Chapter 29

Seeing those three faces lying dead in front of him made all his thoughts crash together and Neal felt a chill wash over him. It felt as though his soul went cold. It sounds weird but it's the truth. He left them talking, El busying herself in the kitchen. He was back in what he now called 'his chair' outside, breathing in the air, trying to get his head straight before he went back in. They were dead. He didn't have to worry any more. As he sat, he found himself smiling.

oOo

"So. What now." He pushed the crime scene photos towards his boss, who hastily put them back in the folder.

"We work the case."

"No. I meant... with us. What happens to us, I mean... someone wanted to keep an eye on him. What do we do now?"

"You keep him here until we figure it out... and get him to therapy." At this word El looked over, Peter stared over his shoulder towards the window and the back of his friends' head before looking back at his boss who was still speaking, "I'm not kidding Burke, he needs it. Now. His reaction to that crime scene was not normal, definitely not by his standards. He looks a mess, he is changing for the worse. I know you want to protect him, but you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened to him and focus on what you can do now."

"I know. I know. It's just hard. I haven't... haven't brought it up with him yet." El looked at the back of his head as he returned to staring out the window. She followed his gaze, "Well you need to and soon. I've looked into funding, it will be all set..."

"Why do we need funding? We'll be insured through the FBI?" She was confused. Especially when Hughes looked at her like she was mad.

"Yeah, hon, we are, us. Not Neal."

"Why?"

"Well, like it told Peter yesterday, he's still a felon so..." His speech trailed off as Peter gave him a sharp look as Neal returned through the door. El noticed that he looked worse every time she saw his face, rapidly deteriorating before her. It hit her that she was wrong, she now was beginning to understand why Peter hadn't told her.

oOo

She looked over at him, sitting on the sofa watching something on the tv, his expression blank, resting back. She turned to face her husband, both in the kitchen working on lunch.

"You need to talk to him honey." Peter turned to look at her, glancing at Neal. They were hidden from him allowing them to talk.

"I know. I just don't know how."

"You will though, as soon as you start it will happen. Hughes was right, he needs help... professional help, now. Before it's too late."

"He's sleeping better..."

"Because he has the pills, but that's effecting him in other ways and you can't tell me you don't notice." She waited on his response, saw the defeat in his eyes, seeing that he knew she was right.

"Yeah... ok. I'll do it now." He took a long sip of coffee, setting the cup down and giving his wife a peck on the cheek.

Neal looked over at him as he walked nearer, sitting in the chair in front of him.

"How you doing?" His friend just gave a small smile. "Fair enough. There is something we need to discuss," he put the doctors card on the coffee table in between them, seeing Neal look at it then away, defiance flooding his face, lips curling upwards and shaking head. "I know. I'm not excited about it either. But we have to go. You have to go. Have to tell someone about... everything. What they did to you is a different kind of assault and I can't help you with it." Neal's head snapped to look at him.

"Don't. Don't make it out to be more than it was... it wasn't... it wasn't what it could have been..."

"But it could have happened. And that's what the problem is. Me making you keep it a secret has resulted in you never talking about it, and you need to. I need to," he broke eye contact and looked at the floor, "I couldn't help you, protect you."

"El needed you, it wasn't your fault..."

"Didn't make it any easier, then and now. So please, for me, go and see the doctor. Hughes says he's good. He also said that we don't get back to work until we're cleared."

"Technically you've already went back."

"Yeah, and look how that turned out."

"It was self-defence."

"It almost wasn't. What he was saying... about El, about you. I don't know if I would have shot him anyway. We need to make sure he doesn't win."

"What was he saying to you?" His voice was small, staring Peter dead in the eyes, anger evident.

"That what they did pushed you too far to come back. That you were too damaged... among other things. That can't happen. We can't let it happen. Please."

"I am sorry you had to hear that. I'll go, it's ok. I'll go."