DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. I am the fog on your window pane when it snows; the mist that gets thrown by waterfalls when it surges into the pool below; the odd silver shimmer you see in your peripheral vision on the verge of shifting from waking reality to the peace of sleep.
As I've mentioned in a previous note, every once in a while I am unable to hold my tongue and must insert an opinion directly to smeyer while writing. A notable quotable that really sums up my current state of mind from this chapter was; " smeyer PLEASE fight me."
I have a few things to say, so if you don't like long author's notes, start scrollin'.
For Poppy, who has been reviewing since the beginning with such incredibly supportive comments; I'm indebted to you beyond belief. I'm currently in the process of re-writing Eclipse and it's been such a heartache, but your thoughts gave me a much needed laugh. And no, I'm not Shrek (I don't own him, either.)
Everyone else who has been commenting and reviewing; you are in my heart, and in my thoughts, and I am so incredibly grateful to you for reading and reviewing and all the wonderful things you do. I'm not the sappy type, but at this point you could probably tap me for syrup with all the mushy feelings I have for y'all.
In other news, I'm so tired. But what's new. I'm in the final stretch of nursing school; the NCLEX is coming up in May, and I'm going to try and upload a few more chapters between then and now, but the fact is I have to focus on real life every now and then. (Tragic, I know.)
If you have any thoughts/exclamations/prophetic visions/incoherent rambling/general tomfoolery, I'd love to hear it. Leave a review and I will get back to you. I hope you enjoy this chapter; it's a lot of fluff, and it was really fun to write. There's a lot of explaining and some things from canon(ugh) but I hope you don't hate me for it. Sometimes stories just do not work without a little heartbreak. Shrug emoji.
XXI
The next day was Saturday, and a pretty one at that. The sun peeked through the sparse clouds in golden beams of light, stretching tenderly down to kiss the earth. Billy woke me up when he needed a ride to Sue's place, so I stretched and groaned, muttering something about needing to talk to Bella. He rolled down the hallway with a sigh, but I fell back to sleep before he was out of sight. It felt like seconds later he was back, saying Charlie was coming to Sue's, too, and bringing Bella. I jumped out of bed as my father chuckled.
When we got there, Charlie and Sue were mourning at the table while Bella stood behind Charlie with her hands resting on his shoulders. When I saw her, I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear and take one of her hands in mine.
"Hey, Bells."
"Hey, Jake."
"How ya' doin', son?" Charlie asked gruffly, eyeing the hand intertwined with his daughter's fingers. Bella blushed and started to pull away, but I gripped her hand tighter.
"Sad about Harry," I responded, though standing next to Bella had really improved my view of the situation – somehow, no matter what was happening, whenever we were together all was right in the world.
Charlie seemed to notice how very not sad I was and huffed, turning back around to the papers on the table. The adults continued their funeral preparations while I pulled Bella out the front door, my feet heading towards the beach without deciding to.
"Are you ever going to let go of my hand?" Bella asked sarcastically while I pulled her along with me towards the shoreline.
"No, I think I'll keep it," I joked, pulling our intertwined hands up to rest against my chest and covering them with my other hand. She laughed nervously, a pink blush coloring her cheeks.
Subconsciously, my arm tightened. She leaned into my side as we walked in charged silence, passing over the way to our twisted driftwood log.
We sat in silence for another moment, studying the water. I knew our thoughts were on the same wavelength when she looked up at me and said, " Jake, about last night –"
"Good, wasn't it?" I interrupted, raising my eyebrows and grinning.
She rolled her eyes. "What I meant to say is… Well, I've given it a lot of thought, and… I-I can't live without you, Jacob. I know it's cruel, because I can't love you as much as you love me," her chocolate eyes met mine, melting me into a puddle of goo on the sand. "You know I love you. More than anyone else. But how can I let you love me back, when I know I'll always be broken? You deserve more."
