Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. The occasional scenes from episodes of Criminal Minds in this story belong to the writers of Criminal Minds and CBS. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Shout out to criminalmindsrocks, fishtrek, lolyncut, and Daisyangel for reviewing chapter 30.

Happy Valentine's Day on this -15 degree day everyone! I am going out to lunch with my boyfriend today.

Great news everyone, turns out that my grandmother doesn't have lung cancer!

A small spoiler for Saturday because of a certain art teacher that Diana might adore.


Spencer woke up to being peppered with kisses by Diana, Bridget, and Evan while Ariel and Caden were both chanting 'Dada' causing him to reach over for his glasses and slipped them on and looked at the alarm clock, "What's with the wake-up call at 7:00 AM on a Saturday morning?" asked Spencer.

"Happy birthday, daddy!" chorused Diana, Bridget, and Evan.

"Dada!" said Ariel and Caden in unison.

At that moment Evan's stomach growled causing him to lift his pajama shirt and pat his tummy, "Please stop."

Spencer laughed, "Let's go see about breakfast, tadpole."

Diana grinned, "Grandma Lydia, Lucy, and mommy are making chocolate chip and peanut butter chip pancakes, turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, and breakfast pizza right now."

"Do I have to take you five munchkins downstairs or are we eating breakfast in here?" asked Spencer.

"We go downstairs to eat breakfast since Ariel and Caden are having scrambled eggs," said Diana.

"Then let's go downstairs," said Spencer.

A few minutes later Spencer was entering the kitchen with Diana, Bridget, Evan, Ariel, and Caden where he saw a banner that said HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY DADDY while his wife pulled him into a kiss.

"Happy birthday, Spence," said Clarissa.

Spencer smiled, "Thank you."

After Spencer was hugged by his grandparents, Lucy and Anthony, the nine Reids and soon to be two Brunos were sitting around the breakfast nook eating their big breakfast.


After eating breakfast, Spencer opened up his gift from Diana, Bridget, Evan, Ariel, and Caden and he started to release a few tears as he saw a photo album that said WE LOVE OUR DADDY. As he paged through the photo album, he was tearing up when he saw a page that contained a picture of him holding Diana for the first time, a purple hand-print of Diana's, a professional photograph of Diana that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY written in Diana's cursive handwriting. He continued to page through the photo album only to see that Bridget's page has a picture of him holding Bridget for the first time, Bridget's hand-print in pink paint, a professional portrait of Bridget, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY written in Bridget's handwriting in capital letters. He paged through the remainder of the album only to see the same type of pictures that involves Evan and Evan's hand-print while Clarissa wrote HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY and the fourth and fifth pages having the same theme that involves Ariel and Caden when it came to handprints and Clarissa's writing.

"Do you love it, daddy?" asked Diana.

Spencer nodded as he hugged his oldest daughter who would be turning seven in two months and 12 days, "Best joint birthday present from you and your siblings, bumblebee."

"Mom wanted to just do a photo frame and the same pictures, but I suggested a photo album so my siblings and I can include our handprints," said Diana as she grabbed a box from the coffee table, "My school's new art teacher Ms. Brenner had me paint a piece of pottery as a birthday gift for you in school, daddy."

Spencer opened up the package and smiled as he found a clay mug that Diana painted a picture of them together with glaze on one side while her upside-down hand-print was painted to look like an elephant on the second side, "You are quite the artist, Diana."

"Ms. Brenner said the same thing since I showed her some of the drawings I drew here," said Diana.

"Ms. Brenner has a nephew named Sammy and he is in my preschool class," said Bridget as she wrinkled her nose in disgust, "Sammy likes to kiss me during playtime."

"What is it with a six-year-old Sammy and a three-year-old Sammy kissing my six-year-old and three-year-old daughters?" asked Spencer to himself before looking at Ariel who was sitting on his lap, "If you have a classmate named Sammy in preschool, you'll be going to an all-girls private school so no boys can kiss you when you start school."

