Fragments in itallics are used to dive into specific characters' heads throughout the narrative.
Chapter 24: "The First Uprising"
"Close your eyes," Luke said, doing so himself, "Not too hard. Relax. Let go". He and Ben had travelled to Bit'arr, a planet in the Outer Rim that hadn't been colonized by the Republic, or by the Empire. It was a lush planet filled with tall, colorful trees, and, at some point, amongst them all, there's a purple lake, at the center of which is one tree that stands above, being over a hundred times as tall as the tallest among the bunch around it. Out of its massive top, shiny waterfalls shoot their way down to the ground, moisturizing the environment and generating many rainbows, as well as feeding back into the purple lake. Luke sat down beside Ben at the bottom of the tallest tree, right on its thick and solid roots. They were both cross-legged and touching the roots beneath them with their hands.
"Feel the cold surface," Luke said, "The irregularities. These roots have been walked over by many in past generations".
I miss my dad.
"Can you feel it?" Luke asked.
"I feel the imperfections, yeah," Ben said, "Not the footsteps".
"Not footsteps," Luke shakes his head, "History".
"Well," Ben added, "The history isn't very tangible, I guess".
Luke opens his eyes.
"You're not focused," he said, turning himself around to sit down in front of his nephew. Ben opened his eyes as well, "Why is that?".
That's a weird question. He must know why I'm distracted.
"I don't know," Ben said, "Yeah, I'm not sure".
Luke seemed skeptical. He closed his eyes and again touched the roots beneath him, to feel Ben.
"Han and Leia," Luke said, his eyes still closed, "Your mind dwells on them".
"Well, of course," Ben said, "I miss them!".
"I assumed you would, but this is important," Luke said, finally opening up his eyes again, "You are a Jedi. You are a new Jedi".
I didn't choose to be a Jedi.
"Only people get to choose," Ben heard inside his head, "It seems like he doesn't think of you as a person. Just as a would-be Jedi".
"This is your destiny," Luke said, sounding inspirational, "It's your legacy. You must push away these feelings that hold you back from embracing your fate. You're stronger than that".
Am I? And what if I'm not?
"I started my Jedi training when I was much older than you," Luke said, grounding his voice again.
"You have to wonder whether or not he got to choose that path"
"But you're the last Skywalker now," he continued, "You are meant for this".
Ben reluctantly nodded. It was hopeless to argue against him.
"See, this place… this planet…" Luke told, looking around to the waterfalls and the breeze caused by them, "There are many other religions beside the Jedi, and this place was the home of one of them: the Rier Nurses. They use the Force to nourish nature around them, as well as knowledge. They reach out and are able to feel things that happened in the past, and then tell stories that no one's heard before. For them, it's all about peaceful, harmless growth. Of nature, of knowledge, of conscience…".
I don't care about any of this. I miss my dad. And my mom.
"The problem with this is that such amazing abilities carry a duty," Luke continues, blinded to Ben's frustrations, "If you can do amazing things in a galaxy that's as problematic as ours… shouldn't you be going out and doing these amazing things? Shouldn't we do whatever it takes to achieve peace? The Jedi do that. The Jedi get involved and fight to bring peace".
"Yeah," Ben said, "I guess the Jedi are really good".
How long is this training going to last?
Ben felt helpless, unable to escape. Decades later, he would feel similarly, in Neast. He rolled on his wheelchair to a restroom right outside the room he's felt trapped in for what feels like over a month now. Ben sees himself in the mirror.
What now?
Ben grabs a small, porous, vibrating blue sponge from a bucket nearby and submerges it on a bowl of potion beside his feet. He pulls it out and then engulfs the sponge with his two hands. The sponge changes shape to cover every inch of his palms, cleaning even the space between fingers and their nails. While this process takes place, he again looks at his reflection on the mirror.
What? You're a monster.
"Come on," he mouths to himself, "Be nice today. They've fed you and nursed you. It's an exchange. Like a deal". He blinks a few times and remains quiet, then talks again, "You're not a person who deals, usually. But they're harmless. Maybe some people don't deserve your hatred".
But don't they? They've made you feel weak. Burnhar, especially. He's been treating you like you're a sick little child. It's insulting. They all think you weak and small and don't see you as a person.
No, but they do, right?
Don't they?