"I don't want anything more," I responded, taking both of her hands in mine and holding them against my chest. "You're more than I could ever ask for. We're perfect for each other, don't you see? You're freezing all the time," I remarked as she shivered, trying to diffuse the sudden tension with humor, "and I'm a walking furnace."
Bella laughed nervously, eyes running down my chest and back up to my eyes. She was always so obvious when she checked me out, I could only smile wistfully down at her, wishing she could see how I saw her.
Because I felt the same way, 'cept I was a lot more discreet with my ogling.
"I love you, Bella," I said, searching her eyes for the cringe that usually followed, but she continued to look back, her unflinching, molten eyes torn.
"I love you, Jacob," she gasped, as if realizing it for the first time. Her eyes flashed with intuition, and her eyebrows raised in surprise. "I love you even though I'm broken, and even though I don't deserve you, I want you. I have a confession," She held her fingers up to my lips when I tried to interrupt. "Please, you have to know the truth," she pleaded, moving her hands so her palms kissed both my cheeks. "I've found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid, like riding the bike… I could remember him more clearly. I could remember how his voice sounded when he was angry. I could hear it, like he was standing right next to me. You know how I try not to think about him, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like he was protecting me again. Like he didn't want me to be hurt."
Bella scowled. "That night, when he… left," she swallowed hard before saying the word, her hands twitching towards her chest. "He made me promise not to do anything reckless or stupid. For Charlie's sake, of course." She scowled down at our feet, close together in the sand. "I wanted to break a promise to him, after he broke all of his. But I got addicted to his voice, because it made me feel… worthy, I guess. Cared for. Someone who can be loved.
"But when I look at you…" She stared back up at me, almost in awe. "Whenever you're around, it's like I'm a whole person again, and sometimes it's enough to make me think I could make you happy."
Acting out of instinct – or shock, I couldn't really tell – I took Bella's face in both of my hands and leaned down until we were eye-to-eye.
"You are worthy of love, Bella." I whispered, and she leaned in closer when my warm breath hit her face. "Even if you weren't, I would still love you, because it's what you need. I'm made for you, don't you see? I've always been what you needed – your own personal sun," my joking tone was marred by the edge of hysteria. "I have a confession, too."
"What could you possibly need to confess to me?" She asked, her voice muffled from my fierce grip on her jaw. I tried to relax the muscles in my hand, remembering how delicate she was. "I just admitted I'm insane. You're not going to have me committed?"
I grinned and let loose a throaty belly laugh that bounced off the crags bordering the sea and reverberated back to us in echoes.
"I hear voices in my head, too, remember?" I reminded her. "But it's not about that. It's about us."
I waited for her to say something, but her incredulous eyes continued to stare at me with some unrecognizable emotion. Relief? Maybe. She must have been pretty nervous to tell me about her memories of the bloodsucker, but I didn't let him stop me now. I was so happy that she had finally admitted her feelings that I didn't worry myself about any hallucinations. Besides, I already knew she was crazy. Her questionable sanity wasn't exactly news.
I took my hands from her face, balling them up at my sides.
"Well, you see… Sam thinks it's possible that I may have… imprinted on you." I managed to get the words out, but I couldn't look her in the eye as I said them.
"Imprinted?" Bella's voice revealed her surprise and confusion. "Isn't that what baby ducks do with their mother? Because she's the first thing they see after hatching, right?" She grabbed my hands, still clenched into fists, trying to divert my attention from the multi-colored rocks bordering the beach.
"What does that have to do with wolves?" She asked, still trying to get me to look at her.
"It happened to Sam when he met Emily. Broke Leah's heart, but he had no choice. The moment he saw her…" I trailed off, trying to find the right words to describe such an indescribable feeling. "It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother."
I looked up after a moment of silence, but her face was completely blank. I wondered if maybe I finally broke her.
"Bella –" I began, but she interrupted as if she didn't hear me.
"You imprinted on me?" She asked, her eyes melting and spouting out from the fringe of lashes beneath them.
