During a kickball game, Charles' pants split, but will his friends be able to help him avoid his aunt Muriel Finster and her needle?
Inspired by the "Recess" episode "Mikey's Pants"
Not long after the fourth-grade play, Chas had gotten used to taking his asthma medication. In fact, one day, during recess, he was able to play kickball again with his friends Melinda, Stu, Didi, and Betty, as well as Drew.
During a game, Betty was on home base when Stu pitched the ball so she could kick it. Once she had done so, in spite of Drew's efforts to send her out, Betty stole third and went home, to the cheers of Stu, Didi, and Melinda!
Back on the sidelines, Howard was teaching himself how to knit, Charlotte was playing with her doll, and Chas was using his inhaler to prepare for his turn in the game.
"You know, Chas," said Howard, "I'll never understand how your asthma can treat you with so little regard for your feelings."
"It's a mystery, Howard," Chas replied, "but now, I'm ready for the game!"
And so, Chas stepped up to the outfield, so he could catch the ball and get Drew out, since it was now Drew's turn to kick the ball and try to go home.
And Drew yelled at Stu, "We wanna pitcher, not a belly-itcher!"
Stu glared as Drew as he pitched the ball at his older brother. And as soon as Drew kicked the ball, the other kids—Melinda, Didi, Betty, and Chas—scrambled for the ball.
"I got it! I got it!" cried Chas as he ran for the ball and tried to pick it up from off the ground.
Maybe it was a growth spurt, maybe he had had too much for breakfast that morning, or maybe it was just his time, because as Chas bent over to pick up the kickball… he heard a rip!
Since no one except his friends were around, Chas promptly stood up and covered the seat of his brown pants with his hands.
"I thought you were gonna get the ball, Charles," said Melinda.
"I can't," cried Chas.
"Oh, brother!" groaned Drew. "This isn't gonna be some gobbledygook about being scared of the ball, is it?"
"No, it's…" Chas replied, then whispered, "I think I ripped my pants."
Didi said, "I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't hear you. Could you repeat that a little louder, please?"
"I think I ripped my pants…" said Chas a little louder, but not too loud to be overheard.
"Huh?" asked Betty, who also couldn't hear Chas.
And Howard cried out, "He said he thinks he ripped his p…"
But Stu promptly covered his mouth and said, "Quietly, Howard! Quietly. The proper steps should be taken quickly, or things will get really, really bad. All right, let's get Chas somewhere we can think. That means you, Charlotte, must see how bad the rip is."
Charlotte sighed to herself, "The fates must be testing me by harboring this fashion reject."
And so, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Betty, Howard, and Melinda surrounded Chas and led him to the dumpster.
There, all of Chas' friends looked at the rip in his pants.
"How bad is it?" asked Chas.
Charlotte replied, "Bad, Chas. It's a full-seam classic split, right between the pockets."
"Unlike Charlotte, I'm no fashion expert," said Betty, "but what could be worse than rippin' your pants at school?"
"I'm doomed!" Chas cried out in panic.
"Calm down, Charles," said Melinda. "It can easily be remedied. We could phone your mom and have her bring a replacement pair of pants."
But Chas said, "But my parents are out of town and won't be home 'till after school!"
"Oh, that is bad!" cried Melinda as she winced in sympathy.
"And what if my Aunt Muriel gets to me first? I could get taken back to her office and sewed up! Oh, I can't deal with that! It'd be the most embarrassing thing that could happen to me since my mom showed you my baby photos!"
"Don't remind us!" groaned Drew.
"Listen, Charles," said Melinda as she approached the red-haired, freckle-faced boy. "We're all gonna help you get by."
"But how, Melinda?" asked Chas.
"I don't know, but we'll think of something."
"Well, you'd better think fast," said Stu. "'Cause here comes Miss Finster!"
"And she's got a sewing look in her eyes," added Betty.
