Part Four

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Padmé

Vader wasn't entirely sure how he'd ended up on opposite ends of a playing table with Ahsoka in his Mustafar Fortress playing some unimportant strategy hologame. One moment, he'd offered to help Luke against Leia. Then Ahsoka proclaimed that wasn't fair and took Leia's side for what Leia had declared to be a girls versus boys match. The next moment, Luke and Leia had lost interest in playing the game and were more interested in watching Vader and Ahsoka play against each other. Leia had even run to her room to get her datapad and looked up creative ways to make the already simple game more challenging.

"You can't do that," Ahsoka said idly as he started to make his next move.

"The rules say I can," Vader replied, not taking his eyes off the board.

"The standard play rules do, but we're playing by the altered challenge rules," Ahsoka reminded.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to let Luke and Leia encourage his and Ahsoka's competitive rivalry. But at the very least, he didn't have to sense her anxiety about bringing the twins to his newly constructed Mustafar Fortress.

She'd made it very clear that she didn't like the idea of the twins spending time on a planet that was so strong in the dark side of the Force, let alone the planet's dark side locus where his fortress was built.

Vader certainly didn't care about assuring her concerns when it came to the decisions he made about the safety of his children. He trusted her choices with them, even letting her annoying top special agent have access to them. She would eventually have to learn to trust his. But these visits generally went better when Vader didn't give her a reason to be angry with him. Better to placate her in the beginning rather than to have things explode spectacularly in the end, especially when it came to Luke and Leia. He was learning that sometimes it was best to pick his battles when it came to Ahsoka.

So he'd exposed the old bond he shared with her from the icy depths of darkness that usually shielded it. When he'd reached out with his senses towards her, she didn't reach back to him immediately but didn't falter or retreat from him. When she had reached back, Vader had to resist the urge to retreat from the heat of her light. But she'd had no desire to fight the darkness, nor to extinguish it, and so he had guided her senses to the bright balls of light that were Luke and Leia.

She wasn't wrong in her suspicion that the dark side leaped with glee at the prospect of consuming them. But Vader's power in the dark side was more powerful than that of a non-sentient planet, and he rose against it, establishing his dominance. The two bright presences of light were his, and the dark side backed off as Vader reinforced that dark blanket he'd created to mask Luke's and Leia's presence.

"Well then," she had said thoughtfully, "I suppose the dark side can protect sometimes. In its own way."

Vader couldn't blame her for thinking that way, but there were many hidden aspects of the dark side outside what the Order had permitted their Jedi to know. There were many hidden aspects of it outside what Sidious wanted him to know.

Vader finally cursed at the game, not liking any of the limited number of options left to him when he remembered the altered rule of their game.

"You said a forbidden word, Daddy," Leia said with an unimpressed look that perfectly mimicked the one he was familiar with from Ahsoka.

"It's not forbidden for me," Vader replied.

"How can it be forbidden for me and not you?" Leia asked, tone now mimicking the skeptical one that he'd been frequently on the receiving end of with Ahsoka when she found him being hypocritical back when she was just a padawan. A tone he was still frequently on the receiving end of.

He wondered at it for a moment. How even though both Luke and Leia looked like him and Padmé, they still managed to pick up some of Ahsoka's mannerisms enough that he saw their adopted mother in them too. Would they still have picked up some of her speech patterns and facial expressions if Padmé had still been around to mother them?

Vader decided to stop that entire train of thought. Thinking things like that would take him down a path he didn't have the energy to deal with right now.

"Because I'm hoping that you all will actually grow up to sometimes be polite and decent company, unlike your father," Ahsoka intervened. Then she grinned at the twins and said something to them in her native togruta tongue, characterized by distinct clicking consonants, that made both Luke and Leia giggle.

"What did you say?" Vader asked. When Ahsoka shrugged, he looked at the twins and demanded, "Tell me what she said."

"It was nothing, daddy," Luke said in an all too innocent tone.

Just for that, Vader was now going to make it his business to learn togruti. He was sure it wouldn't take long once he learned the grammar and general phonetic structure, one of the few benefits of spending time on such a diverse population as the one on Tatooine.

"Oh!" Leia suddenly said, her eyes lighting up. "I just remembered. Daddy, was our mother your heart?"

Vader didn't miss how Ahsoka paused with her hand poised just above the piece she was about to move.

"My heart?" Vader asked, crossing his arms and looking at Leia. "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing—just the ramblings of a six-year-old. Silly youngling stuff," Ahsoka said as she moved her piece. "Your turn."

"It's not silly," Leia cried indignantly to Ahsoka before turning back to Vader. "And it's…" She trailed off, brows furrowed in concentration before she turned back to Ahsoka and said, "Mama. You explain it for me. It'll make more sense."

Ahsoka raised an eye marking at the girl who at least had enough shame to blush a little and asked softly, "Can you explain it for me, please?"

Ahsoka kept looking at Leia for a moment before sighing and turning to the game, playing with one of the pieces though it wasn't her turn.