"I think so," I said, brushing the tears away with my thumbs. "It's different for us, though – for Sam it was a complete one-eighty. It wasn't as obvious for me, because I already loved you. You were already the most important thing to me." The wind blew her hair out of place, and I tucked it back behind her ear. "And when I saw you for the first time after shifting, you were in danger. I didn't even have time to savor seeing you again, because we had to get rid of the bloodsucker. But I felt the pull. It was like I was holding one end of a rubber band and you were holding the other, and I kept waiting for it to snap. The anxiety was constant. It hurt to be away from you, and I hated breaking my promise. I drove the guys crazy," I added, huffing out a breath of relief. It felt good to tell her all the things that had been weighing me down.
She listened with rapture. When I was done explaining, her features seemed dreamy and distant, though she didn't take her eyes off me. The tears had stopped, but her eyes were still wet and red. I brushed her cheekbone again to try and bring her thoughts back down to the present moment.
"Bella, honey?" I asked softly, and she blinked like I had woken her up from a dream.
"How long does an imprint last?" She asked, her eyebrows coming together and forming a crease on her forehead. I smoothed it out with my thumb, and she sighed.
"Forever," I promised, understanding the real question. She wanted to know if I would ever leave her like the leeches had.
"Really?" Her voice was hesitant, with an undercurrent of hope.
"C'mon, Bells, you can handle vampires and werewolves being real, but the possibility of soulmates is hard to believe?"
A bitter-sweet smile broke across her face. It grew and reached her eyes when my lips turned up into my old grin, the kind of grin that was totally devoid of any werewolf angst – the kind reserved for her.
"Is that what we are?" She asked in a shy voice.
I leaned down to press my lips to hers gently, but once we got started, it was hard to stop. My hand gripped her waist frantically, our lips moving together in new ways I didn't expect. When we pulled away, gasping for air, my hands had ducked under her shirt and climbed up her back, and her fingers were twisted up in my hair, the rubber band falling out in the process.
"Yes," I answered her question breathlessly, my lips brushing against hers as I spoke. Another shiver, unrelated to temperature, quivered up her spine.
I grinned, feeling lighter than I ever had. If she wasn't holding me there, her fingers tight on the roots of my hair, I might have flown away.
But her past was waiting in the wings, ready to ruin the moment. "Jake… I'm not sure if I can be with you like that. Not yet, at least." She rested her hands over my thrumming heart, pushing away to stare up at me. "I love you, even without this imprint thing, but I thought I'd already found my soulmate, and when he left… It very nearly killed me. I don't know if I can survive it again."
"I'm not like him, Bella." I insisted, fists shaking as I tried to control the anger flaring up. "I would never hurt you. He was all wrong for you, but I was literally made for you. And I'll prove it." I leaned down to kiss her again, but she pulled away, so I stood upright rigidly, dropping my hands from her side.
She stepped forward immediately, reaching out and resting her hands back on my shoulders.
"Jake, I'm not saying 'no,' I'm just saying, 'not yet,'" she got up on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to the hollow beneath my throat.
I huffed, placing my hands on her forearms with a shrug. "I guess I tend to rush into things. But can you blame me? I'm still human, after all."
Bella laughed in a casual, care-free way, the same way she used to when we were sitting in my garage drinking warm sodas. It made me feel even lighter, like flying through the woods as a wolf, going so fast my paws hardly touched the ground.
"I don't blame you, Jake," she assured me. "Since I'm the older one, I should know better than to let you grope me on a public beach."
My face got hot. I hadn't meant to let my hands get ahead of my thoughts, but I didn't regret it. Her skin was smooth, soft, like velvet beneath my fingertips.
"I thought we had decided I was middle-aged," I retorted.
"You're sixteen. And I'm eighteen. I don't even think that's legal," she said, a smile still playing around the edges of her lips. Her soft, full lips…
I jerked myself out of it because I wanted to combat any misgivings she might have about my age more than I needed to be close to her. "The age of consent in Washington is sixteen."
