What's this? A chapter uploaded at normal time, not three hours late?
Been a busy week, but made time for writing. Big event was having new flooring installed in the entire first floor of my house. Spent all of yesterday hiding in the basement with my dog while they worked. Love the new floor, as we replaced the patchwork of stained carpet, vinyl, and laminate with faux-wood plank.
Still healthy, though my allergies get me dirty looks every now and then. Oh well. Hope you all are doing well during all the madness and that I can provide a few laughs along the way.
Randi still hadn't gotten used to her near-celebrity status around school. Happy couples would sometimes stop her in the halls to express their gratitude. She still hadn't finished off the gift basket Weiss had sent her a few days ago. She'd even had a few guys try to befriend her to see if they could be given preferential treatment. Anywhere she went on campus, people always seemed happy to see her.
Which made her current predicament rather surprising.
"You!"
"Me?" Randi asked as she turned to face the furious boy stomping his way down the hall. She recognized him as being a member of Team CHLK, but couldn't quite place his name. The only one she knew from that team was Carnelian, their leader, who she'd set up on a date with a guy from Haven three nights ago.
"Yes, you! How dare you show your face here!"
"What, in my hallway?" Her room's door had barely even closed before her angry-looking classmate charged up.
"Don't get smart with me," he warned, though Randi didn't feel very threatened. He wasn't exactly the strongest fighter in their class. Randi felt confident she could take him easily, though she hoped it wouldn't come to that. "You can't just treat people like that and get away with it."
"Get away with what?"
"What's going on out here?" Lilly's head popped out of the doorway to investigate the noise. Upon seeing Randi being publicly berated by a random classmate, she jumped to the obvious conclusion.
The obviously wrong one.
"Great. What did you do now, Randi?"
"And today started out so nice," Randi muttered to herself, ignoring her leader entirely. She was just mad about her latest failed prank. Salt in my juice? C'mon, Lilly. What is this, amateur hour? Switching the salt and sugar beforehand had been easy enough. Sure, the sugary drink she wound up with was a little much for her, but it had to be better than the heavily-salted coffee Lilly spewed all over Smit. "Look, I don't know what you think I did, but I promise I–"
"I demand an apology," the boy said, louder than necessary. Randi could hear the other doors cracking open as her curious neighbors watched from their rooms.
"Fine. I'm sorry." Randi had no idea what she was apologizing for, but all she wanted to do was calm the guy down. If apologizing for some imagined slight would make him leave her alone, then so be it.
"Sorry? You're sorry?" he shouted, stomping his foot. "It'll take more than that to make up for what you did. I demand an honor duel!"
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Well now, students, what seems to be the problem here?" Professor Port asked, strutting around the corner. "A duel, you say? My, that sounds serious. Perhaps the two of you should accompany me to my office to sort things out."
"Yes, Professor Port," Randi's aggressor immediately agreed, losing all traces of his rage in an instant before dutifully marching past the teacher. Randi arched an eyebrow at the sudden change.
Evidently, Lilly was just as confused. "What the heck was all that?" she quietly asked, stepping closer to keep from being overheard.
"I have no idea," Randi shrugged, as perplexed as her leader.
"Come along, Miss Asmer," Port instructed. "We mustn't waste time. This sounds far too serious to dillydally."
Randi had no choice but to follow the rotund teacher to the elevator where her accuser waited. The moment the doors closed, the boy seemed different. Instead of the angry glares Lilly specialized in, he almost looked embarrassed by the whole thing, avoiding any eye contact as Port began to ramble about how they handled disputes back in his day. Randi found it pretty unlikely that Ursa wrestling really helped matters, but defaulted to Grimm Studies mode for the rest of the trip.
In other words, she tuned the whole thing out until the end.
"–but, of course, when the monster proved too much for the lad, I was forced to step in, holding off his Ursa while my own continued to struggle in my grasp. With one under each arm, I–oh, we're here." Mercifully, Port's outrageous tale of bravado ended abruptly as they reached his office. "That will be all, Kurt. Thank you again for your help, lad."
Randi looked between the two suspiciously as Port opened the door. Before she could question it, Kurt turned to her with an apologetic look. "I'm really sorry about all that. He made me do it."
"Nonsense, my boy," Port countered. "You practically jumped at the offer."
