Chapter Twenty-Two: Dreams of Winhill
"Ah, hello Uncle Laguna, Squall," Ellone greeted as the two men entered the president's guest quarters. "It looks like your talk went well."
"Sure did!" Laguna replied as he removed his coat and tossed it over the back of a nearby chair. "Listen, Ellone… Do you think we could give Squall his gift…um, now?"
"Now?" she said, folding her hands before her chest. "Are you sure?"
"I mean, if you're not up to it tonight, it's cool; it's just that I offered, and…" He rubbed the back of his neck with an apologetic expression.
"Oh, uncle; you've always been so impulsive," she giggled. "Don't worry; I've been ready since we received the invitation." She looked around the guest room. "Perhaps we should give it to him in his own room, though?"
"My room?" Squall repeated, already puzzled by the exchange.
Ellone stepped up to her younger brother and laid her hands on his chest. "It's nothing bad, Squall. It's just that…because of the type of gift it is, it'd probably be best to give it to you in your room."
Squall's gaze flicked from his sister to his father; he had no reason to doubt them, so… "All right, let's go then."
As Squall led his family down the hall and away from the guest quarters, he thought about what the gift could be that they would need his room to give it to him. Just having Sis here is enough of a present he thought, a smile tickling his lips. The idea of having his father in his life made him a little excited as well.
"Squall!"
The trio stopped as Selphie hurried to catch up with them. "Hey, Selphie," Squall greeted.
"Where're you going?" she puffed as she stopped before them. Then, her eyes widened at the sight of Squall and Laguna, nearly side-by-side. "Wow, he really is your dad, isn't he?"
"Sort of," Laguna replied awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm just happy that Squall's giving me the chance to be the dad I should've been in the first place."
"Thank you very much, Sir Laguna," the bouncy-haired girl replied with a bow.
"Y-You're welcome…?" Laguna replied, surprised twice over, by the bow and the title. Next to him, Ellone giggled behind a hand.
"So, I don't mean to be nosy, but you're missing a great party," Selphie said, addressing Squall once again. "Are the three of you heading to bed, then?"
"Dad said that he and Sis have a gift for me," Squall explained, "but they want to give it to me in my room."
Ellone had been studying her sister with a soft smile when an idea came to mind. "Would you like to come with us?" she suddenly offered.
"M-Me?" Selphie stuttered, her hand flying to her chest.
Ellone exchanged a nod with her uncle before taking the younger woman by the arm a short distance away but far enough that their conversation would not be accidentally overheard. "The gift that Uncle Laguna and I will be giving him might make him…emotional," she explained.
"E-Emotional?" Selphie's heart sank at the very idea. "You mean, like…sad?"
"Very likely," Ellone replied, laying a hand on her sister's shoulder. "You and Squall seem very close now, so your presence might be comforting to him."
It was almost amusing the way Selphie's jaw suddenly set itself. "I'm…I'm coming," she decided. "Squall's much more important than some party."
"Of course," Ellone agreed while trying to hold back a giggle at the other woman's obvious affection toward their orphanage brother. "Shall we go, then?"
Laguna smiled broadly as Ellone returned with Selphie in tow. "Did you get everything sorted?"
"I'm coming with you," Selphie declared, standing before Squall.
"Um…okay," the young commander replied, puzzled by the exchange. He then led the group to his room, where he punched the code to the door, allowing everyone entry. "Make yourselves comfortable anywhere," he told them. "I'll stand if needed; it's not a problem."
"Actually…you'll want the couch for this," Laguna told him as he gestured to the plush sofa along one wall of the living room. He then grinned awkwardly at his niece. "Should I let you take it from here?"
"That'd be fine," Ellone replied as she made her way over to the sofa and sat at one end. "Now, Squall; please lay down and lay your head in my lap."
"Wh-What?" Squall was positive that he'd heard incorrectly. "You want me to lay with my head in your-"
"L-Lap?!" Selphie squeaked, casting a fearful glance at her idol. "Sir Laguna, I d-don't mean any disrespect, but…does it have to be her lap?"
Laguna said nothing, but smiled as he gestured toward the girl seated on the couch.
"E-Ellone…? Selphie dropped to her knees before her older sister. "Wh-Why does he need to be in your lap?"
Ellone sighed with an affectionate smile as she ran her fingers through the younger woman's hair several times. "I guess I can tell you a little bit about the gift." She took a deep breath. "Our gift is to send Squall's consciousness into the past, to a…very important time. Do you remember what I told you earlier?"
Selphie figured that the older woman was referring to the effect the gift might have on her belov-on Squall. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." She licked her lips as inspiration struck her. "But…you don't need to touch him to do it, right? All the other times, you were really far away."
"That is true," Ellone conceded with a twinkle in her eye. "Are you offering to be here for him?"
"Can I?" she blurted, shooting back to her feet. "I mean, may I?" She whirled on her idol, who took a surprised step back. "Please, sir?"
"I...I don't mind," Laguna replied, caught off-guard by the sudden attention. "But the one you really need to ask is Squall."