I can't think clearly.
Why can't I hate them? Shouldn't I? This is a bad idea. You shouldn't have even suggested it. You are stronger than this. They should serve you. What do you owe them? Nothing. This is yours by right.
"No," Ben says to himself, "They've taken care of me…".
What are you saying?
I'm…
"Ben!" Burnhar's voice arrives. Ben lets go of the sponge, putting it back on its bucket.
Say something that makes him think you're good. That you're getting better.
"Hello, Burnhar," Ben says, turning his head to him, "I see you are all dressed up". Burnhar wears a dirty, baggy jacket and a colorless hat.
"Well, this is my fishing clothing," Burnhar admits, "But I'm glad you like it".
That was dumb. You are an idiot.
"Actually," Burnhar laughs, "My son and I would go fishing very often. This outfit is very significant for me, when I think about it… And I hadn't even considered it. Thank you for the kind comment, Ben. It's very thoughtful".
Idiot… right?
No… I'm not.
He seems happy…
And that's advantageous for you.
"Are you ready to go?" Burnhar asks.
Am I?
Ben takes a deep breath.
"I think so," he says, "Yeah…".
Far away, in the Fegwet System, inside a warehouse, Rey practices moving things with the Force. Poe, Finn, and Rose practice their aim, blasting at the wall, while conversation ensues.
"The trooper we found is currently behind bars back in base," Finn says, while shooting, "Terr, Cade, and Waldenhur are talking to him, trying to persuade him".
"Think it'll work?" Rose asks.
"I hope so," Finn responds, his voice breaking a little, "We have to trust that it will, right?".
"Right," Rose nods, "We won't be everywhere. We need to trust that this is a tide. Each one of us just helps in rising it".
"They need to be inspired," Poe says. He's been the quietest and fired the most and the best, "For the general population, I mean. I think what Luke did in Crait sounds too far away for them. Keep in mind, they've already fought in the past. Luke's legend is great for most planets, I'm sure, but this place has already tried once. They need the inspiration again".
"Well, but Rey isn't Luke," Finn says. Less than a second later, he reacts to his own words, turning to Rey, "No offense, I mean… you know… different people".
"Rey and I talked about it, yeah," Rose agrees, "But she doesn't have to be Luke, really…".
"I don't," Rey says. Her eyes are closed, and she's lifting two tables, and flipping them slowly, in opposite directions, "I don't need to be Luke, but they do need that mythic Jedi example, here and now".
"Go on," Poe says, putting down the blaster, "We're listening"
"That was the big lesson I learned from Luke…" Rey finally completes the flips and puts the tables back on the floor delicately, "He had rejected the Jedi ways when I found him… And he was right about it, as far as I can tell. They were arrogant and indirectly created most of their own problems… not to mention everyone else's…".
"Yeah, I didn't want to say it out loud in front of a Jedi," Rose admits, avoiding eye contact at first, "The Jedi were mostly a scary, creepy police force with no real… accountability. Also, kind of contradictory in that they were supposedly looking to bring about peace… but it was always through violence".
"Yeah… but I think he realized that that didn't mean the Jedi had to die," Rey continues, "They had to be reborn. As a myth, they inspire people. As peaceful guardians as opposed to violent policemen, they are welcome in this war. Not only that, but they end up becoming inspirational in their history… if the Jedi as an institution can learn from its own mistakes, and grow from them… well, anyone can, right?".
"I thought you had departed dramatically after a fight with Luke," Finn says, "Where does this revelation come from?".
"Well, you know he passed away right after Crait," Rey reminisces, "And in that moment, I felt it… his catharsis. He saved and redefined the Jedi, and also saved the Rebellion," she paces around the room, thinking back to the Jedi legends she heard when she was younger, "The Jedi were always painted as mythical, peaceful heroes in the stories I heard when I was a kid. For most of us, I think, realizing they weren't perfect came much later… If I carry that legacy… the truth is, the galaxy needs it now, and it's what I always wished I could be. I can't think of anything else I'd want to do with this gift".
I mean… it's a tremendous burden, but I have to try. I know we can win like that.
"The Jedi live, then?" Finn asks.
"Yes," Rey says, then smiling like she's secretly plotting something, "And it's time to let this planet know it".
"What's on your mind, scavenger?" Poe asks, now feeling more comfortable in Rey's company.
