A/N: Hello my lovely readers! It's been a long week. Self-isolating with my boys, and one of them a very active toddler with no understanding of why we need to stay inside. All he wants is to run and I can't do so with an infant on my chest, and this virus going around. Anyways, I hope you all are safe and taking everything one day at a time. Without further adieu, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series (book or movie), WB Studios or any of its characters.
It had been a whole week since my birthday. Sirius had shown up for breakfast the morning after, looking like he'd been hexed thoroughly and a black eye to match, so I knew Lily was behind it. He tried to catch my eye several times, but I avoided the boys all together, worried he would try to corner me.
I wasn't ready to try and give him an explanation, not knowing where to even begin. I slipped Remus the box of potions as he studied in the library, but left before he could ask what it was. I had already left written instructions inside of it. And that night, I had been too exhausted to remember anything as my head hit the pillow.
I drifted off, unaware and ignorant of the potions I hadn't taken, or the silencing spell I'd forgotten to cast upon my bed.
Flashes of green mixed with images of rubble flying. The school was under attack. I was looking around me, seeing dead bodies everywhere I turned. A familiar voice cackled across the courtyard, and I saw the line of Death Eaters blocking the only way away from the castle.
"Potter's mudblood," A slithery voice announced. I moved to tighten my grip on my wand, only to find it gone.
"You thought you could face me, on your own," Voldemort said, making his followers laugh.
"Let me make her scream, my Lord," Bellatrix sneered at me, "Her screams were so exhilarating."
"Of course Bellatrix, I'm just dying to hear her beg," He cooed, turning his red eyes on me once more, "Make her wish she hadn't been born."
"CRUCIO!"
My body seized and convulsed as agony rolled through every nerve and muscle, tearing a scream from my throat that might have awoken the dead as I dropped to the hard stone.
"You will die, all your work for naught," Voldemort's voice taunted me, "You were always the weak one. Your friends will still die, old and new."
Looking up from my fetal position, I saw the group of people I had known for years as family and friends, and the new ones I had acquired since traveling back to 1977. They were rounded up, vulnerable without wands. Harry and Ron however, looked much younger than the rest; only young children compared to the adult surrounding them.
"CRUCIO!" Bellatrix's shout was drowned out by the savage scream that ripped from my throat, my vocal cords straining as I cried out for mercy.
"Please!" I begged, "Let them live!"
"I would trade your life for theirs, but we both know, I will still cut them down when you are dead," He smiled sinisterly, as Bellatrix threw another Cruciatus curse my way. Between sobbing and convulsing, my vocal cords were raw, my skin felt as though I was laying on coals and a glacier at the same time.
"No! No, no no! Please, just kill me instead!" I begged, "Let them live!"
"Hermione!" A voice called.
"Let them live! They haven't done anything. They deserve to live! They have to, after everything I've done to protect them," I sobbed, curling into myself before I felt my body spasm with another Cruciatas curse.
"You failed them, girl. Your life is insignificant in the grand scheme. Who are you against me?" Voldemort's conceited voice trickled into my ear, as I continued to scream. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up as a feminine voice called my name again, familiar green eyes shocking me awake.
My eyes shot open as I gasped for air. I had my wand pointed up at the source of the voice. Lily backed up a few steps as I realized where I was. I could feel the after-effects of the 'dream spell' still lingering in my muscles, sweat making my nightclothes stick to me like I'd been dipped into the Black Lake. Looking around, I saw all the girls were sitting up in bed, looking at me with worried expressions. Mary had tears in her eyes, and I realized my screams were probably not just audible in my dream.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, embarrassed that I had woken them up as I tried to dry my face.
"Hermione, you were having a bad dream. You don't need to be sorry," Lily spoke softly, sympathy showing through her teary eyes. I threw off my covers, taking my beaded purse along with my wand and stealing out the door. Lily called after me, but I kept running down the stairs. There was a fire still lit in the Common Room and someone called my name again as I blew out the portrait hole. I pulled out the Invisibility cloak as I ran, tossing it around my shoulders.
Tearing down hallways, uncaring as my bare feet slapped against the hard stone, echoing through the halls. Finally stopping at the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy, I paced three times, thinking of a happier place.
Slipping inside, I pulled the cloak off, I carefully folded it and stuffed it back in my purse. Looking up, I faced my little slice of heaven. My bed, the piano, the roaring fire, all waited for me. Shakily, I laid my head back against the door, trying to calm my breathing and center myself.