Chas shuddered, but Melinda placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "Don't worry, Charles. Whatever we do, we cannot and will not let your Aunt Muriel find out about your pants!"
"Melinda's right," said Stu to the other kids. "Come on, guys! Cover!"
And Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Betty, Howard, and Melinda again surrounded Chas and led him away from the dumpster.
Now, back in Chas' grade-school years, Miss Muriel P. Finster was a much more amiable young lady than she would be thirty years later. The problem was, whenever she sensed that a kid had ripped his pants, she would become overenthusiastic about sewing them up.
And so, she raised her head and said to herself, "Someone's up to something. I can sense it…"
"Gee, thanks for bailing me out, you guys," said Chas to his friends.
"Thank us when the job's done," Stu replied. "I gotta feeling this one's just beginning."
Presently, four passing first-grade boys, Didi's own classmates, wearing paper hats were arguing with each other.
"We got ya now!" cried one boy.
"No way! We got you now!" cried another.
"Loser!"
"Loser more!"
"Scram, ya dumb first graders!" shouted Drew.
Annoyed, Didi remarked, "Drew! These are my classmates!"
Presently, Melinda said, "Heads up, Charles! There's your Aunt Muriel!"
Upon seeing his Aunt Muriel, Chas cried, "Hide me!"
Once Stu, Drew, Didi, Betty, and Melinda shushed him, Chas whispered, "Hide me."
"Easy there, big bro," said Stu. "It's essential that we remain calm. Do not cause a stir."
"But what about my pants?" asked Chas.
As Didi observed her classmates walking around with the paper hats on their heads, she said, "Hey, I got an idea. If my classmates can make hats out of newspaper, we could make our big brother some shorts to cover the rip, like origami."
"You know, Deed," Stu replied, "you're a genius."
Meanwhile, Miss Finster stopped by the dumpster and saw, in her own words: "A piece of fabric. These fibers have jagged split ends, which means someone has ripped their pants! It falls to me, Muriel P. Finster, to find that person and mend those pants!"
And with a big grin, Miss Finster scoured the playground for a kid with split pants.
Meanwhile, Didi had folded the principal's newspaper to create shorts that were just the right size for Chas' skinny frame.
"You know," said Charlotte, "we could just turn Chas in to his aunt."
"Whose side are you on, Charlotte?!" cried Drew.
Then, as Chas tried on his newspaper shorts, Didi said to Stu, "I hope Principal Solomon doesn't miss his newspaper."
"Relax, Deed," Stu replied. "We left him the funnies."
Betty then said to Chas, "Okay, buddy. Let's see how they look."
Chas looked at his shorts and said, "Why, they're just the right length for shorts!"
"I knew these would work," said Didi.
"Yeah, who knew they'd look so sporty!" declared Betty.
"Good call, Betty," said Stu. "Now, let's go play some kickball."
But as Chas and the others ran for the kickball field, Betty ran through a puddle and accidentally sprayed Chas—and his newspaper shorts—with water, causing the paper shorts to fall off.
"Oops," said Betty.
"That was unfortunate," said Didi.
"What do ya mean, Deed?"
"I don't think those pants are washable."
"Then what are we gonna do?" asked Chas.
Stu replied, "I'm thinkin'! I'm thinkin'!"
Presently, Drew cried, "Well, I hope you can think on the run, 'cause we got Finster's aunt at 6 o'clock!"
And Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Betty, Howard, Drew, and Charlotte all ran from Miss Finster, who approached the discarded newspaper, picked it up, and read it.
"Land sakes!" she cried out. "I'm reading shorts! Someone is trying to jerry rig some sort of a patch! Definitely a child… perhaps on the slight side… Could it be Chas, my nephew?"
Meanwhile, Chas and his friends were all perched up a tree.
"Phew! That was close!" sighed Stu.
"But what are you gonna do about my pants?" asked Chas.
Drew added, "Yeah, Finster definitely needs something with more support than origami shorts!"
