Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
~Lily~ Stag and Doe
If you asked Lily how her life was playing out, then she'd answer very simply: 'I don't think I've ever been happier'. She didn't know of course that her life was very soon going to crash and burn around her. But some people say ignorance is bliss and Lily was definitely blissful. She had everything she could've asked for and everything she didn't know she needed.
"Listen to this," James said, ushering her over to him, "'The Patronus Charm acts like a guardian when the Patronus is conjured. Patronuses are completely made of happy and good memories, which unlike humans, do not have any despair for Dementors to feed on. And seeing as all Dementors are under Ministry control, currently guarding Azkaban, then the use of a Patronus Charm may never be needed for defensive purposes. If you'd like to read about the other uses for Patronuses, then turn to Page 283.' Pretty cool, yeah?"
"Yes actually. Professor Fawley never mentioned any other uses for Patronuses. Go on and turn to page 283," Lily said. James kissed her on the top of her head.
"I would but we've got a meeting with the Prefects before Defence. Why don't we just ask Maverick about it in class later?" James offered, closing his book.
"Right, we'd better hurry. We ought not be late to our own meeting," she said. The bustled down the hallways, turning into the Prefect's Room just before anyone else got there. They had barely sat down when someone knocked. James stood up and opened the door to see Amelia Bones standing there.
"Is it alright- er- if I came in," she mumbled. She looked between the Head Boy and Girl embarrassed by their previous encounter.
"Of course, here comes everyone else anyways," Lily said, with a growing blush on her face too. Once everyone was seated, Lily motioned for James to begin the meeting.
"Right so thank you all for coming. It's been a bit over a week since we had our last meeting and we just wanted to hear from you how it has been going," James said with a warm smile.
"Patrolling's been good. Plenty of people locked up in broom cupboards after hours though," Remus said.
"We're just lucky we haven't walked in on James and Lily yet," a 5th Year Prefect said in the back with a smirk. The room laughed and James grinned at Lily.
"Very funny everyone, but James and I aren't frolicking in broom cupboards. We have reputations to uphold and rules to follow," Lily said with a false cheeriness. She didn't like people who didn't know her to comment on their relationship. No one else piped up to speak after the 5th Year, so Lily spoke.
"James and I have, however, been talking to the Headmaster about patrolling. And he agrees with us that we should increase the number of people patrolling each night for safety purposes," Lily said. And the room exploded with noise.
"What!? I've already got O.W.L.'s to worry about. Now this!"
"I'm never going to sleep this year!"
"This isn't fair!"
"I didn't sign up for this!"
"C'mon, McGonagoll's already hounding me for being late on homework. I'll never have any time now!"
"Shut up everyone!" James yelled, "Haven't you realized that we have got to stick together? We've got to keep people safe before it's too late. Haven't you all been reading the Prophet? People are dying every single day. And if you can't wrap your heads around that and suck up an extra hour of patrolling then turn in your badge!" The room turned dead silent after that.
"The world... well it isn't a game out there," James added, much more calmly. Again, the silence fell, but Lily couldn't handle waiting for another outburst or more unbearable silence.
"I have a pile of the Patrolling Timetable over on the table for you all. Then you all can go," Lily said to the group. Everyone bustled over to grab thr parchment before leaving. Remus hovered around the doorway, searching for Lily's eyes. She gave Remus a look to say 'I got this one' and he nodded before leaving.
"You okay?" Lily asked. James looked at her and took her hand in his.
"It's a lot of pressure. I've got to be Head Boy when nobody wants to listen to me. I'm the Captain for Quidditch, but no one can seem to get any of our plays right. Me included. I've got a load of NEWT level classes to study for, but I just can't find the time or willpower. Every morning I read the damned Daily Prophet and just read these names in the obituary section of so many people I know- knew. Tortures and murders and horrible attacks all the time from people who hate people like you or Moony. Then I see you standing next to me, holding my hand and my heart sinks," James said, sounding depressed. Lily's heart sank too as he said that.
"My heart sinks so damn far, because I want a future with you. Even just now, some days I just want to stay in our rooms. Let go of our responsibilities for a day and just be kids. I want to pull pranks with the boys and go on real dates with you. I just want things to be okay," James said. His voice reminded Lily of that of a small child. James leant his head on Lily's shoulder and Lily pulled him closer, silently thanking him for just existing. Simply for being.
"I- I wish things were okay too. I want us to have a future too. And we will James Potter. It's you and me, right? I'll fight every last Death Eater to make sure of it. Every person who has an issue with werewolves, or Muggles, or Blood Traitors," Lily told him. He lifted his head up, blinked away his tears, and smiled at her.
"And James," she said.
"Yeah?"
"If your classes are too much on you, then you can drop some of them. It isn't like you'll need them after we graduate," Lily told him, "Y'know to take away some of the pressure."
"Maybe," James said with a noncommittal shrug. "Y'know you could use your own advice too. You've got Head Girl, NEWTs, President of the Charms Club, and all the purists are beings arses to you. It's- you've got a lot going on too."
"I know, but you and the girls and the other Marauders make it all better. And James, we better get to Defence before we are too late. I'm sure Fawley won't dock points yet," Lily said standing up.
"D'you think we'll be alright?" James asked, "After the war and all?"
"As in still alive or still together?" said Lily.
"Both."
