It was a normal, if not slow, night at The Gates of Hell. The mood that the last session had cast upon everyone was still in full swing. Many of the good Smashers just weren't able to shake the fact that millions of Inklings died and they couldn't do anything to stop it. The Inkopolis natives took this harder, naturally, but Orange took it the hardest of all. After a few hours of drinking hard liquor alone, straight from the bottle, she found herself passed out, face down on the counter with a bottle in hand. Orange had been plagued with nightmares that only an alcohol-induced slumber in Rodin's bar could silence.
Lucas and Three appeared in the center of the bar. This has quickly become a routine over the past few days and, frankly, it was getting on Three's nerves.
"My Cod," Three sighed when she set eyes on her younger sister. A pool of drool had begun to form on the counter and was close to dripping down, "How much did she drink this time?"
"She managed to kill an entire bottle," Rodin replied. He took a puff from his cigar, "Get her outta my bar before business picks up,"
"I'll just use healing and then we'll-," Lucas began.
"She's not gonna learn if you keep curing her hangovers," Three protested with a tone of frustration.
"Learn what? Not to be depressed about destroying an entire city?" Lucas pointed out, "On some level, I get it,"
"Whatever," Three scoffed, "Just help me grab her,"
The two grabbed Orange and carried her all the way back to her room at the manor with little difficulty. They placed the drunken Inkling in her bed and just as Lucas was about to cast Healing, Three glared at him and he stopped. The two exited the room shortly after.
Orange found herself on the docks of Smash Town. It was late evening and the sun was beginning to set. In the harbor were various boats and ships that belonged to various Smashers. In front of her was Lucas, who looked to be yelling at her, but all sound seems muffled and distorted to her. Yet, she was reacting to it as though she understood completely. A few moments of clarity throughout the muffled speech offered some insight into what exactly he was yelling about.
"...you almost took away everything else I had… … … how can I trust you… … it doesn't matter what happened, you intended it…,"
Orange tried to explain herself, but Lucas had enough.
"I don't want to see you again!" He yelled as he pushed her off the docks and into the water. She struggled to stay afloat as her body dissolved. She cried for help but Lucas just stood there and watched. As the moment death would have been official, she woke up in her bed. She was just about as hungover as one would expect. She glanced over at her bedside table to check the time; 3:12 am. Another night's rest cut short by awful nightmares. At least she didn't have the one where Lucas morphed into a tentacle monster and crush her to death or any variant of the dream involving murderous octopus monsters for that matter.
For the next few hours, Orange just laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling, and dwelled on the things that she'd done. She knew, deep down, it wasn't really her fault, but that wasn't enough to sway her mind into feeling better about the whole ordeal. She feels awful for opting to burn down Tazmily Village, but if she opted to flood Inkopolis instead, she'd feel the exact same way she does now. There was nothing she could do, but she kept asking herself, what if?
Ted had gathered all the Smashers and sent them back to the ruined Inkopolis and, at the request of Remnant7, had them rebuild what they could. Ted admittedly did most of the heavy lifting, draining the water beforehand and reviving all the deceased citizens. The cephalopods that were brought to Smash Town last session were ecstatic and the good-aligned Smashers were happy to lend a hand however they could. The heavier Smashers, like Donkey Kong and Bowser, helped with clearing up large bits of rubble and carrying building supplies. Daniel and Isabelle helped with the aid of anyone who happened to be literate in the Inklish language, went through the original blueprints for the buildings in order to ensure everything was built back and up to code. The revived citizens of Inkopolis helped out in the rebuilding of the city as well.
Orange was feeling a bit better by this point. Everyone was alive and the damage of the flood was actively being fixed. Her sister, upon finding out Inkopolis would be saved, stopped holding a grudge against her. However, she still didn't want to talk to anyone about the incident and stayed away from many of the other Smashers, especially Lucas. She could feel the angry stares by disgruntled citizens who didn't know the full story of the flood piercing through her heart. Everyone close to her could easily forgive her for being in such a position, but what about the average citizen? It's likely that her reputation in Ink Sports would take a massive hit as a result of negative public opinion.
She had a lot more on her mind as she helped hang sheetrock in one of the stores on Inkopolis Square, but she suddenly found herself in a plain room with Lucas, Yusuke, Isabelle, Azura, Terry, Lucario, Fox, Zelda (from the fallen hero timeline), and Pac-Man standing against the walls. In the corners of the room were video cameras and loud speakers. The speakers turned on and a voice began to speak.
"While Ted is doing his thing and helping with a happy dare, I figured you all can help me with another dare that caught my eye," The voice was obviously Bob, although it was strange that he wasn't speaking with them directly.
"I do not like the sound of this," Yusuke said calmly.
"Oh no!" Isabelle panicked, "What's the dare going to be now?! Will the room fill up with water?! Will the walls come closing in on us?! I just want this to stop!"
"I have no idea what's going on," Terry said, "So… this isn't part of Smash either, right?"
"Hey Orange" Lucas greeted, "Are you okay?"
"...yeah," She answered. This was a half-truth. She was relieved that Inkopolis was on it's way back to normal, but her place in the city was uncertain. She was also still bothered by Lucas being so concerned for her. Her dreams keep telling her that he should hate her and yet, he's always there if she wanted to talk, although she never took the offer.
"This dare comes from 14shiffna and-," the announcement was interrupted by the sound of a sudden rush of wind.
"Where. Is. She?" Said an unknown, pissed off voice.
In a security room monitoring the plain room, a ten foot tall tentacle monster, with a black spherical head, beady eyes, and a menacing grin, had Bob wrapped up in it's yellow tentacles. The monster wore a teacher's cap and a robe. In the room with them were the famous Squid Sisters, but they were tied up at the moment. Bob was calm about the whole ordeal.
"Korosensei, how'd you get here?" Bob asked.
The monster named Korosensei slammed the host against the walls at supersonic speed. The Squid Sisters were in awe at this feat.
"I hope he's on our side," Callie wished.
"I dunno, this seems like a personal dispute," Marie replied.
"Where is she?!" The monster yelled as he continued thrashing Bob all over.
"I just wanted to borrow her for a sec," Bob yelled as he was being trashed about, "Stop throwing me around and I'll give her back in ten minutes. Promise,"
Korosensei tossed Bob against a wall and calmed down a little, indicated by his face color changing from black to red. A woman with long black hair ran into the room.
"Korosensei! Are you alright!? Did you find Yoko?!" She asked.
"Everything is fine for now, Hazama," Korosensei assured. While keeping his eyes on Bob, Korosensei used his tentacles to untie the Squid Sisters in the blink of an eye.
"Let me guess. You hitched a ride to this universe through Larry," Bob figured, "With Hazama as his boss, she has access to cross universe travel,"
"Quit changing the subject," Korosensei demanded. His face changed from red to his natural yellow color, "But if we're going to be guessing each other's intentions, I assume you took my daughter to use her old power just for a sick laugh,"
"That was the idea," Bob confirmed. He got up off the floor and walked over to the monitors overviewing the plain room. He engaged to microphone once more, "I apologise for the delay. Now for the main event. Behold, Yoko Yukimura!"
In the plain room, an American-looking little girl of about four years of age appeared in the center of the room. On the video feed in the security room, her image was censored.
"Why can't we see her?" Callie asked.
"You don't want to… not like this," Korosensei answered.
The moment everyone in the room gazed upon the little girl, they felt a sudden rush of adrenaline followed by a wave of paranoia.
"Somethings wrong, I can feel it," Orange muttered to herself as she looked around at the others in the room. In her mind, everyone seemed like they were out to get her and it was all because of the girl. Orange, and everyone else in the room, figured that the best way to tackle this situation would be to kill everyone else in the room. Only then could she get rid of the girl once and for all.
Just as Orange was about to make her first strike with her inkbrush, Lucas whacks her across the face with a stick. Just as this happened, the entire room erupted into a free-for-all brawl. Even those who were usually mild mannered were bloodthirsty savages. Azura used her lance to hold off Isabelle, who was charging at her like a rabid animal. Terry was beating the crap out of Pac-Man, Fox and Lucario were firing shots at each other while Zelda summoned a Phantom Guardian to deal with Yusuke's persona, Kamu Susano-o.
"Why did they all start fighting all of a sudden?" Callie asked.
"Yoko Yukimura, previously designated as SCP-053," Bob began.
"SCP?" Marie asked, "Is this like some Top Secret stuff?"
"Correct, the SCP Foundation contains literally thousands of anomalous items, people, creatures, and places," Bob answered, "What makes SCP-053 so special, is that if anyone older than her makes eye contact, touches her, or is even in the same room as her, they will go into a paranoid murderous rage. Then, they'll try killing everyone around them. Once this is accomplished, they'll go after SCP-053,"
"That's awful!" Callie exclaimed.
"So they go after the girl once they finish everyone else," Marie confirmed, "There has to be something else, otherwise this problem seems to solve itself,"
"Just watch," Bob said.
Back in the room, Orange tried her best to overcome Lucas's psychic powers. Her ink weapons gave her a decent chance, but after being burned, frozen, and electrocuted, she was on her last legs. Lucas slammed her against the wall and began to choke the last remaining life out of her. Just when all seemed lost for the Inkling, her phone rang. As her ringtone (Calamari Inkantation as performed by the Squid Sister) went off, Lucas and Orange had a moment of clarity amidst the madness. Lucas was immediately horrified at what he was doing and released Orange's neck from his grip. Before they could assess the situation at hand, a crazed Yusuke cut the two of them down with his katana.
The bloodshed continued until only Terry remained. At this point, he was heavily wounded and the nine other fighters were dead and scattered all over the place. All he had left to deal with was little Yoko, who merely stood around and tried not to get in anyone's way during the fighting. In his altered state of mind, Terry used Buster Wolf on the little girl. He practically smashed her head in as she went flying toward the wall. Suddenly, the fighter felt a pain in his chest. He clenched the pain then fell to the ground. He didn't get up after that.
Yoko's head started to reshape itself. The bits of blood and brain matter came rushing back toward her and any burns or bruises she endured healed right away. Immediately after she was done regenerating, Bob disabled the anomalous effects that had her designated as an SCP in the first place and uncensored the footage.
"Alright, I'm done," Bob smiled, "She's-," Korosensei immediately zoomed out of the room at supersonic speeds leaving Bob, Hazama, and the Squid Sisters in the dust.
"That was awful," Callie cried.
Marie was more level-headed about the events that had just unfolded, but the sheer brutality still made her shudder. "To think that such a sweet looking little girl was cursed like that," She muttered to herself.
Korosensei zoomed back into the security room soon after that exchange with Yoko in his tentacles.
"Daddy, can I go home?" Yoko asked. She asked this of Korosensei so nonchalantly. It made the Squid Sisters wonder how many times she'd been the victim to similar attacks.
"Of course," Korosensei replied, "Anything for my daddy's little girl,"
"Let's find a broom closet or something so Larry can get us home," Hazama said, "The less I'm reminded of this game's existence, the better,"
Once those three left, Bob turned his attention toward Callie and Marie. "So, you two are going to be coming with me,"
"Why?" Callie demanded to know.
"Because Groundon really likes helium," Bob replied.
"Don't know what that has to do with us," Marie said, "But I guess we have no choice in the matter,"
"You really don't," Bob confirmed.
It had been about a week since the Inkopolis clean-up. Usually, it'd be about time for Bob to start the next session of Truth or Dare, but even he was a sucker for the holidays. Therefore, he decided to give the Smashers a reprieve from the games until after New Year's Day. During this time, they were still trapped in Smash Town, with the exception of Sans, who regularly 'takes shortcuts' between Smash Town and Grillby's to hang out with his pals back home. Even with the hostage situation still being in effect, it didn't stop many of the Smashers from celebrating.
Snowfall started to become a regular occurrence in the forecast. Many businesses decorated their storefronts accordingly. The younger ones, like the Ice Climbers and Atreus played in the snow, with Kirby regularly joining in, while everyone mostly stayed warm indoors. The Roost saw an uptick in customers during this time. A nice, hot cup of coffee was what most everyone needed during these times and it was just about worth it to face the cold to order a cup.
In the Roost, on an early Monday morning, Daniel and Isabelle were sitting at a table waiting for Brewster to brew their coffee. Isabelle was wearing her usual work attire, but wore her glasses as well. (She's nearsighted) She didn't usually wear them with her work attire, but when she arrived to Town Hall, Daniel was locking the front doors. When Daniel informed that she didn't need to work today, she decided that it would be okay to put them on.
"Are you sure we should take the week off?" Isabelle asked, "It just doesn't feel… right,"
"Isabelle, I've been trying to get you to take a day off ever since I became a mayor," Daniel said, "Just take it,"
"But what if a new Smasher arrives? Won't they need a place to stay? And what about-,"
"Isabelle, I promise everything will be alright," Daniel assured, "You worry too much, you know that?"
Brewster walked over with their coffee and set them down on the table. "Here you are… Enjoy… coo," He said before retreating behind the counter.
"Thank you, Brewster," Daniel replied.
They took a sip of their coffee. Isabelle liked her coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Daniel, on the other hand, liked the Blue Mountain brew with no milk or sugar. No matter how it tasted, it warmed their bodies on this cold, snowy day. As Daniel drank his cup, he started getting lost in thought. It had been a while since the young mayor could simply relax without having to worry about dying or accidentally killing people and it just felt strange to him. It was as though he was in the eye of the storm known as Bob's Truth or Dare and he couldn't help but wonder what horrific thing will happen to him this time.
"Daniel, are you alright?" Isabelle asked. She had noticed his expression slowly turning gloomy.
"Uh… yeah," Daniel replied, "I'm just…," He took a deep breath, "I just can't stop thinking about this dare stuff. I thought taking the week off would help clear my head, but that's not the case,"
"Yeah," Isabelle murmured, "I don't like it when they dare you. They always do something horrible to you,"
"They do something awful to everyone here and if they don't, they will eventually. I guess we just have to get used to it until it passes,"
The two sigh and look down into their coffee cups. "I hope Azura isn't mad about the other day," Isabelle muttered.