Ariel grinned and babbled at her father before trying to reach for her daddy's glasses.

"No no no, princess. Daddy needs his glasses to see you," said Spencer.

Clarissa looked at the clock, "It's time to get dressed since our family portraits are in two hours."

"Will I have a solo picture taken again?" asked Diana.

Clarissa shook her head, "Nope."

A few minutes later Spencer, Clarissa, Diana, Bridget, Evan, and Caden were getting ready for their family portrait session.


Two hours later the Reid family's favorite photographer Kenneth was taking some pictures of the seven Reids together before he made sure to take pictures of Spencer with his five kids, Clarissa with her five kids, the three Reid sisters together, the two Reid brothers together, pictures of Spencer with his daughters, pictures of Spencer with his sons which included one of the pictures having the three Reid men be shirtless at Clarissa's request, pictures of Clarissa with her daughters, pictures of Clarissa with her sons, pictures of Spencer and Clarissa together, pictures of each parent with one child at a time.


Later on, that day after lunch that included Spencer blowing out the birthday candles on the cake Lucy made, Spencer, Clarissa, Diana, Bridget, and Evan were going through the Farmer's Market at their favorite park buying pumpkins for Halloween while 10-month-old twins Ariel and Caden were at home napping when a three-year-old boy with wild red hair ran over to them.

"Hi, Bridget," said the boy as he pulled Bridget into a kiss on the lips.

Bridget quickly bit Sammy's arm and stomped on Sammy's foot causing Sammy to stop kissing her before she gave her classmate her 'Hotchner glare', "Please don't kiss me, Sammy. Daddy said no boys can kiss me until I turn 30."

Spencer smiled as he thought about being proud of Bridget for making a boy stop kissing her while Clarissa had other plans.

"Bridget Mackenzie Reid, you don't bite anyone or stomp on their foot to make them stop doing something you don't like. You just earned a three-minute-long timeout before you can play," said Clarissa firmly as she placed her pouting three-year-old daughter on a bench.

Bridget nodded, "Yes, ma'am.

At that moment a younger woman ran over to them and quickly recognized Clarissa, Diana, and Bridget who were with an unfamiliar man who looked like a short-haired hazel-eyed version of Diana and a toddler who was sleeping in a stroller causing her to realize that she's about to meet the father of one of her favorite pupils and her nephew's friend, "Sammy, you can't run off so you can run over to your classmate and pull her into a kiss. You could have been taken by someone you don't know while you were on your way to one of your friends," said the woman before looking at Clarissa, "I'm so sorry about Sammy's behavior, Clarissa."

"It's OK, Max," said Clarissa before gesturing to Spencer, "Max, I want you to meet my husband Dr. Spencer Reid. Work has been keeping him from attending PTA meetings since the first day of school."

"It's nice to meet the famous Dr. Reid that Clarissa, Diana, Mr. Dawson, and Mrs. O'Conner were talking about," said Max.

Sammy hid behind his aunt, "I don't like doctors. They give me shots."

Spencer chuckled while thinking that Tobias Hankel made him slightly afraid of needles now, "Even though shots can keep you from getting sick, I hate getting shots too, Sammy. Thankfully, I'm not that type of doctor, Sammy," said Spencer as he pulled a quarter out of Sammy's ear causing the three-year-old boy to laugh and question at how he did it, "Aside from being a magician, I'm just a doctor who loved school so much that I became a doctor in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering."

"Daddy also has three bachelor degrees in psychology, sociology, and philosophy and I hope to earn a lot of degrees and become an FBI agent like daddy someday," said Diana before looking at her art teacher, "Daddy loved my mug, Ms. Brenner."

"I knew that he would love the mug since you told me that he loves Babar the elephant and he loves it when you draw pictures of you spending time with him," said Max before looking at Spencer, "Diana is such a delight to have as a student. Her arts and craft skills are very advanced for a six-year-old and I'm impressed at her knowledge about famous artwork."