"The assembly," she responds, "We attend every week and hear them talk about how resistance will be violently repressed. Funnily enough, they're right that it's repressed, but just because we allow it to be".
"We need to be careful with this," Finn warns, "I like where your head's at, overall, but let's be very methodical and precise with this". Rey chuckles.
"We haven't gotten in trouble in a while," Rey says, playfully, "I miss it".
Poe rolls his eyes. Rose raises her eyebrows gradually, looking like she won't stop until she knows what's going on.
"I'm not serious," Rey admits, "Let's go back to base. It's time for the Jedi to come back, and the Rebellion to rise".
Back on Neast, Burnhar rolls Ben in his wheelchair to the outside. The sunlight blinds him at first, but after a moment, he gets used to it.
"Remember, Ben," Burnhar says, near Ben's head, "Say 'hello', 'goodbye', 'thank you', 'you're welcome', 'please', call them by their names, and if you don't know them, ask what they are. Listen to them".
Seems simple enough.
A three-footed, armless, humanoid creature with scales, wearing only several richly colored and diverse blankets covering his torso, is the first to approach the brooding youth.
"Ah, hello," the creature says, making a small reverence, "I'm Hangred. If you're wondering, I am a native, actually". He looks at Burnhar and the two share a laugh.
I don't know what I missed. I think I should introduce myself and attempt to make conversation.
"I'm Ben," he says, making a small reverence himself, "Good to meet you".
That wasn't so hard. I should try to keep it. Maybe if they see me talking to him, they won't approach me. Also, Burnhar implied I should talk to them.
"I'm not sure I understood the comment," Ben says, his eyebrows remaining straight, "Are you or are you not a native?".
"Oh, I am," he responds, "The last remaining native, actually!" he chuckles, "But back in the day, when more people lived here," he says, as he gets beside the wheelchair and thus the three walk as a group closer to the table, "Everyone forgot about that. They thought humans were natives here. Oh, but they weren't. My family would want me to remind everyone of it".
Family? I can ask about that to keep this going.
"Why is that?" Ben asks.
"We used to be slaves to the colonizing humans!" Hangred says, "My family fought for generations". He then pulls out of the blankets his humble necklace, which at the end has a series of oddly-shaped rocks, "See these totems? Each one embodies one generation of my family who fought to free us. I haven't picked my totem, but ironically… I was the first one to be free… and for what?" his smile fades gradually.
That's very terrible, isn't it?
"I'm sorry," Ben says, sincerely, "They fought against the illogical ideas of the past. It's unfair that they ultimately lost".
I know better than most.
"Kind of lost, yeah," Hangred responds, shrugging his shoulders, "It was the First Order massacre that killed them, actually. Prior to that, things were fair and balanced".
N-
"Ben!" the elderly woman who's visited him twice finally sees him. Ben was trying to process the strange feeling he'd just had. He had just drawn attention to how unfair something had been, and then realized it was something the First Order had done, while he was still one of the high ranks right below Snoke and alongside Hux. That brought back memories. Memories of when the entire Hosnian System was destroyed just some two months ago. That's not what he wanted, ever. Not at all.
I must distract myself.
"Hey, hi, h.-" he said to the woman, "Hey, I don't know your name".
"I'm Nillard," she responds, "or Nil, if you'd like".
"Good to finally know your name," Ben says, attempting not to have a frown on his face, "Now I kn- I know you and I- know Burnhar… and Hangred here…" he starts to breathe faster and louder.
I never wanted this. The massacre was the first look I had at this. Should I have given up then? Ran away?
Are you a coward?
This is not what I wanted.
Or is it?
Killing thousands, if not millions. Why? Why is this the path I chose? Why do I want this? Why did I keep wanting this?
That's not you talking. That's Han and Leia and Luke. Maybe even Rey.
Rey…
You're a monster. Always have been. Always will be. Don't let anyone make you forget it.
Rey didn't think so. Neither does anyone here.
Everyone else does.
No, but that's because I've killed millions.
You're a monster. Even your parents thought so. Let go.
They did, didn't they? Or did they?
"Ben," Nil says, hunching a little and touching his shoulder. Ben instantly pulls his body away, aggressively, "Are you okay?". Most of the villagers are now quiet.
