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Ch.8 You Can Have Me Or Leave Me Alone

(CLARE)

Waking with a jolt I fall from my bed, hitting my floor with a thump. It's very early, no one else is awake, and my falling out of bed didn't wake them. Mom sleeps with earplugs because Glen snores, and Jake can sleep through almost anything. Although, he does have a tendency to wake up at the oddest noises or if he smells food.

While I get up off the floor I realize that I fell asleep in my clothes, and that Fitz must have put me under the blanket. I also wonder where Fitz is? He's nowhere in my room, I don't think he even slept here. He must have slept in the ravine, I wish he had slept here though, maybe then I wouldn't have had the nightmare about Eli attacking me.

I'm not going to be able to get back to sleep, it's too early to go anywhere, and I'm not hungry. So, I go into the washroom I share with Jake and start the shower. I take a very long shower, and spend most of the shower sitting on the tub floor. My ankles crossed, my knees drawn to my chest, my head down, tears flowing. When the water turns cold I turn it off, I washed up a little, I didn't wash my hair though.

"Clare?" Jake knocks on the door as I'm wrapping myself in a towel. I tuck the end of the towel in and open the door. "When did you get up?"

"I'm not sure," I reply while Jake looks at the bruises on my arms.

He gives me a sympathetic look and goes into the washroom. I return to my room, a part of me hoping to find Fitz there, but I don't of course. I sit on my bed still wrapped in the towel, still wet. I'm feeling very unmotivated to do anything. I think it's mostly that the nightmare, which I can't fully remember other than Eli attacking me, is still haunting me. While I sit there trying to shake the nightmare, or possibly remember it so I know why it's bothering me so much, my phone lights up.

Adam: Drew and I couldn't sleep, we dragged Dallas up and we're going to grab breakfast at The Dot. If you want to meet us there we can all head to school together?

Adam's text makes me smile, and I do want to be around my friends. I'm sure Jake would be okay leaving early.

Clare: Didn't sleep great either, and I know Jake is awake. We'll get ready and I'll text you when we're on our way.

Before I get Jake I decide I'd better get dressed. It'll be a pretty warm day, so I choose a summer dress, red with cap sleeves and blue flowers, but panties and a bra first. Once I'm dressed I leave my room, I'm about to knock on Jake's door when Glen comes out of his room.

"You're up early," he remarks.

"Woke up from a bad dream, we're going to meet Adam, Drew and Dallas at The Dot," I tell him. Glen nods with an understanding smile and goes downstairs, before I can knock Jake opens his door.

"Torres boys, Dot, I heard," Jake yawns, "I'll get ready."

He walks past me to get to the washroom, so I return to my room. Jake is ready first, just before I go into the washroom to finish getting ready I text Adam. I tell him that we'll be there in ten minutes. Thankfully, my mom is in the shower when we leave, or I'm sure she'd continue going on about Eli as she did last night.

"Did you sleep at all?" Jake asks as he begins driving.

"Yeah, I slept pretty well until a nightmare. I don't even really remember it, except that Eli was attacking me, and the look in his eyes when he was. I don't remember anything else, though I'm sure there was more to the dream."

"If he gets within ten feet of you today th…"

"Jake he's not going to attack me at school, not like that anyway. I have one final today, one on Wednesday and no classes with Eli. If he comes near me again I know where to kick him."

"If he does try anything today you'd better go straight to Simpson."

I just nod and look at the window as we approach The Dot. Drew, Adam and Dallas are inside, so Jake parks and we go in. Fitz is working, but barely looks at me. I want to ask him where he slept last night? Why he left? It's not as though I can just walk up and ask him though, that would draw too much attention. I start to walk to the counter and Drew catches my arm, of course he's the only one that knows about me and Fitz.

"What do you want Clare? I'll get it for you," Drew offers.

"Okay, thanks Drew, just a cinnamon mocha please. I'm not that hungry," I tell him.

Drew and Jake go to the counter while I sit with Adam and Dallas. Adam still doesn't know why Eli attacked me, other than Eli being jealous. It wasn't too hard for Adam to accept that explanation after Eli's previous actions centered around jealousy.