"One of my former high school classmates who was a big brother to me during my childhood owns an art gallery in Hollywood, so Diana loves visiting art museums, drawing, painting, and sculpting when she's not buried in books or figure skating," said Spencer before looking at his watch and saw that it has been three minutes since Clarissa started giving Bridget a timeout, "Your timeout is over and you know the rules about what happens after, Bridget."

Bridget got off the bench and walked over to Sammy, "I'm sorry for biting you and stomping on your foot, Sammy. Please don't kiss me again because I only let my daddy, uncle Aaron, grandpa Evan, my cousins Jack and Wesley, and my little brother Evan be the boys who kiss me," said Bridget before she reluctantly hugged Sammy.

"I sorry too," said Sammy.

Bridget saw some playground equipment up ahead, "Want to go down the slide with me?" asked Bridget.

Sammy grinned as he grabbed Bridget's hand, "Yes."

A minute later the Reid family, Max, and Sammy were heading to the playground equipment when an impressed Max looked at Spencer and Clarissa who were either muttering under his breath about regretting on not sending his daughters to an all-girl school while needing to build a moat or is smiling lovingly as she shook her head at her husband who was watching Bridget and Sammy who were both holding hands like a hawk as they headed to the playground equipment, "You two are great at disciplining your child."

"As a profiler for the FBI, I saw what children who were beaten by their parents can turn out to be," said Spencer.

"Plus I have taken care of children who have broken tailbones or bruised bottoms or backs from their parents spanking them. I have lost count on how many times I have called child protection services and the police on the parents who spank or beat their children at Children's National and Washington International School," said Clarissa sadly.

"Either way, the kids love having you be their nurse at school," said Max before thinking about knowing that Diana will be turning seven in less than two months, "How long have you two known each other?" asked Max.

"We met on November 30th of 2000," said Clarissa.

Spencer glanced towards the playground equipment where Diana was catching Bridget who was going down the slide before she caught Sammy, "We've been married since November 30th of 2002."

"Kudos for getting close to the 10th anniversary of the day you two met. Hopefully, I find love someday," said Max.

"Hopefully you find someone great someday. Aside from watching you interact with your nephew at lunchtime, you're great with the children in your art classes, so I have faith in you for becoming a great mother someday," said Clarissa.

At that moment Evan woke up causing Diana to insist on having everyone play a game called hospital tag.


After playing two games of hospital tag, a sprinkler nearby turned on causing Diana and Evan to start to run through it before Clarissa pushed her husband into the sprinkler causing Spencer to lift his wife and carry her into the sprinkler while an amused Max was shaking her head as she pushed Bridget and Sammy on the swing.

"Mommy and daddy can get silly when they want to, Miss Brenner," said Diana.

"I see that, Bridget," said Max.

Sammy looked at Bridget, "You go trick or treating on Halloween?" asked Sammy.

Bridget nodded, "Daddy will be Gru, I will be Angus, Diana be Margo, Ariel be Edith, and mommy, Evan, and Caden be Minions from "Despicable Me"."

"Good choice, Bridget," said Max.

"I please be a Minion for you?" asked Sammy.

"Yes," said Bridget.


Later on that night Spencer and Clarissa were eating the cannelloni that was stuffed with hamburger meat and covered with homemade tomato sauce, a vegetable salad, and homemade tiramisu for dessert that Clarissa made for dinner when Spencer looked at his wife as he took a sip of a rare glass of wine, "I can't believe that mom and dad took the kids in for the night, Lucy and Anthony are staying in one of Rossi's guest bedrooms, while grandma Lydia and grandpa Evan are staying at Aunt Mary's house tonight," said Spencer.

"Everyone thought that we deserved a child-free night for your birthday," said Clarissa before looking into the eyes she fell in love with almost 10 years ago, "Plus when we're done eating, I have one last birthday present for you to open underneath my dress."

Spencer felt his pants start to tighten as he thought about seeing a shopping bag from Victoria's Secret, "Can we stop eating now?"

