No. It .. it can't be. Is this the guise the guide always takes - your greatest nightmare? No, Clint would've mentioned that. What did Clint say about the guide?
It's funny how memory works. Sometimes, your brain can call to mind the exact memory you need when you need it. Hawkeye's words on the dock come right back to Steve. " … the red floating guide …"
But … how?! Why?!
The guide says nothing beyond his initial words of welcome. He just floats there and looks upon his old adversary and newest visitor. And he waits patiently for the response that he knows will eventually come.
Finally, Steve is able to put a few words together. "Red Skull?"
"I was called by that once. You may use that name if you would like, but it means nothing to me now."
This only furthers Steve's confusion. This looks like Red Skull, sounds like him (mostly), and even claims to be him (sort of), but this was not the Red Skull Captain America battled so long ago. Getting past the most obvious difference that Johann Schmidt was a person (kind of) and this is a phantom, the guide before him has none of Schmidt's overwhelming megalomania. Cap is truly at a loss on how to proceed. All he has are the questions bombarding his brain.
"How?" To his own surprise, Cap is more astounded than suspicious. By any standard, he has lived a life of absolute insanity, in which any assumption he ever made about the world—or himself—had been trampled on several times over. Yet, here he stands at 'the very center of celestial existence,' and in front of him stands his greatest nemesis! What good would suspicion and fighting do him?
But despite all that, Red Skull's response still surprises him. "Captain, I suspect you can deduce that answer." Steve doesn't know what answer he expected but he didn't expect that one. He now really sees that this is not Red Skull he once knew and fought long ago. There is nothing Red Skull wants more than the stage. Not just for people to cower at his feet, but even more to look upon him with awe and reverence. And Cap was ready in this moment to be his audience and hear his story. But the guide in front of him is clearly uninterested. And even crazier, he trusts Steve's ability to figure it out on his own. Is the Red Skull demonstrating … respect?
So taking the guide's advice, Cap decides to think through what he knows of Vormir and knew of Schmidt and how we would've gotten here and … yes, it all clicks.
"The Tesseract. The Space Stone. It didn't incinerate you back in '45. It banished you. Here."
"Yes. It seems that once again our lives have been parallel. Both of us frozen in time. And with fates not too dissimilar from what Dr. Erskine predicted. Mine of deserved damnation. Yours of righteous tortured heroism. "
The guide's words, though seemingly minor, hit harder than any punch or blast Cap has ever received. He stumbles under the weight of them and sits down on the closest rock he can find.
"I'm sorry, Captain. My desire was not to wound, though it was admittedly my aim. You are different than all who have returned the Soul Stone before you. You have not done the soul-searching that ultimately draws the (temporary) Stone keepers back to Vormir. But such self-discovery is necessary for all who come to return it. Try as you might, you cannot come to yourself again until you first become undone."
There is no malice in the guide's word. Just sorry and finality. His whole life, Steve's greatest fear has been vulnerability. Born with a body that was always a microbe away from death, he always had to guard against all manner of threats. Trust therefore was never a luxury. He couldn't trust his body to survive. He couldn't trust those he loved to stay. His parents, Bucky, Peggy—all taken. He couldn't trust his government, either during the war or after he woke from the ice. Even when he got his best friend back, he had to make sure he wouldn't go rogue. When he found a new team, he had to make sure they didn't go rogue. That is, until he went rogue, which made him even less trusting. And then when the greatest threat to the universe came to his world, even the trust he had in himself failed. But through all of it, he knew he had to stay strong. Dr. Erskine gave him physical strength, but he never forgot Erskine's final words—or more accurately, gesture—that his true strength came from within. So he never let himself break. Ever. A tear shed for lost friends and lost loves but nothing more. Until now.
Now, for the first time since his mother died - he cries. Not just shedding tears, like he did when Bucky fell, or when Peggy died, or when Nat didn't come back, or when Tony sacrificed himself, or when Frigga told him to live. This is face-soaked, snot-pouring, body-convulsing, bawled-out crying. Every tear and weep that Captain Rogers had kept trapped inside for so long finally escapes.
But why? Steve tries to analyze his own feelings. The guide's words were clear, so his only way out of these tears is to go through them. His first thought is that he might be experiencing that old Alexander the Great cliché: that he is weeping because there are no more worlds to conquer, or in this case monsters to battle. Red Skull had haunted his dreams while he slept in ice and, even after battling Thanos, still personifies everything he fears and hates. And yet here he is, sullen and humbled. Cap is reminded of Thanos's final moments – broken and stunned as his legions turned to dust, and then simply bowing down as he himself became ash. All the monsters are defeated. Where does that leave me?