"Wherever or however we end up, I know we'll be there together," Lily told him, squeezing his hand. "Now we have to go to Defence Against the Dark Arts together, yeah?"
"Yeah let's go," James said, not looking so sad anymore.
"Sorry we're late Professor. James and I had some Head duties to finish discussing," Lily said as they entered the classroom. There were a few snickers after Lily spoke, but she didn't care. She shot James a wink, trying to get him to smile at her, and it worked.
"That's alright, but please do take your seats. We are practicing Patronuses again today," Professor Fawley said. Louise Clagg, a Ravenclaw in their year, almost swooned at their teacher. And Louise wasn't the type of girl who'd usually go about fancying a teacher, but Lily had to admit that Professor Fawley was very handsome. He had rugged dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He had a thin long scar down the left side of his face, emphasizing his jaw bone. So yes, Lily knew her teacher was handsome, but in her eyes there wasn't anyone better than James. James... he was devilishly handsome himself. He was tall and strong with unruly jet-black hair, fiery hazel eyes, and a crooked grin that warmed her heart. She smiled to herself as she stared at James. He was so much more than looks though. He was brave (borderline stupid) when it came to someone he cares about. He's incredibly smart and funny. He gives the warmest hugs and says the sweetest things. He made her heart flutter every time he enters the room.
"Miss Evans?" Professor Fawley said to her. The class stared at her and a blush rose to her cheeks, a blush that had nothing to do with her teacher. "Did you hear what I said?"
"No, sorry Professor. What is it?" she replied.
"Could you demonstrate your Patronus for us?" he asked her again. She nodded quickly and took out her wand. She snuck another glance at James, who was grinning his grin, and she was filled with the happiness she needed for the charm.
"Expecto Patronum!" she shouted. Thoughts of James swirled in her head and heart as her silvery doe emerged from the tip of her wand. It pranced around the room with incredible grace before dispersing.
"Very good," Professor Fawley said with an applause. "Everyone if you want to produce a full bodied, otherwise known as a corporeal Patronus, then you must push all other bad memories out." Everyone began saying the incantation over and over. Lily watched James, his silvery wisps coming together and forming a large indistinct shape. She saw pure joy appear on his face even after the shape fell apart after only a few seconds. She rushed over to him.
"James! You did it!" she said.
"Yeah I- what d'you think mine is? I couldn't tell completely but it looked pretty big," he said excited. Sirius was next to him, practicing the charm himself.
"I dunno, keep trying it," Lily encouraged. She left James at his desk to concentrate and she approached their teacher who was surveying the room with pride on his face.
"'scuse me sir," Lily said.
"What can I do for you?" Professor Fawley asked.
"James and I were flipping through the book you lent him and we came across a part where it mentioned multiple uses for Patronuses. What are those other uses exactly?" Lily asked.
"Yes it's quite an interesting concept. Y'see besides warding off Dementors, Flavius Belby discovered that the charm wards off Lethifolds as well," he began.
"Lethifolds, sir?" Lily asked. She had never heard of such a creature.
"Oh they are rotten beasts. Cloaked like dementors, but they suffocate the victim and digest it. Nasty things, but rare so you'll never have to worry about them. As for another use of Patronuses would be to send messages," Fawley said, lowering his voice, "It's even harder and more complicated than conjuring a Patronus itself. I've never done it myself, just heard rumors. Rumors concerning the ways certain groups send messages so no one dabbling in the Dark Arts can intercept it."
"Why couldn't a Dark Wizard intercept it?" Lily asked.
"Patronuses, well they can't be conjured by anyone that isn't pure of heart. You need some sort of pureness and goodness in you for even the smallest wisp of a Patronus to manifest," her teacher explained.
"Do you know anyone who can use them for messages?" Lily asked, "Even just from a rumor."
After a moments thought, Fawley looked at her and spoke quietly again, "Try the Headmaster. There isn't anyone else more likely to be able to do it. But don't get discouraged if you can't do it, because as I said it's even more complicated than conjuring a Patronus in the first place."
"Right, well thank you sir," Lily said with a smile.
"Anytime, but you can call me Maverick. James does anyways-" Maverick began.
"Lily!" Sirius shouted, "Come here." Lily turned around and watched James' Patronus circle the room. It was a large, muscular, animal made of the silvery essence of the charm. Antlers protruded from it's head as it trotted around the room. Lily took out her wand and whispered the words, "Expecto Patronum."
She was so overjoyed just looking at James' Patronus that she hardly put any effort into her own, but it still emerged from her wand. Her doe found James' stag in the centre of the room. The two Patronuses nuzzled each other before fading away. Lily stood in awe. She found James' hazel eyes and beamed at him.
"Stag and doe," he whispered as he pulled her into a hug. His warm arms enclosed around her waist and Lily placed her arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. A brief kiss, seeing as they were in class, but it conveyed every emotion she was feeling. Sirius let out a long whistle with a smirk on his face.
"Mature, Padfoot, very mature," Remus scolded playfully. James and Lily laughed, still caught up in their happiness. But someone in the room wasn't happy. Someone's beedy black eyes were squinted and their jaw clenched and their thin lips turned in a sneer. Lily didn't see that someone, who had hurt and anger playing out on their face. And she didn't see the anger win...
~James~ Words
"Ready for patrols?" James asked his girlfriend.
