For the entire day on Monday, Sakura fought off the feeling of nervous energy that seemed to be bottled up inside her like lightning. By lunch, she'd found out from one of the younger Ravenclaws that Professor Hatake was back from his Auror duties and was in a foul mood. A very foul mood. Apparently, he had such an intolerance today for any nonsense that he had already handed out a record number of detentions all before lunch.
She'd been so looking forward to seeing him again, but hearing the new information made her second guess the excitement she thought he would show upon seeing her as well. The way they had left things Friday night in the Infirmary hadn't felt particularly tense to Sakura. What could have happened in two days?
Of course, she was just in denial. If her incident with Sasuke was the talk of the student body gossip queens, then it was definitely making its way through the professors as well. Had they gotten to him before she had the chance to explain things?
That thought spurred a multitude of worries and by the last period of the day, she was practically a nervous wreck. Her fingernails were ruined from being chewed down to the quick and as she dropped into her usual seat at the front of the classroom, she sat on her hands to stop herself from biting them more. Thankfully, no one else had made their way into the room yet and she had a few minutes all to herself.
The door to Kakashi's office was closed and she wondered if he was up there now. Should she go up there and knock? No, that wouldn't be the best idea. If he was in a foul mood because of her, it was best not to upset him before class.
Besides, she didn't have much time anyway. Voices from the hallway filtered into the classroom and she could hear other students filing in the door. Behind her, Shikamaru slid into his seat with a heavy sigh and she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Apparently everyone was in a foul mood today.
"You alright?"
He didn't answer her and instead leaned forward to drop his head onto his arms, his eyes closing before the words had even left her mouth. Before she turned back around, she caught a familiar face at the door and she gulped. Ino met her stare immediately and though she couldn't be too sure, Sakura could have sworn she saw her best friend's chest sink with a heavy sigh.
Sakura faced her desk once more and tucked her hair behind her ear, waiting for Ino to take a seat beside her. Unfortunately, she lingered for a moment at Kiba and Naruto's table and by the time she finally found her way to their shared desk, the rest of the class had filled up. The blonde stayed silent as she set her books down in front of her.
It was up to Sakura to break the awkwardness.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey."
Sakura blew a strand of hair away from her face and shifted in her chair to face her best friend. It was up to her, and her alone, to make a proper conversation, it would seem. But she was at a loss for what to say and the only thing she could think of sounded ridiculous in her head. It was worth a try, though, just to put an end to this weird tension between them.
"Look, I'm sorry. I know you're angry with me and I would be too-"
Ino whipped her head to face her and Sakura clamped her mouth shut at the fiery look in her eyes. "I'm not angry . I'm worried. And I'm not the only one."
Behind them, Shikamaru shifted his seat back, making the legs scrape loudly over the stone floor. The sound pulled both of their attention to him and he simply found a more comfortable spot to fall asleep on his desk. When Sakura turned around, Ino was rolling her eyes at him.
"I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm sorry."
"You know you can tell me if something is going on with you, Sakura. I've always been here for you and lately, it feels like you've forgotten I even exist. This was supposed to be our year and I feel like I barely know you anymore." The last few words were strained and the sudden tears that gathered in Ino's eyes were like a dagger in Sakura's heart. Ino quickly looked away and busied her hands by opening her textbook, though occasionally she would swipe at the tears.
Sakura had never seen Ino like this. She almost wished she was angry with her instead. Knowing she was possibly making her best friend cry was too much. It brought a sting to her own eyelids and Sakura ducked her head as she swallowed the lump pressing against her throat. She opened her mouth, unsure of what to say but needing to say something, though she never got a chance. Ino lifted her head just as the classroom door slammed shut and Sakura's eye cut to the side to see a familiar figure making his way down the center aisle of desks.
"Professor Hatake questioned me yesterday about what happened," Ino dropped her voice into a whisper but her words echoed loudly in Sakura's ears. She stared over the top of her blonde head as Kakashi came closer to their desk. It was clear by the glance he sent her way, in the way his eyes narrowed on hers, that he was definitely angry at her. Shit. "I think he's concerned and I suggested he talk to you as well. So, don't be surprised if he does."