No. I want to die. Or… I don't know. I don't know who I am or what I am.
"Do you need space?" Nil asks. Now everyone's turning to Ben, silently waiting for his next words.
Monster.
"Want to try this soup?" a one-eyed villager asks, with a smile, "It makes wonders".
Coward.
I don't want to be this. I don't have to be this.
"I need to go back," Ben says, "This was a mistake". Burnhar tightens his grip on the wheelchair and immediately begins turning it around.
Monster.
I can't. I can't lose this battle. I can't.
Ben's face twitches and shakes. He clenches his fists again, and feels the nails on his fingers slashing his hand on the inside. He knows he's about to blow up. He thinks of the sponge and focuses on it, starting to deform it with his mind from afar.
I can't… I don't… I want this. They're good people. Why do I hate people?
Against his own impulses, and fighting every muscle in his face's attempt to clench his teeth and keep his mouth shut, Ben summons all of his strength to raise his own right arm and swing it across his own axis, all the way to behind his back, touching Burnhar's left hand. Burnhar notices it and stops the wheelchair. Ben signals him to wait, and turns his head as far back as he can.
"Th- Thank you all for… receiving me…" he says, then patting Burnhar's hand again, thus telling him to resume motion. Ben hears some words of encouragement among the villagers.
"It's all right," Burnhar says, "You were very brave to try to do this, Ben".
…
Monster.
They finally arrive back at Ben's room.
Get yourself in bed. Tell him to leave, weakling.
"Burnhar, wait," Ben says, right as they cross the doorway, "Wait".
"Oh, right," Burnhar chuckles to himself, "I forgot, you like to get yourself to bed. I'm sorry".
He knows his place. Good. Now get yourself there, or are you truly weak?
No, I'm…
A weak monster. You don't belong here. Stop being weak. Get yourself to bed and kill them all while they sleep.
No.
Burnhar turns to walk away.
"Let me know if you need anything," Burnhar says, "I'll be-".
I'm not weak.
"No, Burnhar," Ben says, "Please, help me. I'm about to blow up and I need you just to get me there…".
Weak.
"Sure, Ben," Burnhar says, turning back to the young man and rolling him toward the bed, "Use my shoulder to help yourself up". Ben strugglingly carries himself up, shaking as he does it, and finally manages to turn over and slowly lie on the bed, "That's it".
I don't have to keep being a monster.
"I don't know if you'll like hearing this, but…" Burnhar says, as he rolls the wheelchair over and contracts it, then leaning it against the wall, "You're different… from the day I met you, I mean… Yeah".
I don't have to keep being a monster. Why did I ever think I have to be one?
"Anyway, again," Burnhar says, waving his hands, "You need anything, I'm nearby. I hope you have a peaceful night… oh, and, if you ever need to talk to anyone about anything… we're friends, remember? I've seen your veins," he chuckles as he leaves.
"Yeah… thanks…" he responds. Only now is his breathing back in a regular rhythm and volume, "Goodbye, Burnhar, I'll see you tomorrow".
That night, Ben struggles to keep away the seductive darkness, and simply looks back at his own life. Why he'd chosen the path he did. Whether he had made the right choice. Whether that path was still the one he wanted to be in. He's not able to answer any of these questions, though, since he falls asleep while diving into his thoughts. He dreams of a land that looks like a fairy tale, with vast and lush fields, glamorous castles, long and beautiful rivers, and two star-crossed lovers travelling on a boat. One of them is a knight with long, dark hair and a severely wounded face. The other one is a woman with dark hair. She may look a little like Rey at some points, but not always. They are royalty. There is also, somewhere in this peaceful land, the village Ben had found in Neast, with all of its people. The lovers hold each other's hands, in harmony. But then, the Knight hears his mother from afar, and sees her at an impossible distance. Inexplicably, he tries to run towards her, but can't reach her. His fellow knights are keeping him on a leash. At least, that's what it looks like. Suddenly, the skies turn red, and a giant appears. It's Snoke. Or is it? Sometimes it looks like someone else. The giant engulfs the knight inside his hand, and everything around him burns.
"You're a monster," several voices echo, "You will always be a monster". The last thing he sees is Han Solo and Leia hugging, and the former promising to bring their son home. Right at that moment, an incomprehensibly large red beam of fiery light stabs through the ground itself, as a wild, familiar roar of pain is heard, and Ben wakes up.