"If the cursed child thing is true, I'm sure she'll forgive you,"
"I hope so,"
They both quickly steered away from the sad conversation and onto more typical talking points, asking about each other's family, plans for their town once they get back, and funny stories involving their town's residents. Isabelle told a story about how she went ballistic on a resident for accidentally breaking a window in town hall.
"I've heard every now and again that you've been known to go off on others, but even now I find that hard to believe," Daniel smiled.
"It was during the time when the old mayor retired and before you arrived," Isabelle explained, "I was much busier than I usually was and I want to say that was approaching… I think day three of no sleep,"
"Three days?! Was it really that bad?"
"There were mountains of paperwork everywhere, I had to get Mr. Tortimer's retirement stuff in order, handle property disputes among the villagers, The Nooks split up their house building and general store business, the flowers hadn't been watered yet, and the last thing I needed was for Bill to throw a stinking baseball through the window," Isabelle was light-heartingly ranting about this, but her tone seemed to shift to be slightly frustrated by the end.
"Bet you were glad I came along, huh?"
"It was a massive weight off my shoulders," Isabelle finished up the last of her coffee, "You were the best thing to ever happen to Oakshire,"
Daniel was pretty flattered by this complement. "I think you're exaggerating a little bit,"
"C'mon, you've seen the town when you arrived. I'm not saying it was bad, but it felt like there could be more to Oakshire; things that differentiate it from other quaint towns,"
"The town sure did grow a lot… wait, doesn't that mean more paperwork for you?"
"Yeah, but we get K.K. Slider to perform at Club LOL every week. I'm happy with that tradeoff,"
"What if the window gets broken again?"
"I'll go Isabellistic, as Bill says,"
They both laughed and decided that it was about time to leave. They paid for their drinks and prepared themselves to face the cold once more. Once they opened the door, the cold breeze sent shivers down their spines and gave them goosebumps.
"Is it me or did it get colder while we were inside?" Isabelle asked.
"The wind certainly picked up," Daniel noted, "Wanna stop by my house? It's closer to the Roost than the Manor. That and I have something to give you,"
He's never invited me to his house before? What's the deal?... Then again, I was always working… But he's admitted he has a crush on me… well, maybe not a crush. He just admitted to wanting to kiss me… THAT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING!... right?...
She was so lost in her internal monologue that, before she knew it, she found herself walking into Daniel's home. The house wasn't nearly as big as his home back in Oakshire, but it was certainly spacious yet cozy at the same time. The living room they walked into had a big red carpet that covered the entire floor and the wallpaper made it look like they were in a log cabin. It paired well with the fireplace that was installed as well the gorgeous red couch he had, as well as all the other furnishings Daniel had organized.
Daniel ran into the kitchen for a moment and came out with a present. "Happy Birthday!"
"Already?!" Isabelle exclaimed.
"December twentieth, right?" Daniel handed the present to Isabelle.
"That's right. But… you know you didn't have to get me anything. Toy Day is only a few days away,"
"So? I felt like I should give you something today. We'll worry about Toy Day when it gets here,"
Isabelle opened the present and inside was K.K. Slider's latest album. Isabelle would normally be excited by such a gift. He is her favorite music artist, afterall. However, she also knew that was true for Daniel and she picked a Toy Day gift for him accordingly.
"Is… something wrong?" Daniel asked.
"I sorta… got you the same thing for… Toy Day," Isabelle sheepishly replied.
Daniel couldn't help but laugh at the coincidence. "What are the odds?"
"I'm so sorry, Daniel,"
"So we got the same thing for each other. That's nothing to be sorry about,"
"You think so?"
"I think it's kinda… sweet… that we did this," Daniel blushed.
"Really?" Isabelle blushed. They two bashfully avoided each other's glances and awkwardly stood around for a few seconds before Daniel spoke up.
"So… do you want to stay here for a while... like, until it gets a bit warmer. If you want to, of course,"
"Oh! Yeah… That sounds nice,"
The two of them eventually got over their nervousness as they sat on the couch and stared into the fireplace while drinking hot chocolate and listening to the new album. The album was laid back for the most part, like the musician that made it.
"Hey Isabelle… I've…," He took a moment to collect himself, "I don't know if you remember what I said in Hyrule, but…I wanna know if-"
"If you want to date?! Get married?! Have a litter of puppies?! Grow old together?!"
"Uh?"
"...Did I say that out loud?"
Daniel chuckled. "It's fine, really. I just wanted to, like, after this dare stuff, maybe we could… try that,"
"A-are you sure? What about my work schedule?"
"You're the one who keeps coming into work when I keep telling you to take a day off. The town's done fine with the villagers self governing this long. I'm sure we can take days off for ourselves,"
"I mean… if you think it's okay… I'd really like that,"
Daniel took a breath of relief. "I'm glad. I'll be honest, I was nervous about asking you, but I think you were more panicked than I was,"
"I'm sorry,"
"Don't be… I think it's cute,"
Samus hates winter. She's hated it ever since she was injected with Metroid DNA. While it did save her from being killed by the deadly X Parasite, it's left her with an extreme sensitivity to the cold. Normally in Smash Brothers, this would only be a problem if she were fighting in her zero suit on a cold stage or if she were hit by cold attacks like the Ice Climbers freezing powers or Lucas's PK freeze. Even then, she could tough it out until the match ended since they usually never ran any longer than five minutes anyway.
But with Bob keeping everyone around longer than they should be and the weather turning colder and colder, this has become a daily issue. Anything lower than thirty-two degrees fahrenheit was uncomfortable (more so than it would normally be for a woman like her) and anything zero and below was outright deadly if she stayed out for an extended period of time. She had no choice but to wear her Varia Suit anytime she planned on leaving the manor, which she made sure to keep to a minimal.
Unfortunately, she still needed to eat, so grocery runs were done while she fully donned the Varia Suit. It was basically a second skin to the bounty hunter at this point, but one of the many things she liked about Smash was that she got to have downtime where wearing the suit wasn't necessary. Even though it was a fighting tournament, it was a time to relax and take a break from saving the galaxy from some alien threat.
It wasn't all bad though. The manor had a modest gym that she could work with so she stayed fit. The woman had always been a bit of a loner, but during her years in Smash, she's learned to open up more. What better way to talk to people than to be stuck indoors where half of the roster resided anyway? As long as she stayed away from drafty windows, the heating in the manor was more than enough to make her feel comfortable. When she wasn't doing any kind of training, she could often be found sitting around reading books, working on her mediocre cooking skills, or falling asleep with Pikachu or Pichu nuzzled up with her.
In a far off universe, totally disconnected from Super Smash Brothers in just about every way, an old man in a lab coat was working on some strange sci-fi gadget in the garage of a seemingly normal suburban neighborhood. He had some kind of spaceship that looked like your typical UFO out in the front driveway while inside the garage were various other gadgets, gizmos, and sensors. Just as a fourteen-year-old boy opened the door to the garage, one of these sensors began to sound quite frantically. The old man turned around to address the blaring sensor that was going off.
"Oh shit!" The old man yelled.
"What's that beeping?" The boy asked.
"Morty, get the crystallized xanthenite from the cable box!" The old man yelled as he scrambled to gather the necessary tools needed to handle this unknown threat, "Quick! We don't have much time,"
"Oh jeez!" Morty exclaimed as he ran back into the house, through the kitchen and into the living room. While inside, he noticed that his family, who had been watching TV, seemed to be frozen in time. This was noticeably apparent because his clumsy father seemed to have spilled a bowl of popcorn when this time freeze happened, leaving the bowl and its contents floating in the air.
"Dammit Morty! Hurry up! If we don't get this we'll have to change universes again!" Morty quickly jumped back into action and grabbed the pinkish crystal that was affixed to the cable box and quickly ran back to the garage to find the old man in his spaceship and ready to take off. Morty quickly gets in the ship with the crystallized xanthenite as they take off into the sky to search for the source of the problem.
"What's happening Rick?" Morty frantically asked, "Why's time frozen?"
"Because Morty," Rick began with a burp, "Some idiot decided to take a very destructive shortcut for interdimensional travel. Basically we've been cut away from the rest of the Multiverse and the laws of reality are all out of wack,"
"Oh jeez!" Morty exclaimed, "But wait, why aren't we frozen like everyone else,"
"Because I embedded a chip in your spinal cord that makes you immune to this shit,"
"How many of your inventions have you put inside me,"
"You don't want to know the answer to that. I don't want you questioning your-," Just then, the beeping from the sensor became louder and the frequency increased," Alright, we're here. You got the crystal?"
"Yeah," Morty replied as he handed the pinkish crystal to Rick. Rick descended to a field in the middle of nowhere. As they landed, they noticed two teenagers, a boy with black hair and a girl with long orange hair, frozen in time after just having walked outside of a portal that looked like a tear in the very fabric of the universe. Rick inserted the crystal in a device that looked like some kind of handheld sewing machine and the two stepped out of the spaceship.
Rick quickly looked over the two teenagers and noticed a plastic knife in the girl's hands. Rick took the knife and inspected it. "Just as I suspected. An anomalous item that just so happens to create portals. Well, it's not anomalous to me, but what is anymore?" Rick approached the portal and grabbed the edges of it. He was able to pull the edges together and he used the sewing gun to stitch it together.
"Rick, I-I think I know who these two are!" Morty exclaimed.
"Dammit Morty! What did I tell you about taking my portal gun?!" Rick scolded as he continued sealing the portal.
"No Rick, I mean, I know them from a video game called Persona 5,"
"Interesting," Rick said sarcastically, "Does this game happen to have other shit that can tear holes in the universe?"
"No… the only thing they have are these, like, spirits or something, that fight alongside them,"
"Ugh, so they're Stand users," Rick concluded as he finished patching up the portal, "Word of advice, don't ever stab yourself with an arrow that'll give you powers like that. First of all, I think it would kill you, because you're a bitch, but on the off chance it doesn't, other wackjobs with similar powers will try to kill you on a weekly basis. It's like they're drawn to each other or something,"
"Okay," Morty replied, not knowing exactly what Rick was rambling about, "but is everything okay now?"
"It should be in three… two… one," After Rick's countdown, time in the universe resumed. Akira and Futaba's momentum continued, indicating that they were possibly running from something on the other side of the patched portal. They quickly realized that someone had intervened when Futaba noticed the knife was out of her hand and Akira noticed the portal was patched.
"I-It's over?" Akira muttered.
"We're… safe," Futaba began to cry.
"Not quite," Rick said. During this time, Rick had put away the portal sewing device and got out a stun gun, which he immediately used to shoot Futaba and Akira. Thousands of volts of electricity coursed through their bodies as they fell over each other and were knocked unconscious.
"Wha-What the hell Rick?!" Morty exclaimed, "Why'd you do that?"
"Because if I turn these brats in, along with this knife, we can get a nice reward," Rick explained as he dragged Akira to the spaceship, "Now grab the girl and take her to the car,"
The two stuffed the interdimensional travellers into the backseat and took off in their spaceship once more.
"Now, bad news," Rick began, "The crystalized xanthenite I used to patch that portal was depleted of its energy in the process, so no more interdimensional cable until I can get a new one,"
"Aw man," Morty whined.
"But, once we turn these guys in, Morty, we'll have so many fuckin' flurbos. We're gonna hit up Blips and Chitz after this, just you and me… maybe your sister,"
"How many flurbos do you think we'll get?"
"Like, thirty thousand flurbos, and you know what they just got? Roy Three, motherfucka!"
Morty quickly stopped caring so much about the fate of their captives as they flew off into the stars.
Back in Smash Town, Akira, Yusuke, and Morgana went with Ryuji to check out the new shop that had been advertised in the last session. Ryuji hadn't yet picked out a Christmas gift for Ann and with only three days until then, he wanted to get her something special. Despite Akira and Morgana insisting it was an awful idea to buy anomalous goods from the salesmen, Ryuji persisted and they decided to accompany him to keep him out of trouble.
The storefront was quite small, taking the place of an alleyway in between two established businesses. The sign above the door, which was the nicest looking part of the exterior, read 'The Bizarre Bazaar'.
"Alright, let's see what this place's got," Ryuji exclaimed.
"This is the last time I'm saying this," Akira sighed, "Just shop at the damn Emporium,"
"Surely Ann would appreciate a gift that you wouldn't have to risk life and limb to obtain," Yusuke spoke.
"Yeah," Morgana agreed, "If I were you, I'd get her only the finest, most beautiful clothes and perhaps some sweets to top it off. Like a box of chocolates or a-," Morgana was interrupted by the chiming of the doorbell as Ryuji and Yusuke entered the building.
"You were starting to come off a little too strong there," Akira warned.
"Let's just go inside," Morgana sighed. Akira walked into the shop with Morgana in tow and once he stepped in, the whole store opened up to him. For some inexplicable reason, the interior was much bigger than the exterior let on. The layout of the store was consistent to that of a thrift store, with items loosely organized and scattered about the place. The objects inside the shop didn't appear to stray far off from what would typically be found in such an establishment. To their right was a counter. On top of the counter was a cash register and a bowl of candy with a note attached saying 'take no more than two, please!'. As Ryuji took two candies from the bowl, Fernando rose from behind the counter with me in hand.
"Welcome to The Bizarre Bazaar! What can I interest you in today?" Fernando greeted, "We currently have a special on toasters such as myself," Fernando said while presenting me.
"Is there anything weird about me?" Morgana asked.
"No, I can toast bread perfectly fine," Fernando said, "In fact, I'm one of the finest toasters out there,"
"You both realize you are referring to me in the first-person, do you not?" Yusuke asked.
"So this is the weird thing about me?" Akira asked, "If so, I'm mildly annoying at best,"
"If you think I'm strange, you've seen nothing yet," Fernando said.
"Look I don't care about myself," Ryuji exclaimed, "I just want a good Christmas gift for my girlfriend,"
"Well, I suppose you wouldn't want me then," Fernando said, "Perhaps I could interest you in some of our more adult products?"
Morgana momentarily retreated into Akira's bag to scream into a small pillow that was inside before quickly popping back out.
"Like what…?" Ryuji inquired.