But no, Steve realizes, that's not it. There will always be more monsters. They'll either come from the skies, or we'll create them ourselves. Well, not "we," I've never—
And then he realizes what it is. It's not that Red Skull represents his fears, but rather that Johann Schmidt represents his pride. Schmidt long epitomized to Steve those who believe their intelligence and "vision" make them deserving of power. But Captain America knows that his purity of heart makes him truly superior to all that. He's a genuine hero, a genuine savior—better than Schmidt, better than Thanos. Better than Iron Man. That he misjudged the heroism of Tony Stark is no new revelation. But, as the blood-stained hands that ended Dr. Zola's life wipe the final tears away, Cap realizes he misjudged his own heroism as well. This Red Skull, the guide of Vormir, sees Captain America for who he truly is or has become—a righteous hero, yes, his aim always to help and never to hurt anybody or rule over anybody. But also a tortured hero, so painfully so, fighting for a victory that can never be won and a pride built on crumbling sand. So now, as he sits before his first and final enemy, Steve Rogers accepts that Captain America is done.
As he goes over this all in his mind, the guide again waits patiently. Watching tortured souls come to terms with who they are is old hat for him. Cap stands up and is about to say something when the guide silences him by raising a red hand from his ghostly cloak. "Our time together is now finished. It is time for what you actually came here to receive." Cap is speechless and confused as the guide, with that hand, performs what has become the most hated gesture in all the known universe. He snaps.
And the world goes black. Or rather, orange.
He sees what look to be pews, and he is hit by a familiar yearning. He then hears a familiar voice.
"So this is what your soul longs for?"
Steve turns and sees his lost sister. "Nat." He's not really that surprised. He may be beyond surprise at this point.
"Yes. And no."
No? Oh. "You're the Soul Stone."
"Yes. But I am also Natasha Romanoff. She gave herself to me, so that another might possess me. So she is now one with me. But as my guide has already told you, this was an exchange unlike any before it. So you are being awarded privileges unlike any ever given."
"Privileges?"
"The one who I become one with is typically quite angry and hurt by the (temporary) keeper. Therefore, their time here is to show them what they have given up to possess me, so that they might be driven mad with regret and despair. But this different. Steve, you couldn't sacrifice someone if your life depended on it. Or even if the whole universe depended on it. And because of my — Natasha's — sacrifice and your service in my return to Vormir, there is no regret or despair to give. So instead, I am willing to give you this." Natasha waves her arm at the surroundings, the orange shadow of a church. "Your greatest desire."
Yes, this is his greatest desire. Or was. To be here, at Peggy's funeral. Not as a pallbearer, not as the one who carries the casket. But as the one who lays in it with her. And here Natasha stands before him, looking exactly as she did that day. For it was here that Steve finally fully trusted her, when she came not as a teammate but as a friend. Not to convince him or manipulate him, but simply to console him. That moment in the church when she hugged him was the closest he ever came to breaking down, and maybe if he had done it then, he wouldn't have to have done it with the Red Skull.
"You've earned this rest, Steve, and you can have it. I don't need to snap a finger. Just ask, and you and Peggy can have that final rest together."
Had he not been all cried out, this would have been the moment. But he has, so it's not. In fact, rather than being overwhelmed by emotions, Steve's mind is so clear that he fully understands what's happening.
"This was the dream once. But I think you know that it's not anymore."
Natasha smiles her sharp but soft, knowing and oh-so-familiar smile. "Yes, I do. But I'm even more glad that you know. Your visit with Frigga made this much easier than it would've been. So tell me: what is the dream now?"
He knows the answer, but he first he must ask the question he has most feared asking.
"Does she want me? And … do I really want her … or just the dream?"
"What you both want most is to try."
However one measures time in this netherworld, several of those measurements pass by before he answers. "Yes, I do."
Natasha's watery eyes smile one last time, and then the orange world disappears.
Only one chapter left! Thanks so much to all who have read and commented thus far. The comments are so appreciated, so please keep them coming! Special props to Arrowverse Fan 217, who has commented on multiple chapters. And though I have a general idea on how I want to end this, I would love to hear from y'all about any ideas you may have.
