28. Pathetic.


While Luka and Alistair chattered about the fate of this poor, dismal little town, Bree was sitting in the corner of the Chantry that was farthest from the loudly praying people. Bree was aimlessly petting Kitty, whose head rested in her lap as he slept, and she wished she could be as relaxed as he was. All the misery of this place was started to grate at her nerves, and she could feel only disdain for the people huddled in the place where they worshipped the god that allowed their homes to be destroyed.

When did I get so jaded? Bree wondered. This isn't normal, right? She tried to muster up a shred of heartfelt sympathy towards a woman who was sobbing about the loss of her husband, but she kept having to shove down the urge to tell her to shut up. Maybe I've just gotten used to death everywhere, Bree thought. She yawned widely and allowed her gaze to wander across the Chantry as she searched for something to relieve her boredom. She eventually spotted Morrigan, and she felt a smile cross her face involuntarily.

Morrigan had been trying to act perfectly normally around Bree since the kiss at Orzammar, but Bree could sense a tension in Morrigan's every movement. She saw the way Morrigan stared at her uneasily, but also with acute interest. Morrigan was becoming aware of Bree in all the right ways, and that was exactly as Bree intended. Bree had decided to act just as Morrigan was trying to, but Bree was far more successful in her apparent apathy. That infuriated Morrigan, Bree knew, and perhaps it was time to push the emotionally-frustrated Morrigan over the edge.

With a new course of action determined, Bree gently pushed Kitty's head off her lap, and he continued snoozing away on the floor. Bree pulled herself to her feet after giving him one last pat and trotted over to Morrigan. Morrigan was sitting on the floor mixing potions and looked quite content being alone. Bree decided to ignore that and plopped onto the floor right in front of the other mage, the potion mixtures between them.

"Why aren't you listening to the story of Redcliffe with the others?" Bree asked even though Morrigan had not even glanced up at her. Morrigan knew that Bree was there, she just did not want to give Bree the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

"I could ask the same of you," Morrigan said, still keeping her gaze on her potions. She had tensed up, however, and Bree held back a satisfied smile.

" 'Cause I don't care," Bree replied, slightly disturbed by the truth of her own words. This time, Morrigan did look at Bree, and she nodded expressionlessly.

"My answer is the same, I suppose," Morrigan said. "I do not see the point in wasting our time here while the blight continues to terrorize Ferelden."

"I get that we need the noble and all," Bree sighed, trying to be diplomatic, "but these people are irritating." She glanced around and wondered when the woman in the corner would stop sobbing. You'd think she'd run out of tears eventually. "Why didn't they just leave?" Bree asked with a deep frown.

" 'Twas a foolish desire to protect their homes from an enemy they were ill-equipped to fight," Morrigan replied. "Worthless sentiment on their part."

"Do you ever miss your home, Morrigan?" Bree blurted out impulsively.

Morrigan stilled for a split second and glanced away momentarily. "…At times," she admitted slowly, "but I have thus far enjoyed the freedom and novelty of this journey."

"Mm, good," Bree said happily, delighted that Morrigan was not considering going home. "I'm glad you're here."

Morrigan narrowed her eyes as though confused, then stared back at her unfinished potion. She fiddled with an empty vial for a few moments before she sighed heavily. "What about you?" she asked grudgingly. "Do you miss your home?"

Bree pursed her lips. "Honestly… I don't know," she realized. "I haven't actually thought of my family in… months, which is weird 'cause I loved them. A lot." What the hell is wrong with me? she thought, almost furious at herself for her lack of care. Bree considered this for a long moment and bit the inside of her cheek as she surveyed her companions scattered around the Chantry. "Guess I kinda have a new family now," Bree said. She was comforted, at least, by the burst of warmth she felt when her gaze landed on Luka and her other friends.

"You see me as… family, do you?" Morrigan inquired with a suspicious glint in her eye.

"Nope," Bree replied easily, and Morrigan blinked.

"Oh," Morrigan said shortly. Bree could not tell if Morrigan was disappointed or not, but that was what made conversations with Morrigan so fun. The teasing was all well and good, but the uncertainty, how Morrigan kept Bree on her toes, was what made it truly enjoyable.

