Still Struggling
"They're quacking!" Sofia giggled excitedly, holding Punk's hand as she stood looking on at the ducks which had swam over to them once they realised they were sharing some food with them, "They're funny." Sofia chuckled, crouching down as Punk crouched down with her.
"Man, there's tons." Punk nodded, "Look at their orange beaks." He pointed out as Sofia looked closely.
"I want a pet duck, papa." Sofia told him, holding onto his shoulder.
"Well you gotta ask mommy and daddy." Punk nodded.
"I will." Sofia smiled.
"We can't have a duck." James turned his little sister, "Ducks are for the water, Sofia." He explained with authority.
"No I want to have one in my house." Sofia looked at James, "And I can play with him. And he can come into my bed." She smiled.
"Mommy will say no." James said.
"I'll ask daddy." She grinned to herself. She knew her father very rarely told her no.
"What would you call it?" Punk asked out of curiosity.
"Umm…" Sofia thought to herself, "Quackers." She smiled, "Like crackers but not really." She said as Punk chuckled and nodded.
"That's good. That's a good name for a duck." Punk nodded, impressed, "Here's some more bread to throw in." He gave them both some pieces of bread to throw to the ducks.
"Maybe I could just take one of these ducks." Sofia whispered to herself as Punk smiled.
As he got older, he really managed to take joy out of the simpler things in life. Things like taking his grandchildren to the docks. Spending time with his wife in the fresh air. Things which fulfilled him more than he ever thought they could. He took pride in his family that he and his wife had built, and even when things sucked, they found the good in it somehow.
"How come kids love him?" Cassie asked, standing with AJ a little further back.
"I don't know. He just… has a knack for it." AJ nodded, "He's always been like that. Even with you girls. I was always the… boring, serious parent and he was the fun one." She smiled a little.
"You weren't boring." Cassie said, "You both have your own special qualities." She nodded.
"Yeah, I guess you missed out on things like this with him. Jude and Thea didn't." AJ realised as Cassie nodded.
"Yeah, we all… missed something from him, I guess." Cassie nodded, "So… where did Thea actually go?"
"She went back to Milwaukee with Dominic. Your dad convinced them to go back for a few nights. Take some time to themselves and clear their heads. I think you all need your own space before you guys talk again. Cool off a bit." AJ nodded.
"Have you heard from Jude?" Cassie asked. She did feel a divide between her and her sisters, and she didn't like it one bit.
"Yeah, just a text this morning. She said she was doing ok, struggling to sleep but Sean has taken time off work so… they're getting by." AJ nodded.
"I didn't think I could do it." Cassie shook her head, "When I pulled up and I saw he had a gun, and he had Jude… I thought, there is no way I can ever do this as a cop."
"It's different, though. That was your sister." AJ said.
"Yeah, I know." Cassie said, "I was so scared." She shook her head.
"Me too." AJ nodded.
"I will apologise to Thea." Cassie nodded as AJ turned to her, "It wasn't my business to tell everyone she'd had an abortion. I didn't even mean it to be like a shame thing because… there is no shame in it. It was obviously her choice." She said, "I just got mad and… I guess I wanted her to hurt like I wasn't." She shrugged.
"How did you find out from Sam?" AJ asked curiously.
"I met her one night on my way home from the station. She was… drunk, falling all over the place so I put her in the car and took her home. She started talking about all kinds of nonsense and then she… brought up the abortion." Cassie said, "I never brought it up with Thea because… well like I said, it's not my business."
"It's not anyone's." AJ nodded, "I know you're still upset with her about all of this stuff that happened. But… she really couldn't have done anything to stop it. And saying that she shouldn't have gotten involved with people like that when she was young isn't gonna help you move on." She said, "She was in a real bad place back then. Real bad." She nodded, "She would… leave and not come back home for a few days. She was hospitalized often. It was like she… wasn't even Thea anymore. Like there was no human being inside her." She shook her head.
"I guess you were the only one who really saw her like that." Cassie nodded.
"Yeah." AJ nodded, "Well… me, Dean and Sam." She said, "My point is, she would never have meant for any of this to happen. You girls are way too close to be fighting over something like this." She said.
"Yeah, I know." Cassie said, "I think I'm just angry and upset about Theo that I… I needed someone to blame quickly." She said as AJ nodded, "I still think Thea should have been here, though. Just to warn us about who this person was and why they were harassing her. I feel like she just sort of… abandoned us and left us to deal with it."