She looked down at her feet, but I could see the tips of her ears turn red. "Thing is, Jake…" She trailed off, tapping a piece of driftwood with the tip of her tennis shoe. "I've never… been that close… to anyone before." She cringed, as if admitting a huge flaw.
I sighed in relief. I had been worried about her expectations in the sex department, since the bloodsuckers were all so ridiculously hot. It was nice to know she wasn't going to be comparing me to that.
I laid my cheek on the top of her head, right over the part in her hair. "Me neither," I said cheerfully. "I'm willing to take it slow. I've got loads of time. I'll be hanging around until you get sick of me."
I smiled, remembering the last few hours of my time as a normal teenage boy at the movie theater with Bella. In hindsight, it was pretty funny how such an important conversation had happened while some joker puked his guts out in the bathroom next to us. If I'd had werewolf hearing then, I would have heard him right through the wall and it would have ruined the whole moment.
Bella smiled against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist and hugging tight. I was perfectly content to stay like that for the rest of the day, eternity even, but she pulled away too soon, securing one of my hands in both of hers.
"We should go back soon," she said, her eyes drawn in regret. "Someone needs to make those guys lunch."
"Oh, Emily's on it," I responded, waving my hand as if to push the idea away from her. "She's probably over there with enough food to feed a small army."
"Oh, well," she mumbled. "What are we doing today? Don't you have to run around as a wolf?"
I smiled sheepishly down at her. "I leave you alone too much, and you've shown how much trouble you can get up to unsupervised." I rolled my eyes towards the cliff face on the other side of the beach to emphasize my point. "So I'm appointing myself babysitter."
Bella's nose scrunched up in disgust. "I do not need a babysitter," she complained, turning out to face the horizon as the sea roiled beneath it. The tide was coming in, and the water was creeping closer and closer to our feet.
I sighed. "I should probably run it by Sam, though."
She turned back to face me, but I was looking out at the water, wondering if the red-headed bloodsucker was still there. Bella brought me back down to the beach and our driftwood bench when she ran her finger along the edge of the bags under my eyes.
"How much sleep did you get last night?"
"I'll sleep when we catch the leech," I said, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling us over the sand.
Without another word, we walked back to my house. In my excitement, I yanked the door open with more force than was strictly necessary, and I heard it groaning, begging to be put out of its misery and fly off the hinges. I closed it carefully behind us, because I don't make the same mistake twice.
"Hey, kids," Charlie called absentmindedly from the table, swallowing the last bite of the sandwich in his hands. He sat back, rubbing his stomach and smiling dreamily, enjoying the simple pleasure of good food.
He was not alone in his appreciation. Sam and Billy each had the same drowsy gaze in their eyes, though Sam looked more like he hadn't slept in days. Even Sue seemed a little brighter after eating half of her own, though her eyes were still wet and red. Emily was washing dishes at the sink, but she smiled when she caught sight of my hand wrapped around Bella's waist.
"Where did you two go?" Charlie asked, catching sight of my arm at the same time.
"The beach," Bella responded, cheeks heating up under Charlie's knowing eyes.
"Cool," Charlie responded, surprising me. I had been expecting him to be more suspicious, but maybe he was saving that for a smaller crowd.
"I was gonna go work on the Rabbit." I addressed Billy, but my words were really meant for Sam. "Do you wanna come?" I asked, looking at Bella.
"Sure," she chirped. The color still hadn't completely faded from her face.
"How much more work does that car need?" Sam asked casually, but his eyes were serious.
"Not much. Should be done around dinnertime," I shrugged, feigning a casual tone.
"You want a ride home, Bells?" Charlie asked.
"That's okay, Jake can drive me," she responded.
His eyes narrowed. "You sure? I thought the Rabbit needed work."
