Levi knew it was going to be hard for him on Eren's wedding night, especially considering their rooms were right next to each other and he was going to have to hear everything. When they came home from the boy's wedding later that evening, as much as he wanted to pull him into his arms and reclaim him as his own, he had to let Eren take Emma to his room and shut the door. He had to hear the click of the lock as the key was turned, shutting the world out. Levi hated himself for lingering outside of his own door for a minute, like a sad dog waiting for his master to come out of his room. And like a sad dog he had the desire for Eren to return to him and cover him in affection.
But his affection wasn't reserved for just him anymore.
The older man sighed. He needed to grow up. This is what Eren had to do. It wasn't all about them and their wants anymore. So, he forced himself to go about his nightly routine.
Alone.
He fed Prince, who was overjoyed to see him of course, hopping all over him and nipping at his sleeves. He felt bad since it was too late to walk him, but he promised to take him on a walk tomorrow bright and early before work. And he figured that was the most he could do at the moment to help keep himself sane, to distract himself with work and taking care of his dog, things that were normal.
He hopped into bed as soon as he had washed and changed, suddenly feeling too drained to stay awake anymore. Prince hopped in with him, laying next to his lap and curling up in a tight ball. Levi just prayed he fell asleep long before Eren and Emma did.
Sadly that wasn't the case.
It wasn't…as horrible as he thought. He truthfully didn't hear too much, but what he did hear made him cringe and kept him sadly awake. Once in a while he heard a soft gasp from Emma, or Eren's name on her lips. She had to be nervous, of course, since unlike her new husband she was a virgin and had no idea what she was doing. But in a way, Eren was a virgin all over again too, because he had never had sex with a woman before.
Levi swallowed down the burning jealousy in his gut, knowing that she was seeing his boy's beautiful, bare body instead of him. She was seeing Eren's face twisted in pleasure, hearing his soft voice speaking to her in that special way. Those were things reserved for him and Levi, and them alone. The way the moonlight frosted across Eren's ribs, the kind sparkle in his eyes as he looked down at him, the way his hands slid down Levi's body before wrapping around him in a tender embrace…she wasn't allowed to have those things.
When he heard Eren give a little cry of pleasure, he felt tears spring unbidden to his eyes. He covered his head with his blankets, hiding his shame. He knew this was just the start of things to come, that he had to get used to this. But for now it hurt. He felt abandoned and exhausted already.
How was he going to survive fifty or so more years of this?
The next morning at the breakfast table wasn't any less awkward for Levi. Eren and Emma came down to eat together, looking completely normal, but of course everyone knew what they had been up to the night before. Mikasa, who was sitting next to Levi, in the place Eren normally sat, casually patted his shoulder, but he understood the action for what it was. She was trying to comfort him as best she could, and he appreciated it. Eren completely ignored him, lavishing attention on his new bride, the two of them giggling back and forth, Eren whispering something to her that made her turn beet red and slap his shoulder playfully and say, "Stop it!"
Levi turned to his eggs, his throat feeling completely dry as he took a bite and swallowed them.
He tried not to look at his boy for the entire meal, knowing that if he did he might burst into tears again. And since not only was Eren's father sitting with him, but Emma's parents and siblings as well, that would not be a good idea. The only comfort he had besides Mikasa's knowing, solid presence was the dogs trotting around their ankles, looking for scraps.
He sat there in miserable silence until, at one point, Prince actually tried begging from Emma's father, and the man spoke harshly to him.
"Get down!" he growled when Prince stood up innocently, putting his front feet on the man's thigh. The man slapped his paws, and Prince backed up, looking bewildered.
Levi immediately bristled, opening his mouth to tell him off for daring to touch his dog in such a way. But to his amazement, before he could, Eren leapt up, his chair screeching against the floor as it was pushed back by the movement. He was snarling and he was glaring daggers at his new father in law.
"Don't you dare!" Eren shouted. "You don't lay your hands on an animal in anger like that! Especially not that one, he's a hero! He saved the life of my best friend, and if you hurt him again, I'll do whatever you do to him, tenfold!"
Well, the man certainly looked shocked at that. Emma pulled Eren down by the back of his shirt, telling him to calm down, that her father wouldn't do anything like that again. Eren kept seething, but did as he was told, staying quiet, but stabbing at his breakfast now with his fork.