"It's a concept on Shili. There's no direct translation for the word in Basic. I mean, there is. It literally translates to heart. But no Basic word encompasses it all. It's like… maybe the closest thing is life companions or life partners," Ahsoka explained.

"So soulmates?" Vader asked bluntly.

"No. That's different. It's not just someone that's a close friend or a romantic partner. It's someone that's none of that and all of that with a lot more. That person is literally everything to another person. Enemies. Rivals. Lovers. Friends. Companions. Their heart."

Vader still didn't get the concept, and, probably sensing that, Ahsoka groaned.

"It's already an abstract enough concept on Shili. It's even harder to explain outside the language. But it's considered the highest blessing and signifies favor from the universe if you're lucky enough to find that person and realize it. It's extremely rare. Rarer than the broader concept of soulmates. And really, you can't know what it means until you experience it. If you experience it. As you can imagine, Shili entertainment and media are obsessed with the idea," Ahsoka added.

"Let me guess. Diya," Vader said with a roll of his eyes.

"Come on. Don't be like that. Diya's a sweetheart."

"You and I clearly have vastly different definitions of that word."

"She's useful to our cause."

"Trust me," Vader muttered as he finally moved a piece. "If I had not already deduced that, I would have killed her moments after we met, even after she showed me your special insignia."

Not only useful for taking down the Emperor, Vader thought to himself. He would also be able to use Diya for his own side project. But that wasn't something he was telling Ahsoka. If she could use her rebellion to also give refuge to the Jedi, Vader could use his Imperial connections for his own purposes and borrow her agent for the task. So long as it didn't interfere with their primary goal.

"Daddy! You wouldn't kill Aunt Diya!" Luke cried in alarm.

"Of course, he wouldn't, Luke. He's just joking," Ahsoka said, giving Vader a warning look because she knew as well as he did that he absolutely would kill the girl if she pushed the boundaries of his patience too far. Useful or not. "If it makes you feel any better, she dislikes you about as much as you dislike her."

"Mama. Daddy. Focus," Leia demanded and then looked at Vader. "So you get it now?"

"Yes," Vader replied.

"So was our mother your heart?" Leia continued.

Vader resisted the urge to scoff as he said, "No. Ahsoka was not nor ever will be my heart."

He looked at Ahsoka, expecting her to good-naturedly agree, but she was pointedly avoiding his gaze by pretending to be engrossed in their game.

"Not Mama," Leia said, annoyance coloring her features, and she looked like Ahsoka to Vader again. "Our first mother. Padmé." Then she turned to Ahsoka. "That's what you said her name was. Right, Mama."

"Yes," Ahsoka said softly, still not looking up from the game.

Vader contained the surge of the dark side that rose in him, but barely. As it was, he guessed the temperature still must have dropped because Luke, who hated the cold most, suddenly shivered.

"Alright, you two. Bedtime," Ahsoka said.

"But Daddy hasn't answered my question," Leia argued.

"He'll answer it tomorrow. After you've had a good night's rest," Ahsoka responded in the easy manner she always did when dealing with the twins. "I'll come tuck you in soon, after I clean this up."

Leia and Luke looked at each other and then both rolled their eyes after whatever mental conversation the two had. Then, together, they made their way to their room to get ready for bed.

When they were gone, Ahsoka immediately said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know she planned to ask you that question. If I'd know, I would have—"

"How do they know about Padmè?"

"Because I told them about her."

"It wasn't your secret to tell," Vader snapped at her.

"Secret? Padmé was their mother. It's their right to know about her. I've been telling them about her since they were born."

"You shouldn't have."

"Why not?"

"For once, Ahsoka, don't push me on this. Leave it," Vader said as he stood from the table they'd been competing on.

If there were one way to guarantee Ahsoka would push him on something, telling her not to was the way. So he wasn't surprised when she stood to meet his challenge with her hands on her hips.

"I don't get you. Of all the things we disagree on, I would have thought you wanted me to tell them about her."

"Well, you thought wrong."

"That makes no sense."

Vader didn't care as he began to walk off toward his room. Ahsoka followed him.

"What was I supposed to do? Lie to them? Try to make them believe I'm their first mother like everyone else assumes I am and pretend the fact that they remember her is just their imagination?"

Vader rounded on her then because Luke and Leia shouldn't remember her. Not if…

"How?" he demanded as he let go of some of the restraint he had on his shielding. "You told me she died before she could even hold them."

And may the Force help her if she'd lied to him about that.

"She did," Ahsoka said, not deterred by his tone or the power coming off him. Instead she stood her ground, her own Force potential flaring just slightly in response to the challenge his own offered. "But they remember her in the Force. They know she was there, and they know she's missing. This isn't a secret I'll keep from them. I decided that not long after they were born. And I didn't think it was a secret you'd keep from them either."

"No. But it wasn't something you should have decided to discuss without my express permission," Vader finally snapped.

Ahsoka scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Your express permission? I was telling them about her long before you came into their lives and decided you wanted to be in the running for Father of the Year."

"You're the one that hid them from me."

