*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you so much. I am sorry that it took so long for an update but things have been a bit crazy and I kept starting this chapter over again.*

"You okay?" Joe asks me as we sit at the kitchen table after Amari's appointment taking my hand into his and stroking me with his thumb.

"I don't know," I say looking off in the distance. "That's not the news I wanted to hear today that's for sure," I say.

"I know me either," he says. "But remember it's not up to the doctor to say who lives and who dies."

"I know but what if God decides that it's time for her to go, once God makes up his mind you know there's no point in begging for him to change his mind."

"I know but we have to keep our faith and hope for that miracle," he says.

"Excuse me but I am not all about God and having a lot of faith and hope right now," I say. "If God truly existed he wouldn't have taken my husband from me and he wouldn't have given my daughter cancer and the chemo and radiation had worked if there was actually a God."

"I don't think it's a good idea to doubt the existence of God, Madden," he says, "I know you're upset but you should never doubt the existence of God."

"Then tell me why you lost your wife, and I lost my husband and why my daughter got cancer," I say, "tell me why if God is so good that all these bad things happened?" I say. "If God truly existed none of these bad things would happen."

"Madden, I understand that you're upset and you're allowed to be upset but bad things don't come from God, he doesn't cause bad things to happen, he causes trials that are meant to build our faith in him. I have been where you are, Madden. I was angry at God for the longest time for taking my wife, and allowing her to die and robbing me of a life with her. We had so many plans but we didn't get to live those plans because God took her from me. I was angry too, I was very angry. I don't understand why God took her from me but I learned to understand he had a reason. It is the devil that is making us believe that God causes bad things to happen when in reality only good and perfect gifts come from God, trials happen as a way to build our faith in him, to build our hope and our trust in the Lord. THAT's what God is all about, we went through some trials, when you lost Wyatt and I lost Kate, that was a trial, learning to live without them was a trial, your daughter being diagnosed with cancer that was a trial, all you can do is trust in God and his plan. I don't know what's going to happen, we don't know what's going to happen but what we do know is that God is always there and he will never leave us even in the hard times."

"Joe," I say, "I'm scared."

"I'm scared too," he says.

"She's only 6 years old, what about her dreams and the plans she has for her life? I am scared to lose her. I am scared for her to go to Heaven, she's going to be all alone."

"She won't be all alone," he says, "Wyatt is there and all the angels are there," he says. "She won't be alone."

"She won't have me and I won't have her," I say with tears in my eyes. "And what about Gatsby? How will she survive without her sister, how will I survive without Amari?"

"The same way Gatsby is surviving without her father and the same way you have been surviving without Wyatt. Death ends a life not a relationship. Just because we lose the people we love doesn't mean we stop loving them, and they stop loving us. They love us from afar and no matter where we are they are always there, they are always with us, they're in our minds, in our hearts, they can be the wind that blows, the rain that falls, the sun that shines, the flowers that bloom, the cardinal that comes to sit in a tree, no matter what they are always there maybe not physically but they are there spiritually watching over us, loving us and caring for us like they always have. I know it's hard to think about a life without Amari but I never thought or imagined a life without Kate just like I am sure you never envisioned a life without Wyatt, and what happened after you lost Wyatt, did life stop or did it keep going?"

"It kept going," I say, "it didn't stop, the sun kept coming up each morning, the sun kept setting every night, the next day kept coming, the minutes turned to hours, the hours into days, the days into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years, life kept going without him and I kept missing him but I learned to adjust to life without him as hard as it was, I managed to learn how to live life without him."

"Life does keep going, it doesn't stop and like you said, minutes turned to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. Life doesn't stop when we lose someone it keeps going. If we lose Amari life isn't going to stop going, it's going to keep going, it's going to be hard but we learn to adjust to life without the ones we love. That's the hardest part."

"I know," I agree. "I think we should get married before Amari dies," I suggest.

"In the next month?" he asks.

"Yes, it means a lot to me that she's there to see us get married," I say. "It doesn't have to be a big wedding. It can be a small wedding. It can be you, me, Gatsby and Amari. I don't need to have an extravagant wedding. I just want something small and special."

"I mean if that's what you want," he says, "We can make it happen. We need to get a marriage license and find a place to get married."

"We can get married at the courthouse, it's quick and easy."

"Sounds like a plan to me," he smiles. "And then we can always have a bigger wedding later down the road."

"I'm okay with just a small wedding. I don't need a big wedding down the road unless that's what you want."

"I'm good with whatever you want," he says, "I just want you to be happy."

"Me too, I'm happy as long as Amari gets to be there to see us get married. After all if it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here today."

"I don't know, I think somehow whether Amari needed the bone marrow transplant or not we still would have met somehow or some way," he says. "Fate works that way."

"I guess," I say, "so you're good with getting married in the next few weeks?"

"Of course, we can go get our marriage license and then two weeks later we can get married."

"Sounds like a plan to me," I smile. "I love you, Joe."

"I love you too," he says with a smile. He leans over and kisses my lips softly. "We'll get through this together."

"I know," I say.

TWO DAYS LATER:

Joe and I are sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office for us to have our anatomy scan to find out if the baby is completely healthy and if it cooperates find out the sex of the baby. "Are you excited to find out the sex of the baby?" I ask him.