"But what?"
Melinda thought about it, then, upon seeing some kindergartners holding their papier-mâché sculptures of animals, she got an idea.
"That's it!" she exclaimed. "Papier-mâché!"
And so, within a few moments, Melinda had gathered some newspaper, glue, and water. Then, she dipped the newspaper strips into the diluted glue, wrapped them around Chas' waist, and waited for them to dry.
"Well, Charles, how do you look?" asked Melinda with a smile.
Unsure of himself, Chas replied, "I look like I just crushed my pelvis!"
"Nothing a little paint can't do," said Drew as he carried a can of brown paint and a paintbrush to Chas' papier-mâché patch.
Chas looked at the paint and said, "It looks like you matched the color of the original. And am I dry yet?"
Stu tapped the papier-mâché and said, "As a bone."
"Good ol' quick-drying papier-mâché!" said Melinda.
And Charlotte said to Drew, "Go ahead! Paint away, Marcello!"
And Drew began to paint. "You know, Charlotte," he said, "this sorta reminds me of my first-grade volcano science project."
But soon, Drew dropped his brush.
"Don't worry, Drew," said Chas. "I'll get it!" But as soon as he stooped down to get the brush, the papier-mâché broke off his pants.
"Reminds me ever more of my first-grade volcano science project," said Drew.
"This is bad. Let's move," said Stu as he and the others surrounded Chas and led him elsewhere.
But Miss Finster was not far behind. She saw the broken papier-mâché and inspected it. Then, she said with a smile, "Whoa! It looks like seven or eight kids tried to make a papier-mâché patch for the kid who ripped his pants! I must be getting warm!"
Back at the dumpster, the janitor had rolled an empty pickle barrel from the cafeteria. When Chas and the others saw this, Betty said, "Hey, Charlotte! You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
Charlotte asked, "That we should allow Miss Finster to sew up Chas' pants?"
"No way! That'd be treachery!" cried Betty. "What I'm thinkin' about the classic barrel pants! Believe me, I saw it in a cartoon once."
And she went to the barrel and, seeing that one end was already open, busted out the other end. When Chas saw this, he picked up the barrel, was handed two stretchy bands by Howard, and attached the bands to one end of the barrel before putting it on.
"You know, these just might catch on," said Chas. "They feel nice and cozy."
"Glad you like them, Charles," said Melinda.
But after Chas and his friends had gone a ways, from the dumpster to the top of a hill, Chas tripped over a tree root and rolled down the hill until he crashed into another tree, causing his barrel pants to break.
"And there's the classic downside of barrel pants," sighed Charlotte.
Stu, Didi, Betty, Drew, and Melinda promptly approached Chas as he lay in the ruins of his barrel pants.
"Are you okay, Finster?" asked Drew.
"I… I'm fine," panted Chas.
Then, holding onto his red blanket, Stu said, "I have another idea of how to cover up the rip."
In no time, Stu had tied his blanket over the rip in Chas' pants.
"I don't know, Stu," said Chas.
And for once, Drew agreed. "Are you sure this'll work?" he asked Stu.
Stu nodded confidently.
"Way to think fast, Stu!" said Betty.
But Melinda said to Chas, "But you can't walk around with a second grader's blanket over your pants all day."
"I know," sighed Chas. "But what else can I wear?"
"We gotta find something that doesn't tear," said Drew.
With that, Charlotte got an idea: "I know just the garment for you!"
After a moment, Chas was fitted with a plaid garment with a fur pouch in the front.
"I don't get it, Charlotte," said Melinda as she saw that Chas was obviously embarrassed. "You're making Charles wear a skirt?"
"The correct term is 'kilt,'" Charlotte replied. "Unlike boys' pants, a Scottish kilt cannot rip whenever its wearer bends down to pick up something."
And Chas inadvertently demonstrated this when he saw a ball of discarded paper on the ground, picked it up, and went to a trash can to throw it away.