Far away, back in Fegwet, Rey and Finn walk through town. Everyone is moving toward town hall for the weekly assembly, and these two young Rebels are currently executing the plot they organized a few days earlier. Rey wears heavily layered clothing, exposing only her eyes and hands. Finn wears what used to be Poe's jacket over a black bodysuit, while carrying a loaded backpack. The two walk through the moving crowd while whispering words of provocative, rebellious hope.
"Today," they whisper, "the First Order falls. Will you fight alongside us?". Some townspeople react somewhat confused. Others look upon the two Rebels with a curious admiration.
Finally, they arrive at the town hall. Hundreds gather around an elevated stage. Stormtroopers surround the entire area, and six First Order officials await on the stage. Finn sneaks out to a dark alley.
"Good luck," Rey says, "Take care. May the Force be with you".
"You too," he responds, as he takes off the backpack and opens it. Rey walks into the crowd until getting right to the center. Most of the ears around her heard their call to revolution either that day or the day before. Rey closed her eyes and felt them. She saw in them the resignation and dread that she once felt in Jakku. The helplessness.
These people all think they're doomed to this life of oppression. They're not. They can fight for their freedom, make their own path.
"Everyone," one of the officials yells, "Listen up and sit down. The assembly begins".
Why did I ever think I could do this? No, get a hold of yourself! You chose this path. It's possible. Frightening, but possible.
Everyone sits down; most are uncomfortable. The official starts to talk about control, the success of the First Order, the enlargement of troops on a galactic scale, the greatness and power of Supreme Leader Sidious, and finally, he gets to what Rey and the rest of the Rebels are waiting for.
"Lastly," he says, "Regarding opposition and resistance… these are the roots of chaos, the roots of what the First Order aims to protect you from".
Rey looks around, and locates all of her allies. Finn, Cade, Terr, and Waldenhur disguised as Stormtroopers as part of their perimeter. Rose, Poe, Lyn, Viera, Jut-Ho, Ruppe, Ward Junior, Kotto, Loré, and even Professor Rhuddal are among the crowd.
There's good in these people. There's hope and a willingness to fight. They just need to know that it's worth fighting for and that they're not alone. Come on. You can do this.
"I remind you, then, that, were any one of you found to be a part of something like this," he says, giving off the tone of an aggressively protective father, "For the greater good of you, it would be our responsibility to enact a punishment… and a severe one".
Rey thinks of all the people who have allowed her to become who she wants to be, by helping her push against her own fears and anxieties. Don't they deserve someone to fight for their freedom?
I know what I must do.
Rey stands up and takes off the layers of clothing covering her face, revealing a large cape and a monk-like dressing resembling those of the old Jedi legends she's heard. She pulls Leia's lightsaber to her hand from far away and ignites it, then getting into a defensive position. Stormtroopers immediately aim at her, awaiting instructions. Most of the civilians present react by preparing to stand up and run away.
"What in th-" the official asks, as Rey uses the Force and pulls away the Stormtroopers' blasters, except for four of them, and concentrates them at her feet, "Shoot her!".
"The First Order falls today!" Lyn chants, as she stands up. The rest of the Rebels join her chant one by one. The four deserting Stormtroopers fire at the officials' legs, causing them to fall to the ground. Most of the civilians remain in fear sitting down. Some stand up and run away, madly. The Rebels grab the blasters and aim at the Stormtroopers. Most of them surrender.
Lyn and Rey approach the stand and look down on the First Order officials.
"Brothers and sisters," Lyn screams at the crowd, "Join us. United, we can take down their base and free our system!". Rey turns off the lightsaber, assuming the victory.
"They'll kill us again!" a voice among the crowd yells.
"We're stronger," Lyn responds, "The tide will rise in the whole galaxy. They can't fight the tide".
"Your tide consists of twenty people!" someone else comments, "You're out of your mind. You'll make them kill us. Go back home!".
Lyn's expression of hope and courage vanishes slowly.
"We have to fight!" Rey screams, "You deserve your freedom!".
"We'll die fighting for it," another civilian says, "It's not worth it. I rather be alive".
This can't be! It was supposed to work. We were supposed to win today.
