sighed. "I've managed to surprise you once, I'll do it again."
"I mean, I am surprised, in the sense that I didn't know that you had something sent to the castle. Why did you hide it?"
"So that you couldn't find it." He shrugged. "You said that if I hid it, then you'd be able to hunt it down. So, I gave it to Benjy and Arden to hide."
"You got me chocolate?" She asked, her brow going up.
He sighed again. "Just pretend that you're surprised when it gets here."
She laughed and pulled her legs onto the couch, kicking them out so her feet were on James' lap. "If you hadn't brought it up, then I would have been surprised when it got here."
He looked her over for a minute and then he looked at the tv, shaking his head but unwilling to admit that she was right.
Lily looked back at the tv as well. If she hadn't seen every single Hallmark Christmas movie, she'd be lost, but her memory filled in the holes as she watched a man decorate a tree with two young girls, his nieces. "You can put on a movie that you like, if you want."
James looked over at her. "We're not really watching a movie right now, are we?"
"No," Lily tilted her head, "But I'm about to be given food, so I'll be ignoring you when it arrives. If you want to turn on a movie that you'll enjoy, then you'll have something to do."
He let out a breath of laughter. "That's all it takes for you to forget I exist? Chocolate?"
"If you sent for it, I'm sure it's very good chocolate. If that makes you feel any better."
James reached for the remote and started clicking through the tv guide.
Benjy and Arden arrived while he was looking through titles, his hand resting on her shins. She wiggled her toes in excitement as Benjy went to hand James the long white box.
"Just give it to her, she's already figured it all out." He nodded in her direction and Lily held out her hands.
"He was too pleased with himself and accidentally told me." She countered with a large smile. "Thank you!"
"Next time we'll try and be more… receptive." Arden was grinning and Lily watched James as his ears turned red. She pulled her leg back so she could poke him with her toe.
"Thanks," He muttered.
"Evening, Lord Potter. Princess," They both bowed their heads and then they were gone again.
"So, which movie did you pick?"
"You're not going to tease me anymore?"
"No, I'm done for now."
"Because of the chocolate?"
"Yes. Because of the chocolate."
"Maybe because I also made you feel better?"
She shrugged a shoulder as she opened the box. "I'm not going to pretend that it's not entirely because this smells absolutely amazing."
James laughed and rubbed his hand up and down her leg, not going over her knee, but still making Lily entirely aware of exactly where his hands were. She thought it was stupid that her heart started beating faster. And that was before he said, "I can't believe that I get to marry you."
Lily woke up the next morning, still on James' couch.
There was a blanket draped over her, a pillow under her head that smelled like James, she could see her phone on a charger sitting on the coffee table in front of her and the tv was off now. She moved her feet, and noticed that James was no longer sitting at the other end of the couch, which, judging by the grey light coming in through the window, was a good thing. She leaned up a bit and looked around, but she didn't see him anywhere.
She almost called out for him, but when she checked her watch, it told her that it was 4:36 in the morning, and she didn't want to wake him up, wherever he was. She sat up and reached out for her phone. There was a sticky note attached to it.
I didn't want to wake you, both because you looked so peaceful and because I wasn't entirely sure that you wouldn't pinch me if I did. Hope you slept well xx James (not Jim)
She shook her head at the note, feeling entirely too awake for the time that it was. She stood up, straightening her skirt and blouse, which she hadn't changed out of before coming to James' room last night. She should have asked to borrow joggers when she felt herself getting tired. Or she should have gone back to her own room, but she really hadn't wanted to do that.
Now that James wasn't on the couch with her though, she did want to go back to her room and change into something more comfortable, crawl into her bed and sleep in, which she would be able to do since it was Saturday.
She started across the room with her phone in one hand, and her shoes in the other. She paused when she heard the rustling of sheets and looked to her left, finding James shirtless and sprawled out in his own bed.
She gasped.
She'd known that he was fit, she'd seen his arms in action when they played badminton, had felt them on numerous occasions over the last few weeks, but his back was also something glorious to behold. And his bed tousled hair was quite something as well.
She stood there for a moment, staring and wishing that she had the courage to throw caution to the wind and just climb into bed with him. He wouldn't care if she dug through his drawers until she found a pair of comfy pants to wear. And she didn't think he'd mind if she curled up next to him either.
Perhaps he'd even kiss her. Which he hadn't last night. There had been a few points in which she had thought he would, but he hadn't. She wasn't sure how she felt about that overall. She knew that taking it slow was a good idea, she'd been a strong advocate for taking it slow.
But also, she really wanted to snog the bloke.
Apparently, she also wanted to stare at him while he slept, because her feet were not moving her away from this spot. She watched his back rise and fall with his breathes and she tried to work out just why she couldn't seem to make herself do something.
Going to join him in bed was a big thing, and a big thing that she knew she wasn't ready for. But she could have kissed him last night. That wasn't a big thing. People kissed each other all the time. Mary had been telling her to snog James since he showed up at the castle- before he showed up at the castle. She didn't need to wait for him to do it.
She could have kissed him after he said that he couldn't believe that he got to marry her. She'd kept thinking that over and over last night. How she could have set down the box of chocolates, sat up and pushed her way down the couch. How she could have placed her hands on either side of his face and pressed her lips to his.
She had somehow kept from blushing and so James was none the wiser.
She shook her head, deciding that she could figure all this out at a more reasonable hour and that she should leave before she woke James up with the intensity of her stare.
She walked out the door silently, closing it carefully behind her and then she looked back at the door, smiling slightly at the thought of James on the other side and how he'd taken care of her last night when she'd fallen asleep during the stupid movie he'd picked out.
He was a good bloke, and she couldn't believe that she got to marry him.