God, Sakura had never felt so small in all her life. She wished she had the power to shrink herself down until she disappeared entirely but unfortunately, she stayed the same size. The chatter of the classroom slowly died into silence once he took his place at the front of the room and Sakura wondered if it was too late to fake a stomach ache and run away. She looked at him, too scared to look away at this point, and watched as he folded his arms over his chest.
The muscles of his forearms were tight and from the way he stood, she could tell he was tense. Which meant the class wasn't going to like whatever he was going to say to them.
"During an attack," he started, making Sakura flinch at the sound of his voice. "It's important to know the best course of action, though most of the time you'll only have a split second to decide. A simple shield charm, while buying you a few moments, might not be strong enough to ward against a particularly powerful wizard." Kakashi turned to the board behind his desk and flipped it over, revealing a paragraph long scenario written in his chicken scratch hand-writing. "For the remainder of the hour, I want you to study this scenario and write an essay on what your course of action would be. There's no point discussing it with your desk-mate because I'm not looking for you to have the same answers."
A hand lifted from behind Sakura and he gave a nod. "How long do you want our essays to be?"
"No less than two feet of parchment and be conscious of your word sizes. I won't accept an entire essay made up of only a few sentences." As the class let out a collected groan with some whispered curses thrown in, Professor Hatake rolled his eyes. "You'll stand no chance of being Aurors if a single essay makes you complain this much."
"Is this punishment for what happened while you were away?" A familiar voice called from the back, making Sakura shrink down in her chair. This time, she did duck her head and stared down at the wrinkles of her skirt. "Because if anyone should be stuck writing lines it should be her ."
The sounds of agreement making its way through the class were humiliating. Sakura felt her face burn and she gripped the edge of her textbook tightly, wondering how much teasing she would get if she just ran out now. She bit the inside of her lip hard and focused on the physical pain instead of the pain of embarrassment.
"If you have an issue with my assignment, Ms. Saito, you're welcome to leave the class and receive a failing grade for it. Though the toll it would take on your grade might affect your graduation status."
If it were any other day, Sakura would have laughed at that, and she was thankful he had said it, but she was still suffering from utter embarrassment and could barely lift her head to look at him. Not that she wanted to see that look in his eyes anyway. That was almost worse than knowing half the class wanted to hex her into oblivion at the moment. As they pulled their parchment out to begin their essays, she continued to stare down into her lap.
A part of her wanted to open her mouth and tell him not to punish the entire class like this. Even though he would deny that he was punishing anyone, she knew that was exactly what he was doing. Any other professor would be doing the same and the entire class was going to blame her for the outrageous lengths they would have to write.
That part of her remained quiet, hiding down inside her like a coward, and after taking a few breaths to calm herself down, she pulled out her parchment and got to work. The scenario was pretty straight forward; what would the best methods be to fend off an attack from the front and the back. Sakura was confident in her answers, but her fingers were still trembling around the tip of her quill.
Each passing minute, each word she jotted down in her essay, brought her closer to the end of class and that nervousness she had been fighting was starting to fight back harder. Several times she accidentally brushed her pinky through the ink and smeared her words and while she fixed them with a quick charm, she wondered if he was even going to read these. Knowing him, he would, and he would grade them harshly for any mistakes.
Sakura didn't dare look up the entire hour. Just the thought of seeing him looking at her with disappointment or anger brought a new wave of nausea rolling through her insides. She'd rather stare at inky parchment than see that.
Just as she passed the two-foot mark in her essay, the bell rang, startling her so bad her quill marked through the last word she had managed to write. Her ears were ringing and she felt sweatier than normal. Even before she had grown to know Kakashi, back when she was terrified of him, she had never felt like this at the possibility of having to speak to him. Her tongue felt heavy and dry in her mouth and she tried to lick her lips for a little moisture.