Most of the crowd walks away quickly. Some twenty people do, however, stay behind.
"Hey," one of them says, "I want to fight as well".
Lyn smiles. A familiar one-eyed civilian approaches.
"Hey," he says, "I'm Lauro. I went to your little meeting a few days ago".
"I remember you," Lyn responds, "Come to say you've changed your mind?".
"Come to advise you to save yourselves," Lauro corrects her, "You may still have a shot at surviving, but this uprising was a mistake". He then makes a tiny reverence as a gesture of respect, turns around and walks away, looking around himself as he does it, as if expecting more troops to come along.
"It's all right, Rey," Lyn says, "We still won… we're closer to victory than we were yesterday".
But it doesn't feel like it.
"I know," Rey admits to Lyn, though she's not sure if she believes it herself.
"We must leave now," Lyn orders, "Finish with the troopers and let's take off".
And so, having gained twenty new recruits, as well as captured about thirty Stormtroopers and six officials and disabled their means of communication, the Rebels walk away from town hall. Rey waits for everyone else to leave and follows quietly, at the end of the caravan.
We can't be going at this rate! We've been here for over a month and all we've done is gained thirty people to fight with us! We need to free this whole planet now, and I can do it. I took away their weapons, I've done it before. I can disarm their whole base. I know I can.
Rey is lost in her thoughts, but she comes back to real life for a moment, and notices Finn looking at her from within the caravan, curiously. Some time later, they arrive at the base and lock everyone from the First Order in cages, alongside the trooper that almost killed Terr a few days prior. Rey hadn't noticed the sheer magnitude of their base. Though the entrance made it seem like a simple, humble cave, it went deeply underground and had more than enough room for everyone who came from town hall. There were, of course, no windows, so the light on the inside had to come from lights that both current and previous Rebels had installed themselves, most of which had been stolen from the Empire and the First Order. There were many tables spread across the main hall. They'd had dinner on one of them the day they arrived, but the others now were used to draw out different aspects of their strategy. It was impossible that the place had become bigger somehow, but that's how it felt to Rey, who continued to be silent. Lyn then called for a meeting on the main hall. The forty Rebels assembled around her.
"I know not all of you feel the hope that I know I feel right now," Lyn says, "A month ago, we were just seven, and now we're forty… This was only the beginning, but we must not lose momentum. If this happens to get to their base, they will increase security, they will fear… and they should fear, but not so much that the make our progress impossible".
I hope she has a plan. I really hope there's something I don't know.
"We have all of these Stormtrooper armors at our disposal," she continues, "And as long as we keep this pace of capturing their soldiers, we can be able to disguise their losses. Let me explain… With what happened today, we gained twenty Rebels, and they lost thirty soldiers, but if they don't notice that they're lost, then we grow without them even realizing it. If we are able to maintain this strategy, of growing without making them notice, we will set our world free! We are not waiting until next assembly, no. Let our fellow civilians know we won't be quiet and calm. We're here to stay and to fight restlessly. Before you know it, we'll double the First Order's numbers". The crowd gets excited.
I don't know if that's enough.
"It may not seem like it, but believe me, the First Order did indeed fall today!" she concludes, and everyone cheers. Rey claps and smiles along, but her heart and her mind are elsewhere.
Ben lies on his bed, his back facing the ceiling. Most of his torso is covered by blankets. His legs, however, are exposed. Burnhar sits on the left side of the bed, with all kinds of medical instruments at hand. Ben's legs are clean, as far as blood goes, but they are heavily scarred and damaged regardless. Burnhar tends to the wounds, carefully. Ben has a tight grip on the mattress with both hands, and, as he buries his head into the mattress, he clenches his teeth as usual, but there's something different this time. The clenching feels much more responsive to the physical pain specifically, and not like it comes from anything inside of him.
I can take it. I can take it.
You can't.
I'm strong.
You're weak, and a monster.
I'm…
Remember when your parents sent you away because you were a monster? They didn't see you as a human. You took your place. You're better than that. Go back to who you are. Stop being weak.
"Stop," Ben says to himself, out loud. Even though he says it into the mattress, it's audible.
"I'm sorry?" Burnhar responds, "You said you want me to stop?". Ben raises his head.
"No, I'm talking…" Ben says, strugglingly, "… I don't deserve this. I'm not a good person like all of you. I've done things none of you would ever forgive".
