Hermione had finished her letters to some of her peers and mentors regarding the study when she looked back up at the clock. She realized it had been almost an hour since Severus had come and alerted her that he'd be in his office, and her grumbling stomach quickly alerted her to the need for a meal, and soon. Deciding she wouldn't benefit from pursuing her questions about the research trial at St. Mungos any further before acquiring some of the research publications she hoped to receive, she jotted a few additional questions in her notebook before extinguishing the lights in the room and headed toward Severus's office to inquire what he'd like her to order for supper.
She opened the door from their chambers quietly so as to not disturb or startle Severus if he was in the middle of something important, and quickly realized that he was conversing with Dumbledore's portrait as she heard her former headmaster ask, ""And what is it that you want to do Severus? It's apparent you're very conflicted on how this information came to light, but I don't think anything will be resolved by continuing to fret about it."
Momentarily puzzled "I just want to tell her!" she heard Severus nearly yell as he paced along the wall of portraits in his office. Tell who, what? Hermione thought as she attempted to process what he might discussing.
"I just want her to know everything, but she doesn't even know there was anyone else except her, regardless of how everything has turned out now..." Hermione gasped as tears instantly filled her eyes...she knew he must be talking about her, and from the sounds of it, Severus was struggling because he wasn't sure how to tell her there was another? Another woman?
If she'd actually taken the time to think through things rationally, she might have been able to remain calm and realize she didn't have enough context to fully understand what he was talking about in that moment. As it was, however, she'd had a very trying day between her appointments with Madam Pomfrey and St. Mungos, and she was already riding a constant emotional roller-coaster due to the hormones coursing through her as a result of the pregnancy. It was all too much, and she fixated on that one small sentence and the idea that Severus potentially had feelings for someone else...
"Of all the things I've ever worried about with everything that's happened between us, I never expected you to lie to me, Severus." She quickly gathered herself as much as she could in the midst of her sorrow, and she rushed back through the entrance to their shared chambers closing and locking the door behind her. She had to compose herself before she could even think about facing him. She rushed over to the floo and quickly called out 'Potter Residence' as she stepped through without thinking. She needed her friends right now, and she knew she could trust them to help her sift through everything that had happened and what she'd heard.
Entering Grimmauld place, Hermione was immediately taken aback by Harry and Ginny, clearly engaged in the beginnings of what Hermione was sure would have been an evening of amorous activities with Ginny straddling Harry who was seated in the weathered armchair beside the floo. Hearing the fire roar to life, Harry attempted to pull his hands out from under Ginny's blouse and fasten his own trousers as Hermione apologized profusely and attempted to shield her own eyes while her friends made themselves descent. "I told you we should have cut-off floo access..." muttered Ginny as she attempted to neaten her rather disheveled appearance.
The couples embarrassment quickly faded, however, when they saw Hermione's reddened eyes and her disheveled appearance. Ginny recovered first and leapt up from her position in Harry's lap, "Hermione? What on earth is wrong? Has something happened with Severus, or the baby?"
Hermione, who had begun crying in earnest again, nodded unconvincingly as she answered, "In a manner of speaking...I'm so sorry I interrupted you both. I can come back later..."
"Don't even think about it..." said Harry, now rising from the chair himself. "Why don't I make us some tea and you can tell us what happened.
The three of them headed into the kitchen, and after Harry had assembled tea and a few snacks while Ginny attempted to comfort Hermione, she explained what she'd heard Severus telling Dumbledore when she'd entered his office."
"I just can't believe he wouldn't be honest with me about something like this. I've been pouring my heart out to him for months! I wanted him to be the baby's father for Merlin's sake!" she said, sobbing in earnest again.
Ginny rubbed Hermione's back soothingly as Harry considered the entire situation again. He wouldn't exactly consider himself a friend of Severus's, at least not yet, but he'd certainly grown to know much more of the man in the years following the war, and Severus had shared with Harry many memories and trinkets from his childhood friendship with Lily. He could understand why what he'd said would upset Hermione, but something wasn't adding up for Hermione's best friend. From what he knew of the older man, Severus was incredibly loyal and protective, and didn't seem the type to be engaging in another dalliance while professing his love for Hermione.
"Hermione," Harry started carefully, "Is it possible we're missing part of the story here? This all just seems so out of character for Snape..."
"Wha-wh-at do you mean?" Hermione sniffed.