"Leave your parchments on your desk. I'll collect them." Kakashi announced as everyone started gathering their things together. Sakura closed her textbook and couldn't decide between lingering behind to talk to him, or giving him space. She was leaning toward the latter when a shadow fell over her desk. She blinked up to see him standing before her and she gulped. "Ms. Haruno, may I have a word with you?"
From beside her, Ino glanced cautiously between them and slid out of her chair. "Want me to save you a seat at dinner?"
"I-"
"It shouldn't take long," he said before she could utter a single word. With a tight smile that she could see in his eyes, he turned to make his way to the blackboard. Once his back was turned, Sakura gave Ino a pleading look, though there was nothing she could do to help. The sympathetic smile was reassuring and after mouthing good luck , Ino tucked her books into her arm and left the classroom.
She was the last one to leave and the door shut behind her with such finality that Sakura found herself wishing she could make herself disappear once more. Slowly, she lifted her head and watched him swipe an eraser through the chalk. Sakura stood from her chair and smoothed her skirt down her backside.
"Professor," she started, not sure why it felt wrong to address him by his name at the moment. Before she could continue with whatever she had been planning to say, he held up a hand to stop her. Without turning around, he lifted his wand and pointed it at the door of the classroom. His spell was unspoken, but the click of the lock in the door was quite telling. She suspected a muffliato charm as well-which she hoped didn't mean he was going to yell at her.
Tears were already threatening the back of her eyelids and she quickly blinked them away before he spun on his heel to face her. She had been wrong before. The look he was giving her now was worse than the cold stare he had given her in class.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" she croaked, knowing the answer and hating herself for not being able to just admit it to him.
"You know what, Sakura! You fought Sasuke because you suspected him of attacking you in the Astronomy Tower? Did you not think that was something I needed to know? After everything you've been through, why would you keep that from me?" No wonder he had cast a muffliato charm. She had never heard him raise his voice to her like this.
"You were hurt-" it was hard to speak around the lump in her throat. "-I didn't want to upset you or-"
" This upsets me!" Kakashi shoved his chair out of the way and moved closer to her desk. "Finding out about it from Shizune and not you upsets me!"
"I'm sorry!" Sakura cried, no longer able to keep the tears from spilling. She felt one trace a line of warmth down her cheek and she swiped it away quickly. "I don't know what else to say!"
"Why don't you start by telling me what happened." He folded his arms over his chest, but his voice had softened.
Again, she wiped her fingers across her cheeks and glanced at the door of the classroom. It was locked, but she still didn't want to risk having someone barge in on them. All she wanted was to go to him and lay her head on his chest and tell him everything. Instead, she stood rooted to the stone floor behind her desk and ducked her head. She told him about the attack, about how she had been alone in the Astronomy Tower and had been surprised by the hooded figure. As much as she didn't want to scare him, she even explained that her attacker had shoved her out the window and by the time she had bounced back into the room, they were gone.
By the time she finished, she was still staring down at the desk, afraid to meet his eyes. His silence was alarming and she looked up at him finally. The fire behind his gaze startled her and she put a hand to her chest as she blinked. Even with the mask around his face, she could see the tight clench of his jaw.
"We're going to Tsunade," he said quietly, moving toward the aisle between the desks. "Right now."
"What? No!" Sakura caught up to him and snatched his elbow, her hip knocking into the empty chair and sending it sliding across the floor. With all of her strength, she pulled at his arm until he whirled around on her. "There's no point in telling Tsunade!"
"No point? Sakura, someone is targeting you. They tried to push you out of a window for fuck's sake!"
"A window I couldn't even fall out of. They're trying to scare me, trying to make me run off to Tsunade because they know I'm too weak to deal with it on my own but I'm not ! I'm not letting them get to me." Kakashi wrenched his arm out of her grip and pushed his fingers through his hair, turning away but no longer making his way to the door. For several seconds, he stood there with his hands in his hair, eyes cast upward to the ceiling while thinking.