Burnhar moves away from Ben's wounds.
"This isn't who I am and this isn't my life, I…" for some reason, Ben starts to sweat, "My mind keeps telling me to be who I am, but that someone has no reason to be here…".
"Why has he no reason to be?" Burnhar asks. Ben is confused by the lack of judgment in Burnhar's tone.
"Because he hates everyone around him," Ben finally spits it out, "and he treats everyone around him as if they hated him, and… he only talks through violence… all he wants is power, but when he has power all he does is destroy and fear that someone will take it away, he… he has no place among you. I fought back my impulses to be like that because I had a use for you, but in doing so I've been feeling like I have no use for him! The brief moments where I forget about him, I feel so… calm and peaceful… " his voice now sounds far from the deep and cold tone everyone is used to.
"So why were you that person before?" Burnhar follows up.
"Because I thought it was right to be like that…" Ben says, "I'm not sure of that anymore… and knowing I can't ever get out of here… I can't go on like I'm gonna go back to my life in two months… plus, everyone betrayed me… I don't even know if I know right from wrong, at this point". Burnhar listens to and savors every word. He wasn't expecting Ben to confess like that, and certainly not right then. One question does come to his head, though.
"What do you want, Ben?" he asks, "Really".
Ben buries his head back into the mattress, his hands now relaxed.
"I tried a few days ago," he admits, "At dinner… to be someone different, and I failed miserably".
"I think you got farther than you ever have before," Burnhar says, "If you want to be different, it won't be instant, and it won't be easy. You'll have to work hard every day, against your own impulses, but I believe you can do it". Ben raises his head from the mattress again.
"And why would you think that?" he asks.
"Well, firstly, because I believe everyone can change," Burnhar responds, "But also… because your heart is already there. Once your heart knows something, you can't ever get it out of your head, not really".
Ben doesn't respond.
The heart? How weak and pathetic.
"How long do you think this process would take?" Ben asks.
"The struggle to be a better person should never stop," Burnhar responds, "Not even for a single day. Unfortunately, no one can do it for you, but fortunately, the longer you fight, the stronger you'll be". Ben lies down again.
"Thank you for all of this," he says as he closes his eyes slowly, trying to find peace, even if it's short-lived.
In the middle of the night, Rey stealthily exits the cave. Like she did just a few weeks ago, she makes her way to the Stormtrooper base. This time, she has a plan and is determined.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" Finn's voice reaches Rey's ears like a paralyzing beam. She turns around and sees Finn, Poe, and Rose approaching.
Why are they here?
"Rey, what are you doing?" Finn insists.
"I'm going to disarm them," she responds, "Base by base. Leave them defenseless".
"You didn't think this through," Rose says, as she walks closer to Rey. Her gestures and motion resemble those of approaching a wild creature in fear that it will bite, "If you disarm them, they'll know something is up and they'll actually intensify their control… maybe even bring more troops".
"We have the advantage of surprise, still," Poe adds, "This will remove it".
Rey ignites Leia's saber and her breathing gets faster.
"H- Rey, what are you planning to do with that right now?" Finn asks.
"Nothing, but you have to let me do this!" she insists.
"Rey, we just told you why this is literally a counter-productive strategy!" Rose pleads, "You're acting like a traditional Jedi right now, you know that right?".
How dare she?
"And you're acting like…?" she loses her train of thought.
Or is she right? They're my closest friends and they look terrified of me.
"You're…" Rey turns off the lightsaber, "You're right…".
Rose finally gets close to Rey and hugs her.
"Me doing this would be counterproductive…" she admits, "And the kind of change we want only works in the long run if it's everyone working together constantly… not one or a few people doing the hard work on their own, I…" she runs out of things to say.
Did I feel so powerless that I almost ruined a month's worth of hard work?
"It's okay," Finn says, "Your heart was in the right place".
"Well," Poe adds, attempting to light up the mood, "At least we think so… But yeah, you nailed it exactly. We need everyone's heart to be in the right place and everyone to do this".
"It's gonna take a long time, maybe even years," Finn says, "But I think the fight for justice should go on forever… becaus-".
"Come join the hug, dum-dums!" Rose says. And the two thus walk over and join the intimate family reunion.
Maybe this will work out after all.
