"No, no, no." Soda began backing up away. He walked in while Steve, Dally, and Two-Bit surrounded the phone. He could feel the tension immediately. Steve told him the news straight up. "That can't be. Ev-Ev-Everything was going good. It was going right!"

"Soda, we don't know anything..." Two-Bit began saying.

"Everything was going right! Why is this happening?" Soda yelled, "I said he can come home no matter what! I don't care if he needs help to walk or to eat or to do fucking anything!"

"Okay, okay, let's go for a walk," Two-Bit decided to make the immediate decision to get Soda out of the house, knowing no one was going to verbally be able to calm him down right now. He gently grabbed Soda by the arm and began leading him to the front door.

"I don't care how he is, he just has to come home! I don't understand! I don't get it!"

"Just hold on, let's go walk for a minute," Two-Bit said as he lead a crying Soda out the door.

When the silence hit the house, Dally and Steve just looked at each other.

"This isn't good, is it?" Dally asked, "What else did Darry say?"

Steve took a long sigh, "Nothing else. Just that Ponyboy had another seizure."


"I have to go see him, I have to go see Ponyboy," Soda begged. Two-Bit had walked Soda to the park, and he was attempting to keep up with the panicking Soda as he walked all over the place.

"I'm sure we can go," Two-Bit assured, "But you definitely can't go like this. You need to get yourself together first. Darry can't be worrying about you like this."

"Two-Bit, this wasn't suppose to happen."

"I know Soda, I know."

"Why is it happening?" Soda demanded, "Why? He doesn't deserve this!"

"You're right he doesn't, but I don't have answers for you on why it's happening. We have to keep our hopes up. I know it's easier said than done, but you just have to. You can yell and you can cry, but you can't let your hope fall."

Soda sat down onto the grass and wiped at his tear-stained face, "It's hard. It's getting too hard."

Two-Bit sat down, joining Soda, "I know it is. I know you probably just want to give up, but you can't do that. You have to stay strong. We are all here to help you stay strong." Soda didn't say anymore. He let the last bit of tears fall as he took some deep breaths. His heart was aching. His mind was racing. He felt his faith fading.

A car pulled up to the park. It was Steve and Dally. Without any words, Two-Bit and Soda got up and walked over. They both went to each side of the car and climbed in the back. No one said anything as Steve pulled away from the park. Soda didn't even have to ask, he already knew they were going to the hospital.

No one said a word the whole car ride. Steve could hear Soda attempting to hide his crying in the back. He knew there were no words to stop the crying. There were no magic words to release the pain his best friend was carrying. The greasers had no idea what they could be walking into. Earlier that day, they were told Pony could be a handicapped mess, and now he had a seizure.

Steve pulled into the parking lot, and the group walked inside. Steve kept his arm around Soda, being his rock, while Dally and Two-Bit walked ahead of them. Leaning over, Steve spoke low to Soda, "You got this buddy. You got this. Be strong."

As they entered the oldest greaser's room, Darry looked like the rug was pulled right from under him. He didn't look like the strong man that was going to make everything okay. That worried Steve, knowing Soda had probably hoped he could depend on Darry's guidance through this. Darry had gotten the news first though and he was clearly still processing it.

"Hey Darry," Two-Bit greeted.

Soda hurried over and nearly landed onto Darry. Wrapping his arms around his little brother, Darry looked like he had to hold back his own tears.

"Darry what happened?" Soda sobbed into Darry's chest.

Darry took a deep breath, "I don't know. Johnny actually came by to see Pony and a seizure happened while he was in there."

"Damnit," Dally threw his head back and looked at the ceiling. He couldn't imagine what Johnny was thinking or feeling right now. "Do you know where Johnny went?" Darry shook his head. "Well, I'm going to go find that kid then. Fuck."

"Good deal. Go check on him," Two-Bit said. Everyone said their goodbyes as Dally left the room in a huff.

"Soda," Darry lifted Soda slightly off his chest, "Why don't you go see Pony?"

Soda shook a little, "I don't know if I can. I can't watch another seizure."

"I think he's stable little buddy, just go see him," Darry said. Soda was scared to, but he listened to Darry as he got up and walked next door.

There was a couple minutes of silence before Steve spoke up. "There's more isn't there?"


Soda didn't say anything to Pony right away. He felt his heart slow down, as if he was preparing for a seizure to start. Fear was overcoming him, but he went back to Steve's words to him. You got this. Be strong.

"Be strong," Soda repeated to himself, "Just be strong."

Soda brought air into his lungs, feeling them expand as far as they'd go. He counted to five and let the air slowly empty out of his lungs. Be strong.

"Oh Pony, what's going on?" Soda asked. He felt a lump in his throat as he looked at his little brother. You got this. "Why did this happen?" Soda couldn't help as tears rolled down his face. Be strong, be strong, be strong. "I don't understand what's going on. I'm scared to ask what's going on. I'm scared to find anything out. I just want to have faith, but is that even enough?" Soda got up and walked around the room. "I feel so...overwhelmed about you and my questions. My chest feels so tight, like a lot is going on in there and I can't keep up with my own body." Soda walked over to the window and looked outside. "I can't keep up with all of this."

Be strong.


It was a quiet drive back home. Steve and Two-Bit had small talk that didn't relate to the day's events, but Soda didn't let out a single word. When they arrived at the house, Soda went straight upstairs to his room. Steve and Two-Bit didn't want to bother him. They went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers.