It was all Levi could do not to smile, but he managed it, though not without great difficulty. No, Eren couldn't speak about his love for him in company like this, but he could express his love in other ways. Prince wasn't even his dog, but he knew how much he meant to Levi, and therefore would defend him and talk about how amazing he was, in place of his owner.
Emma's father kept giving Eren nasty glances, and he swore he heard him mumble to his own wife, "I fear for our daughter's future if she's married to that brute."
But Levi kept his mouth shut, though he dearly wanted to leap across the table and strangle him. Eren would never hurt Emma, that he was sure of. He was only violent towards people that deserved it. And he knew he would never hurt Emma because he had never hurt him; he would sooner hurt himself.
His boy was wasted on this family.
Hanji was right though. Only time was going to heal these wounds. Time, and a strong constitution. So Levi let time flow, let fall pass into winter, and let himself settle into this new reality, this new day to day life in the Jaeger household.
Eren enrolled in classes at the medical school his father went to that autumn, and started attending there in the mornings so he could work in the afternoon. His work now consisted strictly of pest control. To Levi's great sadness, there was never any new art in his studio anymore when he checked. He understood why though. His boy was just so exhausted from the combination of both school and work, as well as the extra-curricular work that school made him do. After a long day, he would collapse into bed many hours after Levi came home from work without saying a word to him. Any words he would spare in his half-awake state were usually reserved for either his father or his wife. Any attention he had within him to give was for Emma because it was his duty, and it was in turn her duty to take care of him.
Levi busied himself with work as best he could. When he came home, he was still greeted by his dog, as well as Eren's. Anymore, because Eren was so busy, without being asked, Levi took it upon himself to look after them, especially since no one else knew their routine like he and Eren did. But he found that he missed Eren's kisses of greeting when he walked in.
However, that was just the beginning of it.
There was a huge hole missing in Levi's life, now that Eren was absent from it. It was gaping, oozing, and all the work in the world couldn't heal it. He was beginning to feel like how he did before he met Eren, back when he was alone and didn't know what a kind touch or the warmth of romantic love felt like. True, he still had the friends that Eren gave him. He still went to the pub and made merry with their fellow inverts, where he often found himself babbling to Hanji and Petra after one too many drinks about how much he missed Eren and how he felt sick with loneliness. How he would die just for a kiss from him. And then he would burst into tears over how clingy he was being and how he had to be mature about this whole thing, that he hated he couldn't just get over it.
"Eren deserves someone better than me," he lamented to Hanji, face pressed into her shoulder. "Someone who doesn't get so jealous over such stupid things."
"Well, this isn't just a stupid little thing," Hanji told him, wrapping an arm around him and patting his shoulder. "If Petra had to marry someone else and I lived in the same house as they did I'd be going mad with jealousy and grief too. That's not immature, Levi. That's human."
"I know. I just wish it wasn't so hard. Maybe I could stop being human. Is there a way to become a dog?"
She snorted with laughter, pushing his face further into her shoulder and clucking sympathetically at him.
Levi had to admit, Eren was very good at pretending that he wasn't an invert. He doted on Emma as much as he was able, giving her as much love and attention as tired self would allow. He provided for her, and anything she asked for, if it was within his power to give, he would give it to her. He often came home with a present for her, usually jewelry, or sometimes perfume. Anything she might enjoy. He was being a good husband, and Levi was actually quite proud of him.
However, along with those gifts for her, Levi was pleased to find tiny trinkets also waiting for him, either on his pillow, or something that had been pushed under the door. One time it was a bundle of lavender that had been cut from the garden and tied together with a piece of string. Another time it was a hasty sketch of Prince that had already been framed, and yet another time it was a bag of some of Levi's favorite chocolate. Every time he saw one of these presents, the older man would choke up. They weren't anything fancy, but that didn't matter at all to Levi. They were all beautiful, and the only way that Eren could show his love for him right now. He was so thankful for them, thankful for the fact that his boy, as busy as he was now still took time out to get these little tokens of affection for him. He wanted so badly to return that affection, but at the moment, he couldn't not without Emma seeing it. When Eren wasn't at school or work, she was always with him, so there was no way he could sneak him anything.
As the holidays approached, some interesting developments began to take place. First of all, it was obvious right away, as if Grisha need more proof, that Eren was not cut out to be a doctor. Though Levi never saw his grades, it was clear from their constant arguments that he was not doing well in school. He went every day and did everything that was asked of him, and yet he was still doing poorly.