"Double patrols tonight which is just great," Lily said sarcastically, "because it isn't like we have a two foot essay due tomorrow on the Protean Charm or have to review for an exam on the 5 Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. And Professor Sprout says we're starting a new unit on the Whomping Willow. And Binns! Don't get me started on Binns! We've got-"
"I won't, but why don't you sit this patrol out, yeah? We've been patrolling every night and doing Double Patrols every other night and you look like you are dead on your feet- absolutely gorgeous- but exhausted," James tells her. She did look very tired and stressed.
"I can't skip patrolling. I'm Head Girl, I have to go. Otherwise the Prefects will think I'm not good enough or that they can just skip too!" Lily told him.
"The Prefects won't be skipping out and they aren't patrolling half as many nights as we are. They know that you are exhausted. We are Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test students after all," James reminded her with a grin. "Skip this one for me, okay? I'll be fine on my own for a bit. Nothing is going to happen anyway."
"Why do I have a feeling those are famous last words," Lily told him.
"Rubbish," he said with a grin.
"In movies, when people say stuff like that, something always happens to that person. Especially alone at night in an ancient castle with ghosts," Lily said with a small smile.
"I'll be okay. Now you stay here and sleep or catch up on your 2 foot Charms essay. If you want I can nick one of Madam Pomfrey's Sleeping Potions?" James said. Lily frowned at him. "Fine no nicking it is, but please try and sleep."
"Yeah alright, but wake me up when you get back, okay?" Lily tells him. James looks at her a moment, her tired exhausted overworked face, and knows he won't be waking her up in the middle of the night.
"Sure," he said regardless of his intentions, "See you later."
"Bye," Lily said. He knew she needed it.
Patrols were always boring. Double Patrols were even worse, especially because it had been Lily and his idea to have them in the first place. But he always had Lily to laugh at his stupid jokes or kiss him when no one was looking and instantly his night was ten times better. But tonight, Lily was sleeping so he was alone. He was surprised he even managed to get her to agree to stay back, but he was glad it worked. She was too stubborn to admit she needed the rest.
His thoughts were interrupted by a faint giggling noise coming from down the hall. The noise grew louder as he neared a broom cupboard. James groaned, he hated breaking up couples in broom cupboards. It sucked and seemed invasive. But James was Head Boy and he had a job to do, so he braved ahead and turned the knob on the cupboard. Locked and suddenly silent.
"Alohomora," James said, unlocking it. He swung the door open to see nothing. No people, no couples, no source of giggling. James frowned. "Who's there?"
"Oh it's just Prongs," a voice said sounding relieved. The Marauders threw the Invisibility Cloak off from over them and came out of the broom cupboard together. There they were: Remus, Peter, and Sirius.
"Oh good," Sirius agreed, "Well we'll be on our way now."
"What are you guys doing?" James asked. Where were they going and why was Remus not stopping them?
"Oh we need to pick up some Butterbeer because this cool 6th year was showing us how to play a Muggle drinking game. Beer Pong it's called. So we'll be off," Sirius said, "Later Prongs."
"Wait. You guys can't go off to Hogsmeade," James said.
"Why not?"
"It's against the rules and it's after curfew and you can't be drinking tonight. I can't just knowingly let you go. I'm Head Boy," James told them. He stared at his friends who just didn't seem to understand the responsibilities that Dumbledore entrusted him with. They weren't little kids anymore.
"Right, well Prongs, I'm glad you got your little speech done and all. So now your conscious is clear and we should really get going before Rosmerta leaves for the night," Sirius said, turning to go. James grabbed his shoulder.
"Didn't you hear me, you are not leaving the castle. You are not getting alcohol to play drinking games with and you are not going to break your curfew any more. You all should head back to Gryffindor Tower," James said sternly. Sirius let out a callous laugh.
"What makes you think I'm going to listen to you," Sirius asked.
"I'm Head Boy," James reminded him again.
"Right, because that stopped the lot of us so much in the past. I remember a time where our dearest Head Boy James was telling off Edgar Bones and laughing at the mere prospect off becoming a Head Boy to Millie Thompson. But here we are and I don't plan on letting it get in my way," Sirius said. His lips turned in a thin sneer.
"Times have changed and I grew up. I suggest you do the same," James said, gritting his teeth.
"You matured, is that it? Nothing to do with Lily of course. Because it isn't like you spend every minute of every day with her anyways," Sirius said with a scoff. That's when it hit James.
"That's what this is about!? It's about me having a girlfriend and wanting to spend time with her?"
"Yeah maybe it is. Maybe you forgot about us, your supposed mates. You left us in a second and the small times you are with us all you do is go on and on about your beautiful girlfriend. The love of your life. Apple of your eye. Lily 'I can do no wrong' Evans."
"Leave her out of this! You know what she means to me, and she isn't the problem. She was all of our friend for a year before me and her started dating. Your issue is with me! So have it out. Go on," James encouraged. He wouldn't stand Sirius bashing Lily. Not when he knows Sirius loves having Lily as a friend. Not when Sirius' issue was with James.
"Fine! Before a few weeks ago when Lily had a sudden lapse in judgement and started dating you, you were constantly thinking you had such catastrophic issues, because one girl wouldn't kiss your feet! When the rest of us have real issues! Real problems, but we shut up and let you ramble about your feelings. But now, now you've got everything," Sirius yelled. Remus and Peter looked worried in the background at the face-off between the two boys. Both of which had drawn their wands as a precautionary measure.
