A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.
Chapter 5: A New Journey
One month later, Kathryn Janeway was healthier and happier than she'd been since before she got stranded in the Delta Quadrant eight years ago, and everyone on the crew noticed it. She truly felt as though thousands of pounds of dead weight had been lifted from her spirit, and it showed. After praying with Luke that evening and putting her trust in Christ for the first time, she truly understood why the Bible referred to it as being "born again." It was impossible for her to describe with words. She was still the same Kathryn Janeway that she'd always been, but yet somehow, she was a brand new person as well. She'd been given a new heart, a new life. She'd trusted the Lord with the terrible burdens of her past and for the first time in eight years, she knew she could give herself permission to forgive herself and move on; to take care of herself; to be happy.
And tonight, that was precisely what she was going to do. Instead of Luke bringing her dinner, she decided that she would surprise him with dinner this evening. Since she always had such dreadful luck with replicating food, she got Neelix to prepare them a meal. He'd made them both steak with baked potatoes and salad, as well as cherries jubilee for dessert. Kathryn was now wearing a lovely long-sleeved blue velvet dress with sapphire earrings, and she looked absolutely gorgeous. This was going to be a very special night. After surprising Luke by beaming into his quarters with dinner, Kathryn was going to go for it. She was going to tell Luke point-blank how she felt about him. She wasn't going into this expecting him to reciprocate, of course. She knew where things stood. She knew he still had feelings for Seven. But she wasn't going to keep her true feelings hidden and buried out of fear anymore. When Tuvok told her that it was time for her to conquer her fears, she knew better than anyone how right he was. It was possible that Luke would change his mind and be open to the possibility of changing their relationship, and Kathryn deeply hoped he would be, but even if he wasn't, at least this time Kathryn could say that she didn't run away from it because of fear.
When Kathryn beamed herself into Luke's quarters with dinner, he was very touched, and he made no secret of the fact that he was blown away by how beautiful she looked. Luke was wearing his teal Starfleet uniform as usual, and he looked very nice, but Kathryn really took his breath away in her blue velvet dress. Kathryn had an acute case of butterflies in her stomach, so she was only able to eat about half of her dinner. She could tell by looking across the table at Luke that evening that he clearly had the same problem. The tension in the air that night was so thick, a person could cut it with a knife.
Finally, Kathryn gave up on trying to finish her dinner, and she set her knife and fork down beside her plate. She then got up from her seat, and Luke got up as well, and they walked up to each other. Their eyes were locked, and Kathryn told him, "There's something I need to say. Something important."
"I'm listening," he whispered.
"The past three months we've spent together have changed my life. I'm usually a very private person and in the beginning, I didn't like having you butting into my personal life so much. As a matter of fact, I had made up my mind that I would go along with what you were doing for maybe a couple of weeks or so, just long enough to reassure you that I was alright, and then I was going to put a stop to it. But after we started spending so much time together and we started getting closer, I really came to enjoy having all our meals together and having all our holodeck time together. I always cared for you as a friend and our friendship has always been important to me, but over the past three months, I think we've become much more to each other besides just friends."
Luke's heart started skipping beats then as he quietly told Kathryn, "I agree."
"To be perfectly honest, I haven't merely enjoyed our past three months together. I've loved every second of it. It's changed me."
"I feel the same way. Spending so much time with you has changed me as well. For the better. You've inspired me to become a better person. I am a better person because of all the time I've spent with you. I'm so grateful that God put you in my life."
"So am I. Luke, the last thing in the world I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable, but I've got to tell you the truth. I've got to tell you how I really feel. We've talked about this quite a bit over the past six months or so; I know that you've been in love with Seven for a long time. I don't expect you to return my feelings, but the truth is, I've fallen in love with you."
"Are you serious?" Luke gasped.
"I've never been more serious in my life," Kathryn responded in a deep, emotional voice.
Tears filled Luke's eyes in that moment as he pulled Kathryn into his arms and gave her a hard, long, passionate kiss. Luke then kissed her face and her forehead and just let the tears of joy come as he continued to hold her tightly in his embrace.
"I didn't mean to make you cry, love," said Kathryn as she struggled to fight off tears of her own.
"I'm crying because I'm so happy."
"Oh, baby," said Kathryn, and then she fervently kissed him and she hugged him tightly.