"You said you'd fail me if I didn't," Kurt grumbled. He quickly looked to Randi once more. "No hard feelings, right? I'm kinda still waiting on a match on your app. I hope you won't hold this against me."
"Run along now, Kurt. Miss Asmer and I have important matters to discuss." Kurt hesitated, unsure of what to do before sighing as he turned away. "Oh, and remind Miss Digby that I'm still waiting on her report."
"So what's all this about?" Randi questioned as they entered the small room. A massive portrait of the professor – or, at least, a shirtless version of him with chiseled abs in place of his oversized gut – riding a Goliath through a swarm of Grimm dominated one wall. Randi wondered what kind of artist could bear to paint something like that.
Professor Port looked around the room, even checking behind his desk to make sure no one else was listening. "I needed to speak with you regarding a…personal matter."
"Why not just ask me to drop by, then?" While it wasn't often students were called to a teacher's office, it wasn't unheard of either. Surely that would've been easier than blackmailing Kurt.
"It's…well, it's a, um, delicate matter. I needed to ensure no one suspected anything." So you drew the attention of half the class and made a huge spectacle? The Beacon rumor mill would ensure his plan failed miserably within the hour. Everyone would be asking about the meeting.
Rather than point out the flaws in his ludicrous plan, Randi figured it was best to just get it over with. "Fine. What did you want to talk to me about?"
Port fidgeted nervously. "I…well, that is…how do I say this?" He struggled to find the right words before finally hanging his head in shame and admitting, "I need your help."
"With what?"
"Finding a date."
"What?!" He'd gone through all that trouble just to have her set him up with someone?
"I know, I know. How could someone as manly and stupendous as myself still be single?" Not exactly the question I would've asked. "I am ashamed to admit that my duties as Remnant's premier Grimm killer and Beacon's favorite teacher have left me little time to, as you kids like to say, play the field. Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to arrange an evening with one of my countless admirers and hoped you could assist me."
"Just make an account on Beacons of Love." She hadn't expected to be catering to the school's faculty, but she'd do the best she could. She just hoped she could find someone suitable among her users. No way she'd be sacrificing one of her classmates to such a cruel fate.
"That wouldn't work," Port said. "The moment I made an account, every female on Remnant would be after an evening with Peter Port. I wouldn't dream of ruining the chances for the poor boys that turn to you for help. No. I need this to stay quiet."
Oh, don't worry about that. If she advertised Port as a customer, Randi had a feeling she'd see a sudden drop in female accounts. "I'm not sure I can help," she hedged, deciding it would be best to let him down easy. "I already have a rather long list of applicants, and the amount of time it would take to find someone worthy of–"
"Oh, come now. I'm sure you can work something out. After all, it'd be a shame to see you fail my class…"
"Are you blackmailing me?"
"I would never," Port assured her. "I am merely pointing out how detrimental a failing grade on this special project would be to your GPA."
"So you're saying this is now a class assignment?" Kurt must've been offered a similar deal – help or fail. "How exactly does this constitute an assignment in Grimm Studies?"
"Simple, dear girl. The sheer joy of any woman in my presence is enough to drive the Grimm away for miles." Randi shivered as she imagined having to endure such an evening. "Not only is it a study in Grimm and emotions, it's also a chance for you to help ensure the safety of your city."
Randi doubted such would fly if Miss Goodwitch was involved, but the fact he was getting away with it after years of teaching at Beacon meant he'd likely found some sort of loophole. If he was serious about his threat, she'd be stuck repeating his class next year. Some things were just too horrible to risk.
"I'll see what I can do," Randi begrudgingly relented.
"Thata girl!" Port cheered, slapping Randi's back in celebration. Even through the armored pack she wore, Randi still felt her aura flare at the powerful impact. "I'll start getting ready."
"Ready for what?"
"For my date tonight, of course!" Port exclaimed. "I'm excited to see if you're as good as the students claim."
"Tonight?"
"Well of course! Why do you think I'm asking you so early?" Randi glanced at the clock on his desk – a horrendous, golden bust of the professor whose moustache halves acted as the hour and minute hands. It was almost lunchtime, meaning she only had a few hours to find a match, set up the date, write an apology letter for the poor woman, find a suitable hiding place, craft a new identity…
/- - - - - - - - - -/
Ironwood finished reading the report with a labored sigh. Private Hopkins had seemed so promising. It seemed like only yesterday the young man had been assigned to his personal unit – a carefully selected detachment that served him directly and whose loyalty was beyond question. How could I have been so foolish?