"We do the same things, you and I. We are both top of the class. Both Purebloods. Both star Quidditch players. Both have girls chasing after us. That should make us equals, but I'm the pariah! I'm the messed up one. I've got the shotty family! I've got the scars from being tortured and starved! I'm burnt off my own bleeding family tree! I'm the one with a broken heart that's been beaten over and over! I'm the one you all abandoned in 4th year! But you have everything in your life perfect! The family, the grades, the girlfriend, the Quidditch offer, the bloody Head Boy position. Not me though," Sirius told him off. James heard the words and hated them. He hated whatever truth Sirius was shouting.
"I didn't choose my life. I didn't choose any of it. Except I chose you all as friends. I've tried to help you all. What more could I do!" James demanded. Sirius scoffed.
"Right I forgot we were your little charity cases," Sirius sneered.
"You aren't my charity cases! The hell is that even supposed to mean? We're mates so get over yourself!" James said.
"Get over myself? That's what you think I should do? Just forget the torture, forget the pain. Forget my Slytherin brother who is becoming a damned Death Eater! Forget about my cousins and parents that plague my dreams every night! Well I can't. I can't just have everything I want, but that is probably a concept you aren't familiar with, isn't it!" Sirius shouted.
"You shut up!" James yelled back. He raised his wand higher, pointing it at his friend, but Sirius only smirked.
"You going to hex me? Is that it? Have I said something ickle James doesn't like? Has something not gone your way?" Sirius taunted.
"This conversation is done with. Head back to your dormitory now!" James told them. But his anger was strictly directed at Sirius. Remus and Peter ad done nothing wrong.
"No detentions to dish out?" Sirius asked with another cold smirk, "No house points to deduct? Not going to report me to dear Minnie, are we?"
"Return to your dorm and if you'd like a detention then I can arrange that," James said with a steely demeanor. He turned to Peter, who held his Invisibility Cloak, "Give it back to me... You all had no right to break into my room." Peter handed the Cloak over and no one said another word. Sirius smirked and started walking back towards Gryffindor Tower.
Just as Sirius was about to turn the corner he shouted, "I think Mr. Head Boy has let power go to his head!" Peter began walking after Sirius and Remus began too, but James called Remus back.
"Remus wait a minute," James said. Remus didn't say anything, but walked back to James. "Is that really what you guys think of me? That- that I treat you all like charity cases? And only care about Lily?" James felt weak as he spoke. Desperate even.
"Prongs we know you care about us all. And we know how much Lily means to you. Obviously your time is limited now with everything you've got going on, and Peter and I don't have an issue with you over that," Remus said carefully.
"You didn't answer the other question," James said quietly.
"Well, you've got to admit that you have a bit of a- well a fixing people complex," Remus replied, "It isn't a bad thing and we all know you mean well and that's just who you are."
"A fixing people complex," James repeated, "What's so wrong with wanting to help people? Sirius was saying how I only care about myself than saying I make you guys into charity cases. What's that supposed to mean? Do you all think that I'm only your friend to make myself feel good?"
"No, no of course we don't. Padfoot doesn't either. I don't know what's up with him," Remus said with a shrug.
"Yeah whatever. I've got rounds to finish. I'll see you," James said, brushing Remus off. He turned and continued down the hall, hating every single word Sirius said. And they all think he's got a 'fixing people complex' and James didn't see the issue. He just wanted to talk to Lily about it all, or maybe just have her hug him. Anything really.
As James finished his rounds he passed a window revealing the night sky. He looked at the visibility of the stars and the moon. The moon was was nearing being full and James' heart lurched. The full moon is in three days... How could he and Sirius work together to keep Remus under control when they weren't on good terms. James remembered back to certain full moon nights where Remus had been especially rowdy and they almost lost control of him. He knew that they couldn't let Remus get out of control. James and Sirius would have to work together. James hurried away from the window and to the tapestry.
"Treacle Tart," he said. He went through the door. He wanted to tell Lily about what had happened with Sirius, and she wanted him to wake her up, but she really needed to sleep. And so did he. He told himself he'd talk to her in the morning. When he, hopefully, would be a bit less angry about the whole encounter.
"James," a voice said, "James wake up, you big prat." James' eyes fluttered open. Getting a blurry glimpse of Lily's emerald green eyes that peered down over him. She had her hand on his chest, gently pushing him awake.
"Me? A prat? Why would you ever say such a thing?" James said groggily. He reached for his glasses, pushing them onto his nose, and clearly viewed a much less tired Lily Evans.
"That's because you are one, love. You were supposed to wake me up last night," she said lightheartedly.
"I didn't want to burden you with my woes," James replied, his smile falling as he remembered his encounter. Lily's face fell too, watching him looking more and more distressed.
"What happened?" she asked. She took his hand in hers, waiting for the details.
"Sirius and I had a row last night," James began. Lily looked at him expectantly, "I found them all holed up in a broom cupboard, hiding under my Invisibility Cloak which they stole from my room. They were heading over to Hogsmeade to get alcohol for a game. Maybe back in 5th year I wouldn't've minded, but this year I do. I'm Head Boy and things are dangerous out there. Sirius thought I was joking when I said they couldn't go. Then he got mad when I said I was serious. He said I changed and I said he should try growing up too. Then he somehow got mad that I spend so much time with you. Because that's really absurd, spending time with your girlfriend, classmate, and fellow Head Student. The audacity that I have!" His voice dripped with sarcasm and bitterness.