Fernando led the gang to the back of the store, which was cordoned off by a curtain. The first product Fernando introduced them to was contained in a glass cell. Akira was the first to make eye contact with the subject, which had been a disgusting, cronenberged mass of various extremities and orfacies and immediately began to shapeshift into Haru. This 'Haru' wore a dominatrix outfit and wielded a riding crop and stared at Akira seductively.
"This right here is a shapeshifting entity that morphs into your strongest sexual desire," Fernando explained.
The rest of the gang turned their heads to Akira. "Yep, sounds about right," He casually responded.
"Perhaps it has something to do with your incarceration," Yusuke guessed.
"I dunno, maybe," Akira shrugged.
"O-kay," Ryuji said, "Anyway, I was hoping for something a bit less… extreme,"
"I suppose we could try something else," Fernando led them to the opposite side of the room and toward a shelf filled with various adult themed objects. But Fernando picked up a small red container of nail polish "This nail polish has been known to increase sexual pleasure of both the user and their partner," Morgana momentarily retreated into the backpack yet again to scream into a pillow.
"What's the catch?" Ryuji commented.
"Uh… she's the dominant one," Fernando technically answered with the truth, "Oh, and lots of scratching,"
"Nah, I'm good," Ryuji said.
Fernando then led the group to a shelf full of accessories, like socks, brackets, and headbands. All of these accessories had a cartoon character of a ghostly, angel-like sperm cell with X's in its eyes. Just above this image were the words 'just DID'.
"Uh, what kind of brand is this?" Ryuji asked.
"This is the just DID line of contraceptive clothing. Just have your lady wear this, and pregnancy won't be a worry," Morgana retreated into the backpack yet again to scream into the pillow.
"Alright, that sounds too awesome to be true. What's the catch?" Ryuji accused.
"I mean… have you looked at the design," Fernando said, dodging the question.
"He's right, it is rather tacky," Yusuke agreed.
"True… but it's still pretty awesome," Ryuji said.
Morgana poked his head out of the backpack. "That's not a gift for her! You're thinking about yourself!"
"None of your business, cat!" Ryuji argued.
"He does have a point though," Akira chimed in.
"Fine…," Ryuji sighed.
"Eh… perhaps these products area but much," Fernando suggested, "I just thought of the perfect gift, one that'll be fit for a queen. Follow me back to my counter,"
The gang proceeded to do just that. Fernando got behind the counter and pulled out a small, silver hand bell.
"What's this do?" Ryuji asked.
"Allow me to show you," Fernando rang the bell. Moments later, a well dressed British man walked into the shop.
"You rang, Mr. Ortiz?" The man asked Fernando.
"Please introduce yourself," Fernando requested.
"Good afternoon gentlemen, I am Dr. Deeds," The man introduced, "I am a butler, of course, and if you have any requests, I will accomplish them to the best of my abilities,"
"You know, that's kinda cool," Ryuji said as he reached for his third piece of candy from the candy bowl. Once he picked up the piece of candy, his hands were instantly and cleanly severed at the wrists by an unknown force.
"My hands!" Ryuji screamed as blood spurted out of his wrists, "Holy fuck! My fucking hands! What the hell did you do to my hands?!" Akira and Yusuke frantically grabbed a separate arm and applied pressure at the wrists.
"I apologise, but I had nothing to do with your sudden amputation," Mr. Deeds said, "Shall I aquire some tourniquets to slow the bleeding?"
"Yes!" They all screamed. Mr. Deeds left the store momentarily.
Fernando sighed, "Did you take more than two candies from the candy dish? There's a note on it for a reason,"
"Well maybe you should of put a note up saying that it'll cut off your fucking hands!" Ryuji yelled.
Mr. Deeds returned with the tourniquets and senched them down around the middle of his forearms. This didn't stop the bleeding, but it bought Ryuji enough time to be taken to Dr. Mario's clinic.
Akira, Yusuke, and Morgana waited in the lobby while the doctor worked his magic. A few hours later, Ryuji and Dr. Mario emerged from the operating room with temporary prosthetics.
"This was strangest case of amputation I've ever seen," Dr. Mario commented, "The cut was perfect, which in theory would make reattachment easy, but it kept being rejected. He should be alright tomorrow morning, when all death and injuries reset,"
Ryuji sighed in defeat. "Let's see what T&T has,"
"This is what happens when you don't read warnings in a paranormal shop," Morgana sassed.
Ryuji pointed an artificial hand at Morgana. "If I had hands right now... I'd strangle you,"
"All's well that ends well," Akira smirked.
It was another cold day on Christmas Eve. It was later in the morning and yet, hardly anyone was awake. The lazy days of the holidays were in full swing. However, a last minute request by one of the reviewers sent Bob and Ted back to Smash Town to oversee his act of holiday cheer.
Everyone was instantly awoken and teleported to the Manor's foyer. Most everyone was groggy, lethargic, and in their pajamas. In Bob and Ted's company was a smiling young man wearing a santa costume and lugging a large sack over his shoulder.
"I thought you weren't going to bug us," Mario yawned.
"That was the plan, but Remnant here just had to do this," Ted announced in an irritated tone, "You know how long this chapter will be now?"
"That sounds wonderful," Remnant smiled.
"You're one of the reviewers?!" Pit realized, probably way later than everyone else.
"Yes I am!" Remnant grinned, "I'm the guy that made you take those devil deals with Ted and made you and Viridi play forty-nine minutes in heaven,"
"That was you?!" Viridi yelled
"Oh, shut up, you liked it," Tetra yawned.
"No I-," Viridi suddenly felt a surge of voltage shoot down her spine.
"Oh yeah, lying is still punishable by electrical shock," Bob reminded.
"Hear that Pit?" Palutena whispered to him.
"Have you asked her out yet?" Rosalina whispered.
"N-not yet… and stop being so interested in my love life,"
"Anyway, Remnant here would like to give away some Christmas gifts," Ted announced, "Take it away, dude,"
"Season greetings Smashers!" Remnant greeted, "I've got a lot of gifts to hand out today," He opened up the sack and started pulling out PlayStation 4's and televisions, "Come on up! Everyone gets a TV and a PS4, pre-loaded with the Dark Souls trilogy! These will always work, even if you come from a world without electrical outlets,"
"Woah! What year did that come out?" Ness exclaimed.
"End of 2013," Futaba quickly answered.
"That's a full decade ahead! Awesome!" Ness exclaimed as he claimed his gift.
"It's all a matter of perspective, kid," Samus said as she claimed her gift, "Because these belong in museums,"
Remnant continued to hand out PS4's and TVs until everyone had one. Then he moved onto the special gifts.
"Alright, now I have these fuzzy slippers for Mario," Remnant stated as he pulled a pair of gray fuzzy slippers. Mario took his gift and put them on. He had been barefoot in his pajamas and the heat wasn't on in the foyer, so these warm slippers were nice.
"Thank you," Mario said, "Just what I needed,"
"I'm glad you enjoy them," Remnant replied as he went into the bag again and pulled out a lightsaber, "Ness, this is for you,"
"Is that a lightsaber?" Ness asked.
"Why, of course!" Remnant answered.
Ness turned the lightsaber on and a hot pink beam of light appeared from the hilt.
"Ha, you got a pink one," Toony teased.
"I don't care, it's a fucking lightsaber!" Ness exclaimed.
Next, Remnant pulled out a body from the bag. This body looked exactly like Bob. "For you, Bob, a new body made of flesh and bone,"
"Wow! Really!?" Bob went over to the lifeless body and looked at it in awe, "Let's take this vessel for a spin," Bob placed his hand over the forehead of the body and with a flash of magic energy, Bob's mechanical body went limp and the organic body opened its eyes.
"How's it feel to truly be alive?" Remnant asked.
Bob, for the first time in a long time, began to feel tears form in his eyes. He sprang up and gave the reviewer a hug, "Thank you! This is the best Christmas ever!"
"I'm glad you like it," Remnant said as he eased his way out of the hug and moved on to give more gifts. His next gift was a seemingly normal bottle of ketchup, which he tossed to Sans.
"nice," Sans opened the bottle of ketchup and began chugging. He continued to chug the bottle for what seemed like forever, yet the flow of tomatoey goodness just kept flowing. Sans stopped drinking only so he could get some air, "how much is in here anyway?"
"It's an infinite bottle of ketchup," Remnant explained, "Oh, and you won't have to worry about Frisk resetting the timeline anymore. I took that ability away from her,"
Sans smiled. Frisk was a sweet little girl who wouldn't harm a fly, but he was aware that she had some kind of ability that allowed her to mess with time. While him, Toriel, Papyrus, and all her other friends did their best to look after and take care of her, he worried that one bad day would cause Frisk to throw this good life away. "i appreciate it,"
"Snake, you are now immortal and you can keep your shinigami eyes!" Remnant announced.
"No thanks," Snake declined.
"Your wel-... excuse me?"
"I'll be fine with getting my original life span back. I've already gotten comfortable with the fact that I'll die shortly after I leave this tournament,"
"Are… you sure?" Remnant asked.
"I'm sure," Snake answered, "Immortality seems to have problems of its own and I don't want them,"
"I guess,"
"Also, being able to tell when someone is going to die is… unsettling, to say the least," As he said this, he glanced over to the Hero of Time, whose countdown seemed to be much shorter than it should be for someone so young at just a few days over ten years.
"Well, I can't exactly take that away. Sorry," Remnant apologized. He quickly moved on however and went up to Rosalina and Palutena with the bag in tow, "Ladies, you can both pick something out of here. Any magic item I've collected through out my adventures in the multiverse,"
"I'm flattered by the offer, Remnant, but I can just whip up almost any magic item I want," Palutena informed him.
"Well, I'm sure there's something we could use here," Rosalina said as she pulled out what appeared to be a deck of fancy playing cards.
"That's the Deck of Many Things, a very wondrous item that is capable of so much, good and bad,"
"Eh… no thanks…," Rosalina said as she placed the deck back into the bag and grabbed a frying pan, "What does this do?"
"It makes any meal prepared with it taste wonderful," Remnant answered.
"See Palutena, we found a gift we could use,"
"Hooray…," Palutena said sarcastically.
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not a good cook either,"
"And before the final gift, I just want to let everyone know that therapy sessions are available for anyone who needs them. Like, with an actual therapist," Remnant passed business cards to Lucas and Orange before he moved back up to the front of the group, "But now, until the start of the next session, everyone gets to go home!" Everyone cheered as a portal opened up in the foyer.
"Alright, here's how this works," Ted butted in, "This portal will stay up until the next session. Until then, this portal will transport you to anywhere you want to go in the multiverse. You'll be able to travel to other parts of the multiverse in case you'd like to visit each other and your ages will be brought back to normal during this time. After New Year's, we're going to Tazmily Village,"
"Oh no," Lucas and Orange shuddered.
"Alright, peace out," Ted and Bob walked through the portal and disappeared from Smash Town.
"Merry Christmas!" Remnant shouted as he entered the portal.
Toony and Tetra found themselves on Outset Island after they entered the portal. They appeared in the middle of the village, amazing the villagers that happened to be standing nearby.
"Big Brother!" A girl's voice screamed from the top of a watchtower on the docks. The girl quickly climbed down the ladder and ran to Toony. It was Aryll, Toony's little sister, "Welcome back Big Brother!"
"Hey Aryll! How's everything been?"
"Nothing's really changed since you two left. Well… Zill learned to wipe his nose, but that's it,"
"Finally!" Toony exclaimed.
"I know, right!" Aryll agreed, "Wanna see Grandma?"
"Of course I do," Toony replied.
"I think she's taking a nap. I'll go wake her up," Aryll then ran off to their home to inform their grandmother of the good news. Toony and Tetra slowly followed. As they walked, they felt a dark presence looming over them, followed by a crunch. They looked behind them to find Ryuk just floating behind them and munching on an apple.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Toony asked.
"Just watching. Figured I'd follow everyone around for the holidays, see how every one's doing," The God of Death answered
"We don't want you around," Tetra said, "You'll give the old lady a heart attack,"
"She can't see me," Ryuk replied, "She hasn't touched the Death Note,"
"Yeah, but can she see that apple you're eating?" Toony asked.
Ryuk, who had just eaten the apple down to the core, looked at his snack and threw the rest of it into his mouth, "Now she can't," He replied as he chewed.
Just then, Link's grandmother stepped out of the house with Aryll and waved to Toony and Tetra. Ryuk's shinigami eyes could hardly make out his grandmother's exact remaining lifespan, but he figured she was close.
"Please, just go away," Toony sighed.
Ryuk chuckled. "Fine. There are more apples in the wild Hyrule anyway,"
The portal back to Tokyo opened up in the basement above Cafe Leblanc. The entire Phantom Thief gang stepped out of the portal and into the dusty, unused room. It was just as Akira left it when his probation ended and he returned to his home.
"It feels so good to be here," Akira breathed as he flopped on his old bed, "Even if it's only a few days,"
The owner of the establishment, Sojiro Sakura, heard Akira flopping on the mattress from down stairs and ran up to investigate. "Kids! You all here! Does that mean-?"
"That we stole his heart? Not even close," Ann sighed.
"To say the heist went horribly would be a severe understatement," Yusuke commented.
"We're going back after New Year's," Makoto sighed.
"To think a crazed, universe hopping maniac would be merciful enough to give you the holidays off," Sojiro commented.
"I wasn't his idea, that's for sure," Morgana said. Because of a ruling by Ted, Morgana's voice was able to be heard by anyone, including Sojiro.
"Did… did I just hear the cat talk?" Sojiro asked.
"That's right! Ted allowed everyone to hear Morgana a few weeks ago," Haru exclaimed, "I guess the changes he makes carry over,"
"Well, nice to finally be able to speak to you," Sojiro said, "By the way, I got coffee and curry in downstairs if anyone wants some,"
"Maybe later Boss," Ryuji said, "I gotta get home to mom. She's definitely worried,"
"I should probably head out too," Ann added.
"It's been forever since I've had good curry," Futaba whined, "You spoil me, Sojiro,"
Just then a birthday cake materialized on the desk in Akira's room, along with a card addressed to Haru. Haru hesitantly opened the card.
