1:00 PM
Article taken from the Daily Bugle Blog:
Posted TODAY, 1:32 PM
Too Little For a Big Theft? Spider-Man Drops The Ball…AGAIN
AROUND 12:55 P.M., GUESTS OF the American Museum of Natural History got a surprise they hadn't paid for and been seen in thousands of years. A T-Rex skull was on the move, floating through the halls with the aid of four drones. These drones flew the skull out into the city where it crossed the Hudson. The machines were completely unmanned but it doesn't take a Stark-level genius to wonder who was behind that attack.
The Statues of History are being blamed. From what can be gathered from bystanders, the fourth floor of the museum received an unexpected guest after lunch: gas. The thieves threw gas grenades that scattered the patrons and the guards quickly. The gas was apparently nonlethal but caused semi-unconsciousness and drowsiness with any guest who stayed unprotected. The museum is working closely with the NYPD to have first access with possible suspect photos.
On the ground footage showed the thieves wore masks and street clothes with light rimmed glasses that blew out any footage that could be used as evidence. A livestream by GirlyGirl77 on Instagram recorded the beginnings of the attack. There appeared to be four men pulling out straps from their pockets and climbing the T-Rex display as the green gas filled the room. Drones broke through the front of the building and arrived unhindered to the site. Shortly after, the livestream stopped. We can assume GirlyGirl77 evacuated at this point.
Where was Spider-Man during all of this? The webhead was spotted near Hell's Kitchen around 12:59 according to WhereIsSpidey? Twitter fan account. He slung a little too slow and arrived along with the police to the scene after everything was over. After his questionable actions earlier this morning, especially using a woman as a safety cushion on a fall, the Daily Bugle wonders if our suspicions about our hero are coming true.
Is Spider-Man becoming sloppy? Has he stopped caring? Is he even a hero?
Earlier in the day, The Spider Report reported that the right calf of Spider-Man's suit was damaged in the disastrous fight last night with the Statues of History. While talking to the police, it appeared as if the tear had been repaired. Considering that Spider-Man was observed near Hell's Kitchen, we can assume that the superhero was with his mentor Tony Stark who gave him his suit and repairs it. Maybe he was trying to get advice? Maybe he was asking Iron Man to take over the case after last night's lackluster performance? Maybe he was hoping for an upgrade that might make his powers more than the current baby's squeaky toy?
The "hero" got stickily close to revealing his identity earlier today. Spider-Man was caught changing into his costume in NYPL's Mulberry Street Library as he tracked down another member of the claimed Statues of History. Several reporters have been sent down to the New York Public Library branch to see the footage around the bathroom that teenagers claim Spider-Man sprung from. The manager told us that the library would put out a statement shortly and that we should take a moment to advertise the free materials that the library has to offer. We are still waiting on the statement at this time.
The man that Spider-Man tracked down has not admitted to being part of the Statues of History. He has not confessed to anything besides running away from a masked threat. None of the captured confirmed members of the Statues of History have confessed. These "leads" are becoming a waste of our time and yours.
Spider-Man has become increasingly erratic these last couple weeks. Reports of him have come from all over the city at unpredictable hours. Crime has been spiking. On-site injuries has increased by 70%. He hardly waits for press, cameras, to give signatures or to take selfies with any of his flocking fans. Instead he hurries off as if he is completely disinterested in us.
The big city might be proving too much for our little spider hero.
The T-Rex has been beheaded.
New York City has lost another piece of art.
Are we supposed to rely on Spider-Man to fix this problem? Come on. Let's be realistic here. We need bigger guns…or to swap out for a rolled up newspaper.
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UPDATE (1:40): The New York Public Library has put forth the following statement:
We are happy to offer our resources and materials to all patrons including our masked crusader. The library has received hundreds of requests to release the security footage surrounding today to try to find out Spider-Man's identity. Our Head of Security and Director have reviewed the footage from Mulberry Street personally and we agree that the information of the man behind the mask is not available through our security footage. The staff have also been interviewed and did not see anything.
We will not be releasing the footage to any outside source. We will not be taking further questions about today. We will not be pursuing "finding out" Spider-Man's identity. Library staff have been informed to stop any interview of library personnel or with patrons on the premises. Several stills from the day are being printed out and will be hung in the branch to commemorate the day.
We want to personally thank Spider-Man for returning over $600 dollars worth of materials back to our library. We will keep a library card at the front desk if you ever wish to use our resources or if you need help with your research.
UPDATE (1:52): Statues of History have posted the following tweet on their account:
We gathered a King and a Queen. Where is your knight?
I did say that some of the hours would be represented in usual ways. This is one of them! I had such a blast writing for the Bugle. How do you think that Peter's feeling right about now?
Thank you for reading and your support. I really do appreciate it.
Quin