"Just a new tire," I assured him. "I'll have her home early, Chief. Don't worry."
He was appeased by my explanation and stood up to bring his plate to the sink. We said goodbye and set off to the garage, swinging our hands between us as we walked through the trees.
"You're in a good mood," Bella observed.
I shrugged, unable to wipe the smile off my face. "I'm with you," I replied.
I took us around back to the garage, and things felt the same way they did before I had turned into a wolf, only better. Now, Bella wasn't timid and sheltered, she was more present. Her smile was wider, too, and her eyes shone a little brighter. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I hoped being with her was what caused the change.
"How old is this car, anyway?" Bella asked, handing me the wrong wrench for the third time in a row.
"The lug wrench, Bells," I reminded her, though I didn't mind watching her lips purse in confusion as she stared back down at my haphazard toolbox.
"Is it this one?" She asked, picking up an L-shaped rod of metal.
"Yeah," I answered, taking it from her hand. My fingers brushed against the pulse on her wrist, and I heard her heart react.
Suppressing a smile as a blush lit up her cheeks, I turned back to the wheel.
"It was made in 1986, remember?" I flashed her a grin, unsurprised at how little she cared about the make and model of cars. She had taken the truck without a single groan or complaint, which was more than I could say for myself.
"Oh, right. I remember now."
"Sure, sure."
"So this imprint thing…" Bella began, looking down at her feet. I tried to keep my hands steady as I took the bolt off the wheel.
"What about it?" I prompted when she didn't continue.
She was silent for another instant, and I resisted the urge to look over and measure her expression. "What do I tell Charlie? I mean, he's gonna get suspicious sooner or later."
I raised an eyebrow, flashing a crooked smile her way. "You could always tell him I'm your boyfriend."
Her face puckered up like she bit into a lemon, and I tried not to be offended.
"You realize he carries a gun, right?"
I scoffed. "We hunt vampires, you think I'm scared of a few bullets? Besides, Charlie'd never shoot me."
"So confident," she mused, touching a finger to her chin. "I wonder if you would feel the same if he had caught us on the beach."
I smiled at the memory. "I still wouldn't change a thing," I said, winking at her and triggering another blush.
"Seriously, though," Bella pressed on, determined to make a thing out of this. "After the funeral, we have to tell him."
I sighed. "Sure, sure. After the funeral," I agreed.
Her eyes narrowed. I could tell she wasn't done asking questions.
"Spit it out, Bells."
"Are you sure you imprinted on me?"
"What do you mean?" I retorted, craning my neck to look her full-on in the face. This was the exact question I had hoped she wouldn't ask.
"Well, you said Sam broke Leah's heart when he imprinted on Emily," she began, staring out the door as if planning escape should her words spark enough fury to send me exploding into a wolf. I paid more attention when I noticed how her arms had crossed against her chest, holding herself together.
"I was wondering how that worked… Did he love her before…?" she continued, turning back to look at me.
Her curious eyes met mine and I was a goner. I was about to spill my guts.
Oh, well, I thought, they know I can't keep my mouth shut.
"It's a long story. And very . . . strange. There're so many strange things about this new life. I haven't had time to tell you the half of it. And this thing with Sam — well, I don't know if I'll even be able to explain it right."
She looked up at me through her eyelashes, reminding me of the first time we had met and I'd told her the ancient legends. It seemed like a mistake at first, but now that it had proven to be a useful loop-hole, I was oddly grateful for it. I enjoyed the memory of such a simple time, when the old stories were just a scary story to tell pretty girls on the beach…
"I've got loads of time," she quoted, urging me to go on.
I repositioned myself so one elbow rested on her knee and my legs stretched out on the ground, one foot up against the wall. Absentmindedly, I clenched the lug wrench hard enough to leave a dent. I still wasn't quite used to my enhanced werewolf strength, but I was getting better. Two weeks ago I would have already broken it in half.