"The only other person I've ever known Severus to love was my mother..." Harry explained, "and he carried that torch and suffered some truly horrific events as a spy for the better part of two decades after her death. Do you really think he's capable of developing those feelings with you if he's carrying on with another woman?" Harry asked.
Hermione considered this for a moment. She knew Harry had a point. Severus wasn't one to share affection so freely, and if he had professed his love for her, it did seem highly unlikely that there was someone else he was seeing at the same time. "But what could he have meant if he wasn't talking about another woman?" Hermione asked out loud as she tried to realign her thoughts more logically in light of the evidence.
"I don't know sweetie." Ginny answered. "But you'll never find out if you don't give him a chance to explain. I think Harry's right, but why don't you stay here with us tonight while you think things through?"
Hermione nodded, realizing time away from the situation would be good to cool her head and try to be more logical rather than emotional about everything she'd heard. "Thank you..." she sniffed accepting a pastry from Harry before continuing, "some days I don't know what I'd do without you guys." she finished, the latter part of her sentence muffled as she'd taken a bite in her famished state and proceeded to speak through a mouthful of tart.
"You're welcome...Ronald." Ginny teased as Hermione continued her voracious eating in a manner reminiscent of youngest male Weasley, causing the three of them to laugh heartily. Deciding to change the subject, Ginny asked, "did Madam Pomfrey have any new advice after her examination of you earlier today?"
Swallowing her current bite, Hermione explained, "unfortunately she feels it's time to pursue specialist options to recover my memories. She referred me to a healer at St. Mungo's who has been conducting a trial aimed at patients suffering memory loss." she took a moment to explain to them what she knew of the trial so far and her hesitations about participating. "I don't particularly relish the idea of someone poking around in my memories." she explained to the couple, "but as I did some experimentation in this space at the end of my mastery in hopes I could retrieve my parents memory, so I've written to some of my colleagues to find out more about the findings that have been published so far."
"Hermione, I know this option probably hadn't crossed your mind with everything happening today, but Severus is the world's best living legilimens...had you considered asking him to brew the potion and attempt to retrieve your memories?"
Hermione nearly dropped her mug in surprise. She couldn't believe she hadn't considered this as an option, before the events of this evening had occurred between the two of them. "I hadn't even thought about it!" Hermione exclaimed honestly. She knew this could go a long way to soothe her anxieties about the process of retrieving the rest of her memories as her misgivings were mostly related to having a stranger poking around in her mind.
The longer she considered it, the more she realized that Severus skills in legilimency might not only be helpful if she elected to move forward with St. Mungos, but he might also be the partner she needed to examine her own research on the reversal of memory charms...perhaps potions was an area she hadn't considered enough in her initial pursuit of the idea...
Shaking her head to bring her back into the present, she knew she shouldn't get too far ahead of herself before she hoped this might be a possibility. Of course she was excited by the prospect that there might still be hope to restore her parents memory so the baby could have a relationship with his or her grandparents. As stimulating as the idea was, she still needed to figure out what Severus had meant by wanting to tell her everything, and whether the pair could move forward as a couple before she worried about whether he'd want to partner with her on her lapsed research.
Almost as if Harry could hear Hermione's inner monologue, he reached across the table and reassuringly grasped her hand. "Hermione, everything will work out. I don't know how I know, but I just do." he explained.
The three of them talked for another hour, and Hermione obtained several recommendations of healers Harry and Ginny had interacted with prior to Jamie's arrival. As the conversation lagged on, Hermione yawned and non-verbally cast a tempus to check the time. It was nearing midnight, and between the late hour and the events of the day, she was completely exhausted.
She rose from the table and thanked each of her friends, hugging them gratefully before she ascended to the guest bedroom she frequented when she visited the couple. She laid on the bed for some time as she stared at the ceiling and rubbed her distended belly absentmindedly. As she drifted off, she resolved to allow Severus to explain what had happened the day before, and she swore to herself she would wait until she understood fully what he had been discussing with Dumbledore before she made any more assumptions.
... ... ... ...
The following morning, Hermione rose feeling more emotionally balanced than she had the day prior. She bid farewell to her two friends as well as baby Jamie who had been asleep when she arrived at Grimmauld place the night before, but now sat babbling in his highchair as he smeared pieces of banana across the attached tray.
She arrived back at Hogwarts just after 8 in the morning, and she suspected Severus would be awake, if he had even slept at all the night prior. She tentatively unlocked the door to his office, and took a few deep, grounding breaths before she opened it and strode through.
