CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

(BPOV)

Shawn and Martha followed Charlie and I back to La'Push and Billy was content to ride with Sam and Emily, who also took Clarissa with them. The long line of vehicles behind us stayed close together as we went along the winding roadway and while my eyes were focused on the asphalt ahead, my mind was filled with Jacob.

According to Sam, he had stayed just long enough to say his goodbyes to all of Lillian's family members before he vanished and by the time I made it outside with Mr. Dawson, he was nowhere to be found.

"That was hard." Charlie huffed half way through town, taking off his suit jacket and tossing it in the cruisers backseat.

"Yeah, it sure was. The service was beautiful for her. It truly was, dad."

"Billy's worried for Jacob though and truthfully, so am I. He took off so fast after the service. I know he probably needs some time right now. Some space to be alone with his thoughts for a while, but I just hope he's alright."

"He'll come back to the reservation soon I'm sure. Like you said, he may just need some alone time."

"Thank you for being there for them like you have, Bella. Poor Billy is struggling with it more than he lets on. He hates to see Jacob hurting, but he knows all too well what that pain feels like. His whole world caved in back when Sarah died. He's never loved another since. No one could replace her. She was it for him. Jacob is still so young. I can only hope he doesn't shut the world out around him from this loss. I'd hate to see that happen to him."

"Jacob's strong, dad. You know that. We need to be there for him. In any way we can." I thoughtfully replied, slowing my speed when the snow picked up again and made visibility more difficult.

"Yeah, of course we will be. Well, for as long as we can be anyway. You only have a few days off on your leave from the hospital? Do you plan to fly back on Tuesday?"

I gripped the steering wheel tighter in my hands and felt my heart sink further at the thought of leaving everyone I loved behind right now. At a time when those I cared for the most really needed me with them and not miles and miles away. Nothing about that felt right.

"I'm not sure." I truthfully replied to him as I turned down the road that led us to Sam and Emily's place.

"I know you're not. That's why I asked, kiddo."

"What?"

"You're struggling with the idea of going back to Maine so soon."

I pulled into the driveway and shut off the cruiser before looking his way with my sincere reply.

"You're right, I am. Jacob has always been there for me and when I left for Maine, we both moved on with our own lives but he's still important to me. I feel like I'd be abandoning him if I left in two days. I plan to call Pen Bay tomorrow and extend my leave another few weeks. I know they value me there and that my job will be waiting when I do return, but for right now, my place is here with all of you."

Charlie cleared his throat with a nod and reached for the keys in my hand, his eyes glossy when the cars started to pull in behind us.

"Love you, Bella."

"I love you, too dad."

Emily had cooked enough food for everyone and then some. There was plenty to go around and while it all looked great, I found myself to have no appetite as my eyes scanned over the many people all crowded in their tiny home. Emily always had a way of making her place feel warm and inviting and it was easy to see that everyone was comfortable while they visited and reflected on Lillians life.

I found a corner of the packed kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine as Leah and Seth approached, there faces brightening some when they reached out to embrace me.

"I owe you for this." I stated, gesturing down to the outfit she'd kindly given to Charlie for me. "I didn't have anything to wear. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you."

Leah released me with a faint smile that didn't touch her eyes, her words still thick with emotion when she spoke.

"You're welcome. I tried to choose something that looked like you. Something I myself wouldn't be opposed to wearing."

"You did a great job."

"Are you staying long?" Seth chimed in then with a hopeful grin, his long hair tied back in a ponytail and his new height still something I wasn't used to.

"I'll be around these parts for another week or so." I admitted, returning his warm embrace and stifling a chuckle when he reached out to grab another piece of Emily's blackberry cobbler on the food table beside us.

"Hasn't been the same here without you! I'm glad you're not hopping the first flight back to Maine just yet. We've got some real catching up to do and you haven't even met Sasha yet."

"Sasha?" I asked, taking a sip from my wine with a curious gaze in Leahs direction.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend. Well, soon to be fiancé." Seth beamed, his bright smile reminding me of Jacobs when he proudly declared this.

"Wow, I'm thrilled for you!"

"Yeah, well I told him I think he should give it another six months, but young love, right? Can't reason with that sometimes." Leah stated, her expression leery when she looked his way again.

"What's the point in waiting when you find the right one?"

"... and I say what's the rush? You're barely twenty-one!"

Seth rolled his eyes and then gave me a playful wink as Leah huffed in frustration at him.

"Come on, Bella. Back me up here!"

"Oh no, you two aren't dragging me into this one. I am the last person you should be asking relationship advice from."

Seth paused with his forkful of cobbler by his mouth, his disbelieving look causing me to laugh.

"You mean to tell me you're not married to some rich doctor back in Maine with kids at home?" Leah hedged, with a playful nudge into Seth's side.

"Guilty, there's no one back home. Just me, myself and I. Work keeps me pretty busy. I'm out straight all the time." I admitted to her.

"I'm stunned. I thought for sure you'd be married by now." Leah sighed. "...don't worry though. I get it. Good ones are hard to find. Just broke off my third relationship this year. I'm done with men for a while."

"You say that every time. I try to tell her to wait for a good guy, but does she listen to me? No, of course not." Seth griped, shoveling in the rest of his cobbler before tossing the empty paper plate and plastic fork into the trash.

"I think we've bored poor Bella here enough." Leah sighed, her face suddenly falling when she looked around the room.

Seth took notice of the change in her countenance and caringly put his arm around her.