With a sigh, he dropped his hands to his sides and faced her once more. "So, you're not going to Tsunade with this? You're just going to ignore it and hope it goes away on its own?"
Sakura swallowed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm going to keep going on with my life."
"Right," he said quietly with a sniff. "Well, you probably shouldn't keep your friends waiting." And with that, he turned to the staircase at the back of the classroom, snatching his wand off his desk as he passed by. Before he could reverse the locking charm on the door, Sakura stomped after him.
"I'm not leaving."
"Isn't this what you want? To keep going on with your life like nothing happened?" There was so much attitude in his tone and it honestly stung her to hear it directed at her. She scowled at his back as he moved up the stairs and she followed. He stormed into his office, throwing the door open so hard that it cracked against the wall behind it.
Sakura was momentarily stunned and she stood on the landing, blinking at the trembling door as it slowly slid away from the wall. She pursed her lips and glared at Kakashi. He kept his back to her, suddenly too busy with whatever he was looking at on one of his bookshelves. It was strange that just a few weeks ago, she had been sitting in front of it, shelving his books during detention and now...
Grabbing the door, Sakura slammed it shut behind her and pursed her lips when he didn't even flinch at the sound. "I told you the truth, Kakashi. So, why are you acting like this?"
"Acting like what? I'm just doing what you want."
"You're being an asshole. Just because you're my professor doesn't mean you have the right to make decisions for me or my life! You're blowing this out of proportion."
This time, he reacted. He snapped the book closed that he had been pretending to be interested in and slammed it back onto the shelf, nearly knocking a few others off in the process. In two steps, he was before her again, searching her eyes. "I'm at least taking this seriously! You're acting like nothing happened-"
"Because nothing did happen! I'm fine! There was no threat except for someone playing some sick joke on me!"
Again, he raked his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath in through his nose. The anger was still quite evident in his gaze but Sakura refused to back down. Despite how badly her heart was aching that they were fighting, or how much her body was begging for her to flee, she stayed put.
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do! I've been dealing with this a lot longer than you've known me, Kakashi-"
He scoffed and spun away, wiping his hand over his mouth. "Oh, so you've been shoved out of a window before?"
"You know what I mean! This is just their little game to scare me. Why do you not trust me with this? Why are you making this out to be so much worse than it is?"
"Because I don't want to lose you!" His voice echoed off the stone walls of his office and Sakura blinked in surprise. He turned to face her and she swallowed tightly, fighting the tremble of her chin. Fresh tears burned behind her eyes and she ducked her head with a nod. She knew how he felt. It was the same way she had felt when she had seen him being carried into the Infirmary, unconscious and bleeding. But this was different.
She hadn't been attacked by dark wizards like he had. Sakura took a step toward him but kept her hands at her sides despite wanting nothing more than to touch him at that moment. "You're not going to lose me, Kakashi."
He didn't respond. Then again, he didn't exactly need to. She could see it in his eyes how much she meant to him and it turned her heartbeat into a frenzy. There was still anger there, but it was eclipsed by a fire that she could feel blazing through her. She had enough time to suck in a breath before he had closed the distance between them. With one hand, Kakashi wrenched his mask down to his chin and circled her waist with the other.
His kiss seared through her, burning through every molecule of oxygen inside her and leaving her breathless and dizzy. He lifted her off the floor with his grip around her waist and she felt the wall at her back a second later. She tilted her head to the side and fit her mouth against his, opening her lips to allow his tongue entrance.
The taste on his tongue made her eyes roll back into her head and she reached up to weave her fingers through his hair, gripping a handful at the back of his head. Kakashi groaned into her mouth and slid his hand up from her side to the tie hanging between her breasts. He loosened it and popped the first two buttons on her shirt open.
He wasn't as careful with the third one and Sakura heard the button tap against the floor seconds before his fingers slid against the flesh of her chest. Warmth spread from his touch and sank deep within her, leaving her trembling in his arms. As his mouth left hers, Sakura sucked in a deep breath and let her head fall back against the wall.
