Mandy Ellis was many things. Hardworking, dedicated, forcused, goal oriented, purpose driven were just a few but stood out as those listed on her last job evaluation. Sitting in a small Eastern European cafe waiting for a contact she questioned the purpose she had here. Logically and logistically she knew she was needed but, and now there always seemed to a but, her heart ached and her mind wandered.

She thought of dark curls and light eyes sparkling. Of gentle grazes on her hips after one too many at the bulkhead. She could almost feel his hand in hers when she closed her eyes. And close her eyes she did.

Sitting at an outdoor cafe the warmth of her coffee cup in one hand the other resting on her lap wishing for it's match. The cool Spring breeze tangling her hair slightly. His smile in her mind. A shiver ran down her spine. Opening her eyes to see her guest sitting across the table.

She almost laughed at the level of stupidity it took to daydream while waiting to meet an arms dealer in a far flung hell hole with almost no support and a non-official cover. The absolute absurdity of it all. She thought of all the times Jason had railed at Clay to leave it at home. Ray's calm voice telling someone to get their head straight before being in the field. Of Sonny cracking an inappropriate joke. Trent's slow head shake. She forced herself to bite the inside of her cheek to stop the laughter. Forced herself to focus on the mission. Prayed it would be over soon. Wished he was in a van close by watching over her. Wished he was close.

It had been three months since she promised to be back with him after checking in at work. As she sat in a safehouse in the warehouse district that had been her home for lack of a better term she thought of what his recovery must look like now. His face healed of bruises or swelling, she wondered if his reset nose was a bit more crooked than before. His no longer casted right wrist would hopefully have full range of motion but she doubted he was done with PT. She would guess he was jogging with Cerb a bit now while Trent scowled in disapproval. She liked to believe his headaches weren't too bad still. The report on her latest contact stared up at her blankly.

Mandy sat for hours contemplating her next move. Chewing her bottom lip until it bled. Letting her mind wander into his arms where she was sure her heart had already escaped. Standing, pacing, sitting, typing, deleting, repeating. The first rays of the morning sun surprised her. The ringing of the emergency only satellite phone startled her. Her own words shocked her.

"I'm requesting immediate extract. I'm out. I'm done."

"Mandy what happened? Are you hurt?" Her handler's voice sounded distant to her.

"No. No. Physically I'm okay... I just, I need to not be here."

"Agent are you compromised?" The voice wavered slightly.

"No. I'm just done." Her voice broke slightly and she bit down harder on her slightly bruised lip.

"Mandy... I don't understand."

"All you need to understand is if you don't get me out if here I'll buy a plane ticket home... under my real name." The blood filling her mouth tasted like her career ending.

Her flight landed four days later and as she rented a car, breathing in clean air, she was filled with nervous energy. She had spent her life reaching goals. Accomplishments checked off a list. Driving toward Va Beach it occurred to her that this might be the first true risk she had ever taken. Yes she had taken professional risks but those had been calculated or desperate depending on the situation. Consequences that she could overcome eventually. This, this was different. This was everything. She knew she still had the formal exit procedures to complete but it was basically over now. And while she wanted more than anything for his hand to be waiting for hers there was no guarantee. She had abandoned him while he was hurt and hospitalized. She wouldn't blame him if he turned away at the sight of her. Her heart beat faster at the thought. A calculated risk this wasn't. It was anything but and it terrified her more than she would evem attempt to admit.

Using her not yet revoked CIA clearance Mandy gained access to the naval base and DEVGRU headquarters. She avoided eye contact in the hallways as she silently said goodbye to the place hoping desperately she wouldn't also be saying goodbye to the people. She found her way to the kitchenette and a full pot of coffee knowing she was only delaying the inevitable. But the thing about the inevitable is it will happen so delay doesn't matter especially when it just might break your heart.

The sound of laughter approaching momentarily stole her breath. The voices were ones she would recognize anywhere in the world and she wished she could hide away. Sonny was rambling, Clay was arguing, Vic agreeing with Clay, and Trent telling them to all grow up with a chuckle.

Mandy smiled at the feeling of home. The safety these men had always provided her. With one more beat of her heart the door swung open.

Trent held up his hand stopping the others. The smile on Vic's face disappeared with a glance to his brothers. Sonny stepped around them and moved into the room without acknowledging her. Her eyes found Clay's for an instant before he looked away. Trent's eyes however never left her.

In his eye's Mandy saw anger. An anger she could only recall seeing a time or two from the man trusted to mend the brokenness. "Trent... Is he alright?"

Trent stepped forward with an aggression that made her step back into the counter behind her. Her back against the wall. "Really? You want an update? You think that's something you deserve? For fucks sake Agent Ellis you walked." His voice was filled with gravel as the volume increased to an almost yell.

Mandy stood straight. Her head held as high as she could muster. She wanted to crumble to the floor, to scream, to cry, to beg, to explain, and to justify but instead she stood with her teeth grinding into her cheeks and her heart ripped apart staring at a man she once considered family.

Vic stood back watching as Trent laid into Mandy and Clay and Sonny wedged themselves between the two. Clay's hand on the medic's chest being used as a restraint instead of a comfort. He watched as she sucked her cheeks inward. Watched as she stood unwavering but silent.

"Now's the time to maybe say somethin' there Mandy." Sonny's Texas drawl sounded.

"Is there really anything I could say Sonny?" Mandy's eyes stayed locked on Trent's.

"You could try." Clay stated quietly.

"Could I?" A single tear slipped out of her eye. "Because honestly I don't think I can."

Trent surged forward with venom in his words. "Can't or won't Mandy because there is a pretty damn big difference and the way I see it the crying doesn't change shit."

"ENOUGH!" None of them had noticed Jason and Ray enter the room.

With less gentleness than it appeared Trent was helped backward by Sonny and Clay. Shoved into a chair and with hands on his shoulders kept in place. "Usually more my style." The comment from Sonny earned a scowl and low growl from Trent.

"Everyone just needs to take a minute and calm down. Let cooler heads prevail." Ray repositioned himself in the center of the room between the group and Mandy.

"Hey Ray why don't you go..." Trent stopped himself from finishing the sentence when he noticed Brock standing shell-shocked in the doorway.