"See?"
"Charlotte, you're a genius!" said Drew.
"You know, Chas," said Stu, "I think your kilt might catch on among other boys when they see how convenient they are."
Chas smiled and said, "You're right, Stu."
And so, he went along the way with his friends.
Meanwhile, at the edge of the forest, Miss Finster was inspecting the broken barrel.
"Barrel pants…" she said to herself as Chas and his friends passed by her.
But pretty soon, Chas got to a nearby vent on the blacktop, which flipped up his kilt and exposed the rip in his pants to his aunt Muriel.
"Chazzy!" cried Miss Finster as she cheerfully ran after her nephew.
"RUN!" cried Drew.
And so, Chas, Melinda, Stu, Didi, Drew, Charlotte, Howard, and Betty all ran from Miss Finster and hid in a nearby hole.
"Now, where did they go?" asked Miss Finster.
Meanwhile, in the hole, Howard said to Charlotte, "Gee, Charlotte. There seems to be a design flaw in your skirt."
Charlotte corrected Howard: "Kilt!"
Howard winced at that.
Then, Drew said, "I don't know who has it worse now: us boys or you girls?"
"Um, how long do we have to hide in this hole?" asked Chas.
Melinda replied, "I don't know, Charles, but it's your only hope of avoiding the needle and the shame."
"I still say we should let Miss Finster sew up Chas' pants," said Charlotte.
"Hush your mouth, Charlotte!" whispered Drew.
"Come on, Charlotte," said Stu. "We gotta lay low for a while. It's only until recess is over."
"Yeah, how could Miss Finster possibly find us in this hole?" asked Betty.
Presently, the eight friends heard Miss Finster speak through her bullhorn: "Charles Finster! Come to Aunt Muriel! I know about your pants!"
Chas sighed, "Well, guys. Looks like this is it. Charlotte, do your worst."
"No way!" said Melinda. "We've come too far and made too many pants to give you up now, Charles!"
But they heard Miss Finster say, "Come on out, Chas. Come on."
"Uh… give us a minute?" asked Chas with a sheepish smile.
Then, he curled himself up into a ball and cried out, "Looks like I got no choice now."
Stu sighed, "I'm sorry you have to go through this huge embarrassment alone."
Presently, Melinda got an idea: "Wait, that's it!" And soon, she whispered something into Stu and Drew's ears.
Both Stu and Drew gasped.
"Are you sure you want us to do that, Melinda?" asked Stu.
Melinda replied, "It's the only way."
"Okay, then."
Outside the hole, Miss Finster was waiting for her nephew as a group of children surrounded the hole, hoping to get a glimpse of Chas' underwear. But to Miss Finster's surprise, not only did Chas emerge from the hole, but so did Stu and Drew.
"What's going on?" asked Miss Finster.
"Miss Finster, our trousers are torn, and we need them repaired," said Stu as he and Drew revealed their own pants, torn at the seat to expose the underwear.
As Howard and the girls lifted their heads from the hole, Drew explained to them, "Stu and I ripped our own pants, so Finster won't have to go it alone."
Miss Finster looked at the three boys and said, "Well, follow me, then."
And as Chas, Stu, and Drew followed her to her office, all the other kids stared in amazement at the Pickles brothers' act of courage. Soon, everyone, from the youngest kindergartner to the sixth-grade king of the playground, showed respect for all three boys.
And Charlotte said to the others, "I told you we should have turned Chas over to his aunt."
In her office, Miss Finster was sewing up Chas' pants with her sewing machine as Chas, Stu, and Drew were all shivering from the cold.
"Th-th-th-thanks, g-g-g-guys," said Chas.
"F-f-f-f-f-forget about it," Stu replied.
Ripped pants can be a sorrow for a kid like young Charles Finster, but thanks to the courageous acts of friends like Stu and Drew, Chas didn't have to go through the embarrassment alone.