"I'm sorry about Lillian." I softly stated, seeing her eyes well with tears when she stared back at me.

"It's been a really hard year in general, but losing her has been the worst part of it. She was the reason that Emily and I finally got our relationship back on track. Lillian wanted us to mend things last year and we did. She helped to make that possible. The three of us were really close from then on. She made me see things differently and I'll forever be grateful to her for that."

I went silent at this, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to drink another sip of the red wine in my shaking hand.

"She was a real sweetheart. Jacob cherished her." Seth mournfully added, his gaze holding my own with his sincere words. "Billy told us what you did for him and Clarissa, Bella. I'm sure I'll be the first of many to tell you this before the day is over, but I'm going to say it anyway... Thank you for seeing them through."

"Yeah, Bella. I know we didn't always see things eye to eye, but that was a long time ago. Things are different now and I hope you know how grateful we are to you for helping to save him like you did."

I found it hard to speak when she wrapped her arms around me once more, before hearing Emily call to her from the other end of the kitchen and heading her way.

"She's right, you know." Seth sighed.

"I did what I could. We all did. I'm only sorry that we couldn't save Lillian, too." I timidly admitted.

"We'll carry her with us always. As a pack and as a family."

Seth grew quiet and gestured for us to sit in the few vacant chairs remaining in the house. I took my seat and refilled my wine as he looked toward Lillian's sisters and brother, his gaze narrowing some in distasteful fashion while he observed their interactions with Leah, Sam and Emily from afar.

"Something wrong?" I hedged, noticing the not so subtle hostility that heavily plagued his features now.

"No, I just can't believe Peter and Judy didn't even have the dang decency to show up today. Not even for their own daughter. Saddens me for her. She deserved a lot more than that from them. Makes me a hell of a lot more grateful for my mom."

I nodded and smiled to him in return as he reached out and scooted my chair over closer to his.

"Your mom is a saint. She always has been. I'm really thankful for all she does for Charlie while I'm away. Gives me some peace of mind. He can't boil water without burning it so he'd starve without her and the local diner in town."

Seth chuckled at this and popped the top of a beer while casually throwing his arm around the back of my chair, his boyish charm not lost on me when he did this.

"Yeah, pretty sure us men should stay the hell out of the kitchen. No good can ever come from that."

"You have a valid point there."

"Can I ask you something?" He nervously inquired then, his eyes full of the kind of inquisitive nature I'd always seen there when he was younger.

"Sure...-"

"Why did you leave for Maine? I hope it wasn't something we did to make you feel like you didn't belong?"

His question made me pause before finishing my second glass of wine and I made a mental note to slow it down, given the lightweight I was and in whose company I was in. This wasn't the place for overindulgence and I set the glass down as I turned his way.

"I would never want you guys to think it was anything that you did. It had nothing to do with any of you and everything to do with me needing a change at the time. I wanted to pursue other things and set out after a career I really had a passion for. I love my line of work but it can make one's social life nearly non existent sometimes."

"You've done real well for yourself. Jacob kept us in the loop for the most part but then the updates just kinda stopped. I'm glad you found what makes you happy in Maine, Bella. Jacob always wanted that for you. He truly did. I think that's what kept him going for the first year you were gone."

"What kept him going?"

Seth nodded and leaned in a bit closer to me, his eyes seeming watchful of some of the other pack members around us.

"The first year was really hard for him when you left, Bella. He got through it but it wasn't easy. Your happiness meant more to him than his own."

I felt my face grow warm with a vivid blush as I looked away from Seth and took notice of how Paul was eyeing the two of us with concern, as if he'd heard the direction our conversation was going and wanted to halt it where it was.

He approached us with a weak smile then and pulled up a chair next to me. This was enough to make Seth steer the topic in a much different direction and he did so almost instantly.

"So, Bella, tell me what you love the most about Maine? I hear the weather can be hard?"

For the next few hours, I made sure to make my way around the room and strike up some sort of conversation with nearly everyone. I even said hello to Evalyn, Charlotte and Ethan before they left the gathering. Emily had treated them with such kindness while they were there and it was heartwarming to see. To her, they were already family and always would be. This was just the kind of heart she had and everyone, including myself, loved her for it.

When the evening drew near, I felt my anxiety for Jacob grow and checked my cell phone again to see if he had called. The screen lit up and revealed no new messages or voicemails and I sighed heavily, as Billy wheeled himself over to me with a grave look, his color now paling again from the stress of the days events.

I knelt down and took hold of his hands in mine, trying to give him some hope or encouragement but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. He was worried for Jacob and nothing could ease that for him right now.

"He'll be okay, Billy. We have to believe that. He asked me to be sure that Clarissa was safe and sound with you at home before the service today. He knew his limits and he knew what would happen once it was over." I stated, looking over to Emily and Sam who were warming another bottle for Clarissa, the two of them tending to her when she let out a soft cry in the kitchen.

"Thank you for telling me, Bella. I won't be able to rest until he's back home safe himself." Billy countered, squeezing my hand when I took the seat next to him and glanced toward the door with the naïve hope that Jacob would come through it before the night was over.

"Well, I'm going to sit right here with you until he comes back. We can wait on him together?" I asked, checking to be sure he was comfortable as we sat there.

"I would love that, Bella. I'm so glad you're back home."

I soon grabbed a spare blanket on the back of Sams couch and draped it over Billy's legs as the evening chill crept in. He reached for my hand and I retook it with a smile as the two of us waited for Jacob to return.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Update tomorrow!