Control


The first time, it was kind of expected. Her rejection, that was. Or more like, he had deep down, somehow already knew it would happen, her rejecting his advances and turning away. (But not against him.)

The second time though? It really felt like a harsh slap from reality. Burning and bruising, a kind of slap that stung on his skin and left an angry, red mark to be reminded of his mistakes whenever he looked in the mirror.

And it was kind of funny too, Sasuke mused with a tortured expression and with a bitter taste on his tongue.

Ironically, just when he finally felt ready to open up to her, to the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch, it was long overdue. She didn't want it now, and probably she wouldn't want it days after or maybe, the most scary possibility out of all of the other possibilities running wild in his head, that she would not want it ever again, either.

The crushing thought froze the blood within Sasuke's veins.

After years, long years of trying to get ready, better and be someone that worth it and worth her time, worthy of her feelings and her love, with the promise of the future on his tongue and seeking answers and discovering an entirely new world that he wanted to show her, she had rejected him.

She had rejected him. Sakura had rejected him.

She turned away.

And she had torn away her hand in a panicked way from his, from Sasuke's, from the lost boy's from the cursed clan that honestly hurt the Uchiha on a level he believed wasn't possible. And yet, he had let her go, even though knowing that the way she was running, in that frantic, break-neck speed was anything, but right. It could have easily damaged her muscles, damaged her body and tear her apart from the insides where she to make a wrong move.

All because in an errant moment, he had seen horrors reflecting in her jade eyes, of all bad and dangerous and bloodied and dead. So he let her go. He let her run.

And that alone was enough to make him halt all his motions and not to go after her. Not to break out in the same speed, not to chase her farther away, less she ran faster or she never returned to him, for him, for that very same promise of someday that kept him on his feet in the last two years.

And the pain that tucked itself tightly in his chest felt like a poison spreading through his body, slowly crawling through his system, numbing his limbs and numbing his brain and even making him heave breaths, so heavy and so dull, full of weight and pains. And it simply felt so much worse than the harsh wind blowing on the mountaintop, scraping on his skin, tearing in his hair and pulling his cloak in every way, but all in all, it still felt so much better than the fear in his chest, of her never coming back to him, for him. Because, all things counted, that was also a possibility. Her, escaping from him, from his hold, from his presence and from the thought of him.

Him, never seeing her.

This, in the end, hurt in a way that was new, but yet, so familiar to him somehow, because when he was left alone, with the memory of his dead family in that impersonal, empty apartment, so lonely and so utterly helpless at age eight, now it was similar to that feeling. The fear of her never returning and the fear of ultimately and permanently loosing her was overwhelming.

He felt lost and helpless, so utterly so, he didn't have even an inkling of an idea what route he should choose to turn towards to, what things he can reach out for, as solution and how to figure her out, the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch, to finally reach her, to catch her and to take her in, but he, most of all, was afraid beyond beliefs.

And yet, even though all those poisonous thoughts wrecking havoc in his head, Sasuke had forced himself to keep his face blank and god, how he forced himself to not run after her when seeing her legs buckle and when seeing her landing on a tree top that just screamed pain, all for not fucking this up even more, him, the god of destruction, reborn.

The vision of her figurine getting smaller in his vision as she hopped down to the path of trees, running and running anywhere, but mostly away from him, stayed with him and burned in his memory for what he felt like was eternity itself.

It must have been how she had felt so long ago—when he left her, on that bench, so many years ago, or that other time, when he left her on the battlefield, near dead bodies, trapped in a genjutsu, showing her all bad and dangerous and bloodied and dead through visions that broke so much more inside her than just her spirit.

In the hindsight, that might have been a bad idea.

Sasuke let out a particularly heavy breath that the harsh wind carried away, as if it would be able to lift all of his problems from his shoulders, making breathing easy and his heart weigh a little less. His problems dancing away in the wind, blown away and never returning.

That didn't happen.

Because it was nothing but only the wind. Not some magical spell or godforsaken deity, just the wind itself that somehow still managed to tear into him, causing injuries more than bone-deep. What with its harshness, those injuries could have as well been soul-deep. Might have been the kind, even her healing touch couldn't relief.

'But it was a good enough reason to want to murder all of us, right Sasuke?'

It echoed inside the confines of his head, like a record stuck or like a memory he could never unsee, going on and on and without break, never passing up a second to thrust a dagger through his chest. Her eyes tearing up, broken ceramics at her feet and her hands trembling just as her lips, holding it in and not letting her sorrows go.

They had already lost so much. Just because they thought they were doing the right thing, believing they were on the right path, on the paths of their choosing, even if Sasuke had formerly chosen warpath, she chose a path that was of healing ways and warmth, so much warmth and good, and the better.