Happy (late) Birthday Haru. You and Akira enjoy yourselves.
Then a coupon materialized in front of Akira's face. It floated down into his hand and read it. It was a coupon for a free night at a love hotel. Sojiro just happened to glance at the coupon too.
"Hoo boy,"
After a few days of being back in Inkopolis, Orange had decided to take the therapy session that had been offered to her. The therapist was in Smash Town, so she took the portal back to the mostly empty town. It didn't take much searching to find the place indicated on the card. It was one of the unused storefronts on Main Street, a place called Phantom Therapy. She took a deep breath as she stepped into the office.
The so called therapist was strange. He appeared to be an entity made of liquified television static that took on a human form and wore a trench coat. He greeted Orange kindly enough though and while she had her doubts, she decided to give it a shot.
She started her session just laying on the couch and talking about her problems. All of the things that bugged her from the strange nightmares, the flooding and rebuilding of Inkopolis, her future career in Ink Sports, her feelings about Lucas, and many more were brought up. The therapist listened but didn't offer any words of insight or take any notes during this time. While being able to just unload all of the things that had been stressing her all at once was cathartic, the phantom's lack of words concerned her.
"I'm sorry, but aren't you usually supposed to have something to tell me or something?"
"Oh, of course," Phantom replied, "Have you tried playing the Ukulele? It's a wonderful instrument,"
"Uh… what does that have to do with this?"
"It's my patented method of therapy. PhantomTehCasual's Humanistic Ukulele Therapy!" Phantom pulled out his Ukulele and started to play and sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. However, his voice made nails on the chalkboard sound pleasant, the Ukulele was wildly out of tune, and he strummed the strings so hard that one of them broke, yet he kept playing as though nothing happened.
After about thirty seconds of being absolutely flabbergasted by such stupidity, the Inkling stormed out of the office. She suddenly felt all of that was for nothing. She was on her way back to the portal in the foyer of the manor when Lucas exited the manor.
"Orange!"
"Lucas! What are you doing here?"
"A couple of my friends back home said I should at least try to talk to that therapist," He answered, "But if I'm being honest, I don't really want to,"
"I mean, there's nothing wrong with therapy. But, if you want to go to this guy, just don't even bother,"
"Why?"
"His only advice was to play the ukulele for some reason… and he was terrible at it," Orange ranted.
"The ukulele, why?" Lucas wondered, "You know what, tell me more about this inside. I'll get started on making some coffee or something… I mean, if you don't mind,"
"Um… sure," Orange answered, "But I want hot chocolate,"
Lucas went into the kitchen and prepared two cups of hot chocolate while Orange tried to find the thermostat for the manor. After a few moments, the couple were sitting at the island counter in the kitchen with their beverages in a manor that was in the process of warming up. Orange told her story about her time with the therapist. She ended up disclosing some of the more obvious troubles that she was facing, but dodged around the relationship worries. Lucas knew she was going through hard times, he wasn't a stranger to such things, but hearing Orange yalk about it made his heart sink,"
"I wanted to give you a little bit of space after what happened in Inkopolis," Lucas explained, "Then that thing with the cursed kid happened and… I… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more,"
"No, it's fine," Orange said, "You didn't have to do anything, especially after what I was willing to do to your home,"
"I can't really be mad at you for that," Lucas said, "I get why you did it,"
"I know," Orange whined, "But I still feel terrible for choosing that option, especially after that video,"
"Yeah…," Lucas sighed, "But lately, I've been more bothered by strangling you back there than anything else. Just… the look of fear on your face… I just couldn't face you the next day,"
"I had some difficulty talking to you too. I had these dreams every night where you tell me off for the choice I made. Sometimes you'd throw me in the water if we were near some. I figured they were all bullshit dreams but I couldn't help but think about them,"
"I hope you know I'd never do that. I lo-" Lucas briefly hesitated. He remembered a time when Ness was telling him that he shouldn't drop the 'love bomb' too soon in a relationship. Then he pointed to Toony as an example. Toony had never been so offended by something he completely agreed with, "I really like you… a lot,"
Orange smirked and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I really like you a lot too,"
In Tazmily Village, it was the start of the New Year and the last free day before the game was back on. During the break, Lucas, and his dog Boney, mostly hung out at Osho Castle with Kumatora, Duster, and the various friendly ghosts that inhabited it. The castle, which was once abandoned, underwent some renovations after Kumatora started residing there. They weren't extensive and much more work could be done, but what could one expect with two adults, a child, and his dog working on it part-time?
He spent a few days with his dad, mostly out of obligation, as much as he'd hate to admit it. Flint was a man of few words and showed little emotion. More so after the aftermath of the dragon's awakening. During the three year gap between Hinawa's death and Lucas's adventure, Flint was searching far and wide for Claus, leaving Lucas alone with only Boney to talk to for months at a time. Even to this day, despite the progress that had been made in this regard, there was a bit of a rift between Lucas and his father. Lucas doesn't take his father's previous neglect personally, not anymore, but Duster and Kumatora had filled that gap. Therefore, he was naturally more inclined to stay with them.
Today, Lucas felt the urge to visit the graves of Claus and Hinawa. It had been a while since he had last done so and he wanted to do it before Bob came crashing down on the world so he decided to pay his respects with Boney in tow. Their graves were positioned by a cliff that was isolated from the main cemetery. As he walked to the area, on his right was a bed of sunflowers, Hinawa's favorite flower. There were two graves, of course. The one centered on the cliff was Hinawa's and a slightly smaller tombstone indicated Claus's.
"Hey," said a somewhat feminine voice from behind him. Lucas and Boney turned around to see a young woman with pink hair and an oversized purple hoodie had been trailing behind them. It was Kumatora, "You alright, buddy?"
"I'm fine," Lucas replied, "Just paying respects. That's all,"
"Yeah, I know," She replied, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Considering all the shit that happened to ya' the past few months,"
"Thanks Kuma, but I'm fine for now,"
"Woof! (At least until that guy gets here)," Boney barked. Lucas and Kumatora could understand the dog due to their ability to telepathically communicate with animals.
"Yeah…," Lucas sighed.
Just as Lucas turned around toward the graves, a metallic hand jutted out of the ground in front of Claus's tombstone. The three jumped at the shocking sight and prepared to battle, but were hesitant to do so considering where the hand came from. The hand receded back into the ground and after a short moment, the owner of that hand emerged from the ground, having dug out the soil from under the surface. He was dressed in a black jacket that was a bit tight on him and, minus the orange hair and mechanical arm, looked almost exactly like Lucas.
"Dammit…," The kid coughed up the dirt he had breathed in from his escape and took the time to breathe in the fresh winter air.
"Claus!" The three exclaimed (or in Boney's case, barked). Lucas and Boney immediately rushed over to pick Claus up from the ground. He wore his masked man uniform, but was the same age as Lucas was currently so the clothing was uncomfortably tight around him.
"Is that… really you?" Lucas asked while tearing up.
Claus looked back at his tombstone. "Who else would they bury here?"
Lucas broke out into tears of joy and hugged his recently revived brother. Boney joined in on this reunion while Kumatora sat back concerned. Obviously, this was the result of Bob and Ted's meddling and if things went south, Lucas would be bad off yet again. Deep down, Lucas knew this too, but he was too overrun by emotions to care about the implications at the moment.
"Why- why'd you have to… why'd you make me kill you!?" Lucas cried.
"It's okay. It's okay," Claus assured him, "Don't blame yourself for that. That was all me. It had to be done. There was no other way,"
"B-But-,"
"Lucas, I'm here now, aren't I? I don't know why, but… it's alright,"
"Woof! Woof! (So, what about Hinawa?)," Boney barked.
Lucas tried to hold back the waterworks just enough to comprehend Boney's question. "If… If this is Ted's doing… then she might-,"
"Shit! She's freaking out right now!" Claus exclaimed. Claus remembered how his mother would often comment on her unease in confined spaces. The only reason he was able to escape was because of his mechanical arm, so if she were alive, she would be in a panic, "We need to get her out of there!"
"Digging up a grave! Are you crazy!?" Kumatora shouted.
"If there's even a small chance that she woke up in there like I did, we have to try," Claus claimed.
"I… well… um…," Lucas stammered, "Okay… let's get shovels,"
"Alright. Boney, dig up what you can while we get the shovels!" Claus ordered.
"You're probably right," Lucas agreed, "But isn't this a little-,"
Claus took Lucas by the arm and ran down to the main graveyard in search for something to dig with. Kumatora merely shrugged and followed after them. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Just as this happened, Duster, a man in his mid-to-late twenties with a limp to him, was walking through the graveyard to get to Osho Castle. Then he saw Lucas, the Masked Man, and Kumatora running out of a shack with shovels in hand.
"Claus?...What's going on?" Duster asked Kumatora since she was the last one out.
Kumatora turned around briefly and quickly spit out a response, "Claus was revived by that guy and we think the same thing happened to his mom. Now we're going to dig her up!" Kumatora then continued on her current objective.
"Oh, okay… What the hell!?" Duster followed after them and when he arrived, Boney had made decent progress on digging up the grave. Sure enough, Claus was definitely alive and taking charge of the excavation. Duster was flabbergasted to say the least. Once it was explained that she was likely revived as well, Duster joined in the digging. They were soon able to hear Hinawa's occasional screams as they got closer to the coffin, confirming their belief that she was alive. With that spark of inspiration and the extra manpower, they were able to unearth the coffin relatively quickly.
The moment she was able, Hinawa burst out of the coffin, mostly distressed by the confined space initially. But all that anxiety was whisked away when her sons greeted her with a warm embrace. The reunion quickly devolved into a series of joy filled crying from all parties while Duster and Kumatora stood back and let them have their moment.
"This is the most wholesome grave robbing I've ever been apart of," Kumatora smiled.
"Yeah, but… you know what's going to happen next, right?" Duster reminded, knowing of the inevitable session.
"Maybe this one won't be so bad… I hope," Kumatora replied.
After finally getting their emotions in check, Lucas and Boney led Claus and Hinawa back to their home. Villagers who knew Hinawa before her death were struck with awe as the family made their way through the village. She would have been happy to chat with them, but she knew somebody else wanted to see her after all these years.
Flint had already been hard at work doing some repairs around the home. As he was installing the doorknob for the front door, the family appeared.
"Long time no see," Hinawa said. Flint turned around to see what he'd only see in his dreams at this point, his family together once again.
"Hinawa… Claus…," He muttered as he stood up from in front of the door. The surprise of the situation, followed by Flint standing up too quickly, caused him to faint.
"And we killed him," Claus joked.
"That's not funny, Claus. He just fainted from shock is all," Hinawa said.
Lucas tapped on his dad's shoulder while using Healing to bring him back from unconsciousness and after another heartfelt reunion, the family spent the rest of the day reminiscing about the days before the Pigmasks. Claus, who could finally recall his time as Commander without the cloud of brainwashing and mind control, shared some of the funnier stories from his military days.
"An Ultimate Chimera body pillow?" Lucas repeated.
"Yep," Claus confirmed. He was currently wearing a set of Lucas's clothes.
"Wait… what's an ultimate Chimera?" Flint asked.
"They have a replica of it in the tournament," Lucas said, "Basically it's an unstoppable monster that'll attack anything,"
"Why would that guy make a body pillow of something like that?" Hinawa asked.
"I dunno," Claus shrugged, "But I know he was the first to die when it broke containment," Claus chuckled to himself, "What an idiot," The family awkwardly looked at him as he said that last bit, "Oh, sorry… too dark?"
"A little bit," Hinawa pointed out.
"Sorry about that, but being in the Pigmasks army was a good chunk of my life, if you think about it. You know what, I'm sure you have more light-hearted stories, don't ya Lucas?"
"N-not really as of late," Lucas admitted.
"Is there something wrong, sweetie," Hinawa asked.
"Haven't you both wondered why you're back in the first place?" Lucas asked.
"I figured it had something to do with that insane guy," Flint theorized, "Makes sense all things considered,"
"Insane guy? What are you talking about?" Hinawa asked.
Lucas briefly explained the hostage situation going on in Smash Town.
"So, he brought us back because someone 'dared' it to happen?" Claus reiterated, "We're not going to go back after this is all said and done, right?"
"I think he mentioned that anyone brought back to life gets to stay that way, even after he decides to move on," Lucas answered.
"Well, that's good to hear at least," Flint replied.
"But this means that… Mom and Claus are in the game now,"
"Oh…," Hinawa sighed as she glanced toward Flint. After a brief moment of silence, Flint spoke up.
"Then I suppose I'll join too,"
"Honey, are you sure that's a good idea?" Hinawa asked.
"Hinawa, I've missed you everyday for the past six years. Now that the family's back together again, I don't wanna just be stuck here waiting for y'all to get back,"
"But Dad, these guys are evil!" Lucas warned.
"Are they brainwashing a nine-year-old evil? Claus asked.
"Yes!" Lucas answered, "They make people do lewd things with each other, they kill for fun, they destroyed and rebuilt my girlfriend's city as a prank!"
Flint sighed. "Lucas… I just want the family to be back together again. If that means literally going through hell and back, so be it. I'm a stubborn man, you won't change my mind,"
Lucas thought back to the days when he'd go searching for Claus. "Oh yeah, I know…,"
"So… am I not the only one who heard that Lucas has a girlfriend?" Claus pointed out, quickly changing the subject.
"Uh… um…," Lucas stammered
"Woof! (Ha! Busted)," Boney barked.
"You never mentioned this," Flint stated.
"Well, I mean… she is from another universe, like most Smashers," Lucas said. Lucas has neglected to mention Orange to his family and friends during the break. It wasn't because there was something wrong with Orange, he really liked her, but it was because he knew everyone would goad on him about it. That, and he was clueless on what to say if the topic of sex happened to be brought up. Then, of course, there is the fact that she was an evolved squid, which would be hard to explain.
"Aww! My little baby grew up so fast," Hinawa smiled, "What's she like?"