With a hand snaking down her side, curving over the swell of her hip, Kakashi lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist. He dipped his fingers beneath her skirt and Sakura felt a jolt of pleasure racing through her center at the anticipation of his touch. She took her bottom lip between her teeth and pinched hard, snapping herself out of her daze.
As much as she wanted to continue down this path, she wanted something more instead. Something they would never get in his office or the restricted section or any room in Hogwarts. "Kakashi," she murmured, dropping her head until her cheek rested against his temple.
He nipped at her collarbone with his teeth before pressing a few soft kisses over the same spot. When he didn't answer, Sakura wedged her hand between their chests and pushed him back enough that he lifted his head to look up at her. His gaze was heavy with desire and it almost convinced her to give in to him. She whimpered and swallowed back the urge to kiss him again.
"I want this," she started in a whisper. "Believe me, I do, but I want more than just sex in your office. I want to take our time and not have to worry about interruptions and..."
She trailed off as he let out a sigh and dropped his forehead onto her shoulder. The hand holding her leg around his waist fell away and he slid it gently around her side so he could pull her closer to him. After a moment, where they were both able to catch their breath, Kakashi nodded against her neck.
"I want that too." He pulled away and smoothed a hand down the side of her head, tucking her hair behind her ear as he searched her eyes. "It's risky. We could be caught."
"We've ran that risk before. I just want to fall asleep in your arms," Sakura whispered, straightening his suspenders. At her hip, she could feel how hard he was and knowing he wanted her that much made the corner of her lips lift in a smirk. "Among other things, of course."
Kakashi let out a soft laugh and cleared his throat. "I don't usually get ahead of myself. I just-" He shook his head and reached for her face, sliding his palm against her jaw to tilt her head back. "I got scared. I do trust you, Sakura, but if you've seen the kind of things I've seen, you'd be wary too. I just want you to be safe."
Warmth filled her chest so suddenly and completely she was afraid she'd burst open. She knew he had been through a lot, not just in the past week, but in his life and knowing he was worried about her and cared about her safety was indescribable. No, that wasn't right. She knew how to describe it, she knew exactly what it was because she felt the same way.
Sakura bit her lip and laid her head against his chest as he stood to his full height and held her close to him. How could she even begin to tell him how she felt for him? He had been in her thoughts, in her memories, and now he was so deep in her heart she didn't know if feeling like this was even possible. Closing her eyes, she tightened her fingers around the fabric of his shirt and smiled.
"It's a good thing I've got you to keep me safe then."
"What a week, huh?" Jiraiya's boisterous voice usually brought a smile to Kakashi's face, especially when he presented a pint of beer to him, but not today. Still, the younger of the two took the mug and slid it closer to his side of the table, though he didn't drink yet. He stared down into the amber liquid and watched the bubbles circle the edge of the cup.
Tipping his own mug back and gulping down the contents, Jiraiya dropped it back onto the table with a sigh of satisfaction and blinked at Kakashi. "Got something on your mind, kid?"
"Hmm?" Kakashi picked his mug up and knew that if he didn't drink, or at least try to act normal, he was going to say something stupid. He put the mug to his lips and mumbled around it. "Just this shit with Danzo."
It wasn't necessarily a lie. That whole meeting had left a bad taste in his mouth that had lingered nearly an entire week. And with Tsunade's foul moods and the things with Sakura, Kakashi felt as if he were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Not even getting drunk was enough to take his mind off of things.
He'd traveled down to Jiraiya's private hut on the edge of the school grounds, hoping some mindless chatter about erotic novels over some alcohol could get his mind off of things, but so far, he was having no such luck. Being stuck around the castle, the old man hadn't been able to do as much research as he was used to and his writing was starting to suffer. Not in quality, but quantity.
"Mm," Jiraiya took another gulp and dropped his mug down onto the table with a thump. "As annoying as he is, I expected nothing less, to be honest."
"What do you mean?"