Still, it was undeniably true that he was unfair with her, they way he had handled the situation not befitting of neither a captain nor a teammate, nor a friend, if he could be called that, but still… her words, those words he wasn't undeserving of, hurt him in a whole new level, in a whole new dimension he hadn't believed anyone was capable of trumping him so cruelly and so effectively.

'But it was a good enough reason to want to murder all of us, right Sasuke?

He needed days to work through it after just that, had he managed to think about Sakura. Really think.

It may have been a mistake to unleash his perfect hold and call our for her chakra, but it was entirely too interesting of an experience how he could, at certain times, tune in his chakra with hers. That desire, to make her lose control, to make her let go, show herself to him, might have been a selfish and cruel desire of his, but he wanted it, he wished for it and was eager to see a side of her that he hadn't seen before. The kunoichi, who wasn't made form all the better, from warmth and form healing only. The kunoichi who was ready to take what she deserved, to take back after she had given so much.

He was eager to experience her, all of her. Now it was easy to see: Sakura was not who he had left in Konoha's gate two years ago. She was a different woman now. She still was the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch, but beside that, he lost her that time. He had lost her so many times already.

He wasn't willing to do so once more.

It was entirely too enticing to feel her chakra going insane, with his in toe. It felt like a drug to him, feeling each other so raw and so powerful. Their chakra involuntarily springing into a dance that tantalized with fire so vicious, so deadly and so black, burning up and wasting away anything in its wake, had her control allowed. Had control slipped from her hold.

Sasuke could think only one word that described the interaction: effortless—how they combined to destroy and damage. And even after long minutes standing at the hilltop, his back to the mist of barely-dawn, taking calming breaths, his own chakra was still reluctant to settle from that crazy ride that made his heart throb with more intensity and his breathing quicken.

It didn't take much 'till he noticed how Sakura's chakra was warm, really warm—the total opposite of his that was everything but. Her warmth spurred his volatile chakra into action in a way he hadn't yet experienced with anyone before and he shivered at the thought. Her life essence ruffling his and calling out to his rationality, to his force and to his better.

Sakura's energy was clean, pure even, compared to his entire darkness, he had inherited from the god of destruction. Even when on the verge of an outbreak, on the verge of rampage and destroying, hers kept clean and pure and still, simply so warm.

But still, it wasn't warm in the way Naruto's were, exuberant always almost bursting with joy and fierce and everything that was exclusively Naruto, instead, hers was tranquil and gentle, ready to mend wounds that reached deeper than bones. And words weren't enough to express how grateful he was to the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch.

But when he approached hers with his, her chakra had changed. Entirely.

Were they to lose control, the hold on their chakra, on their emotions and on the confrontation that kept getting delayed, the different routes of possibilities how it would occur were just endless cases of mysteries and the upcoming results from it were just as impossible to count as the number of starts up in the heavens.

He didn't know why he forced it after her initial reaction. Didn't know why he desired to vex her so desperately, to get to feel her, unclothed, raw and volatile and why he was so ready, so eager to take her in entirely.

Maybe, that very moment, that seemed like the only route possible how he could reach her. Rationality didn't work. Reasons didn't work. Talking didn't work. And now, he needed to note that bonds didn't work either.

Had they let control go, they would have unleashed something tragic. And though tempted, they weren't ready for the consequences. They needed to stop. And Sasuke knew it was the good decision—the best decision, in fact—,but still he was unable to deny how exhilarating it felt to toe around the line and nearly tip the scale off of their balanced tango.

He wanted more. He wanted to experience it—her, the strongest kunoichi with healing touchagain, once more, always and forever. His greed seemed insatiable, though he wasn't ready to give in quite yet. Uchiha Sasuke, somehow, already knew, it would only take some patience and a lot of instance. But he wanted it. Wanted her, raw and unclothed.

Patience. All it took was patience.

(Sakura,

Be patient.)

With a deep sigh the lost boy from the cursed clan turned around and decided he could do nothing else right now. Not bothered by the presence of several ANBUs hot in his trail, ever so curious and ever so annoying, he only kept going with his head held high and his heart weighed down, back to his teammates whose chakra already thrummed with curiosity, even through the distance, it didn't take a lot to pick up on that.

So it really was no surprise that Karin waited on him, and now with the door opened it looked quite inviting, but the red haired fury standing there not so much. She was a fright—her chakra oozed with irritation and agitation and Sasuke knew even if she wasn't able to eavesdrop, her tracking ability was more than enough to know what had transpired. Or what he tried to make happen.