At first, he'd thought the man's fall from grace a result of him not taking enough time to recover mentally from the CCT attack. Hopkins had leapt at the assignment aboard Ironwood's battleship. Honestly, Ironwood had only made the offer because he expected it to be the lowest-risk environment possible. Sort of a way to give the man time to ease back in after a traumatic event.
Looking back, he had to wonder if that was part of the man's plan. Getting saved by Smit Brendis, their primary suspect, at the CCT seemed so innocent at first glance. In hindsight, perhaps he was in on the plan all along. How they'd foreseen his offer of guarding the holding cells aboard the battleship worried the general. I've grown predictable. If the enemy can see that far ahead, I need to figure out something they wouldn't expect. After all, you couldn't trap what you couldn't predict.
With Hopkins in position, they'd been left unaware of his counterpart infiltrating their ranks. No one reported anything out of place. His troops had become complacent, it seemed, trusting Hopkins to report if anything seemed off about the girl. Once everyone was fooled, they sprang their trap, even managing to make Hopkins look innocent…again.
"Thank goodness Oz's girl wasn't fooled." Having a student of Beacon finally break through the disguise and catch him in the act proved a little embarrassing for the seasoned tactician, but he saw it as an opportunity to improve. I've grown too self-reliant. An extra set of eyes would be useful. Having a fresh take on a matter could help expose his own blind spots.
A trio of meaningful knocks at his door interrupted his contemplation. "Enter," he barked, sitting up a little straighter as he awaited the new arrival.
"You wanted to see me, general." Not a question. A flat statement of fact. Ironwood expected nothing less from Specialist Schnee.
"Take a seat, specialist," Ironwood instructed. "Has there been any progress in locating Torchwick or his accomplice?"
"We're chasing down a few leads, but nothing new to report yet, sir." Winter nodded respectfully as she sat. "I spoke with Private Hopkins myself, but he claims to have no knowledge of Torchwick's hideout or how to contact him. If you'd like, I can arrange for you to question him personally."
"Negative. I'm sure you did a fine job. Besides, if Hopkins had such valuable information, I doubt Torchwick would've left him behind." Plus, Torchwick hadn't eluded capture so effectively by making stupid mistakes. Even if they captured someone who knew such details, Torchwick would make sure to abandon any locations that could be given up. "Headmaster Ozpin allowed me to speak to Miss Rose about her encounter. I believe we have uncovered a new lead."
"Excellent. I'll have my men get to work on it right away."
"No." Ironwood cut her off, ditching the more militaristic tone. The sudden shift reinforced upon Winter his seriousness. "I want us to handle this one personally."
"We, sir?"
"Yes. I'm concerned that they may have others within our ranks." Ironwood wasn't so naïve to think he'd ferreted out their only spy. "This new lead is somewhat…unorthodox, I'll admit." Ironwood passed a single sheet of information across the desk and waited as Winter reviewed it.
"A dating service, sir?"
"Correct. Miss Rose reported that she met with Torchwick for a romantic evening through this new Beacons of Love service. If there's any chance Torchwick could use this dating service again, I want you to be the one he has dinner with." Ironwood's smile, as slight as it was, had a cruel edge to it. "Might I suggest a tour of our holding cells afterwards?"
"I will see it done," Winter agreed, memorizing the details on the report. "In fact, sir, I believe my sister is close to the individuals who operate this service. Perhaps I can arrange a meeting to coordinate our efforts."
"Excellent idea. Make it so. Perhaps they can aid us in setting up profiles for our investigation."
"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, what about you?" Winter asked. "While I cannot definitively speak for the man's…preferences, I'm not sure how effective you will be in securing a match with him."
Unsaid was the fact that he would struggle to pose as a young woman. Far from being offended at Winter's lack of confidence in his acting abilities, Ironwood nodded along with the honest assessment. "I will be pursuing a different angle. You will only be able to cover half of the applicants, so I will pose as a younger male to watch the remainder." Plus, if Torchwick's accomplice could create illusions, there was no guarantee he wouldn't try again as a female.