"Right. Because I was supposed to randomly show up on an Imperial Star Destroyer and request an audience with you when you were almost totally out your mind," Ahsoka said, sounding irritatingly like Obi-wan. "You're barely even around to be their father as it is. It was safer to tell them the truth, so they know why they can't talk about it than to keep it from them and have them say the right thing in ignorance to the wrong person."

"So you say."

"So I know," Ahsoka declared. "Really, Vader. You damn your soul and the entire galaxy for her, and now all of a sudden, you want to act like she never existed."

"That's the point!" he roared, losing all semblance of control as he fully unleashed presence in the dark side.

Ahsoka faltered, stepping back from him until her back was against the wall. He sensed her pain from the assault caused by the full brunt of his Force signature without warning, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It wasn't as if she cared to restrain her sharp tongue before she threw at him the failure to do the very thing he'd turned to the dark side and pledged himself to Sidious for. He was very well aware what people, including her, thought of what he'd done, and how in vain all that he'd done had been. He'd lost Padmé, missed two years of his children's lives, and got to see his children only every few months or more because Sidious would become suspicious if he insisted on too much time off. He certainly didn't need Ahsoka to remind him of that.

He began to head to his room again, and unsurprisingly, Ahsoka pulled herself off the wall to follow.

"Vader. Hey," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back towards her so that he was half facing her.

The only reason she'd even managed it was because he hadn't expected her to grab him. Generally, they avoided physical contact with each other. At his glare, she let him go.

"What?"

"Let's try this again," Ahsoka paused, closing her eyes for a moment before letting out a sigh. She opened them again and said, "I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty about what you've done. Sometimes I am, but I wasn't then, though apparently you feel guilty enough without me reminding you."

Vader started to deny it, but then felt a pointed mental poke through their bond, giving him the impression that Ahsoka was trying to tell him not to lie because she already knew. She'd sensed his thoughts already through the same bond she was poking. At that, he drew the darkness back around the mental link to keep it from being used.

He didn't need their link to know that she was losing patience with him.

"I'm not one of your children," he said, entering his room and allowing her to follow him inside. If he tried to keep her out, she would just bother him until he let her in.

"Well, if you stopped acting like one, I wouldn't treat you like one."

"I'm not acting like anything. That's you projecting."

"Whatever. I'm not going to argue that point with you," Ahsoka decided and then said, "But you are being incredibly difficult. I can tell them about my friend and their mother even if you don't want to tell them about your wife. You didn't own Padmé."

"Of course not."

"Sometimes, it doesn't feel like you know that."

In an Empire where most beings tiptoed around Vader, telling him what he wanted to hear or suffering the consequences of it, Ahsoka's blunt honesty was somehow both a breath of fresh air and irritating as hell. A breath of fresh air because he could generally take what she offered him on face value. No trying to ascertain if there was an ulterior motive. No need to weigh her words against something else she'd said in the past to find a lie or inconsistency. No listening for the dead ringers that would betray a possible agent for the Emperor sent to watch him. No need for paranoia. But nonetheless irritating because she always seemed to be able to press just the right button to force emotions long-buried with his former self to surface.

"I do know that. I knew that," Vader finally replied evenly, taking great effort to control his Force power.

The galaxy had taken great pains to remind him of that. Part of his and Padmé's agreement when they got married was that their duty to the galaxy came before their desire for each other. Hence the reason no one knew she was his wife. Hence why she only got to be his wife in the few precious moments they had from prying eyes. Hence why when she died, no one knew she'd left a widower behind.

Ahsoka gave him a look that said she still didn't agree with him, but let it go with her next statement, "Leia's going to ask you again. She won't forget. And even if I had the answers to give, she wants them from you. They hardly get to see you as it is. Do you really wanna spend that time holding back something you don't have to just because of your stubborn refusal?"

He got the feeling that she meant more than just his stubborn refusal to talk about Padmé at all. But also his stubborn refusal to confront that part of the blame for her death lied with him and his own actions. Because he hadn't had the foresight to play the long game against Sidious before. Because he'd let the power of the dark side control him until he'd lashed out at the very things he'd been trying to protect. He retreated more into the cold embrace of the dark side to dim the feelings that those harsh truths began to bring up in him. Feelings unbecoming of a Sith Lord.

"Are you done?" he asked, though they both knew he wasn't giving her an option. The conversation was over as far as Vader was concerned.

"Never," Ahsoka replied but seemed to take the cue from him that he was done talking and left him to brood in peace.


AN: This was the first chapter in a while that I wasn't constantly picking at and nitpicking at. I read through it, ran it through Grammarly and was pretty satisfied with it. Amazingly because I know I started, scrapped, and restarted this chapter three or four times when I originally wrote it weeks ago.

Get ready to have your complete heart's content of Vader and Ahsoka interacting because they're together in every chapter except one for this entire part. And this entire part is twelve chapters. Also, a lot of Vader and Ahsoka, but Vader especially, because completely and utterly oblivious to their emotions.

Hope you enjoyed. Review please! I really appreciate it