"What happened next?" Lily asked cautiously. He could tell she wasn't sure if she'd like what she heard.
"I told him to leave you out of it. You're his friend as well as my girlfriend and you did absolutely nothing wrong. He went off about how I know nothing about the issues that him, Remus, and Peter face. He was saying I would pout over you not liking me, but when we started dating it made my entire life perfect. He said that me and him did all the same things, but he still ends up the pariah. With his family and dating history. He said I make him and Remus and Peter out to be charity cases. I told him to get over himself, that they were my friends, of course I try to help them out. He said he couldn't forget his scars or broken heart or Death Eater family and all that. He accused me of not being able to handle not having everything I want. I told him to shut up and leave. He taunted me and went on about my 'perfect' life before he left." His voice cracked when he said that part. It just felt so wrong.
"I asked Remus if he reckoned that Sirius was right. About the whole me treating them like charity. And- and he said I've got a fixing people complex'." James ran a hand wildly through his hair.
"Oh James. I'm sure Sirius doesn't really think that of you. You are their friend, and you help them, that's what I love about you. You love your friends and hate seeing people in pain. Helping people isn't a bad thing, James," she reassured.
"I know, but he made me feel bad about it. He's my best friend and obviously he thinks that I have problems that I need to fix," James said, mussing up his hair.
"Y'know I reckon Remus was right about you. You do have a fixing people complex," Lily said grinning at James, "And if I know anything after hanging 'round with the Marauders then I know that you guys will make up, because you will fix it. You're the glue."
"I dunno, this time was different. He came after me when I didn't do anything to provoke him," James said. He let out a deep breath. "But we should probably get going, shouldn't we?" Lily nodded.
News that James and Sirius were fighting became common knowledge by noon. The Hogwarts gossip mill was working overtime, circulating numerous rumors about the spat between the two best friends. Most of the rumors centred around Lily. That Sirius had slept with Lily or snogged her or even got into a duel with her. All of them were absolutely bollocks. Students who had been around for a few years knew that this wasn't the first time a major argument wreaked havoc on the Marauders. The first time was in fourth year, when Sirius set Snape up to be attacked by Remus as a werewolf, thereby almost making Remus a killer and almost getting Remus' secret out. Eventually, however, the boys made up. It took time, but they did, and no one except the staff, the Marauders, and Snape knew what happened. This time, a whole three years later the argument is a whole lot more complicated. Remus and Peter were split between the two sides. In fourth year James' side was the obvious right side, but now Sirius only had an issue with James and nothing against the Remus nor Peter. The 7th year Gryffindor girls were fully backing James, mostly because of Lily, since they didn't even know the full extent of the argument. During meals, James sat with the girls and when Remus came over to speak with James, James politely told Remus that he could sit with Sirius without feeling guilty. During classes, Sirius moved his seat away from James and closer to Peter. Sirius wouldn't even look James in the eyes, a large change from the taunts James recieved the night before. And Lily was doing her best to help him forget about it all, but James couldn't. He wasn't sure what was going through Sirius' head. Jealousy perhaps, but he didn't know. He needed to speak with Sirius, but Sirius disappeared quickly after class and went straight up into the dorms.
The next day during Defence Against the Darks Arts, Sirius sucessfully conjured his Patronus. It was the Grim, a large shaggy haired black dog. Same as his Animagus. James read in 'Arnold Harlock's Theory on Patronuses and Souls' that Patronuses of tend to take the same shape as the caster's Animagus form. So James wasn't surprised. He was surprised however, when 5 Galleons showed up beneath his pillow that night with a brief note scratched out in familiar handwriting. The note read: Rule 20.
James racked his memory. Rule 20: A Marauder keeps his promises. Then it hit James. He and Sirius made a bet about their Patronuses and today Sirius fufilled it even though they weren't speaking. He almost began to smile when a incessant pecking began to hit his window. James looked up and saw his mother's owl waiting with a letter in it's beak. He opened the window, letting the bird inside and reaching for his supply of carrots for the owl to snack on after it's journey.
James Fleamont Potter,
What is this that Remus is telling me about the two of you? Why on Earth would you be fighting? You're as good as brothers after all! I want this all sorted out before you both come home for Christmas, preferably sooner than that, but I assume whatever it is it must mean a great deal to you both. And if whatever you are fighting over does not mean anything to you, then fix it immediately. The world is too dark of a place for such a wonderful friendship to die off. You both need all the support you can get and Sirius needs it even more so.
Anyways, I hope all is well with you as Head Boy. Remus also mentioned that Lily is now your girlfriend as well as Head Girl. So to that I say it is about time and you mustn't go messing things up with her. She is probably the best girl you'll ever meet and don't let your hot head get in the way of your heart! Hopefully Lily will keep you on track in school and as Head Boy. I'd hate for you to be the first Head Boy ever to lose his badge!
Lots of love,
Mum
P.S. Your father wants me to tell you to bring Lily around for Christmas again this year
James smiled at his mother's letter. He could almost hear her voice saying the words. But this was much better than actually hearing her voice in the words, such as in a Howler. He thought over what she had written and it occurred to him that the only thing James was mad at Sirius at was the fact Sirius was mad at him. Which, in his mother's words, doesn't mean a great deal to him. James figured that he should attempt to reconcile with Sirius by putting his pride aside and apologising. James wasn't even completely sure what he was apologising for but just that it was something he needed to do. Wow, James thought, Lily must really be rubbing off on me.