"She's… pretty cool. Very athletic and… outgoing,"
"Outgoing? That's nice," Hinawa said, "You need to surround yourself with people that'll drag you out of your comfort zone,"
"Trust me, I have no choice," Lucas joked, "All my friends in Smash are pretty much like that,"
"What's she look like?" Claus asked.
"Well, she's about the same height as I am right now and has orange… hair… and eyes. I'm… not really good at describing people,"
"What's her name?" Hinawa asked.
"She comes from a universe with a completely different language so… everyone just calls her… Orange,"
"Woof! Woof! (Are you sure she's real? Sounds kinda fake.),"
"Yes Boney! She's real!"
"Alright now, give the boy some space," Flint interrupted.
"I just can't wait to meet her though," Hinawa replied, "I bet you two make a cute couple,"
"You haven't even met the girl yet," Flint pointed out.
"Well… everyone from the tournament will be coming to the village tomorrow… we'll have to participate in the games… but she'll be there,"
"You should invite her to dinner after we're done with that," Hinawa suggested, "You did say we had a lot of free time in between sessions afterall,"
"A-alright," Lucas agreed.
"Then I'll make your favorite meal. You still like omelettes, don't you?"
Lucas nodded.
"Then it's settled!" Hinawa declared.
Claus leaned over to Lucas "So… how's Nana doing these days?"
"I think her and Fuel are a couple," Lucas answered.
"Dammit,"
"Claus! Language," Hinawa warned.
The next day, the family woke up and got ready for the events that were about to unfold. Lucas tried his best to warn them of the dangers that they were about to face, especially to Claus and Hinawa, who had received no updates on Lucas's time in Smash Town.
"I think you worry too much, bro," Claus dismissed as they walked the trail that led to the village square, "So we have the chance of dying, big deal. We've already done it once and we'll be brought back the next day. If it happens, it happens,"
"Is there a chip in your head that just makes you say messed up shit, boy?" Flint asked.
"Probably not," Claus replied, "If there was, I'm sure the lightning would have probably fried it,"
"Claus!" The family yelled.
"Alright, I'll stop,"
"I somehow doubt that," Hinawa replied.
At Tazmily Square, most of the Smashers were standing around and waiting for Bob and Ted to show up. Lucas was a bit of a nervous wreck. On top of worrying about his family's safety during the game, there was the matter of his girlfriend's identity. On top of the fact that he's never had to introduce a girl to his family, he was afraid that they wouldn't approve of him dating someone that's a completely different species.
"But I suppose Claus has a point," Hinawa said to Lucas as she looked at the crowd of colorful characters in front of her, "It's no use worrying so much about what will happen, all things considered. Now, where's your little girlfriend?"
"Mom!"
"I think I see her right there," Claus said as he pointed over at Futaba in the distance, "Orange hair, right?"
"That's not her and… her hair isn't exactly hair…," Lucas clarified.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Flint asked.
Just then, Orange ran over to Lucas. "Are they who I think they are?!" She asked, referring to his family, specifically Hinawa and Claus.
"Yeah… they were brought back yesterday," Lucas answered.
"Good for you. Good for all of ya'," She said.
"And… you are…," Flint began.
"Whoops, I forgot to introduce myself. Just call me Orange," She introduced as she held her hand out.
The family were a bit surprised as she introduced herself. On first glance, it almost seemed like she had to be wearing a costume. No person could possibly have such odd features. But as they got a better look at her, the black markings around her eyes were not a mask and those tentacles for hair were real. More subtle differences became apparent, such as her long, pointy ears and the canine tooth in the middle of the bottom set of teeth. Hinawa was the first to shake hands with the strange humanoid.
"Nice to meet you, Orange," Hinawa greeted. Hinawa, while surprised initially, was hardly fazed by the girl's slightly alien appearance. Although, Orange could tell something was off.
"I'm guessing by everyone's reaction. You didn't mention the fact that I'm a squid," Orange said with a smirk towards Lucas. Lucas reacted as she expected he would, being flustered and all.
"You're a squid?" Flint asked.
"She's… an evolved squid… that can shapeshift," Lucas tried to explain. Although he figured that explanation didn't help much.
Claus shrugged. "I've seen weirder things in the Chimera Lab… I'm not judging,"
"Claus, don't be rude," Hinawa scolded.
"Nah, he's fine," Orange dismissed, "I can see how it might be a little weird,"
"A little weird?" Flint repeated.
Hinawa elbowed Flint as subtly as she could. "There's nothing weird about it. It's love, and it's meant to be explored and discovered,"
After Hinawa's comment, Orange's face blushed with the same intensity as her boyfriend. She only wanted to mess with Lucas a little, but Hinawa unwittingly turned it back on her. Before the situation could get any more awkward, Ness, Toony, and Tetra showed up.
"Hey Orange! What's up?" Tetra greeted.
Thank Cod. "Hey! Tetra! Long time, no see! Have you met Lucas's folks?" Orange said in a desperate attempt to weasel her way out of the awkwardness that Hinawa set upon them.
"They're alive!?" The three exclaimed.
"I sure am!" Claus exclaimed.
Ness, Toony, and Tetra mingled with Lucas's family for a while. They always knew Lucas was a twin, but seeing them side by side was freaky. Besides the different hair color and the mechanical arm, they looked practically identical. Soon enough, Bob and Ted appeared in the town square.
"Welcome, everyone, to another session of Truth or Dare," Bob announced, "We got a lot of dares to go through, so let's not waste anytime. But first, a dare from Gabe2000, large Pikmin!"
With a puff of smoke, the three Pikmin that Olimar had with him, a red, yellow, and blue one, became as tall as Ganondorf and as buff as Aztec vampire gods of fitness.
"Awaken! My masters!" Ness, Toony, and Futaba yelled. Ness and Toony were forced to do it due to a dare, but Futaba shouted on her own initiative.
"Gotta get the Jojo references out of the way," Bob said, "Man… when are you gonna watch another anime, Ted?"
"Keep Your Hands off Eizouken is pretty good so far," Ted said.
"Whatever you say… weeb," Bob scoffed, "The next dares are from Tapu Cocoa. But first, I want to apologize to Corrin. Apparently he's bisexual and I forgot to shock him last session when he didn't raise his hand,"
"O-kay… you're forgiven?" Corrin shrugged.
"That being said, your weapon is now a giant ear of corn now," Bob finished. Corrin unsheathed his blade to find that the Yato was, indeed, a giant ear of corn.
"Ugh… as long as I get it back," Corrin groaned.
"Sure, sure," Bob dismissed, "Little Mac, you're going to be Giga Mac for the rest of the session,"
"But I don't wanna be a big idiot. I changed my final smash for a reason," Little Mac protested. However he soon grew and transformed into his Giga form, "Me! Giga Mac!" He screamed while pounding his chest.
"Incineroar, you're going to spend some time in a daycare," Bob moved on, "Your guest will be a Ditto. So… enjoy that,"
Incineroar looked a bit excited as he was transported away.
"Okay, now we'll be doing some dares from Remnant7," Bob announced, "Claus, Hinawa," The family jumped as their newly revived members were called by name. Bob gave them a wicked glare that overstayed its welcome by a few seconds then went back to normal, "How's it feel to be back from the dead… this isn't a dare, I'm just curious,"
"Uh… good," Hinawa answered, "I'm glad to see Lucas has grown to be a nice young man and that we're all back together again,"
"What she said," Claus answered.
"Fun fact, nothing can kill you except for natural causes, which means I can do this," Bob pulled out a handgun and fired a shot at Claus and Hinawa. Bob was expecting the bullets to deflect off of them or get crushed as they impacted their bodies. However, the bullets penetrated Hinawa's chest and Claus's neck and caused the usual amount of pain and discomfort getting shot would usually do.
Lucas and Flint jumped into action and helped heal their wounds. Lucas quickly cast Lifeup on his mother while Claus healed himself. Flint and Lucas were distraught by what appeared to be a near-death experience.
"Hinawa! Are you alright?" Flint asked.
"I'm better now," Hinawa smiled, "Those powers that our boys have sure are handy,"
"You idiot," Ted scoffed at Bob, "They are immune to death, not damage. Shooting them still hurts,"
"Whatever," Bob remarked.
"Even still, that scared me," Flint admitted, "Hell, I'm not even sure if I'm dreamin' or not… having you back,"
Hinawa embraced Flint and gave him a kiss. "I promise, you aren't dreaming,"
"Are you alright, Claus?" Lucas asked.
"Oh yeah," Claus confidently answered, "That wasn't too bad,"
"You were shot in the fucking neck," Tetra pointed out.
"So… I lost a fight with a drago," Claus smirked, "It puts things into perspective,"
"There you go, making light of tragedy again," Flint sighed.
"I thought that was a good thing," Claus said.
"I think you have to be a bit more… tactful about it," Lucas advised.
"Moving on!" Bob yelled, "Kratos, how was your holiday?"
"Is that meant to be a joke?" Kratos asked.
"we killed santa," Sans remarked.
"Santa's real?" Ness asked, "Also, why would you kill Santa?"
"hey, he killed me first," Sans defended, "but in all seriousness, that guy kidnapped kids after killing their families. toriel's watching over six extra kids now,"
"I hope they can find homes for them," Atreus stated.
"me too, kid,"
"Anyway, Kratos, you and your son now have the ability to summon anyone here on your future adventures," Bob announced.
"don't summon me, alright,"
"You wouldn't last long without growing exhausted," Kratos said with a faint smirk.
"i know,"
"Alright, now it's time for a fight between Sans and Bayonetta," Bob announced.
"welp… i'm boned," Sans said before making the hypothetical camera zoom in on him while he shrugs, "but seriously, she can dodge lightning and slow down time,"
"This will hardly be a brawl," Bayonetta said as she strutted over to Sans, "I've heard about your endurance and I'm not impressed,"
"let's get this over with," Sans sighed as he summoned Gaster blasters all around the Umbra witch. As expected, she dodged out of the way with elegance and entered witch time. In this state, time was practically at a standstill. She went up to Sans and summoned the leg of Madama Butterfly to kick Sans back. Once witch time ended, the skeleton almost flew out of town square.
Kratos and Atreus figured Sans would die from that blow. He had revealed after his fight with the Yule Man that a well placed blow would be enough to take him out of commission. So when the dust settled and Sans was still standing, Kratos and Atreus were surprised.
"I thought that would of killed him!" Atreus exclaimed.
"me too," Sans said, with no stress to his voice whatsoever.
"I may have buffed your hp just a little," Ted mentioned, "Now would you please take your fight somewhere else? We have too many dares to do,"
As Sans and Bayonetta left to duke it out in the cemetery, Bob moved onto his next dare. "Mario, Peach, still having some relationship issues,"
"If you're referring to what I think you're referring to," Peach began, "We've talked everything out and the issue has been settled,"
"Well, either way, you're pregnant," Bob said as he continued to flip through notecards.
"Uh… excuse me?" Mario said.
"Y'all did it like last week, right?" Bob asked, "Well, that's when conception happened. Remnant wanted the baby to be used to fix your relationship troubles, but it doesn't matter,"
"When does that ever work?" Daisy rolled her eyes.
"It worked with my parents," Ted chimed in.
"And look how that turned out," Daisy scoffed.
"We used protection!" The couple argued.
"Doesn't work if it's been dared," Bob shrugged, "Them's the rules,"
"And while I'm here, the gestation period is about a month long," Ted chimed in. Peach's eyes widened in horror.
"She's going to have a kid in a month!" Daisy exclaimed, "How the hell is that supposed to work?"
"Moving on," Bob said, ignoring Peach's friend, "Palutena and Rosalina, here is a spell book," A green book appeared in Rosalina's hands. "Casting the spell contained in it will allow you two to have a baby as well,"
Palutena and Rosalina simply stared blankly at Bob, then the book, then at each other.
"Looks like you might have a little brother or sister," Ness said to Pit.
"How many times do I have to say this? Lady Palutena isn't my mom," Pit argued.
"This next dare is from 14shiffna," Bob announced, "Viridi must eat three of her special cookies. Tetra can eat one to if she wants,"
A baking sheet full of cookies appeared in Tetra's hands. She smiled as she grabbed a cookie and ate it.
"Three? That's too much," Viridi protested as she grabbed her cookies.
"Yeah, you can hardly handle one," Tetra snickered.
"What kind of cookies are they?" Toony inquired as he eyed the cookie sheet.
"Why don't you try one?" Tetra offered.
Lucas, Ness, Toony, Pit, Orange, and Claus all grabbed a cookie from the baking sheet. Viridi internally panicked as she was munching on her As they ate them, they noted an oddly grassy, earthy taste to them. Nobody except for Ness had an idea of what this could be.
"What's so special about these?" Pit asked, "No offense Viridi, but these are terrible,"
"Well… you don't exactly eat them for the taste," Viridi explained.
Hinawa snagged a cookie, to Tetra's surprise, and took a bite from it. "Oh yeah, that's an edible,"
"I knew it!" Ness exclaimed.
"So that's why these suck so much," Toony realized.
"Did… did you just drug a bunch of teenagers?" Dr. Mario asked with concern.
"Drugs!?" Lucas exclaimed. His only experience with drugs was when they washed up on an island. With no supplies and hunger setting in, they had no choice but to eat these unusual mushrooms which made Lucas and his party trip balls, for lack of a better term.
"This… won't pick up on an ink test, will it?" Orange asked.
"I don't feel any different," Claus said.
"It usually takes about an hour for it to kick in," Hinawa explained. She held up her half-eaten cookie, "Flint, do you want the rest of this,"
"No thanks, I prefer to keep my wits about me," Flint replied.
"Oh… but we can't let things go to waste. Let's hope I don't regret this," Hinawa then ate the rest of the cookie.
Tetra starred at Hinawa in awe. She turned toward Lucas. "I never would of thought a nerd like you would have such a cool mom,"
"I don't really remember her like this, to be honest," Lucas said, "Did you always eat these… edibles, mom?"
