CW: Self-harm mention.

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Gavin was taken aback. No. There's no fucking way she just asked that shit of me. Is she fucking insane!? I give one idea she likes and she asks me to lead everything! Honestly, what the fuck was she thinking.

"Lillian, with all due respect, what in the actual fuck?" Gavin asked, his eyes widened as he stared at her with disbelief. "I am no leader! You didn't even discuss this with me! I… What? What was the logic behind any of this?"

"You know we need a leader," she replied.

Gavin slowly felt his face flush red due to embarrassment. He hated this whole situation. "You are clearly good enough! Just- ugh, I don't need to deal with this. Lillian, Verum - please get your shit together. I didn't risk my life escaping a place of horrors just to be launched into a leadership role of what's barely a society. I didn't need to be put on the spot like this in front of everyone!"

"We need someon-"

"Someone to lead, yeah, whatever. If it makes you feel any better, I'll think about it. Now drop it."

After he spoke, he got off the small stage and shouldered his way through the crowd. All eyes were on him. Gavin felt a smoldering rage rise in him, but he bit back any more words that would only ensure that he's in deep shit. As he quickly walked by everyone, Nines stood in front of Gavin.

Nines opened his mouth to speak, and Gavin responded by taking his hand and continuing moving forward. The room was silent. This was so fucking embarrasing! He led Nines who was silently following Gavin to their bedroom. As soon as they were inside, Gavin locked the door behind them and groaned loudly as he slid down the door.

"Ugh, why did she have to ask me there in front of everyone!?" he asked with irritation.

Nines sat down on the floor next to Gavin. Without looking at him, Nines entwined his fingers with Gavin's and held his hand. "Perhaps she figured you would accept in that environment, or she was expecting people to react after the previous proposition."

"Perhaps," Gavin mumbled.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. No. Maybe. Fuck, I don't know!" Gavin pulled his hand away from Nines' and put his head in his hands. "I just want a normal life. I am not anything or anyone special!"

"You're special to me," Nines said. "But I understand what you're saying. Gavin, things will become better. Your life will come by, and you can leave all your troubles in the past. This is one of many experiences that will impact you negatively, but you will be able to move past this."

"This, yeah, this was just straight up embarrassing," Gavin said. "I'll probably think about it in eight years time when I'm laying in bed not able to get to sleep. If we're suddenly talking about my other trauma, well, I don't think I'll be able to let go anytime soon."

"As soon as we find a therapist, I am making you see them," Nines said.

"What!? No!" Gavin protested. "I don't need to see a shrink, I'll be fine. I'll just deal with it how I always have."

"Which is…?"

"Just trying to ignore it until it gets so bottled up that I have a meltdown or a breakdown."

"Gavin, that isn't healthy," Nines said with concern.

"Okay. Wanna be gay?"

Nines didn't give a verbal response. Instead, he scooped Gavin up with no effort and carried him to their bed. Nines set him down and then lay down next to him. Gavin quickly moved closer to Nines, resting his head on his shoulder just above his armpit. Nines put his arms around Gavin's back and pulled him closer.

"I love you, fuckhead," Gavin said endearingly.

"I love you too, Gavin."

"Cool." Gavin closed his eyes and put his hand across Nines' chest. He then titled his head upwards, starting to press little kisses against Nines' neck. Nines craned his head to look down at Gavin inquisitively.

"What are you doing, baby?" Nines asked

"It's okay. No horny involved."

Nines raised an eyebrow.

"... Okay. Some horny involved."

"It's too early, sweetie," Nines said. He gave Gavin a kiss on the forehead. "Besides, you are a hard bottom. You trying to make the advancements is just amusing."

"Shut the fuck up," Gavin said. He entangled his legs with Nines' and buried his face in his chest. "Being gay with you is cool 'cause you're my boyfriend and shit."

"Is there anyone you have uncool gay with?" Nines asked jokingly.

"Your mom."

"Thanks."

"I- what!?" Gavin raised his head and looked up at Nines. "You… Go die."

Nines moved his hands so they were settled on Gavin's hips. He held eye contact, his icy blue eyes melting with warmth, and ran his hands up and down Gavin's sides. "I'd rather not."

Gavin felt himself melting. "I-I…" he stammered uselessly.

"You okay, sweetie?" Nines innocently asked.

Gavin groaned loudly, slamming his head into Nines' chest. "You're too hooot!" he complained, his voice only a little muffled. "Fuck you and your sexy!"

"You already fuck me 'and my sexy'," Nines said.

Gavin looked up at him yet again. "I hate you."

