At Last
Zuko groaned and rolled over. His head was bursting. He was getting too old for so much alcohol… How much had he had, anyway? He tried to remember the details of the later hours of last night, but it was all very blurry. He blinked, grateful for the dimness of the room, but frowned when he didn't see Katara next to him. He'd gotten so used to waking up to her comforting presence that this sudden disappearance shocked him. Again he strained his blurry brain. Had she even been there when he fell asleep? He slowly stepped out of the bed, unsteady on his feet. He made his way to the bathroom and rinsed his mouth. A cold splash of water to his face cleared his mind somewhat.
It had been good to hang out with Sokka again. It reminded him how few friends of his own age he had. He had felt truly equal and at ease. With Sokka he didn't have to weigh his every word or put on the wise Fire Lord act. The same could be said for Katara of course, but with Sokka at least there were no confusing feelings, and he could just have uncomplicated fun.
He fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Maybe it was time to finally gather the courage and re-organize the official Fire Lord's bedroom. He couldn't keep acting like Mai's ghost haunted the room. It was no business to sleep in his office, or worse, the guest's room- especially if Katara was leaving. He couldn't keep relying on her support.
The door opened, and the subject of his thoughts entered. She carried a steaming pot of tea and two cups.
"I've never been happier to see you," he groaned.
She chuckled. "How do you feel?"
"Like a komodo rhino ran over me." He took a cup from her hands and she filled it. The bracing heat and strong flavour cleared his mind. Katara sat next to him on the bed. He noticed that she also looked a bit rough around the edges. She sipped her tea quietly.
"I made a decision about Hanabi," he said. Katara put down her cup.
"Oh?"
"I don't want to send her away to school. I had a talk with her before the ceremony, when I gave her the Heir of Fire crown, and I think it's best if she stays here. Not only does she need the comfort and safety of a familiar environment, I also don't want her to associate the palace with tragedy. If she leaves now, she will only look back on it as a place of loss and sadness. But she has to re-learn all of its other aspects. And that counts for me, too."
"But what about her education?"
"Master Piandao has agreed to travel here once a month for training. It's not that far of a journey for him, and he has frequent business in the capital anyways. He might take his top students with him sometimes to train the royal guards, too. Jeong-Jeong is too old to travel much, but that's okay- I figured that a teacher who trained the Avatar is good enough to train my daughter, too."
Katara laughed at his proud face during those last words. "So you'll train her in firebending yourself? That's great! I know what a good teacher you are."
Zuko leaned back on one elbow, his hands around the warm teacup. His headache had lessened and his mind was somewhat clearer now, and the remnants of the alcohol together with the tea made him feel more relaxed than usual.
"You called her Hanabi after those fireworks on your coronation, didn't you?" Katara asked. "I've never seen you look at anything like that afterwards, except for her. Your face was radiating pure joy."
"She's the sun of my life," he said. He looked at her, thoughtful. "I guess that makes you my moon."
She blushed, and lightly pushed against his shoulder. "Don't be silly."
He put his teacup down. "Do you even realize how much I'll miss you?"
She looked at the ground and was silent for a moment. "I guess I made myself quite useful," she said finally.
He pulled her arm to drag her down beside him. She tried to avoid his eyes, but he looked at her intently. "Now you shouldn't be silly. It's not about your usefulness. You're not a secretary. I value what you did for the Council and everything else immensely, but that's not what I'll miss. Other people can do that too. But I will miss you, Katara, the person I love."
"You're not making the goodbye any easier," she said with a weak smile. "Zuko, how can I leave you?"
He rubbed her shoulder. "It's not forever. We each have work to do. But maybe in a few years, when we're both ready, would you... would you consider coming back here, to be a mother to Hanabi, and… a wife to me?"
She pressed her lips together, her eyes aflame, and then burst out in a wide smile.
"Would I? Zuko, of course I would!"
He grinned widely and hugged her close. Their noses touched, and he carefully kissed her. She kissed back with vigour.