"Did you have a bad dream or did you just wake up really early?" Adam questions.

"Both," I reply.

"You going to be okay at school today? Your afternoon classes are independent study, I'm sure you could make up your final for media studies," Adam comments.

"I'll be alright, I don't have any classes with Eli, and I don't plan to go anywhere near him."

"Owen already told the team to make sure Eli doesn't get within four yards of you," Dallas yawns.

"He did?" Adam and I ask at the same time.

"Yeah, sent a text out last night. Eli thinks about getting near you then one of the team will be there," Dallas grins.

"Clare why don't you ride over with us," Drew says handing me my coffee. I shrug and get up following them out, Jake follows us. As we walk past the window to their car I see Fitz giving me an odd look. I wonder if he's wondering why Drew is so protective all of a sudden?

I sit in the backseat with Adam, sipping my coffee while Drew makes the short drive to the school. Jake follows us in his truck and parks next to us, we get out and I grab my backpack from Jake's truck. We start walking to the front doors, and I see Eli waiting on the front steps.

"Let's take the garden entrance," Adam says pulling my arm gently. We all go through the garden and everyone comes with me and Adam to our lockers. Just as I start opening my locker I see Eli watching us from the end of the hall, he doesn't say anything though, doesn't come over, just watches.

"Hey, I need to get your corsage for prom, and rent a tux. What color is your dress?" Owen asks as he joins our group.

"Sort of a silvery blue, like an early morning snow."

"Cool," Owen grins and then moves closer to me, "if Eli doesn't stop staring at us I'm going to go over and punch his face in."

"No, you won't, he's just watching. Besides if you get in trouble for fighting with Eli you might not be able to go to prom," I tell Owen.

"We can head to class early," Adam offers as we both close our lockers.

"No, he might follow you two in if no one else is there," Drew argues, "walk with us to our lockers. We can hang out in the memorial garden until the bell."

"How long do you think Drew is going to be my personal watch dog?" I ask Adam under my breath.

"At least until school's out probably," Adam replies back and I shake my head. It's annoying, but I can't really blame Drew either. He knows everything about me and Fitz, and after Eli's attack Friday, that nearly sent me to the hospital, I suppose it's understandable.

Bianca's at her locker and greets Drew with a kiss. The guys get what they need from their lockers, and we go to the memorial garden. When the bell rings Adam and I walk to homeroom, and we don't see Eli. We don't have a final until next period, so this class is all review for our final on Wednesday.

Our media studies final is quite easy, I finish early and Miss Oh says I can go to lunch. Adam finishes at almost the same time I do, and Dave just after him. The three of us put away our backpacks and go to the caf for lunch. After the bell rings we're joined by Alli, Jenna, Wes, Hannah and Connor. I don't see Eli at all at lunch, Adam comes with me to my locker after lunch.

"You don't present until Thursday, maybe you should go home," Adam comments.

"Eli does have class," I reply.

"He had class on Friday too, he could easily find you in the library or something," Adam says.

"Which is why she'll be working in the student council office, it locks," Drew speaks up holding a key over my shoulder.

"Thanks Drew," I smile.

"It's your key, you're the Veep, just lock it behind you. I have a key and of course Simpson, just close the blinds and stay in there," Drew instructs. I twist my mouth at him for treating me like a kid. "Don't give me that look, he was ready to rape you Friday and very nearly sent you to the hospital. Given all his past behavior we are not overreacting."

"Fine, I see your point, I have to go to the washroom though. Neither of you can follow me in there, and you both have class in a couple minutes," I point out. They still come with me to the washroom, but don't follow me in. I use the washroom, wash my hands, try to get an unruly curl to tame, give up and leave the washroom. Adam and Drew are gone, Luke and Dallas are there, glaring at Eli who seems to be waiting for me. "You weren't kidding, you guys really are on Eli watch," I remark as I begin walking to the student council office.

"Can't have Eli hurting our buddies prom date," Dallas says.

"Uh-huh, you guys will stop this right?"

"There's only a few days of school left," Luke replies.