"1977. Hogwarts. It hasn't happened. Prevention; you are here to prevent that," I whispered to myself, "They don't exist yet."
Crawling onto the four-poster bed, I cried freely, feeling the aftershocks of my dream torture still pulsing through me.
I didn't remember falling asleep, only that when I woke, the light hadn't begun to break. Glancing at my watch, I was met with the knowledge I had only slept five hours.
I washed my face, trying to mentally prepare myself for the day. Pulling on my spare robes and toothbrush I kept in my purse, I realized I would need my bookbag before breakfast.
Not caring if I got caught this early, I left the RoR, feeling a little bit more rested than I had since term started.
"Mia," A relieved voice said to my right as I enter the common room. I looked over to see Sirius and James resting on the couch, the parchment that was the original Marauder's Map laid between them open.
Sirius quickly muttered something to the paper and folded it up as I stopped.
"Where did you disappear to?" James asked, getting up and getting in my face, "Lily was calling your name and we searched the castle for you. It's like you just vanished."
"Are you both insane?" I whisper yelled, "You could have been caught out after hours!"
"So could you! Where were you, Kitten?" Sirius asked and I simply glared at him. When I didn't answer, James got my attention, "If you won't tell the prat, will you tell me?"
"No. It's a secret," I answered.
"We are pretty good with secrets," Sirius spoke gently.
"Really? Cause I thought you invaded people's privacy, thus forcing them out as public knowledge," I bit out, narrowing my eyes on him. He shrunk back, a pained look on his face as he lowered his head.
"What happened between you two last week? He hasn't told anyone," James reassured me, "Lily hexed him to within an inch of his life but he refused to tell us."
I looked at Sirius, as his eyes pleaded with me, but remained silent.
"Please tell me?" James asked again, a soft reassurance in his tone.
I sighed in exasperation, rolling my sleeve up and muttering, "Finite incantatem."
I watched James's eyes bug out, looking back towards the stairs to make sure no one was coming, "Where in the name of Merlin did you get that?"
"I was tortured, by the same people that killed my parents. It's the reason I woke up screaming last night," I whispered, "I forgot to take my Dreamless Sleep draught, and Silence around my bed. My nightmare felt so real, I almost hexed Lily when she woke me."
Sirius turned away, kicking a coffee table in anger, making James and I jump.
"Sirius, you'll wake everyone. Calm down," I chastised him softly, righting the upended table with a flick of my wand.
"So," James turned back to me, "You're Muggleborn?"
"Does that matter?" I replied defensively, before feeling foolish. I knew he wouldn't care, but I was on edge after last night and being confronted with Sirius when I was still hurt.
"Fuck no," Sirius responded indignantly as he turned back, "You think we'd turn our backs on you because your parents were muggles?"
"You didn't seem to trust me last week, prying into my mind without permission. So how am I supposed to believe you now, Black? You reversed the glamour on my arm because you thought I was hiding a Dark Mark, didn't you?"
He was quiet, not meeting my eyes, "I'm sorry. It's not a great time to be wearing Glamour charms. We are in the middle of a war as you love to point out."
"Well, constant vigilance," I sighed, deflating. James smiled at me, "This one is a prat as we've established. But Remus, Peter and I would really like to sit with you again. Peter is struggling without your help in D.A.D.A."
I looked at them, realizing I had missed being around them. Nodding as I reapplied the glamour to my scars, James offered a hug and I fell into his arms.
"You are safe with us. We won't let anyone hurt you," James promised, holding me close. I relished the physical touch, briefly glancing up at Sirius's conflicted face.
"Don't betray my trust again," I spoke to Sirius softly as I pulled away from James.
"I promise, Kitten," He whispered, and I gave a small smile. I didn't give myself much time to back out of it, as I lunged to hug him. He held me tightly to his chest, whispering how sorry he was.
"Hermione?" A soft voice spoke up. I released my hold on Sirius to see Lily, standing at the foot of the stairs. She rushed to hug me, "You had me so worried! They couldn't find you."
"I was safe, but I guess that would have been a comfort to know last night. I needed to sleep somewhere I wouldn't wake anyone up," I explained as she pulled away from me.
"Do you feel better?" She asked softly, searching my eyes.
"I do. Sirius and I are talking again," I teased, looking at the boys, "James knows about my arm now too."