After all those months of repressed pining, followed by months of tiptoeing and guilt, it was almost surprising how natural making love felt. Katara's skin was as soft as it had looked, glowing warm in the candlelight in his office late at night. Zuko's caresses were even gentler than what she had imagened when she still slept alone in the guest room. The hangover blurred everything together into a pleasant stream of kisses and touches in the half-dark. A soft "is this okay?", a whispered "ah, yes, I like this," a quiet moan, a giggle. Nothing but skin and lips and hands. It was new and yet it had always been like this. Finally their love was more than a single, secret, stolen kiss or a tearful drunken confession, finally they could openly express all their feelings and desires.
Zuko mumbled I-love-you's into the curls at Katara's temple, as she lay huddled in the curve of his arm. She traced the scar on his chest, the scar that should've been hers. The confusion, the guilt, the grief- everything was at peace now.
"I've never felt so complete," she said, more to herself than to him.
"It's like everything is finally in the right place," he agreed. She looked up at him smiling, and nodded.
"I'll be sad to leave you tomorrow, but now at least I can go without any regrets."
"My only regret is not having this sooner. Not having worked harder to achieve it."
She kissed his forehead. "Don't work yourself up over the past. We are here, now. It's good."
Zuko stood at the docks, looking out over the ships, while a strong north-western wind let the sails bulge and made his coat flap around his legs. The last of his gifts to Kyoshi Island and the Southern Water Tribes were being loaded into the belly of the huge ocean liner moored at the nearest dock. It would take only a week to reach the South Pole.
Katara stood next to him, Hanabi's hand in hers. She was explaining the workings of the ships to her and answering her endless questions. Sokka and Suki came up from the ship, signalling that the loading was done. Hanabi skipped over towards them to ask more questions about sailing.
While Hanabi was distracted, Zuko tugged at Katara's sleeve to take her aside. She was wearing the long-sleeved sky-blue dress that she had arrived in months ago, and carried her parka over her arm. The sea wind would be cold, and back in the South Pole it might already be snowing.
He took her hand and pressed something into it. Cold metal pricked her fingers, and her eyes grew wide at the sight of gold.
"I can't accept this. This is the Fire Lady's crown, I have no right wearing it. "
"I'm not asking you to wear it. I just want to you keep it with you. It's a promise. That as long as I am Fire Lord, no other person will wear it."
She looked at him with smiling eyes. "Then I will treasure it as such."
Hanabi came running back to them and threw her arms around Katara's legs.
"Auntie, uncle Sokka says the ship is going to leave soon!"
"I guess I have to get going then," Katara said. She knelt down to be at the same height as the girl.
"Do your best in training, okay? Work hard. And if your daddy is strict with you, know that it's only because he believes in you."
Hanabi nodded solemly.
"Write me letters when you practice your writing. I'll send you letters, too."
Hanabi's face started to crunch up. She sniffed. "I don't want you to go. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too. But it's not forever! I'll be back." Katara smiled confidently at the girl, although to part from her weighed heavily on her heart, too. She had come here bitter over her childlessness, but had somehow, in between everything else, gained a surrogate daughter. She kissed Hanabi's forehead and ruffled her hair.
"If you nag your daddy enough, maybe he'll take you on a trip to the South Pole," she teased. Zuko groaned as Hanabi's eyes glittered. Katara rose to her feet again, and met Zuko's gaze. They said nothing; everything had already been said. Katara reached out her hand, and Zuko took it. He softly stroked her fingers.
"Write me."
"Of course."
"Now, go. Don't miss the boat."
"I'm sure they'll wait for me," Katara said, but she was interrupted by Sokka, who ran at them and yelled as he crushed Zuko in a hug.
"Bye bye, jerk lord! Don't drown in paperwork. Come to the South Pole soon."
Zuko punched Sokka's upper arm and tried to escape from the hug. "I'll try, okay? Now let me go and leave already!"
Suki also came up to hug Zuko, a lot gentler than Sokka.
"Seriously, don't overwork yourself," she said. "Or we'll come back here to drag you away ourselves."
"Please do," he laughed. Then he turned back to Katara. His eyes caught the light of the afternoon sun and burned a deep gold.
"Safe travels. See you soon," he smiled.
"Yeah, see you soon," she smiled back. Then the blue-clad group crossed the gangway, and Zuko hoisted Hanabi onto his hip. Together they waved until the ship was out of the harbour.