I shake my head, but do take the long way to the student council office. Eli does stop following us when the late bell rings. My hockey player escort takes me all the way to student council and doesn't leave until I've locked myself inside. My independent study project is nearly done. When you have two full periods for nothing but independent study, and the parameters for your final project are very loose, well let's just say the project came together easily. In fact, as I've completed it before the bell rings for last period I head to Miss Oh's classroom. Most of the kids are still attending co-op until Thursday or Friday. A few are in here working on their final papers. As I stopped attending co-op less than halfway through the semester (because my mentor turned out to be a lying-conniving-pedophile) I was excused from the paper.

"Miss Oh, my project is done, I'm ready to present," I tell her.

"Okay, great, I'll talk to Principal Simpson and maybe you can present tomorrow afternoon instead of Thursday. You can go home for the day if you like, as your other classes are done."

I nod and close the door, I don't really feel like going home, but as the bell rings for last period I decide to go find Jake. He'll probably let me take the truck home, he can walk or get a ride from someone. Jake says it's fine for me to take the truck and Drew says they'll bring Jake home, and they both remind me to lock all the doors.

I go home and spend the afternoon on my laptop. Jake gets home right after school and Mom is home early. Glen is working late, so Mom takes us to dinner. When we return home I'm hoping to find Fitz in my room, but he isn't there, and doesn't come all night. I have trouble sleeping, and spend most of the night worried about where Fitz is.

(FITZ)

"I hear you're taking Clare to prom," I comment to Owen as I ring him up. It's Thursday and it's lunchtime at DeGrassi.

"Yeah, she's sweet and hot, I could definitely do worse. Anyway, it was Drew's idea," Owen tells me.

"Drew wanted to fix you two up just before you leave for school?" I question. Owen was really proud when he got accepted to university, he talked about it for at least a week.

"I have all summer, besides it's just a date, Drew's trying to keep her away from some guy. Some guy that's not Eli," Owen tells me as I hand him his change.

"I wasn't aware Drew cared so much about the company Clare keeps," I remark while start making Owen's milkshake. I actually was aware Drew suddenly cared about who Clare hangs out with. I've only been aware since Monday when he threatened me though.

"I dunno, she's Adam's best friend, and they will be running student council next year," Owen shrugs.

I nod and hand him his milkshake, he takes it and sits down waiting for his food. Alice takes Owen his food when it's ready. As always there's a steady stream of kids throughout DeGrassi's lunch time. Some come for food, others sweets or afternoon coffee or just joining their friends. Anyone without a spare third period rushes back to DeGrassi before the bell. Now there's only a couple kids in the café, and it's time for my lunch.

I take off my apron, poke my head into the kitchen and ask them to make me a burger. Going into the employee lounge I clock out for lunch, and then use the washroom. Then I open my locker and my backpack, taking out a beer I took from the ravine cooler this morning. Spinner would not be happy if he saw me with it at work, but it's not like I plan to eat in the café. I slip the beer into my jeans pocket and wait by the kitchen for a couple minutes until my burger is ready. I go outside sitting on the steps to club to eat my lunch. I set the beer next to me and the box with my burger on my lap, open it and start eating. I've only taken a couple bites when I'm interrupted.

"Where have you been?" Clare demands.

"Here," I reply without looking up her, "you've seen me at work."

"That's not what I mean. Where have you been sleeping?"

"What does it matter?"

"How can you say that? After everything? You were there when I fell asleep Sunday night, when I woke up Monday morning after a nightmare you've disappeared."

"You were tired, you were hurt after Eli's attack, I didn't think you needed me there. I've been sleeping in the ravine, it's fine. I didn't think you wanted me back in your room at all after Drew threatened me," I reply before taking a large bite of my burger.

"What do you mean Drew threatened you?"

I finish chewing and then take a large swig of beer before answering her, "Monday morning, told me to stay away from you."

She sighs and leans on the banister very close to me. She smells like vanilla and cinnamon, I want so very badly to kiss her, to take her into the club and taste every inch of her. Instead, I take another swig of beer and keep looking at my burger while I eat.