"I haven't eaten something like this since before you and your brother were born," Hinawa admitted, "I always felt closer to nature when use cannabis, but once I found out I was pregnant, I figured I had to start being more responsible,"
"She was quite the free spirit, I tell ya' what," Flint chimed in, "And as much as I love that about her, someone had to watch over you kids,"
"That still didn't stop me from occasionally smoking a little bit," Hinawa admitted with a coy smile.
"I knew it!" Flint exclaimed.
"Oh c'mon, it was obvious," Hinawa teased, "It's not like I tried too hard to hide it,"
"Huh, never thought your mom would be the hippie type," Orange said.
"Me neither," Lucas replied.
"I mean, we were nine when she died," Claus shrugged, "It's not like we knew what to look for,"
"This is going to be good," Dark Pit smirked.
"What do you mean?" Pit asked.
"You'll probably freak out," Palutena chimed in.
"About what?! When!?" Pit said, freaking out.
"You'll be fine," Palutena assured.
Rosalina leaned over to Pit. "And I think a certain little goddess would be happy to chat with you," she whispered.
"You're not helping," Pit bluntly stated.
Ted looked up from his notepad and at the hypothetical camera. "I just want to inform you guys that I will definitely be skipping some dares. That being said, I'd like to move onto some dares from dcfer. He wants Bob to have a body that looks like Boomstick's from Death Battle. But, I think I'll be nice and give him a shotgun for a leg this session,"
Bob's left leg suddenly morphed into a shotgun. "What the hell! That was my favorite leg! Fuck you, Ted!" The shotgun suddenly fired, causing Bob to fall over from the knockback.
"Oh, and if you talk shit, it does that," Ted added.
Bob got up and dusted himself off. "Fine, fine. Next dare, Morgana gets to stay in his Metaverse form,"
Morgana suddenly popped out of Akira's backpack in the aforementioned form. "Hey… you don't happen to have any dares that'll make me human… do you?"
Bob started laughing in Morgana's face until the shotgun on his leg went off again. Bob lost balance and fell to the ground yet again. As Bob rose up he answered the original question. "No,"
"Maybe next time, Morgana," Ann comforted.
Encouraging words from his crush certainly cheered the cat up as Bob moved onto the next dare. "Alright, we're also giving everyone from Inkopolis a reverse Uno card. That includes all the cephalopods here," Bob passed out the cards to Orange, Three, Eight, Off the Hook, and the Squid Sisters.
"Sweet! I wonder what I should do with this," Callie smiled.
"Probably save it for an embarrassing dare," Marie suggested, "Then he'll have to do it,"
"So if I were to get mugged and I use this card, I'll be mugging them?" Pearl asked.
"Do you really need a magic card to do that?" Marina asked.
"Now for some dares from Kainovocaloidfan1," Bob moved on. He summoned a metroid and pointed toward Bowser. Bowser ran off as the Metroid chased after him, "With that out of the way, I'd like to bring in Nui Prime,"
Nui Prime appeared on the edge of the well. She was still in her sock puppet form and stuck on the little cactus. In front of her was the Holy Bible, opened up in front of her.
"How've you been Nui?" Bob asked, "How's the book?"
"Wonderful," Nui answered happily.
"Well that's… what?"
"This book… it's changed my entire outlook on life," Nui began, "Before, I used to scoff at the religious, back when I only wanted to aid Lady Ragyo. But now, in my darkest times, I think I've found hope,"
"Well that's fucking l-," Bob pasued himself, not wanting to set off his shotgun leg again, "lovely… How's the cactus?"
"I love him dearly, but… I wish I could speak to him. It gets lonely,"
"Well, you're in luck," Bob snapped his fingers and the cactus sprung to life with the soul of a familiar phallic friend.
"The fuck's goin' on here!?" Berry McCockinner the cactus yelled, "Why am I a cactus!? Why am I in a sock!?"
"It's alright, my love," Nui Prime assured him, "This is all part of God's plan,"
"The fuck you talkin' about?"
While Berry and Nui argued the basis of Christianity, Bob decided to move on. "Now for a contest I've been meaning to set up," Bob announced, "But first, let's introduce you folks to some previous subjects in this game I play. Meet Mako and Ira Gamagori!"
Suddenly, a stern man that seemed larger than life appeared alongside an absent-minded looking young woman. The man was obviously annoyed by the sudden summoning but the woman seemed lost in her own mind, not really concerned about the implications of the game.
"Hi Bob! Hi Ted! Hi Nui the sock puppet!" The woman, Mako, waved.
"Hello Mako," Nui Prime greeted.
"What do you want us for, Insaneguy!?" The man, Ira, yelled, though, it seemed as though that yelling was a usual tone of voice for him.
"Someone last chapter wanted you to cameo and I was wondering where I should feature you, until now," Bob explained, "You two will be helping judge the second ever Blowjob Contest!"
"This isn't even the first one?!" Some of the Smashers blurted.
Bob and Ted put on their announcer personas and began to explain the rules. As they did this, a private tent appeared, which was just big enough for a panel of three judges and space to perform.
"Alright folks," Ted introduced, "Welcome, to the second ever, Blowjob Contest! I am your host, Ted Insaneguy. With me, is Bob Insaneguy,"
"On the last Blowjob Contest, a surprising turn of events led to the clones of homosexual clones of Nagisa Shiota and Karma Akabane to take home the gold. Shocking everyone and satisfying the person who dared them into existence," Bob announced.
"Now we have more contestants and even more taboo romances," Ted continued, "Speaking of which, Orange, you gotta be in squid form when you do this,"
"Why!?" Lucas and Orange shouted.
"Because of a previous dare from last session," Bob answered, "Next time you were dared to have sex, she had to fuck you like you were in some crazy tentacle hentai,"
"Uh…," Lucas paused in embarrassment. He could not stand to glance at his family after that was just left out in the open. Flint was shocked and honestly a bit weirded out by that and while Hinawa was still supportive, she really didn't need to hear that.
"Owch," Viridi commented, "Good luck Lucas, squids are known for their razor sharp beaks… and they aren't usually that big,"
"Yeah… that's kinda why I was worried," Orange admitted.
"Oh no," Lucas sighed.
"You've met two of our judges, Mako and Ira Gamagori, now for our third guest," Ted continued, "The degenerate salesmen himself, Fernando!" Ted placed a box on the announcer's table and opened it up, revealing the owner of the anomalous items shop.
"Now to gather all the contestants," Bob declared, "Pretty much anyone who is a couple has to step right up. Speaking of which…," Bob snapped his fingers and teleported Kumatora and Duster, who had been hiding from the shenanigans back in Osho Castle.
"Well, fuck," Kumatora sighed.
"Hey Lucas, why were we summoned here now, of all times?" Duster asked.
"Kumatora's in a blowjob contest," Claus bluntly answered.
"Oh… nice," Duster replied.
"Keep your pants on," Kumatora sassed.
"Mako, got any words for our contestants?" Ted asked.
"I do!" She declared. Suddenly, the light around her seemed to dim and a spotlight suddenly shined down on her. How? We still aren't sure. Angelic voices sung the word "Hallelujah!" as she began her encouraging monologue.
"I know you were all forced to be in this game against your will," She began, while frantically jumping about making cartoonish poses that loosely related to the words she was saying, "But you just gotta make the best of it. Ladies! I believe you can all do a great job giving blowjobs. I give them to Ira all the time!"
"Uhh…," Ira muttered.
Mako continued. "Don't focus on the things that you think will bring you down," She slid over to Orange, "Like you, Squid Lady! So what if your mouth is super sharp. Open wide! Like, really wide! But if that doesn't work, maybe he'll like it anyway,"
"What the fuck are-," Orange stated before Mako ran off to end her speech.
"And for the rest of you, if all else fails, just get naked!" Mako ended dramatically.
"Alright, wonderful pep talk. Now, starting with Lucas and Orange, let the blowjobs commence!" Bob announced.
Lucas and Orange hesitantly walked into the tent and while the shapeshifting initially impressed Fernando's kinky nature, it was all set back and then some by Orange's lousy technique. If she weren't in squid form, she'd do better. However, her sharp beak harmed Lucas to the point where he had to continuously cast Lifeup and Shield to repair the scratches and ease the pain. The two walked out of the tent with Lucas being very careful with his movements and Orange feeling really awful about the situation.
The rest of the contestants were about average. Ann was a bit below average, but considering how Orange did, she did well enough. Some certainly rose above the rest. Tetra and Lucina were practically tied, with Azura falling just a few points short of them. Kumatora, despite her annoyance initially, won over the judges. As Kumatora and Duster walked out of the tent, everyone was ready to move on, but the tent still remained.
"Now, for our final contestant," Bob announced, "Hinawa and Flint,"
Lucas, Claus, and even Boney had to mentally do a double take of that before their real reactions set in. Needless to say, they were not thrilled that their parents were taking part in the same lewd contest that one of them had also participated in. Hinawa and Flint were shocked as well. Even with the warning they received, this was insane. However, not wanting to find out the consequences for refusing to participate encouraged them enough to walk into the tent. After a few minutes, they left and the judges followed behind them. Everyone noticed that Hinawa had puffy eyes and was very relaxed, more so than Flint, who had to admit that she 'still got it'.
"Alright, who won?" Ted asked.
"After careful consideration," Ira announced, "We had no choice but to have the winner be… Hinawa!"
Ness and the others couldn't help but laugh at the turn of events. The look and the Twins faces was priceless. It was a beautiful mix of shock, disgust, embarrassment, and sprinkles of other subtle emotions that made them look like they simply didn't want to be anywhere near anyone.
"This… is this a joke?" Lucas asked.
"I wish Porky installed an off button for my brain," Claus frowned.
Ness and the gang continued laughing. By this point, it was starting to get a little mean. However, it didn't even look like they were focusing on the twins anymore. Toony and Tetra were holding each other up by the shoulders and laughing about their time during the contest. Ness eventually stopped laughing so hard and grew this big dumb giggily grin on his face. Orange walked up to Lucas as she tried to get her bearings.
"Woah… are… are you feeling this, Lucas?" Orange asked.
Suddenly, their sober state of mind crumbled away, much like a cookie. At first, Lucas and Claus were a bit freaked out by this sudden mental shift, but Hinawa quickly explained to them that they were in no danger, all while giggling to herself. It was the cookies finally kicking in.
"I-I'm so sorry Lady Palutena!" Pit freaked out.
"Pit, you're fine. You're just high," Palutena assured.
"But that's the problem!"
"Dude, she said to chill out," Viridi chimed in, eyes glazed over and feeling the full brunt of the cookies. She went up behind Pit and hugged him, "So just calm down,"
"O-okay," Pit replied.
"Alright, now for some dares from Ac," Bob declared, "First and foremost, the Hero and Princess of the Wild will now be stuck in a smutty doujin.
The blue Zelda sighed. "Why am I even surprised by these dares anymore?" She turned to Link and noticed he was smirking, "You're such a pervert, you know that,"
"...a little," Link replied.
Bob pulled a blank comic book out of his pocket and opened it. The blue hero and princess were immediately sucked into the comic's pages. The cover of this comic was colored in with a picture of Zelda and Link holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. The comic would fill in as time went on, but Bob didn't care to view it. He had a show to run. He teleported the comic to someone more interested in viewing it.
"Tetra, you can't escape it now. You gotta wear the princess getup," Bob dared.
"Aw man…," Tetra complained, "Orange, can I borrow your Uno card?"
Orange burst out laughing. "Ahahaha! No! I wanna see you in a dress now!"
"No way!" Tetra protested, though she was doing so while high off her ass and laughing, "Why don't you wear a dress?"
"Because you can't play in Turf Wars with a dress. That's just silly," Orange giggled.
"I mean… so are pirates… … in dresses," Viridi replied, who was more spaced out than anyone else.
Bob snapped his fingers and Tetra finally looked like actual royalty for once. Many of the Smashers were blown away at how such a crude, tomboyish captain could even possibly look like a princess.
Toony was the most mesmerized by Tetra's change. He loved her pirate captain look, but she looked stunning.
"Woah…," Toony muttered.
"I may just be really high right now but, this… actually isn't too bad," Tetra remarked.
"It does look pretty on you," Hinawa agreed.
"If cool mom agrees, I can't argue," Tetra decided.
"Oh stop," Hinawa blushed.
"Yusuke, do the worm," Bob dared.
"The worm?" Yusuke asked.
"It's a dance move!" Pearl explained, "It looks like this," Pearl dropped the ground and flailed her body off up the ground like a worm a few times. Yusuke joined her and attempted to copy the little inkling. He couldn't do it with much flair like Pearl did, but he technically did the move, even if it did look awkward.
Futaba got out her phone and took a video of Yusuke's dancing. "This is gold," she giggled, "Thanks Inari,"
Yusuke and Pearl got up off the ground. "I hope that my performance was sufficient," He said.
"Oh no, it was terrible," Futaba informed him, "Very low tier,"
"You did alright for a dork," Pearl said.
"Okay Pit," Bob continued, "Now you gotta shove it inside of Viridi's mouth,"
"What is… 'it'?" Pit asked.
Bob shrugged. "I dunno,"
Pit, stoned out of his mind, looked at Viridi, who was staring off into space and not paying attention to anything. He really didn't want to bug her by shoving 'it' in her mouth. He still also didn't know what 'it' was. What if he got what 'it' was wrong and had to go to Super Hell? He didn't want to go to work today. Then what if 'it' was what he thought bit meant? He didn't want to do that, not in front of Lady Palutena.
Pit was thinking a bit too long for Bob's liking. "You got ten seconds Pit,"
Pit snapped into action as best as his slow brain could. In his state of mind, he decided that it'd be easier to just shove the last cookie on the baking sheet into Viridi's mouth. He grabbed the cookie and crammed it in there right before time was up. Viridi was surprised, to say the least, but she didn't resist too much. She ended up eating the cookie and only coughing a bit.
The little goddess chuckled to herself. "I'm so fucked up," She then nuzzled her way next to the angel. Pit was confused, but he glanced over to see Palutena and Rosalina giving him an encouraging thumbs up.
"Ann, lick Ryuji's neck and cheek," Bob dared.
"Ew!" Ann protested, "Why?"
"Yeah, that's pretty damn weird," Ryuji agreed.