"Sakura?" Was the first thing out of his mouth as he stepped inside the awkwardly small apartment, the suffocating little place with a narrow aisle where Karin bristled and harrumphed much in a way of an enraged harpy.

"If you weren't our leader, I wouldn't answer," she muttered, hoping he wouldn't catch it, but at the same time, no, not really. She wanted to rub her ire in his face and with her antics it wasn't something of an impossible mission. "Sakura went back to the hospital, flanked by those ANBU gals," she shared even though her eyes fired the question to Sasuke which he had expected to first hear aloud the moment he had approached the threshold.

What the fuck did you do?

So in his defense, he remained mute, refusing to look in the direction of the hospital where now he could feel the ruffled chakra of the medic that somehow, though irate, still remained warm to his gentle prodding. He was tempted to prod further but one look from Karin was enough to halt his ministration.

But her, simply by being there, was enough of an evidence to Sasuke of her loyalty, of her persistence, her being inside Juugo's room and doing everything that was or maybe, wasn't even within the possibilities of medicinal ninjutsu.

But he didn't say anything, in fact, refused to say anything and only nodded at Karin in a reluctant way to show his thanks.

However, his tactics didn't work—no wonder as Karin was still livid, frustrated beyond beliefs even if she had nothing to do with the situation—or the mess—Sasuke had created with the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch. It had managed to put its strain on their team dynamics, making them vulnerable as the tension between him and Sakura that had managed to grow ever since their encounter in the hospital. It was easy to feel even for a half-witted, not to mention for tracker with refined abilities, to pick up on the traces of their…whatever that was happening between them. On top of the situation being delicate and the outcomes quite erratic at best, they were residing in an unfamiliar place.

Because even if Kumo was an ally of Konoha, it was the farthest place from being safe or a sanctuary.

So, in the end, it still was kind of ironic that Karin was standing in the door, watching him with the thundering eyes of tigress, not even bothering with concealing her frustration with him, and yet, still contemplating whether to let him inside, while with all of her body language that she was so careful about during her mission in the brothel, seemed to scream only one thing at his way: Fix it!

And it took a very aloof Suigetsu popping up form the direction of the kitchen, now having an enormous glass of water at hand, to break Karin's concentration with bringing apocalypse over Sasuke's head just by the help of her expressive eyes.

Not that his contribution to the mute exchange of wills was any help to anyone as he had off-handedly blurted out, "Man, you had fucked up big time."

And there really was no fight in Sasuke to protest as, after he got through both of his teammates, slumped down in one of the battered chairs around the kitchen table, with his head bowed, muscles tensed to their limits and his single hand twitching for kunais for a spar at the very least, but preferably for a kind of fistfight that he was only able to perform with Naruto. Where he needn't worry for the other party. Where he needn't hold back.

He craved it. Heck, he was barely able to function with the his control loosening over his chakra. That volatile mess of black energy was ready to burst out after the dance with Sakura's. It was unresting, unyielding and far too eager to reside back in within his core. And even one slip of motion would have been enough to tip the balanced scale and result in a frenzied destruction of anything within his radius, Sasuke knew it well.

So instead, Sasuke willed himself to remain put and took calming breaths.

They felt useless.

"Really fucked up," as always, Suigetsu wasn't satisfied with the effect over him, so by the laws of nature, he must have had to emphasize his thoughts to get it across Sasuke's thick skull. Or it was the reformed nunkenin's primitive, ever-present need to annoy everyone in his vicinity.

However, that didn't justify him butting in in his agony.

If Sasuke was someone else, he might have said something along the lines of 'you don't say', but it was Sasuke, so he only let a minuscule amount of killing intent sweep through the air as a warning of its own, effectively thickening it, to which Karin shuddered and Suigetsu backed away to the corner, not ready to risk his neck for a tasteless joke.

It should have felt like triumph, having his comrades finally settle and not butt in his life, but instead it settled heavy on his tongue with a foul taste and Sasuke suddenly only wanted a bed to lie in. He needed to think—he needed time to figure her out, needed time to put together the giant puzzle that was Haruno Sakura.

Because anytime he felt like he was getting it—getting her, the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch, he always needed to realize how very wrong he actually was, and the puzzle he had assembled from the flutter of her eyelash and the way she spoke her words, ever so gently and ever so careful, he always found that puzzle messed up and by the end of their time spent together, he always needed to start anew, from the beginning.

This time, when they chakras clashed, was the first time when he felt her real. When he could reach out to her, grasp for her for a few brief moments and enjoy the feeling of them meeting half-way.

He wanted it again, once more, always and forever. His greed really was insatiable.