The Full Moon was tomorrow night and James was running out of time to get their relationship back onto speaking terms. He was exiting his dormitory when he quite literally ran into Lily. She gasped in surprise.
"I was just looking for you," she beamed. And James would never get tired of seeing that smile or hearing that voice. His smile reflected hers.
"And why is that, my love?" James asked.
"Does a girl need a reason to see her boyfriend?" Lily questioned.
"'Course not," he said.
"Where were you going anyways?" she asked.
"Over to the Marauder's dorm," he said, his smile falling.
"Y'know you're still a Marauder yourself. Don't let being Head Boy change that part of you completely," Lily said with a sad smile.
"I won't, but it just doesn't feel right to call it my dormitory anymore. Not when I stay here and Sirius to so mad at me," James replied, not smiling at all.
"Well go on then. Go apologise and don't mess it up, would you?" Lily teased.
"Never. James Potter doesn't mess up," James said with a wink. It was a much different dynamic than the one he had shared with Lily 2 years ago. Then she would've berated him for being so narcissistic, but now James only joked about his ego.
"Right," Lily said.
"Wish me luck," he said. She smiled at him.
"Good luck. I'm going to go hang out with the girls. Meet you here for patrols later?" Lily said.
"Yeah, have fun," he replied, before leaving out from the tapestry. His heart began to beat faster as he drew closer to the Gryffindor Common Room. He walked up to the Fat Lady, almost completely forgetting the Gryffindor Password. But thankfully, he remembered.
"Sano," he said. The door swung open and James saw the familiar buzzing Common Room. He saw Mary and Marlene coming straight towards him, probably going to see Lily.
"Hello ladies," James said with a friendly smile.
"James," Marlene said pleasantly. She passed by him, but Mary caught his arm.
"Look I know you are mad at me, but you've got to hear me out," Mary pleaded. "So listen-"
"Mad at you? Perish the thought. You've nothing but kind to me as my friends and I are well at-"
"A hiatus," she offered.
"I was going to say at odds, but that works too. Anyways, why would I be mad?"
"Well I just figured you were mad since I didn't join the Order," Mary said in hushed tones. She fidgeted as if the topic made her uncomfortable. James raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"I'm not mad about the Order. You had a choice and not joining was a liberty you used," James assured her.
"Really? I just thought you all thought I was a coward. I just couldn't join a war where I'll be knowingly putting myself in danger when I've already been targeted a bunch at school. But that's besides the point. So anyways, I've been talking to Sirius and he's going through a tough time. He really needs you back, but he'll never admit it. Marlene, you, and Lily are all unaccessible to him as friends and- well the three of you might be the only ones who can help him," Mary said, brushing James' arm. "So just don't be all prideful and stuff. He needs you."
"Thanks Mary. I- I will fix things with him." James ran a hand through his hair. Mary smiled at him.
"Alright see you James. I'm off with Marlene and Lily," she said. She waved goodbye and left James in the Common Room that was still bustling with people. He spotted Hestia Jones in the corner, curled up in her favourite spot on the couch. James figured he should go say hi, or maybe he just needed a distraction before heading up to his old dormitory.
"Hestia," James called out. The black-haired girl looked up from her book and beamed at James. She waved him over to her and the spot beside her on the couch.
"Hey James," she said.
"What book are you reading?" he asked.
"Quidditch Through the Ages," she replied, "I'm aiming to be off the Reserves by next season." She looked determined and older than she had last year. Less of a rosy-cheeked little girl. Something about her eyes told James that she'd grown up. He supposed that war does that to you.
"I have no doubt that you will. It's practically unheard of, a second year making the House Team, even on Reserves," James said, nudging her with his elbow. She smiled at him.
"Didn't you make the Reserves in your Second Year?"
"Yeah, so you know just who's extraordinary footsteps you are following," James joked.
"No, because unlike you I'll actually be off the Reserves come my Third Year," she teased, sticking her tongue out. James reached over and mussed up her hair.
"I'll have you know that I was moved off the Reserves mid way through my Third Year," James said.
"Okay James," she said jokingly. "So what's the deal with you and Sirius?" James paled and his grin diminished. He couldn't say that he hadn't been expecting the question, because everyone had been asking him, but with other people he could just give them a scowl or a brisk response and brush them away. With Hestia, however, he would never do that. She was like a little sister to him.
"We had a bit of a spat," James began.
"You're telling me," she said, "The whole school has been buzzing about it for days."
"I know and that's why I came. I need to go smooth things over with him."
"I'm offended Potter. Here I was thinking you had come to chat with me," Hestia said mock-offended.
"That's why I came over here, silly," James replied.
"No you're here instead of with Sirius, because you're scared. You're procrastinating," she said with a knowing smile.
"I am not."
"Are too and you ought to go on and do it already, because I'd like to get back to my book," she said, reopening Quidditch Through the Ages.
"I'm offended Jones. Here I was thinking you enjoyed my company," James said with a grin.
"Procrastinating," she repeated, while shooing him away.
"Fine I'll go, but I might make you fly extra laps at practice tomorrow," he said.