"Sam had it so much harder than the rest of us. Because he was the first, and he was alone, and he didn't have anyone to tell him what was happening. Sam's grandfather died before he was born, and his father has never been around. There was no one there to recognize the signs. The first time it happened — the first time he phased — he thought he'd gone insane. It took him two weeks to calm down enough to change back.
"This was before you came to Forks, so you wouldn't remember. Sam's mother and Leah Clearwater had the forest rangers searching for him, the police. People thought there had been an accident or something. . . ."
"Leah?" She asked, tightening the arms still wrapped around her chest.
I lowered my voice, sounding grave even to my own ears. "Yeah. Leah and Sam were high school sweethearts. They started dating when she was just a freshman. She was frantic when he disappeared."
"But he and Emily —"
"I'll get to that — it's part of the story," I exhaled slowly, then let it all out in a gust. We were getting to the sensitive portion.
"Sam came back," I said, "but he wouldn't talk to anyone about where he'd been. Rumors flew — that he was up to no good, mostly. And then Sam happened to run in to Quil's grandfather one afternoon when Old Quil Ateara came to visit Mrs. Uley. Sam shook his hand. Old Quil just about had a stroke." I paused to laugh.
"Why?"
I leaned over to put my hand on her cheek and pulled her face around to look at me. Our faces were just a few inches away, and I could smell spearmint on her breath when she gasped and blushed under my touch.
"Oh, right," she said quietly, "Sam was running a temperature."
I laughed again. "Sam's hand felt like he'd left it sitting on a hot stovetop."
She didn't move, so neither did I. After a quick, unsteady breath, I continued.
"So Mr. Ateara went straight to the other elders," I whispered. "They were the only ones left who still knew, who remembered. Mr. Ateara, Billy, and Harry had actually seen their grandfathers make the change. When Old Quil told them, they met with Sam secretly and explained.
"It was easier when he understood — when he wasn't alone anymore. They knew he wouldn't be the only one affected by the Cullens' return" — I pronounced the name with unconscious bitterness while she flinched at the mention of them — "but no one else was old enough. So Sam waited for the rest of us to join him. . . ."
"The Cullens had no idea," she whispered. "They didn't think that werewolves still existed here. They didn't know that coming here would change you."
"It doesn't change the fact that it did." I responded bitterly.
"Remind me not to get on your bad side."
"Why do you make excuses for them? You think I should be as forgiving as you are? We can't all be saints and martyrs."
"Grow up, Jacob."
"I wish I could," I murmured quietly.
She stared at me, her face smooth with shock. "What?"
I chuckled. "One of those many strange things I mentioned."
"You . . . can't . . . grow up?" she said blankly. "You're what? Not . . . aging? Is that a joke?"
"Nope." I popped my lips on the P.
Hot, red blood flooded her face. Tears filled her eyes. Her teeth mashed together with an audible grinding sound.
"Bella? What did I say?"
She was on her feet now, hands balled up into fists, her whole frame shaking. Even though I could tell she was royally pissed, I had to suppress a laugh, because in all her fury she looked like a chihuahua barking at a rottweiler.
"You. Are. Not. Aging," she growled through her teeth.
I tugged her arm to get her to sit back down, wondering what could possibly get her this mad. "None of us are. What's wrong with you?"
"Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day!" She nearly shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. Some part of me realized she was throwing a very dramatic and out of character fit, but most of me was trying to understand where this had come from. Didn't women start worrying about getting old around thirty? "Damnit! What kind of world is this? Where's the justice?"
"Take it easy, Bella." I was very close to laughing.
"Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!"
"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV."
She growled unimpressively.
"It's not as bad as you seem to think it is. Sit down and I'll explain."
"I'll stand."
I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Whatever you want. But listen, I will get older . . . someday."
"Explain."
I patted the passenger seat of the Rabbit. She glowered for a second, but then sat; the color in her cheeks had burned out as suddenly as it flared up. She self-consciously perched herself on the seat, one knee pressed to her chest and the other touching the floor. She looked calm enough to me. I chalked it up to hanging around vampires too much, who probably had all sorts of weird personality traits.
