RECAP:
Chapter 12 – Richard found out that Lizzy was Darcy's mysterious lady in London, Lizzy sneaked out to visit a sick Jane at Netherfield, Darcy gave apologised to Lizzy and gave her a letter, and Mrs. Winters informed Lizzy about a Mr. Price who was seeking revenge to the Gardiners.
Three days had passed since Elizabeth had read Lord Ashbourne's letter and up until now, she knew not what to make of it. It just brought her so many emotions that she hardly knew what to really feel. Perhaps, it was because this was the first time that someone actually asked her for forgiveness.
Of course, she had her fair share of misunderstandings with Alexa, Charlotte, John, Mary, Kitty, and a few other people but they were always petty things like when they had forced her to rest when and she didn't want to because there were many things left to do regarding the estate management. This, her situation with Lord Ashbourne, was not like any of her previous squabbles with her friends.
When he handed her his letter, she suspected that its content contained his apology. She was not wrong. However, certain passages in the Marquess' letter surprised her. Like the part when he told her about his father.
'You see, my father, though good, is a very strict man. He has always warned me to select very specific people to be my friend, indeed my friendship with Bingley was forbidden at first.'
The next sentences that followed were a brief description of his childhood focused on his insecurities and jealousy towards the son of his father's steward whom his father favoured. Apparently, the Marquess tried to be the perfect son his father wanted but he felt it was never enough. Nevertheless, he still continued trying up until now.
'It was only when I had proven my father wrong about his steward's son that he permitted me to continue my acquaintance with Bingley. When I met you, I did not hesitate to further my acquaintance with you because it was evident in your attire that you come from the first circles. That was why when you told me of your identity, I was so shock that I had accused you of lying. The very first thing in my mind when I found out the truth about you was that I did it again, I have disappointed father. You see, I have disappointed him only a month before meeting you and I always take his criticisms of me severely.'
Elizabeth could sympathise with him in that. While 'strict' was not the word she would use to describe her parents, the way they treated her affected her deeply. It made her doubt herself for most of the time and it sometimes clouded her judgement. That said, Lizzy somehow understood where the Marquess was coming from.
Indeed, she was deeply affected that he had shared some of his past and his insecurities with her. She, herself, had never told anyone else of how she was feeling. The people around her knew of her situation because of what they saw but never in her perspective. Did this mean that Lord Ashbourne trusted her greatly? Reading his a part of his childhood reminded her of the unnamed friend he had once been to her back in London. Granted, they never talked of anything too personal regarding their families but they had shared their honest opinions about books and other topics they had spoken of.
If she did not felt inclined to forgive him after reading what he had written regarding his father, then the next paragraphs that followed did.
'I know that my reasons are not enough to excuse my horrible behaviour towards you but I write of this so that you can see where I am coming from – not to convince to forgive me by excusing my actions but to forget the words I have said that hurt you. I beg of you Miss Elizabeth, please do not listen to the words of a fool. The man who had accused you of lying and deceit, who had called you tolerable and not handsome enough, that man was a fool.'
Lizzy would have laughed at the Marquess for calling himself a fool if she wasn't so affected by his words.
'You are not a liar or a deceiver, indeed you are one of the most genuine people of my acquaintance; you are not afraid to speak your mind and give your opinions, you do not hide your laughter. You are certainly more than tolerable and you are definitely more than handsome. I remember my cousin, the Colonel, asking me what the cause of my smile was (for you know that as I have mentioned above, I always kept a serious face because my father would not like it if I showed my true feelings to the world) one day after I had spent a rainy afternoon in Hyde Park. Needless to say, he was bewildered that an unnamed lady with fine deep green eyes was the cause of a light expression on my face.'
At this, Lizzy frowned. She knew what it was like to hide one's feelings from others but at least, she was not forced to do so. If she wanted, she knew her sisters and closest friends would let her confide in them. In Lord Ashbourne's case however, his father asked him to wear a mask in front of others. And at such a young age! Lizzy did not know what was worse, to give a false smile (like she did sometimes to ease the worries of the people concerned for her) or to have a stoic face despite wanting to smile (like the Marquess).
Nonetheless, she felt relieved and something else that brought her comfort when he wrote he didn't realise he was smiling after their first encounter.
'I did not write the previous statements to flatter my way to gain your forgiveness. Indeed, I would understand it if you chose not to forgive me even though I find it hard to live with that, knowing that you think so ill of me. But I find it harder to live if you are thinking wrongly and lowly of yourself because of my words. I still remember your face after I had shouted at you at London and after I had insulted you at the assembly and it pains me to think that I have caused that expression on your face. You do not deserve to be hurt, especially by the fool I once was. The person writing this letter, however, was less foolish and less prideful – so much so that he can now see the error of his ways.'
No matter how many times Lizzy had read his letter, this part never failed to bring her to tears because she knew, that even if Lord Ashbourne had not said those awful things to her, she would still think lowly of herself. After years of hearing Mr. and Mrs. Bennet's hurtful words about her, it was kind of hard not to doubt herself and her worth. Despite that, knowing that Lord Ashbourne did not think of Lizzy the way her parents did, brought her comfort.