Levi was sitting on top of the winding, wooden staircase that led down into the main entrance. Prince kept bringing him a ball to throw down the hallway next to them, so every time it was dropped in his lap, he would throw it down the hall. As they did this, he heard their voices raise in yet another argument during one evening that Grisha happened to be home.
"This is disgraceful, Eren," Grisha said. "Not a single good mark from you this semester. Your professors are even saying that in your hands on training you're squeamish at the sight of blood and internal organs. Good medical students don't shy away from that sort of thing."
"I've already told you, I never wanted to be a medical student!" Eren shot back.
He could hear Grisha's voice rising in turn. "Don't tell me you're failing on purpose? Do you think that getting kicked out medical school will free you of our deal? Because it won't. If you don't get your grades up soon, the only person that will get kicked out is Levi, and I don't care where he ends up."
Levi winced, not noticing the ball that Prince dropped in his lap. He hated being reminded of the fact that Eren was suffering this whole mess because of him.
Eren came back with, "I'm not failing on purpose!" Was there a hint of fear in his voice? "I'm doing my best knowing full well what's at stake. You can get as mad as you want, it won't make me get any better grades. It won't make me any better at this. How many times do I have to tell you, I can't be a doctor. Some people just aren't fit for certain careers, no matter how hard they make themselves work at it."
"Well, you better make yourself fit for this career, and you better do it fast. You have a wife to support now"-
"Because of you."
"-and soon you'll have children you'll need to take care of. There will always be sick people, and that career pays well enough for you to keep this mansion, as well as provide for a family. I'm not having my only son go into something as frivolous as the arts, or taking care of dogs for the rest of his life. I worked hard for people to hear our name and think of money and respect, and I will not have that tradition broken because my son decided to be selfish. So you better get your act together very fast."
He heard Grisha's angry footsteps clicking away on the polished floor as he left the room, having got the last word in, leaving Eren alone in the room. Levi couldn't hear anyone else for several seconds, and without hesitation he got up, getting ready to head down the stairs to comfort him. However, before he could, he heard Eren growl with frustration and then leave the house, the luxurious door slamming behind him.
He sighed, sitting back down. So he didn't want anyone with him right now. Well, perhaps he had the right idea. If Grisha happened to catch them together, it might just flame his suspicions and make him not only angrier with him, but would make things harder for Eren. They were already on thin ice as it was.
Not only did they not have time to steal moments alone together, but to his horror, Levi found that he was scared to do so anymore. God, this really was like back at the beginning, when he just realized he was in love with Eren. It was awful. His boy was in pain and there was now nothing he could do to help ease his suffering.
The other development was equally as distressing, unfortunately. As the months passed, it was becoming obvious that Emma wasn't falling pregnant. This was highly unusual, as most women ended up pregnant within the first month or so of getting married, and if they didn't, people often began to wonder if there was a problem. They were certainly having sex, Levi knew this for sure. So why wasn't it producing any results?
When Christmas was just around the corner, it got to the point that Grisha decided they needed a medical exam. So, they sent Emma to see Hanji, and Eren was examined by his father. Levi wondered meanwhile why it was such a big deal. Some couples just couldn't have children, and frankly he was kind of okay with Eren not having kids. It would just something else that tied him to Emma.
Then again, when he sat there and thought of Eren having kids, the idea also made him a little bit happy. Eren and Emma would make some really pretty kids, and he knew they would be good parents. Eren would try his best, even on his bad days, and on his bad days he would have lots of help in taking care of them. Helping to raise Eren's children would be another way he could show his boy how much he loved him. Levi would dote on them and spoil them within an inch of their life, and be the best uncle he could possibly manage.
Though secretly, when he really thought about it, he wished he and Eren could raise those kids together, just the two of them, and that those children would call both of them dad.
Levi sighed heavily to himself, flopping on his bed, wishing these thoughts would just leave him. But now that they were stuck in his head, that was it. He had never thought of himself as father material, not even the slightest, because he had so many issues of his own to think about raising another person. But the thought of raising kids with Eren sounded quite good. Maybe two of them, two kids that would love them and all of the dogs that Eren raised. Sure, they couldn't physically have children themselves, but there were so many orphans that needed parents.
They would never let two men raise children, of course, but this was Levi's fantasy, so in his world, they would. They would let them give those kids a better life. Or, if Eren had children with Emma, part of him wished they could take them away and raise them, without the influence of Grisha, or anyone else who might try and tell them that Eren and Levi's love was wrong. They would raise them to accept everyone and not care who society said deserved love and who didn't. And they wouldn't try and mold them into being "normal."