Lily turned to them with blazing eyes and started threatening them, "If either of you breathes a word-"
"I would never," James promised, looking at me, "She's a Marauder."
"Kitten has some pretty scary claws," Sirius teased before looking remorseful, "I won't mistreat her trust in me again."
Lily nodded satisfied with the boys' responses, handing me the bag she carried, "Well, I have your bookbag. I wondered if I would see you at breakfast. If not, I was going to go straight to McGonagall."
"Well, thank you for not worrying her last night. I just needed to talk myself down," I smiled, pulling it over my shoulder.
"Ah, there you both are. Why weren't you in your beds? Normally I can't get you out of bed before 8," Remus joked coming up beside us. He didn't need to speak, but as he put his arm out, I welcomed the hug, tucking myself into his side.
I saw Sirius straighten up in my peripheral vision, and I pulled out of the hug with a smile at the werewolf.
"Thank you Moony," I spoke softly.
"You are welcome, Hermione. Anytime," He teased, but I could see in his eyes he was worried about me still. He must have heard my screams last night and alerted the boys. As tonight was the full moon, his senses would be more attuned and his hearing would have been extremely heightened.
"I'm okay," I promised him, "At least, I'm better than I was yesterday."
"That's good to hear," He whispered, as I saw Lily look at James.
"Thank you," She spoke, true gratitude evident in her voice.
"You don't need to thank me, Lily," He nodded at her, "She's important to us too."
She regarded him politely, nodding and confused as to why he was being so mature about this, instead of his usual self.
"Shall we get breakfast?" I asked, not wanting someone to speak up and ruin this good moment between Lily and James.
"Yes, let's," Lily smiled at me.
"I forgot something," Remus spoke up, looking at Sirius, "You girls go down without me. I'll catch up."
"If you are sure," Lily started and I smirked as I linked arms with Lily.
"I'm sure!" He called as I opened the portrait hole again. Lily didn't ask me about my nightmare, which I was thankful for but I did notice she was quiet and contemplative.
"Alright, what's on your mind?" I teased. She sighed, "I just don't understand him."
"Who?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Potter… James," She grumbled.
Reverse Psychology: 2 Lily Evans: 0
"How so? He does not seem so bad as you've described him," I pointed out. It was true, he had mellowed out significantly compared to Snape's memory he bequeathed Harry in his dying moments. James Potter was a bully, and entitled, spoiled and selfish, but he grew out of that quickly. There was so much more to him, and I think Lily was starting to see it too.
"He does seem… a little more mature," She mumbled.
"Is there something he's done that you don't like?" I asked, probing gently.
"No, in fact, I was begging for it in the last few years. For him to just stop. He'd propose in the middle of breakfast, or proclaim his love in Study Hall. It drove me insane because he was so immature. He is a bully."
"I haven't seen any bullying. I pretty sure Severus attempted to goad them yesterday but they mostly ignored him," I shrugged. She frowned, "I thought they started it."
"No, I was there. I caught the Stinging Hex he sent James," I sighed, "It was one of the reasons I must have experienced my nightmare last night. It's usually exacerbated by pain. And not taking my potion."
"Severus attacked the Head Boy?" She scowled, "He's a Prefect, he should know better!"
"Lily, you know why right? It's not just because he hates James. He's in love with you."
She stopped me suddenly, face paling slightly, "How did you figure that out?"
I smiled at her, "I've had a lot of time to observe everyone. Severus gives you these longing looks across the Great Hall, as well as in every class you take together. It wasn't hard to figure out that it wasn't just guilt for what he called you."
"The boys told you about that, did they?" She grumbled, as we continued walking, "I knew. I just hoped he would grow out of it. I loved him as my friend, but he hurt me. And now, he seems lost to the Dark side."
"He's not Darth Vader," I teased, making Lily roll her eyes at my Muggle reference, "He can still be redeemed. He just needs to know that he won't be turned away if he comes asking for help. I'm not saying forgive him that easily, but don't write him off as a loss."
"You are surprisingly wise for your age," She smirked, looking ahead in contemplation.
"I've had to be. I had two friends that constantly got themselves into stupid situations where I had to save them," I laughed, remembering all our adventures.
"So," Lily turned to me, "Sirius looked to be glaring daggers into Remus as you hugged him. And on your birthday when you were dancing. There was a green-eyed monster lurking in his eyes. What's going on there?"