"Oh, please Squall?" Selphie nearly begged, her eyes desperate as she shifted her attention to her special someone. "You know I'd take care of you, right?"
Like father like son, Squall took a surprised step back at the intensity in his friend's eyes. "I…I guess…"
"Well, whatever we're going to do, we should do it soon," Laguna said. "It's starting to get kinda late."
"Come, Selphie," Ellone said, rising from the sofa. "Squall, when you're ready."
"Wait a minute…" Squall said, his voice tight as he held up a hand. "…don't I get a say in this? I think I've had enough of other people deciding things for me."
The women cast their gazes to the floor while Laguna looked upon his son with pride. Finally, Ellone spoke. "I'm sorry, Squall; maybe this isn't the best time to do this." She stepped up to her brother and laid her hands on his chest; for her part, Selphie had to resist the urge to yank them away. "Like I said; our gift is to send you into the past, but…" she bit her lip as her eyes briefly lost focus. "…the time I'll be sending you to might be…hard for you to see." She giggled lightly. "You may not need to be in my lap, but you may want a comforting presence when you return."
Squall's gaze flicked to Selphie as his older sister's words. Finally, he sighed. "Okay, I think I get it." He looked to the sofa. "Now is fine, but I don't need to be in anyone's lap."
"But-"
"Yes, Selphie; I would like it if you could be here," Squall interrupted, drawing looks of surprise from everyone at his admission. Then, he scratched awkwardly at his head. "But…how do I say this…?" He dropped his hand to give Ellone an apologetic look. "I'd…like to be as alone as I can? I'm grateful for the gift, really, but I'd feel really uncomfortable with everyone staring at me."
Ellone smiled fondly at her favorite sibling as she stepped away, letting her hands fall from his chest. "I understand, Squall; you're a private person, and that's okay."
"Thank you, Ellone," Selphie said, unintentionally cutting off Squall's expression of gratitude.
Ellone turned her smile at her younger sister. "I'll be with him for the journey, but I'll be counting on you to be here for him when he returns, okay?"
Selphie blushed furiously as she nodded enthusiastically, a humorous contrast to her sister's serene expression. "Y-You can count on me."
"Then let's get this started," Squall grunted before plopping onto the sofa. Remembering that he still had his shoes on, he carefully kicked them off.
"We'll go back to our room, and then we'll get started," Ellone said as she and Laguna headed for the door.
"I'll get that," Selphie said with a pat to Squall's chest as he started to get up. She then hurried over to the door and pushed the button to open it. "Th-Thank you Big Sis, Sir Laguna."
"Have a pleasant evening," he returned as the women hugged.
After the pair had moved out of sight Selphie closed the door and made her way over to Squall, kneeling next to the sofa to gaze into his face. "Are… Are you okay?"
"To be honest, I'm a little nervous," he admitted with a chuckle. "But this is Sis we're talking about, so I'm sure everything'll be fine."
"I think so, too," Selphie giggled. Then her expression turned serious. "Squall? I just want you to know…that I won't leave… Okay? I'll stay here until you're back."
"I know," he replied then suddenly looked away toward the wall behind the sofa. "You've…made your feelings very clear when it comes to me."
She felt her face heat up again, but kept her eyes on him.
Squall looked back over to her and flashed an awkward smile. "Just so you know; I don't know when she'll send-" Squall's expression suddenly faded, his face relaxing into unconsciousness as his eyes closed and his body settled further into the sofa.
Selphie took in a shuddering breath, tears pooling in her eyes as she reached out to gently caress his cheek. "Sweet dreams, Squall."
Where am I? It's so dark…
Squall waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but it never happened. "Ellone?" he called, hoping his sister could explain what was going on.
"I'm sorry, Squall; I think I took you back a little further than I intended. Please be patient; it won't affect how long you're away from our time."
"Okay."
As he waited, Squall tried to discern the environment his 'host' was in. Wherever he was was obviously dark, almost pitch-black. It also felt like he was underwater, but for some reason his host didn't seem to be drowning. In fact, he sensed that his host was peacefully sleeping, which could've partially explained the darkness. He could also hear a rhythmic thrumming sound in the background.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he suddenly noticed a pressure of sorts on his host. It wasn't like his host was being crushed or anything like it; it was more like…pushing. What's going on?
His answer came almost immediately as the room he was in suddenly became illuminated, and he could see a network of red lines on the walls of his host's…room? Wait a minute...is he – or she – about to be-"
A sudden lurch cut off his thoughts, and he felt his host being pushed more insistently, and as his host's body began to move he realized: It's being born?!
As though to confirm his suspicions, the body of his host began to move, constricting as it passed through a somewhat long and narrow passage, emerging into bright light. The cries of his host a few moments later confirmed that he was in the body of a newborn baby. "Ellone!" he cried out, almost along with the baby. "What's going on?"
"Please be patient, Squall," came the gentle reply. "All will be clear shortly."
"How is she, Pierce?" the old woman asked as the midwife tended to her charge.
"I wish I knew," Pierce replied as she blotted the new mother's forehead with a cool cloth, trying to clear the sweat that wouldn't stop forming. "The baby seems to be fine, thank goodness."