Severus was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. Although his eyes were closed, she immediately noticed the dark circles which usually appeared whenever he hadn't slept enough the night before. Her heart clenched at the thought she'd caused him any pain, especially now that she'd considered the possibility that she'd overreacted before fully understanding the situation, but she'd reserve any apologies until she'd heard his explanation for the conversation she'd overheard. Knocking quietly on the door to alert him to her presence, Severus's head shot up and she was immediately met with a pained, albeit relieved expression as he rose from his desk and crossed the room to stand before her.
"Hermione..." he breathed in relief at her presence in his office as he took in her similarly haggard appearance. "Please, love...I don't know how much you heard, but let me explain. I think you may have gotten the wrong idea from what you overheard last night." he implored, taking her hands in his own.
She nodded in assent before answering, "I didn't want to be alone last night, but I was too emotional to try to put the pieces together..." she started as she took in the puzzled expression on his face before she elaborated. "...so I went to see Harry and Ginny who made me see I might have jumped to a conclusion too hastily. I warn you though, Severus, now is not the time to mislead me about anything you might have discussed with that old coot." she said exasperatedly, gesturing weakly toward Dumbledore's portrait.
Severus smirked slightly at her reference to Dumbledore before he sobered himself and nodded. "Of course, Hermione. I have every intention of explaining everything, but I think we should get comfortable and order some breakfast first...this might take awhile." He gestured for her to follow him back into their quarters, and once they had settled into the sofa each with a plate of that morning's breakfast which has been brought to them from the Great Hall by one of the elves, Severus began to share everything he'd discovered with Hermione.
"This is difficult to explain because your memories from the beginning of term still haven't returned, but when you told me about the baby, you explained that there had been someone else, another man that you'd been with before the start of term, but it had only been one night and you had no way of identifying him to determine the baby's paternity."
Hermione nodded. Although she couldn't remember the particular night she told him about, she did remember the night she had shared the news with him, and recalled the explanation and details she shared with him when she informed him about the baby.
Severus elaborated, "Well, I know at the time you'd expected me to be hurt by the admission that there had been someone else before term, but I wasn't because I thought that would be rather hypocritical of me." Hermione cocked her head in puzzlement before he continued. "I thought it would be hypocritical because I had engaged in my own short-lived romantic encounter prior to the start of term as well, which I never pursued further once you and I began to become closer..." he said, somewhat ashamedly.
Hermione instantly felt awful she had reacted so terribly. This must have been what he meant when he said she hadn't known about anyone else, and of course she wouldn't judge him for his actions before they'd begun seeing one another. "Gods, Severus...I'm so sorry...I could have...I never should have assumed..." she fumbled to find the right response as tears of guilt welled in her eyes. "I never should have doubted you, Severus."
He shook his head. "There's more Hermione. I never thought back on that night on because you and I had been so happy together. Even after you told me the news about the baby, I was so caught up in everything we were attempting to figure out, I hadn't looked back...that is until we went to St. Mungo's yesterday."
Now Hermione was thoroughly confused. Had he seen the woman when they'd gone to the hospital? Was she one of the mediwitches who was treating her? Or one of the midwitches that might be assisting in her prenatal care? Had this made him reconsider his relationship with her? Imploring him to explain further she asked, "Why didn't you tell me yesterday? Are you reconsidering everything the two of us..."
He cut her off, moving closer to her on the sofa and grasping both hands in his pleadingly. "Never, Hermione." he said painfully. "I've never once doubted my love for you..." he continued, "but I do need to explain what happened yesterday." He sighed before he continued, "On the night I met the woman to which I'm referring, Minerva had convinced me to go to a club in London to blow off some steam as she put it. I was only willing to do so under the disguise of your glamour charm, Hermione. It seems the witch I met that night had similarly disguised herself, and when I used the glamour on both of us yesterday before leaving for St. Mungos, I realized I recognized the woman at my side was someone I'd met before..." he trailed off, his dark eyes imploring she understand what he was attempting to tell her.
Hermione took all of this in and sat silently for a moment, completely stunned at his revelation. "So that means..." she started, lowering her hand tentatively to her swollen abdomen, staring at him in shock.
"Unless you made it a habit of engaging in one-night-stands..." knowing that she was not that type, he chuckled trying to lighten the mood as she swatted his arm in response. "I know love...It seems this was an out-of-character moment for both of us. But yes, Hermione...it appears your wish that I was the biological father of your child was rooted in reality. Perhaps your subconscious put the pieces together before either of us did, but now I understand why I was so captivated that night, love. I just couldn't resist the witch who was made for me in every way, even if her true identity was unknown to me at the time." He looked at her tentatively, willing her to be as happy about the news as he'd found himself the more he'd considered the situation after she'd left the previous evening.
