Damn it! Why did Hux have to ruin everything? Ren paced back and forth in his quarters while waiting for the food delivery from the mess.
Hux confused him - what exactly did he want? When he saw him in front of the gym he could feel his lust, desire and his excitement… it was enough to make him follow Hux. That and the way his ginger hair had shone in the bright light of the hallway, like a beacon. He was drawn to it like a moth to the flame.
The doorbell beeped and Kylo stormed out, took the tray with food from the perplexed cadet before shutting the door again.
He lifted the lid and wolfed down the bantha steak and the noodles before washing down the food with a glass of water. He felt calmer already. Eating always calmed him down, sometimes he just forget… like today.
He got up and went to Vader's mask in the adjacent room. It was a half-melted husk now but Ren still felt drawn to it. The small holocron next to it seemed to pulsate with red light. Kylo took it and turned it around; he had only found it in the last mission. Snoke promised him hidden knowledge but so far he hadn't been able to access it.
He sighed. He had to meditate on how to approach his dark relic - some were easily opened with the Force, others required elaborate rituals. He put it back and sat down in front of Vader's mask, crossing his legs.
"Grandfather I need your guidance. I resist the light, even if it calls to me. I don't hold back anymore. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. I followed my passions like the Sith of old. Through passion I gain strength." He stopped. "He is being difficult, Grandfather. My passion is strong and so is his… but he denies it. How am I supposed to reach my full potential when I cannot-" Kylo broke off. "I heard the tales of how you wooed your love. How she fuelled your ascension as a Darth." He licked his lips. "Grandfather, please - I need your guidance."
He closed his eyes and focussed on the mask, waiting for a sign.
-o-
Snoke's overdimensional holoprojection stared down on Kylo. "So you finally found Darth Azamin's holocron, apprentice."
"Yes master." Kylo replied with a bowed head.
"And have you been able to open it?" asked Snoke, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
"No master."
"And why not?"
Kylo pressed his lips together behind his mask. He hated this part. "Because I lack the hatred."
Snoke sucked in air. "You still haven't severed your ties to the Light Side. Your parents - you thought about them, didn't you?"
Kylo jerked his head up. How in the galaxy did Snoke know?
"You are still surprised at my skills, young one." Snoke laughed, it sounded more like a cough. Kylo could feel a grip around his throat. "I am a master of the Dark Side. You couldn't fathom my true power. I know everything."
The grip intensified, making him wheeze. "Yes master."
"I demand absolute loyalty."
"Yes master."
Snoke let go and Kylo took a deep breath. "You would do well to remember why you are here - because everybody fears you. Even your own mother sent you away because she couldn't handle your anger, your temper. I am the only one who was ready to take you in, despite all your flaws."
"Thank you master."
"Now go and come back to me once you have opened that holocron."
With a flicker the holo disappeared, leaving Kylo alone in the large audience room. He got up and grimaced. Just how much did Snoke know about his thoughts? Was it possible that he really knew everything?
He turned and walked out, the cold air in the room making his hands numb.
Whatever Snoke was telling him, it wasn't the whole truth. He had been wrong in the past and he was wrong now - he wasn't the only one who didn't fear him.
He enjoyed how the Stormtroopers and the officers gave him a wide berth as he strode towards the turbolift. Hux wouldn't do that - he would raise an eyebrow and look at him like he was an annoying gnat.
Even right after he had fucked him. There was no wonder, no real emotion visible on his face. Just a scowl. He couldn't help but remember how it felt kissing him, the look on his pale face, the blush he got whenever Kylo said something vulgar.
Kylo breath quickened. Damn it.
He stepped into the lift and entered the number of his deck.
Hux was right about one thing, he was like an animal in heat whenever he thought about the General. The thought of seeing him coming undone, feeling full and satisfied as Hux had his way with him… how would it feel to have those soft lips on his dick?
Kylo shook his head to get rid of the mental images and exited the lift, brushing past two Stormtroopers before punching in the code to his quarters. He needed a cold shower before he could meditate on the holocron.
The holocron glowed in a red light, painting the room in a crimson shade. Kylo reached out with his hand towards the relic. "Reveal your secrets."
He could hear a very quiet humming, it almost sounded like a murmur but when he tried to focus the sound slipped away. He grimaced. "Kriff."
It reacted to him but something seemed to be missing. He let himself fall backwards and stared up at the ceiling. This meditation has usually done the trick.
He let his right arm fall on the pad next to him and grabbed it. He pulled up the file he had on Darth Azamin. He felt like he read it at least ten times but perhaps the eleventh time would be the charm?
Born on Dromund Kaas into a wealthy Sith family, apprentice to Darth Nox, became Head of the Sphere of Military Strategy during the Great Galactic War before being killed by a Jedi strike team. She hadn't written any codexes like her peers, hadn't left any interesting artifacts… if he didn't know better he would think that she didn't have the inclination to hide secrets in a holocron.
He had a bad feeling about this. Either his gut instinct was off or- or what? Snoke had lied to him? But why would he sent him on a fool's errand? Skywalker had sometimes given him seemingly meaningless chores to teach him some silly lessons about humility. Snoke wouldn't do that.
It felt like the solution was within grasp but it eluded him. He hated the feeling he sometimes had, like there was some kind of insight in his thoughts but he didn't know how to seize them.
'Not the sharpest vibroknife in the weapon racket'. He felt anger boil up in his chest. He had showed them! He might not be as smart as some of the other Jedi acolytes but he was still here.
For a moment he thought he could feel the rain on his skin, the vibration of his training saber as he brought it down again and again on Jace's back until he stopped moving. At the end one of the Knights of Ren had put a hand on his shoulder and he stopped hacking on the mutilated body.
He gulped. He had showed them.
He reached up and wiped over his face. There was a single drop of water running down his cheek. It was just water, it had to be.