"When we get enough control to quit . . . ," I said. "When we stop phasing for a solid length of time, we age again. It's not easy." I shook my head, abruptly doubtful. "It's gonna take a really long time to learn that kind of restraint, I think. Even Sam's not there yet. 'Course it doesn't help that there's a vampire trying to get through our defenses. We can't even think about quitting when the tribe needs protectors. But you shouldn't get all bent out of shape about it, anyway, because I'm already older than you, physically at least."
"What are you talking about?"
"Look at me, Bells. Do I look sixteen?"
She checked me out again, and I smirked when she finally met my eyes after hesitating on my chest.
"Not exactly, I guess," she finally admitted, cheeks turning a light pink
I rolled my eyes again. "Not at all. Because we reach full growth inside of a few months when the werewolf gene gets triggered. It's one hell of a growth spurt." I grimaced when I remembered the growing pains. "Physically, I'm probably twenty-five or something. So there's no need for you to freak out about being too old for me for at least another seven years."
She shook her head as if to clear a picture from her mind. My smile grew broader.
"So, did you want to hear about Sam, or did you want to scream at me some more for things that are out of my control?" I joked.
She took a deep breath. "Sorry. Age is a touchy subject for me. That hit a nerve."
My eyes tightened, thinking about earlier, when she'd said the vampire had broken all of his promises. Had he promised her immortality? Was that why she was so broken up about him leaving? It didn't fit – I couldn't see her wishing to live forever, not after she jumped off a cliff the day before.
She interrupted my reverie before I could say anything. "So once Sam understood what was going on, once he had Billy and Harry and Mr. Ateara, you said it wasn't so hard anymore. And, like you also said, there are the cool parts. . . ." she hesitated briefly. "What happened between Leah and Sam?"
I sighed. "This is the really weird part."
"I'm a pro at weird."
"Yeah, I know." I grinned before continuing. "So, you're right. Sam knew what was going on, and everything was almost okay. In most ways, his life was back to, well, not normal. But better."
Then my fist tightened, bracing for impact. "Sam couldn't tell Leah. We aren't supposed to tell anyone who doesn't have to know. And it wasn't really safe for him to be around her — but he cheated, just like I did with you. Leah was furious that he wouldn't tell her what was going on — where he'd been, where he went at night, why he was always so exhausted — but they were working it out. They were trying. They really loved each other."
"Did she find out? Is that what happened?"
I shook my head. "No, that wasn't the problem. Her cousin, Emily Young, came down from the Makah reservation to visit her one weekend."
She gasped. "Emily is Leah's cousin?"
"Second cousins. They're close, though. They were like sisters when they were kids."
"That's . . . horrible. How could Sam . . . ?" she trailed off, shaking her head.
My eyes trailed down to the tire. "Sam did love Leah. But when he saw Emily, that didn't matter anymore. He broke Leah's heart. He went back on every promise he'd ever made her. Every day he has to see the accusation in her eyes, and know that she's right." I stopped abruptly, unwilling to talk about Leah's transformation.
"How did Emily deal with this? If she was so close to Leah . . . ?"
"She was real angry, in the beginning. But it's hard to resist that level of commitment and adoration." I sighed. "And then, Sam could tell her everything. There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half. You know how she got hurt?"
"Yeah." The story in Forks was that she was mauled by a bear, but Bella knew more than the average human.
"Well, weirdly enough, that was sort of how they resolved things. Sam was so horrified, so sickened by himself, so full of hate for what he'd done. . . . He would have thrown himself under a bus if it would have made her feel better. He might have anyway, just to escape what he'd done. He was shattered. . . . Then, somehow, she was the one comforting him, and after that. . . ." The rest was history.
"Poor Emily," she whispered. "Poor Sam. Poor Leah…"
"Yeah, Leah got the worst end of the stick," I agreed.