"Drew knows," she says quietly.

"Yeah, I figured that out when he threatened me. I'm not dumb," I shoot back before taking the last bite of my burger.

"I never said you were, and I didn't tell Drew it was you. I told him some things, but never gave him your name, he figured that out for himself. He's not that dumb either," she says angrily.

I stand up and toss my empty box in the dumpster back here. Walking to the very back of the alley to finish chugging my beer. Clare is stubborn though and follows me down the alley.

"Don't tell me you've been sleeping in the ravine because you're afraid of Drew. It's not as though he's at my house, if you're not afraid of my parents or Jake finding you th…"

"So, why is Drew threatening me? Why is he setting you up for prom with Owen? Eli attacked you, not me, shouldn't he be protecting you from Eli?"

"Drew thinks you're bad for me, sneaking in when you need to, going farther than I was ready for."

"You could have told me to stop," I remark and she looks down rubbing her right arm and biting her lip. "Do you regret it? Do you hate me now? Is that what you told Drew? Is that why you told Drew? You could've just told me to stop coming around, like I said the ravine is fine."

"That isn't fair," she says while I chuck my empty beer can into the recycling bin. "I don't hate you, I've been worried. That's just not how I pictured losing my virginity. I wasn't ready, Eli found out and got angry and Drew was worried b…"

I've resisted long enough, I grab her and kiss her hard. Holding her to me, her hands grip my shirt and she responds to the kiss. Her lips part, her body sort of melting to mine, I taste her lips, her tongue, and I want more.

"Fitz, stop," she says pushing me away suddenly. She doesn't look angry, but she wants to talk more, and I don't feel like talking. I walk past her and walk quickly to the back door of the cafe. "Fitz," she calls after me, but I'm already inside.

The door closes behind me and I go straight to the employee lounge. Clare doesn't follow, I didn't think she would. I still have a few minutes before I need to clock in. I grab a couple breath mints, so I don't smell like beer and sit in the lounge looking at my phone until just before I need to clock in. After I clock back in, i grab a bottled water from the fridge and send Alice on lunch. Try as I might I can't get Clare off my mind for the rest of the day.

I consider going to her house after work, but I don't. I head to the ravine instead, I'll have to hit an all night laundromat tonight, what little clothes I keep with me need to get washed. I really need to go home and grab some more clothes, even if I have to keep most of them in my car. I've almost got enough set away, and apart from my future apartment money, to get the car running again.

(CLARE)

"You look gorgeous," Owen says when I open my door Saturday evening. Tonight is prom and he's picking me up in his car. He's dressed very nicely in a suit with a silver tie.

"Thank you, you look very handsome yourself. You'll have to come in, my mom's been dying to get pictures all afternoon," I tell him stepping aside so that he can enter. Jake already left, not for prom though, he's out with friends tonight.

"Here," Owen says taking my corsage from the box and putting it on my wrist. It's white roses with little purple flowers and wrapped with silver and white ribbon.

"Oh, it's lovely, Clare stand next to him so I can get a picture," Mom insists. Of course she's already snapping pictures.

Mom takes pictures for nearly five minutes straight before she lets us leave. I'm not bringing a coat, we'll be in doors and it's a warm evening. Owen opens the passenger car door for me before going around to the driver's side and we begin driving to prom. It's being held at a hotel, not a very fancy hotel, but a decently nice one with a good ballroom. Other than music playing in the car we are totally silent on the drive, Owen and I really have nothing in common, and it seems, nothing to talk about.

When we pass The Dot I start thinking about Fitz, I didn't see him working, although it was hard to see in as we drove past. I haven't seen Fitz at all since Thursday afternoon when we argued. I've been pretty worried about him, even if he's angry at me it's odd to see no sign of him at all. I even went to The Dot yesterday, but he either wasn't working or was on break when I stopped in.

When we get to the hotel Owen pulls up to the valet, and a valet attendant comes over to help me out of the car. Owen comes over offering me his arm and we walk into the hotel. We find the correct ballroom and Owen gives our tickets to the students working the door.