"Understood, sir."
"I expect to be notified of any potential matches or suspicions immediately." Winter silently nodded along to the order. "I'll also be notifying Oz of our investigation, as it will involve the students running this service. Any questions, specialist?"
"No, sir."
"In that case, as of this moment, Operation Wild Oats is underway. Dismissed."
/- - - - - - - - - -/
Lilly had been busily studying her Combat Class notebook for hours, though the section that captured her attention currently had nothing to do with her class. Instead, she focused on the short list of prank ideas hidden within, scratching out that morning's failed attempt. Like many others before it, Randi had not only seen through her attempt but turned it around on her.
Unfortunately, that didn't leave many plans remaining.
Short sheeting her bed could be fun. Lilly would need to keep an eye on her own mattress lest Randi return the favor. Maybe next time Randi went for a morning workout, she'd strike. Flour in her hair dryer. Cream cheese deodorant stick. Clear nail polish on a bar of soap. Lots of options, but so far, Randi had seen through every attempt. She'd need to step up her game if she ever wanted revenge.
Speaking of Randi…
"Rough day?" Lilly asked as her faunus teammate shambled in before collapsing on her bed.
"You have no idea," Randi groaned.
"You and Pyrrha do a full spar or something?" Even after her training sessions with the red-headed champion, Randi never looked so worn down. Lilly couldn't imagine what it would take to do this to her stalwart teammate.
"We trained yesterday," Randi reported. "Today was more of a mental strain."
"Anything to do with your meeting with Port?" Lilly hadn't seen Randi since the spectacle in the hallway that morning. No one seemed to know what happened, even after Smit tracked down the guy and asked. He refused to answer their questions, claiming he couldn't tell them.
Randi sat up, looking a little better in the safety of their room. "That was only part of it. He wanted me to set him up on a date."
"Really?"
"Then, I ran into Weiss's sister. Spent the last few hours helping her set up a profile."
"Winter is looking for a date, too?" Lilly never imagined Randi's app becoming popular among the faculty. It was hard to remember that they were human, too. "You didn't pair them up, did you?"
"I'm honestly not sure who would suffer more from that," Randi said. "But no, I went with a slightly different approach this time."
"What do you–"
"Ho ho! Truly, you are a wonder to behold!" Professor Port's boisterous voice boomed from the hall. Lilly rushed to the door to spy on whatever poor woman had endured an evening with the self-obsessed man.
No one was with him.
Instead, Professor Port strutted through the hall, talking to a small, ornate mirror in his hand. "So rugged. So handsome. Why, I daresay you are the most gorgeous man to ever walk the face of Remnant. Why, thank you! You're not so bad yourself."
"You set him up with himself?" Lilly deadpanned.
"Figured it would keep him busy for a while," Randi shrugged. "Besides, who could ever love him more than he already does?"
Fair point. Port nearly ran over an unsuspecting student as he rounded the corner and disappeared, though she could still hear his voice echoing down the halls as he left.
"Miss Rose is red. Grimm are my prey. Being with you is the best kind of day."
Bit of a shorter chapter this week. Beacons of Love has reached a new clientele, though Port could've been a real challenge. Considered doing the Coeur al'Aran tribute and matching him with Tsune, but wanted to do something different. Also, Ironwood and Winter have entered the fray as they hunt for Torchwick. At least they caught that evil mastermind Hopkins.
For last week's reference, Torchwick's name pointed to both of his origins - Clockwork Orange and Pinocchio. Luc is short for Lucignolo, which is the Italian name for Lampwick/Candlewick. Burgess is the last name of the author of Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess. Probably spent as much time creating his name as I did writing the chapter itself.
Some may also recognize Team CHLK from In RWBY's Shadow, though they didn't have a very enjoyable experience. Kurt is a Turkish name for wolf, so working with Port forms Peter and the Wolf. Little bit of fun for me.
We're already halfway through this story. Expecting to take a longer break after this one, but we'll see. Have three or four ideas floating around in my brain right now that will likely become stories at some point. All of them are more like In RWBY's Shadow in tone and content, though they all focus on canon characters. Won't say more yet, as they have a long way to go, but I promise this won't be the end of my fanfic writing. Just a bit of a break to do some planning and pursue some non-fanfiction writing.