"Has anyone else…?" She trailed off, eyes searching my face. Bella wasn't exactly a gossip, so I sensed she was on a fact finding mission.
I was more than willing to be an informant.
Although I wouldn't mind it if she wanted to tie me up first.
"Yeah. Jared," I answered. "No drama there. It was just a girl he'd sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. She'd had a huge crush on him. She'd had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary." I snickered.
She frowned. "Did Jared tell you that? He shouldn't have."
I bit my lip. Bella and Kim would get along.
"I guess I shouldn't laugh. It was funny, though."
"Some soulmate," she grumbled.
I sighed. "Jared didn't tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. You can hear each other's thoughts, but only when you're wolves, right?"
"Right. Just like…" I trailed off, silently cursing myself for bringing up the leech.
"Edward," she said, surprising me. I watched as she tightened her arms around her chest.
"Sure, sure. That's how come I know so much about how Sam felt. It's not like he would have told us all that if he'd had a choice. Actually, that's something we all hate." The bitterness was abruptly harsh in my voice. "It's awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you're ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see." I shuddered.
"It sounds horrible," she whispered.
"It is sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate," I said grudgingly. "Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun."
She flinched. I assumed she had some bad memories about the incident in the clearing she was trying to suppress, but then she suddenly grasped my arm with both hands, holding on for dear life.
"Promise me something, Jake."
"Anything," I said, my lids drooping as I smiled down at her indulgently.
"Don't go getting yourself killed for me. Whatever wolf-y bond you think we have, it's not worth dying for. Victoria is dangerous," she shuddered, and her grip tightened. "Don't underestimate her."
I wasn't worried about Victoria. I was concerned that she wasn't taking imprinting as seriously as she should.
"Imprinting is a little bit more powerful than that. More absolute," I said solemnly.
"But –" she started, and I cut her off.
"If you're killed, so am I," I tried to explain. "It's happened before, a wolf's imprint died because of another member of the pack. Even if it's just an accident, it's an inevitable fight to the death for the wolves involved." I swallowed. "It's one of our most strictly followed laws; we don't harm or kill a fellow wolf's imprint. There are no exceptions."
"You're not saying you'd fight them if they didn't –"
"Of course not. Besides, I'm not technically in charge of them."
"Technically?"
I sighed again. This wasn't someone else's personal baggage, it was mine. And now I was going to dump it on her. "It's silly. You remember how my great-grandfather, Ephraim Black, was the last chief? He was also the last Alpha of the pack." I shrugged, brushing off the ancient responsibility as I always did. "So, technically, I'm supposed to have Sam's job." I rolled my eyes. "It shouldn't matter who your great-grandparents are, I think. Sam is a better leader than I will ever be, and I don't want to put up with all the pack drama any more than I already do."
She was staring at me with a deeply contemplative look, so I let her for a minute, waiting for a reaction. I could get lost in her expression as easily as a ship gets knocked over by a wave. Finally, she smiled, and snorted.
"What?"
"You never were one for responsibility, were you?" She laughed.
I huffed. Since when were girls into responsibility?
"But that still doesn't mean you guys have to fight –"
"Bella, honey," I sighed. "You don't really expect us to let a vampire kill innocents on our land and get away with it, do you?"
She ducked her head. "I just want you to stay safe." Her hands tightened on my arm again, voice urgent and pleading. "Please, be careful. I can't lose you."
I softened into butter left lying on the counter all day. "Don't worry about me, Bells," I assured. "We're going to get this vampire, and then you'll see. I'll bring you some of her ashes, if it makes you feel better. Besides, hunting leeches is kinda fun." I couldn't control the bitter smile; it was a habit.
She shivered, and I inched closer. I rested my hand on her cheek again, moving forward until our faces were inches apart, and pressed my lips to hers. Electric sparks tingled where our skin met, and I forgot where we were for a while.