"What happened?" Now Karin dared asking, not as furious as when he stepped inside the flat, but rather quiet, as if understanding, it wasn't only Sakura that was agitated. With that whiff of killing intent, Sasuke was sure he had let loose part of the misery that currently ruled in his head and over his thoughts.

No wonder she could understand so readily—Karin was exceptional in sensing, be that chakra or emotions or anything else, really, she simply got it.

And he told her with a frown, even though he never intended to talk about it, "I don't know." And it was a confession that was hard to say, but it was out of his mouth before he could have even thought it through. "She got…scared? I got… eager?" Was the best expression how he could describe with the least words the emotional turmoil Sakura was forced to go through in his presence.

However, even though she was curious enough and so ready to give a helping hand with the situation, the only addition Karin was able to provide was a frown similar to Sasuke's, that suggested she was not quite believing, but neither was she outright opposing his statement. Because Sakura? Scared? Sasuke? Eager?

It seemed whimsical, if not outright impossible.

"What happened to Natsume?" Came the voice that Sasuke honestly had waited upon when he arrived back in the flat without Sakura. That damned ninneko most probably had a death wish. Or he was simply interested in turning his life upside down yet again and spewing wisdom on the mangy kitchen counter.

He was just surprised the fur ball had managed to keep quiet until now.

Somehow he just knew the damned cat itched to introduce himself to their team. And the irritating little thing didn't wait on their reactions, he leapt up on the table. The cat, impossibly so, looked now forlorn, never like how Sasuke got to know the fur ball only a month prior. The playfulness seemed lost on the cat as he looked more like a ninja companion this time than a kitty eager for irritating the heck out of him.

When no answer came, the cat seemed to snort and curled his white tail around himself, his impossibly blue eyes narrowing in the process. "I ask once more. What happened to Natsume?"

And that was when the impact of his speech sank in, as Karin looked more surprised than anything, but maybe a bit embarrassed as she must have thought it was an ordinarily house cat that resided in the flat even before them occupying it. Suigetsu didn't seem to be fazed by this particular thing of the cat speaking, even if he froze in his sitting position—Sasuke noted and sighed.

"Suigetsu," he warned as he looked at the former contract killer, waiting for the answer from the only member of his squad who had not only personally seen the little girl, but whose care the girl was left in. "You heard the cat." And he swore he could hear the hiss from the animal but he was so done with caring about hurting those around him.

What did a mangy cat count, anyway?

"Assassinated," was what Suigetsu blurted out, his lilic eyes turned to the side, refusing to look either at his squad leader nor at the cat that had his prodding gaze fixed right on him. "Raikage's orders." And it was painfully clear, that expression of guilt on his face, yet so unfamiliar on his features to many of the inhabitants of the room. "I needed to do it."

And somehow, from that alone, Sasuke knew, Suigetsu would have let the girl run, even if she was the leak, just because even though they were shinobi, they weren't monsters. And that girl was only fifteen.

Fifteen. Like him when he chose warpath and fulfilled his wishes of revenge against his brother.

What in the world would she know about anything, the grand schemes around and involving her? What could she possibly have done against the whole fiasco? And how would she have been able to resist? Resist the temptation of freedom, or anything that was offered to her in exchange for her services.

Suigetsu would have let the girl run. Sasuke, on the other hand, would not have done the same.

"Orders?" The Uchiha questioned once more just to be sure, but the way how Suigetsu fisted his hands on the top of the table, showing whitening knuckles, his answer was clear.

"Yes," how Suigetsu confirmed even when they didn't need confirmation, with a sigh that sounded more of a final breath of an elder as he slumped down in his chair, looking up at Sasuke with remorse and had the situation entailed something else entirely, he would have already apologized in his own, nonchalant way.

The cat narrowed his eyes the same time Sasuke did his.

"You are not to obey the orders of foreign Kages, Suigetsu, just with exceptional permission from Kakashi," was what Sasuke said in his usual tone of coolness not quite hidden in his voice, while his thoughts were running wild, trying to understand the mess that would befall them were Sakura to know that piece of information.

What the fuck did the Raikage think? ANBU were there to do the dirty biddings—and yet, Suigetsu was ordered to do the assassination.

Even if unintentional, his chakra leaked. Simply put, the situation—the other mess—they have managed to get in the middle of was so intricate Sasuke was sure that the only thing he would be able to do was damage control. That was no questions were the issue was headed. And with being honorary Konoha shinobi, mistake wasn't allowed on their side of the deal and Sasuke knew that, even if he had influence with the current Hokage, if he fucked up this time, he couldn't do anything what he wished for doing.

Tread carefully—Kakashi had warned him many times in his letters. And yet, Sasuke always just shrugged it off, thinking they were doing their duties exceptionally.