"We should find our table and get some food, I believe we're sitting with Bianca, Drew and Dallas," Owen says over the music.

"Yeah, I'm hungry," I nod.

Owen looks around and seems to spot one of them as we begin walking in a specific direction. When we get to the table I see Drew with Bianca, and Dallas, there's also a girl's purse on the empty chair next to him, so Dallas must have a date.

"You two look great," Bianca grins.

"Yeah, I knew you two would make a hot couple," Dallas grins.

"Where's Kami?" Owen asks Dallas while he pulls out my chair for me.

"Washroom, we should be getting dinner in a minute," Dallas says.

"You should probably know that Eli's here," Drew informs me, "we saw him coming in alone when we got here."

"He won't get near you, I'll kill him first," Owen responds.

"I don't think he's going to try anything at prom," I comment.

Before anyone else can say anything dinner is brought over and they take our drink order. Kami returns from the washroom, I recognize her now, she's on the girl's softball team and also a cheerleader. The guys do most of the talking over dinner, Kami mostly stays quiet, I do talk to Bianca a little. After dinner I have to use the washroom, Bianca and Kami come with me, and of course the girl's washroom is packed. We wait our turn and I'm the first one out, I'm not waiting for the other girls with the washroom so full, so I leave. I push my way through the swarm of girls, exit the washroom and nearly run into Eli.

"Clare, we need to talk," he says in a pleading voice.

"After you're attack I have nothing to say to you Eli, I don't ever want to speak to you again," I hiss at him.

"Clare, wait please I w…"

"Back the hell off Dr. Doom, she doesn't want to talk to you," Bianca growls shoving him away. She takes my hand and starts pulling me to the dance floor with Kami following behind. "Let's dance, the boys will come find us," Bianca says.

We find a spot to dance, the three of us dancing to a fast song, we dance through another and then a slow song comes on. As soon as the slow romantic music starts our dates find us. Owen and I dance through two slow songs together, his hands on my waist and my arms around his neck.

"Let's go get our prom pictures taken," Owen says when the music changes to fast again.

"You don't think my mom took enough pictures of us?" I laugh.

"Yeah, but we need the corny background, the cliched poses. Something we can hang onto, look back at twenty years from now and cringe," Owen says.

"When you put it that way, let's go," I giggle.

Owen puts his arm my shoulders and we get in line for pictures, we take two different poses. One with my back against Owen's chest, his arms around me and my arms on his arms. Then me facing him, his arms around my waist, mine around his neck and leaning in like we're about to kiss.

"Let's return to the table, I believe it's time for dessert," Owen says when we leave the picture area.

"Sounds g…" I begin before Fiona taps the mic on stage causing feedback and cutting me off.

"It's time for prom queen and king," Fiona says now that everyone else is silent. "Your prom king Elijah Goldsworthy, and your prom queen Clare Edwards!"

"What?!" I exclaim while people begin clapping.

"Come on Clare, let's go get our crowns," Eli insists eagerly as he pulls me away from Owen.

I go with Eli mostly out of shock, everyone moves aside for us and we go on stage. Fiona puts a tiara on my head, and a large crown on Eli. People clap, our picture gets taken, and I'm given a sash that says prom queen.

"Now, our happy royal couple will take their spotlight dance," Fiona announces. Slow music starts and Eli escorts me off stage, his arms encircle me and we begin swaying to the music.

"I can't believe so many people voted for us, especially after our breakup. I didn't even know we were on the ballot," I comment now that I'm finally over the shock.

"We were on the ballot, but I don't know how many people voted for us. I asked Fiona to name us king and queen, so that you'd have to talk to me," Eli confesses and I stop dancing.

"More lies, more deception, after what you did I never want to talk to you again Eli," I snarl pushing him away from me.

"CLARE," Eli calls after me. He's trying to chase me but I'm better at weaving through a crowd.

"Clare, what's wrong?" Drew asks. He's with Bianca, they must have been dancing or getting punch.

"Here, pretty sure this should have been yours," I tell Bianca handing her the tiara. Then I run past them and out of the ballroom.

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