"Mhm. That is why we are cuddling. This is such a form of hatred," Nines said with the tiniest hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Here's a concept: we spend the rest of the day like this and forget that anyone else exists," Gavin said. "How do you feel?"

"I agree with that concept. Let's go ahead with it," Nines accepted."

"Cool." Gavin closed his eyes and Nines pulled him closer. He felt one hand leave his back, and Gavin opened his eyes to see what was happening, and saw Nines pulling their blanket up over them. Gavin closed his eyes again, enjoying some silent time alone with Nines.

Later on during the day, once Gavin had had his dinner, he and Nines were playing Connect Four. Nines kept on winning, and every time, Gavin got a bit more annoyed which amused Nines. After Nines won the game six consecutive times, Gavin told him to piss himself and quit playing.

After reconciling, Gavin went to one of the bathrooms and took a shower, bringing Nines with him as he was waterproof. Nines helped Gavin wash his body, washing most of him except for a certain area. Once Gavin was clean, Nines carefully took his hand and looked at the scars on his arm with a saddened look on his face.

"None of them are recent, don't worry," Gavin said.

"I know," Nines replied. "I just wanted to check." He lifted Gavin's arm and planted a kiss as soft as a feather against the botched skin. "I'm proud of you, Gavin. How many days or weeks are you clean?"

"Uh… I'd say about three weeks maybe?" Gavin estimated.

Nines nodded and let go of his lover's hand. The pair finished their shower and got out, getting dried and dressed into the pyjamas that they had chosen. Nines and Gavin then went to bed, where they lay down and talked about random things for about an hour before Gavin fell asleep.

The next day, at midday, Gavin helped Lillian pick out the patrols of people slipping out into society. Neither of them acknowledged what had happened at the announcement, and it was probably the best that it stayed that way - at least until they could talk in private.

"I'm just making sure that you realise, if we do bring back some new members, you and Nines will have to share a room with Hank and Connor," Lillian said.

"Yeah," Gavin replied. Honestly, he didn't even think about that, but it wouldn't be the first time that he had shared with them. He heaved a sigh as he looked at the little groups of two to four people, made mostly of humans with a few androids thrown in the mix. They were all talking quietly among themselves, and at least one person of every group was carrying a bag.

Everyone said their goodbyes to the patrols as they filed out one by one. But not all of them had left yet. Gavin asked Lillian about it, and she replied that they needed to carefully space the time between each patrol so that there wasn't just a mass of new figures entering the society.

"Smart," Gavin said after she had explained. "I wouldn't have thought about doing something like that. See, Lillian? You're smart, not me." He pointed to his head. "This bitch empty. I should not be a leader of any sort."

"I understand," she replied with a nod. "I should have asked you before asking something so big of you in front of everyone like that."

Gavin bit back a disdainful remark and instead responded with a tentative nod. "Right. Well, bye."

Wanting to escape the overly awkward situation, Gavin gave another nod and scurried away to find Nines, who was talking with Connor near a corner of the room. Gavin approached them and practically flung himself at Nines, who stumbled backwards as he was caught off guard, but didn't fall. Nines caught Gavin in his arms.

"That was a speedy entrance," Nines commented after a swift recovery from Gavin's launch.

"It's because I'm gay."

"You say that so regularly," Connor mused.

"You're a straightie, you wouldn't understand," Gavin said.

"I never said I was straight," Connor replied, his LED flickering yellow.

"Oh. Oh. Okay, my bad," Gavin said. "So Connor, are you crushing on anyone?"

"I will not be disclosing that information," Connor replied.

"Aww, are you sure Con?"

"Yes. I am asexual and I believe I may also be aromantic, or biromantic. One of those two options."

Oh. Oops.

"Oh, okay, either way you are not straight. I guess for you it's nerf or nothing."

Nines looked amused while Connor looked innocently confused. It was clear that only one of the two had been doing their meme homework. I am so proud of Nines, Gavin thought with a little smile. He is slowly becoming a mix of a living meme machine, a stone cold man-bitch, and a big gay. A lot of those things come from my influence, I think.

Gavin was about to playfully taunt Connor about his severe lack of meme knowledge when Hank walked up to the group.

"Hey Hank," Gavin greeted.

"I'm going to see Eloise," Hank said, ignoring Gavin's greeting. "See how she's going. You three should come with me."

Gavin was about to mock Hank when Nines slapped a hand over his mouth. Nines knows. Gavin let out a scoff that was muffled by his boyfriend's palm. Gavin refused to be silenced, so he protested in the form of a hearty bite of Nines' hand. Nines' eyes fkew wide open with surprise as he quickly retracted his hand.

