Hi! I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still dealing with my medically whatnots (which is a breast cancer diagnosis). I have a great doctor and team and we have a plan – I like a plan. But this story won't let me be, so I will continue to write more when I can. Thanks for all of the feedback and well-wishes!

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better." Twelfth Night, Act 3, Scene 1

C.J. awoke in the darkened closet, her head throbbed dully. Houston wasn't lying next to her, so she figured he must be helping Hoyt with the investigation of Meredith's shooting. She had no idea how long she had been in there. An hour or twelve, all she remembered was Sally giving her medicine saying something about calling the neurologist, and Houston coming in to check on her, as he stroked her hair, he was whispering in her ear that he loved her. She made her way to the door and opened it a crack and waited to see if the light would stab at her like it had earlier when she made a trip out to get something to eat and drink. She was grateful when it didn't cause any additional throbbing. After she went to the bathroom, she went to the kitchen to get herself a drink and to determine what time it was. The clock showed 7:00pm. She could see that no one was on the patio, so she went to Uncle Roy's room but no one was there. "They must all be outside."

She slipped on her shoes then stepped out the front door and looked around. She saw bright lights over the hill and thought that the investigation must still be going on. She looked over to the barn and the lights were on in there as well. She decided she wanted to know how Calamity was doing more than she wanted to know about Meredith, so she walked to the barn.

When she entered the barn, she saw the huge, still shiny and sticky, blood stain on the floor that no one had had time to clean up yet. She looked around and didn't see any of the other horses in their stalls. Upon closer inspection she could see bloody hoof and boot prints that led out the back door of the barn. She followed the trail and it disappeared after several yards outside in the gravel driveway. The truck with the horse trailer was gone and she wondered who was driving it. She figured it had to be Bo and Lamar, because Houston wouldn't want to leave that many cops wandering around on the ranch without being there to get the details of the investigation. She went back into the barn, and was unsure if she should get the hose and start cleaning up the blood, or if it would be considered part of the crime scene. If it were, then they may still need to get evidence from it, so she walked back out of the barn and up the road. She didn't feel up to it, but she knew Hoyt would want to get her statement sooner rather than later.

As soon as she reached the crest of the hill, she was surprised at the number of officers that were still there. She didn't see a tarp covering Meredith's body, so she must have been taken away by the coroner's office. She could see that some of the lights were outside of the gate and across the road. She could just make out officers moving about in the bushes all the way up the hill. The lights were much brighter than she could tolerate and she was about to turn around to go back to the house when she saw Houston coming toward her at a quick pace, followed by Hoyt. Before she turned completely around, she saw Houston wave off Hoyt, then she waited for him to come to her.

When he got to her, he stood in front of her, then gently encircled her with his arms and she rested her head on his chest and put her good arm around his waist. After a moment, he kissed her head and asked, "Hey, darlin', feeling any better?"

She exhaled then said, "I was, but those lights are really bothering me." Then she inhaled his scent, a mixture of cologne and clean sweat, and it made the magnet energize and her to relax into his embrace. She inquired wearily, "Where is everyone?"

He kissed the top of her head again before answering, "Well, Bo and Lamar took Calamity to the vet. They aren't back yet, so I guess they're still with her." They had to come in the back gate and were just getting to the barn when Houston had run into it, calling for them. He grabbed the closest thing at hand, a saddle pad, and used it to stave off the bleeding. They got her into the trailer, and Bo stood in the trailer with her to continue to apply pressure, while Lamar drove to the vet as fast as he could. Houston could feel C.J.'s next question, "She got her good in the eye. They may not be able to save it."

That made C.J. sad, so she breathed, "I want her to be my horse." Not that Houston would have Calamity put down because she lacked an eye, but she wanted him to know that she wouldn't let him even begin to entertain the idea of selling her or giving her away. A part of her knew that Calamity had probably only bit Meredith because she was standing in the way of her getting the sweet feed, but she was never like that with anyone else. Not even the Novelli boys at their most rambunctious. No, Calamity had sensed that Meredith was a threat and bit her in a protective move.

Houston's instant reply was, "She's yours." He knew C.J. would love Calamity to the end. Then he continued, "Uncle Roy went to the hospital. His fever spiked and Sally didn't want to take a chance of it being something serious."

C.J. started to pull away, "I'll go get changed and go to the hospital."

He pulled her back, and said gently, "Will is with him. They're going to keep him overnight. He will call and let us know if anything changes. We can go see him in the morning. Right now…"

"Right now, I need her statement." Hoyt insisted. He and Houston had been having heated discussions all afternoon and into the evening about when the officers would be able to talk to C.J. They looked at the surveillance tapes, but her statement was crucial. He understood why Houston was being so protective, but he also knew that the longer it took to get her statement, the more details that would be lost. It had been determined that none of the officers were the ones who fired the shot that killed Meredith, and IAD had been there to make sure that everything was done by the book. Now they were scouring the hills surrounding Houston's property to find any evidence the shooter might have left behind.

Houston stated firmly, "Now, Hoyt, I already told you the lady…"

C.J. lifted her head off of his chest and interrupted, "Will do her civic and court appointed duty." Houston looked at her disapprovingly, but she looked into his eyes lovingly, and he shook his head in defeat, then they kissed tenderly. She took a step away from him and looked at Hoyt. "Would it be alright to do it in the house? Those lights aren't helping my headache."

He reached over and patted her arm, "Of course, counselor. You head back to the house and I'll get one of my men to join us."

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After several hours of C.J. being questioned by Hoyt and a few other detectives, Houston finally put his foot down. "That's enough!" He told them firmly. "She's told you everything she remembers and she needs to get some rest." He had been hovering around her, getting her something to eat and drink, studying her closely when Hoyt finally made him leave the room. He busied himself by hosing the blood out of the barn, letting the horses in from the field and getting them ready to bed down for the night. When he returned to the house he looked into the kitchen and, even from the front door, he knew C.J. was worn out.

Hoyt put up his hand, "Just give us fifteen more minutes." He looked at C.J., "Can you do a few more?" She nodded, but her eyes blinked slowly, so Michael knew she was at an end anyway.

Houston glowered, "I'll be back in ten, so start wrapping it up." Then he left the room and his footsteps could be heard going up the stairs. When he came back down a few minutes later, he walked over to her, and handed her her medicine and she took it. Then he told them, "Gentlemen, she's done. Anything else you need will have to wait until tomorrow." After he ushered them out, he came back and guided C.J. upstairs.

When they arrived at their room, he led her to the candle lit bathroom. He had filled the large claw-foot tub with hot water and bubbles. There was a flowery neck pillow that really didn't fit with his macho image, and C.J. had to ask, "Where'd that come from?"

He answered without thinking, "Someone left it at the condo…" Then he realized that she might assume it was Elizabeth's and quickly added, "It wasn't hers. I think it was…"

She put her fingers to his lips to shush him, and said with a weak smile, "You don't have to explain." She knew all about his dating history and truly hadn't assumed it was Elizabeth's.

He kissed her fingers then, after he helped her undress, he kissed her sweetly, then told her, "You slip into the tub and relax and I'll be back in a little while."

By the time he returned to the room, she had already exited the tub, dried off and was lying in bed. He had gone out to be sure that the cops hadn't needed anything else and to be sure that Vinny D's men, the doubled-up night shift, understood what they were supposed to be on the lookout for that night. Raul and Jeremy had suffered some serious stab wounds, and were transported to the hospital. Later in the day Hoyt got word that they would both make full recoveries, but they gathered the evidence for assault charges if they ever caught who had helped Meredith in her efforts that day.

Houston showered and changed into pajama bottoms; C.J.'s eyes fluttered open when he got in bed. She moved over, gave him a kiss then snuggled up next to him with her head resting on his chest. He put his arms around her and kissed her on the head. He heaved a sigh, "What a day, huh?"

"Mmmm." Was her sleep reply. She inhaled his scent and whispered, "I want you." Before she exited the tub, she knew where this night was going, so hadn't put her sling back on, thus it allowed her hand to slowly make its way down his bare chest and stomach and it disappeared under the covers. She had thought about him while in the warm bath, and a carnal urge to claim him had hit her. It was an urge that she would normally have been able to ignore, but after the day's events, she didn't want to ignore it. She wanted him, and she knew it wouldn't be terribly difficult to seduce him tonight.

It was then that he realized she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing. He caught her hand, but couldn't stop a grin from playing across his face, "Not tonight dear, you have a headache." He knew they shouldn't be engaging in any pleasurable activities after the headache she experienced earlier. Now he just had to convince her, and his little cowboy, it would be best to wait a day or two.

She knew he was grinning and she giggled, "It's not so bad now, and I want you." Then she kissed his chest playfully a couple of times and he let go of her wrist.

He let out a sigh, "You're incorrigible." Then used his index finger to tilt her head up so he could kiss her lovingly. When her hand slid into his pajama bottoms and found its target, he let out a low moan, "Ms. Parsons, what am I going to do with you?"

While she slowly stroked him, his body responded to her touch, she began to kiss his jawline and whispered, "Don't worry, it feels like your little cowboy knows what do with me." He gave up resisting and just followed her lead.

After she had claimed him once again in a deliciously slow and methodical manner, he held her close and told her, "I'm proud of you."

She giggled, "Thanks. It's not the usual feedback I get after love making, but I'll take it." She grinned up at him.

He laughed, "No, not about that…" He waggled his eye brows, "Although…" He kissed her deeply, thinking that if this was her pace while injured, he was going to have to up his game before she was fully healed. After the kiss, he continued, "I mean about how you handled everything today. Uncle Roy said you were decisive and in control of the whole situation. You kept everyone safe."

She looked away, "But Raul and Jeremy and Calamity were hurt…" That made it feel like less of a win.

"Hey…" He cupped her face to steer her eyes back to him, "Everyone who was injured today will recover. And I promise you we will figure out who was behind all of this."

She whispered, "It won't stop the bad dreams." She rested her head on his chest again and he ran his fingers through her hair. After several moments, C.J. began, "She said that the person who was helping her hates me more than even she did. She saw pictures of things…" She replayed it in her head again, "The football…" She decided, "Really, anyone could have been on property and taken those pictures…" There had been so many guests that day of the house warming. She pondered the other examples Meredith had told her and it didn't make sense that anyone could have seen those events. Her mind raced, "But… But we only made out in the pool that one night. And it was after the security cameras were installed. I think someone must have hacked our system. Tomorrow after we go see Roy, I'm going to get to work on BABY…"

Houston had been following along with her train of thought, but at the last few words his breath caught and he shook his head, "C.J., I can't have you at the office. I want you there. I really do. No one, but no one, can put BABY through her paces like you, but…"

She began her quickly reasoned argument, "Houston, I can do a few hours. It'll be fine. If I…"

He made up his mind on the matter and said firmly, "No, C.J." He felt her body tense, so he added, "At least not until you're off of all of the medicine." Her body was still tense, and he softened his tone even further, "I can't risk it. I can't." She was tense in his arms for a minute or so, then she rolled away from him and got out of bed, not bothering to put on her robe. He then he asked plaintively, "Where ya' going?"

As she walked around the end of the bed, her soft yet curt reply was, "To the bathroom. Don't want a UTI." Which wasn't entirely inaccurate.

He sighed, then reminded her, "I thought we weren't going to do that anymore." The couples counseling couldn't come soon enough as far as he was concerned. At this moment, Tuesday seemed a long way off.

She stopped at the bathroom doorway and looked at him, "I'm mad, Houston. Not once did my being concerned for your safety ever stop you from doing exactly what you wanted to do. But you expect me to just obey you…" She stopped herself from saying more, then stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, but didn't leave the bathroom when she was done and had washed her hands. She sat on the floor with her back against the wall as she was wrestling with herself. Fat tears dropped from her eyes unbidden. She knew he was probably right, but it made her angry all the same. She knew she was going to do what he asked, and that made her angrier at herself. She could have cried in front of him, and, because a crying woman was his Achilles' heel, he probably would have acquiesced. However, from the time she was old enough to know the game girls played to get their way, she had never liked it. She much preferred logical arguments to prove she was right. Not that he would ever let her get that far.

By the time she had collected herself, slid on a plum, wide-strapped nightgown and got her sling back on, it had been almost an hour. She quietly opened the door, and heard his soft snores. As she watched him sleeping, the magnet tried to pull her towards him, but she slipped out of the room and went down to the kitchen. As quietly as she could, she rinsed the dishes and coffee mugs that the officers had used and loaded them into the dishwasher. Then she went to Uncle Roy's room to check for any dishes that might have been left behind. After that she went to the living room, sat down and turned on the TV. She clicked through the security cameras, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary, except for a lot more men posted along the perimeter, all the way around the perimeter. There was nothing good on TV, so she popped one of her favorite "bad" movies into the VCR.

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Houston found himself outside at his Texas ranch on a bright blue horse. C.J. was on a pale pink horse, riding next to him. Her belly was swollen from their baby that was growing inside her. He smiled at how beautiful she was and how the light around them seemed to be emanating from her. Suddenly there was rush of voices and as he looked past her, he saw a couple of hundred women running toward them.

He could make out a few faces, but most were a blur. He knew instinctively that they were all the women he had bedded over the years. They were all clamoring for him and calling his name. Meredith's face was the one that really stood out. She had a knife and was about to stab C.J., when he grabbed the reins to C.J.'s horse and spurred his on to gallop away.

The scene dissolved and he was standing in front of C.J., dressed in a blue dress with a cream suit jacket that fit perfectly over her not pregnant belly. They were in an office somewhere in South America, he knew somehow. He was overwhelmingly mad, and seethed at her, "You had to know I'd win this game of cat and mouse. Did you really think moving here would keep me from finding you?"

There was defeat in C.J.'s eyes and her entire demeanor. She bit her lip, then asked, "So are you going to kill me now?"

He was taken aback, "What? No. I…"

She tilted her head to the side, there was a tiny hint of fear in her determined voice, "That's what the cat does when it catches the mouse, isn't it? It kills it. So, go ahead and do it, then go back to your wife." The last word was spoken with much disdain.

Was he married? Yes, he married Elizabeth. When he went back to LA, C.J. was gone without a trace and it made him angry. He knew he had spent months tracking her down, and just missing her as she fled Sydney. He contested, "I don't want to kill you. I just want to know why you took your friendship away. I need you."

She was sad and sympathetic, "You don't need me. You never did. You have the woman from your dreams, so kill me, and go back to her."

He was insistent, "I don't want to kill you! I just want to know why…"

She shook her head, "You can't see that you took yours away first?" A tear ran down her cheek, "You can't have both; the woman from your dreams and your friend. She won't let you. And now you're here to kill me, just like she wants you to."

He crossed the room, put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a firm shake, "Stop saying that! I don't want to kill you! I want…"

As the tears flowed down her cheeks, she nodded knowingly, "You made your choice. I wanted you to love me, but… I was never good enough for you." She gave him a sad little smile, "So, you're going to kill me, like she asked you to do, then you'll go back to your perfect life with the woman from your dreams" She added mournfully, "And you'll never ask who put her in your dreams."

That gave him pause, "What does that mean?" Suddenly he noticed the gun in his hand and that it was pointed at C.J.'s chest. He couldn't figure out how it got in his hand or why he would be pointing it at her.

As he was lowering the gun, he heard the voices of a man and a woman telling him, "Kill her already. She means nothing to you. We told you that you can't love her. You cannot love her. If you have those feelings for her, you must kill her and be rid of them. DO IT!"

When he looked around for the source of the voices the gun went off. He heard C.J. scream and looked back to see C.J.'s, suddenly pregnant again, belly gushing blood from the wound. He was horror-struck, yelled, "NO!" as he went to her and gathered her up in his arms. "NO!"

She coughed blood, but then said softly, "I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. I really wanted to be, because I love you…"

He declared loudly, "I love you, too!" He begged, "Stay with me! I love you!" But then she went limp and he knew she had died and the light faded and he was alone in the dark.

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When Houston awoke in a cold sweat, he looked at the clock. It was a couple of hours after C.J. had gone into the bathroom. He had thought about going in and talking to her when she hadn't emerged after she had washed her hands, but then thought better of it. As he looked around, he almost panicked when he realized she wasn't in bed, and as his feet hit the floor, the door opened and she walked in.

Even in the half-light she could see the panic on his face. She crossed the room quickly, and sat next to him on the bed. She stroked his back and ran her fingers through his hair. "What's wrong?" He merely shook his head and looked away. She stroked his cheek then ran her fingers through his hair again. She had dozed off during the movie, but awoke when she heard him yell and went up the stairs as fast as she could. She implored gently, "You'd want me to tell you. Tell me. What happened?"

He looked into her eyes and said, "I had a bad dream." His lips pursed as he looked down. He hated being vulnerable, but loved that he could be so with her and she wouldn't judge or pity him. She would just love him like she always had.

She moved onto the bed and sat with her back against the headboard. With her good arm she pulled him so that his head was resting on her chest. He put his left arm behind her back and let his hand rest on her hip, not wanting to hurt her broken ribs. His other hand rested on her belly briefly then slowly began running up and down it, while she stroked his back soothingly, resting her head on his. "Was I in the dream?"

He nodded, "And when you weren't there when I woke up, I panicked." He tried to shake off the feelings the dream brought, but it was difficult.

She kissed his head and implored, "Tell me."

He then told her about the dream and continued to rub her tummy, especial when he was speaking about her pregnant belly. When he was done, he quietly asked, "What do you think it means?"

She kissed his head and sighed, "I think the underlying theme is that you are worried that someone else from your past will come back to hurt me and our baby. That you might be the instrument they use to do it." He nodded, but did not speak, so she continued, "I also think you're still not fully over the fact that I was planning on moving to another country if you had married Elizabeth."

He nodded, "I would have spared no expense or amount of time. It would have been my only focus, and I would've tracked you down."

She kissed his head again, then whispered, "Would you? Because I don't think she would have liked that at all."

He thought for a minute about how it would have played out with Elizabeth and had to agree, "It would have ruined my marriage, to be sure, but I need my constant." He looked up and kissed her, then rested his head again, "I need my C.J. I always have. I always will."

She hugged him then stated, "I need you, too." She was quiet for a while, thinking about what he had told her about his dream, then added with a little giggle, "I think your dream also means you're looking forward to seeing me all blown up like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon."

As he grinned and chuckled, he ran his hand over her belly again, "Oooh, darlin', you were so beautiful pregnant." He sat up and looked at her, "I don't want to wait until after the wedding to get you pregnant. As soon as the doctor's say we can try, I want to try."

She caressed his cheek, and was about to explain why she thought they should wait, but the look in his eyes made her say with a sly smile, "Until then we'll just have to hone our technique."

His grinned widened, "What are you doin' right now?" By way of an answer, she leaned up and kissed him.

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The next day they visited Roy at the hospital. Will was already in the room and making sure that his dad was being taken care of when Houston and C.J. arrived. Roy had an infection around his trache and they were giving him IV antibiotics for it. They wanted to keep him one more day to be sure the fever didn't come back. They had been visiting for about an hour when Roy mentioned, because the hospital wouldn't puree the food and Roy had to have the liquid food, "I don't like how this stuff makes my stomach feel. I miss your cooking already, C.J."

She gave him a sympathetic look and stroked his hand. She said softly, "It's only for another day, then you can come home and I'll make you a proper meal. What do you think you'll want?"

"I've been thinking about Rosa's lasagna." His blue eyes twinkled at her.

She grinned and nodded, "That should be easy enough. I will pull some out of the freezer and we can all have it tomorrow for dinner. How's that sound?"

He managed a little nod, "That sounds like something to look forward to."

Just then Will burst out laughing and Houston had a grin on his face as he snickered that made C.J. ask, "What?"

Will, who couldn't wait to make C.J. blush, said, "I just mentioned to Matt that you aren't wearing your sunglasses in this bright room and asked if he gave you one of his special injections last night." Her cheeks flushed then he added, "He indicated it was two."

She turned even more crimson and gave Houston the look, then all at once, sighed and narrowed her eyes while rolling them. He merely held back a laugh and tried for an innocent look, but couldn't pull it off. He and Will burst out laughing again. She shook her head and looked back at Roy.

Roy just finished using his communicator which said, "I know I have told you boys about that kind of talk in front of ladies." That made them both laugh all the more.

C.J. inhaled deeply then stood up and kissed Roy on the cheek, "I've got errands to run, but I will come back to see you before I head back to the ranch. Is there anything I can bring you?"

It took a moment, then he responded, "A son and a nephew who know how to behave themselves?"

She chuckled, "Sorry, Roy, I can NOT help you with that. Anything else?"

"No, but you can take them with you when you go, so I can get some rest." His eyes twinkled and he even managed a weak, half-smile, which was progress.

She returned his smile, then turned and started to walk out of the room, adding, "Let's go boys, Uncle Roy needs a break from you two."

Houston walked over and kissed Roy on the forehead. He said, "C.J. is taking two guards with her to check on things at her house while Will and I go to the office." This was agreed upon after much discussion over breakfast before he and C.J. left the ranch this morning. He continued, "I'm having guards here for you outside your door, so you don't have to worry about anything. They know who should be coming in and anyone who shouldn't will wish they had stayed home. Okay?"

Roy replied, "Yes, that's fine. Matt, I want you to get in touch with my friend at the Company. The number is in my desk. Tell them you need a PR-35 on Meredith. They'll know what to do."

Houston nodded, "I will do that. I'm having Kai's Navy buddy go back over our security system. C.J. thinks we've been hacked. Will and I will set up new protocols regardless. Rest up and we'll see you later."

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The same man and woman were on the phone again. He had listened to the recording from Houston's bedroom last night and was adamant, "They're going to figure out what we've done and prevent it from happening again. That C.J. is smarter than you led us to believe. We need to apply pressure now."

The woman made a disagreeing noise, "No, we need to back off. If we make any more moves right now, he will figure it out. If the programming was done right, it won't matter when we revisit." She tapped her perfectly manicured nails and gave an evil snicker, "Let them get comfortable again. I want her nice and relaxed and thinking she doesn't have a care in the world. Then we'll lower the boom."