"Fuck if I know," Bob lied. When he glanced over at Morgana, who looked down in the dumps, he could see it all come together.
As Ann did the lick, which ended up looking unintentionally erotic, Akira dropped his bag by his cat's side. He knew what the cat needed to do. Morgana climbed into the backpack and screamed into the pillow that sat inside.
After the dare was completed, Bob moved on. He donned a dentist outfit and passed the notecards off to Ted.
"I got a little appointment with Mario. Mind if you cover for me Ted?"
"What appointment?" Mario asked with obvious concern.
"Don't worry about it," Bob warned.
"Fine… lazy asshole," Ted scoffed. Bob teleported Mario and himself away from the area, "Our next dares are from Jetman615. Rosalina must do a shooting star meme,"
"What's that?" Rosalina asked.
"Walk over here and I'll show you," Bob offered. Rosalina made her way over to the host. Whether it be through manipulation or fate, Rosalina happened to trip on some if the cobblestone that covered the Square and began to fall. However, instead of hitting the ground, the song Shooting Stars by Bag Raiders played as the celestial sorceress flew into the air. As she flew, she was in a state of falling from the trip and rewinding to the beat of the music. As Rosalina faded from view, so too did the music.
"Man… I kinda liked that song," Ness commented. His friends nodded in agreement.
"Uh… Where is she going?" Palutena asked.
"She's going on an adventure throughout the cosmos. She will see galaxies form and and stars die as she explores the infinite universe," Ted explained with grandiose.
"I get that you're trying to make this sound amazing," Palutena said, "But that's what she normally does,"
"True, but it had to be done," Ted said, "Now for Toony to turn into a little chibi plushie for Tetra to snuggle with,"
Toony wasn't sure what Ted meant by chibi plushie, but he heard the words 'snuggle with Tetra' and was curious. Ted snapped his fingers and Toony turned into a foot tall little plushie that appeared in Tetra's arms.
"I bet you see this a total win, don't you," Tetra said in a cutesy voice before hugging the plushie tight. He sure did.
"Now for some species swapping," Ted declared. In a puff of magic smoke, Lucas became an Inkling and Orange became human. Being human, Orange's resemblance to Futaba Sakura was even more obvious.
"I feel so… stiff," Orange said as she tried to move around, "I don't feel, like, as bendy as I used to be,"
"Sis, you just have bones now," Three informed her.
"Ooooh," Orange replied, still stoned.
"Your girlfriend don't even got bones?" Flint asked Lucas, who was swaying from side to side.
"Nope," Lucas replied. He was much more interested in this swaying motion he got himself into. Being high as an Inkling made it feel almost as though he was a plate of Jello, wobbling around.
"I think he shoulda waited a bit longer till he did that stuff," Flint said.
"C'mon Flint, the boys are fine," Hinawa said, "Don't be a stick in the mud. You used to be young and have fun too,"
"I'm not that-," Flint was about to say he wasn't that old, but his knees and back said otherwise. Flint chuckled, "Good to have the ol' lady back,"
"But I'm younger than you," Hinawa protested.
"By two years,"
"You two sure got the fighting like a married couple thing down pretty good," Kumatora commented.
"Pit, Viridi, you'll be going on a double date with Off the-," Ted glanced over to see that the two had drifted off to sleep from the cookie's effects.
"We'll tell them later," Marina said, "It'll be fun,"
"Yeah!" Pearl agreed, "I vote for drinks and karaoke!"
"We got some other dares that could be done some time later but for now, we'll end off Jetman's dares with a question for Sans," Ted declared. He looked for Sans in the crowd but couldn't see him, "Where is he?"
Just then, Sans came flying across the square and crashed into the side of the well. Bayonetta quickly followed after him and delivered a few more combos in Witch Time before stopping momentarily. Sans was beyond tired. He ran out of magic ages ago and his dodging wasn't enough to dodge Bayonetta lighting fast attacks. But, despite being a punching bag for the past few minutes, he showed no signs of danage.
"How much did you beef up this sack of bones?" Bayonetta asked.
"i wanna know too," Sans wheezed.
"I gave him infinite HP," Ted said.
"Now why would you go and do that?" Bayonetta asked.
"It was supposed to teach you mercy… or something like that,"
"You do realize that isn't in my job description?"
"obviously…,"
"Well, we tried… Sans, think you can answer a question?"
Sans leaned up against the well not willing to move away from his point of impact. "shoot,"
"Can karmic retribution be reversed? Like what if I decided to rob a bank, then give that money to the poor? Would your magic still be as effective as if I just robbed that bank?" Ted asked.
"i don't really know…," Sans huffed, "...karmic retribution is really just a secret weapon for when things get really bad… like a monster genocide or something,"
"Fair enough,"
Bob and Mario returned from wherever they went off to. Bob had what appeared to be a small jar full of teeth and Mario was zoned out and bleeding profusely from the mouth, even with his mouth stuffed with gauze.
"Mario!" Peach called out, "What'd he do to you!?"
"Hmmm hummm hy heeee hum," Mario mumbled over the gauze.
"Translation," Bob chimed while shaking the jar, "He pulled out all of these,"
Peach was beginning to tear up. Her hero's gone through so much in this game already. Even without the baby's birth looming over her head, she really had no choice but to stand down. She wanted to tell him off, kinda like how Daisy would, but it would only make matters worse. So, she instead comforted her mustached boyfriend as best she could.
"Alright, so you're back," Ted said to Bob, "Can you take over again?"
Bob yawned. "I dunno man, I'm tired,"
"Tired? You don't even exist outside of this story! What about me? I got life to deal with! I gotta balance my time between work, family, writing this story, and managing my alcoholism!" Ted ranted. He calmed down and sighed, "Whatever man… let's just speed through these next few dares and call it a day. Again, I apologize if I skip over massive portions of your dares, readers. I'm just…,"
"Dumping all your personal problems on your readers," Falco sassed.
Ted materialized a handgun into his hands and fired the entire clip into the anthomaphic bird.
"What the hell!?" Fox protested, "Wasn't that a bit too much!?"
"I'd argue it wasn't enough," Ted sighed.
"Well… bye," Bob said before he disappeared. Probably to go drink at The Underworld. Who knows?
"Jesus Christ," Ted sighed, "Okay, this next dare is from smasher5," Ted used telekinesis to lift Orange off the ground. Once he moved her above the well, she started to freak out. Ted dropped her in and shortly after the sound of splashing and screaming could be heard.
Lucas ran over to the well's edge. "Orange! Hold on!" He lowered down the bucket that hung above the well in hopes that he could pull her up to safety. Orange, who was desperately trying to keep her head above water, managed to grab onto the bucket as soon as she felt it and soon after, Orange was hoisted to safety.
She hugged her temporarily Inkling boyfriend. "You are a lifesaver. Thank you,"
"Hold on," Flint interrupted, "I know falling down in their ain't fun or anything, but what was with all the panic? You're basically a giant sea creature, aren't ya'?
"We can't swim though. We dissolve and die if we fall into water,"
Lucas's family simply stared at her, "But you're a squid!"
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard this before,"
"Next dare is from a guest named Gl_tchy," Ted announced, "Whenever a dare involves Marth, Lucina's gotta do it too, and vice versa. Also," Ted pulled out a skimpy dominatrix suit, "And Orange, wear this and do some things with your tentacle hair once you two are back to normal,"
Orange's face turned beat red again and Lucas could only respond by hiding his shameful face in his hands. Although that didn't stop the family from shooting the couple strange looks.
"It's okay Lucas," Kumatora comforted, "Nothing wrong with being a little kinky,"
"But I'm not kinky," Lucas whined.
"No offense or anything, but I think dating squid people falls into that category," Duster chimed in.
"It doesn't mean we're kinky though," Orange protested.
"I'll be the judge of that!" Shouted a man with a hood obscuring most of his face, with the exception of a wide grin. He wielded a scythe in one hand and the previously mentioned magic doujin in the other.
"Ac? What the hell are you doing here?" Ted asked.
"Just here to do a cameo," Ac casually answered, "With my filthy perversion powers, I can detect fetishes with a swipe of my hand,"
"...How about you keep your hands away from us," Kumatora suggested.
"I don't care to read yours, What's-your-face, I'm just here to mess with Lucas," Ac grinned.
"Haven't you guys embarrassed him enough?" Orange argued.
"No," Ted answered bluntly.
Ac waved his hand in front of Orange's face. With this simple movement, he was able to see deep within Orange's subconscious. "So you like spankings and being choked. Interesting,"
"But- wh- how did you-," Orange muttered, face turning red again.
Three walked up to Orange while chuckling. "Guess he was right, huh?"
Orange pushed her away. "Shut up!" She whined.
"Don't go too hard on my sis. Got it, Dweeb?" Three told Lucas.
"Now for Lucas!" Ac declared.
"Fantastic…," Lucas sighed.
Ac waved his hand in front of Lucas's head. "Hmm, you seem to prefer Inkling women to human women,"
Ness glanced over to notice all the other anthropomorphic cephalopods, all of whom just happen to be women. "Lucky you, dude," He smiled.
"Ness, please stop… my family's here," Lucas begged.
"And he has a foot fetish," Ac briefly finished.
Ness, Tetra, and Three laughed out loud. (Toony would have too if he wasn't a plushie) Lucas's friends and family were in various states of bewilderment or laughter. Lucas buried his face into his hands yet again.
"I wanna die…," Lucas whined.
"Well, I'm off," Ac announced. He read through a couple of new doujin panels that had appeared during this time and remembered something. "Hey Zelda!" He called out to the Smasher, "I know you got the Hylian royal ass. It's all over the internet!" Ac then disappeared from Tazmily Village.
"Why'd he have to drop that out of the blue?" Zelda said blushing.
"You really do," Sheik told her, "Kinda wish I had the Hylian royal ass,"
"You say it like it's an actual thing," Tetra commented.
"Sorta," Sheik confirmed, "Historically, it's a relatively common trait in the royal family, believe it or not,"
"Never read that in any history book," Young Link commented.
"You don't strike me as the studious type," Sheik said.
"I would be if there were more fun facts like that,"
"No you wouldn't," Navi chimed in.
"Yeah, you're right,"
"Alright, let's do a couple dares from KirbyPwnz1234," Ted announced, "First off, more reverse Uno cards for our victims. Including Soma's entire universe from and the alternate version of Tazmily Village. Don't worry reviewers, the universes are all intact and no one remembers a thing. But more importantly, Ryuji and Akira gotta watch this,"
A giant spectral screen appeared above the crowd as the image began to play a Youtube video that claimed if Persona 5 was realistic. It parodied the introduction of the game up till the encounter with Kamoshida's shadow. While Ann was a bit offended by her depiction as a simple minded idiot willing to get inside Kamoshida's Pedomobile, Akira and Ryuji were cracking up. From the sloppy animation to the depictions of Kamoshida and other minor characters, it was a mostly enjoyable experience.
"Hahahaha! Sojiro really does dress like a pimp," Futaba laughed.
"Is Ms. Kawakami really a prostitute?" Ann asked.
"That's… a complicated question," Akira stated.
"How would you know?" Haru inquired. Akira could sense the hint of jealousy that she projected.
"I get it, it sounds wrong," Akira stated in his defense, "But she needed money and the attic is always dusty,"
"What was she? Like a maid or something?" Ryuji asked.
"She was actually the one we hired that one time before you and Mishima ran off," Akira answered.
"For real?!" Ryuji blurted.
"Perverts," Ann scoffed. Akira merely shrugged.
"Nothing happened though,"
"I think it was the thought that mattered," Makoto told him.
Ted looked over his notes. "About over two months and just over two thousand words… yeah… we need to wrap this up. Groudon wants me to inflate the Roy, Palutena, and the Squid Sisters with helium. Lucina, Robin, and Marth, sing can you feel the love tonight,"
Roy, Palutena, and the squid sisters began to float in the air while they protested in high pitched voices. While Lucina and Robin sung a wonderful duet, with Marth singing along with Lucina's parts.
"So… many… dares…," Ted said as he flipped through note cards frantically, "Again readers, I apologise. Last dares are from ZygardeFusion. Snake, did you kill Jeffery Epstein?"
"Epstein's dead?" Snake asked.
"Well, in my world," Ted clarified, "He was in prison awaiting trial for his many sex trafficking crimes. He supposedly killed himself while on suicide watch when two gaurds should of been watching him,"
"Let me guess, the possibility of him revealing his connections to important, powerful people was so great that one of them decided to assassinate him before he could tell the truth," Snake proposed.
"Yeah, pretty much," Ted answered, "Now it's a meme. Moving on… Piranha plant, who do you hate most of all?
"I have to pick just one?!" The plant complained.
"Yes,"
"But… I just hate everyone, man. It'd be easier to tell you who I don't hate so much. Viridi, being the goddess of plants n' shit, probably has my back. Ryuk is a god of death, that I can respect,"
"I'm flattered," Ryuk grinned.
"Just keep doin' what cha doin' man," Piranha Plant replied.
"Uh… who is that plant talking to?" Hinawa asked. As she asked this Ryuk moved closer to Hinawa, positioning himself face to face in front of her. Just then, Ted snapped his fingers and suddenly, Ryuk was visible to those who hadn't already touched a Death Note. Ryuk's frightening appearance came as a shock to the stoned Hinawa.
"Holy shit!" Hinawa screamed as she fell backwards to get away from it.
Claus, while concerned for his mother, couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think I ever heard you swear before,"
"Well I think there was thi-," Lucas began.
"No more dares, we're done!" Ted declared.
"Seriously?!" The Smashers asked.
"Yeah. I know to you guys it seems like New Year's just happened… but I accidentally slowed time to the point where it's now almost March…,"
"How the hell do you do that?" Wolf asked.
"Drinking and negative thoughts… they don't go well together," Ted said, "Am I rushing the chapter? Yes. But I am going to keep delaying this if I don't finish now so it's gotta be this way,"
"...so… can we go back to the manor?" Luigi asked.
"You guys stay overnight," Ted decided, "You got room in Osho Castle, right Kumatora?"