Still wide-eyed in shock, Hermione attempted to work through all the pieces on her own. She wished she could remember that particular night herself, and that she could relate to the experience he'd must have had as he put the pieces together the day prior. She did have one lingering question, however, and tentatively asked, "but Severus, why didn't you explain all of this yesterday?"
He sighed as he blushed and shook his head in embarrassment. "I should have, Hermione. I shouldn't have kept it to myself, but I was so confused by what I was seeing, and then I couldn't handle the myriad of emotions I was experiencing. Of course I was thrilled that you were carrying my child, but I was ashamed of myself for not taking the proper precautions that night no matter how we currently feel about the aftermath, and angry with myself I hadn't recognized what might have happened earlier when you told me about the baby." He sighed as he linked his fingers between her own and looked at her imploringly, "I almost threw everything away...a chance at happiness with you and a babe of our own because I was hung up on the idea that the child wasn't mine, and I can't believe I nearly missed the chance to share all of this with you because I was so self-conscious about being a father to a baby that wasn't mine and I didn't see the evidence practically screaming that there was a reason I was so drawn to you, and you wanted to share this so badly with me..."
Hermione nodded slowly, understanding how torn he must have felt between the joy of the moment and the regret that they hadn't pieced everything together sooner. "I'm sorry I doubted you Severus. I'm struggling to understand everything myself, even when I've had you to guide me through what you realized in a heartbeat yesterday. If how I handled everything is too much...if this makes you think differently..."
"About us?" Severus interrupted, taken aback that she would worry he would feel differently, especially now that he knew it was his child she was carrying. He pulled her to him swiftly and lowered his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss. Breaking apart momentarily, he rested his forehead against hers as he gently wiped away the tears that had started freely flowing down her face and reassured her lovingly, "Don't doubt how much I care for you, Hermione. My anger is with myself, never with you." he added as he lowered his lips to hers again.
Wrapping her arms around his neck Hermione deepened the kiss as she began to feel overwhelmed with joy that the baby was Severus's. There was still so much to figure out, so much to decide about their future together including whether they would pursue the trial at St. Mungo's and hopefully recover her memories, but all she could think about in that moment was the pure elation she felt that her passion for the man holding her in his arms was what led to the creation of the life she carried inside her. Pulling away from him momentarily she sighed, "Severus, I feel like I might burst with happiness. This all feels so surreal."
"I know, love. I've found myself feeling that way since I realized..." he drew a stuttering breath, clearly attempting to control his emotional reaction and failing to do so. He placed a hand over the swell of their baby as his eyes welled with tears of happiness. "After all the wrong I've done in my life, I can't believe..."he choked up, unable to finish.
"I know, my love, this is all so unbelievable, but you deserve every bit of that happiness, Severus." Hermione smiled as she brushed a tear from his cheek and drew him in for another tender kiss. She curled up into his side as he wrapped his arm around her waist and stroked her belly lovingly as he placed a kiss atop her head. They knew they still had much to discuss, but for now, they were content to simply sit and appreciate the happiness of all they had discovered.
A/N: How's everybody feeling? Whew...that was a fun ride wasn't it?! So now our lovebirds are finally on the same page and can tackle some of the other challenges such as attempting to restore Hermione's memories and possibly collaborate on research to do the same for her parents! We're not done yet, and there's still much more to come in this story! I love seeing your reviews/favorites/follows-I know I've said it before, but they keep me extremely motivated to write more quickly. As long as my workload stays relatively consistent, I'm hoping to continue updating twice weekly until this is finished!
I hope this is a happy surprise that I'm getting this next chapter (and a slightly longer one at that!) to you all a little earlier than I expected! I'm planning to have the next chapter to you all sometime early next week, depending on how much writing I'm able to get done during our virtual Easter celebrations. Are any of the rest of you doing anything interesting to try to celebrate? We're planning to virtually attend my collegiate chapel's online service on Sunday morning as well as do a family Easter Dinner on Zoom with my parents and my sister and her husband on Sunday night.
I hope everyone is continuing to stay healthy and relatively sane! Both hubby and I are still symptom-free and we're almost two weeks removed from when he was exposed so fingers crossed we get through the next few days so we can breathe a sigh of relief!