Perhaps that was why she was so hurt and angry at him, that even when he was apologising she was countering his words. Because it never occurred to her that he would behave badly against her. So now, that she was re-reading his apology for the umpteenth time, she was moved.
At first, of course, she thought that he only wanted her forgiveness so that he could redeem himself in the eyes of society. After all, many people in Meryton were already not fond of him. She had also thought that maybe his cousin, Miss de Bourgh, asked him to do it. Miss de Bourgh did seem fond of her, Mary, and Kitty. But after re-reading his letter for the third time, Lizzy realised that he did it because it was what he wanted to do.
If he wanted to look good in society or the eye of his cousin, then he wouldn't have tried to talk to her alone so many times. He wouldn't give her a letter in which he opened up to her and called himself a 'fool.'
'I understand if you cannot forgive me for my offenses – indeed, you agreeing to read this letter is kindness itself. No matter what you choose, however, whether to forgive me or not, I would respect your decision. But please do not blame me if I do try to make it up to you and try to be in your good graces once again. But if you truly do not wish my presence in your life, then one word from you and I will keep my distance forever. Thank you, Madam, for reading this letter. I will only add, God bless you. – Fitzwilliam Darcy.'
Did she really want him to leave her forever after he tried so hard to apologise for his mistakes? No, Lizzy did not want that. She already lost some of the people that cared for her deeply like Grandma Claire and Lady Amelia, she would not let a misunderstanding or two make her lose another one.
The next time she'd see Lord Ashbourne, she's going to tell him that he was forgiven.
-p&p-
"Where is my Anne going?" Anne de Bourgh tried rolling her eyes at Richard but even she couldn't help the smile that graced her face. They had finally come to a decision that Richard would sell his commission and they would get married next year. But since her mother had not yet returned from Bath, their engagement was currently kept a secret.
"I am going to visit Miss Elizabeth or else I shall go mad at thinking about my mother's whereabouts. Do you not think it strange that she seems lenient to me since we got here? She never allowed me to attend balls without her and she had never left me alone in a place that was not Rosings." Anne frowned and looked up at Richard for a reasonable answer but what she got was a mischievous smile instead.
Anne harrumphed. "Just because you can steal kisses without much discretion and that you can be affectionate with me more than the usual you would be delighted by my mother's strange behaviour."
Sensing that she was actually troubled by the situation, Richard took he hands in his. "Perhaps, she realised that you are no longer a little girl and she wanted to give you more independence."
She sighed, "Perhaps." She was still worried though. Something was going on, Anne could feel it.
"Now, then, shall we call on Miss Elizabeth now? I see the carriage is ready."
At this statement, Anne raised her brow. "We, Richard?"
"Yes, I will accompany you and since your lady's maid is coming, there shall be no concern regarding propriety. Besides, do you think that I did not notice you were escaping from me these past few days in Miss Bennet's room?"
"Do not pout, Richard. It is unbecoming of you." Richard opened his mouth to say his protests against her comment but her next words made him serious. "You know very well that I am only spending time with her to assist Miss Bingley out of politeness and because of what Ashbourne told us regarding Miss Jane Bennet."
"And what have you find out so far?" Richard asked. He was really bothered when Ashbourne informed them of what he heard from Miss Elizabeth and her Abigail's conversation. While nothing specific was said about the eldest Miss Bennet, it did not stop the cousins from being suspicious.
After all, the three of them noticed the odd looks that the Lucases had when Mr. and Mrs. Bennet was mentioned. The looks of sympathy on their faces when they talked of Miss Elizabeth were not also lost on the cousins.
"I will tell you and Ashbourne once Miss Bennet returned to Longbourn. I believe at Sunday she will be fully recovered."
"Very well, let us go then." With that, Richard assisted her into the carriage.
-p&p-
"Miss de Bourgh, Colonel Fitzwilliam, what a pleasant surprise." Elizabeth smiled at the visitors after Graham announced their presence. After being cooped up in the house for days she was glad to have some visitors. Mary and Kitty visited her yesterday and the day before but her sisters told her that they would not be able to come today. Apparently, Mrs. Bennet wanted their company to visit Jane this day.
"We heard from Miss Lucas that you are staying here. I hope we did not disturb you."
"No, you did not disturb me. If anything, you saved me from finishing a terrible drawing." Lizzy smiled gesturing to the art materials scattered on the corner of the room before pulling the bell for tea. "Please do sit."
"Surely it could not be that bad, Miss Bennet." Miss de Bourgh said.
"Oh, but it is." Lizzy laughed. She considered showing them the drawing but then thought better of it. If she presented her work to them, they would think that she was demurring herself for calling it 'terrible'. After all, her drawings always seemed good to many people but to her, as the artist, it was not good enough. "My Aunt Gardiner paints well, though."
"Mrs. Gardiner is you Aunt?" The surprise Colonel asked. "I am one of Mr. Gardiner's investors. I have met his wife a few times."