"I'm sure you will, Captain Potter," Hestia said, eyes glued on her book. They both knew full well that James would never. He looked over to the stairs, dreading the moments to come. But he was a Gryffindor after all and he needed to just do what he came to do. And with that exact thought, James walked up the stairs to the boys dormitory. And for the first time in his entire life, he knocked on their door, rather than bursting through.
"Coming!" James heard Peter yell. He could feel his heart racing and every instinct telling him to leave while he could, but it was too late, Peter opened the door. Peter's eyes bugged out a bit, not bothering to hide his surprise.
"Hey Wormtail," James said with a unconvincing smile. Peter sent a glance behind him and slipped out the door to speak with James.
"What're you doin' here?" Peter demanded. He didn't seem angry with James, just scared for his well-being.
"I need to talk to Sirius," James said, attempting to smile once more, but Peter's face remained freaked out.
"I dunno if that's a good idea, I mean he's still real bent out of shape 'bout the whole thing. He refuses to talk 'bout the fight to us. McGonagoll told Remus that Sirius isn't even showin' up to their weekly tea," Peter replied. He glanced behind him again, just to make sure the door was still closed. "You really shouldn't be here, Prongs."
"Come off it, Wormy. I've got to put things right. Apparently Moony has been writing my mum about the whole situation and she wants it sorted out and frankly, so do I. I'm not even completely sure why he's mad at me," James told his friend. "So if you'll kindly move out of my way..."
"If you insist, but I'll be down in the Common Room. I'm not goin' to get myself caught in the crossfire," Peter said, "G'luck."
"Thanks mate." James pushed the door open as Peter scrambled down the stairway.
"Oi Womrtail what took you so long out there? A quick snog with your favourite Hufflepu-" Sirius said as he brushed his hair. He must've caught a glimpse of James standing where he thought Peter had been. James watched the anger and fury gather on his face, but James held his ground.
"Afternoon Sirius," James said pleasantly.
"What're you doing here?" he demanded. He watched Sirius' hand go to his concealed wand.
"Came to chat," James said, sitting on the foot of his old bed. The bed was untouched, ignored, and forgotten about.
"Well you shouldn't have. What part of our last conversation made you fathom that I want to speak with you!?" Sirius said louder this time. He threw his hairbrush onto his bed and took another angry step towards James.
"I know you don't want to talk to me. And frankly that last conversation didn't exactly make me fancy a chat with you either."
"Then why are you here?"
"I got your note," James replied simply. Sirius' glare intensified. "And everyone is worried about you, mate. We are supposed to be best friends. And somehow for some reason you began to hate me along the way. I'd like to know why. I deserve to know why."
"I told you why!"
"Those reasons were rubbish and you and I both know it!" James yelled back, "You're mad that I spend time with Lily! That I'm Head Boy! That you prefer my family to yours! That I don't pull a bunch of pranks anymore!"
"Don't try to make me sound crazy! You were supposed to be my best friend! A Marauder! Now you- now you just have drifted away. We were family, but you got Lily and ditched us. Ditched me!" Sirius shouted.
"I didn't choose to be Head Boy. Dumbledore chose me. And I'm in love with Lily. You knew this, and I thought you'd be happy for me."
"Happy for you. I'm always happy for you. Happy that you have every single damned thing you could ever wish for in the palm of your hand," Sirius said bitterly.
"Look Sirius, I don't want to rehash this. Just tell me what set this off, because you never had an issue about me like this before," James said, trying to calm down.
"My life set this off James! My life is falling apart!" he yelled with despair, "Half my family is out there killing and torturing all these innocent people. And I know exactly what it feels like! This war is sucking people onto sides and taking over their lives. And my family is on the other side, James. The wrong side." Sirius paused a moment to catch his breath.
"That night, the night I- when we argued, was the night my mother wrote to me." Sirius' voice had calmed down, but his lips turned into a menacing scowl, "She was ecstatic. Overjoyed, I could just tell. And she hasn't written to me since I was disowned, but she had to tell me of my shortcomings one last time. How I am the lesser son. The mistake. The stain on our family tree. The disobedient Blood Traitor son that she hates so dearly." James didn't fully understand what Sirius was getting at. James had heard this all before. He knew that Sirius' mum was a horrible person and how his parents liked Regulus better, but he didn't get it yet.
"My brother, James, she was writing about my brother. They're sending Bella to go recruit him. Soon. It'll be a dream come true for him," Sirius finished, his bitterness coming to a peak.
"Padfoot-" James said, his voice breaking. Sirius swallowed as angry tears shown in the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Stop would you," he said viciously, "Can't you see I'm trying to be mad at you! And you come in here being all diplomatic trying to apologise. So just shove off." James began to smile before he knew what he was doing.
"What?" Sirius demanded.
"I'll stop being diplomatic if you stop being all 'woe is me'," James said with a laugh. Sirius frowned.
"You're doing it again, being diplomatic. Why aren't you yelling at me? And the hell do you mean 'woe is me'?" Sirius demanded.
"C'mon we both know that your family sucks, and you are completely justified to be upset about them, but the other night you were getting mad at me. That my family isn't screwed up or that I am Head Boy," James said.
"You're changing, James. You're turning into this other person. And the old you was the one that made me forget sometimes about my family. Now he's gone and my brother's practically a Death Eater," Sirius said.