By the time Eren's exam was finished, Levi was almost asleep on his bed, and he couldn't believe that he had in fact almost fallen asleep. He must have been more drained than he thought. He started awake when the door in the entryway slammed open, and he almost fell off the bed.
Things didn't get any better when he woke up a bit more and realized that Eren and his father were once again yelling and at each other's throats.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Grisha was shouting at him. There were angry footsteps coming up the hallway towards Levi's room now and it must have been Eren's because his father added, "Don't you walk away from me! I want answers!"
Levi's heart thudded a bit in his chest. He always hated listening to them fight because it reminded him of hearing his own parents argue. He shivered, trying not to cower. But what if his boy needed him? He had to protect him in case this fight got out of hand. Getting off the bed, curiosity getting the better of him, he made his way over to his doors and opened them just the tiniest bit, peeking through the crack.
The two of them were standing in front of Eren's room. Grisha's back was to him while Eren was facing him, though he couldn't see him. They were poised like two cobras ready to strike, hands balled into fists. Well, Levi certainly knew where his boy got his temper from.
"What the hell are you on about?" Eren hissed. "Answers?' I don't have them for you. You're the doctor. You tell me."
"No one in our family has problems getting erections," his father was saying to him. "Hanji just got back to me with Emma's results, and we know the problem isn't with her, so it's with you, one hundred percent."
"You act like I'm doing this on purpose," the boy huffed, crossing his arms.
"I think if you tried hard enough, you could fix this 'problem.' What kind of man has a hard time getting aroused around a beautiful woman? I think this is tied to your doing poorly in medical school. I ask you to do these things for me, and they're not too terribly difficult, and you refuse. Many men can get their wife pregnant with no problem. Many men can get a whore pregnant with no problem. So how come it's a problem for you? It didn't take as long for me and your mother to conceive, so it can't be genetic. Therefore it has to be a choice you're making."
"A choice you forced on me! Mom would have never allowed this to happen. She would have let me choose who I was going to marry, if I were going to marry at all! If you were half the decent person that she was, you would"-
Grisha cut him off with a slap to the face, one that was so loud and so forceful that it produced a loud crack that echoed down the hall. It made Eren recoil and stagger back a step, before reaching up to hold the cheek that had been slapped. His cheek began to turn redder and redder, and he just stood there, silent and stunned. Levi gasped, and without hesitating, he burst out of his room, at the same time he heard more footsteps hurrying down the hall. Mikasa's and Emma's, he noticed, seeing their worried faces out of the corner of his eye. His defected to Eren's side while his wife hung back a bit, wondering if she should intervene or not. Levi couldn't blame her, he supposed. This was her father in law, and she was living under his roof. She didn't want to cross him so soon into her marriage.
Levi put himself between Grisha and Eren, eyes narrowed in fury, not caring at the moment if he was thrown out. No one was going to hurt his boy while he was present. He bared his teeth at him, saying angrily, "You're lucky I don't knock you flat on your ass right here and now. You deserve it. No good father would ever blame his son for things he can't help."
The double meaning was only picked up by those who knew. He continued, "No father tries to change his child into something he isn't, either. If Eren fails, it's because you set him up for failure. I know because my father did the same thing to me, and I pushed him away. Don't do the same thing with your son. You can kick me out if you'd like, but in the end you and I want the same thing: for Eren to be happy. And you'll notice how many of us are standing at Eren's side. No one is standing on yours."
The other man stared at him, surprised, but didn't say anything. Not to kick him out, or defend himself. He simply hung his head, as if he knew Levi was right, but couldn't swallow his pride and admit it. So, Levi turned his back to him and went over to Eren, touching him for the first time in months. He placed his hands on his shoulders, raising himself up a bit to get a good look at his cheek, which was still quite red. He then looked to Emma and Mikasa and said, "Shall we take a break and sit in one of the parlors for a bit? That should be a quiet place for Eren to put some ice on his face."
The girls nodded, relieved by the idea of getting away from the tension, and the four of them left together.
After that incident, to everyone's shock, Grisha actually made an effort to be nicer to Eren. He wasn't angry as often, trying to hold back from starting fights or criticizing him as much. Levi had to snort to himself; of course he was behaving better, now that he saw for himself that more people were on Eren's side rather than his own. But of course, he still confronted Eren on a regular enough basis to remind him of the consequences of failing school, and that he needed to start a family soon. As he put it, Emma didn't deserve to be punished this way, that she deserved to have children and the chance to be a mother.
