Once again thank you to all my lovely readers! Your support keeps me writing and I love you all!

The Controversy of this Chapter...but Natsuki's role is so important and I love her...I am a horrible horrible person because I love Natsuki. She makes me laugh, smile and well...the past happens.

This was beta'd by Laureninthesky96 and I swear I keep forgetting to mention that in my stories.


Last time on Star Trek Voyager...wait I mean on the Disease, we left off with Sesshomaru being forced into close quarters with Natsuki this is the result...

Natsuki-past

She walks nervously up the stairs to his room. She is housed in the same corridor as Gobodo-sama, while another one with multiple levels is reserved for Sesshomaru. Her feet want to falter beneath her as she takes one step and then another. Her fingers glide along the golden twisting banister as she finds herself just paces from his shut door. The same little girl with black braids going down her back reaches for their son, as Natsuki enters. "I just fed him," she says to the child who waves Tsukimaru's hand at her while they leave.

Before she can, he opens the doors. He's dressed in a simple white Kimono that is long and covers his knees. His legs are covered in the same hikama. He holds his hand out, motioning her inside. A table has been set by the window with two chairs, hot water, and delicacies that newly-bonded are typically fed. The smell of the raw flesh and blood makes her drool slightly. She licks the side of her mouth as she follows him to the table. "Why did you agree to this?" she asks as she sits down. "These chairs are so odd."

"Mother spent time in the west many centuries ago. She liked sitting in chairs rather than on the floor and copied their style," he pours himself a cup of hot water and begins eating the deer meat in front of him. "For peace, I agreed to this."

"So then we will…" the question is left hanging. The mere thought of disrobing him is making her hot in places she has spent five years trying to forget about. She's learned to care for her own needs, but nothing feels like what he has done to her before.

"No. I will rest on the bench, you will sleep in the bed. That should be enough for your body to carry my scent. We will share meals and perhaps speak. I will not make love to you." He lifts another chunky piece of meat up as blood drips down his fingers. The sky is bright and there are thick, fluffy white clouds circling around the castle. A guard is by the outside door should he decide they need something and a maid will be prepared to answer all their requests.

"You think we can both resist for the next week?" Natsuki chuckles to herself. "As if you don't already feel it bubbling between us."

"I do, and we will ignore it. Keep your yoki to yourself." He drinks the hot water.

"You're stupid for agreeing to this," she scoffs at him, finally beginning to fill her own plate. "My father is a pompous fool. You should just kill him."

"No," he shakes his head. "The bloodshed wouldn't stop there. If I'm not mistaken, you are not set to inherit your father's army, your brother is."

"Shouju." She smiles thinking of the little boy. "Of course, Haha-ue would be outraged and order you and your family killed if you did."

"Enough blood is being spilled below." He closes his eyes breathing heavily. "How do you do this?"

"Your mother is a good teacher. Come with me." She takes his hand, and fire dances between their fingertips. She sits down seiza style on the floor with him across from her. "Put your hands in your lap and breathe deeply. Focus on Rin."

"What?" he balks.

"It helps to focus on the one thing that brings you the most happiness. I think about Tsukimaru, his laugh, his smile, the way his nose wrinkles when he's angry. At first it was difficult, my instincts wanted to return to you. But think about her, every detail, from the top of her head, down to her toes. Scars?"

"Her stomach was marred by Touma's halberd, a scar over her left hip from an ogre. Her back is covered in them from fighting a bear demon—"

"I don't need to know all of them." Natsuki cuts him off, annoyed. As if he knows my body so well. "Then breathe in and out and focus on her, her scent, her hair, her fingers." Her eyes track down his body, seeing a bulge in his pants. Oh he's thinking of her alright…He smells like hot tree sap and honey bees. She pinches her nose and starts pacing on the other end of the room to ignore it and when that doesn't help she goes into his washroom, closing and locking the door behind her, wetting a washcloth, then putting it over her nose to stop from smelling him. I hate you, Chichiue…


For two days they managed to avoid physical contact. They shared meals and spoke quietly or sat in silence. Tsukimaru came and went as he was hungry, always brought by the same little girl with long black braids who was happy to take him. "Who is she?" Sesshomaru asks on the third afternoon as the little girl tickles his son's sides as she takes him.

The door closes and Natsuki rolls over in the bed, righting her kimono where she had just finished nursing their baby. "Reiko. She's under the care of your mother."

"She's part human."

"A small part. Her parents are dead, or so I've been told. She's in her thirties and loves Tsukimaru. She watches him for me so I can have some time alone. He loves her." Natsuki grins watching Sesshomaru's face wrinkle in concern. "Is it that hard for you to be away from him?"

"I was never away this often from my other children." He resumes his position by the bench staring at the clouds.

The yearnings are getting worse and they both know it. Natsuki feels his yoki reaching out to hers, tying itself around her, beckoning her to come sit with him, but she refuses.


By the fourth day, Natsuki aches terribly. Every inch of her body is on fire, especially between her legs. She wants so desperately to feel his touch. He's sweating just as badly in the corner of the room, panting at the struggle to restrain himself. Natsuki is covered in sweat as she finishes feeding their son. She rises up quickly, passing him to a servant outside the door, then shuts it, sliding down the wall and folding herself in around her knees. "I hate you for this," her voice trembles as she speaks. "I hate you."

Sesshomaru is just as shaky when he replies, "I did not ask you to approach me that day in the snow."

"I didn't know that your brother was a liar!"

"Because you had no self-control."

"Because you debased yourself with a human!"

"A HUMAN I LOVE!" he bellows furiously.