"It isn't my fault about your brother. And I haven't become a whole new person, I'm still me, but now I have responsibilities. And Dumbledore is trusting me to do it. Lily is trusting me to do it." James stepped closer to Sirius, "You are the one who is pushing everyone away. You picked a fight with me. You quit showing up to tea with McGonagoll. You moved out of the Manor. You shut out Marlene and Lily. And now you hardly even talk to Remus and Peter. So if anything it's you who is changing." The room fell quiet. Sirius' eyes fell to the floor and James noticed how pale he had become. His eyes look distressed and his hands nervously played with each other.
"I know that your life and mine are completely different and I could never truly understand what you've been through, but I know you better than anyone else. We are your family. You, me, Remus, Peter, Marlene, and now Lily. And we are here for you... always," James said, letting the last word hang in the air.
"Sorry for being such a jealous blighter," Sirius said, still not looking James in the eyes, "I just- I don't want anything happening to him. He's just so far gone."
"Padfoot it's fine, I know you didn't mean it-" James said.
"I did mean it. Most of it anyways. I don't hate Lily or you, but I meant what I said. I don't care about the Head Boyship, but I wish you weren't gone so much. I wish I had a family like yours and someone as in love with me as you and Lily are. And I'm sorry that I was such a git about it, but I can't change it."
"Oh- er alright then. But you don't have to apologise anymore. We're cool," James said, offering his hand out to Sirius. Sirius pulled him into a hug, and James obliged.
"Have you got any meetings tonight? Or dates with Lily?" Sirius asked.
"Er- no I think I'm free tonight," James said.
"Stay here. We'll have a boys night! You, me, Wormy, and Moontail. I mean Moony and Wormtail," Sirius said excited.
"Sound like a plan, mate," James said with a grin. "I'll go let Lily know and I'll be right back."
"Are you joking, mate? The pair of you aren't married. I'm sure she'll be fine without your goodnight kisses for one night," Sirius said with a scoff.
"Yeah, you're right. But I should get pyjamas and all," he said, still wanting to go see Lily.
"You'll borrow some of mine," Sirius said, "Now come with me to go collect Moony and Pete. Where did Pete get off to anyways?" James began to chuckle, he had forgot how Peter had hidden in the Common Room.
"Oh well he didn't want to get caught in the crossfire," James laughed again, "As if he thought we couldn't have a perfectly civil conversation or something."
"It's like he has no faith in us," Sirius said with a grin. They exited the dorm and headed down to the Common Room where Peter was in hiding. Peter was sitting beside Remus on a couch.
"Guess what we're doing tonight?" Sirius said as he hopped over the banister frightening a group of third year girls who walked nearby.
"You can't keep jumping over the side of the stairs like that!" Remus said.
"Sorry Moony, but guess what!"
"What?" Peter said enthusiastically.
"Prongs is sleeping over tonight. A boys night in!" Sirius exclaimed.
"So I'm guessing the two of you are friends again," Remus said.
"Yeah we are. My mum made sure to tell me that we were being stupid," James said with a pointed look at Remus. The werewolf perked up a bit after James said that.
"Sorry James, I just- the two of you were driving us all insane!" Remus said defencively.
"It's fine Moony, truly. Just no more letters to my mum behind my back. She's now going to be on my back about being Head Boy and Lily's boyfriend. She really thinks I'm gonna screw everything up with her," James said.
"You did screw things up with her the day of," Remus pointed out.
"That wasn't me!" James protested. He then added, embarrassed, "I messed things up the next day."
"My bad," Remus said sarcastically. James frowned at him.
"But now everything is perfect between us. No problems at all," James said smiling once more.
"We all know, Prongs. The pair of you are so lovey-dovey and moony-eyed. It's quite sickening actually," Sirius said grinning. "You could probably take a page from little Pierre's book, yeah? He barely does anything, save holding her hand." All the boys besides Peter broke out laughing.
"Hey just because I don't go 'round snogging her in the halls for everyone to watch, doesn't mean we don't ever..." Peter defended.
"Still I can't believe she still thinks your name is Pierre," Sirius chuckled.
"Well you lot always call me Wormtail and she's a 5th year so she never really knew me beforehand," Peter said, still frowning.
"Still a right shame. But let's quit talking about birds," Sirius said.
"Alright. Ready for the upcoming match?" James said. At a time being Quidditch Captain was his top priority, but so much had changed. Now he had so much more to worry about and so much less time to spend. James even contemplated giving up his role as Quidditch Captain, maybe passing it on to Marlene. He knew Marlene would make a great Captain.
"Against Ravenclaw, is it?" Sirius asked. James nodded. "I reckon Ravenclaw'll be are top competitor this year."
"Probably." There was a long silence. Quidditch didn't evoke the same excitement anymore. He still loved the game, but now there was so much more important things on his mind.
"Erm- the Chudley Cannons are lookin' pretty good this year. Some people think they're going to come out on top this season," Peter added. Everyone knew the Cannons were Peter's favourite team and every year they did not do so well.
"Over the Arrows!" Sirius exclaimed. "Not a chance Wormy!" James smiled as the conversation gained speed again. He loved his friends and their bantering nature.
AN: Did you enjoy James and Sirius' fight. I felt like there had to be some sort of tension that arose from Lily and James dating and it seemed natural enough. I love Sirius as a character. Please review...