"Hope Dally found Johnny," Two-Bit said.

Steve nodded, "I'm sure he did. I hope he's okay. Soda shouldn't have ever seen a seizure. Johnny shouldn't have seen one either."

"I'm sure Johnny got a little fucked up from seeing that," Two-Bit added.

"I know," Steve said quietly, "Are you going to be heading home?"

Two-Bit shrugged, "Do you want me to stay? Do you think Soda will have trouble tonight?"

Steve looked down to the floor, "I'll give him one of my pills. You can go home if you want. I have a feeling we'll be going back to the hospital early."

"Just to visit for Soda's sake?"

"Yeah," Steve responded, "I don't think they are going to try putting Pony back to sleep again. He had the one seizure and they are just letting things continue on."

Two-Bit shuffled uneasily, "Do you think the seizures have something to do with the brain damage?"

"I don't know. I'm sure they can. It's one of those things that we won't know the answer to, we may never know for sure if that's what caused anything."

"Damn," Two-Bit muttered, "Do you want me to meet you at the hospital tomorrow?"

Steve shook his head, "You don't have to."

"Alright, well call me if you need anything?"

Steve nodded, "Thanks Two-Bit."

As Two-Bit left the house, Steve went upstairs and into the bedroom. He found Soda laying on the bed, his shoulders shaking with his face buried into the pillow. Walking inside, Steve took a seat on the bed and placed a hand on Soda's back. He continued to shake as he let the pillow soak his tears. "Soda? Come on buddy," Steve said, "I know this is a lot."

"I wish I could have just stayed there," Soda turned his head to speak, "Darry could use me there. Being there alone can't be helping him."

"I know buddy, I know. I'm going to let you have my medicine tonight to just get you through the night. We'll go back in the morning, okay?"

Soda slowly nodded, not arguing against any aid to help the night go faster. He swallowed a pill and got himself under the covers. "As I was talking to Pony, I kept remembering what you told me. Just to be staying strong. It helped me get through talking to him some."

"I'm glad."

Soda reached over and took a hold of Steve's hand, "Thank you Steve. I know I've probably said it a lot, but thank you for not just flaking out on me. I don't know where I'd be right now without you."

Steve squeezed against Soda's grip, "I'm not going anywhere."


As Steve expected, he wasn't going to get sleep that night. He was okay with that though. With how much had happened in the short amount of time, he didn't think his medicine would help him get much sleep anyway. As soon as Soda fell into a deep slumber, Steve got up and went downstairs. He grabbed a beer and went out to the backyard. Feeling the cool air, Steve picked up the basketball and began shooting hoops.

As much as everyone was telling Soda to keep the faith in the situation, Steve could feel his own faith sliding away. Nothing seemed to be approving. The conversation between Steve and Darry while Soda was with Pony wasn't a hopeful one. Darry didn't have much to say. He didn't seem to know what he was thinking or how he was feeling. It worried Steve. Darry couldn't be losing hope, because Soda needed him to be his reassurance that things were going to be heading upward someday.

When Steve felt himself getting a little tired from the basketball, he went back to sit on the porch. He took more swigs of his beer as the light breeze blew across his face. As soothing as it was, he felt the anxiety fill his heart.

Looking up at the night sky, Steve felt tears come to his eyes. "Why is this happening?" he asked, "Why can't things just be okay?"

Steve couldn't fight anymore as the tears flowed down and he began to cry. "I don't know how much more I can handle." The more words he spoke, the more pain he began to feel in his heart, and the harder he cried. He told Soda he wasn't going anywhere and he was wanting Soda to be strong, but Steve could feel himself become weak.

"I can't do this anymore."


Soda and Steve headed to the hospital first thing the next morning. Steve never went to bed, but he wasn't feeling too anxious since he cried so much. It had felt good to cry like that though.

"I want to go see Pony first," Soda said as they entered the hospital.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Steve asked.

Soda shook his head, "No, you can go hang out with Darry." Steve felt a little relief in his heart that Soda was feeling brave enough to go see Ponyboy himself.

Keeping his head up and having a hopeful mindset, Soda walked into Ponyboy's room. He took a seat and grabbed his little brother's hand.

"Hey Pony. I feel like apologizing for yesterday. I was not in a good place, and I really shouldn't have visited you. I was desperate to see you, but I don't think I should have the way my brain was. You scared me though...you scared all of us. You had another seizure and I still have no idea what to think of that. Is it a bad sign? Is it a big deal or am I overreacting to it? We were told you could have brain damage and could need help the rest of your life," Soda went on and squeezed Pony's hand, "But I just want you to know that I don't care what damage you could have. You come home, and nothing will change between us."


"How is he doing?"

"He seems okay actually," Steve replied to Darry, "Better than I was last night."

With that comment, Darry knew he should check in on Steve's state as well. "Well how are you doing?"

Steve shrugged, "I don't know. I did kind of lose it last night."

"You probably needed it."

Steve nodded, "It did feel good to let it all out. I..."

Before Steve could finish, there was a sudden commotion outside the room.

"What is going on?" Darry asked.

"I don't know," Steve said as he got up and peeked out the door. The door to Pony's room was open, doctors going in and Soda coming out. A loud, still beep echoed from the room.