Levi wished he could tell him Grisha to his stupid face that Eren most certainly did not have erectile dysfunction. He knew first hand, remembering how that thick cock had felt in his mouth and how good it felt inside his body, sliding along his inner walls and brushing against his prostate-
No, focus, he told himself, clapping his hands against his burning face. The point was, Eren had no problems getting it up. Not around him, and not around the many men he had slept with beforehand. The problem wasn't him. The problem was Emma. He just couldn't get an erection when faced with a pair of breasts and a cock lane. For some reason, this made Levi giddy to know. He felt bad for his boy and Emma, but his jealous side couldn't help but be delighted that he could satisfy Eren in ways that his wife couldn't. Despite how well he treated Emma, he was still awkward around her, and clearly didn't desire her the way he desired men.
Eren was still his, through and through.
On Christmas day, which of course was always Levi's birthday, he decided to take matters into his own hands. Though he couldn't have Eren all to himself right now, especially not over the holidays, he decided he would find a way to at least spend a little bit of time somewhat alone with him. So, he volunteered to take Eren and Emma on a sleigh ride through the snow countryside. He figured he could do that much for them at least, since Eren had taught him how to drive horses.
"That sounds so romantic," Emma had agreed.
"Indeed it does," Eren replied, though he wasn't looking at her. "Alright. Why don't you have Finn and Hannes get Lilly ready? We'll get our coats on."
"You got it Au-Eren."
He hated that he couldn't use his nickname in front of Emma, but it was alright. Eren was the only one who heard the slip up, and he smiled brightly. Levi tapped at his chest where his ring sat in response, and then snatched his coat, excitedly running outside.
Eren loved him. He still loved him.
Of course he did though. He had done nothing to suggest that he didn't. It was just nice to see a sign of it from his boy himself rather than just getting presents from him.
After that it was a blur. Soon, Levi was leading Lilly the giant Shire by her reins to the front of the house, waiting for them in a lovely carriage all decked out for Christmas, a wreath hanging off the back of it. There were even huge pelts sitting inside along with big red blankets. It was a rich setup; anyone who saw them would know they had a lot of money. Lilly enough had giant shiny bells on her harness that would ring out as she walked, letting anyone know that was nearby that they were coming. When Eren and Emma stepped out of the front doors, the girl laughed happily and clapped her hands together like a small child.
"Oh, how charming," she exclaimed, her breath rising up around her in a misty cloud. "What a pretty girl we have here. Big strong girl."
Levi laughed, hopping up in the driver's seat. "I debated asking to hitch up another Shire with her, but Hannes assured me that she'd be strong to pull us all."
"Of course," Eren confirmed, getting up into the carriage behind Levi. "We rent her out to plow entire fields for farmers around here. She does a good job." He turned to Emma, holding out a hand to pull her up next to him, "Come on now. This is going to be a great ride. We have pretty scenery, a handsome driver, and a whole afternoon to kill."
Grinning, she took his hand, and once she was settled in under the blankets next to him, off they went with a snap of the reins from Levi.
It really was a dream of a ride, a lovely Christmas present from Levi to Eren and a birthday present to himself. It was a scene right off a Christmas card. The bare trees were covered in snow, muffling any sounds. There was also snow as far as the eye could see, an endless expanse for them to travel on. Lilly covered the deep snow easily, her bells ringing merrily. Any other sleighs they passed, they waved to, so happy to be out that they couldn't help but share that joy.
Levi was in fact so happy that he didn't even mind that Eren and Emma were talking in sweet, soft tones to each other. His "handsome driver" comment was still rolling around in his head, and it made him all warm to hear it.
Eren only made him feel warmer when he said, "Thank you for suggesting this, Levi. You look really good up there."
The older man turned his head towards him slightly to say, "I learned from the best."
The boy winked at him. "Of course. But what a perfect day this is. I get to go on a ride at Christmas with sleigh bells, blankets, and I get to enjoy it all with the most important person in my life."
At that, Emma snuggled up to him, cooing, "aww." However, Eren didn't lean into her. Once again, only Levi understood the double meaning. He could practically feel his boy's eyes burning into the back of his head, making him feel wonderfully hot. He smiled to himself.
That's right. He and Eren had made a promise to other to love each other until the day they died. And neither of them intended to break that promise.