And so, his words seemed to flip something in Suigetsu as he threw his hands in the air, now not even caring about his voice volume and totally not caring about how it shook and slid up nearly by an octave. "Well, try fucking doing anything when you have twenty ANBUs waiting on you!" And he took a shaky breath, locking his eyes with his Rinnegan and the other black one, defiant and ever so fierce, unafraid and ready for the fight were Sasuke to challenge him. "I could have got away from a squad alone. Maybe with the girl, too. Or injure those damned idiots to win some time or whatever… but I was greatly outnumbered. I didn't know where you were. Your hawk reached me hours after the assassination. I couldn't do…anything else than obey."

And it was the helplessness in his voice that chilled Sasuke's blood from that boiling temperature, only because of the familiarity with the feeling. He had remembered being helpless. Being forced to do things. Being unable to do what he wanted—Sakura, the strongest kunoichi with the healing touch, who seemed to have forget the basis of her special abilities, did a good job of reminding him of that, maybe, this time, causing wounds that were deeper than bones. And just maybe, deeper than his soul.

"But it was a good enough reason to want to murder all of us, right Sasuke?"

And then, unexpectedly, it was Karin that shook him out of his reveries, contributing and aiding them with a kind of level-headedness he didn't expect from her. "You would have started an international incident Suigetsu. It wouldn't do us any good."

And then, the devilish cat, whose presence Sasuke had already and quite blissfully had forgotten about, showed his fangs towards them right before he started grooming his paws, as if bored, the topic of their conversation not striking his fancy furthermore, all while dropping hints with same elegance as one might have dropped bombs. "Well, the Raikage is already on the right way to do so. It wouldn't have mattered anyway."

For a moment, everything seemed to stop.

The silence was overpowering in the room what with all of them waiting for the fur ball to further elaborate. Even to Sasuke's prodding gaze, the cat was only tempted to answer. But in the end, he still did, although, cheekily. "I got into the ANBU quarters… and they are really dumb. When they think you are an ordinary cat, then you can get to know a lot of things."

"Speak," was what Sasuke more like growled than ordered to the joy of the kitty that seemed depressed not even five minutes ago at the loss of the little girl he grew to love.

And the ninneko sighed with just as much natural bravado as Suigetsu seemed to posses on his better days. "Dear Raikage wanna use Sakura. Keep her in Kumo for an extended period of time. Or something," he managed something like the cat equivalent of shrugging as he still perched gracefully on the table they have had breakfast on just this morning. "They usually speak in some local code. Sadly, I'm not well-versed in it as of yet."

"That's all?" Karin prodded further, her brain already analyzing every miserable piece of information the cat had managed to dump on them, making connections and adjoining the belonging puzzle pieces with her glasses glinting in the ambiguous lightning of the room.

The cat, noticing the dedication of the red-headed, reluctantly continued. "Sakura did give information concerning her mission to an outsider. And one of your teammates had nearly died because of it. She is to be interrogated soon, I'm sure of it."

"Fuck" was how Suigetsu contributed, bemoaning the coming of a headache that was already threatening him.

"Why?" Sasuke asked in the only way he knew how: demanded. The other questions that seemed to overpower his mind remained unsaid as he kept trying to solve the issue. Or at least figure out the proper steps for damage control.

What the fuck did the Raikage think? For what did he create this whole charade? What was that damned fool playing at?

Sasuke didn't know. Couldn't understand. But he would be damned if he let that old fool do as he pleased.

"They need her in the hospital I guess. Something about being understaffed," Then, the annoying fur ball shook his head as he contemplated different possibilities, huffing irritatedly in his efforts. "Or maybe, the Raikage has heard about Konoha's new medical programs. He might want advancements."

The stunned muteness that followed prompted a heavy sigh from Sasuke. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as he messaged his face in total despair. Problems—it felt like he always just collected more, slowly getting buried by them, and never managing to completely solve any of them.

But in the end, he was relieved that the damned cat didn't comment on the mistakes he had made, like last time.


A/N: At first I would like to thank you for the overwhelming love you all have for this story! It really is amazing to see you get so invested in this creation of mine. But it seems there are some issues I need to address.
It's okay to disagree but it is not okay to abuse authors for their works. We're doing this for free. If you do not agree with what we write just 1, ignore it, 2, share it with the author of the story, but do so without being rude and most of all, without sending them death threats 3, write your own story where everything happens to your liking. Most of all, I'm writing this story for myself. And writing is only a hobby to me as of yet. I do not need to share this. But I do anyway because there will always be someone out there who will enjoy it. And that's enough of a reason for me.