"I'm just hoping it's healthy that's the number 1 concern for me is that it's healthy."

"Me too but I'm still excited to find out the sex. I hope first and foremost that the baby is healthy but once we find out that it is healthy I hope to find out the sex, it could be quite stubborn. I didn't know that Amari was a girl until the day she was born because every time we had an ultrasound she kept her legs closed and wouldn't let us see if she was a boy or a girl so it was a guessing game the entire pregnancy."

"So she was stubborn even before birth?" he asks.

"She sure was," I smile. "I'm hoping for a little boy this time, I have two girls, I'm ready for a boy."

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, I'm going to love them so much and I am just grateful that God is blessing me with a child. I have waited so long for this and have wanted this for such a long time I am grateful to be able to finally be a father whether it's a boy or a girl."

"You're going to be an amazing father," I say, "You are amazing with Amari and Gatsby, I know that you are going to be just as amazing with our baby."

"Thanks, but I'm scared to be a dad, I'm excited but scared."

"There's nothing to be scared of," I say. "What makes you scared?"

"It's just something I have never done before," he says, "what if I am not as good with my own child as I am with Gatsby and Amari?"

"I've seen you with kids you're amazing, you're great with kids. You're going to be a great father to our baby I promise," I say taking his hand into mine.

"I hope so," he says.

When they call us back they guide us to a room in the hospital, the tech tells me to strip down from the waist down as they are going to do an internal ultrasound. As soon as she leaves the room I strip down out of my clothes and lie on the bed waiting for her to come back.

"Hello, Madden," says the tech as she comes back into the room. "Are you ready?" she asks.

"Yes," I say with a smile.

"And you are interested in finding out the sex of the baby today?" she asks.

"Yes we definitely want to know," I say. "Joe, do you really want to know the sex of the baby today?"

"Absolutely," he says taking my hand into his and linking our fingers together.

"All right, as long as the baby cooperates we should be able to find out the sex today, have you felt the baby move yet?"

"Yes, I feel it move a lot in the evening time," I say, "It is usually pretty calm during the day but after 4pm until about 10 pm it is as active as it can be."

"Sounds like it already has its days and nights mixed up," she laughs, "so I know you were interested in finding out if the baby has a possibility of developing Neuroblastoma."

"Yes," I say nervously, "are you able to do a test to find out?"

"Unfortunately we are not able to do that testing. I wish we were able to but unfortunately we can't."

"All right," I say sadly, I wish I could find out if this baby is at risk for Neuroblastoma that way I could at least be prepared to go through a fight again and not be blindsided like I was with Amari. "Is it hereditary?"

"In most cases it's not, however if one parent has a history of having Neuroblastoma then it is possible for the child to possibly develop it. It starts in the womb, in the nerve cells of the fetus. As the fetus grows these cells often mature and grow normally but in rare cases like Amari they don't mature and then become Neuroblastoma."

"So you're saying these cells never fully matured in Amari and that's how she ended up with Neuroblastoma?"

"Yes," she says, "And the chances of this baby getting it are rare."

"But it could," I say.

"It could but it would be an unlikely scenario. Like I said, if the cells or neuroblasts don't mature with growth then we are looking at a possibility of Neuroblastoma but if they mature with growth then they can't become cancerous."

"I don't like the sound of that, I have gone through hell with my 6 year old and was told that she has a month left to live because her body is immune to the chemotherapy and radiation. And the bone marrow transplants don't work because her body starts to attack the new cells, I don't want to go through this again, I don't want to see another child that I love go through this."

"I understand," she says sympathetically. "I imagine that it's not easy for you as a mother to witness and live through."

"It's not," I say, "and I would rather not live through it again."

"Well, let's just keep hope that your baby is healthy, are you ready?"

"Yes," I say. She helps me get into position for my ultrasound, putting my feet up in the stirrups as she turns on the ultrasound machine. She takes the doppler from the machine and places a condom over it.

"You might feel a little pressure," she says.

"Okay," I say as she inserts the doppler inside of me. I wince at the pressure as she moves it around.

"All right," she says with a smile, "there is the beautiful baby." She points to the screen and our baby's face is there with its thumb in its mouth. "It is sucking its thumb," she says.

"I see that," I say with a smile. "Look, Joe," I say.

"It's beautiful, we created that," he says. He kisses my lips softly.

"And as you can see there is the baby's head," she points out. "And there is its nose."

"The Polynesian gene lives strong again," I say with a smile noticing that this baby has Joe's nose.

"And there is its mouth," she says, "I have never seen lips so profound on an ultrasound before," she says.

"It gets those lips from its dad," I smile. "I'm going to say that this baby is going to look like you, Joe."

"Maybe," he says.

"And there is the baby's arm, and its other arm," she points out, "and a nice strong heartbeat, there's its stomach and there are the legs, and it is in a very good position for me to find out the sex, are you sure you want to know?" she asks.

"Yes," we say together, "we really want to know," I say.

"And there is his penis," she says pointing it out, "it looks like you and Joe are going to have a very healthy baby boy."

"It's a boy!" I say with excitement, "We're having a boy!" I say with a smile.

"It's a boy!" he says with a smile, "and he's healthy. I love you, Madden."

"I love you too," I say with a smile before I kiss his lips softly.

*A/N: what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.