Clarissa shook her head, "Nope. We're going to need to eat a lot of calories for us to burn tonight, so please slowly finish your dinner and eat your coffee dessert."

Spencer pouted at his wife before he reluctantly followed his wife's orders.


Three hours later a naked Clarissa was straddling her naked husband as she fed her husband some birthday cake when Clarissa looked at her husband, "I hope that you've enjoyed your birthday today, Spence," said Clarissa.

Spencer smiled, "This birthday was better than last year's since I'm not on crutches or in a wheelchair this time."

Clarissa placed the empty plate and fork onto the nightstand, "Just wait until we celebrate your big 3-0 next year since my plans for you are going to top all our birthdays we celebrated together," said Clarissa before she grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup and squirted it on her husband's chest and started to lick her husband clean.


Three days later Spencer was standing with his sister-in-law and Detective Crowley watching their teammates interrogate their unsub's wife Maryann when his brother-in-law joined them.

"She's not going to give him up," said Hotch.

Spencer thought about them profiling their unsub as an alpha male, "She's the wife of an alpha male. She depends on him psychologically."

"Is there any chance that the unsub is the father?" asked Emily.

Spencer shook his head, "Garcia said the prostate surgery was over a year ago, and there's no record of insemination."

"So how do we get her to admit it?" asked Hotch.

Spencer quickly formulated a plan, "We need to ground her back into reality, give her something to hold on to for truth," said Spencer before looking at Detective Crowley, "Did you get those files we asked for, the unsolved murders?" asked Spencer.

"Yeah. I can have them here in five minutes," said Detective Crowley.

"Great, thanks," said Spencer before looking at Hotch and Emily, "If the unsub did kill someone in those files, it's most likely the father of her child. If it's an old swinging partner, he'd be easy to track down."

"That's risky. If we show her the files and he's not in there, we could lose her for good," said Hotch.

Emily thought about knowing that her brother-in-law was right, "Yeah, but if the father is in there, it could shake her loose. That baby is the only thing she would prioritize over her husband," said Emily as she pointed to the room that Maryann was in.

Spencer looked at his brother-in-law, "I think I can do it. I can get her to cooperate."

"How?" asked Hotch.

"Right now, two alpha males are in there attacking her marriage. She'll react the same way to anyone challenging her husband's dominance. But I'm not a threat. I think she'll listen to me," said Spencer.

A few minutes later Spencer was sitting across from Maryann.

"So, I read this pretty fascinating theory recently. It said that humans weren't designed to be monogamous, that in our hunter-gatherer phase, women took several mates. The idea was that if the men in the tribe didn't know who the father was, they'd all be more invested in the child. Interesting, right?" asked Spencer.

Maryann looked at Spencer as she saw the younger agent's wedding band, "I guess."

"Truthfully, your lifestyle is, um, it's a sociological marvel. Don't get me wrong. I don't judge it or you. But I do think that the only reason you got into that was to make your husband happy. Just like you only got pregnant after his surgery to make him happy, I don't think that it's working," said Spencer sadly.

"That's not true. James is overjoyed to be a father," protested Maryann.

"So he didn't change around, like, month four or five of the pregnancy when you started to show? He didn't get moody or withdrawn or anything?" asked Spencer.

Maryann stayed silent.

"How about last night, when he came home with cuts and bruises? Didn't you ask him about that?" asked Spencer.

"No," said Maryann.

Spencer took a breath and spoke in a gentle voice that he uses for his children, nieces, and nephews, "So, Maryann, I know this is hard to hear, but I think that your pregnancy drove your husband to try to recreate those parties so he could feel in control again. Only, instead of swinging, he's killing people."

"Why won't you people listen to me? He's not capable of doing that," said Maryann firmly.

"How about killing the man who got you pregnant? Do you think he's capable of that?" asked Spencer.

"No. Because you'd be lying. This is his baby," said Maryann firmly.