"And I can see why you'd think that." AJ understood. It was always hard as a mom to stay neutral, but in this case she definitely could see where Cassie was coming from, and also where Thea was coming from.
"We'll talk about it all in a couple days." Cassie nodded.
"Yeah… life is too short." AJ nodded to her, "I should take a picture and send it to Thea." AJ said, getting her phone out and snapping a picture of Punk with Sofia and James feeding the ducks.
"My mom and dad took the kids to feed the ducks." Thea smiled, walking into the living room, showing Dominic the pictures AJ had sent her, sitting down beside him.
"Sofia always looks like she's had too much sugar or something." Dominic shook his head as Thea chuckled.
"Yeah, my dad calls that the Thea effect." Thea nodded as Dominic smiled.
"Looks like they're having fun." Dominic smiled happily as Thea nodded.
"Yeah, it does." Thea nodded, taking the phone from him and sitting it over, "What do we even do now? Are we… supposed to move back to Chicago?" She asked as he leaned his head back on the couch.
"Do you wanna move back to Chicago?" He asked her.
"Yeah." Thea nodded, "I miss my family. Everything is weird here." Thea shook her head as Dominic laughed a little.
"It's not weird. It's just different." Dominic nodded.
"Different is weird to me." Thea said, "It's hard to feel like they want me to move back right now, though." She admitted.
"Of course they do." Dominic said, "You gotta get this idea out of your head that they all hate you." He said, "Cassie was just upset. What she said… she didn't mean. You guys will be back to normal in no time." He said.
"I thought they would all have more to say when they found out about the abortion." She said, "My dad never even said anything." She thought to herself.
"Because it's not something they get to have an opinion on, unfortunately. As horrible as that sounds." Dominic said, "It was your decision. Your choice." He said, "It's not like your parents are dictators. They'll just be glad you're safe and healthy."
"Yeah, I know." Thea sighed, "Kinda makes me feel bad about not telling them. I just had it in my head that they would be disappointed and… ashamed or something." She shrugged.
"It's like you don't know your parents at all." Dominic smiled a little.
"I guess when you're young you just freak out more." Thea shrugged, "Although, I still do quite a lot of freaking out, actually." She realised.
"Yeah I think that's normal." Dominic nodded.
"I was gonna drink." She admitted as he turned to her, "The other night, when you came to Chicago. Dean didn't find me in a coffee shop he… found me in a bar." She said as Dominic sat up a little, "I really wanted to." She shook her head, fidgeting with her hands.
"Did you?" Dominic asked worriedly.
"No… no, I… I didn't." Thea said triumphantly, "But I haven't been close to drinking like that in a long time, "I just wish I could deal with things like a normal person." She shook her head with frustration, "I wish that when things get hard I didn't immediately think about drinking and just disappearing." She shook her head, "I hate how much it controls me."
"But… you didn't drink." Dominic made clear as she looked at him, "That means you took the control." He nodded as she looked at him.
"I didn't want to, though." Thea shook her head, "And every time I feel like that I… I feel like a terrible mom. What does that say about me? I have these… amazing kids, a good home, a good job and I still just want to ruin it all?" She shook her head, "Why can't it just go away?" She asked with a deep sigh, looking down as Dominic watched her.
"That's the annoying thing. It doesn't go away." Dominic nodded, "But addiction and what you go through does not determine how good a mom you are. You're an amazing mom. And because you feel down sometimes and you struggle doesn't mean you love the kids any less." He said, "I know that. Your family knows that." He nodded to her.
"Maybe I need to see a therapist or something." She nodded to him, "And I don't mean because I can't talk to you. I can."
"I know." Dominic assured her, "I think that might be a good idea." He said. He knew she was struggling. Not just because of everything that had recently happened, but in everyday life. She did have down days where she found it hard just to get out of bed and put a smile on her face. He didn't want to see his wife like that, and anything that would help her he was behind it one hundred percent.
"I know all of this stuff that has happened isn't helping but… it's like the what if is always there." She shook her head, "What if I go have a drink? What if I just have one? What if I'm not longer an addict and I can handle it?" She scoffed, listening to herself.
"Yeah, I get it." Dominic nodded.
"Yeah, you do." Thea said, taking his hand, leaning her head back on the couch, looking at him as he looked at her.
"We going back to Chicago?" He asked her.
"Yeah." She said, "I wanna be with my sisters." She nodded.
"Ok." Dominic smiled, leaning over and kissing her sweetly as she kissed back.