When they finally calmed down enough to be able to speak several minutes later, they were still holding each other as Luke explained, "You're right. I did have feelings for Seven for a long time. But the feelings I once had for Seven are mere puppy love compared to the feelings I've started experiencing for you over the past three months. Very soon after I intruded into your personal life and started spending so much time with you, I realized what a remarkable woman you are. I realized just how much I'd always taken you for granted. It's no secret what a big ego I've always had, and we both know I'm not easily humbled, but I am humbled by you. You are the most incredible person I've ever known, and I am so in love with you. I just didn't say anything because I knew how afraid you were of romantic relationships after we talked about everything with Commander Chakotay and Tau Ceti Prime."
Kathryn nodded and said, "It's true that at one time in my life, I did have feelings for Chakotay. But I've long since realized that that was a mere fantasy that was never meant to be. Looking back on it now, I realize that everything happened the way it was supposed to happen. Back when Chakotay and I were on New Earth together, I could have surrendered to what was happening between us but I didn't. Now I know that the reason why I didn't surrender to the attraction I was experiencing was because that was all it was: attraction. Not love. I cared for him and I was attracted to him, but I was never really in love with him like I once thought I was. Had I really been in love with Chakotay, I would never have been able to push him away like I did all these years. And had he really been in love with me, he would never have given up on me and gotten together with Seven. Chakotay and I were never meant to be, but you and I are. Now, I am attracted to you, but it's so much deeper than that. You've made me come alive. You've touched the deepest places of my heart that no other human being can get to. With the exception of the good Lord, Himself, you are everything to me. I couldn't begin to fight this, not even if I wanted to. That's how I know that this is different. I'm surrendering to what is happening between the two of us because I know with every ounce of my being that this is real."
Again, Luke gave Kathryn a very long, passionate kiss, and then he whispered in her ear, "Thank you for saying that."
"It's true."
"I love you so much, Kathryn. So much. You've been through such hell all these years, and I know the burdens you carry are so painful. I just want to do everything in my power to ease your pain as much as I can," Luke said through his tears.
"Oh, you have, baby. You have," said Kathryn as she was crying tears of her own.
"Knowing that you feel the same way I do means everything to me, Kathryn. Everything. And I want you to know that. I want you to know how much you mean to me."
"I do know, sweetheart," Kathryn told him as she brushed the tears from his eyes with her fingers. "I know."
"I can't believe this is happening," said Luke, now laughing through his tears.
"I know," Kathryn said as she laughed with him. "I can't believe it either. I certainly wasn't expecting anything like this to happen, but I could never have asked for a more wonderful surprise."
"That's exactly how I feel."
"You really sneaked up on me, you sneaked into my heart when I wasn't looking, and I'm so glad you did."
"So am I," Luke whispered with the biggest smile. "I just want to yell it at the top of my lungs that Kathryn Janeway is in love with me. I want to yell it for the whole world to hear, but I know that given your position as captain, that wouldn't exactly be wise."
Kathryn shook her head and told him, "No, that wouldn't be the wisest thing in the world to do. I know that us being together is the right thing, but as a captain, I have to acknowledge the fact that there are risks that come with being in a romantic relationship with a member of your crew. I know other Starfleet captains have done it without any problems, but for me, this is uncharted territory. I have to be extremely careful that I don't allow myself to lose my objectivity as a captain. I also have to be very careful to find the right balance between my professional life and my personal life."
"I'll do everything I possibly can to help you."
Kathryn smiled then, and she reached up and cupped his face in her right hand, and she said, "I know you will, sweetie. I know."
"Do you think it'll help if we keep our relationship private?"
"Yes, that would make things easier. But I'm not ashamed of our relationship and I want you to know that."
"I do know that," Luke said kindly.
"But you're right that it would make things easier if we kept our relationship to ourselves, at least for the time being, until I feel like I've gotten the hang of this balancing routine I have to achieve."
"I understand, Kathryn. I understand completely. You're the captain. You have to set the standard for the rest of the crew. You constantly have to remain as professional as possible. You and I clearly don't have the luxury of making out all over the ship like Tom and B'Elanna did when they first got together."
Kathryn laughed then and said, "No, we certainly don't, although it is an appealing idea."
"Very appealing," Luke said with a laugh, and then Kathryn laughed as well. "Is there anything else I can do?"
"Just one thing, love."
"Name it."
"I'd really like it if you'd call me Katie. Kathryn is okay but it sounds so formal."
"I'd love that…Katie," he said with a big smile, and then he gave her another long, passionate kiss.
"I love you, baby," Kathryn then whispered in Luke's ear.
"I love you too, Katie," Luke whispered, and then he just held onto her for the longest time, treasuring every second of it. They had both gone through considerable pain and heartache to get to where they were tonight, but now that they had each other, they knew beyond a doubt that it was more than worth it. Neither of them had ever felt this much joy before, and they couldn't wait to see where this new journey they'd begun together would take them.