"And have you seen some of her paintings?" Lizzy asked.
"Yes, I believe my father has bought some of them for my mother."
"My Aunt does love to paint flowers, but I believe she's best at portraits. You see, a year would not pass without her painting me at least once."
Before any more could be said Agnes, one of the maids at Dower House, brought the tea. After thanking her, Lizzy poured her guest and herself a drink.
"You spend time in London, yearly, then?" Miss de Bourgh asked.
"Indeed. Though my Aunt and Uncle visit me here too, I spend more time in London than they do here in Hertfordshire."
The conversation was then directed to other topics regarding the delights of the country and town. The Colonel also told them of his travels and adventure during the army. When it was time for the visitors to go, Elizabeth invited them for tea the next day. "I am afraid I couldn't visit you on Netherfield but if you'd like you could come here on the morrow."
"That would be wonderful, Miss Bennet. But, may I ask why you could not pay us a call?" Miss de Bourgh asked.
Elizabeth explained what she knew about Mr. Price briefly to Miss de Bourgh and the Colonel. In return, they expressed their understanding as well as their concerns.
"Was that why you were staying here in the Dower House?"
The question caught Lizzy off guard. She might have no problem telling them about the situation with Mr. Price but she was still not willing to share what was going on inside the Bennet family. Forcing a smile on her face, she answered, "Not exactly, Colonel. You see, I had a very close relationship with my grandmother and when she died, I couldn't bear to live the place where we shared most of our memories together."
"I am sorry."
Lizzy waved it off. "No need, Colonel Fitzwilliam. Indeed, talking of my grandmother makes me happy."
"We shall meet again on the morrow for tea, then?" Anne said before boarding the carriage.
"Yes, you could also extend the invitation to the rest of your party, if they'd like." Lizzy couldn't help but add. If luck was on her side, maybe she could talk to Lord Ashbourne if he accepted.
After expressing their agreement and a repeat of farewells, the carriage made its way back to Netherfield Park.
-p&p-
"I thought I told you to give Miss Elizabeth the space she needed before you visit her?" Darcy frowned at his cousins as soon as they found some time alone in the library. He did not want his cousins to influence Elizabeth's decision on forgiving him or not. If she was going to give him a second chance, he wanted it to be her choice alone.
"I believe three days is enough space, cousin." Anne assured. "Besides, I believe she was really delighted with our surprise visit considering she could not leave her house."
Darcy couldn't help but think of a million scenarios based on Anne's words. "Could not leave? What happened? Is she injured? Hurt? Sick?"
Richard put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "None of those, Darce, though I don't know if the real situation is any better."
Before he could inquire about the real situation, Anne beat him to it and explained everything. "I believe Miss Elizabeth is in no real danger, Ashbourne. Surely if this Mr. Price wanted to get back to the Gardiners then they would be his real target and not Miss Elizabeth."
"I agree with Anne, Darce."
Darcy nodded, seeing logic in his cousin's reasoning. However, he could not help but worry. "Regardless, I shall write to my men to find out more about this Mr. Price." Before either of his cousins could protest, he held his hand out. "I know I have no right to meddle with their problems but I would not rest until I know that there really is no threat for her out there, regardless if she forgives me or not. Besides, what will happen to Uncle's and Richard's investments if the Gardiners are being hunted down by a man?" The last sentence was his attempt to lighten up the situation but it did very little to placate their worries.
"Very well, cousin. Since Miss Elizabeth is my friend and I am concern for her as well, I would let you do what you think is best."
"Thank you, Anne."
"But I do not think that Miss Elizabeth is an unforgiving woman. Despite whatever transpired between the two of you, I believe that she is willing to give your friendship another chance."
"Do not mess with me, Cousin." His lips thinned.
"Oh, but Darce, you must believe Anne for her words are not without evidence. Indeed, Miss Elizabeth invited us for tea tomorrow and she said to extend the invitation to the rest of Netherfield party if you all would like to come."
Seeing him frozen at Richard's words, Anne laughed. "Worry not, cousin. I believe Mr. Bingley would not dare leave his angel even if the invitation came from his angel's sister. Mr. Hurst would also want to stay here and drink in peace. As for the ladies, a good hostess would never leave a sick guess for an invitation for tea, right?"
"So the three of us will be the only ones joining her at tea, tomorrow?" He asked.
"Yes, ol' chap. It's about time for you to stop being grumpy. I also can't wait for Anne to meet the smiling Darcy cousin I got to meet for a few weeks back in London."
Darcy couldn't help but smile a little at Richard's statement. If what his cousins told him was true, then there was hope for him. He was looking forward to it.
Sorry this was posted late. It took me longer to express Darcy's letter. BTW, I made him sign the letter with his name, Fitzwilliam Darcy, and without his title because I thought it made the letter more personal and sincere.
So, we now have a little bit of background about Darcy's father and Wickham, Anne is investigating and so is Darcy… what do you guys think? Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay safe you guys. And let's also hope that the experts could find a way to fight the virus better.
Have a good day! Next chapter is on Sunday :)