"What better way to weasel his way into the headmaster position at Hogwarts than to sew distrust between Tsunade and the wealthy contributors?"
Kakashi shook his head and sat back in his chair, pulling his beer closer to him. "Why would Danzo want to be Headmaster anyway? He seems to be right at home where he's at now, sucking up to the wealthy clans and hoping he can pull their strings."
Pouring himself another glass, Jiraiya lifted his glass and gave Kakashi a wry look. "Why waste time trying to persuade the elder elites to do his bidding when he can shape a thousand kids of the next generation to do it instead?" He tilted his glass up and downed a gulp before letting out a loud burp. "Tsunade's a tough bird, though. If anyone can go head to head with a snake like Danzo, it's her."
"She's been in a sour mood lately, even before all of this. I don't envy her position at all." Kakashi recalled the way the Headmistress had spoken about Sakura during their meeting last weekend and just like then, it left a knot of worry in the pit of his stomach. The beer wasn't helping anything, but he just wanted a few minutes where his thoughts weren't so morbid. He cleared his throat and knew he needed a subject change and soon. "How's the research?"
Jiraiya sighed and folded his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling of his hut. "What research? I've been through all the available witches in Hogsmeade, and a few unavailable ones." He paused, waiting for his friend to laugh.
Kakashi wanted to laugh, he wanted to think about anything other than what was currently on his mind, but he just couldn't bring himself to. How could he? Even before all of this, she was always on his mind. He had tried to stop it, tried to stay away, but he couldn't.
How was he supposed to think about anything else? Standing in his office, after fighting the urge to give in to their desire right then and there, he and Sakura had devised a plan to sneak away Saturday night. He knew it was monumentally stupid and completely reckless of him. It could cost him not only his job at Hogwarts but for the Ministry as well, not to mention, there was so much at stake for her.
So many times he had talked himself out of it, convinced himself to break it off with her or tell her it was better that they wait for graduation. And each time she walked through the door to his classroom, he lost it all. He was powerless to stop it, helpless, and utterly hopeless.
"Hey," Jiraiya's voice cut through his thoughts and Kakashi looked up to meet his stare. "You okay?"
"I don't know."
"I know that tone," he replied, letting the front two legs of his chair drop back to the floor. Jiraiya stood and reached for a cabinet above the sink in the tiny kitchen. There were cobwebs in the corners but the shelf was full of firewhisky bottles. Snatching one and plucking two shot glasses from the counter, Jiraiya turned back around and dropped one in front of Kakashi. He filled it up and nodded. "Drink. I can tell you need something strong."
He wasted no time and knocked the drink back, welcoming the fire that burned the back of his throat. The alcohol worked quickly, but not fast enough and Kakashi waved a hand over his glass for more. Jiraiya obliged then poured his own, sitting back down in his chair and sliding it closer to the table.
"You want to talk about it?"
Kakashi poured the second shot into his mouth and swallowed it with a grimace. It burned worse the second time somehow but he was thankful for the fog already starting to cloud the edges of his mind. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stared down at the table. His heart was racing at the possibility of actually admitting to this out loud. Almost as if it needed to get it out, to let someone else share the secret and possibly help him figure it all out.
Had she told anyone else? No, he was almost certain of that. This was still their little secret...and it was eating away at him. Kakashi looked up at his friend and swallowed. For a few breaths, he debated on asking for another shot instead of saying anything else but his tongue was suddenly too heavy in his mouth to speak. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow as he brought the glass to his lips, mumbling around the rim.
"Jeez, kid, you look like you're about to confess to a murder, or something."
"I'm having an affair." It was out of his mouth before his brain could catch up and stop him from saying anything. But it was too late.
Firewhisky sprayed from Jiraiya's mouth and he slapped his hand down on the table, sputtering and coughing. He swiped the droplets from his mouth with the back of one hand and grabbed the neck of the bottle sitting between them with the other. He shook his head and poured them both another shot as his coughing died down. "You could've warned me, you know?" The glass slid across the table and Kakashi caught it before the contents could spill out. "Look, I'm sure you're not the only guy who's fooled around with a married professor before."