Spencer closed his eyes a bit as he looked at the files in front of him, "These files are recent unsolved murders, men who have been killed since you conceived. Now, if I'm right about your husband, I think that the father of your child is somewhere in here," said Spencer before he opened up the first file and placed it in front of Maryann, "Bob Atkins? Is it him?" asked Spencer.

Maryann looked at Spencer, "I can't believe this."

Spencer opened up another file, "James Boyd?" asked Spencer as he placed the file on top of the first one.

Maryann looked at Spencer, "You don't give up, do you? You just can't accept the fact that my husband and I love each other," snapped Maryann while Spencer stayed silent and opened up another file and placed it in front of Maryann, "Yes, we have an unconventional marriage, but that's not a crime. We have a strong relationship. James respects me. He would never do anything-," said Maryann before she reacted to one of the files that Spencer placed in front of her.

"We need you to call your husband," said Emily.

Maryann nodded as she used the land-line to call her husband, "It went straight to voicemail. He must have turned it off."

"Maryann, we need you to tell us what you and your husband used to do before you got married. What your habits were," said Emily.

"You mean like where we went on dates?" asked Maryann.

"No, your sexual habits," said Spencer just as Maryann looked at him in shock, "Think of it. You don't just jump into swinging. Most people have games building up to it. What were they?" asked Spencer.

Maryann rubbed her forehead, "He'd sometimes pretend to pick me up."

"What does that mean?" asked Emily.

"We'd meet at a bar. I'd arrive and he wouldn't be there. He was in the back watching me," said Maryann.

"What were the names of the bars you went to?" asked Spencer.

"Just one. Dunley's. It's at the town mall," said Maryann.

Spencer quickly walked away as he took his phone out.


The next day Spencer was handing his brother-in-law his case report, "Here's my case report," said Spencer.

"Before you leave to go home to my sister, my nieces, and nephews please close the door and sit down," said Hotch.

Spencer quickly followed his brother-in-law's instructions.

"Did I do anything that affected my work performance?" asked Spencer.

Hotch inwardly smiled as he thought back to the first time he met 19-year-old Spencer who he ended up watching transform from a shy 19-year-old teenager to a self-confident 29-year-old man in less than 10 years, "You didn't do anything wrong, but you need to stop selling yourself short."

Spencer pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and blinked owlishly at his unit chief, "What?" asked Spencer.

Hotch flashed back to the words that Spencer said about why he should question Maryann before he started to repeat them, "Right now, two alpha males are in there attacking her marriage. She'll react the same way to anyone challenging her husband's dominance. But I'm not a threat. I think she'll listen to me."

"I did get her to open up," said Spencer.

Hotch nodded, "You did," said Hotch before becoming serious, "Even though you're right about not looking like a threat since you're considered to have the looks and personality of the boy my sister calls 'the boy next door', you've slowly grown into an alpha male when needed since the day I met you nearly a decade ago."

Spencer gave Hotch a confused look while Hotch decided to continue.

"You've had your fair share of alpha-male moments when it came to Eric Miller, Dr. Theodore Bryar, Tobias Hankel, Chester Hardwick, Owen Savage, Adam Jackson, Chad Brown, Patrick Meyer, Dr. Malcolm, and a bunch of other cases and situations I can list too," said Hotch.

"Would Clarissa agree?" asked Spencer.

"Yes, and now go home to my sister, nieces, or nephews before my sister calls me," said Hotch.

"Have a good night, Hotch," said Spencer.

"You too and think about what I told you," said Hotch.


An hour later Spencer entered his house and smiled when he saw that he and his family would be eating tacos for dinner.


After all the kids were in bed, Spencer and Clarissa were reconnecting after being away from each other for three nights.


A/N: Hospital tag is where you tag an opponent's knee causing your opponent to cover the tagged knee with one hand. When both knees are tagged, you're out of the game. Played in during an eighth-grade field trip and the first person I tagged was my case manager who made sure to have her students in her group.