Bree smiled and leaned forwards. "I don't really want to kiss my family," Bree explained in a conspiratorial whisper, and Morrigan flinched, just as intended. Bree scooted closer to Morrigan and pushed the potion equipment to the side. To Morrigan's credit, she did not draw back. Morrigan never drew back, and that was always thrilling.

"Then who is Zevran to you?" Morrigan inquired with a semi-accusing note to her voice.

"I guess that one's more complicated," Bree mused. She bit her lip, then shrugged. "It's casual. We're friends." Bree grinned again and rested her chin on one hand. "We've already talked about how you're the one I actually want."

"You what?" Morrigan snapped loudly enough that a few nearby people glanced over. Morrigan paused to collect herself and lowered her voice again. "You and Zevran have spoken about…" Morrigan shook her head, seemingly at a loss for words. "What have you spoken about?"

"You," Bree stated bluntly. "How I like you. A lot."

"I… you…" Morrigan's face was almost comically shocked, and Bree blinked slowly. Bree slowly straightened her posture and folded her hands in her lap with satisfaction. "What?" Morrigan finally sputtered.

"I like you a lot," Bree repeated, "and I think you like me as well. I've kept it to myself for a while, but it's been, what, almost six months since we met, right? I'm comfortable enough with you to admit it now." Bree smiled sweetly and tilted her head to the side. "How 'bout you?"

"You are making assumptions with minimal evidence," Morrigan growled, her frustration returned in full-force. "I have no intention of…" She shook her head firmly. "With you."

"Damn," Bree sighed. She shrugged her shoulders and flopped onto the ground so that her head was resting comfortably in Morrigan's lap. She ignored Morrigan's hiss of distaste and simply closed her eyes. "I think we'd be good together," Bree said, then opened one eye to inspect Morrigan's reaction. Morrigan was staring down at Bree with her gold eyes wide with surprise, her shapely lips open just barely as though she were about to speak but unable to form coherent words. Bree smiled as she wondered how Morrigan would react to Bree dragging her head down into a kiss.

"Will you please get off of me?" Morrigan finally said, though she made no move to force the matter.

"We could always just try it," Bree offered without bothering to follow instructions. "If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work."

"What is 'it'?" Morrigan snapped, disgruntled, and her eyes narrowed into wolf-like slits that sent an eager shiver through Bree. "You are being uncustomarily evasive."

"I dunno," Bree admitted truthfully. "Whatever happens. I'd definitely like to kiss you again. After that, well, we'll see."

" 'Tis hardly an answer," Morrigan grumbled.

"Yep," Bree agreed cheerily. "Whaddya say?"

Morrigan sighed heavily but ran a hand through Bree's hair. Bree flicked her eyes upwards, but Morrigan was staring thoughtfully into the distance. She did not seem to even realize what she was doing. Bree smiled and closed her eyes again, reveling in the unexpected massage.

"I shall think on it," Morrigan eventually said, clearly hesitant, "but do not expect the answer you desire."

"Good enough for me," Bree mumbled back. "Don't make me wait too long, though," she added with a smirk. "I've already waited a lot."

" 'Tis hardly my fault," Morrigan retorted.

"Mm. I like to blame you a little, though."

Morrigan grumbled something under her breath and removed her hand from Bree's hair. "I have never been attracted to women," she stated.

"Eh, me neither, really," Bree said casually, "but I'm hardly gonna restrict myself to men just out of habit. Plus, you're gorgeous enough to turn most anyone's eye."

"If you were anyone else, I would accuse you of being shallow," Morrigan retorted. She looked down at Bree with a challenging gaze. "You, however, must have more reasons for choosing me to chase with this desperate infatuation."

"Of course," Bree agreed, distinctly flattered by Morrigan's analysis. "Leliana's pretty, for example, but I hate her. So much. She's so damn annoying that I don't get how she can even stand herself. You, on the other hand…" Bree quirked a smile as she gazed up at the sorceress. "I respect you. I like you. I like looking at you, sure, but I like talking to you even more—we went over all this the last time we visited Redcliffe, right?"

Morrigan paused, and then her eyes widened. " 'Tis true," she realized in a murmur. "Hm."