The old woman made her way to the mother's bedside and examined her expression. "Oh, poor dear: she looks like she's in a lot of pain. Have you called the doctor?"
Pierce sighed as she switched out the sweat-soaked cloth for a new one. "He said he won't be able to get her for another hour. Agnes, I don't know if she's going to last that long."
The old woman sighed sadly as she moved around the bed to examine the baby. "Poor little baby… I just pray that the doctor gets here in time…"
Squall's view was rather chaotic as the baby kept looking around randomly, but he was able to see enough to recognize the ceiling and walls. Am I in Winhill? Then- His internal monologue cut off as he realized when he likely was. Come on; let me see the mother!
"Should we at least see if she can nurse?" he heard Agnes ask, causing hope to well up in his chest. He then remembered that the baby could likely sense his presence, so he tried to mute his thoughts and feelings so as to not upset his host.
"We could try," he heard Pierce say. "Can you wipe her while I get him?"
"Of course."
Squall felt a wave of anticipation as a blonde-haired girl not much older than himself – well, his seventeen-year-old self – appeared above him. She was a pretty girl, though the dark circles under her eyes and slightly unkempt hair made her look older than she appeared otherwise. He could feel himself being lifted up, and he started to feel a sense of anticipation as his view shifted to a large bed, where the mother presumably lay.
His heart leaped at the sight of Raine Loire covered by several layers of blankets but then quickly sank as he got a good look at her face; pale skin, eyes squeezed shut in obvious pain, murmuring quietly… His experience on the battlefield, seeing death time and again told him that she wouldn't live long enough for any doctor to save her. Of course he knew that she'd died many years ago, but to actually see her in her final hours…
"Raine?" Pierce called sweetly. "Would you like to nurse your son?"
Agony-filled eyes flicked open, only to suddenly become clear as her gaze settled on Squall. "Please…" The baby was handed to her, and after the appropriate adjustments were made she started to nurse. "Hello, sweetheart; Mommy's so sorry that she's not feeling well, but she'll take care of you the best she can."
Were it under any other circumstances Squall would be unnerved by the sight of a woman's bare breasts, but this was his mother, and he was grateful that his infant self was looking into her face. "Ellone?" he called. "Are you sure that there's no way to change the past?"
"I'm sorry, Squall," came the reply. "The past has already happened and cannot be changed. Seventeen years ago, your consciousness entered your infant form and saw…what you're seeing now. I'm really sorry; I wanted to give you the chance to see your mother and how much she loved you."
It was clear how much Raine Loire loved her son, if the tears streaming from her eyes were any indication. "Oh, I love you so much, Squall; I'm sorry that I won't be here to see you grow up."
"Don't talk like that," Squall heard Agnes say in an admonishing tone. "You just need to hold on a little longer; the doctor will be here soon."
Squall saw his mother look away, presumably to address the other woman. "Thank you, but…" She drew a shuddering breath. "I know I haven't much longer." She then looked back to Squall with a sad smile. "I'm so sorry."
"You're naming him 'Squall'?" Pierce asked.
"I thought it would be fitting," Raine replied, keeping her gaze on her son as she spoke. She finished nursing and allowed Squall to be taken by the midwife and placed back in the basket next to the bed; unfortunately this meant the Squall could no longer see his mother, as he had been placed on his back again. "I'm so tired…" he heard her say.
"Mom…"
"Be strong, Squall," he heard he say. "Become a strong man…a good man… Laguna…"
"Raine?" came Pierce's alarmed voice. "Raine?!"
"Laguna…come see your son…our son… Where are you…?"
"…Where are you…?"
Pierce quickly made her way to Raine's bedside and began caressing the young mother's face. "It's okay, dear; it's okay…"
Whether Raine could hear her or not was unknown, as she had started murmuring again, her eyes closed.
As she breathed her last, the baby started crying uncontrollably, and Pierce quickly hurried to pick him up, tears streaming from her own eyes as she held him close. "Oh, Squall…"
"You poor thing," Agnes said mournfully, looking to the midwife as the baby cried in her arms. "It's almost as though he knows his mother's gone."
"NO!" Squall cried, suddenly sitting up on the couch and startling Selphie, who had been watching him. "MOM! MOOOOOOOOOM!"
"Squall!" Selphie quickly crawled onto the couch and wrapped her arms around her distraught friend. "What happened?"
Squall vigorously wiped his eyes with his sleeve over and over again, but the tears would not stop coming. Finally he broke down, crying uncontrollably as he had in his infant self, great heaving sobs that shook his whole frame as well as his friend's, and she quickly moved to stand before him to hold his head to her chest and caress his hair. "It's okay, it's okay," she whispered in a shuddering voice as tears escaped from her eyes as well. "Just let it all out. I'm here for you…" Squall looked up at her and she was shocked at the pain, the agonizing grief that she found in his eyes.
"Oh, god…." he rasped, "…it hurts…so…much…" he managed before breaking once again, allowing her to pull his head to her chest again as he released nearly eighteen years of loss.