"We should go to see Eloise now," Nines said, not addressing the fact that he was just bitten by his boyfriend. It wouldn't be the first time, but where they were standing plus the given context is not a situation Nines ever assumed he would be literally bitten. He accepted it as a part of reality - he moved his hand in front of Gavin's mouth, and Gavin can be unpredictable.

To Nines, Gavin was an enigma. When placed in a situation in which you think Gavin will do one thing, he will go and do something completely different. Just when Nines thought he had Gavin figured out, he would be and do differently. Gavin was the first person to officially confuse and surprise Nines' otherwise highly intelligent coding and thought system.

And, minus the android mumbo jumbo, Gavin thought the same about Nines.

"Yes, we should," Hank said, slicing through Nines' momentary contemplation. The group of four walked towards the long hallway, where Gavin instinctively pressed up against Nines. Nines held onto Gavin's hand and gave it a squeeze. Just like last time, the entire group was on edge from their surroundings.

"I don't like it here," Gavin said quietly to Nines. "You know that already."

"I know. Gavin, baby, it's okay. I don't like it either, but it'll be over soon."

Gavin's lips formed a small smile. He was glad that Nines wasn't invalidating him.

When they went down the stairs and into the lab, the group instantly approached the area where Eloise was being healed. There they saw Amy, who was focusing on a clipboard she was writing on. Hank walked over to her quickly.

"How's Eloise?" Hank asked sharply. Gavin wasn't sure whether it was more of a question or a demand for knowledge. Hank glanced over to Eloise's bed, where she was covered over with a white sheet.

"We are trying our best," Amy said.

"Well, how the fuck am I even supposed to know that you're a legit android doctor scientist or whatever anyway?"

Amy looked at Hank with little patience. "I was trained a few years ago, and I was taught everything there is to know about helping, healing and fixing androids. They're much more simple to take care of than humans."

"And?" Hank pressed.

Amy rolled her eyes. "My training was done by Elijah Kamski himself," she replied.

Elijah Kamski.

That name pierced Gavin like a spear.

"Elijah fucking Kamski," Gavin mumbled, covering up the fact that even the mention of him pained him. "I wonder where he is now."

Nines and Connor exchanged a glance, as Amy asked, "You don't know?"

"Know what?" Gavin asked. He looked at the two androids, who suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Know what!?"

"There's something we haven't told you," Connor began.

"It is due to your past connections, and we knew you would not take this well," Nines added.

"Well, spit it out then," Gavin replied, his patience for these idiots already wearing thin. The hell are they hiding from me!? He thought, furrowing his eyebrows as he waited for an explanation.

Connor and Nines exchanged another glance, and they seemed to have a silent conversation. A silent exchange of knowledge, a bond that Gavin will never know about. Connor dipped his head and shuffled a few centimetres backwards, leaving the floor to Nines.

"You know Elijah Kamski," Nines began.

"Of course I do," Gavin said flatly. "He's my fuckhead of a brother."

"Well, I'm not sure if you've ever stopped to reflect on this subject, but… He's still alive."

Gavin didn't like where this was going.. "He's… Go on."

"Elijah works closely alongside Markus. Markus still leads the deviants - therefore, all of the android society - and basically promised Elijah a long life of luxury if he agreed to work alongside him, even with Elijah knowing completely what Markus' plans were. Now, I don't know why-"

Gavin's heart was chilled, and his veins were coursing with unadulterated loathing. He clenched his fists and grit his teeth, and his nose flared with anger. "That fucking bastard." His voice was dangerously low and cold. "That fucking bastard doomed us all for a nice fucking life! He's a heartless prick!" he screeched out with rage.

Amy stepped in front of Gavin. "Sir, you need to calm dow-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Gavin screamed at the doctor.

"Gavin," Nines said, putting his hands on Gavin's shoulders and looking into his eyes. "Let's go back to our room, okay?"

"No!" Gavin said, ripping away from his boyfriend's grip.

"I told you he'd react this way," Connor said quietly.

"Gavin, quit acting like a child who got his candy removed. You need to calm down or remove yourself from this room where you can break something valuable," Nines said. "You are acting like a spoilt brat."

"I am fucking not!"

"You are, you idiot!" Hank yelled at Gavin. "Stop yelling at everyone and get out of here, we don't want you!"

"You have to calm down," Connor said, with Amy nodding with agreement.

This made Gavin completely furious. He grabbed something made of glass from a nearby shelf and threw it at Hank. A shocked Hank scattered, and the object shattered right where he was standing. Hank's jaw was gaping.

"Gavin, what are you doing!?" Nines gasped, standing behind Gavin and grabbing his arms to force them behind his back. "You're out of control!"