"I mean technically-,"
"Great, I'm calling it a day," Ted yawned, "Readers, be sure to read the revised rules at the end. The dares got to be a bit more than I could handle this time,"
"Ahhh," Orange let out as she dipped her human body into the hot spring, "This feels sooo nice. I get why Lucas and Pit love these things,"
"Who's Pit again? There's just so many of you here, I can hardly keep track," Hinawa asked as she sat in the hot spring. Upon hearing that Orange's normal body would dissolve in water, Hinawa made it her mission to show the girl the wonders of hot springs. She figured it'd be a good way to get to know her too. When they had arrived, Kumatora, Bayonetta, and Palutena were already in the hot spring chatting amongst each other.
"I think he's the angel dude," Kumatora answered.
"And such an adorable one at that," Palutena chimed in, who was on her forth martini, "Did you see how he looked passed out with Viridi? It's so cute,"
"You sure are dead set on pairing the two together," Bayonetta noted, "Don't you think the boy can handle that his own?"
"Nah, he needs divine intervention whenever he can get it," Orange smiled.
"If I recall correctly, wasn't your relationship with Lucas caused by outsider meddling?" Bayonetta asked.
"I mean… yeah," Orange admitted, "But I would of asked him out eventually,"
"I always imagined Lucas getting together with a girl who was a bit bolder than him," Hinawa said, "It just seems like a good match,"
"Bet you never imagined the whole squid thing," Orange stated.
"No," Hinawa admitted, "But I don't mind. You seem like a sweet girl overall,"
"And apparently he likes squid girls anyway, so that's a bonus," Kumatora added.
Orange raised a foot from above the water. "Yeah…,"
The rest of the women in the hot spring laughed. "I think we all learned a bit too much about each other today," Hinawa said.
"Think of it this way Orange," Palutena suggested, "Foot massages. Anytime you want one,"
Kumatora continued to laugh while Hinawa and Bayonetta nodded in agreement. "And so what if he likes feet. Just be sure the boy sweeps you off them every once and awhile," Bayonetta said.
The girls continued to chat about a multitude of topics ranging from their adventures to funny stories involving them or the people they knew. Just as Palutena was thinking about calling it a night, a familiar tune from earlier could be heard from the sky. As it got louder, the girls looked to find Rosalina, still tripping through the air. Rosalina's trip finally ended once she ended up in the middle of the hot spring.
She rose up from the water in front of the other women and noticed that all of them, with the exception of Orange, weren't wearing swimsuits.
"This isn't what I wished for," Rosalina commented, "But I'm not complaining,"
The girls all talked a while longer before everyone except Orange and Hinawa left. They had just changed back into their normal clothes and were ready to head back.
"You know, you're welcome to stay at our home while you're here," Hinawa offered.
"I appreciate the dinner earlier ma'am, but I think we'll be heading to the castle, besides you only have two beds," Orange answered.
"We'll?" Hmmm," Hinawa stated.
"Oh… dammit," Orange muttered to herself.
Hinawa chuckled. "I was young once too. It's fine,"
"You are… surprisingly cool with the thing between me and Lucas, why's that?"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a squid," Orange clarified why holding up her strands of hair, forgetting that they weren't tentacles, "Well, not now, but you know,"
"Well… it just doesn't seem like an issue, if I'm being honest. If Lucas is happy, you are happy, and you both love each other, who would I be to go against that?"
"Such a hippie answer," Orange chuckled.
"I don't know what a 'hippie answer' means," Hinawa replied, "But that's the truth,"
"Huh… you really are cool,"
"This old lady… nah!" Hinawa playfully denied.
"You're not that old!"
"C'mon, I'm almost in my forties," She said, "I need to start thinking about what I'll do to keep up with my grandbabies… speaking of which,"
"Heh… you're gonna have to bug Claus for that," Orange blushed, "We aren't exactly… compatible in that department,"
Hinawa looked disappointed initially. "Wonder if I can give one of those dares?"
"You wouldn't dare!" Orange shouted.
"Kidding, I'm kidding,"
A few days after the session, Isabelle was spending her day in Town Hall dusting off various surfaces. New fighters don't come in too much and the only work she was to do is routing work orders for the homes and apartments in Smash Town. There really isn't much work to do and despite Daniel telling her that she can take a day off, she refuses to do so. That being said, she does get bored of dusting and those work orders don't come around often. Maybe she should take a day off.
Just as she was thinking that, two people walked into the building. A man and a woman, both with light green hair in somewhat similar, but obviously gendered attire. Isabelle jumps up and runs behind the counter to serve their needs.
"Welcome to Smash Town's Town Hall!" Isabelle greeted, "How may I help you?"
The two place their Smash invitations on the counter. "We were invited to the tournament," said the man.
"Oh, you don't want to be here," Isabelle worried, "He'll keep you here. Probably forever!"
"Who?" The woman asked.
"That'd be me!" Bob announced as he barged into the town hall building, "Welcome Byleth and Byleth to the game I'm hosting,"
"You're hosting the tournament?" The male Byleth asked.
"Not the tournament… something else," Bob said, "Oh! By the way, what house did you two teach?"
"Blue Lions," They both answered in unison.
"Welp… I haven't played that route yet," Bob sighed. He manifested a shotgun and promptly fired some slugs at the two Byleths, killing them and leaving Isabelle mortified.
"W-why'd you do that!?" Isabelled cried.
"Like I said, I haven't played the Blue Lions route. I only did Crimson Flower and Verdant Wind routes," Bob reiterated, "You know what… I think I'll go pick them up right now. You got the mess in here?"
Isabelle began to break down in tears.
"I'll take that as a yes," Bob created a portal and hopped into the branching multiverse of Fire Emblem: Three Houses.
Meanwhile, in the city of Enbarr, capital of the Adrestian Empire. The empress, Edelgard von Hresvelg, and her lovely tactician and former professor, Byleth (who was a woman with blue hair), where walking about in the castle's garden. They had just recently defeated Those Who Slither in the Dark and the two were reflecting on the path they had taken to get where they are now.
"Profess- I mean, Byleth," Edelgard misspoke, "It still feels strange calling you by your name,"
Byleth smiled. "I'm sure you'll get used to it eventually,"
The two shared a moment of silence as they stared out at the lively flora that decorated the castle's garden.
Edelgard took a breath. She just had to get his off her chest. But before she could muster up the words to speak, Byleth inquired. "Having second thoughts?"
"Is it that obvious?" Edelgard commented, "I try, but my poker face simply doesn't compare to yours,"
"But really El, what's on your mind?"
"I always dump my worries onto you," Edelgard sighed.
"I don't mind," Byleth assured, "It's what we're supposed to do,"
"Sometimes… I stay up at night wondering if we did everything right. I still believe that what we did was right, but… did we have to kill our former classmates? I keep telling myself it's all part of the ebb and flow of history… but I've been having doubts,"
"It had to be done,"
"I know but… why did you join me? All those years ago,"
"I believed you were right. I've felt the Church was up to something too," Byleth then hugged her from behind, "And… I hate to admit it, but I may have been falling for you even back then,"
"That's hardly a professional relationship," Said a stern voice. The two turn around to see Hubert standing behind them. He was only wearing dark clothing with the exception of an embroidered flower pinned to his collar.
"How long were you listening in, Hubert?" Edelgard asked.
"Long enough to assure you that any doubts about your actions were necessary evils,"
"I don't think that helps," Byleth chimed in.
"I do apologize for interrupting your moment of confidence, Lady Edelgard, but your presence is needed in the throne room. Members of the other houses have important matters to discuss with you,"
Byleth gave Edelgard a kiss on the cheek. "We'll talk later,"
Just then, Bob appeared out of nowhere with a shotgun in one hand and half a bottle of liquor in the other. "Hey, Byleth, you're being kidnapped. Let's go,"
"If it weren't for the fact that you teleported here, I'd almost treat this drunken threat to Her Majesty as a joke," Hubert scoffed as he prepared to cast a spell at Bob. The drunk host replied by grazing his arm with a shotgun blast, "W-what kind of magic is this?!"
"It's the legendary boomstick," Bob answered, "And I don't want Bernadetta to cry when I have to kill you, so back away," Bob grabbed Byleth by the arm, opened a portal, and threw her inside with him. Edelgard, without hesitation followed after her just before the portal closed, leaving Hubert injured with Her Majesty and her fiancee missing.
Meanwhile, in an alternate version of Fodlan, where the Leicester Alliance won the war and united the land as one kingdom, everyone was gathered in the cathedral of Garreg Mach Monastery. It was the green haired male Byleth's wedding and Claude was his best man. Lady Rhea acted as the officiant.
"You nervous Teach?" Claude whispered to him.
"More than I should be," Byleth replied, "Don't really know why,"
"It's a big day for you, Byleth," Rhea whispered, "A little nervousness is understandable,"
Just then, the music began to play and the bride walked into the cathedral. It was the day Dorothea dreamed of and it was better than anything she could have imagined. She never imagined her wedding taking place in Garreg Mach. Her wedding dress was beautiful as she walked down the aisle. This day couldn't be any better.
But it can certainly get worse.
Bob, Edelgard, and the female Byleth were all thrown out of a portal just as Dorothea got up to her husband to be.
"Man… I gotta stop dimension hopping while drinking," Bob muttered as he picked himself up off the ground.
"Ahhh!" Bernadetta screamed, "She's come back from the dead for revenge!" She then immediately ran out of the cathedral. Raphael ran after her to assure her that it probably wasn't the case… probably.
"Edie!?" Dorothea blurted, "You're alive!?"
"I died?" Edelgard responded in confusion, "And Claude, you're alive?"
"I died!?" Claude blurted, "And… is Teach a woman?"
"Is that me as a guy?" The female Byleth blurted.
"Guys, guys, I can explain everything," Bob announced.
"Yes," Rhea stated, "What makes you think you can show up and ruin this couple's special day? With an enemy of the Church, no less,"
"I'm getting there, hold up," Bob assured, "So basically, Edelgard and this genderbent Byleth come from an alternate universe where she teaches the Black Eagles, joins the fight against the Church, kills Claude, kills a bunch of other students, kills Rhea. And she probably did all of this just so she could fingerblast Edelgard,"
While Edelgard and the female Byleth were taken aback by Bob's crude, but accurate remarks, the rest of the monastery was still trying to get ahold of the situation at hand. Claude, however, was less serious than he should be.
"Huh, didn't think Edelgard would swing that way," He commented, "And with girl Teach,"
"What do you want?" The male Byleth asked.
"Uh… I'm kidnapping you, basically," Bob said.
"Brave words to say for someone within casting distance," Lysithea threatened as she prepared Hades Omega.
"Fair enough," Bob conceded, "But I'm just gonna warn y'all that I can basically make kill anyone I want to before you can touch me. And as proof, I just killed the gatekeeper while we were talking,"
Everyone in the cathedral turns to where the gatekeeper was. This was one of the few days where he got to be off duty and dress up for a fancy occasion but now all that was left of him were his fancy clothes and a pile of ash.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" The Byleths shout, "That was the gatekeeper!"
"Yeah… even I kinda felt bad," Bob admitted, "But I'll bring him back if your Byleth comes with me. I promise he'll be back safe and sound... and I may remove a crest from Lysithea,"
"Do it Professor! Do it! Do it! DO IT!" Lysithea chanted.
"Lysithea!" Hilda scolded.
"I mean… don't?" Lysithea replied, "What do you want me to say Hilda?"
Byleth looked toward Bob and the portal, then at everyone else. Dorothea could tell from the look in his eyes that he was going to go ahead and go with him if it meant saving everyone from Bob's wrath, which was shown off in the most casual way possible, while extremely drunk.
"Byleth, please don't go," Dorothea begged.
The male Byleth sighed. "If I want any chance at saving the gatekeeper or Lysithea, I must. I'm sorry this had to be during the wedding. I'll-,"
Dorothea kissed her fiance. "I know there's no stopping you… Are we married now Rhea?"
Rhea didn't think the wedding was still in progress. "Uh… I pronounce you man and wife…," Nobody could really celebrate given the circumstances.
Bob took a drink straight from his bottle. "Alright look. This may be the booze talking… but I'll let you guys finish your wedding and stuff, have your reception. I'll even erase your memories of me momentarily so that you can enjoy yourselves. But I'm taking Dorothea and Claude along too,"
"Why are you taking Claude?!" Hilda yelled.
"Because Claude's the coolest class leader," Bob slurred.
"I guess that's the most flattering reason to be kidnapped," Claude commented.
Bob, Edelgard, and the female Byleth went back into the portal. As they left, everything reverted back to how it was before the interruption, with Lysithea's second crest being gone, and the wedding went along as if nothing happened. Once the festivities were over, they'd remember and Bob would take them away.
The three then appeared in the Town Hall of Smash Town. They arrived to see Isabelle and Daniel dragging the dead lady Byleth out of the building, after having just disposed of the male. Blood stained the carpet where the two Byleths were slain.
"Was that… me?"
"Yeah," Bob replied, "She joined Blue Lions… then I killed her," Bob took another drink from his bottle, "So after she's done getting rid of the corpse, Isabelle will help you two settle in. Feel free to mingle with the other fighters. I gotta go," Bob opened up a portal and jumped in, closing it behind him. The lady Byleth and Edelgard were simply dumbfounded at everything that had happened.
Hello everyone, Ted here. I know I'm still fucking up. But I gotta be honest, the quantity of dares are getting out of hand. Ten for each person seems like a lot when there are about ten or so people leaving dares. So I'll just say this. I will only do at least five dares from each request. Maybe I'll do more if the story calls for it or I find it funny, but yeah, at least five. Twenty thousand word chapters are crazy.
Also, I've seen dares that, while they are good, seem to be better bonus chapter material (like last chapter with Sans and Kratos). Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of Mario and Sonic reacting to the new Sonic movie MST3K style, The Smashers in the infinate Ikea (may be it's own story), and Agents 3 and 8 going through an Aperture Science testing course. This will allow me to put out updates more frequently since I don't need to write so much at one time. So please keep submitting your crazier ideas, you never know what'll turn into it's own chapter.