"A human who is my friend, and if we do this now?" Natsuki starts crying. The tears run down her cheeks, onto her knees. "We promised each other. I promised."

Sesshomaru begins laughing darkly, curled into his own knees. "What promise?"

"To not make enemies out of our children." Natsuki rubs her arms furious to feel something besides the burn of her yoki. "She told me…what you did to Inuyasha. We agreed."

"You've been to my home when I'm not there for the last five years."

There's no point in denying it. "After I saved her from the ogre, she sought me out in the palace and we agreed that I would not do this to her again. She forgave me and asked me to visit. You know how Taiyomaru loves Tsukimaru. When he was a baby, he wouldn't stop crying and she was so tired. I came and let them cuddle, and she would sleep while I took care of both children."

Sesshomaru rubs his eyes. Natsuki feels his annoyance, but also the gratitude behind it. "He was a very difficult baby." He smacks his head against the wall, his chest rising and falling heavily. "He still does not sleep when I am not home."

"I know," Natsuki finally uncovers her eyes from her knees. "We still visit. Now he takes Tsukimaru to a tree or to bed and cuddles him to sleep. They are very close," she says proudly.

Sesshomaru rises off the windowsill and saunters over to Natsuki, sitting down next to her. He holds her hands in his and says quietly, "you are also mine."

"No," she shakes her head, with tears running down her eyes. "Rin is my friend…my only friend, the mother of my son's siblings. Please?"

He picks her lips up and she can't resist, the pain of separation and being so closely cordoned together is taking over. She holds his face as if it is her life, and returns the passion that he gives her. "You are also mine," he says firmly, pressing his mouth into hers again. "You need not tell her."

"Please?" Natsuki tries to force her body to calm itself, but it's no use. "I don't want to betray her."

Sesshomaru pulls her into his body, holding her. "We cannot resist another three days."

"Then only once and no more? Please? I love your human."

He laughs stroking her back. "Once and no more."

"Don't tell her you know I come. She doesn't want to upset you."

"I will say nothing." He pushes back the layers of her kimonos and as he does, relief washes through her. She can't resist, but if they give in once, just this once, what harm could it do?


Once became twice, and then three times, and on the seventh day, hours before they were due to be released, Natsuki rests comfortable against his chest while he plays with the ends of her hair. She can feel his guilt, his disgust with himself for being unable to resist, and she feels it too. "Why is it always like this?" she asks, tiredly, finding comfort against his skin.

"Because you chose not to wait," he answers plainly, emotionlessly.

"Did you want more than one?"

"Before I met her?"

Natsuki nods. She was much younger then, those decades ago. She rises with the intake of his breath, trying to comfort the both of them. "I assumed I would have many. I did not know love then, loyalty."

Natsuki bites the inside of her lips. "I dreamed of being the one you would love the most, but then this?" She flicks a tear from her eyes.

"Time will tell, sweet one," he presses his yoki into her, drops of comfort and warmth, but the guilt remains. "This will not happen again."

I hate you, Chichiue, she thinks bitterly. What should be joyous is filled with guilt.


Please review! You know I love it!

Coming Next Tuesday March 17th Sesshomaru-past Bum bum bum

Another good read Of Ice and Flowers by spiritedranger whom I also might begin editing for.

I missed you all!

Kimmigirl9: This story is definitely emotionally charged and I love it! We shall see what happens with poor Sesshomaru of the future. I actually feel bad for the dude.

Smmahamazing: I'm back! I know Haruto is like what the hell are you doing and Mayumi is like, bitch I got blades, leave me the fuck alone. What can I say I am all angsty. I try to write fluff but I can't. Fire and Ice is the closest I can come to it.

Mechine: Thank you for the congrats! Yes it's so damning that Mayumi and Izayoi know the side-effects of what killed their father has slowly been killing their Uncle and Izayoi would never find a life where she fit in the human world. The only reason Sess is still alive is because of Natsuki and that alone is just like AHHH if he breaks his bond to her, he will die that much faster and what's going to happen now that Haruto knows and he suspended Nina's treatment?

Itzatakahashi: Yaaahs! I agree, that was one hell of a chapter because now the office knows who they are and what they have been doing. We must save Sesshomaru...I hope he doesn't die...

New reader: Thank you! I am so close to finishing my bachelors and it will be such a relief when I do. Oh yes these next few chapters are just going to be sooo emotionally charged and the big questions, will Natsuki discover Nina, what happens to their bond? Now the office knows what are we going to do! AHHHHH So much tension!

Harukasempai14: Hello my dear! I figured this chapter might have been a bit redundant but it was technically written before the last Interlude...but it was what I needed it to be to show how bad Sesshomaru's illness has progressed, that Natsuki is keeping him alive and that now the humans in the office know about them. I personally blame some of the Taka dynamic on Natsuki. She never let the poor girl leave the castle so it made it so Taka lived a life that was trapped and confined. But what happens when all secrets are revealed? OOOO I can't wait.

Crimson Dagger: I found this anime I think in 2005, maybe 2004. I was staying at a hotel watching Adultswim and then later googled the episodes and clips. After it went of air and Viz studios stopped animating it, I searched for episodes to watch but this was back in youtube days when you could watch anything and everything on there. After that...I didn't know anything about it until last year in April when I finally watched Final Act and then went through the whole series in order and re-fell in love. It's definitely my favorite Anime and the only one I can really write Fanfic for. I have others I love but the endings were complete. It's why I struggle writing my Inukag drabbles I don't think there was a lot left for them in that storyline. These two lots left to tell.