This is the doings of the rage that Elijah makes Gavin feel.

"Fuck off!" Gavin yelled. He craned his neck backwards and spat in Nines' face.

Nines picked up Gavin and stomped towards the entrance of the lab, and all the while, Gavin was writhing and protesting in his arms. If Gavin was there any longer, Hank would have punched him in the face. Connor apologised profusely to Amy and everyone else in the lab who were awkwardly watching the entire time.

As soon as they left the hallway, Gavin fell silent. He didn't want to draw any attention to himself, but he was still silently seething with rage. He was like an overfilled balloon, close to bursting, except for a second time.

As soon as they reached their room, Nines closed the door and dropped Gavin like a sack of bricks.

"What the hell was that!?" Nines demanded.

Gavin stood up and took a deep breath. "Nines, I… I'm sorry. Knowing that Elijah is out there, okay, living in luxury for the exchange of literally every other human… I hate him, so fucking much."

Nines' eyes softened. "I understand." He set his hands on Gavin's hips. "But you threw a tantrum, and you tried to harm Hank. That is not okay."

"I know, I, ugh! Everything is dumb and stupid," Gavin groaned.

Nines softly combed his fingers through Gavin's hair. "We have to work on this, okay? You have to stop with these outbursts of anger."

Gavin nodded. He hated feeling small - it was like he never grew up. But Gavin was forced to grow up too soon. "I'll apologise to Hank later."

"Good choice. I love you, baby boy," Nines said before kissing Gavin's forehead.

That nickname made him feel giddy. "Yeah, I love you too."

The next day, Gavin apologised to Hank, who was annoyed but accepted the apology anyway. Gavin, Nines, and Lillian saw two more patrols off on a mission to bring back humans and helpful androids. Gavin even did some chores in the lab to help make up for breaking something.

In the mid afternoon, Nines and Gavin were cuddling. Gavin remembered that he had a phone now and was listening to music through his earplugs, and he was humming lazily along to the tune. Nines was running his fingers through Gavin's hair and giving him a soft look which held some curiosity as well. This is something Nines has done before, but it always made Gavin's heart glow.

Then, Nines' arm jolted. Surprised, Gavin looked up at him and removed his earplugs. "The fuck?"

Nines trained his stare right at Gavin. "Gavin. You need to leave. Now."

"Bitch, the fu-"

"Go now!"

A very confused Gavin scrambled off of the bed. "Nines, what's happening!"

"Leave, for fuck's sake, leave!"

Gavin nodded and quickly left the room with Nines close behind. Gavin closed the door behind him. Gavin waited at the door for Nines to say something, anything.

He heard the sounds of strange machinery, and Nines repeating something to himself in a robotic voice:

"Kill Gavin Reed and anyone associated with him."

Gavin felt his heart drop.

Nines was somehow reverting back to the times when he'd have his outbursts of whatever the hell was injected into his coding. He heard some mechanical whirring, then a cry that absolutely broke Gavin's heart.

"No, no, I can't become this again! I don't want to hurt anyone else!"

Gavin felt his eyes tear up. He wanted to help his boyfriend so desperately. He was scared that this version of Nines was back, but he wanted to help him as much as he could. Gavin waited and waited outside of the door until Nines opened the door.

He's been crying…

Gavin went into their room and pulled Nines into a tight hug. "Nines, Nines, oh my fuck… Are you okay?"

"It happened again, Gavin, I thought it would stop happening." Nines sounded like he was trying desperately not to cry. "I'm a monster."

Nines buried his face in Gavin's shoulder and sobbed helplessly. Gavin felt his heart completely shatter. He rubbed Nines' back.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm right here…"

Gavin hugged him for a few more moments before pulling away and leading him to bed. They sat down, and Gavin rubbed Nines' back. "Nines, it's okay, I promise. I'm here. You didn't hurt anyone."

"I know, but Gavin, I'm so scared."

Gavin could barely hold eye contact. "I know, baby, I know. How about we go speak to Amy, hmm? She could be able to help us."

Nines nodded and wiped his face so there was no residue of his synthetic tears.

"I can't help you," is what Amy said when Gavin took Nines to her.

"Why the hell not!?"

"Not even I know how," Amy said. "Only Elijah Kamski can."

Elijah fucking Kamski. Because who else would it be!?

Gavin turned to Nines, looking seriously. "We're going to see him.

Nines' eyes widened with surprise. "Wait, Gavin, are you su-"

"Yes I'm fucking sure. Anything to make you better. Nines, tomorrow we are going to go on a journey to see my brother."

I sincerely apologise about how much the chapter is lacking towards the end! Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter.