The eighth day
-Garrett Wylde, 17, District 4-
Nebuchadnezzar seems… Cheerful today. That's somewhat of a relief. Ever since whatever the hell happened back on the train that caused the death of two of their allies, there was something… Off about the guy.
Not that there wasn't before, honestly. Something about the way he seemed to buddy up- well, no, buddying up wouldn't have been weird- cuddling up to me is just not normal. I mean, don't get me wrong, having someone to be competitive with in training was definitely a good thing. I really needed something to pull my focus back in, and at the time, he seemed like the perfect solution. I didn't even have to tell my allies about my diagnosis… At the time, it seemed like this guy was sent from heaven to help me. Out of the bunch, he seemed normal- the past tense is super important on that one. Turns out, I was wrong on my initial judgement. Somewhere in between then and now, something snapped.
The problem is, I can't judge exactly how bad it is. He seems to have re-stabilized himself, acting with a sense of normalcy, as if I've forgotten how tense it was that day, and the things that Lori was accusing him of… I have a feeling that even the slightest thing is going to cause him to spiral again, so I have to tread lightly… Something that I can't say is a strength of mine.
As we trudge through the snow, my head is whirling with thoughts that I can't pin down. I have so many different ideas on how I can escape, or attack, or strategize, that I can't hold onto anything… The only thing I can think of is what if?
What if?
What if?
What if isn't going to help me now… God. I've certainly gotten myself into trouble, haven't I? Not that there was any good option between the tributes from District Two. They were equally as slimy, just in different ways. While Lori's sanity train had long since crashed and burned, at least Nez's still pulled into the station every once in a while. Ugh, I hate that I'm using a train metaphor right now. That train really sucked. I can still feel the alarming jolts and noises made by the train as it was screeching to a stop… I can hear the high-pitched squeaking and squealing of metal on metal… Man, it gives me the creeps just thinking about it. Almost like that close call in the ocean when I wasn't sure where shore was… Thankfully I managed to get back just fine. I remember the tears that stained Mari's cheeks when I got back.
Mari… She's so pretty. But she's also missing me just as badly as I'm missing her. It's been nine days, and I'm sure she hasn't slept a single wink. I haven't slept either. Not since the battle between the tributes from District Two. There really wasn't a good option there.
Oh yeah, wasn't I thinking about that before?
I release a quiet sigh through my nose. I know that when my thoughts chase each other around like this, I make myself vulnerable because I'm distracted. It's something I've been trying my best to work on with Caspian. Everything else comes easily, but the mental game is where I can sometimes slip. And at this point, slipping isn't an option for me. I have far too much waiting for me back home.
Home. I can almost feel the warm salty breeze on my face.
Unfortunately, Elizabella chooses precisely that moment to send the goddamn coldest breeze I've ever felt in my life our way. It's like an ice shower on a sticky summer morning: but those are both consensual and they feel good. This is neither of those things. I never thought I would feel this freezing in my life. They never prepared us for this in the Academy! Maybe because they didn't have a fucking freezer big enough for this shit. I wasn't even this cold when I had a bucket of ice water poured on my head. At least then I had a warm towel. The snow seeps into my feet. My toes have been cold and damp for days. I'm not optimistic that the ice castle we're trying to walk towards is going to be any better, but perhaps it'll have real fucking floors.
Nez stops and turns around when I stop to shiver. It's all my body can do to keep me from dying of hypothermia. I never realized how terrible of a feeling shivering actually is.
"What?" he asks, and for a moment, I see his face soften with concern, his eyes taking on that sappy look he has when he looks at me. At first I thought it was cute, endearing even, but now I realize that it's just a big mistake. He knows I have a girlfriend, right? And more importantly, he does know we're in a death match…
Maybe I'm just reading too far into it. I sure hope that's true. I never thought that I'd have to have an awkward rejection conversation here in the Hunger Games. I thought that my giving him the cold shoulder would convey the message. It certainly did to Ott.
Otty's still kicking somehow, though. It's a thought that is both worrisome and reassuring. If I don't win, perhaps he will, and then Mari will still be, to an extent, taken care of… And probably with a shiner from Mari… I can't stop a little laugh as we keep walking. Morbid, maybe. But true. Ultimately, he's a good kid. Not good ally material, but a good kid. Perhaps he'll pull it out if Nez snaps and kills me in my sleep tonight.
But that surely won't happen. He killed his own District partner defending me. I like to think that I have him under control, at least a little bit. When he would get heated before, he would always move closer to me. Again, endearing at first, but then just a little uncomfortable in in hindsight. In fact, most things about Nez are making me uncomfortable in hindsight.
Anyways, what was I thinking about again? I don't remember. Probably something about making my escape. But even if I do, who's to say there aren't strong alliances out there that I can't overpower by myself? If what he's saying is true, which is admittedly a big if, the 10 tributes are still together, and a threat as well. I don't believe his story completely, but that part is quite likely. Honestly, if I could choose to fight the brute from 10 as a team, I would. Just for security's sake. One thing that Mari told me to do is stay safe. She joked about me not being able to carry her around if I'm a cripple, which would be true. I want to get out of here as cleanly as possible. And if that means keeping Nez as a meat shield, that's what I'll do.
"Do you think there's anything good in these boxes?"
At his voice, I look up, for the first time noticing the huge, colorful presents that surround us.
"I feel like it's too vibrant to-" I have to stop as another icy gale from the core of hell causes my entire body to shiver- "be true."
"Right now, we can use whatever we can get." His mind's been set as he treks over to the green and purple present.
I don't trust it for a minute… Brightly colored things are almost all poisonous, and I'm not about to take any chances. When he opens the box, a huge creaking sound emerges as a giant figure lurches out of it. Nez screams, but from the distance I can't help but laugh. It's a jack in the box. I haven't seen one of these since I was a little kid. This one…. Had seen better days. One of the eyes was popping out of its socket.
"What the hell was that?!" he shrieks, and I can't control it any longer, I burst out laughing. Nez scrunches his face in indignation. "Well at least I can handle a little bit of cold weather," he says, crossing his arms, which makes me pout. Thanks for that embarrassment on national television.
"Well, nobody can deal with it," I say.
"You know Sunshine Boy, some of us actually have winter back home."
"That doesn't make this any less terrible."
Nez cackles, and I'm just relaxed to see him acting somewhat normal with me. That's more than I can say for the past couple of months.
"Come on, let's keep moving. If we stop for too long, frost bite will start to set in."
That thought's enough to set me into motion, and I keep moving forward. All those pictures of people whose toes turned dark purple and blue before falling off… I mean, I could deal without a toe or two, but I'd rather not lose any at all.
I hurry to keep up with Nez as we continue to explore deeper into the Arena.
~.~.
-Serena Merlo, 16, District 8-
His horror-filled shrieks fill my dreams.
And they're sweet.
His blood stains my clothes.
And it's beautiful.
The memories of what I did to him will never leave.
And I never want them to.
He wasn't the one to get the last laugh. And he'll never get to laugh again.
"Who's laughing now?!" I am. Hear me laugh Walden. My laughter will echo off of the walls of hell where you will spend the rest of eternity. And you should know, Walden, that the reason I'm laughing is because I won. And you lost. I will forever be laughing at your failure to defeat me. Perhaps you filled my life with misery once… But that time is long gone and now it's the age of Serena.
I've done my time in hell, but unlike him, my time is over. I've served my time in hell through my life on earth. And now, it's time for this fallen angel to rise.
There's something about knowing that I've come out on top. There's something magic about the feeling that someone as lowly as me would have the power. Nobody could expect that this little girl could do something like this. That's because that's all they like to see me as. A little girl. Well, I'm not a little girl anymore.
I hope they're scared. All of them. I hope my parents are cowering in fear. I hope my friends are having nightmares. I hope that my brother is holed up in his room. They're all realizing what they're missing. They're missing the meek girl that they can bend and break until she submits, every single damn time. They're going to miss her for a long time, because she's never going to come back. I hope that they are all crying back home. I hope they're all tearing their fingernails down their arms. I hope they're all in their own personal hell, because they put me through my own. Now it's their turn to pay.
When I come home a Victor, I won't need any of them. I hope they're scared enough to not even dare to come find me in my house. I'll receive the glory that I was always held back from receiving. I'll receive fame, and money, and then it won't matter what anyone says. I'll be rich. I don't have to listen to them. And if they try to make me, then I'll make them listen to me instead. It's not as if they wouldn't deserve it.
I will accept visitors to grovel, though. Only to tell them that I wish them to suffer as they've made me suffer. Life isn't fair, I was told. Well, now it is fair for me. And I'm going to make sure it's not fair for them, never again.
I did it.
And I would do it again. I would do it to the people that called themselves my friends. They already did it to me first. My family, I would do it to them too. The whole lot of them. They treated me terribly for years, and I can treat them terribly too. They'll finally understand what misery feels like… they'd be gone before they could even apologize. Not that I would forgive them anyways.
Well, perhaps a couple could be forgiven… They just didn't understand the hell and torment they were dragging me through, those ones. They did so anyways, but out of ignorance more than malice.
Walker, my brother. Mental health imprisoned the boy. His eyes were caked over with bloody ghosts, he just didn't understand that I paid the price for him.
Vance, my dear. He offered me his love, not knowing that it would drag my heart through unending torment. He did not know the suffocating lies that being his would wrap me up in. He didn't understand the sacrifices I would have made… And how seeing his face, knowing he should be mine, torments my heart… My heart which is shrieking for him. But he cannot hear it.
They did not understand the pain they have caused. They do not deserve to burn for their actions. But they must understand… All will become clear to them.
I can hear the cheering, the applause. I can feel the light of the stage on my face. They're all applauding for me… They're all shouting my name, throwing flowers at me. All of them hoping to get at least a gaze from my heavily made-up eyes. I can hear the excitement in Caesar's voice to see me as I gracefully spread out my arms to the nation that will be putty in my hands. The little children, all of them wanting to be the beautiful, glowing lady that is holding the bouquets, shrouded in gold. Suddenly, all eyes will be on me, and only me. I'll get my moment to shine… So well-deserved. So hard-fought. Earned. After trial and tumult, one comes out alive. And that one gets everything she ever wanted. My dreams were never allowed to come true, and now they are. I will never give that up again.
Covered in blood, clothed in gold.
That was who she was. That is who she is. This is who she will be.
Queen. Murderess. Victoress.
I have stripped off the chains of slavery and accept the royal robes being wrapped around my shoulders. Now, all I have to do is show my loyalty.
I am a nightmare.
I am a monster.
I am a shadow.
I am a machine.
But I will be those things in order to be a queen.
Whatever it takes.
She wanted to be a queen. She wanted to be the Victor. She wanted to steal the crown that belongs on my head. Having her there just didn't make me comfortable. Knowing that there was someone else: someone feistier, someone cuter, someone smaller… there was no way I could allow her to live. It was too big of a risk.
Zuzanna had to die. And I had to be the one to do it.
My elbow throbs from where she bit it, the dog. My knees buckle, the bruises on them reminding me of being struck with her foot. She fought, but I fought harder. I knew from the start that I was going to win, and I was right. I came out on top.
Her blood fills my nose with copper.
The smell is sweet.
The image of her pale, mutilated body fills my brain.
And it is beautiful.
I will never forget the pain that filled me as she fought back.
And I never want to.
I did it. I don't regret it. I would do it again, and again, and I will.
I tried to take another, the girl with the blue hair. She had a strong guard dog. She was spunky, sweet, and a home girl. She was bubbly and a dreamer, with so much reason to get home. The fact that she walks on haunts me. I tried to reach out, I had her in my hand… But I could not follow through. She was whisked away from me. I should have a guard dog, too, but mine turned out to be a wretched mutt. But my pain will not remain with me forever. No, the more that I pass it to others, the less pain I feel. Ultimately, she and her guard dog will not have the last laugh. They will feel pain, they will stop breathing, and their faces will exist only in my dreams forever. I will be laughing then. It's my turn for good fortune. Theirs will be up soon enough.
Even so, the snow is far too white. It isn't perfect enough. It must be stained crimson. The blood must spill from their bodies like the tears that constantly poured from my eyes. They must know what it's like to cry. Like my heart bled, so will their bodies. But they at least have the snow to absorb their misery. I didn't have that luxury. They should consider themselves lucky.
Zu had to die in the dark. No snow. No stars. Nothing but darkness and pain. Just as I suffered. Her suffering was over. She was released. She was young. She understood pain. And now she was free from it.
Walden would never be free from it. And he deserved that.
Everyone would get what they deserved. Death was completely impartial. Really, I'm not doing them a disservice. They're allowed to go to a place where fairness exists. Death is the only way they'll be treated fairly. In granting them this much, I will emerge victorious. Nothing wrong with that. They deserve it, in fact. They deserve to be treated fairly, judged for the content of their inner desires. I'm simply making sure the innocent child knows. Life is unfair, cruel even. Life is painful. Life isn't fair. Then, I'm able to send them away from the pain and unfairness. And I'll do it to each and every one of the seven left.
They owe me a debt. They don't understand, but once they've transcended this place, they will.
This is who you have to be in order to win the Games.
A monster.
And that's a hell of a lot better than being a ghost.
~.~.
The ninth night
-Nebuchadnezzar Spiros, 18, District 2-
The sun sets on another day in this barren hellscape, surrounded by nightmarish atrocities made for children. But really big versions of them, just to make us piss our pants. Not that I actually pissed my pants earlier. No way. Maybe just a little bit. But not that much. Only a little bit. And it's just because I didn't pee first. That would be a good motto. Always pee first. And I totally thought of it first. Ha.
The sky is calm, serene. I remember the long nights spent in the shop with my other allies. Looking out the window and feeling like I was in a snow globe. It was so clear, calm, and beautiful. No light pollution from outside to ruin the sight, only the quiet clacking of the train on the tracks and another quiet body to keep me company…
Then I remember everything that transpired.
But I'm not all bad. I mean, I still have someone left, right? And it was the only one that was half decent of the bunch. All of the others had a screw loose. Yes, they did have a screw loose! I certainly don't. I've remained perfectly sane through everything… And it's been a lot.
Keep lying to yourself. I don't lie. Lying is deceit. Manipulation. And Nebuchadnezzar Spiros is not a liar. He's not deceitful. He doesn't manipulate. Those people only do so to hide their incredibly fragile egos. Their lack of raw skill, talent, natural knack for the game.
And yet… Garrett is here believing something that isn't true. Something that I told him. A… Lie. I lied to him, and I got away with it.
I thought that liars and cheaters reveled in their manipulation, but that's not how I feel at all. Probably because unlike them, I actually have something of a moral code. I actually feel regret, and remorse. And, in my life, a gentleman, a man of character, apologizes when he's wrong. Not something I've ever done before, of course… Because I've never messed up. I've always been a man of honesty and integrity. Surely I haven't broken that streak. This doesn't mean I'm any less moral. This doesn't mean I'm any less worthy of the title of Victor… right? I mean, in my whole life, I only made this one mistake. And, I mean, is it truly a mistake?
It is and you know it Nebuchadnezzar.
No. I only did what I had to do. I mean, the cheater is the one that got what he deserved. And I'm not a cheater. I'm getting the title on my own merit, not pulling any dirty tricks. There's still some hope left for this guy. I haven't lost it yet. I can still make things right….
But I can't tell the truth to Garrett. He still believes my lie. And admitting my lie is certain death. It would ruin any trust left between the two of us. I can't allow that to happen. At this point, I'm down my dominant hand. Which wouldn't be an issue really except for the fact that I would have to kill Garrett with it. And that isn't something I think I can do. Anything else can take him, but I can't hurt him with my own hand. Especially not the left one.
Therefore, I have to keep on lying. I hate to do it to the only person I trust, but I have no choice at this point. I'm weaker than him, injured, still a little weak from the fight, and his only weak point is that he doesn't like the cold. It wouldn't be an even fight at all. And I'm not dumb enough to pick a fight I know I'll lose…
The anthem plays, breaking the deafening silence between the two of us. It had been that way since the tense encounters on the train… But, now at least it's back to normal with us. We were even joking around earlier… That's a good sign, right? The awkwardness was getting to be super anxiety-inducing. Maybe now we'll get back to normal, and be the dream team I always figured we'd be! Just another day and this should all blow over…
No faces show in the sky, making for a quick presentation. It makes me antsy to know that another day's gone by without any deaths, but it could be worse: we could be on the brink of day twelve and have just recently broken the halfway point. God, that would be hell. Good thing that isn't the case for us. Phew.
"They've probably just finished interviewing our families," he said quietly.
That makes me look up. "Huh?"
"Final eight interviews."
I had completely forgot that was a thing… "Oh."
"They talked to my girlfriend. I have a girlfriend and they talked to her."
"You said that twice."
"Just making sure," he mumbled.
"Making sure what?"
"Nothing. I'm just thinking about her," he mumbled. I feel like I knew that he had a girlfriend… But for some reason it feels weird hearing it from him. I try to settle my body and mind, just wanting to be comfortable, but I couldn't feel more uncomfortable. I both don't want to know anymore, and am dying to know all the details.
"What's her name again?"
He looked up, his eyes reflecting off the starlight that he would rather not answer. Why wouldn't he want to tell me something so simple?
"Mari," he muttered. Mari. She must be so beautiful.
In the silence, my mind wanders back home to District Two. Back home where it was warm… And where my family is. I can just imagine them talking to my parents. My siblings, no doubt dragging Duchess in to make sure the nation meets the puppy… If Duchess didn't introduce herself to them herself, that is. She always did love the attention.
What would they say about me? They would surely say that they're proud of me… Wouldn't they? They would say that they can't wait to see me come home. Maybe it would look like just a normal interview, but to me it's everything. Surely, people watching in will know that. They'll see it in my family's eyes…
"I'll k-keep watch," Garrett says quietly, trying got hide the shiver.
"Alright," I say quietly, the breath filling the air in front of me. Without as much as a good night, I lay down and close my eyes.
But sleep slips right out of my hands.
Mari.
My lie. Will he catch my lie? Deceit. Manipulation. Lying. Cheating.
Family, home, interview.
Mari.
Lies.
Charis and Valerian.
Does he know?
Truth.
Mari.
Lies.
Family.
Garret.
Chrys.
Oh God… Chrysanthus… I forgot about him, but they would have interviewed him too… He surely knows that I'm good, right? He knows that I'm doing what I had to do. He knows how honorable I am, how hard I try to be good. He knows that this too shall pass, and I'm doing what I have to…
Lies.
He would understand.
Cheat.
He knows why.
Dishonesty.
He will still want me.
Chrys.
Garrett.
Exhaustion finally overpowers me and I'm able to fall asleep.
I feel nervous. The train is moving so slowly, click clacking along. In the dining room, zombies sit and eat lunch. The two little kids from District Five, flesh hanging off of the bones, having a jolly spot of tea, laughing. The zombies don't worry me, though. I'm looking out the window. I see my home. I've finally arrived. The train releases me.
It's snowing, but it's District Two. There is no crowd, I run out of the train and into Garrett's arms, waiting for me. The hug isn't warm, it's cold. I pull back, Chrys pulls away from me in fear. He doesn't look at me in the eyes.
"Who are you!?" he shouts at me. "Who are you!"
I try to tell him it's me, but I can't speak. I can only watch as Garrett backs away from me.
"Cheater! Liar! Who are you?!"
I try to call out to Chrys, beg him to come back… But I can't speak.
"No," he says, and "no" again. Then, Garrett runs away, wearing the crown he made for me as he goes. I try to call out to him, but I can't speak. I can't move. I can't do anything but watch.
"Liar!"
My eyes fly open, and I can feel beads of sweat at my hairline. My breathing comes heavy, the bitter air making my entire body feel dry and brittle. I push myself to awaken, knowing that if I fall asleep, the bad dream will only continue. Unfortunately, in doing that, my ally becomes aware of me being awake. The quiet sound of jingle bells calms me, but I don't feel tired at all anymore.
"Everything okay?" Garrett asks quietly.
"Yeah," I say, and I don't have to say anymore. He nods silently and lays down, curling up into a tight ball. I hope he can at least pretend that'll cause him to hold in the heat. Chrys closes his eyes and I'm left alone with my thoughts once again. But this time, at least I can control them.
Why can't you just tell him the truth? I can't. This is life or death. This isn't just an Academy fight anymore. I can hear Horus laughing, but my mind stays on Chrys. I hadn't even thought about his face in days, and seeing it again in my mind is like a breath of fresh air. I missed him so much. The softness in his features, the dark hominess of his gentle eyes… The feeling of his lips on mine for just that brief second in the goodbye room. They were so soft…
But Chrys never knew this side of me. He only knew the person that I wanted to show him. He worked with my Dad, so when I was around him, I was family Nez, big brother Nez, friend Nez. Chrys never went to the Academy to see training Nez. Not that I deceived him… I would never. I don't try to deceive anyone… But if he doesn't know this part of me, I must have done some deception.
No. That's not who I am. That's just who I have to be in order to bring glory to my family. Surely he understands though…
The face in my dream tells me otherwise. The wide, afraid eyes of someone that trusted me, and now thinks of me as a monster. How can he even look me in the eyes, after I painted myself as the honest gentlemanly hero?! I haven't acted that very much since getting here…
Wide, afraid brown eyes.
Chrys can't know what I've done. He can't find out what actually happened to Neapolitan. He can never know the truth.
"Liar!" the voice swirls around my head every time I close my eyes, just for a few moments, trying to rest. Garrett can't know. Chrys can't know. Nobody can know what I've done. Nobody can uncover the truth.
I look over at the sleeping boy beside me. Chrys can't know what I've done. The truth has to die here. The truth can't be released. I can never admit. If I do, then Chrys will never look at me again. Chrys will betray me with his staff. He'll beat me, he'll yell at me… But he'll never know if he never gets the chance to find out. He'll never know, Chrys will never know what I've done. Then he can never betray me. He can never fear me. He can never beat me.
It will be painless. It won't hurt. It will be fast. Nobody will find out. Nobody will know. I won't have to apologize, I'll keep the secret, and Chrys will welcome me back!
He'll never know the truth.
Garrett will never know the truth.
He'll welcome me back with open arms and a kiss. No fear. Only love in Garrett's eyes as he welcomes me home.
Yes…
He'll never know.
Nobody ever has to know.
I…
Can keep… A
secret…
We'll be… Happy. Just him and me. Just me and Chrys. Nobody will ever bother us for the truth. He'll stay with me forever, and we'll be… Happy. He won't be afraid of me. Why would he be afraid?! There's no reason.
That's…
Absurd. Haha! HA!
Garrett splutters, and blood covers my hands. He can't call me a liar anymore. Chrys can't call me a liar. No cheating here. Nebuchadnezzar Spiros never cheats! HA! Chrys reaches up and tries to grab my hand. Holding hands… Yes. We can hold hands. He squeezes too hard. But I don't mind… It's okay. Everything is fine, and we are…
Happy. HA!
I get splashed in the face. Garret lays down and he peacefully goes back to sleep.
"Yes… Sleep…" No cheaters here. No liars here. I wipe the tears off of his cold cheeks. No more coldness. Only the warmth of love. There is no room for cold fear here. Only warmth. Oh my, Chrys's face is so cold… He must be warmed… He will never know the truth now. Now, nobody will know the truth. It'll be my and Garrett's…
dirty little
secret.
HA! That's four times now. A cannon booms.
And with it, the truth is sealed.
We'll be
Happy
Forever now.
HA!
~.~.
A/N: Hope you didn't read this chapter in the dark. We've reached a very interesting point in the Games and it's only going to pick up from here so buckle up for more craziness!
CQ: What part of this chapter was most surprising? And how'd I do with the creep factor (you can be honest)?
Eulogies:
8th Place: Garrett Wylde, District 4- Stabbed by Nebuchadnezzar Spiros, D2
You knew this was coming, and you knew that you'd be getting a duplicate placement, but this is just how it had to be. At least this one isn't nearly as angsty as your other 8th placer from me… Lol. Anyways, thanks for sending me this energetic salsa dancer! Hope I did him justice in his final POV and gave him a death that was unexpected and totally different than your other character deaths thusfar! Thanks for sending him in and supporting this story so much, and for your friendship as always! I'm sorry your two sons ended up out of the game so close to each other, also. RIP Garrett. I finally got the number of Rs and Ts in your name right, just at the end.
That's all for now, but we're all in until the end now!