"And, maybe it's a bit cliché," Bree continued cheekily, "but sharing the essence of my magic with another person's is probably more intimate than anything I've ever done." Hit with a playful whim, Bree raised a hand to poke Morrigan's cheek with an index finger before laying her arm back across her stomach. Morrigan glared. "I wish I remembered it," Bree stated regretfully, and she summoned a string of electricity to dance across her fingers. She gazed at the beautiful light, enthralled by the slight crackling and tingles that she could somehow feel in the tips of her fingers. "I don't play music for this," Bree murmured, and Morrigan stared at the lightning flickering within Bree's gloved hand. "I just… feel it, and I know that I need to cast it. I feel it, Morrigan," she breathed contentedly. "It's like… nothing I've ever known, and it's… beautiful. I love your magic, and I think I would've loved exploring its very essence…"

"I…" Morrigan hesitated, so Bree blinked up at her curiously. "You are… strange," was the only thing that Morrigan decided to say.

"I'll return the compliment," Bree laughed. She dissipated the lightning and smiled lightly back up at Morrigan. "Maybe that's why we like each other so much."

"I said nothing of the sort."

"True."

When Morrigan only turned her thoughtful gaze into the distance again. Bree closed her eyes and settled in for a nap. She could not help a pleased smile, though, when she felt Morrigan's hand aimlessly run through her hair again. This, right here, was a lovely moment that Bree did not want to end.

A strange thought flitted through Bree's head as she relaxed: I don't want the blight to end. Bree nearly opened her eyes at the realization, but she pushed away her initial panic and reevaluated her wording. I don't want this group to break apart, was her edited determination. Other than Alistair, Wynne, and Leliana, she added as a caveat. Bree knew that Morrigan, Luka, and all her other friends were only traveling together because of the blight. She knew that they would split apart shortly after the Archdemon was defeated and Ferelden's politics were resolved. Sten would assuredly return to Seheron, and the others would have their own goals.

Bree, however, did not know what she wanted to do after the blight was resolved. She had absolutely no intention of living as a Warden for any longer than she had to, but she did not think she could return to her family, to travel and sing as though nothing had happened. She had gotten a taste for adventure, for leadership, for blood, and she did not want to relinquish any of those. Most importantly, however, Bree did not want to relinquish Luka. Luka and Morrigan. She loved them both dearly—in different ways, of course—and she wanted them beside her.

Wait.

Love?

Bree tried not to squirm in Morrigan's lap while she shied away from the new thought that had entered her mind: If I love both Luka and Morrigan dearly, does that mean... I love Morrigan?

Luka was easy. Bree loved him like family, like a brother. She trusted him with her life, and he reciprocated. She wanted to talk to him, to be with him, to help him as she could, and he reciprocated. That was fine. Bree had always had family. This, she understood.

Do I love Morrigan?

That, right there, was the odd part of the thought. Bree did not think of Morrigan as family. In fact, she had just minutes ago said as much. However, here Bree was, grouping Morrigan in with Luka. Perhaps she was simply overthinking this, a mental slip of the tongue, but Bree's mind refused to dismiss it as such.

Bree liked Morrigan. Bree was friends with Morrigan. Bree was attracted to Morrigan. Like Zevran.

And yet, it was different with Morrigan. There was something else, something Bree could not identify, and her thoughts returned to that original impulse: Love?

There was that word again: love. Bree could not define that, not like this. She understood the love of family, of friends, but not romance. She could define passion, lust, attraction, yet that was insufficient. There was a desire for permanence, for exclusivity, that went with all of this. Permanence. Perhaps that was the confusing part.

Bree was unused to permanence. She had explained this to Morrigan months ago, and it still held true. Family was permanent, the only thing that was permanent. Everything else was fleeting. Luka was family, so she wanted to stay with him permanently after the blight. Morrigan was not family, yet she was also not fleeting.

Friendship, attraction, and the desire for permanence. Did these constitute love? If so, did she love Morrigan? If so, was that a bad thing?

Bree squeezed her eyes together tightly and tried not to clench her jaw. She mentally shook her head, disrupting those strange thoughts and focusing on the present. Right now, she was safe inside a clean building—one filled with Chantry faithful and sniveling mourners, true—and all of her friends were likewise. Bree was snuggled quite comfortably against Morrigan, who was giving Bree a relaxing head massage. The hubbub of the Chantry, the wrath of the blight, the circumstances of this town, all of those could be ignored for the sake of enjoying this moment.

Thus, Bree decided to stop thinking and simply enjoy this moment that she did not want to end.