"Don't think I noticed you direct the conversation away from James. But if you must know, before Sirius… before he learned about my scars, he told me he wanted to woo me."
"Woo you? I have never known Sirius Black to be the kind of boy that woos anyone," She scoffed, "But it might be interesting to watch unfold. How do you feel about it?"
"I don't know. I came to Hogwarts to complete my education, not…"
"Not… what?" She teased, bumping my shoulder.
"Not find a boyfriend. It's… odd. I wasn't the girl that boys ever looked at, at my old school that is. My friends couldn't even see me like that, not that I wanted them too. We had a Yule ball in our Fourth Year, and it was the first time anyone looked at me as more than a Bookworm," I explained as we sat down to eat.
"Well, I don't believe that for a moment. You are a natural beauty. Black has a very odd way of behaving around women, but for as long as I've known him, he's never been this… quiet about it."
"Remus said the same thing. Apparently he's behaving quite gentlemanly, sticking up for my honor if anyone makes a comment about me. That was unnerving to hear," I grimaced.
"Well, that is something. If there was anything that Sirius Black retained from his upbringing, it would be manners and courting. Though I suppose he's used his charms on most of the ladies in Hogwarts, save for the Rubies. But minus Marlene."
"If you don't mind telling me, what was going on with them. If you don't want to-"
"No, I can talk about it. Marlene doesn't mind. She and him, last year, were just shag buddies. She didn't really see anything coming of it, didn't really mind being called for a romp in the broom closets either. They are still cordial, but there was an agreement that it would be just shagging."
"And she's not upset by his advances on me?" I wondered, worried about endangering my new friendships.
"Circe, no! She wants to see him happy. And we all want you to be happy. So while she's thrilled for you, she's also very cautious when it comes to giving him advice."
"Advice? Of what kind?" I asked cautiously.
"Dropped a hint about your favorite flowers and your favorite sweets. He pays attention to you on his own, but sometimes he needs a guiding hand."
"He barely knows me and yet he wants to jump headlong into wooing me?" I sighed, "I do not understand that boy."
"The moment you think you know Sirius Black, he will surprise you by leaps and bounds," Remus smiled as he came up to where we sat.
"Isn't that the truth," Lily practically snorted, making me laugh a little.
"But seriously, you've all only known me for maybe a month. I was expecting months before I cultivated a single friend. How can you all just… accept me?"
"Because… you feel like the missing piece," Lily explained, "And while yes, friendships take months to grow and form complete trust, you just feel like someone we can trust."
"From a magical standpoint, we may gravitate towards you based on your power-" Remus started.
"My power?" I asked, not understanding where Remus was going with that.
"It was hard for me to understand when I first learned I was a witch, but we gravitate towards those with power. Your power feels… raw and stronger than anything we've come across here, even stronger than Dumbledore's," Lily explained.
My mind whirled with this new knowledge, but I couldn't quite understand where this new power had come from. the Time-Turner, or my wand? The wand acts as a conduit, a focusing tool for a witch or wizard's power, so the new core could not be the reason. The fourth rune on the Time-Turner... it hadn't looked like the natural rune for power. But the Turner had destroyed itself upon completing its duty of dropping me in 1977, so there was no physical rune to decipher.
"Did your friends exude anything like what we are talking about?" Remus asked, pulling me from my pensive thoughts.
I thought for a moment before answering, "My one friend did. And then I felt my magic recognize the other as a friend, an ally."
"That's what it felt like in Flourish and Blotts. We were all surprised and even Peter on the train; we just wanted to gravitate towards you," Remus smiled.
"It's hard to not trust you when your magic feels friendly, protective even. We all want to be around you because of it, but actually being your friend is a gift. Since we've known you, you've made us brownies, searched for books we left behind in classrooms and taught Peter a deeper understanding of his magical ability. You are naturally friendly and welcoming. It would be hard to turn you away when you are so genuine," Lily teased, giving my hand a squeeze.
"That's so amazing," I gushed, feeling myself tear up, "The people at my old school thought I was swotty and a know-it-all, that no one wanted to be friends with me at first. And now I'm here and my magic does feel stronger."
"I'll say. You were the first to be able to master the Gemino charm in class," Lily praised.
"It isn't your power we seek, Hermione," Remus assured me, "You are a warm and caring person. You've helped us all… in different ways."