Kakashi shook his head with a sigh. "It's not a professor."
What was he doing? It was like he couldn't stop the words from spilling from his mouth once they had been started. He stared down into his shot glass and fought against the overwhelming need to spill everything to his friend. It filled his chest until he was afraid he'd burst.
"Then who..."
Frowning, Kakashi lifted his eyes to meet Jiraiya's and the realization behind them nearly made the firewhisky come back up. "Oh, goddamn," he mumbled, rubbing his palm across his chin. Jiraiya sat back with a heavy sigh and shook his head. "God damn , kid. What the hell are you thinking?"
"I know," Kakashi sighed, leaning forward to drop his elbows onto the table and take hold of his head. "I fucked up. I didn't mean for any of it to happen, but it did."
"You gotta end it. End it before it comes back and bites you in the ass. It isn't just your job you can lose here. The Ministry would shit down your throat if they find out."
"I know, but they won't. I'm not telling and neither will she." Kakashi stared down at the table between his elbows and was starting to regret drinking so much so quickly. It gnawed at his insides and he could feel it threatening to come back up any second. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight back the urge to vomit and after several moments of silence, he lifted his head to look up at Jiraiya.
His eyes were narrowed in thought and the tight line of his lips made Kakashi nervous. Jiraiya slowly swirled the bottom of the glass over the wood grain of the table before speaking. "It's Haruno, isn't it?"
Kakashi sat up and stared in horror. Was it that obvious? He thought he had been so careful to hide his emotions around her. He never brought her up with the other professors if he could help it and he was almost certain no one else suspected anything. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and nodded.
"You know," Jiraiya said quietly. "I thought something was going on the night of the Christmas party, but I never thought it was this. You disappeared that night and so did she. You were being careless-"
"I know, okay? I know ."
"You say that, but I don't think you understand, Hatake." Jiraiya leaned forward and poked a finger into the table. "Tsunade is going to castrate you."
"Only if she finds out. Neither I nor Sakura is going to tell her." He trailed off, looking pointedly at his friend and once Jiraiya realized what was being asked of him, he sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Look, I'm not going to run to tell the woman, or anyone else for that matter, but I want it known that I advised you to stop this, got it? If anyone points fingers to me as an accomplice, you'll be on your own." He rubbed his face while reaching for the bottle with his free hand. This time, he ignored the shot glass and turned the bottle up at his lips. When he took a gulp and grimaced, he looked back at Kakashi. "And I guess your silence means that you're not going to stop it, are you?"
"I can't," he admitted.
"Sure you can. You tell her this is paused until after graduation."
"You don't understand. This isn't a fling or sex. It's more. It's-" Kakashi raked his hand through his hair, not sure why he was even admitting this. Confessing to being involved with a student was bad enough, but to actually confess how he feels for her? He swallowed but didn't have a chance to finish his thought.
"What? You're in love with her or something?" All it took was one look from Kakashi, and Jiraiya had his confirmation. He let out a heavy sigh and sat back in his chair. Silence stretched between the two of them with only the tick of the clock on the walls making a sound. Finally, after what felt like an eternity stretching through the quiet, Jiraiya capped the firewhisky bottle and stood to his feet. He reached over and clapped a hand on Kakashi's shoulder hard enough that it stung, but Kakashi welcomed the pain. "I suppose there are worse things happening right now, but I can't think of many. I hope you know what you're doing, kid."
Kakashi wanted to assure his friend that he did, that he had everything under control, but he wasn't so sure of that anymore. With each passing day, he felt as if he were spiraling more and more out of control and now that there were less than twenty-four hours before he and Sakura would be sneaking away, he couldn't remember ever being this nervous. But even through the drunken haze in his head and all the dreadful worries circling through his mind, he could see her face as clear as if she were standing before him and he found himself smiling despite it all.
