A/N: Hello! It's been a while since I last updated this story, so sorry for the delay! But the truth is, I haven't been very happy with the way the story was going so far. I felt like I got most of the jokes I could from the first few chapters, and I've just been recycling the same beats every chapter. In fact, most of the later chapters have open ended endings, where the decision didn't really matter!
So I'd like to consider the this and upcoming chapters to be something like a Part 2 to the series. There will be a drastic change in tone, length, and theme in them, as well as a larger, overarching story, which I think you can start to see in this chapter. I hope the difference isn't too jarring.
Felix was training, as usual.
"Felix, that wasn't very kind of you," A tiny Mercedes scolded him from his shoulder, probably referring to how he had chased off the Boar Prince just a moment ago. Mercedes always bothered Felix by trying to act like an older sibling, but it seemed like she wanted to be a disappointed mother this time.
"Are you supposed to be my conscience?" Felix asked, not taking a break from his practice swings, "Because I thought you would sound a lot more like Ingrid."
"Oh? That's the second time someone has said that, perhaps I ought to switch partners to someone more fitting," A tiny Hubert drawled on Felix's left shoulder.
"Hubert!" Mercedes tried to act indignant, but it wasn't very convincing since she was obviously trying to hold back a laugh. Felix got a little pissed that these two were here just to waste his time.
Hubert held up his arms in mock surrender, barely hiding his own smirk as Mercedes played along. But eventually he did acknowledge Felix. "But I must admit, I am impressed. Your comments were very scathing, I may even borrow a few while dealing with particularly bothersome fools. Although I must admit, I am surprised he managed to last that long under such verbal abuse."
"I don't want the approval of a lapdog like you. I bet you would hate it if I had insulted your precious lady like that. Ugh, you are such a hypocrite, just like my father, it makes me sick." Felix growled.
"I assure you, Lady Edelgard wouldn't just take it like a lying dog, like your Prince. Her bark is just as vicious as her bite." Hubert sneered.
"Whatever. Why are you two even here, other than spreading your Adrestian Propaganda," Felix rolled his eyes when he thought about Hubert's claims. Honestly everything about Hubert disgusted Felix. A life in service of another was no life at all in Felix's book. Hubert was just like Felix's father, but more than that, Hubert was a reflection of what Felix would be if he had been brainwashed and blindly taken up the title of the Shield of Faerghus like his father wanted. Fanatical and Obsessed. That idea scared Felix more than anything else.
"Besides, I've heard about you two. Don't you two come to advise someone when they want to make a decision? I've already made mine, so why are you two here?" Felix added once he stopped thinking about how much Hubert disgusted him.
"Indeed. After all, you have decided your life is your own. By that logic, everyone else lives their own lives too. If you are responsible for your own happiness, then you shouldn't force yourself to humor anyone else for their so called happiness if it disturbs your own. If your Prince wants to talk, then he should do it when you are available," Hubert drawled. He was right, but the thought of agreeing with him made Felix want to puke.
"But Felix, you two used to be so close," Mercedes argued, "People care about you, and sometimes that means they might overstep boundaries, but only because they want to understand you. They don't mean any harm. After all, you can only figure out so much from the outside."
"We used to be close. But that thing isn't my friend, it's just wearing his corpse. I want nothing to do with him and he needs to understand that." Felix spat. Honestly, thinking of the Boar Prince just made him want to swing his sword harder. Preferably at the Prince. "Besides, why are you trying to help him? He hasn't exactly been very kind to you recently."
"What do you mean? Has the Prince been bothering you?" Hubert dropped his Evil Vizier act for a moment and looked genuinely concerned, which was … new. Or at least something Felix didn't expect him to show to anyone other than Edelgard.
"Don't worry! It's just that Dimitri has recently been a little bit scared of me. It's all a misunderstanding, so I'm sure he'll apologize once he comes back to his senses." Mercedes tried to placate Hubert, but Felix felt she was understating it a bit.
"Sure, he definitely doesn't mean it when he screams and runs in the opposite direction at the sight of you," Felix sarcastically suggested, before adopting a more serious tone. "But do you two know anything about that? Apparently Sylvain walked in on him doing needlework once, and he literally can't because of his freak strength! The only thing the boar said when asked, was that he was doing it because 'The Mercedes we know is dead.'"
"Nope," Mercedes said a little too quickly, and Felix was pretty sure he could hear her swearing that she would never be the evil voice again.
"...Whatever," Felix wasn't satisfied with her explanation, and it didn't look like Hubert was either, but neither of them looked like they were going to give him an answer anytime soon. "But you never answered my question, why are you two here?"
"Well we only appear when someone is conflicted, so I suppose we should be the ones asking you that," Mercedes acted coy.
Felix placed his training sword back in the rack, and took a deep breath when he found his answer. "Yes, I suppose I have been putting this off for far too long. I need to talk with the boar." His eyes were burning with determination as he stormed down the halls to find the Prince.
"That… was too easy. He basically figured that out on his own." Hubert stroked his chin but was filled with unease.
"I think it's good that they are finally going to talk!" Mercedes clapped her hands, but understood her partner's concerns, "But we probably should see it through this time…"
"Oi, Boar Prince. I need to tell you something," Felix gasped for air after running around to find Dimitri in the hallways. Mercedes and Hubert were in no such state since they just sat on his shoulders instead of running.
"Oh, Felix! I'm so glad-" Dimitri started, but was cut off.
"Shut up. I need to tell you this," Felix took a moment to ready himself. He stared the Prince dead in the eyes, "I loathe you."
"Felix, no!" Mercedes stomped her foot on Felix's shoulder, but he didn't really feel anything. Hubert, on the other hand, had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.
"You are everything wrong with Faerghus and their bullshit knightly ideals, and I hate the person you've become." Felix continued, but his eyes softened, "But I don't blame you for my brother's death."
"Felix…" There were tears in Dimitri's eyes as he revealed his true feelings, "The truth is, I only really bother with you because I feel guilty that Glenn died and because I am close with your father! I actually don't care about you at all!"
The two boys pulled each other into a hug, having finally laid their feelings bare to each other.
"Felix, I'm only inviting you because your dad wants me to remain friends with you, but do you want to bake cookies with me?" Dimitri offered, to which Felix shook his hand.
"I would hate to. But you would probably ruin it, so let's do it, you filthy animal!" Felix agreed, in the same tone that someone would say: I would love to. Let's do it, best buddy!
As the two skipped off into the sunset, holding hands but also throwing insults at each other, Mercedes smiled fondly and wiped a tear from her eyes. "I love happy endings."
"How!" Hubert screeched, completely dumbfounded by the entire interaction. "They said they hated each other! What was resolved!?"
"Getting into fights is a normal part of any friendship, Hubert." Mercedes corrected, "Even Annie and I have them every once in a while. But in the end, we just become closer, because we understand each other better after."
"There was nothing normal about that!"
A/N: Yeah, no. I lied in the beginning author's note. This is still crack. Expect more chapters like the Marianne ones.
