After weeks of searching for clues and telling Sakura to fuck off while feeling the presence of two pale eyes lingering over his shoulder, Jon finally managed to track down Sasuke's whereabouts. What he was about to discover blew his mind. It was so crafty, so malicious, so... Sasuke.
Jon dispelled the illusions that hid the entrance to where Sasuke was being held. He then threw Kiba a pair of Naruto's boxers and told him to fuck off. Kiba fucked off.
Walking down the dank cave hideout, Jon came to a room with test toobs and beakers and strange liquids going from one to the other or maybe from the other to one. Glowing shit was all around. They looked like ordinary lights, but Jon knew better, so he blew them up, causing the place to go pitch dark. They were just lights. So Jon ran outside and cut down a tree with his "Puny Bitch Chidori," which is what he refers to regular chidori as. He then lifted up a twenty foot section and lit it on fire, taking it into the secret cave as a torch.
Deeper into the cave he began to smell Sasuke. Being around Kiba rubbed off on him a bit and he could now smell better, but not as well as the Asssniffer.
It was behind this last door that most shock was found. Two Sasukes! And one was laughing! While the other was tied in ropes!
"Haha, I see you have finally stumbled upon my lair," the evil Sasuke said.
"What are you talking about? What's going on?" inquired Jon. He took his signature fighting stance: standing completely relaxed as fuck.
"Haha, you see, don't you think it odd that people aren't as you remember them? That's why I brought you here."
"I find nothing odd, cept why you didn't just tell me what the fuck you were thinking instead of bringing me here."
"Haven't you felt it?" evil Sasuke asked. He had a strange look on his face. One like he was revealing some great truth to Jon.
"What, you mean this creepy Hinata?"
"Yes! I knew she'd only come to meet us all if she followed Sakura who followed you!"
"What? Sakura's here?" Jon asked, looking around. "FFS," he said, "I told you to stay home!"
Kiba came into the cave and transformed into Sakura!
"OMG!" Jon omged.
"Yes!" Sasuke said, "now you begin to see! You are weak now! Too weak to even see such things right under your mouth!"
"Good me!" Jon shouted. "Okay, I am listening!"
"Good, good," Sasuke says, writhing his hands together evilly. He then walks over to the other Sasuke and rips off the mouth bounds that Jon had just now noticed. They were flesh colored or something. I dunno, but I aint going back to add that into the previous description, even though this is absolutely taking more time, effort, and words.
"Sasuke!" Jon shouts, "what's going on?!"
"Jon, you see, I too needed this plan to work, so I cloned and kidnapped myself!"
Jon gasps.
"It's true, but my sciencing was too good, you see," Sasuke begins, but Jon isn't listening. He's scowling at the evil Sasuke. He knows what's going on. Sasuke purged his evil and made this thing! Jon has a plan though!
"So, you did all this for the greater good," he says to evil Sasuke.
"That's right!" evil Sasuke proclaims.
"That's awesome," Jon says while thinking sneakily that it isn't. But he instead says, "I want to help you fix this problem!" Jon recognizes the only problem being that he's not having an orgy right now, but he pretends otherwise that that aint his probs.
"Awesome! Let's change the world!" evil Sasuke says.
"Good, good, now that I have your trust I will betray you!" Jon says.
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing," Jon says while walking towards evil Sasuke.
"Don't!" good Sasuke shouts. But it's too late! Jon punches evil Sasuke in the face! But he doesn't disappear! "I tried to warn you! I science too good! This clone...is stronger than the original! Now he's mad!"
"Now I'm mad!" evil Sasuke yells. He kicks Jon straight across the caveroom!
Jon is laying in rubble of rocks and dust. He's groggy and shakes his head. He's never felt this before! Pain caused by another person! "THE FUCK!" Jon shouts.
Sakura runs to him, shielding him with her own body! Evil Sasuke shoves her aside!
"Noooo!" Jon yells.
"He's too strong to defeat by yourself," 'good' Sasuke says.
But Jon has no opening to move!
But just then, Hinata jumps out of the shadows, pulls out a pocket knife, and stabs clone Sasuke!
In that time, Jon runs over to good Sasuke and unties him. "I know just the thing," he whispers to Sasuke, "reflect off my eye souls and copy me!" Sasuke nods and Jon gets into a ridiculous pose. "Fuuuuuu-sion-HAH!" They both do the dance and bam!
"Alright! Josuke is born!" says the fused being, now posing wicked epickly.
"Hahaha, you think that scares me?" evil Sasuke says, backhanding Hinata away from him. He then pulls the knife out of his back and throws it at her. It cuts into her left breast, which mysteriously deflates.
"NO!" Sakura shouts, running over to Hinata. She takes her into her arms, pulls the knife out, then starts performing medical ninjustsu.
"Enough of this!" Sasuke shouts. "Susano'o!"
"Wow!" Josuke exclaims, "I aint never seen a Stand like that! Let me show you mine!" Josuke begins to glow. And glow. And glow.
Evil Sasuke blinks. "Is anything happening?"
"Yes!" Josuke says, then poses even more epicly than before. "I have just sacrificed half my power to increase my Style Points!"
Sasuke laughs. "So what?" But then, Josuke starts striking more awesome poses. High kicks in the air, wicked hard to pull one legged poses frozen in the air and shit, the color pallet changes, and Josuke makes hand motions obstructing vision of his face.
"Dope! Crazy!" he shouts, while continuing to pose. "Blast! Alright! Sweet! Sshowtime! Ssstylish!"
"Noooo!" Sasuke shouts, then explodes from within his construct.
Josuke then makes out with himself.