"How are you feeling?" Lily asked, making Remus pale.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"You look tired. Dark circles under your eyes, your eyes gain a little gold and you prefer your meat a little on the raw side right before a full moon?" Lily put succinctly, making both Remus and I tense up.
"Oh please, I knew in First Year," Lily whispered as more students came in, "I just thought you might tell me before you told Hermione."
"Hermione wasn't told, she figured it out," He finally spoke up, still a little spooked from Lily's admission.
"That's true. I had a friend back in my old school. Well, at first he was my DADA teacher," I admitted, making Remus's eyes widen.
"A teacher?" He asked, shocked.
"He was the best teacher we ever had," I nodded, smiling at the werewolf, "But I could tell the signs."
"It wasn't my scars?" He asked a little self-consciously.
"Of course not. They were one part of all of you. It doesn't define you Remus, unless you let it," I pointed out. He smiled, pulling out the last potion and dumping it into an empty goblet.
"What is that you're taking?" Lily asked, "I've seen you do it a few times this past week."
"Hermione brewed it for me. Wolfsbane. It's supposed to help me keep my mind. We'll find out tonight if it does or not," He shrugged, downing it quickly with a grimace.
"It will. I wouldn't use anything experimental on you, I promise. This will work, and I already have a source of income to help pay for the next few months. Well, a few years worth really," I shrugged, looking down at my plate.
"How much do the ingredients cost?" Lily asked intrigued, and I tried to think of a way to not answer the question when suddenly I yelped as two bodies suddenly hugged me.
"Hermione, you scared the living shite out of us!" Mary exclaimed, still holding me tightly. Alice nodded as she hugged me as well, "You can't run off like that."
"It's okay, Lily already threw the book at me," I teased the redhead, and the girls pulled back, "And I'm sorry for scaring you last night. It probably wasn't a pleasant thing to wake up to."
"It didn't sound like you were having fun either," Marlene's voice joined the conversation, as she and Dorcas sat down beside Remus on the other side of the table, "Were you okay?"
"Not really. But I'm better now. Thank you," I nodded, "I just needed somewhere quiet to talk myself down. I'll be taking my Dreamless Sleep potions and putting silencing charms around my bed so that doesn't happen again."
"No," Lily sighed, "We don't want you to feel you have to hide it. We all have bad nights."
"That sounded like more than a bad night," Dorcas pointed out to Lily, who cut her a look. She turned back to me and gave a little smile, "Whenever you want to talk about it, we'll be there."
"How about tonight?" I offered, "I'm already gonna have a hard time sleeping. And talking about it is therapeutic; the more I repeat it, the less power it has over me."
"We have some sweets leftover from your birthday, so we'll pull another sleepover," Mary brightened, even though I could see a haunted look in her eyes.
"That would be lovely," I smiled, "But be warned, it's not a pretty story and certain parts are not for the faint of heart."
"Whatever you feel up to telling us, we'll listen," Alice spoke softly, her kind eyes meeting my own.
"Hermione!" James, Sirius and Peter exclaimed, hugging me suddenly, causing me to tip forward a bit.
"Surprise hugs lead to people getting hexed!" I playfully remarked as they kept grabbing me tighter, "James and Sirius, you already got your hugs this morning."
"She's starving us of affection," James sniffed.
"The cruel woman," Sirius feigned a sniffle.
"I think I may wither away to nothing," Peter acted very faint before James and Sirius caught him.
"Hermione, look what you've done," Sirius cried fanning him with his hand, "Peter may die!"
"I'm sure Peter will be fine," I spoke without looking over my shoulder, "Especially after our study session where I'll be making cookies."
"Cookies?!" They all jumped up, suddenly interested.
"If you behave you can have some later," I looked at them all, and they nodded quickly, before sitting down for breakfast.
"Are you bringing us some?" Dorcas smiled, and I laughed, "Of course."
As I turned to grab my bag, I noticed Sirius was wearing a girls' uniform.
"Why on earth are you wearing that?" I asked, a little shocked at the sight of his legs.
He smirked, looking over at Remus briefly before responding, "I backed out of a bet. This is my 'punishment'."
"What did you back out of doing that you ended up in a skirt?" Marlene chuckled.
"Let's just say that this is a small price to pay. Winning the bet was not worth it if it hurt someone's faith in me," He spoke with conviction, sending me a soft glance. I cleared my throat as Lily grabbed her book bag and got up, "Enjoy your breakfast."
It was all I could do to walk calmly out of the Great Hall.
